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24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sir Harold Shaggyback 

26th April 2013:
nice.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

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Review #2, by CassiePotter 

3rd October 2011:
Noblevyne,
That was absolutely wonderful! I laughed, was shocked, got nervous, and let out a sigh of relief. You do a masterful job of painting the picture of the marauders. This is an incredible story!
Cassie

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Review #3, by Fionnuala 

9th June 2011:
Really great so far! was getting a bit annoyed at Lily at the start but now I love her. :)

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Review #4, by buttergirl727 

1st October 2007:
wow! that was powerful. i really enjoy the way you portray the characters. they're so real

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Review #5, by JLHufflepuff 

14th August 2007:
I really like the whole situation with the Potters and getting to see their characters be developed.

I love the angst of Sirius's situation.

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Review #6, by AndrinaBlack 

9th August 2007:
That was a great chapter. You moved fast forward in time in a incredibly nice way. I loved the way Lily stopped Sirius calmly and nicely. In fact I liked all the Lily-James-Sirius interaction a lot!

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Review #7, by jenni___ 

1st August 2007:
i think this might be one of my favorite chapters!

it was long, but not drawn out - i think you filled it with the perfect amount of humor and drama to make it interesting.
i loooved these remarks especially:
“You think you’re so funny.”
"Yeah, we kinda do."

Remus, Sirius and Peter looked at each other, “We have explained that whole ‘conceited prat’ thing before haven’t we?” Sirius asked in a tone of mock seriousness.

i think this is my favorite marauders fanfic of all time... and i've only read the first three chapters! :D





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Review #8, by wicKeDwitch1316 

6th April 2007:
Wow, that was action-packed! And I loved it! Would write more, but I have to keep reading!

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Review #9, by CourtneyFaith 

21st April 2006:
~WOW. So perfect. I cant wait for James and Lily to get together.~

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

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Review #10, by jlwitch 

17th March 2006:
and it begins...

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

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Review #11, by Sophia Montgomery 

25th February 2006:
' Sirius came to stand by his still shivering friend, who was staring after Lily with a look that can only be described as ‘pathetic shock’.' Shouldn't the tense be past in the last part? As in '. . . a look that could only have been described. . .'? 'James just shook the rejection off, as he had done for the past 2 years, knowing that later he would mull over it until his brain hurt.' 2 should be spelled out as two. ' “Okay, mum, yeah, I missed you too,” ' Mum should be capitalized right? It's a name James uses for his mother. '“Just tell us dad,” James said abruptly. ' The d in Dad needs to be capitalized there. 'Sirius looked somewhat relieved but he still scowled, “Won’t be long, now, they’ll be throwing dinner parties in his honour, printing up 'I Love Voldie' T-Shirts” he said darkly' Heh. Funny sentence, but it needs to be ended with a period. 'The four of them turned, Peter’s watery eyes darted towards a boy standing roughly 6 feet away from them, he had the same features as Sirius, dark hair and eyes, long limbs and pale skin, but their was something in the way he looked that separated him from Sirius, a cruelty in his features that made Peter shudder.' Six, not 6. 'Remus and James were cursing the rest of the group with Peter shouting support from the sidelines…he was always terrible at dueling.' Haha. . . No concrit here, just thought that seemed quite in character. 'Regulus had now managed to get his arm free and was desperately reaching for Sirius face, “coward!” Regulus arm fell down limp. ' Needs a ' after the second s. 'she then offered him the same hand, palm open, asking him to take it, her long red hair was whipping about in the light breeze,' Good for the story line and all, but how can a breeze that is light whip hair around? Hm. . . could be just a personal view. 'James hesitated for a moment, but staring down at her, looking both at her with both awe and intrigue, he nodded and along with Remus carried Sirius, who’s legs weren’t fully functioning as yet, he was stumbling and disorientated, his eyes were still unfocused.' Whose, not who's. 'James was dumbstruck by her manner and attitude, he was so in ingratiated towards her that he could have kissed her. Of course he often felt that urge, but right now, in his eyes, she was a Goddess.' Loved that. Aww. . . Silly James! ' “Er, Martina, I [I]was[/I] talking to Lily,” he said, a little miffed by her interruption.' Your tags. '“No, it’s okay,” Lily said quickly, “I best get down to round up the masses, make sure they’re all okay, she started to walk away, but she stopped briefly at the top of the stairs, looking pointedly at James, “Tell Sirius…tell Sirius he’s not the only one with an idiot sibling.”' Isn't it 'I had best get down to. . .' or am I incorrect? For the portion that starts with ' “What did James say?” ' There is no spacing, though whether that was intentional or not, I am not sure.

Wow, I'm sorry I became so nitpicky. . . I hope you don't mind. Anyway, I thought this chapter was quite well written and the fight you put in was quite realistic, brutal, yet seeming to be necessary for Sirius' emotions. The best part was definitely the Lily and James interaction, the talk with Dumbledore, and the line about James falling asleep with dreams of her. Wonderful chapter, and I promise to be less harsh during the next chapter!

Author's Response: Ick, I need to correct these early chapters desperately, but the thought of them tends to make me ill. I really strongly dislike how this story starts out but with your guidance I'll be able to pick up some of the basic things before moving onto the characterisation things I hate.

Thank you for pointing out the errors, I'll get onto them shortly.


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Review #12, by Sweden 

14th January 2006:
I feel SO bad for Sirius. What if MY sister were like that?! At least Lily knew how it was like... Maybe she will spend more time with them now. Or at least, be more nice to them?? :)

Author's Response: Sirius comes from a bad family, I think that Lily is sympathetic, but she won't let that be an excuse for bad behaviour.

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Review #13, by amberg93 

14th January 2006:
awesome chapter

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!

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Review #14, by DirtyLittleSecrets 

9th January 2006:
yay i think i just might be begining to love this story. Chapters 2 and 3 were very good. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #15, by Jaydah 

8th December 2005:
Okay, I'm not even kidding. I just wrote out the longest review in history and when I submitted my internet crashed!! Okay, lets see if I can rack my brain for what I said.. Oh yes, first and foremost, I realize that I spelled your name wrong in the previous reivew for the last chapter. I think my finger slipped and I noticed it at the last second after I clicked "submit''. I hate it when people spell my name wrong (Jayduh, Jaydee or the worst:Jayday) so I'm sorry LAUREN. lol. Okay. I picked out some things from the story to comment on.. I copy and paste sentences in the review box as I read.Here they go: 1. "as if a bunch of teenaged wizards could stop fully grown dark wizards who didn’t care who they killed or how they did it. " [I loved this line. It was a voice of reality that also pertained to Harry and his crew. I like how it was slipped it] 2. "Remus looked disapproving, but James, Peter and Sirius were getting a good giggle out of seeing the rage in Lily’s eyes" [I'm not sure if its just me, but I think Remus' verb tense needs to change.. or even the verb itself. I had to read it over a few times to understand. But it might just be me. Afterall it is 2:30 am.] 3. "Ignatiusand Calista were throwing anxious looks " [insert space. Neat names by the way!] 4. "'I Love Voldie' T-Shirts" [Okay, I spit my water down onto my lap at this! I wasn't expecting that! Very funny! perhaps suggest to Jay that the new hpff merchandise should bare this! lol] 5. "I [I]was[/I] talking to Lily" [just change the I to a i and you're good to go].. 6. You had Mooney instead of Moony. Simple as that. Okay, now that I feel rotten for saying all that.. Let me say what I really think of this story. The errors that I pointed out do not take away from the story line whatsoever or distract me from how great the story is. I just tend to nitpick in hopes that I am doing you a favour. I'm sorry if I offend you. I'm just trying to help =) While I was reading this, I seriously got lost in the story. I forgot it was fanfiction and not something I was reading in a HP book. You portray the characters perfectly! I had so many emotions towards Sirius in this chapter. The fight scene was great! I could picture the entire thing in my head. Your grammar is excellent and your descriptions are incredible. I'm getting excited for later chapter to see Lily and James together. They are just too darn cute! Dumbledore was also so very Dumbledorish in this chapter. Weird comment, yes I know, but I really couldn't describe any different =) I'll have to hold off for Chapter 4 until tomorrow as I have to get back to my studies. It gives me something to look forward to. So, once again, fantastic job LAUREN! =)

Author's Response: Oh dear, I hate it when that happens, thanks for being persistant and typing up another. And don't worry about the name, I didn't notice until you mentioned it. Though I think that the next time some types 'Jayday' you can proclaim that it's international Jay Day and ask where your presents are.

Er, yes...you'll find a lot of mistakes in this chapter, it was written around 2 years ago in the middle of exams and I've actually just gotten up to this one in the 'Fix this!' parade, I changed his father's names and was changing some things around for canon and because I was much younger and sillier then, but I know it's full of mistakes but I can never locate them all, it's only through honest reviewers like yourself that I find them. When I add the next chapter, I'll go through and edit what you've pointed out (PS, I have a horrid problem with tense).

Thank you for giving me such a thorough review, I love it when people point out mistakes because it really shows how closely they've read something. Again, good luck with your studies!


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Review #16, by Violet Gryfindor 

28th September 2005:
What is there to say? The last two chapters have been excellently put together, and this one in particular was action packed with dramatic scenes and a lot of character development. I like how you're showing James as having moments of maturity that peak out through the jokes and laughter - it really gives reasons as to why Lily began to like him. All the dialogue between the characters flows so realistically that it makes these scenes easy to picture - it's even better than a movie! You write all the Marauders with a lot of care, highlighting their strengths and their weaknesses equally - making them like real people, not glorified or fantastical. I'm loving this story so far and I'm eager to continue when I have the chance. =)

Author's Response: Before I wrote this I was known for long spiels of inner dialogue, I was terrible at writing conversations but the Marauders have such a great energy and vibe that writing their speech is about the easiest thing I've written in ages. I'm a hige fan of writing the Marauders as realistucally as possible, it makes their demises all that more tragic to me...people do it far better than I, but thanks for the compliment, I'm glad that I can portray it well enough.

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Review #17, by Prongs_Padfoot_Moony 

21st May 2005:
Oh that was such a good chapter! I like the way Lily calmed Sirius down, she was like a little angel!!!! lol, i also liked how her and James had a proper conversation even though that stupid Martina interuppted them(grrr). Anyway, gr8 chapter, well done! PPM xx

Author's Response: Thanks for your review

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Review #18, by trixytonks 

6th April 2005:
excellent chapter! bloody long tho, kept having to take a break and come back later! haha! no really, very good. iv never read a fic that actually had regulus in it, you did him nicely. good work hinting at what snape is gona do about remus being a werewolf and i like his reaction. especially the bit about chocolate! that made me laugh, it cures all! on another note, jus thought id tell ya that [I]distraction[/I] isnt how you do the itlaics, its distraction

Author's Response: Thank you very much, for your review and pointing out some of the problems. I am going to edit some of these scenes (started recently, very big job!) I published this without knowing the proper coding, so thanks for pointing them out, it'll be far more easy to locate the mistakes.

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Review #19, by padfoot and prongs foreva 

30th March 2005:
omg this was such a great chap...wow...you've a real gift i can totally picture it all. i love the bond you've shown between james and sirius and how remus is one of them and tehy dont keep petegrew away...although i hate him now he must have been a frnd then rite? its amazing . i love how james and remus took care of siri and how petegrew tried to help the best he could...this was really an amazing chapter and i m truly stunned by it. your characterization is soooooooo uterly wonderful...pls update soon...lyl lyl

Author's Response: Awww, thank you. Yes, Peter didn't turn out to be much of a man, but he had to have been a nice enough guy that Lily and James wold trust him with their lives. He's well meaning, but easly lead, not the most daring of boys.

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Review #20, by CoLLeeN B. 

9th January 2005:
outstanding as usual! can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you for all of your reviews, your enthusiasism is very much appreciated

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Review #21, by anonymous 

27th December 2004:
I like your fanfic. It was recommended to me. this is the first Lily/James fanfic I read. I like your details, I'll read the rest later since I have to leave.

Author's Response: Thank you and thanks to the person who recommended me.

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Review #22, by Cor_Leonis 

15th December 2004:
This was a really well done chapter. Very interesting that Snape would choose to accost Sirius on the subject of beatings, when we know his own childhood hints at a destructive family relationship. Perhaps Sirius was an outlet for his own anger there? Anyhow, I really liked how you had Lily and Dumbledore step up and acknowledge their own sibling problems...it was a nice touch.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review

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Review #23, by forsakenphoenix 

4th July 2004:
Ah, bloody brilliant. I almost wish Sirius did kill Regulus...but I felt so bad for Sirius...this is such an excellent story. Your chapters are long, which is good, and it flows so incredibly well. Your grammar and spelling is good (it's often hard to read stories when the grammar/spelling is terrible) oh, I don't hope you update soon. If you don't mind, would you mind e-mailing me when you update next? (fracturethesky@yahoo.com) Thanks! :)

Author's Response: God, the review that started it all....

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Review #24, by emma3 

3rd July 2004:
Love the story! It's 2: 00 in the morning, so I'm going to bed!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review

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