16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Debra20 

5th February 2013:
I really reached the point where I can't read a chapter of this story without a box of tissues by my side. It's too heart-breaking to bear!

Here is me trying to make some sense, once again, of a review. Hope I won't forget anything this time. First off, I wanted to take a moment and express my mixed feelings about the woman in the portrait. In my review from last chapter I said that she reminded me of Bertha from Jane Eyre, loved by all but hated by him. And yet, thinking about it a little longer and reading some small snippets from this chapter I have the impression that the woman in the portrait is herself. Lily. There are of course some hard objections against this idea. For example, when Lily stumbles in the same house last chapter she notices the rotting flowers, the intoxicating smell in the air and the prickling sensation of death surrounding the room. But all of this could also mean a symbolical death, not an actual flesh-dies death. At the moment I'm groping in the dark since I haven't yet read the rest of the story but maybe Moody felt like she died in his past, and thus decorated the room as a funeral space. One can only guess for now :)

There are also moments when this story resembles a stream of consciousness piece. How Lily is lost in her ghostly images of what might have happened in the past between her and Moody, of what might happen in the future if she dared stay. A found it a very suitable technique to use for the story, especially since it's first person.

This chapter deepened the semblance to Jane Eyre. While reading the scene where he is almost a living flame that tries to stop her from leaving him and she, Lily, pondering for just a second what would happen if she gave in, if she dared remain and be the healing balm of his inner scars, forever forsaking her true self, I was vividly reminded of the most powerful scene in Jane Eyre. The chapter when she spends a few hours with him after she finds out about Bertha and decides that she will not, she cannot, be the other, be his wife while his real bride was alive. That she could not forsake everything she was despite loving him more deeply than her own life. But also knowing that she couldn't bare staying by his side any longer and flees. I shuddered while reading your scene as I shudder every time I read the scene from the novel. They're perfect! The love between them is so profound and painful that you find your breath caught and your stomach a tight knot at every sentence when they share a moment. Albeit being a tormenting love, few are privileged to knowing this kind of deepness of feeling in real life. It's a shame that love as powerful as this is so hardly seen these days :(

Author's Response: There is this fascinating article (or more than one, I can't remember) about "Jane Eyre" which argued that Jane and Bertha are mirror images of each other. For instance, Jane hears Bertha's laughter only when or after she has particularly rebellious thoughts. They are very similar in their depth of emotion, but Bronte idealizes her Englishwoman at the cost of demonizing the Creole woman. Yet, there's still that question of whether Bertha was mad before she was confined in Thornfield, or whether it happened as a result of that confinement - Rochester's word can't be taken as fact by any means. And this is where I built the strange relationship between Lily and the portrait-wife. The portrait's mocking tone, though, comes more out of "Rebecca" with Mrs. Danvers's treatment of the narrator.

I like the idea of the symbolic death, that he mourns her loss in the distant rather than immediate past. The answer is yes and no. :P The whole story is about mourning the past, a lost past that, even with time travel technology, can't be regained because, no matter what, the memory of it still remains. Even if one goes back in time to change something, one will always remember the change, and the reason why it needed to be made. And so one is trapped in perpetual mourning and loss.

Ahh, even better that you see the stream of consciousness style coming through! This story and Lily's voice flowed naturally. I don't quite know why, but as I wrote, I tried to maintain a rhythm of iambic pentameter. It gives the narrative an interesting quality, and I'm glad that you picked up on that.

What's interesting about this revision of that scene in "Jane Eyre" is that there's more at stake for Lily. Her choice could change history, and she doesn't forget that, no matter how much she yearns to be with him. The loss for her is minimal... mostly (there is the worry that the intensity of his passion would overwhelm and consume her). Rather her thoughts are for the people she loves - she sacrifices her newly discovered love so that history will run its course. It reveals an important similarity to Harry and also to the first Lily.

It's wonderful to hear how much you're enjoying this story and the effect that it's having on you. I'm glad that it's not only me who was overpowered by the emotion in this chapter. It was extraordinarily painful to write because I too wanted to stay with this Moody, even though I know that it's wrong, that he's "wrong". Writing hasn't been the same since this story, either. *sigh* But thank you again for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to hear such compliments from you! ^_^

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Review #2, by BellaCamille 

13th August 2012:
But this was a such a well-written chapter! I'm glad that there was such emotion, because it was evident in the writing.

Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad that the emotion came through in the writing - I don't know what about it was so overwhelming for me, but if it made for a better chapter, then I won't complain. ;)

Thank you again for all of these reviews! It's wonderful to hear that you're enjoying the story! :D

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Review #3, by Lillylover22 

12th May 2012:
That was actually really sad. Poor moody 9/10 : )

Author's Response: What's strange about this moment is that it's painfully sad at the same time that it's frightening - he is "mad" at this point, completely out of control, and while it's because he's suffering, I've wondered what would have happened to Lily had she stayed. That's a scary thought.

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Review #4, by LilyFire 

1st March 2012:
You gave excuses that were unneeded. This was another brilliant chapter. I love how you had them interact and just everything about it.

Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you very much! I'm really happy to hear that you enjoyed how this chapter turned out. ^_^

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Review #5, by long_live_luna_bellatrix 

24th February 2012:
You know Moody so, so well. I know you've written quite a bit of him outside this story, but even so, your respect for him comes out both in Lily and just in the depth you went into him here. When he drank from his flask to test Lily, and visibly relaxed when she failed to take advantage of him, I was absolutely blown away.

I actually lied in my last review. I said I'd be loud about any suggestions or criticisms, and I already broke that promise. Last chapter, I kept waiting to see how Lily and Moody's relationship was different than the prior chapter, if thirty fewer years would mean he knew her less. It was obvious Moody was a different man, but I found only slight examples of them knowing each other less well. Here, however, it is now far more obvious, so I need not have worried. ;)

Lily is increasingly fascinating. In addition to Moody, you've also developed her very well. She's very human, with her contradictions (wanting to be alone but also tying herself to Moody as she tells herself this), her worries, her confusion, and her bits of self-loathing.

This still rings if Rebecca, I can see, what with the way Moody left all his late wife's things just so and her presence that bothers Lily. And is her excuse for leaving. I suppose the big difference is that here, Lily knows he loves her.

There are so many things I love about this story. I love that you had three moments here that left me breathless: the chase up the stairs (we all love a good chase, don't we?), the kiss (of course, the kiss! And I wasn't expecting one so early on, though now I realize I should have, what with their huge history that only Moody knows of) and also the introduction to major consequences. I was so focused on Lily and Moody that I forgot that her time traveling could unravel the conclusion we waited seven books for, the death of Voldemort. It's all just incredible. Incredible.

Author's Response: Thank you again for coming to read this story! It's wonderful to follow along with you - it's very helpful for me as I try to think of the best ways to write the two final chapters. They're planned, but I want to get them just right. :D

I'm glad that you like my characterization of Moody. Looking back, I have written him a lot, all in smaller roles, but he keeps reappearing. He's one of those interesting characters in the series that I'm continuously curious about. Trying to find a satisfactory answer to my questions about Moody just hasn't happened, though, so I've created my own headcanon. :D I like your use of the word "respect" because, when I think about it, I do respect him, both as a detective-like character and as a person dealing with a psychological condition. People call him mad, but I've never been sure enough to agree - a serious case of PTSD sounds more like it. I like being able to explore characters such as him in greater detail to fill in the blanks - it's the draw of fanfiction. :D

It means a lot that you like how Lily is turning out, especially since, unlike Moody, I've never written her in this way before, nor any other character. Although she's literally had it all - a happy and supportive family, a good time at school and good friends - but there's always been something missing for her: a sense of purpose. The problem comes from inside of her rather than from the outside world, which makes the first person perspective more important to this story.

*squees* Your compliments! They're amazing! I wasn't expecting something so many of them, and I appreciate them very much. ^_^ It's funny because I've been purposely including cliched romance elements because I've never written a true romance before - one of heart-stopping drama and swoon-worthy moments. Every other pairing I've written is fractured in some way, either pulled apart by circumstance or constantly having to fight to stay together. But there's something about Moody and Lily that's just meant to be - they're constantly pushed together and don't even try to resist it. It's a wonderful experience to write this kind of story - an indulgence equivalent to eating lots of ice cream. :D

Thank you so much again!

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Review #6, by justonemorefic 

13th January 2012:
asdfghjk when the end neared, closer and closer, He needed me, so much so that it drove him mad, and it would only drive him to complete ruin if I left him. He would lose everything, and it would all be because I turned away when he needed me most. But he was supposed to go mad, supposed to lose his position at the Ministry... I was like AUUUGH LILY WHY IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE FUTURE ON YOU? Why is it that the future rests on his madness (the method to his madness!)? D: Truly heartbreaking, especially with how (in comparison) happy Moody was. The cabinet's thumping never seemed quite so ominous as then. I'm kind of like, running around in my head, going I don't know what to dooo. All these feeelings ;_;

Author's Response: Lily's a lot like Harry with her strong centre of responsibility - she'll put the future before her and sacrifice herself to it, if need be, especially if it's for the greater good. Though in this scene at least, there's also a sense of wrongness about that event - she doesn't know enough about the situation and his history, and is in danger of being sucked into it in the wrong way.

lol, the cabinet's knocking always puts me in mind of a horror movie, where the knocking means the ghosts are coming to get you. It's the most amazingly ominous thing I could think of to include. XD

I'm really glad to hear that the story is giving you all the feelings because that's what I was hoping for when writing it. :D Success! Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! ^_^

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Review #7, by ForgottenFace 

6th January 2012:
Cookies are in the hoven =D LOL

I was a bit confused by the kiss part, but I got it on my second read of that paragraph. I wasn't expecting it, though.

This was an intense chapter, I don't know what to make of it yet. Got to keep reading.

I have another theory! The thuds are made by older!Moody coming into the cabinet. It's his pegleg hitting the floor. xD

Oh and that CI is amazing! So much depth :wub:

Amazing chapter as usual ^_^ I feel like my reviews are getting shorter with every chapter xD Don't be alarmed, though, you're writing is still amazing. I'm just not feeling myself today.

Author's Response: The cookies!!! I hope they tasted good (as, alas, I can only imagine.). ;)

The kiss is abstractly described - I do that too often and have to be careful about it because what I see and what I write end up being completely different, and it stops making sense. >< But it is doomed to be confusing because it happens so fast - he kissing her like that before she even knows what's going on. She's definitely overwhelmed, and doesn't know what to make of it either. :P

Wow, I'm glad you like the chapter image! I've worried that it's overfiltered, but I like the composition too much to try redoing it - the depth did turn out well (if I may say so).

Thank you so much for your reviews, Becca! You include a lot in each, so I don't even notice the shortening length. XD I really appreciate that you took the time to read this story! ^_^

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Review #8, by shadowcat2 

6th November 2011:
OMG. "sealing history in place" just broke my heart. if i had 0.01 percent of your writing skills then I would consider myself as one lucky person. :D

Author's Response: *blushes* Oh dear, how do I respond to this? Thank you - it's a lovely compliment, and it means a lot that you're enjoying the story so much. ^_^

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Review #9, by Phoenix_Flames 

20th June 2011:
I was right!! Wow, Susan. Just wow. What you have created here is brilliant. It is pure genius.

I love it so much, and i have enjoyed reading this. it feels odd for me to say this, but I hope she gets to see him again and gets to have a relationship with him. It would be a splendid story to see a girl choose between her love for her father or her love for a man who made her father's future possible.

Absolutely brilliant, and I can't wait for the update! Make it soon, love. ;)

Author's Response: lol, right about what? :P Is it certain? Certainly hinted at. I won't say anything else, though, as the plot gets more complex from here. ;)

Your comment on Lily's choice has really made me think hard about a certain scene later on in the story, and I thank you for the idea of how to make it work. I wasn't actually going to bring Harry into it more than I had already, but Harry is at the centre of it in Lily's mind. She talks about him so often that he must mean a lot to her - she's listened to his stories and knows his history with a great thoroughness that I don't think her brothers would share. But now, I know how I'll structure Lily's choice and what role Harry will play in it. :D Thank you again!

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Review #10, by MajiKat 

9th June 2011:
His head lowered as mine rose, and in the middle, at the still point, we met, the seconds fleeting past with Mercury’s wings, all of time threatening to crash down upon us because we’d broken its single, terrible rule without a single thought of regret.

*sigh* I am not a romantic, but boy, what a scene! such a beautiful and yet tragic description of a kiss and i think that tradegy is what i appreciate so much. there cannot be any hope for them and yet, i find myself hoping for them, if that makes sense.

so much happened in this chapter! I can see why it was difficult to write. so much of this was internal, for both of them, and while lily is the narrator we got so much of alastor through her observations.

one of the things i love so much about your writing, particularly in this style, is your ability to show us just what we need to know and nothing more. you treat your readers as intelligent and leave things up to us. you do not explain explicitly but rather abstractly, and i love that so much.

there was such urgency in this, amidst the swirling inner turmoil and introspection. you handle that sort of thing so well, susan. i am reminded of 'the widening gyre' and how you worked such a swell of emotion into such a short piece.

i don't know what else to say - i love this fic even more with every new chapter and i anticipate where you will take me and where you will take the characters.

kate xx

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad to have written something romantic and tragic all at once without becoming mushy or otherwise losing potency. Even I can't reread this chapter without turning to a puddle of ooze - am I allowed to love my own turnings of words? Because I do love that paragraph you quoted. :P

It's wonderful that you enjoy my abstract descriptions, as I wonder sometimes - people have said in the past that I don't describe enough, particularly about characters' appearances or about the setting. Part of the problem is that I see everything so clearly myself that I never think to describe any of it. It's more fun to describe the way that things feel, the way that they are psychologically and emotionally rather than just visually. I especially prefer this in romantic scenes like this one. ^_^

Ooh, thank you! That I've actually been able to recreate something like the Gyre means a lot as that's still one of my favourite stories ever - I didn't think I could ever write something like it again, especially in a longer form like this story. Wow, this was a great compliment (and I shall huggle and love it to pieces for ever and ever *squishes*).

There's going to be a lot of emotion still to come, not for a few chapters, but certainly before Lily reaches the end. ;)

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Review #11, by RedJulyet 

22nd May 2011:
Absolutely perfect job with the characters. It explained everything about Mad-Eye, it made sense with what was going on with Lily, and the thing with his wife was another mystery.

Ahh, this is so great! keep writing!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really glad to hear that you're enjoying it! :D I'm even more glad to hear that it's all making sense - I never know sometimes with the stuff that comes out of my brain. :P

It's interesting to explore Moody's character, trying to figure out the reasons behind his madness and eccentric behaviour. JKR left a lot open with him, and I rather wish that more people would write about him.

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Review #12, by Alivi 

22nd May 2011:
Pure Genius!
I'm in love with your story.
All hail Violet Gryfindor!!!

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! It means a lot that you've loved the story this much! :D

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Review #13, by Nightshade 

22nd May 2011:
I understand that writing can be difficult at times, I have found it really hard sometimes myself. When I have gone through all of this often afterwards I feel alot better when I have written it all.
Then to your story, I simply love it. The idea is so genius I wish it was mine. Your doing a better job then I would ever do writing it so I'm happy it's yours and not mine.
I hope for an update soon.

Author's Response: It does feel a lot better once it's out and finished - once I'd done with this chapter, I couldn't explain why it was so difficult. They're just words after all, and although words can't describe everything, there are many, many things that they can do to make up for that. Sometimes, I think I get too close to my characters, becoming them for a time, and that gets in the way more than anything else. XD

Thank you very much for the lovely compliments! It's fantastic to hear that you're enjoying the story and the premise behind it - for all that it's the most complicated plot I've come up with, it's also been the easiest to plan and write. ^_^

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Review #14, by Snapdragons 

22nd May 2011:
I actually had to take a quick break while reading this, trying to process everything... but not for long, because then I simply had to keep reading.

I get what you meant about not being able to think of the words to describe the emotion - but I think you did a really great job, because I felt as though I could understand Lily's dilemma. Two different people, living their lives in opposite order... it's a really compelling idea, and it makes you think.

Because Lily can't stay - she's right, because if she did, then she'd mess with history, and perhaps Harry never would have defeated Voldemort, for example. She could never have been born. But on the other hand, she's condemning Moody to a lonely, crazy life.

I really loved this one line - "The first time that he would kiss me, but, for him, it would also be the last." I felt as though that really brought it together. Also those last words - "sealing history in place". Wow. That's all I can say.

Your writing is so beautiful and the premise is so amazing. Reading it is delightful - that's the only word I can think of. :) You're a very talented writer, and this story is wonderful!

Author's Response: It is quite a chapter - so much going on in it - that I can't blame you for having to stop and take a breath. It's so different writing than reading - while writing, I can always leave it for a few days and think things over, but when reading, there's this feeling that one must press on all at once.

The more I think of it, the more I realize how selfless Lily is, that she lets history take precedence over her own feelings and desires - I don't know how many people could actually do that as easily as she did. It's hard in her case because she knows what she's condemning Moody to is history itself - that he has to become mad for history to play out in the right way.

I have to admit that I borrowed that line about the first kiss-last kiss thing from Doctor Who. *hides* It was so tragic when I first heard it, and it suited Lily and Moody's situation perfectly, though I'll play with it more than Doctor Who did. ;)

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! It means a huge amount that you've enjoyed this story so far. ^_^

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Review #15, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 

22nd May 2011:
Oh, wow. The way you write is just amazing. I could feel all the emotion; like I was Lily and I really wanted to stay. Wow.

I'm so jealous. I wish I was half as good as you. I'm so glad you entered this challenge and I got to read this story.


Author's Response: Thank you very much! It was a really emotional chapter to write, and I'm glad that it projected out to the readers alright. It helps writing this in the first person - for some reason, I find that narrative perspective makes emotion easier to write, more heart-felt.

*blushes* Thank you for making the challenge! It's great to be able to write such a story as this. ^_^

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Review #16, by SunSation Gal 07 

22nd May 2011:
wow, that is all I have to say about this chapter Susan. I am currently unable to think straight after this amazing chapter.

Author's Response: Really? :O Wow, thank you so much, Lee! It means so much to hear that this chapter has made you speechless. ^_^

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