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47 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AbraxanUnicorn 

13th March 2017:
Interesting background piece on the development of the publication, Witchy Business. Its predecessor even had a dull name; I'm glad Clemence gave life to it :)

The statistics sentences have just made me giggle and spit gin and tonic at my computer screen.

Ooh, the duelling scene! Wow, talk about tension! I was completely unable to predict who would win; they were quite well-matched. I look forward to reading how this pans out between Clemence and Albus.

I've really enjoyed this amazing fic so far and hopefully, I'll get to review a few more chapters before the voting deadline! Definitely a worthy candidate of the Nargles Wittiest Story Award 2017 :)

Best of Nargles luck :)

Brax X

Author's Response: YOU'RE READING THE FIC WITH GIN AND TONIC that's so great. This fic is much better read drunk and Pickett would approve.

Clemence and Albus amp up the tension unnecessarily 100% of the time.

So glad you're enjoying it so far, I hope you like the rest of it! c: Thank you for reading!

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Review #2, by SilverMoonFairy 

6th August 2016:
Holy crap, I suddenly ship Al and Clemence so HARD! Wonderful chapter! Pickett is brilliant and DOM TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF SCORPIUS! C'mon, why does she hate Rose so much? FAMILY! Sheesh!

What a show! That duel was amazing! That's something I have trouble with- writing duels and quidditch. You pull it off beautifully and WOW. I want to read it again!

Just a quick technical before I go, found this hiding in all that awesomeness-

But I'm won't make things worse.


Author's Response: HA! THE SHIPPING BEGINS! What would this story be without rampant shipping?

I'm pretty sure I used to hate writing action scenes but now they seem so fun?? Or maybe I'm just thinking after the fact. The duel was definitely a fun one :'D

Ahh, thanks for pointing out the typos; I know I have quite a few scattered throughout but editing on multiple fic sites has made it a hassle to actually fix them.

Thank you for another review!

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Review #3, by skeet500 

17th March 2016:
Al is everything I want to be in this world I think - such fascinating characters! You are thus far successful in your mission to dispel useless tropes and cliches

Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you like the rest!

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Review #4, by SketchCyanide 

8th July 2014:
- House Cup 2014 Review -
Educational Decree #3

Can I just, wow! That duel was amazing! I read a few(and written a few) that have come off too wooden, but that was beautiful!

Albus and Clemence's conversations make me laugh, they seem to be so different, yet at the same time...quite similar. You know what they say about opposites?

I'm becoming more and more a fan of Albus/OC - I'll be honest, I usually ship James/OC, but I like Al in this because he's not the usual nerdy Slytherin with glasses xD

I know it's only chapter 3 but I want them together so bad now! All that sexual tension! Phew!

-- Jez

Author's Response: The duel was a lot of fun to write! And funny that you say they're quite similar ;) Perhaps you're onto something.

I had my own headcanons of Albus and James before I stepped into HP fandom, so I'm not influenced by other next gen stories. I'm glad you like my Al! ^__^

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Review #5, by Roisin 

16th June 2014:

And I'm super delighted to hear that you're so far along in the details of the adaptation!

I may still continue reviews, but they'll be shorter, and I'll try to shift the focus to be most valuable (as in, more general reviews, impressions, but in a way that is thoughtful of the different setting of the OF). And don't worry about leaving really detailed replies--my reviews may largely be for my own amusement, but they are still designed to be for your benefit.

First note, and this isn't necessarily specific to this chapter: we all love Pickett. BUT, while the response to him has been good, I'd caution against fulfilling our interest in him to much. Part of his popularity is that we're left wanting, and that's a good thing (which isn't to say don't develop him more or whatever).

Also on Pickett, I thought he was gay for a while. I read him as being a little camp ("enigma boy" comment). I like that he's camp, and I definitely like the way he interacts with Scorp in the lake scene (not all like "don't touch me, dude"--it's a good example for young people).

And a really general comment: I hope you keep a lot of the politics here, and given OF!Albus' backstory, I hope there's even more. And, don't worry about toning down the "scenes of a sexual nature." (I usually can't help but find them inherently tacky in fanfiction, but yours was impressively tasteful).

My friend had a lot of success publishing his Coming of Age novel through Soft Skull Press--and they didn't get too fussy about some really heavy subject matter, and very overtly politically liberal sentiments.

Also, Howard Dunne books has put out work adapted from serialized web novels, so they might be something to look into (it's early days now, but good to have in the back of your head). And I'm prety sure Random House accepts unsolicited manuscripts (my friend worked as a reader there).

Anyway, I DO know that what sets debut authors apart, and makes the difference between getting published and not getting published, is how polished the manuscript is. So, if moving forward, you have any interest in a beta-editing type thing, feel free to PM me. (To TOTALLY toot my own horn, I get paid to write and edit copy.)

ALSO! I'm working on campaign for CA state @ssembly right now, so I can fact check any details about campaigning, or, if you're interested, offer a lot of info about what volunteers (like OF!Appy) generally do, how campaigns generally function, etc.

In closing, it should be abundantly clear that I want your OF to succeed! I hope that, if nothing else, this review encourages you to keep at it (gurl)!


Author's Response: WOOO! Well, you might spur me to write 8D And give me ideas for stuff I never considered.

I think Pickett's an easy character to like. He's the comic relief, has correct observations, and generally makes the decisions that the reader would want him to make; hating Pickett might as well be hating a puppy in a cup. What I like about Pickett is how he's a bit of a dark horse. He introduced as Clemence's goofy newsie friend, but he's really her /best friend/ and the healthiest relationship Clemence has by a longshot. And there's a mystery to that. Do they recognize how close they are? What do they mean to each other? I'm also very excited to explore the parallels between Dom/Pickett and Clemence/Al.

I see Pickett's sexuality as being pretty open! He's affectionate to everyone, super touchy himself, and checks everyone out indiscriminately. He'd be like 'love and hugs' all the time if it were up to him. Though he's been in love with only women so far, I think he's at least physically attracted to both genders.

Baha, the site rules limited the risque scenes for the better; I had to get extra creative with the sex. It's easier to make it more risque than less ;)

Politics are going to be my weakest area. I feel like a person who pretends to know some politics but really hasn't read or followed anything political. I'm making do from my high school knowledge of government/history. Maybe I'll watch political dramas—I did want to watch House of Cards. I would LOVE to hear any interesting stories or misconceptions about campaigns and volunteering. I'm not sure if campaign clubs on schools are common at all or whether they're allowed? I just assume something like that exists—like a Democrat or Republican club. Maybe I'll get inspiration from this year's congressional elections. I have a lot of research ahead of me 8D

I have betas already (friends, writer friends, my sister also writes professionally—and all of them have better grammar than I do) but thanks for the offer! I wouldn't dream of submitting a less than polished manuscript. Would be awful to get rejected for poor tense choices.

Thank you so much for your reviews! I super appreciate them, validates my decision somewhat :'D Other people being excited makes me excited!

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Review #6, by Gred 

9th November 2013:
I love reading stories where the writers reply to my reviews as I read. It makes it so much funner!

Wow. That was an awesomely written duel. So Much Tension. Love it. But Albus won! Arrghh! Who is the Girlfriend? Will we ever find out? (And I still don't understand what Albus likes... Am I missing something?)

Dom and Scorpius now? Still rooting for Gay Scorpius, but that would be a pretty cool couple. (I think Scorpius should be a sassy, single, completely hilarious and a bit pathetic gay guy. It's always fun when the really cute, rich guy is pathetic. (Especially if he is gay.))

Pickett just gets better and better, doesn't he? I will say no more, expect that he is quickly becoming a favourite...

Oh my gosh a Detective Inspector Hugo story would be brilliant! You already have one reader for that, if you write it!

- Lily, jumping up and down in her seat. (Gred)

Author's Response: It is! :D It's not something I get the chance to do often. I try to keep up with readers as best as I can while they speed through, but some don't check for responses until a week after.

Baha, I guess I mean that Albus is more reckless than he previously let on, so he fancies a bit of risk and thrill. Clemence initially saw him as a bit of a recluse.

SNORT can one be both sassy and pathetic? I have a soft spot for the downtrodden characters 8D especially downtrodden Scorpius, so you might be getting exactly what you want.

Pickett's my own fav too c: (totally not influenced by Sam Claflin being his faceclaim). My other soft spot is for the comic relief, especially when they get to be more than that.

Aaah, sadly I probably won't start any new fics; I can't bear to start fics I don't think I'll finish and I'm switching focus to original writing. etc. will last well into next year, so there's still plenty of fic left. If I can somehow make a mystery one-shot, Detective Inspector Hugo is what I'd go for! c:


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Review #7, by by Edward Ol... 

1st September 2013:
Wow this chapter, so much tension especially at the end!

I really like how your start each chapter with Clemence interviewing each person, as its nice to see how her journalistic practises do change depending on the scene. I agree, with Felicity that she can be nice at times!

I really loved Pickett! He was just excellent with his sarcastic humour and his witty observations. It does seem odd that hes so involved with Dom and Clemence though, or I could just be paranoid. Oh well, my theories for that are he either likes one of them or hes gay. Either could be interesting, so I cant wait to see what happens with him in future chapters.

So, Dom and Malfoy? That could be very interesting. I probably wouldnt have thought too much about it until Pickett brought up all his facts and statistics and that made it even better! I really love characters like that because hes like a leader of the nerds or something similar and voices what I would say if I had the courage to. :P

Ok Rose is actually scaring me now, no joke. I mean, this line "Hello, everyone," Rose says sweetly, with a smile that is everything but a smile. ! Gah it was just so scary and so similar to Hermione in times of anger I seriously thought birds would be flying towards Scorpius head ready to attack him.

Valencia seems niceI automatically get suspicious of perfect characters because theres almost always going to be something about them which makes them evil. I do like the idea of this secret club though, and I cant wait to see what theyre plotting. Yes Im assuming theyre up to something, though I probably should stop being so paranoid.

Im going to turn into a complete fangirl soon if you include anymore duels! The writing in that scene was really fantastic as you kept the tension up throughout and I honestly didnt know who was going to win. Of course I was rooting for Clemence, though I cant help but wonder what she might do in revenge for losing because I cant imagine her being a nice loser. And the tension between the two and the comment about the eyes! I seriously dont know what Albus agenda is with her but I really want to know now!

Another fantastic chapter! ♥

-Kiana (the new skin seems to have changed my name, so yeah it's still me (patronus_charm) I just don't know why it's like that!)

Author's Response: Your theories with Pickett just about cracked me up because of things that are happening in the current chapters that I'm writing. He's a Slytherin like Clemence and Dom, so a long-time friend, but there's a bit of web there. Insinuations, hem hem. He's such a darling to me :D statistics are the shortcut to my heart. Plus his face is Sam Claflin.

I tend to not be a big fan of Rose in general, but I wanted to change that without changing my headcanon. I just can't imagine her not scary and overly-Hermione-like (sorry, Ron; your wife's genes are stronger)! I just hope that readers don't only define her by her relationship with Scorpius and where it's at in the current moment; it's rather surreal how common that attitude is toward fic characters.

BAHA, I do love your paranoia. It really is the best attitude to have reading this fic, so don't worry, you're ahead of the curve. I will say that Clemence has an excellent judge of character, but she also has some very glaring weak spots where her pride and bias get in the way--this is one of my favorite flaws of hers to explore.

The duel was utterly fun to write :D After writing that, it set the base level of the tension to come. It's still one of my favorite bits in the whole story, when Albus first gets to catch everyone off-guard.

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Review #8, by Misschievous12 

23rd June 2013:
I love the dueling scene! Good writing =)

Author's Response: It was a lot of fun to write! Ought to write a few more now that I think about it...

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Review #9, by spreaddapoo93 

19th December 2012:
And new characters are born! I'm loving Pickett; he's such a typical cospiracist... with statistics and sexual psychology involved. :D

But he seems to be hitting the nail fairly square on the head - the tension is insurmountable, with Dom entering the scene. Part-veelas never seemed scarier, am I right? (And before I start sounding like an avid manicurist addicted to the gossip column, I will back down and actually review with a straight head).

Ooh~ I heart the line "never get caught between a part-Veela and a redhead. Blood will be shed." It makes me want to smear blue on my body, don a kilt and go Braveheart on this fanfic! :)

The DUEL! Ah! I have never read a duel scene as effective before - ah, with everything on high-key intensity mode (bam bam pow!), you really kept the suspense alive. Once again, your stunningly visuality (your ability to invoke such stark images in the reader's mind) is gr(with double ferocity)eat!

Anyway, I'm really intrigued by Potter - what is he up to? Hmm...

Author's Response: Pickett is a wee bit of Jeremy and Jason smooshed together from Game. So basically he's my favorite character ever :D

ACTUALLY doing a Braveheart on this fic would be very fitting. I've already done Braveheart in Capers, as you saw, but that was just the battle charge. etc. is like the whole war. Spoken by someone who's never seen Braveheart, of course.

The duel was waaay fun to write :D It's like a dance, no?

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Review #10, by Elfo 

15th September 2012:
OH-MY-GOODNESS. THE SEXUAL TENSION DUEL was amazzzing. I loved it.
My favorite part:
"What would your mothers say?"
"Why ze 'ell is this 'ittle man talking so much?
Really, really good!

Author's Response: Ze French always makes an impression! The duel was lots of fun to write ^__^

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Review #11, by slytherinchica08 

12th September 2012:
Oh why must you do this to me? Each chapter just makes me want to keep reading onto the next! One thing that I really want to say is that as a Psych major, I loved the bit about how its always Freud... sounds about right, it does always seem to be him. I thought this whole chapter was just so well written and wonderful and any other word you can think of that means great! I love the sexual tension duel! It was just so amazing and having him comment about her eyes and how beauitful they are just was so great! I'm really enjoying reading this story and can't wait to see what you have come up with next! Great Job!


Author's Response: Hee, I had friends who took psych classes in high school (I tried, but classes were full unfortunately), and that's the gist of the classes, from what I heard xD Freud, Freud, Freud. Glad you're enjoying it! ^__^ Quite the sneaky, snakey charmer, isn't he?

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Review #12, by married to black 

18th July 2012:
"Certainly, it'd be the sensible train of thought.

People, I would soon discover, are not sensible."

Hahahaa this part is a great beginning to the chapter. I laughed quite a bit at it. I'm easily humoured and that just had me in a fit.

I really liked this chapter. Albus, goodness, why is he so brill? (as you can tell, my obsession has me dazzling over him in every chapter...yikes) The duel was so much fun!
Clemence is one talented girl. She really held her own during the match. And I love how the professor used them as an example. That had me smiling - it is just too funny.

Dom is one of those girls I cannot stand. I am so curious as to why she is so hateful of Rose. Is she jealous or something? They both have got the looks but maybe Rose has the attention of the family thanks to her smarts and that sets her off? They seemed to have gone from close friends to enemies.. I really hope Scorpius is not cheating on Rose. That would break my wee little heart!

The end of the duel had me smiling. It was just so entertaining! I absolutely adored it, especially Albus' grin at the end (eek!). I wonder what will happen next? I can't wait to keep reading and find out!

Lovely chapter. Your writing style was spot on as always, grammar, pacing and all that wonderful jazz just off the charts. I like how you're writing in present tense and maintain it. Same for writing in first person. They're both challenging styles and you do well in not slipping up. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: I love writing the snarky little sections 8D they're a bit of a different style, and I can sneak in so many little phrases I never could before.

The duel still remains one of my favorites scenes, and it's definitely amongst the most fun I've written.

Dom's a bit different to everyone who reads etc., I find. I think it depends on how much one can relate to her, because she can be a very "mean" person, but she has her reasons, just like everyone else in this fic. That doesn't make her reasons correct (sometimes I think they are, and other times I don't), but they are what they are.

Thank you so so much for your reviews! ^__^

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Review #13, by Amelia 

27th May 2012:
so I've been spending the past few days fangirling and reading your stories. They are written really well. You should seriously consider writing as a career. Though, you probably already are. I love next generation fics and you're my favorite author by FAR. I love how original you're stories are and I love that all of you're female characters are really strong and smart. So PLEASE keep up the awesome work. I LOVE IT. I LOVE YOU. *BEAR HUG*

Author's Response: Ahh thank you so much! ^__^ Blushing madly here! I actually study Computer Science, no intention of going into writing heh, but it's been a very fun hobby, and I'm just glad there are people out there who enjoy my writing.

Strong female characters are so important to me! I love being able to show how girls can be strong in very different ways (Clemence might be a standard example, but one doesn't need to be so cunning and independent to be strong. Rose, for example, doesn't flinch from standing up for herself, and Clemence admires this despite being somewhat cold to her), and I'm try to be very careful with what I put in this story, because it does have a lot of gender-related themes.


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Review #14, by The Empty Frame 

21st March 2012:
That was seriously the best dueling scene I've ever read, and the whole classroom scene was really funny! Monsieur Breech... he sounds like an amazing dude.

Green with Envy 2012!

Author's Response: :3 aw thanks! The duel was so fun to write.

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Review #15, by alicia and anne 

15th February 2012:
Is she a Slytherin? I don't think I can imagine her in another house she seems like she'd fit in Slytherin.
I reckon Dom might go after Scorpius at some point.
Ooo a duel between her and Al?
Another great chapter!

Author's Response: She is! And there'll be quite a lot on the potential Dom/Scorp~ front in the future.

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Review #16, by shadowcat2 

13th February 2012:
Albus is so amazing. The duel.Loved it.short review as usual. next chapter here i come!

Author's Response: Hee, thanks! :D

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Review #17, by Dee 

2nd January 2012:
agggh! I felt Clemences frustration there! I know deep down she isnt as cold hearted as she likes to think she is ;D but that was a DARN good chapter!

Who knew Albus could be so cunning??!!

Author's Response: Or is she? ;D Ambition can do plenty to a person.

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Review #18, by WhatAboutRegulus 

13th November 2011:
Dang it. I wanted her to win that duel so badly! Albus in his secret ways GAH! I wonder what he's up to... My curiosity is peaking!!! hahaha


Author's Response: Alas, it would be too easy if she won :) Albus takes after his father in the duelling genes.

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Review #19, by honoraryweasley 

30th September 2011:

I have this thing where it comes to ships. I tend to ship the ship that will mean that I can also ship a ship involving me and the most eligible male character.

What I'm trying to say is that Scorpius can take Dom and leave. I shall take care of my Henry. Julia/Henry for life. HENLIA ♥

Author's Response: HENRY IS A DOLL. I have this thing about writing really hot non-leading men. Henry is everything and more of that.

BUT ALSO, get in line gurrrl. Everyone wants a piece of him~

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Review #20, by Blue Biro 

22nd September 2011:
wow, the bestw ritten sexual tension filled duel i've ever read :D hm, i hooe Dom isnt really up to no good with Scorp! i do feel bad for Rose, though obviuously i prfer Clemence :) awww, i wnaed to know who AL's girl was so i could hate her! petty, but i want Al and Clemence together ;)
must read more! this story is SO fantasticly written! 400/10!

Author's Response: Bahah, I love love loved writing that duel! Rose will get her time to shine, as do many characters :) There is a long way ahead!

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Review #21, by SnitchSnatcher 

8th September 2011:
This just keeps getting better and better with each chapter!

Clemence is fast becoming one of my all-time favorite OC characters. She's just so refreshingly real and hilariously funny and just all around amazing. I love her to pieces!

Pickett is adorable. End of. I want him. I want him for my pocket. So I can take him out and pet his head of nicely styled hair and then put him back, only to take him out a few minutes later and pinch his cute little cheeks. Or, you know, something like that. I just really love him, okay?

And Albus! He's perfect. An amazing characterization on your end. An unique individual compared to what I'm used to reading. His tension with Clemence is amazing, and I'm getting so excited to see where it goes!

Fantastic job!

P.S. Teach me how to write duels? Please?

Author's Response: When I write Clemence, I always think about those stubborn teenagers who act all high and mighty with their cynicism (because I was and am one) except less whiny, and therefore more awesome 8D

Pickett, well, he's just hot and adorb. No question there. Pocket Pickett :3 Everyone would be jealous.

The trick to writing duels is to only write one. So you can use up all your description once and then NEVER EVER WRITE ONE AGAIN.

...Okay, so, maybe that works only once :P BUT I did imagine one of those old western gunslinger scenes so, there is that for inspiration!

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Review #22, by Mischief_managed18 

4th September 2011:
I'm loving this story so far. xD I love Al. goodness. Can't wait to continue reading, you're quite the talented writer.

Author's Response: Thanks! :D Glad you're enjoying the story.

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Review #23, by Lumos_Nox 

22nd August 2011:
Here's what I think of your characters: love 'em to death. It takes a really good author to be able to write a duel and not have me bored to tears, but it was great. :) As much as I was rooting for Clemence, it was cool to see the underdog win. Nice work

Author's Response: Aw thanks! :D Clemence's big flaw here is that she underestimates Albus; he's just as determined to win.

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Review #24, by TweetyByrd 

20th August 2011:
. BLAH I hate sexual tension. It makes everything awkward.

Author's Response: xD really? Ah well, I suppose it depends!

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Review #25, by Ellerina 

7th August 2011:

Thanks to you, I am stuck with thinking of the word "tussle" as a euphemism for the rest of my life. Apparently, Clemence thinks so too, silly girl. That's the oldest trick in the book!

But you know, Albus is in trouble now. In the words of Terry Boot, girls are a bit like angry bulls: if you don't make eye-contact they forget you exist. He made eye-contact. Basically, she is never going to forget him ever.

And Pickett. Dear, darling Pickett. I feel like we are two of a kind. We should get married and have lots of awkward, statistic-spouting children. What? I'm just saying.

I see a lot of you in Clemence, in the best possible way. Her thoughts during the duel remind me so much of you and I know that her reaction to losing will be along the same lines.

UST is the best way to brighten up someone's day!


Author's Response: ANNIDIA

Now my goal is to make you think of "treacle" as the same, because in my mind, when you say "tussle" I hear "tressle". Complicated, but it all makes sense in my mind. Mwahaha.

HE AWOKE THE SLEEPING DRAGON. Not like Mushu, who just sort of chipped the sleeping dragon's ear.

Sam Claflin babies ♥

I AM SO FLATTERED YOU THINK I COULD BE HALF AS CLEMENCE-Y AS CLEMENCE. She is too awesome and witty and calm; I am more like Hugo spazz with flaily arms and J.P.P.P.P on my side.


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