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51 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sir Harold Shaggyback 

26th April 2013:
hey your characters personalities and actions are so accurate good job you are amazing and I highly respect you

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Review #2, by floydie 

13th April 2012:
just glanced at your story titles and saw the stones, Beatles and Terry Jacks... sweet as:)
anyway I really liked reading this, the fast pace and your accurate portrayals of the characters mean I totally want to read more of your work now. nice going!! xo

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Review #3, by hhhv 

16th April 2010:
James ran a hand through his hair again, he hated that Remus knew more about Lily than he did, hated that Remus could have a conversation with her that didnt involve Lily telling James to deflate his head or jump in the Lake, but he hoped he didnt let it show. -- i think you should change the second james to remus, makes more sense.

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Review #4, by Liv Lupin 

9th December 2009:
Amazing! You describe everything so perfectly!

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Review #5, by Adrielne 

20th October 2009:
Wow! What a great story!
Absolutely captivating, great dialogues (I might steal some from you they're so good ^^), it's funny, witty, matches the characters' personality and how I imagine them to be.

Keep writing!!!

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Review #6, by chocolatefrog123 

9th October 2007:
brilliant!! LOVE it!! definitely earned that Dobby Award! :)

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Review #7, by RIP FRED 

26th September 2007:
mazing.

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Review #8, by hjplover 

8th September 2007:
ooo nice intro. this was a very clear and well-written beginning i can't wait to read the rest!

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Review #9, by mila1995 

19th August 2007:
yo! really cool

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Review #10, by Marlene McKinnon 

15th August 2007:
Wow. That was a very long first chapter, but an excellent one all the same. Well done.

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Review #11, by JLHufflepuff 

13th August 2007:
This is amazing!

I absolutely love the fleshing out of the characters. Especially Sirius with all the angsty, tortured emotions going on.

Also, the banter between the friends is very funny because it's realistic.

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Review #12, by AndrinaBlack 

3rd August 2007:
First of all I have to say that I love the title of this story and I have meant to read it for some time already. I also love the quote you have in the summary!

This is a nice beginning chapter. I like the way you write the characters. But let's see how this continues... ;)

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Review #13, by jenni___ 

1st August 2007:
brilliant story(:

i particularly like how you mentioned muggle deaths and how voldemort was beginning to take over.
too many marauders fanfics fail to mention even once voldemort and the troubled times they lived in.
but yours did!

loveloveloved it♥

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Review #14, by derwin 

1st August 2007:
very goog i really liked it cant wait to read more into the story of lily and james. :-).characters are spot on.

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Review #15, by searching17 

25th July 2007:
an amazing beginning. you really are a great author. 10/10!

~Estrella

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Review #16, by linden 

23rd July 2007:
all in all decent story or premis of a story, a little more detail for surroundings,and non-directly related items. a strong promis of emotional writing. too many short paragraphs

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Review #17, by Ginnyrulz21 

16th July 2007:
i thought it was a pretty good beginning. you are good at describing things... but i felt that when you said Remus already had some gray hairs that it was going a bit far i mean, they're what? 16 or 17? even though in the books it says he looks older than he is it doesnt mean he looked like he was in his forties when he was 16.

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Review #18, by Allison 

10th July 2007:
Loved the beginning chapter. The 'abnormally tall freak' was hilarious. Well I'm off to read the next chapter.

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Review #19, by Bex 

10th May 2007:
this is amazing! update soon

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Review #20, by wicKeDwitch1316 

6th April 2007:
Wow, excellent details. Not a lot happened, but I still wanted to read every word so I didn't miss anything. I really like your writing style! 10/10

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Review #21, by Foxtrot 

17th July 2006:
This is an amazing story! I really like it.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

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Review #22, by jonni 

4th May 2006:
I'm not sure why, but something about your characterisations makes the familiar Lily/James plotline feel completely fresh and original. I love the ship but tend to stick clear of the fanfics featuring it because they are usually all very similar. Yours, however, has a special something and I can't wait to read it again.

Your characterisation of the Marauders and Lily is absolutely spot-on, I loved how all of them were portrayed. Although this was more of a setting-the-scene sort of chapter, I thoroughly enjoyed it simply because of the quality of your descriptions.

There were quite a few minor errors that you could fix quickly, for example:

"“What happened?” James asked tentatively, Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, James stood over Sirius..." There should probably be a full stop after 'tentatively'. You seem to have these run on sentences a lot and I found it a little distracting to read. I'll try and pick them all out but I know I'll miss some.

"James replied testily, pushing him out of the way, Sirius fell back into his seat, long limbs flailing..." There should be a full stop after 'way'.

"She briefly glanced at the scene before her; Sirius long legs were stretched out haphazardly" Sirius needs an apostrophe after it, with an 's' or without, depending on which method you use.

"she said, but not maliciously, it was more like tired acceptance, she turned on them..." Again, a full stop after 'acceptance'.

"She just turned and stalked out muttering “Idiot”, Remus turned to his friends..." A full stop after 'Idiot'.

"Lily snorted, tossing her fierce red hair over her shoulder, “Yeah, acquired," she said, emphasizing the word, and Remus gave a little laugh at her frustration, Lily Evans had no time for the Marauders and their, what she called, ‘silly little games’, it wasn’t that she hated them, she just grew tired of their childishness, Remus seemed to be the only one she could stand, even though she was wary of him at first because of his ties to Potter and Black, but she soon found his temperament to be much like her own, and so they found themselves friends, Lily was a particularly good study buddy, he couldn’t ask James and Sirius, who had never needed to study in their lives, but Lily was always willing to help others, something for which she was greatly admired for at Hogwarts, in all houses." This is ALL one sentence, and should really be broken up into a few seperate sentences.

"especially one his Marauders." There should be an 'of' in there.

"The two of them reached the Prefect’s compartment and listened to their instructions just as they had done last year, neither of them suspected that being a 6th year Prefect" A full stop is needed after 'last year'.

"seeing as she didn’t understand about her being a witch, Remus knew full well what it was like to be misunderstood." There should be a full stop after 'witch'.

"but at the second of Remus entrance" Apostrophe after 'Remus'.

"They grabbed another coach and headed towards Hogwarts, all four of them stared out the window as they approached it..." A full stop after 'Hogwarts'.

"The hall became silent as the Sorting Hat was brought out and placed on a stool, James, Sirius, Peter and Remus looked on..." There should be a full stop after 'stool'.

"They listened in silence as the first years were sorted, cheering whenever they got a new Gryffindor, they then became silent..." Full stop after 'Gryffindor'.

"He cast a quick glance at the Marauders, gauging their reactions, Remus young, but lined face was poised in askance, as were James and Sirius’, Peter’s eyes were flickering around the room uncertainly" You should start a new sentence after 'reactions' and both 'Remus' and 'James' should have apostrophes.

"Dumbledore sat down again, his expression pensive, he clapped his hands and a feast appeared on the table, James, Sirius and Remus were still staring at him..." A new sentence after 'pensive' and again after 'table'.

"and Dumbledore smiled, They should be allowed their innocence..." There should be a full stop in place of the comma.

Another thing I noticed was you seem to alternate between Sirius' and Sirius's. PhoenixStorm's apostrophe lesson informed me that actually Sirius's would be correct, but the other use is also widely accepted. I suggest you choose whichever you prefer and stick to it throughout because I found it a little distracting.

I'm dreadfully sorry for the length of this review, and the fact that most of it is minor corrections, but they are just that, minor corrections. I was in a thorough reading mood, so I noticed them. I'm not even sure that they are errors, but I know they made the story a little frustrating for me, at least, to read.

Lastly,your story is fabulous! I don't feel I've said that enough, but it is one of the few Lily/James stories that I've enjoyed immensely. I will get on to reviewing the other chapters, bu I think a beta would be a good idea, to weed out some of those little errors.

Author's Response: This is possibly the best review I've received in a while and from a new reviewer! (I have a regular set who come to help me out with grammar, I adore them). Yes, I realise my Sirius' and Sirius's bandy about, I have settled on Sirius' because I think it looks tidier and am in the process of catching all the Sirius's and James's and Remus's (oh, and I have a beta now, but I try not to kill her with my grammar). Thank you for the review!

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Review #23, by extremly impressed 

1st May 2006:
like the title suggest i LOVE this fic. I find myself re-reading it when im bored and have nothing to do. just PLEASE update......

Author's Response: I am so sorry about the lack of updates! I really will try to have it back on track soon, in fact, while I was sititng hear readint these reviews, I think I've figured out my problem, so I'll try and get some work done on it. If only to beat timeturner out with a new chapter.

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Review #24, by Concused_Duck 

21st April 2006:
awesome first chapter, thought ya got all the characters just right!!! especially Sirius!!!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

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Review #25, by CourtneyFaith 

21st April 2006:
~WOW. You are a wonderful writer...I love this story. The plot is wonderful and very true to the characters and your writing style is smooth and witty.~

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

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