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45 Reviews Found

Review #1, by -BookDinosaur- 

2nd June 2013:
Hello, here for the Ravenclaw review battle!

First off, I just want to say I love stories about Luna, and this one is the best I've read out of all of them. I think you characterised Luna perfectly and managed to write her dreamy side with her slightly more serious side really well.

I really loved all the description you put into this chapter-there wasn't so much I lost interest, but enough so that there was a very vivd image of what was going on and Luna's surroundings in my mind.

I liked the bit in italics at the beginning-it felt so Luna, I just wanted to keep reading to find out about her life.

I can't think of any CC for this, you've done a really amazing job writing it and Luna, so well done is all I can say!

Author's Response: Luna is the best. I find it really insightful to write her -- it helps me to see things slightly differently than I normally. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and hope that if you've read over the other chapters that you've enjoyed them as well.

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Review #2, by hdawg 

15th August 2012:
Hey Mel! This has been on my list for a while, not only because I saw the banner and thought that is was gorgeous, but because I just love the way you write :) and before I even start reading it, I can tell that you deserved this Dobby!

And this chapter image is just as beautiful as the banner, did you make it? If so, wowzers. If not, then wowzers again, because it is still utterly fantastic.

"all drinks served at the bar are compliments of Mr. Longbottom's best man, Mr. Harry Potter. Any and all donations given will benefit the Phoenix Memorial Fund for orphaned children." Okay, I picked this quote out not only because my heart swelled thinking that Harry was Neville's best man, but because of the charity you made them donate money to. And it is little things like this, little hints towards the books, that really get me. Because then I remember everything that these boys went through as separate beings, the fact that they are brought together at such a happy occasion and try to make a difference so that others don't have a past as painful as theirs just gets me. Wow, you have made me think and feel these things, ergo you are the bomb.

Your descriptions of everything, from the wind to Neville's face, are so rich and perfect. Like I said, you definitely deserve that Dobby. I also really love the way that you have written Luna. You can easily get it wrong, especially writing her after the War and everything - either she is made too dark and angsty, or she is just too quirky. But you got her just right (in my head): pensive, a little bit sad and lonely, because now she has to grow up, and that means to grow up away from her friends.

This is such a magical story so far, and has captivated me right from the first sentence. I am looking forward to reading the next chapter and your beautiful, beautiful way with words ♥

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Review #3, by Jchrissy 

16th July 2012:
Awww, you are going to get me hooked on two of your novels, aren’t you?

Luna is becoming a character that I really love reading. Which is odd, because I was never absolutely crazy about her in the books. This first chapter makes me want to sink my teeth into her and really listen to her story.

Amazing job with the descriptions. You had just the right amount so I wasn’t skipping through them to get to the point, but was very aware of the scene.

I also think they really flow with Luna’s character. I do think she would notice everything, so having your descriptions mirror that is perfect! You’ve inspired me to go through the first 3 chapter of BTF and add a bit more descriptions in there, too...

I think Luna’s characterization is brilliant so far. It was great to have her leaving the office, because and an actual job are really hard for me to warp my head around. Though the Q is something she loves, it’s odd to think of her as all grown up, you know? Aww, I’m going to get emotional...

The characters that played a minor appearance did so beautifully! Harry was the perfect image of a loving father who has an adventurous son, and you did a great job giving us a glance into his life through Luna. Fixer upper house? Such a perfect and new idea! I don’t know why, but I really like it!

Neville was also well done. You aged him to just the right degree, kept a touch of his awkwardness but coated it in the love he feels for his new wife (Deeds has made me adore Hannah and Neville, so I was really happy that you ended this chapter with their wedding)-- perfect.

Luna almost feels a bit lost to me. Maybe I’m reading too far into things. But she seems at a different state of disconnection than just her average dreamy self.

PS: Happy marriage, Neville is *such* a Luna line. Great job, my darling! Why must you get me addicted to all these novels??

Jami

I just realized I don’t think I commented on your writing. Just the context. I don’t know if you need to be told again, but I can’t see how you wouldn’t like to :) -- you’re writing is, as always, amazing. You create vivid pictures and really inspire me to put more into everything I write. Thank you for that *hug*

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Review #4, by RHadley 

5th July 2012:
I'll be honest, you shouldn't be so terrified of writing Luna, you're very good at capturing her dreamy nature still with hints of her serious side beneath.

I'd like be able to write more about this, with a few pointers to improve upon, but I feel somewhat at a loss - I can't think of anything to suggest to help improve this chapter.

-RH

Author's Response: Baww. Thank you so much for this review!! It's much appreciated.

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Review #5, by caoty 

12th June 2012:
Hello, I'm here from tag~

This review will be mostly gushy and incoherent, so be warned.

The way you characterise Luna is brilliant. She's such a beautiful character, and you've shown that wonderfully with the way her natural surroundings seem so alive - the night air brushing kisses and blossoms waving at her and so on - which just shows how unique she is. She's almost innocent, in a way. It's ridiculously endearing.

I also liked the emphasis on potential. Luna's an intelligent woman, and of course she'd see the world's potential. It makes perfect sense, which is not often something writers can make a character like her do, so well done on that.

Overall, this was a pleasure to read, and I'm pretty excited for the next chapter, because I honestly can't find anything bad about this one. You are a fantastic writer.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Baww. Gushy and incoherent is still lovely! Thank you so much for this review. I always in awe when people appreciate and enjoy my writing. Luna is a fantastic character to explore and I really enjoy writing her. I look forward to hearing what you think of the rest of what is posted of this story.


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Review #6, by marlita1311 

3rd June 2012:
"It’s an amazing thing.” He finally said.

“What is, Neville?”

“Finding where you fit into the puzzle, you know, your place in it all.”

^^that's the words i'd choose from the whole chapter (as Luna did)

it's odd having Neville marrying someone else; i guess it's because i'd always picture him with Luna ;-)

overall i think it's a nice story laid out here!
keep up the good work!!
~marlita

Author's Response: Baww. I have never been much of a Neville/Luna shipper and think that the movies may have take a bit too much liberty with a relationship that was only ever platonic in the books, but I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter despite him marrying hannah.

thank you so much.


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Review #7, by Melinda 

7th February 2012:
Beautiful. I always imagined Luna would be more dreamy, distracted, and spaced-off, but it's nice to see your spin.

Author's Response: I firmly believe that Luna is a real person with depth and character. It makes me sad when I read stories that make her into some goofy characiture. I'm hoping to bring a realism to her floaty, whimsical sort of world.

Thank you so much for your review.


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Review #8, by Keira7794 

30th January 2012:
Hello :)

Woah - I'm already enjoying this story! Luna is one of my favourite characters in the Harry Potter series (Ron steals the first place ;) ) and I really like any stories about her.

However, so many make her seem stupid or just plain weird - there's always reasoning behind her madness :P And I'm so glad that you haven't done this with her. We're seeing the story from her POV yet still see her special strangness!

I really liked the beginning part in italics with the mention of Lysander and Lorcan - it was so motherly and cute, yet somehow had the aura of Luna :)

I also liked how you described Neville as still a school boy at his wedding - its a comment I could imagine Luna making and the relationship between them was clear. Also, Harry's interaction with Luna was brilliant (I loved the inclusion of James).

There really isn't anything I can critisise or hitn at you to improve because this really was a great first chapet. I'm looking forward to reading the rest!

Brilliant. 10/10 :)

Keira7794

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I adore Luna and love writing her when the inspiration strikes. It's wonderful to hear that people enjoy my characterization of her. I hope you continue to read along. I'd love to hear what you think of later chapters.

Thank you again!


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Review #9, by Tonks1247 

29th January 2012:
Hello :)

I’m almost speechless from how beautiful this chapter was! The description you use in every section of your writing, and the flow that comes with it is just incredible. It’s really easy to read and sink in to. And your characterization of Luna is flawless! You describe the way she thinks, and even the way she moves in a very Luna-type fashion, if that makes sense. You describe her floating down the lane, and that just…it screams Luna. You really get into her character and write her well!

Even Harry’s character, when you bring him in, is realistic. He still holds up to talking to her and truly acts as her friend. Same goes for Neville! I feel like you bring him a lot of justice in this chapter, and really bring him out as a character!

I really have no critique, so instead I’m going to share two of my favorites parts/lines from this :D

“Every lost soul turns to the night sky for answers to unasked questions. Every lost soul traverses the stars seeking something they were never sure was missing…I lower my quill to the parchment. I guess I have finally come home.” –This entire section at the beginning really drew me into the story. I finished reading that first little section and I just couldn’t stop. I had to keep reading to find out more about Luna’s story.

“Finding where you fit into the puzzle, you know, your place in it all.” –I adore this line. Especially because it’s from Neville. And it’s a line that would and does make Luna think about and remember it. And it’s just…It’s incredible. It shows growth in Neville’s character from the end of Deathly Hallows to when this story takes place. It’s great!

Incredible job! I’ll be back to read more soon! :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Oh my goodness. Your reviews have turned me into a shapeless blob. Thank you so much for your praise. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave these reviews. I love the two lines you pointed out. They really do say a lot about the characters.

thank you again.


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Review #10, by apocalypse 

10th January 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse here with your review!

Okay the first and foremost thing I'd like to mention is the description. I remember pointing this out on With All Things that I thought that it lacked description. However this story is exactly opposite of that. It has exactly the perfect amount of description and I loved reading it. The description added to my enjoyment of the story overall and made me enjoy Luna's contemplation and observations. Usually, when there is too much description, people tend to get bored of it but here, your writing style combined with Luna's character and of course, the kind of descriptive phrases, made sure that I did not get bored and eventually fell in love with the chapter. When the chapter ended, I realised where I was and what I had been doing. I had been so immersed in the contents of the story that I completely forgot my own surroundings. Very good job! =)

Moving on to the characterisation. I think that you have done a very good job on Luna and have captured her dreaminess excellently. She's matured here and that's obvious but you've maintained her original character so well that the blend of her maturity and her dreaminess was very fun to read. Loved it. However, one slight thing: there were some parts where I thought the her thought got too deep and the words you used made them sound more complex than they were. It's not such a problem but I just think that it could've been a little simpler? I hope you know what I mean.

Harry was a very good addition to the chapter. I'm glad that you've shown him as so happy with his life. =) The way he commented on James' actions was very funny and I enjoyed that dialogue a lot. You actually should his friendship with Luna and I did not miss the fact how much it matters to her.

Neville was very canon too and I really like how her made her realise that she needs a puzzle to fit into. The depth of his character was evident and even though we have not seen Neville talk like this in the books, his original character did not waiver and I was glad about that. So glad he's married and I wish there had been more on his wedding and his wife.

This was such a perfect chapter; so nicely written that I don't really have much to say on it. Your characters seem very original and are blending into the plot very well. Keep it up! =)

Author's Response: And finally the last review response for youu!

I commend you for comparing WAT to this story. I don't really see much in common between the two except for the fact that I write them both. They are just very different styles. I do know what you mean with the 'use of simpler' language thing, and I feel as though I got better at this-descriptive heavy style as the story progresses.

I love your critiques and find them really helpful. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this and hope you continue to as I begin to update it again.

Thanks!
-Melissa


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Review #11, by Akussa 

8th January 2012:
Hi! You're tagged!

You know, Luna's always been one of my favorite characters as well in the series. Sadly, in the world of FF, not many people are able to capture her dreamy personality without making her sound like some sort of comical stereotype.
Your Luna did not suffer this horrible faith. You did a wonderful job presenting her out of the ordinary personality and overworking imagination. The way you characterize her, having difficulty holding on to one idea at the time because there are so many other beautiful things to notice at the same time, that was perfect.

I thing you also did agreat job in making her mature and grow up a bit, but never enough that she would stop seeing all the wonders of the world.

Your describtive work in this chapter was perfect, everything seemed greater thatn nature, more beautiful and more interesting than it should be. The wording was also excellent, bringing out the poetic sense of Luna's imagination.

I greatly enjoyed this chapter, it was beautiful and inspiring. Great work!

Author's Response: Ah, review tag. :)

Luna is awesome in canon and is an absolutely terrifying feat to tackle in fiction. It makes me so happy to hear people enjoy her character as I've written it. I've trying really hard to prevent her from becoming a charicature. It was difficult to sort of progress her age into her mid twenties too, so I'm glad you picked up on that.

Thank you so much for all your reviews and praise and support. It really means a lot to me.

-Melissa


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Review #12, by ashling586 

8th January 2012:
I am not really sure where to begin this review. There were a lot of things that I loved about this chapter. I think that the chapter image is absolutely breath taking and is a great fit for this chapter. The descriptions you used at the very beginning about the swing and the night sky were beautiful. There were quite a few lovely metaphors hiding through out the chapter that I also loved. I wouldn't have minded more scenes from the wedding but over all I love the chapter and wouldn't really change a thing about it.

Author's Response: Thank you for this wonderfully nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #13, by academica 

6th January 2012:
Hey Mel! This looked super cute, so I couldn't resist checking it out. It's hard of kind not to love Luna :)

I love the beginning to this -- it's so Luna to focus on the stars and to believe in fate, but I think her feelings could easily have been applied to many characters in the series. After so much adventure, so much struggling, it must indeed feel very satisfying to relax at last and really feel like one is at home.

If you were terrified of writing Luna, it doesn't show at all. Your writing is so light and rhythmic, like a lullaby, and it reminds me so very much of Luna's free personality. It's a nice break from the darker stories I usually end up writing!

I loved the wedding scene. I could easily place myself there, swaying along to the music with Luna. The idea of her dancing while she walks is just perfect. It must have been nice for she and Harry to speak, for both of them to get to converse about something besides business as usual at their respective workplaces. I also liked the moment with Neville; Luna doesn't worry about boys she might have dated or matters of the past, but instead muses in a delightfully abstract way. It's just so perfect, so fluffy, so wonderful and full of potential.

I really loved this, and I'm glad I got to check it out. I suspect that I'll be back to continue reading at a later date. Wonderful! :)

Amanda

Author's Response: More Luna love :)

I'm so glad that you checked this story out and were able to accept Luna as I characterized her. There is something almost whimsical about her, and she was really challenging to sort of 'figure out'.

Thank you so much for this review.

xoxo
Melissa


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Review #14, by TallestTower 

2nd January 2012:
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
It feels strange to have such a strong connection to a character at the end of the first chapter, but I suppose that shouldn't be uncommon in fanfiction - we do already know the characters afterall - but it isn't just that I've always loved Luna (only just beaten by Neville!), but already I'm confident in your portrayal of her. The poetic, whimsical writing suits a story about her perfectly. Really quite an emotional first chapter! I loved that you showed the importance of friendship to her (the moment with Neville was so perfect), but also how her friends moving on could make her feel even more lost (even if it helped her to make her decision at the end). I just found her very easy to sympathise with and the pumpkin juice thing was such a lovely Luna touch.

"“Finding where you fit into the puzzle, you know, your place in it all.”"

This line had the perfect stumbling wisdom of Neville. Neville and Luna's perception of things can at times be quite similar I think (at times has to be used, radish earrings?), because they are similar in ways, and their ability to see things very clearly even though at school they were glanced over is one of their lovely shared qualities that makes them have one of my favourite friendships in the books. I know it seems like I'm rambling off in general here, but if so it was only because you conveyed all those things wonderfully.
So glad I finally got round to reading this! Will continue very soon!

Author's Response: Bawww. I miss youuu.

Luna has always been a character that sort of fascinated me, and I'm so glad when readers like my interpretation of her. Poetic and whimsical are definitely two traits I'm thrilled to have describe her. Nevile is my hands down favorite character, pretty much ever. You can ramble anytime because it is lovely and you are lovely.

Thank you so much for your review.

xoxo


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Review #15, by ariellem 

1st January 2012:
Hello! You've been tagged!

I quite liked this, mainly because I've read quite a bit of Luna fics, but very few of them seem to really capture her, which is what you did. The whole story seemed very dream-like, very Luna-ish, you know?

Great job!

Author's Response: Tag!

Thank you so much for your review. Dream-like is a pretty awesome comliment.


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Review #16, by hpgrl 

31st December 2011:
Hi! I absolutely love this chapter! I love your writing style- it's so poetic. I also love how the whole chapter seems to flow in such a logical order. Luna's characterization is not only extremely canon, but it also seems to fill in all the gaps in her character that we don't get to explore in the books- what goes on in her head and how she views the world, its magnificent. I also love how you seem to put your own spin on her. I loved everything here and I this is a great beginning. I'll definitely be reading on once I get the chance :D

-this is blue.knight from the forums ^_^

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you so much for your review!! Luna is such a daunting character to write, and I'm alway grateful to hear when somebody thinks I've done it right.


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Review #17, by HollyTheHolidayHorklump 

24th December 2011:
Your beginning segment is so strong already. It's Luna, but matured. I can see as someone who's gone through a decade+ more years of experience after the war.

I love how you express Luna's dreaminess, especially since she's one of the harder characters to write, in her PoV no less. The yellow flower is the perfect detail - it shows especially how much she sees the little things.

Awww, her father died! :( I thought something was up as soon as she said 'it was not home'. I could see a faint spell of loneliness already. I loved this line especially: One day, she would have the inspiration to sort through the twenty-five years of memories, but not tonight. It's just so... Luna. Thoughtful and sad, and simply there like a wisp hanging in the air.

Oh, of course Lee would MC a wedding. I love seeing the whole gang there, post-Hogwarts. I think it's a brill way of showing Luna's slowly growing dissatisfaction with her stagnant life. She becomes so used to things, she;d have to react to her friends' lives changing. I like that she doesn't react to it negatively as much as it's sort of a missing feeling. Like there's something more that she needs to seek out. Oh, and I love this line too: Why then was she a puzzle piece without a spot that complimented her passions and whims perfectly?

Great first chapter! :)

Author's Response: Gina, gina, gina.

I still can't believe you were Holly. Very, very sneakeh. Your reviews never cease to blow me away. Especially for this fic. I don't know, I just never really thought this story would be your cup of tea, and so the fact that you did enjoy it makes me very happy. :)

Restlessness is the primary motivation I had to drive this story forward. Luna's a dreamer and I can't see her content doing something without first seeing what else there is. Of course the gangs all there! This is one of the only chapters in the fic to take place in London, so I had to squeeze them in while I could.

Thank you so much for the reveiw, Gina.

xoxo


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Review #18, by forsakenphoenix 

12th November 2011:
Hi! So I'm finally here to at least read the first chapter. I pulled myself away from a thrilling pharmacology lecture to read this so I hope you're happy. ;)

Okay, first off, I can see why this won a Dobby! You can write, woman! I'm actually kind of jealous, especially with the way that you write Luna. She's...perfect. Slightly off-beat but a lot more coherent than most people would give her credit for. I like Luna though I think she tends to walk a bit to her own tune, you know? And I think you make some excellent observations about her character in this first chapter that really draws the reader in and makes them want to read more about her.

I loved the first part of this chapter - the part in italics - the small glimpse we get at Luna's future and what I'm sure this story will eventually get to. The idea of finding that one star - I love it. There's something soft and sweet about it, the way you've described it, it's like coming home. :)

Back to the observations about Luna...the first thing that really stood out to me was when she was walking outside and the stars "twinkled out an announcement to anyone who'd take notice" and Luna noticed. It's such a small, insignificant detail but it really says a lot about her, I think. Just that whole beginning part does. How closing a door is not an ending but a pause and gah, sunrise being a new day and your lines about the world's potential making colors brighter...it's just fantastic imagery and so, so perfect.

Your descriptions here are wonderful and very vivid. I've always imagined Luna as this brilliant, vibrant character and you really bring her to life in this. Her interactions with her old friends reveals that she's definitely matured since Hogwarts but she's still a dreamer, and I love that about the way you've written her.

The only error I noticed was in the paragraph talking about sorting through the memories of her father's things, you wrote: "but not tonight was not that day." I think the first 'not' should be removed to make it flow better. Aside from that, this was excellently executed.

I am so glad I got around to reading the first chapter and I hope to come back to read more when I can! I'm sorry this review is kind of all over the place, I'm kind of flaily and in awe at how wonderful this story is. Well done, and congrats again, on the Dobby win - much deserved!

Author's Response: Pharmacology... sounds terrifying.

Luna has sort of grown as a character in my head, but I'm still really satisfied with her beginnings here. It may sound egotistical, but I really wish I could see the world through Luna's eyes on ocassion. Writing her has reminded me to not take the world around me for granted. I always worry that I'm going to hit a point where I over do the imagery and lose the story, so the fact that you appreciate the imagery in this chapter means a lot. You're a fabulous writer and your opinion means a lot to me.

Thank you so much for this review!


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Review #19, by Remus 

14th October 2011:
Hey, its Perelandra from the Forums here with your review! I'm so sorry it has taken a while to come...just been super busy. But here it is!

Characterization: Luna seems very spot on. Sad to hear about her father though but she's still the same loony Luna. The way you describe her actions such as "floated down the lane" seem very Luna-esk attributes of her. She's always happy and sees the world completely different so I'm glad you were able to bring this forth. Luna dancing alone and not caring? Also brilliant. Harry and Neville seem in character as well for the little bit we saw them. The interaction between Neville/Luna and Harry/Luna was something right out of the book so keep doing it.

Plot: Well, I cannot really comment on the plot but all I have to say is that you were able to pinpoint Luna's emotions about not fitting into the puzzle just yet.

Your description is great. Full of imagery that I was able to view the wedding in my head without any problem. Grammar wise you seem alright except when it comes to dialogue punctuation. When you have a dialogue, it almost never should end with a period but with a comma.

Example: You have "Erm, thanks Luna.” Neville said after a moment." a comma should be at the end of Luna but not a period. Other than that, that's all I could spot since punctuation is not really my forte. Someone, a long time ago, taught me that so now I try to pass it along.

Alrighty! Now on to chapter 2! :D

P.S. Thanks for not writing this as a Oh-No-Neville-Is-Getting-Married-And-Luna's-sad story! XD

Author's Response: Heyyy. Sorry it's been so long since you left this and I still haven't responded. I'm awful and real life just likes to pile up and force me to prioritize... and then when I do have free time, I tend to be lazy. :( I really do appreciate these reviews from you and hope to request from you again in the future (and respond promptly :P ) Thank you!

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Review #20, by Phoenix_Flames 

12th October 2011:
Ah, Mel! Finally here. I'm sorry about the wait! I was done with reading your piece when the site crashed, and I hadn't had time sense. But I finally made time for it! And I'm so glad you requested. This had been on my reading list for quite some time, but it took me ages to get around to it. Who knows when I would have gotten here!

Ah, and it was wonderful. I loved every bit of it, and I can't wait to continue on. The beginning was beautiful, and you set up the scene perfectly. You really captured the imagery of it and pulled me straight into the story. Just from your captivating opening sentence, you had me intrigued. I love your use of stars in this piece, and I can't wait to see how the rest of that plays out with the story.

The wedding reception scene was beautiful. There were all sorts of little details that I just loved and that really brought character and life to the piece. I loved that you made all drinks on Harry. It's an action I can see him doing for his friends with all his money, and it's so kind. Also, in the same area, another little insert that just shows how well-developed the story is is through the mention of the Phoenix organization for orphaned children. All sorts of activities for organizations like that go on here, and so it only makes sense that they do in the wizarding world as well.

When reading these descriptions, their minor and don't impact the story really, but its these little things that show the depth of the story, the originality that sets it apart, and definitely your talent as a writer. I always love little things like this. More so than necessary, I think. :P I just find them as somewhat the defining parts of the story that really make it stand out. :)

And I thought the same way when Harry was talking to Luna and then there's James! Crawling along the dance floor. Precious. I love older Harry. Always, and I think you portrayed him perfectly. He's a great older version of the young boy wizard we all love, and happiness just pours out of him. The way it should be.

I love your Luna as well! She's great, and too cute. I always thought she had a delicate sense about her, and I think you put that aspect of her perfectly into the story. I felt as if she just danced along in this chapter, and her quirky, unique personality definitely came through.

Your descriptions were beautiful. I could really see the reception, the events going on within it, the emotions of the characters. Everything. It was all beautiful, Melissa! :)

And your flow was wonderful. Just as pretty as it sounded, it ran from one thing so simply to the next. And the great thing about the characters of the story, you don't have to dwell on sappy introductions. I always love it when that can be skipped over. :P I think the first chapter of a story is always vitally important to the success and progress of the story. Enough has to go on to catch the reader's attention and make them want to come back for more, and you achieved that exceptionally here. I definitely want to come back for more, and I want to see how it all progresses.

Melissa, this was brilliant! I have no complaints or little things to say. I didn't even pass any misspellings, misplaced words, or grammatical errors that I can recall. That's wonderful.

Super job! I would love to hit the second chapter right now, but unfortunately I have like fifteen stories in my queue. So I'm going to hit the rest of those, then I will be back for the next chapter. But if you don't want to wait that long, feel free to jump back into my queue. I can't wait to read more! Great job, hun! :)

xx.
Drue

Author's Response: Drue, I don't know where to start. This review is epic and a half and so are you. I'm so glad you enjoyed this and I'm very appreciative of you commenting on so many aspects of the story. Thank you so very much!

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Review #21, by Woodrow Rynne 

11th October 2011:
Perfect characterisation! :D Most often, I'm wary of Luna fics, because authors have a tendency to go overboard with her character- but the way you portrayed her was utterly beautiful! Your descriptions are so lovely too! :)

Great start! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review!!

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Review #22, by Beeezie 

10th October 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!

Sorry about the inconvenience. :( I only take one chapter at a time for a few reasons, but I'm always happy when people rerequest! :)

This is definitely going to be one of my shorter reviews, because this is a very well-written and polished chapter.

I saw a couple tiny mechanical problems.
- Fifth paragraph: "compelled her attention" seemed like an odd description for a lock.
- Sixth paragraph: "A new day" seemed to me like it should be follow by anything but a comma - a period, a dash, a colon, or a semi-colon would have all worked, but I don't think a comma does.
- Paragraph starting, "Luna caught Harry's eye through the crowd": the part of the second sentence that comes after the semi-colon felt a little awkward and unclear.
- Paragraph starting, "The two friends talked": "Harry regaled stories" should be "Harry regaled her with stories", no?

Other than that, I thought that the characterization was excellent. I got a sense of dreaminess and whimsy that one really needs to write a convincing Luna without feeling like it was being overplayed or too exaggerated.

When I saw the title of the chapter, I was afraid that you were writing a "Luna is angsting because Neville is getting married and she wants him so much," and am exceedingly glad to see that that is not the case. Your depiction of Luna's experience of the wedding is that one of her friends is getting married, not of her having conflicted feelings about it. It was done quite well, and I loved her interaction with Neville - it felt so true to their friendship. One thing I would have liked to see a bit more of in that scene, however, would be some acknowledgment of his wife - I know Luna didn't know Hannah well, but I would have liked to see something more.

Honestly, though, those tiny things aside, I have nothing bad to say about this chapter and plenty of good. :) Feel free to rerequest!

Author's Response: Hey! I could probably fill up a page of reasons I'm so horribly late with responding to this review, and honestly, none of my excuses are adequate enough. Real life has been busy and I've been focused on responding to reviews for another one of my stories and so these reviews have been set aside.

That being said, I really appreciate this review. I really love any review, but those that offer some criticism are always fabulous. I feel like without it, improvement is next to impossible.

It's always great to hear that the characterization is well done. I was terrified when I first began writing Luna. She's so, untouchable in terms of character. But the more I write this the more I feel I understand about her. She's not crazy, she just takes an extra second to see and appreciate things that just float by others. That simplistic awe she has about her world has really inspired me. This story is currently in the hands of a beta, and so I'll be polishing it up (and including the things you pointed out here) as soon as time allows it.

I hope you didn't feel slighted by my lack of response. I read and relish every review I receive and appreciate the time it takes you to leave them. Glad you enjoyed reading this!

xx
Melissa


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Review #23, by Owlpost68 

10th October 2011:
Hi, so first of all, straight off the bat (or wand lol) I loved the subtle references to different parts of the movie, and books. I don't know what it is, but it seems to just flow from what we already know :) And I'm not sure if you meant to do it, but the part where she's going to sleep with her feet on her pillows totally reminds me of Pippi Longstocking :) it made me laugh so hard. Even though Pippi is a lot more energetic, she certainly like Luna. If you haven't read any of the books or seen the movie, never mind though lol. It was great how you started with how happy she was with her boys, and now it feels like, ok this is the story up to that, and ended with this is how she began knowing she needed an adventure to find where she fit in her life. The whole chapter just ran smooth as silk and I loved it all. Now I'm anxious to find out what happens next or I could keep going lol. Great job!

Author's Response: Heyyy. Thank you so much for this review, and sorry it's taken me so long to let you know how much I appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed ihis first chapter.

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Review #24, by LilyFire 

1st October 2011:
I like it. It's a sweet intro to the story, but it also starts us off on the plot as well. I love how you've made Luna so far. So often she's in a dreamland state, or even slightly angry and depressed, but not this Luna. I love her :D

I like the descriptions in it too. It's great :) I really-I have nothing else to say. This story is great!
~Lily

Author's Response: Awww. Thanks so much Lily! Writing a convincing Luna was my prompt for this story when it first began... who'd of thought. Somebody had dared me to write the character I felt I could write the least well, and so Luna and First Star was born. I'm glad you find her characterization and my use of description to be effective.

Glad you enjoyed it!!
Melissa


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Review #25, by Mihali1432 

1st October 2011:
I am going to enjoy this story, I can tell you that now! :D
It's great! Description is great, and I want to know how it continues. I did find one grammar mistake,
"One day, she mused, she would have the inspiration to sort through the twenty-five years of memories, but not tonight was not that day." ^ I don't think that not is necessary. But besides that I found nothing wrong! :D
Have a good day,
Mike.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!! I really appreciate it! I do hope that you read the rest of what I've posted, and that you review if you're so inclined. :D hehehe. Yeah. That not is definitely not (no pun intended) supposed to be there. I think it's funny how little mistates like that can still pop up no matter how many times you edit something.

But anyways, thank you so much... I do hope you continue on with Luna and her adventure!


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