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15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alicia and anne 

14th August 2011:
This was amazing! I have goosebumps and was on the edge of my seat when that girl was fighting the death eater. I was hoping that the character would get there to save them and was sad that they were too late.
It must have been horrible to see all of this and have to watch out for their brother as well, I would have been heartbroken thinking they were out there.
overall a fantastic one shot, I loved how you described the fight and feelings, and I espcially liked how you had them heal themself at the beginning as though they were unstoppable.

alicia and anne
Slytherin

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Review #2, by Celtic_Dreamer7 

5th August 2011:
This was a great one-shot from her perspective. I like how you left the character un-named. It could be anyone, including ourselves. The metaphores to real life are amazing. I love how her perspective changes throughout the battle. Reading how she said good bye to the fat lady was a nice touch. A great story and a great read.

~Celtic~
Celtic_Dreamer7
Slytherin

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Review #3, by Debra20 

5th August 2011:
A very nice story you wrote here!

I can't make up my mind who the character is. I was thinking about Hermione, and the last line where she was fighting Death Eaters for her parents seemed to reinforce that opinion. I can't be sure of course, but there are hints here and there that made me think of her. But of course, she didn't have a brother. Maybe an OC?

If she is an OC then I find her intriguing. I'm wondering about her personality because we do see some traits that make me believe she is a strong, fearless girl who enjoys a good fight. A bit impulsive also.

You have good action description. I could see what was happening at every moment and that's something I'm jealous about because I'm not that sure I could do it so well. I found that one of the most important things about good novels/stories is that they have to be visual. Thanks for the great read!


House Cup 2011, End of an Era Review Extravaganza
Forum name: Debra20
House: Gryffindor

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Review #4, by parashar_harry 

9th September 2010:
boring.hey what is it please do not post such chapter

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Review #5, by Zaphiie 

22nd August 2010:
This is brilliant. I love how we don't know exactly who the narrator is - in a way it means the mean could stand for any person in the Battle of Hogwarts, because most of them would have gone through the same thoughts and emotional turmoil.

Awesome chapter :)

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Review #6, by Jazzeh Turnip 

22nd August 2010:
That's a very good first paragraph. Short, snappy and very powerful.

I like how a girl the narrator of this piece didn't even know had such an impact on her. I'm intruiged to know just who the characters in this are.

You conveyed the characters determination so well, and using thoughts of her parents was a really good move too. I know if I were to do anything for anyone it would be for my mother, so I can really understand that. You really made this feel like a war was going on too, with "She was gone, and I didn't even know her name." both because of the death and the unknown person, and also because the character CARES about her and tries to help, purely because they're both on the same side.

Well, I'm saying she, but I really have no idea if the narrator of this piece is female or not, so I would've liked it if you elaborated on that a little more, but it's not too much of a problem.

8/10
Lorren.

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Review #7, by Northumbrian 

20th August 2010:
Nicely written and with a great sense of mystery, who is the girl? Who is her brother. I'm intrigued, your four contributions are linked and I have not quite been able to figure out how. The girl and her brother are constants and I want to know more about them.
N

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Review #8, by In The Shadows I Dwell 

20th August 2010:
I loved this piece, despite not knowing who exactly the narrator was, although I have my speculations, nor do we know the exact identity of any of the characters we are able to gather a sense of the real tragedy in the war, the loss of lives. This fic really highlighted this, and in a way it made me wonder how many other people where killed without a thought, and how exactly they were connected to another person. Like the narrator says, "She was gone, and I didn't even know her name." We see just how horribly the war has affected these people, the fact that one could fall namelessly yet at the same time another could fight to save them, it highlights the bravery in the characters also.

I particularly liked the strength and determination in your main character and despite the very little time we spend with them we gain a sense of how strong they must have been in the face of the war they were confronted with. Your writing has highlighted this beautifully. Congratulations on a brilliant piece and keep up the excellent work!

- Ashlee

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Review #9, by theelderwand 

19th August 2010:
This was an excellent tale to end on, despair suffused with hope and courage. Fabulous!

This line was great: "The final spell was just about to be cast. The death eater could feel it, she could feel it. I could feel it."

I really had hoped she'd be saved. But her death wasn't pointless, it spurred courage in the face of tragedy. Very poignant and very well done.

Great story!

Eldy

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Review #10, by CornishPixie 

16th August 2010:
Hi there! What an interesting story! I say that because of the generic air in which it was written. We don't ever know who it is that we are seeing things from. We are able to guess that the person she is watching and running to try to help is Luna, but other then that we are just left wondering. This is a good angle, because there are many people involved in wars like this, so it really could be any of a number of people.

I think maybe the only problem there was that you might have even given a bit too much information about them. We know that this person is a Gryffindor, we know that they don't know what Luna's name is, and we know that they have an older brother who is 17 or older, so we are left trying to figure out plausible answers to our big question. Who is it? But it's only because we are HP-obsessed and know a bunch of characters that we are trying to do that.

Anyways, I would also liked to comment about somethign that I wish I had learned a little more about in this story. This person's parents. They were doing this for their parents, but I want to know why. Was it just because they wanted to make them proud, or had their parents been killed by death eaters and they wanted to avenge their deaths? A small blurb about their parents could have eased my wondering easily.

I really liked that Luna's death only motivated this person, though, instead of depressing them further. And I don't recall coming across any grammar issues. It was very well written, and thoroughly enjoyable to read. Good work!

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Review #11, by WhatAboutRegulus 

16th August 2010:
That was good. It shows how war actually is, and that makes it kind of sad. Good Job!

WhatAboutRegulus

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Review #12, by 1917farmgirl 

15th August 2010:
So, first of all - YOU KILLED LUNA?!?!?! Um...that's not very nice. Really, what did she ever do to you?

But I will give you credit for the unexpected. Didn't see it coming at all.

Nextly, I'm really intrigued by this character you presented. I want to know who she is, how she fits into everything, why she's fighting for her parents. Is she someone we know? And OC? Who's her brother?

Take all those questions as a compliment. It's not easy to write something this short and get me asking questions about it. Well done, and congrats on submitting the last posted fic to the contest. :)

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Review #13, by propertyoftheHBP 

15th August 2010:
I didn't catch who the two characters were--or was it left up to the imagination? I think that I like it that way. At first I thought the girl who ended up being killed was Luna, but I wasn't so sure after the mention of "bushy hair". I do really like the lines "The death eater didn't even look pleased with himself. He stood there for a second, before turning away and moving on, face blank". It's a different attitude than we noramally see of Death Eaters and actually a very refreshing one.

I liked this! It was a well-written and enjoyable read, you did a great job. :)

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Review #14, by maskedmuggle 

14th August 2010:
I really enjoyed this story! I think it is wonderfully written, and quite sad as well.

It's a great story that shows how in the face of battle, everyone has united. I feel so sorry for the girl that died. I wonder who's narrating this though. Neville's the only one who's lost his parents that jumps out at me, but he didn't have a brother. It would be interesting to see who you were thinking of when you wrote it, or perhaps it was an OC. Great story nonetheless!

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Review #15, by DemetersChild 

14th August 2010:
Wow, I got chills several times reading this story. You were able to capture so much in so little words. The reality of the battle, the familial ties of some of the people (some fighting against each other, even). The togetherness of it all. I truly enjoyed it. Good job. ^^

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