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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ScarletEye158 

4th March 2013:
Hey there!

Wow, I really liked this :) I thought you had some really good descriptions throughout the story. Those, mixed with the style of writing you used made a very interesting read; something I've never quite read before.

The use of the specific words over and over again really added a lot of emphasis and character. Sirius obviously knew what he was doing wrong, didn't care, and then decided against it again. The internal struggles he was going through really touched me and I felt bad for him :(

You did a very good job with his character too, by the way. He was always a very loyal and honorable person so I'm really glad you wrote him like this and had him give up Lily so that James would be happy. He didn't need to do that, yet I definitely couldn't see him doing anything differently.

I also liked how you kept the characters a secret until the very end. It kept me very interested to see what was going to happen and even though you didn't say their names, you didn't have to. It was very obvious to anyone who knows Harry Potter yet it wasn't predictable. Does that make any sense? lol.

anyways, great story! I could never pull off a writing style like this but you did it perfectly!

-Amanda

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Review #2, by adluvshp 

1st March 2013:
Hey!

Wow this was a very well-written story! I absolutely loved it. I have never been much of a Sirius/Lily fan but this really touched me.

I loved your portrayal of Sirius and how he is stuck in between loyalty to his family (James) or to his love (Lily). His dilemma was beautifully expressed. I enjoyed your writing style a lot too, the short clipped sentences and stand-alone-words were a very nice touch to the narrative.

My favourite part was where Sirius and Lily were kissing and his thoughts kept interrupting him until he finally pushed her away. That was so nicely done, and it really struck a chord. His pain was so evident after his heartbreaking decision.

The ending was really beautifully written and I loved the incorporation of the "Crack" as his heart breaks and ultimately shatters - that was such a great portrayal of imagery and I enjoyed it.

The second person narrative was also very suited to the story mood and I liked it. It can be confusing at times, but in most places in your story it was all clear and I didn't have trouble understanding anything. There was this small part - "...Are you sad? Disappointed? Hurt?..." which seemed a little off to me in connection with its preceding sentence so I'd suggest rephrasing those few lines a little bit to make it more clear. Another little CC I have for you is that, I'd have liked to know more of Lily and her relationship with him here. If you had included more description of her, or maybe included a flashback to express her relationship with Sirius better, it would have been even better.

But apart from that, this made for a great read.

Good work!
9/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #3, by alicia and anne 

1st March 2013:
I don't think I've read a story in a very long time that was written with me being the character, that's a very challenging way to write but you've pulled it off very well.
This is such a great one shot, I was literally on the edge of my seat the entire time. The way that you got the emotions across as though I was the one feeling them was done brilliantly, I am actually in awe.
The way that you used his fathers words as something that was still affecting him seemed very real and lifelike and it's a great addition to the story to see Sirius going through so much confusion.
And that ending, that was a really shocking ending, I wasn't expecting it at all. But wow, that was just so well written, especially with the cracks of his heart as he thought about family and I'm guessing that's what made him think of James, because James is his family.
I can really see this being more then a one shot, I think you've got a lot of things in this story that can help you to elaborate and maybe make it into a Novel.
Very well done, I was really amazed by this story.

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Review #4, by Toujours Padfoot 

28th February 2013:
No! Turn around, Sirius!

I wish he would have stayed there like she wanted him to. I mean, just because James loves her doesn't mean that by giving her up, Lily will automatically transfer her feelings for Sirius to James instead. But I know why Sirius did it. He, more than most, knows what loyalty and honor is. He won't betray his best friend's trust even if that means his own heartbreak.

Sirius/Lily always makes me feel a little bit sad, because I can definitely see it as something that could have happened, but even if Sirius loved her just as much as James did, James had made his feelings public. In doing so, telling all the world from the very beginning that he wanted Lily, it was a way of saying she was off-limits. From there on out, she was untouchable amongst his friends. For someone like Sirius, who treated his friends with the utmost respect, it would be the worst kind of betrayal to go after James's girl even if she wasn't even his girl yet. The extent of his loyalty is really something to admire, and you realistically captured how torn he would feel if placed in a situation where he could have had her if he wanted, but chose instead to give her up. His sacrifice could have been for nothing, too, if Lily had just decided she never wanted anything to do with James. But she eventually did. His inner desperation, the urge to be noble clashing with the urge to be selfish, was so hard to watch. I really felt awful for him.

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Review #5, by Pointless Nostalgic  

23rd May 2010:
Well, that gave me shivers.

I've always been intrigued by the thought of Sirius/Lily fanfiction, and I definitely think it's difficult to pull off. I think you pulled it off here. First of all, you barely told us anything about what their relationship in the past was, but from their behavior alone, I understood it. It was incredible! You wrote this in such a way that you didn't need excessive backstory, and I think that was rather remarkable.

Furthermore, there was nearly no dialogue throughout the story, and I think that was an excellent choice. It made each word they said all the more powerful and moving. I wish I could explain more artfully why I found the lack of dialogue so captivating, but I'm afraid Iím at a loss for words. :)

This piece was also stylized, which I think can be a dangerous path to take, but once again, you pulled it off beautifully. Each repetition felt rather like a heartbeat to me, and it literally gave the story a pulse. Absolutely stunning.

Your descriptions were seamless as well. I could actually see what was occurring in my mind, and could imagine with incredible precision what was going on. You wrote in such a way that gave me a gorgeously clear image of the events that were unfolding.

I wish I could express with more eloquence how much I enjoyed this, but I'm afraid this will have to do. Wonderful work, and I'll be keeping an eye out for your future work.

Best,

Christine

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Review #6, by Sirius Blacks lover 

14th May 2010:
aw I love this! It's so sad and sweet, and I like how you describe all the emotions and confusion swirling in Sirius' head. Great job!

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