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14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by girly1393 

13th May 2011:
I just hate that both of them have to go through that when they're so young. God, I hate it.

Bravo to you.

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Review #2, by robin 

26th February 2010:
Just wanted to say that you are doing a great job with this story. I think you have captured the characters beautifully.
I hope to read more.

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I love these characters! I hope you continue to enjoy as the story progresses.

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Review #3, by spangles 

14th February 2010:
Oh geeze, the Death Eater take a break and then Mr. Potter get's a stroke? No fair. I'm starting to wonder when the last chapter was that didn't have a death in it...that just makes your story so much better tho (: 10/10

Author's Response: LOL nope, not fair. Isn't that how life goes, though? When it rains it pours, and all those other old sayings about life.

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Review #4, by Manny<3 

11th February 2010:
I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE NEVER READ THIS STORY BEFORE! Seriously, I just can't believe it. I tend to stay away from Dobby award winners because some of them can be so cliche that it makes me want to barf but then one of my mates told me to check this out (she's an author here) so I did and boy, am I glad I did! Everything is just so great about this story from the interactions between the characters to certain little things which go unnoticed or no one hardly takes notice of (like Lily and James comforting each other, or Lily calling Wormtail wormy, or Sirius and his tea leaf habits).

And the flow from comedic or serious scenes is great. I do enjoy a good change every once in a while and things which are stagnant tend to be sooo boring.

Kudos on the natural death of James's parents (I mean, we all know he's going to die in the next chapter from stroke or perhaps from something else or you know, eventually they'll die). So many people put their deaths at the hands of the Death Eaters which is sooo far from the truth, we all know this, I don't get why people deviate from canon for. Haha.

So yeah, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS STORY! Hopefully you can update it soon? Please please? :P

Author's Response: heylo... Well, welcome to the story then XD I suppose you are right about Dobby winners - not all of them, I've read a few excellent ones - but as they are mostly chosen by the public... I guess that leaves a lot of cliche's since thats what people seem to love. At any rate, it is quite nice to hear that somebody has recommended this to you.

I really enjoy hearing that you enjoy the tiny details that nobody really notices! Sometimes I think those little things can say the most. To be honest, though, I don't enjoy Lily calling Peter 'Wormy', but JKR did it in that letter... so might as well work it in, eh?

Sometimes I think that if I stuck with just one mood throughout an entire chapter, it would get pretty exhausting to read! Plus, there is always a little humour in everything, no?

I agree on James's parents - JKR herself says there was nothing spectacular about their deaths, and that they just died as commonly as any other person would. I don't know why people make them die from DE's, unless most stories were written before the info was known? Maybe they just forget, or don't pay attention :)

I am working on chapter 31. I'm not very far along, though, as I only just got started on it after a brief hiatus. Maybe 25% done, so check back sometime next week :) And thanks for this very kind review!


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Review #5, by EmilyB 

9th February 2010:
Wow...just wow this story is so utterly amazing and wondeful and awesome and made me cry more than once. You really do have a way with words and I'm so thankful you havent abandoned it at all, (which people seem to do after the 25th chapter and chapters like that).

It really does suck you in like Harry Potter (the original books). I have to constantly remind myself that none of this happened (although it might have, you never know)

Just awesome! I love it!

Author's Response: Hi Emily! Wow, this is one of the awesomest reviews I have ever gotten, even if it's not the longest. I love hearing that it makes people react strongly (although I'm sorry you cried). Nope, I'm too deep into this one to abandon it now... It's nearly halfway done. Although I do sometimes take off for a few weeks every 5 chapters or so.

LOL maybe it did happen. I make sure I get the facts straight so it will be canon compliant - so who knows. Could have, though I don't guarantee the order of events!

Thank you so much for the review. It inspires me to want to get on chapter 31, which I have been putting off for a couple weeks now.


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Review #6, by Fairytale12 

26th January 2010:
Yet another brillinat chapter. You are really such a talented writer and I hope you know that. I thought this chapter was very intense. You wrote the death of all the Bones' very well and I like how you showed the impact their deaths had on the Order and the whole wizarding community. You also left us with a bit of a cliffhanger in that we want to find out what is going to happen to James' dad. As always I eagerly await an update :)

Author's Response: Hi Fairytale! Thank you for the comments. I wanted to make the Bones's deaths stand out - some of the minor characters (order members) I often seen their deaths only skimmed over in other Marauder fics - but considering the Bones family, I think their particular deaths would have sent quite the message to the world.

Ah, cliffhangers. Got to keep you guys wanting to find out whats next, right? :) Thank you for reviewing, you have no idea how much I enjoy hearing people's thoughts.


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Review #7, by Raquel 

25th January 2010:
NO! There's no more?

Author's Response: that's it for now, but more is coming soon :)

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Review #8, by Casey!! 

20th January 2010:
O.M.G. Seriously am loving this story so so much. I'm terribly sorry for not reviewing every single chapter, I swear tomorrow I shall try to review them all because yes this story is just so bloody fab that I feel the need to show you how much I just love it. I know alot of people say this but you make the characters and situations seem to realistic, I was actually getting scared when Sirius and Remus were going into that house even though I wasn't even there! Plus there isn't any romantic nonsense (you know what I'm talking about) and ah, everything is just so wonderfully written. You should never sell yourselt short, its a beautiful story and I wish more people could be able to see it!

Hugs

Author's Response: Hello, I'm glad you like it so much! It doesn't bother me too much when people don't review - I know it is a LOT to read, let alone review! But you are still more than welcome to review as much as you want (I'd be absolutely thrilled). I try really hard to keep things realistic and believable (as much as possible in a story about magic and wizards). I want people to be able to relate to the characters.

Were you really getting scared? That's so fun. I love to hear that people are so into it that they can react that way.

There is a LITTLE romantic nonsense, but hopefully its so scarce that it's enjoyable! Thank you so much for the review.


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Review #9, by Lily 

19th January 2010:
Wow! That last section was intense! It would be so horrible if James' father had to die. Then again, if Harry's grandparents were alive when he was born then he would have been raised by them and not the Dursleys. So, I guess you'll have to kill them off. :(
The death of the rest of Edgar's family was so sad. You set up the whole thing really well, how they both died the same night, and how no one knew that Edgar hadn't died with the rest of them.
Looking forward to the next chapter - keep up the good work!

Author's Response: That's what I always figured too. They must have died, even though JKR never addressed that specifically. They were so old anyway. I do have plans for them to die in this story.

I'm glad you liked how Edgar's family died (that sounds terribly morbid, but you know what I mean). I liked having the family killed separately. It kind of hits you twice, plus, it's always good to do it differently from how I did the McKinnons :)

Thank you, as always, for reviewing!


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Review #10, by KaiaRose 

19th January 2010:
Oh no! The whole Bones family and now James's Dad!? I just know this won't be the end of the heartache. I truly and enjoying this story immensely.

Author's Response: I know, it's a like a neverending stream of deaths, right? And we still have to get through Regulus, Sirius's father, and other Order members, not to mention James's mother. It's JKR's fault, really!

Glad you are enjoying the story, thank you for the review!


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Review #11, by Lizzie 

19th January 2010:
I just wanted to *makes violent gesture in the air* Benjy when he was going off to Sirius. Although that is probably from the fact that I enjoy Sirius's point of view in the story and anyone who goes off on him, I want to kill. Well, not really but still. But the first section was awesome, the tension and emotion was so strong it felt as though you could touch it even though you weren't there. It made me extremely uncomfortable because I knew what was going to happen (them arguing and Sirius being all moody [was going to use the word emo there] and you know, the fact that they prob suspect him of double-dealing) And James standing up for Sirius and telling Benjy to shut it, I don't know what was so awesome about that but it reminded me so much of how I would react if someone went off at a friend of mine. Plus he probably wanted to snap at someone to relieve the tension he was feeling (both of them in that sense). And Sirius offering to go to the Bones place with Remus, I never thought of him as being sympathetic towards people, exactly like how you said with him just being shut-off and basically like a brick wall. It was good that Remus went, I could hardly imagine Sirius trying to soothe a widow and her family after telling them of their husband's/father's death. I don't think its his fault either, look what he had to grow up, you would hardly think he was even capable of love when you see his parents and family.

I have no idea but this sentence made me laugh so much '“Moony, do you know what?"' it was so absurd, how on earth is someone supposed to reply to that sort of question but it must have been hard to just spit it out. I do, however, think they were awfully stupid by going into the placce by themselves regardless of whether or not Bellatrix (who I hate and if I was there, would probably want to kill her myself) was there because they could have been killed and what good are they, if they are dead. Then I understand why they wanted to go there in the first place and why Sirius hates her so much. I'm glad that you didn't change the point of view in the house, I would have dearly hated reading about Sirius finding the bodies just because of how depressing and sad it would be. Def not prepared for that sort of thing. Plus, it was extremely well-written, could completely see it going on inside of my head.

Honestly I thought it was a bit bizarre that they were having the funeral inside the Ministry. But where else would it have been held and its easy to get there for people to pay their respects. And then the next paragraphs about how nothing happened was great. It felt like a total cleansing of the horrific things in the previous section about the Bones' death and I loved how Lily was landscaping, she really reminds me of myself sometimes with the things you make her do and say. Haha. It was a good few paragraphs, I guess life would generally be like that if there was not a war or if Lord Voldemort was gone.

I literally went 'O f---' when I heard about James's father. Its incredibly sad because after so much peace and quiet (well not so much peace and quiet but a relief from the war), it all starts up again with the deaths. Looks like its going downhill really fast. I can't imagine how incredibly sad the next chapter is going to be. And yeah JK said somewhere that they died from natural deaths and not in a war, well they died from old age or something. So you can shove that under whose ever nose tells you that they died in an epic battle. I guess not everyone can have an epic battle death scene. Some of them just die anyway. Although I bet fingers will be pointed that it was the Death Eaters or some other thing.

Author's Response: I don't know why I always write from Sirius's POV. Maybe because I seem to think he would have the strongest reactions and opinions on things. But I'm glad you enjoy it, and I don't blame you for wanting to throttle Benjy on Sirius's behalf. (I suppose Sirius IS emo lol. I don't mean to make him that way, and I'm unsure if it's because it's in his POV so you get a massive dose of him, or something else - but then, who wouldn't be emo with a life like his?) Anyway, that was me trying to excuse it lol. James is a great friend, though, and he'd never let anyone treat somebody he cared about the way Benjy was. I definitely couldn't see Sirius comforting the Bones family either, he really only wanted to get out of the meeting. Thank God for Remus XD

That line IS a little odd now that you mention it. When I thought it in my head whilst writing, it seemed fine, but I may have meant it to be asked in a different tone of voice from how you read it? Or maybe not, sometimes things DO sound good and then I read them and cringe. I tend to get lost and breeze right through when writing, and don't look back, so I'm always surprised when I suddenly realise something turned out terrible! I have to admit, though, that I'm glad you find them stupid for going in there. Sometimes I worry that I don't make Sirius reckless enough - he was supposed to be, after all, and he even gave Harry a hard time for not being as dangerous as he and James used to be. So I think finding them stupid is kind of good, and I am glad you can understand their reasoning at the same time.

I never thought twice about having the funeral at the Ministry. There were a lot of people there because the Bones family is so prominent, so for safety measures, it was better to have it someplace like the Ministry than in an open, vulnerable cemetary. Just one of many sacrifices made during the war, eh? I'm thrilled you liked the next paragraphs, I personally hated them - it felt like I was rushing, but I think it would have bored people to spend more time on it than what I did. I just feel like it interrupts the flow of the chapter.

The last part is my favourite, personally. I think they've kind of forgotten that the Death Eaters aren't the only danger, and that death for other reasons does still exist. It's kind of a wake up call. And you're right, James's parents are definitely not going to die by any sort of attack in this story. But I could have sworn she said they died of a magical illness. And a stroke isn't quite that. I will have to look it up again, because I could have him die now if she didn't say it was magical. I'm unsure yet of what's going to happen, but as of now, it's just meant to scare them and remind James that he probably doesn't have a whole lot of time left with his parents.


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Review #12, by pennyardelle 

18th January 2010:
I misread "Aberforth" as "Albus" at the beginning there, and you know what I thought? I thought, "But it's Dumbledore, the best wizard in the world--he couldn't make bad coffee!" Haha, anyway...

Ooh, the scene there at the start was fantastic. The tension was just...palpable. (That's an overused phrase, but oh well.) It was so well put together, and...well, I can't say much more than that. Although I think the some of the lines of dialogue at the beginning were in need of question marks at the end, but that's not really a big deal.

Remus and Sirius going to check on the family was also really well-written...I feel like there's something there that planted doubt in Remus' mind about Sirius. I could be wrong, though; maybe that hasn't quite started yet and I'm just reading into it too much. And how very clever (but sad) for them to put Edgar's body back at his house, to keep suspicion from themselves.

The way you very gradually switched the tone in the middle there, and how it so quickly snapped back to being one of urgency with James' dad, was also really well-done. I loved the image you created of Lily brushing away her tears angrily--it was one of the best descriptions of emotions I've read in a very long time. Crying out of panic and anger is not something I often see described, but it's a very real reaction.

Er...yeah. This was really, really incredible, so I can't even think of anything else to say! Well done, though, and thanks for updating. :)

Author's Response: Of course Dumbledore would make the best coffee in the world!

I'm glad you liked the scene at the start. I was kind of iffy about having the Order argue amongst themselves - they're supposed to be a really awesome group of people, after all. But then I figured if I was going to be realistic, the stress would probably get to them, and they might suspect things. But about the question marks - I think i didn't include them because I didn't mean for them to be spoken as questions - more as statements. But anyway, after rereading it, you're right, it looks kind of silly to have so many phrases like that and not a single question mark! lol. So I've added a few in where I thought it wouldn't change the tone too much.

I hadn't intended for any doubt to be in Remus's mind at this point - I was always under the impression that Remus and Sirius never suspected each other of anything until after the prophecy. However, now that you have mentioned it, I'm not going to shut down that idea, because I reread the part and I can see where you're coming from. I kind of like the idea of it, actually. I think the way Sirius is acting could definitely give Remus something to think about.

Gah, the middle was so bad. Boo. I feel like I just rushed right through a lot of things, but really, would anybody really want to read in detail about the gossip surrounding the Bones' deaths every day? I thought it was okay to skip over quickly, but I kind of feel like it put a rut in my pacing and the flow of the chapter.

Anyway, though. Poor James, I felt bad writing this chapter! Glad you liked the angry way she cried, because I quite literally hoped that nobody would say it seemed awkward to be angry at a time like this. I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter.

Thanks for the wonderful review, again :)


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Review #13, by Moonylupin 

18th January 2010:
Aww, poor Mr. Potter! I hope he'll be alright, though I have a feeling that won't be the case. I like that you kept any potentially fatal problem regarding James's parents to something natural - rather than them being killed by Death Eaters. While it's good for dramatics, JKR did say they died of natural causes. Hopefully it's not Mr. Potter's time yet. It would be nice for him to see his son get married.

I loved the tension within the Order. Benjy getting upset at something as stupid as the legs of Sirius's chair hitting the floor. I don't blame him for being so upset, considering he was one of the first on the scene. Their numbers really are dwindling. While I have this thought in mind - that is really ironic (and sad) when Sirius says Bellatrix would be his to kill, when in reality it's the exact opposite. Anyway, I was glad that Frank put a stop to the bickering.

I guess this is where they first start suspecting someone might not be entirely trustful? Though it seems a bit early for that. I think the theory that Edgar's death could have just been the result of the Death Eaters trying to get the Ministry is a plausible one. Sirius and Remus going to find the rest of Edgar's family to tell them what happened was really sad. I loved when Remus said the Blacks weren't Sirius's family, that they - him, James, Peter and Lily - were. I liked the hesitation they had when they saw the green glow of the Dark Mark. It really showed a lot of uncertainty about how to go about things. It was smart to use that spell to see if anyone was in there. It really got me when Sirius just said that they were dead. I guess they're steadily realizing they'll be doing a lot of this and can't really get emotional when they find out about more deaths.

Poor Remus is having job difficulties. I hate the people who turn him away from jobs. At least Peter's having luck on that from (though he shouldn't be, he doesn't deserve it). Great chapter! I really want to find out what's happening with Mr. Potter!

Author's Response: I always see James's parents killed by Death Eaters, and it annoys me to no end. I could understand if it was a canon fact that JKR said after the stories were written, but the Lexicon has stated they died of natural causes for as long as I can remember, so I don't know why people keep writing it differently! It WOULD be nice for them to see James get married.

I'm glad you liked the Order's tension. This isn't quite where any suspicion starts yet; it's more just a little lingering prejudice against where Sirius came from. Nothing has really happened yet to make anyone suspect anything... Benjy's just in denial over Edgar's death and upset and unsure of what to think. But these little incidents COULD add up to make a stronger suspicion when things begin to happen in the future.

I thought of you when I was writing the part with Edgar's family. Mostly because of Remus's presence - I haven't included a whole lot of him since his werewolf mission, and I know he's your favourite. Your other comments are nice - it's great to hear that the things you point out (uncertainty, etc) are the things I was going for as far as keeping it realistic. And yeah, they're pretty much to the point of accepting the deaths and not really reacting as much.

Poor Remus. Things have calmed down a little and now he's right back in his original situation. I figure Peter's inheritance won't last forever :) Plus it shows how he's beginning to distance himself from his friends a little - not that he means to, it's just the circumstances of having to have a side job now.

Mr Potter = next chapter! Thanks for reviewing


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Review #14, by auror_snape 

18th January 2010:
It's sad about James' father. I guess this is the beginning of the end of the Potter family, because James and Lily won't last much longer.

It was really cold of Dumbledore to take Edgar's body back to his house and leave it with the bodies of his wife and kids. I think he should have done that differently.

Author's Response: It's sad indeed, BUT this isn't so bad for James's dad just yet :) After all, he died of a magical disease according to JKR and a stroke is hardly that :) So it's more of a scare than anything.

I'm getting the feeling that you don't like Dumbledore! I think it's terrible too, and I hesitated whilst writing it - moving corpses around is sort of gross. But if he had left it there at the Ministry, a lot more could be at stake.


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