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17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Capella Black 

7th August 2011:
Who writes the best fight scenes? Eldy writes the best fight scenes! Loving this chapter! The description is so edgy and compelling, that I really didn't know how things would end, and was constantly on the edge on my stool. Yet despite the fast pace, at no point did it lose coherency or vividness - I really felt like I could see it all, spell by spell. I love the originality of it too - the crossed stupefy's, the double wand blasts - all very believable, and all very unique.

The dialogue is snappy too, though I do have an unusually negative reaction to Harry and Ron calling each other brother. Don't know why, but it's probably me being odd. Still, that last line "I've been ready for eleven years" is perfect - so Harry and so right for the moment. Nicely done!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor

Author's Response: Wow!! Capella, I'm blown away by this great review.

Blushing with the praise of my fight scenes. That's my strength, so if the fights suck, I got nothing!

I picture Ron and Harry, post Hogwarts, as kind of a "buddy cop movie." The whole "brother" thing, gets addressed in "Battle of the Pitch." They didn't just start doing that automatically - it took a very nasty fight in the Archives at the ministry and the aftermath for them to get to this point. So, rest assured, there is an explanation. Ditto as to the crossed wand spells (I cover that in "The Proposal") and Harry's use of that new "Disgorgio" spell as well as why Harry's and Yaxley's wands lock (both points are addresed in "The Tipping Point." - there's a timeline for all these stories in the author's note at the end of the final chapter of Crusade).

Thanks so much, again for this great review! I love hearing from you.

Eldy


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Review #2, by LilyGreenEyes 

27th April 2011:
This is yet another outstanding piece of writing from you!

It had all the pace, mini cliff hangers, heart in mouth moments and joy something like this should have in absolute perfect balance. I actually, and believe me, I've looked hard, cannot find anything I could criticise with anything you have written. You are simply an outstanding and truly gifted author, and it's sheer delight to read anything you write.

Anyway, back to the chapter, the characterisation is, once again, spot on. You seem to 'know' Ron so well and can write him perfectly. I'm finding it very easy to read, it flows, holds your interest and pulls you towards the end. Just fantastic, it really is.

My mum would love to meet you because you're writing does one thing that very rarely happens to me, it makes me speechless ;) It's an honour to read your work for free on here, because I would gladly pay for a hardback version of this and queue for hours.

Fabulous, well done!

Author's Response: Ok. Blushing here. A Lot.

This is one of my favorite chapters as it is the birth of my version of Ron and Harry as "buddy cops," which has kind of become my niche these days.

Characterization of Ron is always difficult to a degree - trying to let him be more mature, but still "Ron" takes a little doing. However, after Clocks it started to come a lot easier.

So, you're mum's looking for a way to shut you up, eh? LOL.

Again, I really can't thank you for all the praise. And its really a pleasure for me to get reviews like this from one of the original fans of Clocks. That means a lot.

Eldy


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Review #3, by Mintleaf 

12th April 2011:
I love all your suggestions that seem to be popping up at the end of each chapter! Anyway, you should really label this an amazing fight scene in an alley too haha! This was great; one of those chapters I just raced through! I love the creativity with Harry using two wands and the rest of the strategy. Can't wait to read the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: I really like to plug the work of my friends and the folks that inspired me (they're one and the same, actually).

My old creative writing professor always used to say, "to write good fiction, you've got to read good fiction." without the inspiration of the great writers on this site, I wouldn't be half the author I am now. Its only fitting to give credit where it's due. That said, definitely check out their stuff.

Really glad you liked the alley fight. This is one of my favorite chapters - I had entirely too much fun writing it.

Thanks again!

Eldy


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Review #4, by melian 

17th August 2010:
I have to say something. Apostrophes for plurals are one of my pet hates and you've done it a few times in this already. Death Eaters, not Death Eater's. Unless it's for a possessive then you don't use the apostrophe.

Right, rant over. Sorry about that, I just couldn't help myself. If you'd requested this on my review thread I'd be going through with a fine-tooth comb picking out all the errors and I'm not doing that (because I can't be bothered, hahaha) but I had to point it out. I'll shut up now. :)

Okay, the story. I was a little worried that you were about to kill off Dennis Creevey, when quite frankly I think the poor boy has suffered enough already. Fortunately Ron was able to catch him. And I adored Seamus' mass Stunner - fortunate that it didn't hit any Aurors, but then again this is fiction and these things do occasionally happen even in real life (see: Battle of Agincourt).

It feels strange, though, having all the DEs defeated this early in the story. I can only assume that things won't go as planned from now on. :)

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Punctuation! The bane of my existance! Thanks, I'll get on it.

When I started this tale, I wasn't sure who would live and who would die. I was torn between writing another AU or a somewhat canon tale. Dennis did almost die as did Harry in this scene. No promises as to ANYONE getting thru this alive.

As to the guerilla war, this story purposefully takes place right at the end of it, for reasons which will become more obvious later. Incidentally, my other three Crusadiverse tales: "Battle of the Pitch," "Best Laid Plans" and "The Proposal," all flesh out and, to a degree, wallow in the guerilla war, so never fear, that back story does get more thoroughly addressed.

Will things go as planned from here out? Sure! Its all sunshine and roses through the rest of the tale. NOT!

LOL!

Eldy


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Review #5, by Miss Lily Potter 

15th August 2010:
I think I have read the fight scene you're referring to. It was a while ago, but I do remember reading AMW when it was requested once.

But that doesn't actually have to do with the story. *cough* So anyway.

Aw, they're happy! It's over! ... Somehow, I get the feeling that it's not entirely over, but for now, they're all happy, and I like that.

I loved the battle scene. So much. It's obvious you have a talent for them, and I envy that.

I really liked the little bits of humor in this, like:
“What idiot came up with this brilliant plan?”
“You did mate.”

That made me laugh, as did the other unexpected bits of humor. (:

I thought Harry was dead, and when he opened his eyes, I was like "Thank goodness". Out loud, actually. So... Yeah. It's good that he's alive, 'cause that would've been really bad if they'd finally won and he wasn't there to see it.

The first chapter is still in the back of my mind, however... Does that have something to do with the later chapters? Hmmm.

Reading on. (:
-Jasmine

Author's Response: AMW was a great tale. It really did help inspire me here.

This is one of my favorite battle scenes and it was my first chance to really write Harry and Ron in action. I like to write them as if its a "buddy cop movie." The line you pointed out is my favorite humorous one in this entire story.

I almost did kill Harry off here. he was only a coin flip away. But, then I realized it would be so much more entertaining if I let him live a little longer. LOL!

I'm really glad the emotion of the whole thing struck you. I wanted to convey just how rough the guerilla war has been on everyone. This gets more fully addressed in three of my other stories that act as prequels to the canon characters in this story. They are: "Battle of the Pitch," followed by "Best Laid Plans" and ending with "The Proposal." In those I flesh out the back story that is taken for granted here.

Ah, yes, that pesky first chapter. Now how does it all fit together? The answers are coming!

Thanks again!

Elder


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Review #6, by PrincessPadfoot 

16th July 2010:
Okay so my initial reaction to this chapter:

:O OMFDP, WtCC, OMFW! (in English: surprised face, oh my frozen dairy products, what the crapity crap, and oh my flippin word). All good things I assure you.

So! This is how you write an action scene. This is amazing!! Like it reads like a movie (does that even make sense?). Like I can see everything happening as it happens and it's amazing!!

Okay so I almost had a heart attack when I thought that Harry was dead. Don't you do that to me TEW!! I'm too young to die!!

hehe another brilliant chapter!!!

On to chapter 4!!

PP

Author's Response: Hehehehe. That was exactly the reaction I was gunning for and its got me as pleased as firewhiskey that it worked. Thanks!

I had entirely too much fun writing this battle scene; I'm really glad the visuals were sharp. I wanted it to play out like a movie.

Y'know, Harry came REALLY close to dying in this scene. He was a coin flip away from being dead at the end. But, he got a reprieve. Sorry about the heart attack, tho. You may want to read this tale with a defibrilator near your computer. Just a thought. ;)

Thanks again

Eldy


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Review #7, by RonsGirlFriday 

4th July 2010:
But there were two things Ron did masterfully. One was tactical planning. The other was watching Harry's back.

I do believe that sums up Ron in 20 words or less!

Great battle scene in this chapter. I'm really envious of your ability to write action scenes.

Author's Response: Aww, shucks...Thanks!

That passage you cited is one of my all-time favorites. Really making my head swell with all the praise here! I love fight scenes, I get an adrenaline rush writing them, so to hear your "envious" really makes my day.

Thanks so much!

TEW


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Review #8, by edward ollivander 

1st July 2010:
hurray for our side! i sure hope it lasts. then it again, it never seems to. i really enjoying reading this. i saw your response to one of my reviews and asked about my stories. I wrote them in the following order.
Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon: This was myfirst HP story. I wrote it before the 6th book, and i wrote it as if it was Harry's 7th year.
Spinners End: i wrote this one as an entry into the one-shot challenge before the sixth book was published having only the chapter name to go by.
My Past, My Future: This is the one-shot sequel to Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon.
And the Greatest of These... :This is the story of Harry's 7th year i started after I read book six. This is the story with the connection I mentioned before between Harry and Ginny. Actually, Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon had a connection between them as well, but they could only feel it when they were touching.
Sunday in the Pub With George: I wrote this one-shot last, and it takes place in the far future when George Weasley is an old man.
i hope this will help you decide which one you want to read.
Happy writing.

Author's Response: Glad you liked this chapter. I can safely say, there is more trouble ahead, tho.

Really intrigued by your use of the link. As soon as I get the time I'm gonna check out your stuff. Thanks!

TEW


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Review #9, by white_eyebrow 

14th March 2010:
Great battle scene.

I'm imagining Ron and Harry springing the trap by kicking down the door, sticking their faces in and going, 'Nyah! nyah! you can't catch us!'

So we are now at the other end of the spectrum: good had triumphed. We can end the story on a positive note...Uh oh, wait a minute...there's more? Darn it!

Author's Response: Good to hear from you!

"Nyah, nyah, you can't catch us!" sums it up perfectly. I wanted this to be pure "Indiana Jones" action, so I'm glad that came through. well, up until the point when I almost killed off that meddlesome Potter kid.

Thanks for the great review.


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Review #10, by Jackson Robles 

1st March 2010:
Hola mi amigo. I hate Spanish.

Only because I was never good at it --- feel I should clarify! But, erm, anyways, onto the review, shall we?

The thing I spent the most time on (Oh, and I'm 100% serious)
Your use of the word 'lightening' to mean 'super fast' (paraphrased) --- see, you got me thinking. Wasn't lightning (like lightning) spelled, well, you know? But then, if that was true, than what did 'lightening' mean? Looked it up in my little dictionary --- it's like 'They used the spell in lightening their load', see? (On a slightly related note, I cannot find the part in this chapter where lightening is spoken of, I really hope it's in here so I don't look like an idiot).


ANYWAYS, that's not super important, but I figured I'd let you know what I do in my spare time. Regardless, what can I say? Only negative was that I felt the battle scene was slightly . . . stuck. And I use that term tentatively, because I wonder (and this is something Alopex pointed out to me) --- Protego's can't block Unforgiveables. And . . . well, wouldn't the Death Eater's want Harry dead? And Ron too? I hardly could imagine they'd be casting Expelliarmus on the boys, you know?

Just a thought. Now, other than that slight issue I've no qualms about loving the chapter, you know? Bit mushy for my taste, but I'm a cynic, so I'll let that slide. Harry getting (pardon the diction) owned into the wall was a good bit of suspense --- the Aurors rising as one was totally incredible and ending the battle with a total exclamation point. (No interrobang here; not a single Death Eater was left standing). It wasn't so much scary as in they'd lose or anything, but I did like the different spells and the action. The ending was interesting --- I found it kind of funny, but I think that's what you were going for. All in all, two thumbs up!

I will say I look forward to seeing where the Hermione from Chapter One comes into play; I had a bit of a spoiler on the forums where I learned that Hermione comes and asks for help. I look forward to reading onto chapter four, and really do hope you aren't annoyed too much by my reviews. (I wonder about that sometimes).

Jackson

Author's Response: Hey Jackson! Thanks for the great review.

You're right on the money with lightening. I'll fix that. Its a recurrent typo of mine and I thought I'd caught all of them.

You're also right about the AK's. I've toyed with including an expanation about how experienced/powerful a wizard needs to be to use that curse in a duel, like Bella or Voldy, but that explanation would be pure plagarism (justanothermuggle came up with it). That is, AK's require a great deal of energy and can be too draining in a fight. I might just ask JAM if he'll let me steal that. Regardless, there has to be a reason they aren't used more in duels in canon, but JKR never really gave us one.

Too mushy? Probably, but I figured the boys had been through the ringer and needed a bit of a release. They're in touch with their "inner witch." LOL.

Glad you liked the chapter. When I can get away with it, I like a few "light hearted" action sequences.

Annoyed? Absolutely not. Constructive criticism is a must and this was a very positive review. Thanks!



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Review #11, by MrsKatieGrint 

27th February 2010:
Absolutly fantastic battle scene! Your action scenes were very smooth and flowed very well with the story! Most action scenes I've read have been choppy and rushed. But yours? No way! It flowed fantastically! Amazing job! :D

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for the great review. This chapter was one of my favorites. I'm an action junky.

Thanks again.


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Review #12, by AvadaKedavra1 

2nd January 2010:
Hey EW!

Sorry, life has been really, obnoxious.

Okay, again, you know what I think about this chapter. I love the maturation of canon folks.

The leap-frogging, is standard military tactics, which you write brilliantly. It goes a little something like this.

"Cover me while I move." Person 1 says.
"I gotcha covered." Person 2.
"Moving!" Person 1 says, and moves while person 2 lays down fire.
"In position." Person 1 says, once they get cover.
"Cover me while I move." Person 2 says.
"I gotcha covered." Person one says, at opens up.
"Moving." Person 2 says as they break cover and retreat.

Sheesh, my and my soliders did this ten at a time all across Baghdad. Your writing brings this maneuver to life. Its perfect.

I especially like the grown up Seamus. And you know how I feel about the Airborne element. I am just sick that you got there first.

I got some time, on to the next.

Author's Response: AK1 is in the house!

Hey bro! I was starting to worry.

For those of you not me or AK1, go read "A Muggle's Wand." You're in for a treat. It's in my favotites.

High praise coming from a military man. Glad I nailed the tactics. My fam has always been Army; dad was 101st and Berets, brother in law went to West Point. Me? I'm the black sheep...Law School. But, I picked up a thing here and there.

Seamus is a great flourish, but, again, credit where credit is due. JAM and SD have done great character development of him in "Death Eater's Quest" and "Right of Justice." It inspired me here.

Again, fair being fair, your alley fight scene in AMW (which was awesome by the way) influenced this scene. So, feel free to steal, improve and generally borrow the aerial combat.

Speaking of which, the chapter I've been taunting you with, the apex of aerial combat for this story, "Siege of Calais," is FINALLY posted. Can't wait for you to read it!

Good to see you again bro and thanks for the amazing review!


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Review #13, by Laugharama_llama 

26th December 2009:
Part three of your review!

Okay, now I'm really confused about the first chapter. Which is a very good thing!

The action scene was wonderful. I felt like I was in it the whole time; it was like I was watching a movie! I got so scared when I thought Harry was dead - whew!

Now to address your areas of concerns: There really isn't much for me to criticize. It's a very fast-paced story that captures the reader's attention. I can't think of much to hack away at. One thing I might suggest is to add a little more background and something less crazy for these first three chapters. I know you can't do that because you're already up to the 12th chapter, but just for the future. Also, I don't know if you've done that for the next chapter, because you only requested the first three (although I am going to come back to read the rest!). However, those can't really be considered criticisms.

So all in all, wonderful job! I definitely give this a 10/10 without hesitation!

Author's Response: Thank you for the great review!

I'm concerned that your confused; but I'm also relieved that that confusion isn't keeping you from wanting to read more. If that's the case, then I think the story is probably working.

Just about all your plot confusion does get addressed in Chapter 6 (and, I suppose, the end of Chapter 5). I do hope you come back for more.

The action sequence here was a great deal of fun...right up until Harry got hurt. I almost killed him off in this scene. He really was a coin-flip away from being written out of the story. It would've been great tragedy, but I decided against it.

Thank you so much for the great reviews and I do hope you come back for more!


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Review #14, by Estelle Black 

22nd December 2009:
Well that was so awesome, very action packed i liked it,.
I don't knopw where to start but right from the beginning I was captured and really into it.
Very nice chapter.
best get onto the next one.
Estelle XOX

Author's Response: Thanks Estelle! The battle of Diagon Alley was a lot of fun to write. I'm glad it pulled you in.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #15, by TheDirigiblePlum 

10th December 2009:
How do you do it?! When I try and write crazy magic action scenes they always come out terribly! And then you manage to calm it all down to have the really happy emotional bit at the end!

Sorry for wishy washy review, but I'm half asleep at the minute! But I really wanted to find out what happened next in your story... :D

10/10

Author's Response: Wishy washy? bollocks! Thanks for the great review!

How do I do it? Alcohol. LOL.

Actually, I really get inspired by music. For this chapter I was listening to soundtracks mostly: Indiana Jones and Galaxy Quest. (Dorky, I know). But it seems to work. If I want action, I listen to adventurous music (Usually clasical or soundtracks) If I need to write somthing depressing I pull out my Alice in Chains and grunge music. If Harry's having a full on brood, I go with new age piano stuff.

Actually, the entire scene on the beach and the morning scene when the quartet wake up at Shell Cottage was inspired by a song called "Lovely Day" by Donovan Frankenreiter.

Heck. I guess I really don't write anything. My muse and the music does all the work.


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Review #16, by 1917farmgirl 

25th November 2009:
Again, still confused, but again willing to go with it because I like this universe SO much better!

I LOVE seeing Harry and Ron working together! They truly are partners, have been since they met on that train, and I love that you let them do this.

And the Death Eaters are gone! YIPPY!!! (Although, since I happen to know this story is quite long, I'm assuming there is still another shoe to drop - are you sure you don't want to just let this be a happy story?)

"But there were two things Ron did masterfully. One was tactical planning. The other was watching Harry’s back. " < AMEN! That is a pretty good summary of Ron, right there.

And this link with Ginny, I have to say, for me that's a new one. Never seen it done before. Wondering if you are going to explain how it happened and such.

Nicely done!

Author's Response: I just loved writing Harry and Ron like this. It was a HUGE amount of fun. It really was. Yep! Bye bye DE's! Other shoe? Well, maybe...

Thanks so much for the praise of Ron. He is my favorite character in fanfic.

As for the link, I can't take credit for that. Other authors have done it far better than I have. Check out MyGinerva and justanothermuggle and siledubhghlase. They really do it right. Because these other authors have already come up with excellent explanations of the link which I could never beat, I've left it an unsolved mystery as to why H/G share this bond. But I always liked it as a flourish.

Thank you so much for the amazing review!

As for the confusion, rest assured all will be answered...


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Review #17, by siledubhghlase 

20th November 2009:
I'll have to have a look-see at AK1's story. This was one helluva battle. I was afraid for a moment we'd lost Harry. I don't think my poor heart could've taken it.

I'm impressed with the "leap frog" maneuver. Brilliant! But that's our Ron, isn't it? Ever the tactician. Hermione's had a bad influence on him, doing all that research on Hannibal and all. That battle got pretty hairy there for a while, but...WOO HOO!!! The good guys won! You know what? "Yaxley" is a name that when pronounced, sounds like a cat hacking up a hairball.

So it's over...at least for now. EXCELLENT!!!

Author's Response: Definitely check out AK1. He's awesome. He's had some trouble because he got hacked, but his stories should be back up soon, I hope.

Ron the Tactician never gets old. Long live "Ron the Great!" Yes, Hermione's definitely been a bad influence, but I still have Ron talking with his mouth full. Just couldn't let that go...

Yaxley - Hairbal. LOL!

I toyed with having Harry die in this battle. He really was a coin flip from being written out of the story. But I decided to give him a reprieve. Remember, no ones safe until the last page is written!

Really glad you like the fight scene and thanks for such an awesome review!


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