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17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by classicblack 

11th December 2011:
Oh my goodness that was brilliant (not brilliant that Slytherins are torturing/poisoning/killing people, of course). That was spectacularly creative. It was a really good addition to the story and now I see what Bellatrix was planning- poision all the muggleborns of the school! Good foreshadowing there; I had actually almost forgotten about that.
So Lily finally knows about the Invisibilty Cloak, hmm? I like how you have their relationship progressing at a nice, steady pace.
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear that you liked the reveal of this subplot. The part with Bellatrix was indeed foreshadowing for this. I have to own up and say that, when I first posted that chapter with Bellatrix, this wasn't what I had planned--but I think this turned out much better and more realistic than what I had. :P

I have a feeling Lily probably suspected very strongly about the Invisibility Cloak before this moment--maybe she even caught a glimpse of it once or twice in past years--but this was the first real confirmation.

Thanks again!


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Review #2, by Noblevyne 

30th June 2011:
Whoa. That was so good. Seeing the Slytherins scheming and being so nasty, even though they're still young - and Snape, cautious and nasty but not quite so cruel yet to kill any one. Very brilliantly done.

The quidditch match was great too - those things are buggers to write but you do it quite well. And Ursula is a believable character that's easy to dislike but not over blown! Hurrah!

'...of yelling from the Exploding Snape game.' I am genuinely unsure if Sirius has invented a new game. Seems like something he'd actually do!

Author's Response: I laughed out loud at that mistake of mine! "Exploding Snape"! I honestly wish I had incorporated that purposely somehow. :D

This is going to sound weird, and also be a bit of a tangent, but one thing I love about writing fan fiction is that I often get to explain to myself how and why certain things happened. A lot of my fascination with writing Snape and Peter comes from the fact that I love being able to craft an explanation of why they did the things that they did, for example. One thing that has always kind of puzzled me is how people who were so young were able to join the Death Eaters and do such cruel things--not that young people can't be prejudiced and evil, but it's not what I necessarily expect. Young people are usually relatively less jaded than adults; they've got more reason to be optimistic, with most of their lives ahead of them; and they're also usually more progressive than the generation before them. I think part of the reason I wrote this chapter was that I wanted to give myself an explanation of the type of person someone like Mulciber, or Avery, or any of the characters in that scene, was as a teenager.

Anyway, like I said, big tangent there--but I'm really glad it came off realistically. While I come up with scenarios that seem plausible to me, I never know if they're going to be that way for other people! :)

Quidditch games are hard to write--not only are they a bit repetitive, I'm also so not into sports! :P I'm glad Ursula is realistic...it's kind of impossible not to dislike her, given her position in the story, but I did want her to be relate-able, at the very least.

Thanks again!


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Review #3, by doglover 

3rd January 2011:
snape so diluted the poison on purpose!

Author's Response: You're a very sharp reader! ;)

Thanks again!


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Review #4, by AlPadfootPotter96 

19th December 2010:
Wow...that's so...wrong. Beautifully written, though.

Author's Response: Yes, definitely a very horrible thing to do. I'm really happy you thought it was well-written, though! :)

Thanks!


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Review #5, by girly1393 

8th September 2010:
Wow, that was intense.

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: "Intense" is what I like to hear...it was certainly meant to come off that way!

Thank you!


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Review #6, by Flower n Prongs 

12th July 2010:
Yikes. This was a very dramatic chapter. I wasn't expecting to hear the Slytherins talk like that. I knew they wanted to be Death Eaters and all, but yikes. I really did feel freaked out by them there, so excellent job on that. The tension between Lily and James has escalated quite nicely, so now I'm just itching for them to get together (well, even more than I was in the first place). Another excellent few chapters. =)

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear the tension was building well, both between Lily and James and when it comes to the elements of the war. :) The Slytherins were pretty nasty in this--or at least a few of them certainly were. I think that all of them within that group (Mulciber, Avery, Rosier, Regulus, Barty Crouch, Snape) would definitely have been prejudiced, but for whatever reason, I feel like Mulciber and Avery would be the worst in that regard. For obvious reasons, I don't think Regulus or Snape would be really violently prejudiced, and I get the impression that Barty was interested in power more than going after Muggle-borns. Rosier...well, I don't know, I just think he would have been more pampered and not really interested in getting his hands dirty in the war. :P So, anyway, there's my impression of this generation of Death Eaters. I really feel like Mulciber and Avery were both pretty disgusting and extremely prejudiced, and I wanted to show that in this chapter.

Well, since you've already read the story, you don't have to wonder how Lily and James get together! :P (This seems like a good moment to apologize again for taking so long to reply to you.)

Thank you for the review!


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Review #7, by _hedwig_ 

23rd April 2010:
oh. my. god. mulciber is a ba--barmy git..heh, heh.

Author's Response: Haha, good save there. I quite agree with the sentiment, though! And I do have to say that it makes me feel rather pleased as an author that I managed to encourage your hatred of him so much with this chapter. :)

Thank you!


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Review #8, by ginnygirl808 

5th December 2009:
yay i loved the chapter. . . . i am glad that you are glad that i favorited this story. . . wait did that make since? haha o well. . . really god chapter it was unexpected . . . keep up the good work i hope lily and james get together soon

Author's Response: Haha, of course that made sense! I always feel so flattered when someone puts my story on their favourites, and I know not everyone on there gets around to reviewing, so I try to thank them at the end of chapters!

I'm glad you liked the chapter, and thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review!


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Review #9, by DramaQueen62442 

3rd December 2009:
I just found your story and I have to say that I have read alot of marauder stories and most are in fact WAY too over the top. Either all about who's "hooking up" with who and ignoring that it was war or everyone in the story dies horrific deaths (all of which are always somehow related to or best friends with either Lily or James).
Your story however is wonderful.

I like that, unlike alot of people, you not only address the lily-snape relationship but seem to truly understand it. I myself went through a preiod of losing a friend and I have to say that the little things you put in was very much like what was going on with me. I think that really shows just how realistic you truly make it.
I also like how you still include peter, not demonizing him or ignoring him completely but acknowleging that he was infact part of the group and was obviously trusted by his friends. I have found so many people who refuse to do this.

Also Remus... I like that you also have made him angry at times and slightly bitter. I mean who wouldn't be really? And I think that we saw that side of him in Deathly Hallows and again most people tend to make him this sweet, ever patient person, ignoring that he too is human. (though I have to say he is one of my favorite characters)

Wonderful chapter. I can't wait for the next.
You've got me officially hooked. :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for an amazing review! I've also read a lot of Marauder stories--many of which I love dearly--but like you, I just found that many of them did not seem very genuine, like the situations and people could happen in real life. So I have tried my best to write it that way, and it really makes me so happy when I hear from readers that I'm doing well at it.

And I feel so flattered to hear that about the Lily/Snape friendship (or lack thereof) from someone who's been in that position. I can't say I've ever been there myself, but I have moved quite a few times, and that inevitably comes with drifting away from people, which maybe gave me just the little, tiniest bit of insight into the situation.

In this odd way, I really like including Peter as a character in the story. He just personifies all the problems and difficulties that the war brought into everyone's lives, and how it tore up families and friends. He did an awful thing, and I just think that if I were to make him into a villain, his betrayal would be less awful--it would become more like standard behaviour. So I'm very happy to hear that you like having him included in the story as well!

I do really like Remus as well, although some people might think that I don't because of a few moments in this story. :P I have a lot of sympathy for him, and I do agree with you that he possesses a lot of anger and bitterness, for completely understandable reasons. Besides, I think that the Remus we saw in the books is not the same as his younger self. At this point (i.e. this story), he's got teenage insecurities on top of his lycanthropy, he hasn't lived through the loss of all of his friends in one fell swoop, nor has he lived through over a decade of poverty, loneliness, and discrimination. That he could grow into the person that Harry met is a testament to the strength of his character, but I imagine that it would have taken time for him to gain that sort of acceptance of his lot in life. (Sorry, I have a tendency to go on and on in review responses...haha.)

Well, I'm glad that you're hooked on the story, and I very much hope that you'll come back and review when the next chapter gets validated! Thanks again for taking a moment to review the story; I really appreciate it!


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Review #10, by Gerduchka 

29th November 2009:
Yay, Lily fancies James! Uh, the Mudblood thing is awful, but it's a war. Well, I'm waiting for an update as always :):)

Gerda

Author's Response: Hi Gerda! Thanks for the review!

Yes, she is finally having those more-than-friends feelings. Which I think is a nice development. :) And you're completely right--they are living in the midst of a war. That's why I like to stick these things in the story, so that part doesn't get forgotten. But the fact that the Slytherins are teenagers and they're talking this way is a bit shudder-worthy, isn't it?

Anyway, the next chapter is awaiting validation, so I hope you'll come back to review again! Thanks again!


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Review #11, by Groundswell 

28th November 2009:
Beautiful chapter. This might just be the one I like the second most (the first being the one with the inferi). There're just so many things in it.

I really like your start. It's a nice way to start this chapter up, telling a little of what has happened. I especially liked the Sirius part and being kicked off as commentary. Though I wished you'd maybe have mentioned something of the poison.

The match. Once again you pull it through with perfection. No comments there, really.

I wish the lion hadn't roared. What would Lily say? :P But that little gesture, the hand on the shoulder, well there's just so much in it. With this, and a whole bunch of other little things, you really create this... well, you know that feeling of someone having a crush on each other? That exciting period before they get together. You really create that till perfection.

Oh, and while I remember it. Please kill of Ursula. She's so annoying. Oh maybe not kill her off, but at least harm her a little more. Please? :P

I liked James' comment, Its very rude to stare,. Somehow that made me laugh. But I understand Lily is surprised and staring.

The whole invisibility cloak was so intense and well written. I was afraid for a second that Lily would reveal herself, but I'm glad she didn't. This was so much better. I have a fear of confrontations with Slytherins, they aren't always well written. Though I don't doubt you'd have done it amazingly if Lily had revealed herself.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter. It was an intense ending, and I really want to see what they say. It's such an important thing to me, and it's... in a way, exciting. They just connect. And Lily is feeling so... I don't even have a word for it. But it's a very emotional part, and I want to see how she handles this, and how James does. We don't know what he's thinking, and I really would like to know what's going on in his head.

More James/ Lily-Time! Please? Haha, I like those small scenes. They're sooo intense.

I find it amazing that you can keep this up. The story that is. Every chapter is so perfect and you amaze me every time with each new chapter. I'm just really impressed. And your story hasn't even seemed boring once even though we're 17 chapters into it.

Oh, and how many chapters do you think there'll be? And have you ever thought of writing more stories? I can't get enough :D haha.

I haven't really much more to say. Fantastic as always. Amazing chapter. Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hey Vicki! Thanks for stopping by to review again. :)

Wow, I'm really glad you liked this chapter so much! I think maybe you're right, it would have been good to slide something about the poisonings in during the Quidditch game, but maybe...everyone was so excited it wasn't on their minds? Haha. But I'm glad you thought the Quidditch match was good. And I laughed out loud when you said "Please kill off Ursula". Hahaha.

What would Lily have said? I'll leave that one up to your imagination. :) But it was obviously something she found embarrassing, so that narrows the field at least a little bit.

And oh, I'm SO unbelievably thrilled at this: "you really create this... well, you know that feeling of someone having a crush on each other?" I try so hard to do that and I never feel like it's working! Thank you so much for saying that, I can't even tell you how good it makes me feel!

I know what you mean about confrontations with Slytherins--often they get a little over-the-top and super-angsty, so I'm really happy you thought this was good. I do hope you like how I wrap it all up in the next chapter...it is definitely a bit intense, but hopefully I've managed to stay true to their characters in what I've written up.

I'm a little amazed that you haven't found any of this story boring! Another one of my reviewers said the same thing and it's such a wonderful compliment.

As for the number of chapters...I'm pretty sure it's going to be between 25 and 30. I think it might extend a little after they're done with school, so maybe closer to 30. But don't quote me on that! :P I think you're the first person who's asked about more stories. Maybe the title gives it away but this is definitely the first of probably four stories...or that's my plan, at least! I have a few other ideas (non-Marauder stuff) that I'd really love to write one day too, but we'll see what happens.

Thank you so much for another incredible review! I really love to hear your thoughts on the chapters. :)


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Review #12, by padfootandprongslover 

28th November 2009:
I just found your story, and I love it! the characters and situations are so believeable, and exactly how I think they should be. Keep writing...your story is wonderful!!

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks so much for the review!

I'm so glad that you found the story, and even more that you love it! It's so nice to hear that you think it's believable, too, because I try very hard to keep the story realistic. :)

I hope you'll come back to read more when a new chapter gets posted! Thanks again!


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Review #13, by technicolor 

27th November 2009:
Hey,

Really enjoyed reading this chapter! I printed it out and it got me through an otherwise boring lunch, so thank you : ). Your description of the Quidditch match was great because you managed to tell it without going through a boring play-by-play, and I like the details you added to the party like that roaring lion.

I especially liked the second part of the chapter, because the dialogue among the Slytherins was very realistic. I'm glad Snape was wise enough to dilute those Potions, bless him : ). If only your Lily wasn't so completely unmoved by him after all those years of being friends : (.

Anyway, another excellent bit of writing! Please update soon!

x Sophie

Author's Response: Hi there! Always glad to hear I kept someone from boredom. :) I'm especially happy that you liked the Quidditch match, because I have a tough time writing those scenes. I've never been one for sports, myself, (lack of coordination) so I don't think that makes it any easier.

Oh, Lily's not completely unmoved by Snape, I don't think. I think it still upsets her that he's chosen to be friends with terrible people, but I think there's this little tiny thought and a hope in the back of her mind that maybe he'll redeem himself. But I do think that after a couple of years of no longer being friends, she's had enough time to accept that this is the way things are, and she doesn't let it upset her as much as it might have in the past. And she's given him opportunities before to change his mind and ditch the other Slytherins, but he always chooses not to. I think Snape thought that he could have it both ways--be a Death Eater and have Lily in his life--and he still does at this point. I think I heard JKR say in some interview that Snape though becoming a Death Eater would impress Lily (or I suppose if you like, you could interpret it as him trying to protect her). Of course it seems completely contradictory to us, but that's what makes him interesting as a character, I think. Anyway, that was a bit ramble-y, but just a bit of insight on my characterization of Snape. :) Oh, but I'm really, really glad you thought the dialogue was realistic. It was a bit tough to write and I'm glad it turned out well!

Hopefully a new chapter will be up in a week or so! Thank you so much for reviewing, Sophie!


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Review #14, by ShilesSmiles 

26th November 2009:
I really like the different emotions that are placed in this chapter. They are so subtly there but strong in a sense too, I love it! I can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and the emotions that were in it. I do kind of try for subtlety at times. It's funny the way that the most subtle mentions of things can actually be stronger than huge over-statements, isn't it? Plus, I always find that I enjoy stories that make me think a little bit, and I strive to do that in my own writing! :) It's so nice to hear a compliment on that particular subject.

Thank you so much for taking a moment to review; I really appreciate it! Hopefully the next chapter will be up in a week or so!


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Review #15, by Harry and Ginny 

26th November 2009:
things are getting much darker at Hogwarts than we thought. i can't wait to see James and Lily getting together but until then, i'll just have to read, won't i? will u update soon please?^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Yes, things are taking a more sinister turn...and more details are to come! I think, though, that the whole thing with the Slytherins is something that's always been under the surface (like what happened to Mary, for example), it's just become more noticeable at this particular moment. But anyway, like I said, more explanation happens in the next chapter!

And I'm not sure if I'm too eager for them to get together...only because I've waited so long I feel so much pressure to get it right! Haha. But don't worry, I won't let that put me off doing it.

I will update as soon as the queue allows me! :) Thanks so much for another review!


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Review #16, by Leigh Kelley 

26th November 2009:
-sigh-
Is it even possible for you to plug out something that doesn't make me smile, doesn't make my heart thud slightly, or raise my brows in disbelief or understanding? I don't know what to say to you anymore. Your writing is so incredibly brilliant, and you're starting to make me completely love the long chapters. Because if you wrote anything shorter, I'd probably end up getting sad quicker. If only there was another chapter. -sighs some more-

Anyway! I loved this chapter. I see that Ursula still hasn't let her grudge die. A lesser captain would have already yelled at her, but I guess he either feels some guilt over why she's this way, or he realises that if he does say something rude or against it, it won't benefit the team. Either way, I think he's doing the right thing, as I feel she'd only get angrier. The bludger to the arm was almost completely justified, and maybe it'll let her snap out of her funk. It's definitely hurting the team.

I like the scene afterward, in the common room. James is still completely awkward, considering his jumping into the armchair and joining the chant. I just love that he doesn't know how to not be an idiot around her. Her approaching him already shows a different Lily, and that she can sit through his friends' taunts, is actually saying a lot about her growing feelings.

Speaking of her growing feelings. I'm glad that she recognises that she has feelings for James. I'm not glad that she denied fancying him when he asked. Give the boy some hope, why don't you Lily? Haha, but I understand why she needed to deny it. It would have all been too soon.

So she got to use his invisibility cloak. Haha. I bet he'll wear it with him to bed just because it has her scent on it... xD Just kidding. But, I'm sure he's happy that he got to experience being under it with her, despite the circumstances. Those Slytherins are really up to no good. Snape still has some redeeming qualities here. I can only imagine the consequences if he hadn't diluted it. Those guys are just plain evil. To talk about hurting and killing people so easily.

I think you characterized everyone here. We see Lily's growing feelings coming forth, even if only she is the only one who knows about them. Your minor characters were portrayed well also, even in that short scene. The Slytherins acted and talked just like I would have expected them to.

As always, your descriptions were good, everything flows well, and your chapter moved at a nice pace.

Sorry this review is all over the place, and sorry that I didn't give you anything helpful. I'm just too fan-girly over your story right now to give proper feedback...so yeah. I'll go now.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: Leigh, you are so unbelievably wonderful! When the chapter went up I was going to go request a review and then your queue was full, so I was hoping you'd be nice enough to just review anyway. :)

I'm so glad you loved the chapter! And I'm really pleased that you thought James was being a good captain, dealing with things the way he did, because I thought he was too. Everyone else on the team was so worked up that it only would have made it ten times worse if he'd started in on Ursula as well. He's a good leader, I think. And I think the Bludger might have the effect you described.

Oh, James is completely awkward, isn't he? Spastic, really. I kind of think it's hilarious, and doesn't it fit well with the way he acted in OotP? You made me laugh when you said, "I just love that he doesn't know how to not be an idiot around her." It's so true! I think it's really a mark of how much he likes her, just like the things Lily does in this chapter show her feelings, like you said. And she does realize them here, as you also said, but yes, too soon for her to admit it when he asks. I think anyone would be taken aback in that situation!

Yes, the Invisibility Cloak...I thought it was time for it to make an appearance. I think it helps to show that Lily is slowly gravitating towards this middle point where she appreciates the qualities in James that she once disliked. Because isn't that what love is--accepting someone's faults? Anyway, I'm getting a bit philosophic there and I don't want to suggest that she's in love with him already, but it's a starting point.

Slytherins are tough to write, so I'm really happy you thought I did okay at it. They're really kind of awful in this chapter so it was hard to write the lines without going over-the-top. And I am so, so glad that you picked up on the dilution thing, because I was hoping someone would. :)

You're seriously the nicest, saying all those things about my writing! I'm so incredibly flattered. I'll post a new chapter ASAP so you won't have to sigh in sadness for much longer. :P Thank you so, so much for reviewing, as always!!


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Review #17, by rainbowsocks 

26th November 2009:
oh em gee.
they wont..they wont do anything to mary will they ?
and JAMES IS SO CUTE AND SWEET ♥
update soon
xoxo ~

Author's Response: Hey rainbowsocks! Thanks a lot for stopping by to read and review!

I'm glad you liked James in this chapter. And you will have to continue reading to find out about what happens to Mary...I think you might be surprised by what happens to her in the future!

I will update as soon as humanly possible. Thanks again for the review! I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. :)


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