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22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by jasmine 

26th June 2015:
three words... I LOVE IT

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Review #2, by Noturavggurl 

25th October 2012:
This chapter is not out of place, it's a good chapter. You
write very well.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I really appreciate the encouragement and the compliment! :)

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Review #3, by classicblack 

10th December 2011:
So I think this chapter shows great insight into the Marauder friendship. I actually really liked it and the Inferi addition was a nice touch, because it made the war against Voldemort even more real. Well done!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Phew! So glad to hear you liked this chapter, and thought it added to the story in a good way. You'd think that, after all this time, I'd feel more comfortable with it...but nope. :P

Thanks again!


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Review #4, by CCPaulette 

10th September 2011:
It's not preposterous! Hahaha I really liked it, and I think you described the reaction of untransforming from a werewolf really well.

Author's Response: Phew, thanks for leaving a review on this chapter! As I said in the author's note, I always appreciate it...even more so when it's positive feedback! :)

I'm so glad you liked the chapter and found it to be realistic. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story if/when you read it! :)

Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #5, by Noblevyne 

30th June 2011:
So creepy - a whole village of Inferi! That is so shudder-inducing. I don't think it's too far fetched - I imagine there are a ton of little villages that could go unnoticed and are ripe for the picking of evil-doers.

This is their first real taste of the horror to come and I thought it was brilliantly portrayed - it needs to be noted that they are only very young and while talented, certainly not trained and brilliant at everything. James' thoughts and reactions were very well done.

And I forgot to mention in the last review - I liked seeing Remus and Peter go off and do stuff independently of Sirius and James. Those two are the ringleaders, and James is the boss of them all, but Remus and Peter aren't just puppets and it's nice to see that here.

Author's Response: This chapter is another one that always makes me cringe when I think back to it. I don't know why, because I actually quite like it in and of itself, but I always feel like maybe it wasn't right for this story. Anyway, clearly, I don't think that enough to take it out, and the main reason I haven't is because I get reviews like yours that are encouraging about it. :)

I figure it can't be completely unreasonable for there to be so many Inferi concentrated in one place--after all, Voldemort supposedly had an army of them in the First War, and there were so many in the cave in HBP. I'm glad you agree!

One thing that I disagree with in canon is JKR's portrayal of Peter. It's very much at odds with other things we know about him--that he was in Gryffindor, for example, or that he managed to become an Animagi, or that he was part of the Order, or that he managed to fool his three closest friends for an entire year. Just the fact that he was one of the "Marauders" indicates to me that he must have been more than just the pathetic, sycophantic fool that he's portrayed as in Snape's memory in OotP. Anyway, that's a bit of a roundabout way of saying that I totally agree that it's not right to see him or Remus as James and Sirius' puppets. :)

Thank you again!


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Review #6, by doglover 

31st December 2010:
i don't think it ruined the realism.

Author's Response: That's awesome to hear! I always worry that this chapter will throw people off or just seem ridiculous, so it's a relief every time someone reviews it and tells me they didn't mind it.

Thanks again!


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Review #7, by CaSurferGrl 

26th September 2010:
I like how in your authors note you are so concerned with realism because your story is very realistic. It isn't filled with cliches and it truly is entirely possible. I love how you made everybody down to earth and not the annoying oh the marauders are the greatest, sexiest people ever and then completely ignore peter. Now that's a factor that I respect: you don't just not include Peter because he turned. I think this is a great story :)

Author's Response: Hi, CaSurferGrl! First, let me say I am SO sorry for leaving your review unanswered for nearly a month. School seems to leave me no time to do anything else these days!

I definitely stress about realism in everything I write. Being realistic is probably the most important thing to me as a writer (and sometimes makes me do some not-so-nice things to the characters I write about). So, whenever I hear that someone finds my writing realistic, I'm thrilled! Thank you so much! :)

I have a real love-hate relationship going on with Peter--I love him as an author and hate him as a reader. He's probably my least favourite character in the books (I think he might even outweigh Voldemort!), but his betrayal is so vital to the story, and his character is so complex and compelling. I personally think that JKR didn't do him justice, because there is so much more hinted at than a simpering coward. He was Sorted into Gryffindor; he was best friends with James, Sirius, and Remus; he was part of the Order; he managed to spy on the Order undetected for at least a year; he was trustworthy enough to be made Secret Keeper; he was clever enough to keep himself from going to Azkaban. And all this in contrast with the definitive act of his life: betraying his friends to their deaths. That's a pretty interesting character, if you ask me. How can one person possess all these traits?

From a more practical standpoint, if you're carrying on a James/Lily story beyond Hogwarts, which I'm trying to do, it doesn't make a lot of sense to exclude Peter. If you do, he just comes out of left-field later on when they make him Secret Keeper.

Anyway, now that I've rambled about that enough...I'm so glad to hear you liked the story, and thank you so much for the review!


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Review #8, by girly1393 

8th September 2010:
I didn't really find it to fit in with the story the way you've written it.

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: I think that's what I was concerned about with this chapter--I do like the chapter as a stand-alone, but I don't think it really fit the chapters preceding. Actually, I think the thing is that it was around these chapters that I feel like my writing and ideas matured just slightly, and I really got into the groove I wanted to be in...so I think this is jarring with what comes before it, and maybe (hopefully) less so with what comes after.

Anyway, I appreciate your feedback. Thanks again!


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Review #9, by happy_person 

2nd July 2010:
oh, poor remus :( at least he's got the marauders on his side. good chapter

Author's Response: I think Remus had a very sad life...but you're right, it is nice to think of his happier days, with his friends by his side.

Thanks again!


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Review #10, by Isannah 

15th June 2010:
This is wonderful! An excerpt of the excitement that Harry and his friends would have later on. I love it! And the romance b/w Remus and Mary...that's so sweet!

Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you liked this chapter. I still feel so iffy about whether this chapter was right to include in the story--but most people have responded to it at least somewhat positively, so I should probably just stop worrying so much. :)

I'm glad to hear you're still enjoying the Remus/Mary storyline! Thank you for another review!


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Review #11, by _hedwig_ 

23rd April 2010:
You may have toed the line of realism but it did make for good reading.
Great story!

Author's Response: Yep, I definitely felt myself encroaching on that line...but hey, if it was good reading, I suppose you can't fault me too much! (...right? haha) And I suppose the Marauders would at least be proud of me for toeing some kind of figurative line. :P

Thanks!


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Review #12, by CaribouProngs 

18th April 2010:
Wow! This totally came out of the blue... But in retrospect, I think it fit very well with the story. I was so creeped out the entire time in that village; I totally know what James was going through not being able to sleep! Poor Remus... Don't we all just wish he were real so we could give him a big, warm hug? On another note, wouldn't everyone have been warmer if they'd stayed in their animal forms all night? Although I guess then they wouldn't have been able to conjur fire if they HAD gotten cold... Oh well, exciting and well done! And if you'll tell me how to get to your MTA page (or better yet, what an MTA page is), I'd be delighted to hear more about this story!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you didn't think this chapter was really weird. :) It still makes me feel a little uneasy, because I just don't know if it fits well with the story.

It's great to hear that you found it creepy and exciting, because that was definitely was I was aiming for. :) And you know, that's a good point about them being in their animal forms...hmm. I'll think more about that and I may end up editing this chapter! Thanks for suggesting that.

So, MTA page...it's short for Meet the Author Page (I should probably say that in the chapter). You can find it over on the forums in one of two ways. You can click on the link that says "forums" on the right there and go to the Meet the Author section, then the masterlist, and then find my name on there. OR you can click the link on my name on any one of these chapters, and that will show you my author page. Just above where this story is listed, there's a line that says. "Click here to meet pennyardelle and ask about aspects of their writing." If you click on the link there it'll take you directly to my page. I think you may have to get an account to post there (although I think you can guest post, too; you just have to wait for one of the moderators to make it visible). I'd love for you to make a visit, but you can always feel free to ask me questions in reviews if that's more convenient. :)

Thanks for another review!


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Review #13, by allie_0608 

12th April 2010:
I loved this! I was always hoping to see some Inferi in the Harry Potter books but they were only mentioned. It would have blown had Voldemort somehow turned the Potters into Inferi once he regained power.. that's kinda trippy to think about.
Maybe you could use it in a new story or something..? Anyway, I'm off to the next chapter. And btw, I'm totally digging this plot [:
-Allie

Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you loved it! I was really terrified to post this initially because I thought it would be bizarre, but most people have seemed to enjoy it so far. :)

You're right, it would have been interesting if there had been more Inferi than just in that cave scene. I mean, we know there were "sightings" (okay, it was really Mundungus Fletcher, I guess), but it would have been crazy if Harry had run into a group of them at some point in his travels. I guess with the whole lake scene, maybe JKR felt like she had sort of done the Inferi scene already.

Oooh, I've contemplated the EXACT same thing before! How weird would that be if you were fighting an Inferius and it was someone you knew, but you didn't realize it? Or if you DID realize it? I was thinking about somehow very subtly working that into this story at some point later on, so good thought there. ;)

Glad you like the plot, and, of course, thank you very, very much for the review, Allie!


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Review #14, by RocketBabyDoll9 

18th January 2010:
Hey, penny! Not logged in at the moment, but since you know me by name, I figured it didn't really matter.

I finally found more time to review. Go me! I've actually opened a review thread, which has kept me busy for the better part of an hour. Depending on how those requests go, I'll try to get to more of this tonight.


Oh, man! Inferi! I never would have thought that would happen, but it's definitely plausible! This story can't be all fluff, so I appreciate the darker aspects of it. So many marauder authors seem to forget that they were in the middle of a war!

I liked that this was all James' POV. Not that we need a break from Lily, but what James & Co. were going through is obviously more important at the moment.

To address your question though: no this does not take away from the reality of your story. It adds to it. I appreciate you for making Lily and James' relationship so real, and not rushed. It's much how I've written the romance in my own story: gradual. That being said, I also appreciate, as I've said before, the darker parts of Marauders era that you've pulled off so well.

All in all, a really fab chapter! I'm so sorry it couldn't be longer, but I don't have any critique for you! But do I ever? :P

10/10!

Cheers,
Rocket.

Author's Response: Hey Sara! Oh, of course you don't need to worry about not being signed in. (Funnily enough, I got signed out in the course of responding.) And that's awesome you started a review thread! I'm actually thinking of doing that myself, but probably not until May when I'm free from school for a while. Really, though, that's excellent. Reviewing is such an important part of the writing process around here, and I admire everyone who offers their time to review the stories people throw at them! It's such a wonderful thing to be able to ask people for feedback, and I've definitely taken advantage of it myself in the past. I'm sure you will be making lots of writers very happy!

Aaah, I'm so happy you think it's a plausible addition to the story. :D I can't even explain how much I waffled back and forth about this one, thinking, "Oh, I'll just post it...if people hate it, I can rewrite it...but then, I should really stand by things I write, and not just change them because people say so...and really, maybe I should just write something completely different." I gave myself this complex, and then it turned out that people actually liked it! :)

The scene turned out to be too long to fit in any of Lily's POV in this chapter, and there wasn't really anything I was willing to eliminate to make space. Plus, I do think it would have detracted from the impact of the Inferi scene to have anything else placed alongside it. Anyway, this chapter is a bit of an anomaly in that sense. :)

I do love the gradual romances, or at least really well-done whirlwind ones. In the case of Lily and James, I do think it would have taken a while for them to start going out. After all, Sirius said that "they started dating a bit", which is a far cry from "they went out for their entire seventh year," or even "they started dating." Or at least it seems so to me. I always wanted to write it slowly, and give them some solid ground to build the deep love that they later had. (Sorry, I get really corny at times. Haha.)

Oh, I'm sure you will have some critique for me at some point, and please do share it when you do. I really and truly see this as a learning experience, so any suggestions or critique are welcome. I know more than anyone that the story is far from perfect. :)

Thanks again for reviewing so faithfully! I really do appreciate it so, so much.


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Review #15, by AlfonsoandWOL 

26th November 2009:
this chapter was great. (no surprise there- the whole story is brilliant!)
i liked the inferi thing! at first i doubted it a little bit (it's pretty intense) but you executed it so well and it is the beginning of the war and, after all, this is dear old voldy we're dealing with...
:)
i'm hanging on to every word! keep going!

Author's Response: I'm always so happy to receive positive reviews for this chapter, because I think, like you, I definitely doubted it a little...okay, A LOT. :P It is pretty intense, definitely much more so than other chapters. But I'm so glad you thought that I executed it well! It means a lot to hear that.

I'm thrilled that you think the story is brilliant! I'm hoping chapter seventeen will be up today or tomorrow, so come back and let me know what you think! And, of course, thank you so much for taking the time to review!


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Review #16, by Groundswell 

18th November 2009:
I just want to drop a short review here, telling you have nothing to be uncertain about in this chapter. It's my absolutely favourite so far.

As said previously, I think, this is where many goes wrong, with trouble at full moon. But not you. There's no Lily in the area and no other people about to get hurt, no, instead it's Remus and the other Marauders that are in trouble.

I think the whole inferi part was so scary and... well, I'm sitting in a warm living room, and I was scared to dead. That part was just so bloody intense and nervewrecking. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I've always been scared of the thought of inferi, and you really did those in HBP justice. Truth be told, I was more scared of yours :P

Will there be more about these inferi? A whole village of them is a lot, I was just wondering if they were going to do something abuot it.

I think it was nice to just see Peter and James talking. I loved that scene because I think that's how things would go by if it came to this. Sitting at a fire, Sirius sleeping, but not James and Peter. The anxiety. Well done.

And when Remus woke up. Just, wow. Of course he does not want his friends to see him in that weak state. This is where his character really comes to life and it's all just so... well, real in a way. Filled with emotions and friendship. And I understand it's hard to be grateful when you don't want to seem weak. Poor, poor Remus. And nice detail with the throwing up part.

Fantastic, fantastic chapter. I can't even tell you in words how much I enjoyed reading this one. I'm just... wow.

Author's Response: Every time I get a positive review for this chapter, it just fills me with so much relief and happiness. So really, thank you so, so much for this review!

And I'm unbelievably pleased that you thought it was really scary. Not that I'm glad I scared you to death, of course! But I'm always uncertain of my writing in these horror/action scenarios and hearing that I wrote it well and put you on the edge of your seat is a major confidence-booster.

I think they're a bit stuck about telling anyone about the Inferi at this point, because it would raise so many questions about why they were out there during the full moon. Even if Remus were to tell someone, they would wonder why he'd been running around loose. It will come up again, but not until they're in the Order.

And the reason why I went for it and posted this chapter was because of Remus and Peter. It shows Peter as a good friend, which I really think he was during their time at Hogwarts. And as for Remus in this, I thought it was so important to communicating what I see as his insecurities that I couldn't help but put the chapter up. Even if people had hated it, I think I would have left it because I really stand by how I've portrayed him. But you don't hate it, which is just wonderful. You get what I'm trying to say, and I love it when that happens!

Thank you again for reviewing, Groundswell. You're the best!


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Review #17, by Leigh Kelley 

31st October 2009:
What a scary thing to happen on their first time? It is their first time being with Remus in that forest right? I bet if Peter was with them he would have fallen over dead from shock, but then there wouldn't have been anyone to betray James later on =P.

I love the fact that you included Inferi. I was so sure that they would have attacked them, but I guess that wasn't their purpose. Hm. It definitely is possible for that village of 'living dead' to be there given the times. But why was Remus so affected?

When I was reading the inferi scene, it was like watching a movie, and it gave me the shivers. I was so scared for them at that point. Your descriptions made the scene so vivid for me.

I think Remus's reaction was on point. He seems to be feeling a bit worthless, and I guess somewhat vulnerable because his friends had to see him that way. Everyone else is in good condition, and there he is throwing up and being weak. It's sort of a guy thing. Despite them being friends and all, the situation is a bit embarrassing. But hey, I could be reading it wrong.

I liked this somewhat action-ey chapter. On to the last one.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: Yep, I intended it to be the first time they had been there with Remus. I think Peter definitely would have turned tail and ran, but perhaps your idea would make for a happier ending...haha.

I'm so happy you liked this chapter! And as for them not attacking, I probably should have been more clear but there didn't seem to be a way to incorporate it...maybe I'll bring it back at a future point. Anyway, I kind of figured that the Inferi would be there to go after any humans that might be wandering around, but since they were all animals, the Inferi were confused. Kind of like the Dementors with Sirius. Does that seem logical? And as for Remus being so affected, I kind of thought that ingesting Inferi would be a little bit like poison, and then besides that he did get strangled a bit...anyway, I feel a little shifty about that bit being over-exaggerated, so your question is definitely a reasonable one!

Wow, I can't believe my descriptions were that good! I always have trouble with that, so I'm really really happy that they made the scene scary and suspenseful.

And I think you're reading Remus' reaction exactly right, or exactly how I intended it, at least. I don't think he likes his friends seeing him weak or vulnerable.

Thank you again!


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Review #18, by Jimmette 

24th October 2009:
Well, if you had given me a brief outline of this chapter before I read it, I probably would have had my doubts about it.
But you sold me!
I think this is the first Marauder fic that I have read that has Inferi in it and honestly, a less skilled writer would've made it too far-fetched, but I dunno it just kinda worked for this chapter.
I like that you didn't portray it as an all-out zombie-like attack and James' thoughts/anxiety after the encounter felt very real.

I really like your portrayal of Peter by the way. It's very much how I imagined him.
You humanise him and show him as being an actual part of the Marauders, whilst showing glimpses of his rat-like tendancies.
Many fics just describe his role in the group as something akin to a punching bag or a groupie and it frustrates me a little.
Because yeah, he turned out to be a good-for-nothing traitor but they must have trusted him for a reason, they can't have suspected him of being a spineless bastard all along. He had a strong bond with them.
So I liked it when Sirius described him running as having "done the smart thing" and having confidence that he is fine, and when James smiles at him conjuring a blanket for Remus.

Oh and speaking of Remus, interesting ending.
You've added a rarely detected dimension to his character, which I was impressed by.
He is so often thought of as the balanced, sensitive, studious, responsible Lupin that it's easy to forget that he is probably very insecure.
Even the most mature of 17 year old boys wouldn't want company in that situation (the morning after the transformation.)
So I think that making Lupin brush off his friends and quickly leave was very astute of you.

All in all, great chapter, I really admire your insight and originality
:)

Author's Response: (Picture me breathing a huge sigh of relief.) Thank goodness! Yes, the concept of this chapter sounds ridiculous, which is why I was so scared of posting it. But on the other hand, there were some real gems in it, especially with Peter and Remus, that I just couldn't bear to part with! I'm so happy I "sold you" on it!

I really think Peter is one of the most fascinating characters in this entire story, and I never really get why people omit him or shunt him off to the side. (Okay, I do get it--and I do hate Peter, for the record, but I the hate I have is for what he did LATER, not in this story.) James and Sirius would not continue to hang around with someone who they thought was annoying, even if it gave them a bit of an ego boost or someone to order around. And for goodness' sake (I'm jumping a bit ahead here), as IF James, Lily, and Sirius would decide that Peter should be Secret-Keeper if they never really liked him. I think Peter would have had a lot of traits that they found really likable and useful, and I feel like ignoring him is one step short of making the story AU.

I have a feeling that not everyone likes what I'm doing with Remus in this story, because it doesn't really jive with the way he is as an adult in the books, or in most fan fictions. But you're completely right: even the most mature of 17 year old boys get embarrassed or upset and make mistakes. And I think Remus made a lot of them on his way to becoming the adult that Harry meets. Besides that, he cares very intensely about what other people think of him, and I don't think he would have ever wanted his friends to see him like that. I'm so happy that you think the way he acted made sense, because it completely makes sense to me!

Thank you so much for the wonderfully long review. Once again we're on the exact same wavelength!


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Review #19, by rainbowsocks 

22nd October 2009:
Hmmm, see this is what i mean ?
remus isn't being..remusish. idk he's just not.
Lol but all in all, its very nice. i like your style of writing and can't wait for another chapter to be validated.
update soon
xoxo ~

Author's Response: Again, I appreciate your honest opinion. It makes me a better writer!

So Remus--well, I know the popular portrayal of him is the sensitive, quiet, bookish type, and while I DO think he has all those traits in varying degrees, I also take to heart the fact that JKR has said that his major weakness is a desire for people to like him. It completely makes sense to me--of course, as a werewolf, he'd be constantly worried about people judging and rejecting him. So in this situation (the one in this chapter), I don't think it's unreasonable to think that he would be really, awfully embarrassed. And the truth is, Remus has enough of his own problems, which makes me think that he'd hardly be going around asking people to spill their guts to him. So is he sensitive and quiet and studious? Yes. But he's also a lot of other things, in my mind. I suppose many of the qualities I see him having aren't exactly the most complimentary, but I give him a bit of a free pass because he really does have some sucky problems to deal with.

Anyway, that's my attempt at an explanation! I guess that's the beauty of fan fiction: people can take a character and put a completely different spin on him or her than everyone else! And if you want me to get super-detailed about all my characterizations, you can always swing by my MTA page and I will discuss it at LENGTH with you. :)

I hope you keep reviewing honestly and telling me what you think of the story. Maybe at some point our views of certain characters will click together perfectly! It really makes me happy to know that even though you don't completely agree with some of the story, you still enjoy it and intend to keep reading.

Thank you so so much for the two reviews, and keep your eyes peeled for a chapter sometime early next week!


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Review #20, by ShilesSmiles 

22nd October 2009:
This is really good. Inferi! I would never have thought of it, and I don't think any other stories I have read during this era have either. It fits perfectly. Great job. I'm officially sucked in but I have been for quite a while. I'm very excited for more.

Author's Response: Yay! Like I said, points for originality, right? I can't even tell you how beyond worried I would be that people would HATE this chapter. But so far I've been pleasantly surprised!

I'm glad you're sucked in (hopefully that doesn't sound super-creepy), and keep an eye out for another chapter within the next week or so!

Thank you so much for reviewing! I love hearing people's thoughts on the story.


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Review #21, by Harry and Ginny 

22nd October 2009:
i'll say it again, this chapter was awesome as usual. i liked how u describbed the marauders on a full moon, plus them finding the Inferi village. by the way, u wrote "an Inferius" when it should be "an Inferi". will u update soon please?^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Getting the "Inferius" vs. "Inferi" thing right was one of the hardest parts of this chapter! According to the Lexicon, the plural is "Inferi" and singular is "Inferius", and having looked over the chapter again, I'm pretty sure I did them all the right way (although someone correct me if I'm wrong)...but believe me, I totally understand the confusion, and I really appreciate your attention to detail with that sort of thing!

I'm so glad that this chapter is not being met with a big "Huh?", or at least it doesn't seem so (although perhaps I shouldn't base that judgment on just two reviews so far). It's a big sigh of relief for me!

I think I'll probably post the next chapter sometime over the weekend...I have to start spacing them out a bit because I'm running out of pre-written ones! Eek!

Thanks again for your review, Harry and Ginny--you're awesome!


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Review #22, by Lillover 

22nd October 2009:
Just paying back the wonderful review you gave my story the other day, I really loved it.
And to tell you what a GREAT story you have, talk about great writing.
Just to let you know Iam wexpecting you again on the review board. The story is getting good

Author's Response: That's so nice that you came to review my story, Lillover, and even nicer that you gave me such a wonderful compliment on my writing. :) I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you keep reading along!

And speaking of reading along, I see that you have a new chapter in your own story, which I'll review soon--I'm having a bit of a crazy week here, but the chapter summary looks really interesting!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for reviewing!


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