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17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by starryskies55 

15th July 2013:
Guess who's back back back, back again again again... that's right, it's time for another round of Jenny the hopelessly reliable reviewer who reviews stories from absolutely years ago (and it's like a year since I last reviewed, I remember I was living at home then, christ).

Okay. Onto the actual reviewing (by the way I skimread the earlier chapters and my earlier reviews so I mostly know what's going on, but please forgive me for any discrepancies). Right, well, you had me cackling like a mad thing about two paragraphs in at Sirius' commentary of the match. The match was really well written, this story in fact has inspired me to write a Marauders but it's a Quidditch centric one (and an AU but shush) SO it was super awesome to see how you did the Quidditch match. The Slytherin's tactic were sneaky. Damn those snakes! I was also very relieved when your little Seeker won the snitch, finally, and your Beater's right hook? GO GIRLFRIEND. I especially enjoyed McGonagall shouting at Sirius- I sincerely hope she doesn't ban him from commentating a match again.

Gotta say, love Ursula's tactics. Get James while he's tired or eating- he can't escape then. I use similar ones myself. Next thing you know, she'll have broken into his dorm. However, pleeease don't let Ursula manage to go on a date or something with James because he's not paying attention, I don't think my heart could cope with the feels. The rest of the Marauders were helpful as always, regarding girls- although it was a brilliant ending to that bit, Peter's line 'She's not Lily Evans' would have earned him at the very least a scathing remark from me if I had been there.

Oh I forgot Remus earlier. WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM, WHEN HE'S ALREADY FEELING SO BAD ABOUT HIMSELF?! I'm glad for him that he's wormed his way back into Mary's good books, and I feel bad for Mary because he's gonna break his heart again, even if she doesn't know it yet. Especially if she doesn't suspect it. (and that bit at the end with Mary and Lily- I shall come to that later).
And slightly linked to Remus- the werewolf register thing- well that ain't good. That kinda needs to be stopped. However, oh my god, the fact about the bill going into its second reading- its that kind of detail that most writer (published or not) just wouldn't think about including! Gah woman. It makes the whole story seem so much more well thought out and developed.
Of course, that can be said for the rest of the newspaper articles. Such a great way of reminding us (especially wayward readers like myself) about the horrible things that are going on in the wizarding world at the moment.

Lily's point of view, as always is so different to James that is almost magic. How can you write the same story in such different ways? The careers thing sounds interesting, I look forward to reading that. Lily is being annoying again, I gotta say, but that is mostly because I'm tired of her pigheadedness. KISS JAMES ALREADY, DAMMIT.
Okay. And Professor Dearborn. While I was skim reading, I reread my theory about his ultimate bad-man status, and this nice exchange where Lily is persuaded of his goodness- NOT BUYING IT, MATE. a) I don't think you would have brought up his shiftiness to just drop it again, and b) that could totally be his regret talking because he's spineless or c) he could just actually like Lily and wish her well, despite his general evilness. Or he's trying to throw her off the scent. Basically, what I have learned from this is I am very suspicious. "hang onto that courage" - not reassuring, that's menacing. (if it turns out I'm wrong about Dearborn, then I'm totally going to protest he still is evil and that he has a background not even you knew about ;) )

And then back to Remus and Mary. This review is mostly in order, I'm so proud of myself. Eek. Again, I'm in two minds about this, and I think that there is going to be a lot more heartbreak before this story is over. However, I'm a little happy that Mary is taking her own stand about Remus, and not caving to Lily, who quite frankly, should keep her nose out. I know she has good intentions... but Mary is a big girl and can make her own descisions, kay Lils?

Okay, so overall, this was a fantastic chapter, a wonderful read, brilliantly written, with amazing description, flawed characters (which is why they're so damn perfect) and I cannot wait to go onto the next chapter. I promise it won't be another year before I do!
Until next time! - Jenny.

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Review #2, by classicblack 

10th December 2011:
I think that Remus's character is a bit unrealistic. Although he does keep pushing Mary away, I think that he wouldn't encourage it in the first place. I don't know, something seems off, especially with what we know about him and Tonks.
I like how you included the excerpts from the Daily Prophet articles in this chapter. It makes the war seem all the more real.
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Interesting feedback. :) I guess I kind of alluded to this in my last response--I wonder, if I were writing this story now as opposed to a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have taken his character in a different direction.

Anyway, I will offer an explanation of how I saw Remus when I was writing this, in case it helps to make sense of him. The contradiction in the fact that he pushes Mary away and yet encourages her affections was deliberate (though maybe I took it too far to be believable?). Like I said, I always think of Remus as someone who enjoys being liked, since that was what JKR once said about him. So I think there's a very big part of him which would enjoy Mary's attention, and probably even long for there to be a real relationship there. But when he's confronted with the possibility of a real relationship, and all that it entails vis-a-vis his lycanthropy, he backs away--and not because HE doesn't want it, but because he's afraid of being rejected.

I actually think there must have been something of this push-and-pull going on with Tonks, as well. When people fall in love with someone, it's not usually one-sided; it's encouraged in some form by the other person, even in subtle ways like spending time together. The level of Tonks' attachment to Remus, and his reaction to her at the end of HBP, seems to say to me that she had some reason to think he would return her feelings. Also, we even see him doing a bit of that drawing close and then pulling away in the books--he marries Tonks, and then he's at the point of running off to hunt Horcruxes with Harry because he's frightened of what will happen when he has a child with her.

Anyway, those are the reasons I chose to make him act all hot and cold with Mary. (And don't worry, I'm not at all offended to hear you express your opinion that he's slightly unrealistic--I just find characterization to be a really interesting subject, so I like to take the opportunity to discuss it whenever I can!)

Thanks for the compliment on the Prophet articles; they were fun pieces to write! :)

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #3, by Noblevyne 

30th June 2011:
I actually laughed out loud when James was musing on their nicknames - especially at S.O.B. The dialogue was just so witty in this as well - 'yees of little faith'. That's the Sirius I love.

I also love how you're writing Dearborn - you've taken little more than a name and turned him into a very complex and important character. I think I love him a little bit.

And James taking advice from Remus is an amusing idea. Poor, self-sacrificing Remus. It's a shame spiral he never really gets off.

Author's Response: I consider it a major accomplishment whenever someone says I've made them laugh out loud--I am not a very funny person in either my writing or in real life, so it's a small personal victory every time. I had forgotten about that "yees of little faith thing", but reading it made me laugh a bit, too.

I find that one thing that's hard when people write about Lily and the Marauders in the Order (not that they are at this point, but I always planned to write about them in it) is that there are so many names and faces associated with the Order that it's hard to get attached to them, especially because so many of them die. I'm glad I had the chance to take at least one of them and flesh them out a little!

Haha, somehow, I think life might have been a little easier if James taken his cues from Remus at certain times. James has his own charms, but I think they tend to cause him problems more often than solve them! :D

Thank you again! I've barely made a dent in replying to all of these incredible reviews, and I'm already just thrilled with how much you enjoyed the story. :)


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Review #4, by doglover 

22nd December 2010:
i really like this story!!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! It's been awesome to read all of your reviews as you read the story!

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Review #5, by AlPadfootPotter96 

17th December 2010:
I love Professor Dearborn - that's how a true teacher should act! :) More James/Lily to come?

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so happy you loved Professor Dearborn! :) I always saw him as a very likable, down-to-earth guy, so I'm glad other people see those qualities too.

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Review #6, by girly1393 

8th September 2010:
Lily, c'mon. Be the bigger man here. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team.

Bravo to you, I really am enjoying it so far.

Bravo to you again!

Author's Response: She really is too stubborn for her own good--a little bit like Harry in that way, I suppose. :)

Thank you; so glad to hear you were enjoying it as you read!


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Review #7, by Isannah 

15th June 2010:
Nice chapter...but a little w/o excitement and humor. I was happy to see that Mary and Remus made up, though.

Author's Response: I think that generally, the story gets a little darker as it progresses, so that may be why it was a little lower on humour. I'm glad you still liked the chapter, and seeing Mary and Remus getting back on good terms. I thought it was a nice contrast with the Lily/James situation, and between Lily and Mary's personalities.

Thanks!


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Review #8, by _hedwig_ 

23rd April 2010:
My head would immediately jump to Nearly Headless Nick! My favourite chapter would probably be...Just a Name. I think.

My favourite part would be at the Quidditch match and Sirius is like "McGonagall needs to talk to Mr. Black!" It's something Sirius would say.

Author's Response: Okay, I admit it, he might have been the first one to pop into my mind, too. But I always tend to think that kind of strangeness is limited to myself, and am therefore very surprised when I meet other closet HP geeks in real life!

I'm glad you liked that line of Sirius'. I can't imagine he wouldn't have capitalized on the name confusion in that situation!

Thank you!


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Review #9, by CaribouProngs 

18th April 2010:
For someone who hates describing quidditch games, you certainly did well! I thought it was pretty exciting... But maybe that's just me. My favorite part so far has been when Slughorn roped Lily and James into that party.

Author's Response: Thank you! That's so great to hear. The thing is, I'm not much into sports, and plus, action scenes are not really my forte. Add those two things together = extreme difficulty with describing Quidditch. I know I put even more effort into the last game in the story, so if you were excited by this one, hopefully that bodes well for future matches! :)

Haha, I'm glad you thought that party of Slughorn's was amusing. It seemed to me like the sort of outlandish thing he would do.

Thank you so, so much for all the great reviews!! If you have any other comments to make as you go along in the story, I would of course love to hear them as well. :)


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Review #10, by allie_0608 

12th April 2010:
Loving this, can't wait till Lily and James actually start getting a long again lol.

Author's Response: Hello again! Wow, I feel spoiled with another review coming so quickly. :) Thank you!

Yes, there is a bit of a period where they're frustratingly distant...but you don't have too much longer to wait!


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Review #11, by RainbowVeins 

17th January 2010:
i think my fav part was when Lily is finally saying that she missed James I really think story is really great the way you write about the characters is awesome! oh and abt teachers and their refrences to harry potter our teacher decided to have a debate Harry Potter Vs. Twilight well we were in heated debate until our principle came in randomly with a wand and pretended to place a silencing charm on the class and just walked out whistling the Harry Potter theme from the movie it was pretty funny XD just wanted to share :)

Author's Response: Ah, it is nice to see Lily missing James, isn't it? They're both a little too stubborn to fix their disagreement at this point, and I imagine it would have been easy to fall back into the pattern of not speaking to one another very often, as they probably had for lots of the years they knew each other. I'm really thrilled to hear you like the characters, because that's something that's always been very important to me!

Hahaha! That's one of the funniest things I've heard in a while, and how cool that your teacher let you guys debate that. (Although I think I would just get frustrated if someone tried to say that Twilight is better than Harry Potter.) Anyway, your principal sounds hilarious. Thanks for sharing that story. :P (Oh, and for the review, too.)


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Review #12, by Somebody 

10th January 2010:
Ummm... I've like everything until now...you know James played seeker not chaser, right?

Author's Response: Hi again! Thanks for another review.

Hopefully when you say that you've liked everything until now, you mean it in a good way and not that you've stopped liking the story! :S Here's the thing about James--the movies portray him as a Seeker, probably to make more of a sentimental connection with Harry, and he was playing with a Snitch in OotP, but he was without doubt a Chaser. JKR's was asked the question in an interview with Scholastic in 2000, and she said he was a Chaser. Many people have gotten the same impression as you, though!

So, yes, I do hope you still like the story. :) Thanks again!


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Review #13, by RocketBabyDoll9 

2nd January 2010:
Hey there! I apologize profusely, (once again), for taking such a long time to review these chapters! Secretly, thought it's not too secret now, I've read a large portion of this story, I just haven't reviewed the chapters yet. I usually write better reviews when I reread a chapter anyway, so I guess it works out! I really was expecting to get caught up on this story over my break which is, sadly, almost over, and I was hoping to write one or two chapters of my own. But these past two weeks were spent watching Band of Brothers, Lord of the Rings, and Bridget Jones, all of which I've seen multiple times. While severely unproductive, I'd say it was a break well spent.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, and on to the review!

“Mr Black!”

“Where’s Slytherin’s Seeker? Professor McGonagall needs a word with him.”

“Not him, you!”

I found this highly amusing. I 'lol'ed. Yeah.

Actually, Sirius made me crack up quite a lot throughout this chapter. I'm kind of glad Lily wasn't in the chapter until the end. I like hearing from James.

And no one can write an interesting Quidditch match. I've never read one where I was like "Yes, that's the BEST Quidditch match I've ever envisioned in my mind and I wish I could write one like it!!!1!1!" Really, I've never read one that interested me. Sports are boring to people like me. So, don't feel bad. It was actually nicely written, and made sense and there wasn't all this crazyness that's so featured in other stories. I honestly have no idea how to approach writing my Quidditch matches, as three of my four main characters are on the Quidditch team. Might have to get some help from the forums.

Anyway, again, your inclusion of Peter made me smile inside. I'm glad that you not only include him, but you have him and Remus around each other a lot. In other stories where Peter is ignored etc. I always wonder what Remus does. I mean, James and Sirius are always together, so who in the world does Remus hang out with? So it's good that he and Peter have each other in that way. (:

I really like your dialogue. It's realistic, without sounding too proper, or too casual, and (I dunno 'bout anyone else) that's exactly how me and my best friend speak to each other, so I'm glad it's written the way it is. The flow is very nice.

Your story has some wit to it, though subtle, and I like it.

I can definitely understand where Lily is coming from with the whole Remus/Mary thing. Not that I'm disliking Remus or anything, I just think that a good friend should be protective. It's part of a strong friendship to me. I don't think she's overbearing or anything, and I really like her.

Anyway, another great chapter, and now I'm on to the next one! Unfortunately I won't get to review more than three or four, as I promised myself I would go to bed earlier tonight.

10/10

(:

Author's Response: Hi there! Glad to see you back. No worries at all about taking some time in between reviews, though. I know life can take over, even when you're technically on a break. That does sound like a nice way to spend your time off--you've just reminded me how I've been wanting to watch Lord of the Rings again. :)

I achieved a real, honest-to-goodness "lol"? :P Awesome! You made me laugh out loud with your pretend exclamation there--I don't know why, but it just kills me when people mockingly do the "!!!1!!!1!!" thing. And I know what you mean about Quidditch. I don't really have the least bit of interest in sports either, which definitely doesn't help me out in writing scenes like this. I'm glad that it was at least well-written and believable. I think I'm going to really put some effort into the last match, though, and see how it comes out.

I'm really, really happy to hear that you like James' POV. He was tough for me to get a handle on, and it's nice to hear that you enjoy reading his perspective. And I'm also glad that you like the way I'm including Peter. You're right, it does create a strange dynamic when Peter isn't really there. It seems to me (just from writing them) that each of the boys would have had unique friendships with each other--like I can imagine that Peter and Sirius would have similar senses of humour and a shared enjoyment for trouble-making, for example. And like you said, I'm sure Peter and Remus would have had a certain bond just like James and Sirius did.

I'm very glad you can relate to the dialogue. I tend to think a lot about whether bits of dialogue are realistic or not, so it's nice to know that it comes off right.

I think you're right about Lily's reaction to the situation between Mary & Remus. Obviously she's friends with Remus as well, but I don't think she'd be overly close to him, or anything, so it's only logical that she would be watching out for Mary in this case. I'm really glad you like Lily in that part and didn't find her to be over-protective or nosy.

Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.


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Review #14, by banana 

7th November 2009:
Just a really quick note: I really liked how you had Peter dye Sirius's eys pink without waiting for Remus or James to lead...In so many stories, Peter is portrayed as a halfwit and a follower...I liked that you showed he can think for himself!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked that part. I like to give Peter some moments like this, for the very reasons that you stated. I can't imagine why James and Sirius would have been friends with him if he was, as you said, "a halfwit and a follower", so I'm sure he was just as mischievous as them at times.

Thank you again for your reviews!


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Review #15, by Leigh Kelley 

30th October 2009:
Wow.
Okay, I know you don't like writing Quidditch, but I have to tell you this. You write it so well. I LOVE Quidditch, and reading about it. The tension Between the Griffs and the Snakes was obvious; it's always like that, so I don't see why it would be any different here. Sirius' commentary was hilarious. When he joked about not remembering his friend's name, I cracked a smile. And then you mentioned a time when they were trying to make up names for each other, and I laughed at Sirius's ones. I could only imagine what all they had thought about where Peter was concerned.

The fight that went down...brilliant! Though, I must say that I am surprised some of them weren't tossed out of the game. Sure it all happened during a time-out, and they expect this type of behavior when Gryffindor and Slytherin face each other, but I think there should have been a penalty...or a removal, for whacking someone across the head with a bat.

Haha. Longest match in the history of the school indeed o.o. Must have been really boring to watch if only a few supporters stuck around to watch. It was nice to read though, as I have said before.

You really have a flair for writing. I always struggle where it comes to writing newspaper articles, and therefore always leave them out. You type such long and interesting excerpts from it, and I am impressed. You must have researched quite a bit. Do you plan to be some sort of writer in the future?

If I were Lily, I would be concerned about the Remus/Mary relationship as well. She forgave him easily, and I hope he doesn't go around breaking her heart again. I don't know why, but she seems the type to to just cry, forgive, cry, forgive; without no end. You know the type; they just wear themselves out about someone and don't care what anyone else has to say about the matter :/. Ah well; everyone's different.

On to the next one.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: You're making me blush over here! Thank you so much! I think the problem I have with writing Quidditch is that it kind of ends up devolving into the same thing every time...but I suppose having the match go on for an eon-and-a-half was a bit different than usual! And Sirius as a commentator would be pretty funny, I think. I'm glad he made you laugh, and the nicknames thing too--I think how I had it written they'd tried an Initials theme, a Mischief-Related Words theme (hence "Unruly" for James), a Play-On-Last-Names theme (which is where Planter came from), and a Physical-Characteristics theme (James was Specs, Sirius was Longmane). I imagine Remus' name would have been easy to think up, but I'm sure they didn't get Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail until they had learned to become Animagi...how else would they have known their animal forms, right?

Hmm...yes, I suppose I really should have added a penalty or something like that in there after the fight. That was a bit of an oversight on my part. But I'm glad you thought it was good anyway!

And wow, you're making me blush again with your "flair for writing" compliment! :) That's so nice of you to say! I do tend to research things a bit obsessively, which I think is partially because I'm a History major in school. It kind of makes you fixated on finding evidence for things. And I do want to be a writer of sorts, I suppose, because I'd love to be a History professor! (It would be fantastic to write historical fiction or something of the like, too.)

I definitely know what you mean about Mary, and that's exactly how I was hoping to characterize her! She's a bit ridiculous in that way.

Thanks for another awesome review!


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Review #16, by Harry and Ginny 

3rd October 2009:
this chapter certainly was interesting and i can't wait to see when are james and Lily going to be friends again. will u update soon please?^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Well, Lily and James will become friends again, although I won't spoil it by saying EXACTLY when. But I will say that it's a funny event.

And I will update soon (hopefully I can put the next chapter in this afternoon); I'm just trying to rewrite part of it and not having much luck. After I finish an essay today though, I'm going to FORCE myself!!

Thank you so much for your diligent reviewing, and I hope you continue to like the story!


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Review #17, by Jimmette 

1st October 2009:
just want to say that one of the things that makes your story so enjoyable is the little details.
Like the Marauder nickname thing (I laughed out loud at S.O.B!)
and the names! One thing that annoys me about other fics is how unfittingly flashy and modern the names are, but I like the names you make up.
And I was also impressed by your daily prophet excerpt :)
...I'll have to get back to you on my favourite part

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm glad you laughed at the S.O.B. thing...for some reason I had thought his middle name was Orion, but then I looked it up and didn't find anything--still, I decided to keep it because it was his dad's name, which made it fairly plausible, and because it was funny. Humour is not my strong suit, so I have to take these opportunities when I can. :)

And I'm so happy to hear that you like the names--it drives me insane when people have really modern names in their stories too! Sure, JKR uses unusual names, but they're always kind of old-fashioned...she's got a really interesting combination of traditional and mythological names that I try my best to emulate.

I think the Daily Prophet excerpts turned out pretty well, too. One of my priorities is to show the very real danger that was happening while still keeping the story within Lily and James' daily lives...I think it will be an excellent contrast for when they're no longer in school and the danger is more immediate.

You give me so much to talk about in responses, and I love it! I hope to have the next chapter up ASAP, but I need to re-write part of it first. Thanks so so much for reviewing!


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