23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by StEpH_M 

29th October 2012:
More Lily and her friends moments, I found it funny of Lily hit Anna after her remark about Lily fancying her brother, it is a nice show of the fiery side of Lily's personality that was mentioned a few times in Harry Potter series when adults mentioned Lily while reminiscing. I also like that she vanished Anna's head, that made me laugh and Anna's remark about it was amusing as well. I also laughed at the professor's way of punishing Sirius for his antics; it was rather amusing to see him jinx Sirius instead of giving him a detention.

Anna and Dess' relationship is interesting too, I wonder if it's a family love hate relationship, where no matter how much they say they hate each other they actually love each other, or whether they actually do hate each other.

It's also good that you started to bring in the events that are happening outside Hogwarts, the start of the events that bring around the first war. It's basically the start of Hogwarts not being safe anymore and I'm glad that you brought it in near the start, just going to show that their year didn't start out as a happy year at Hogwarts that most other stories have.

And Snape has his first appearance, I'm happy about that, I always like seeing Snape as he was in Hogwarts, not just the older man he is later in life. I always like seeing the way he tries to apologies for his stunt in 5th year and how he loves her and just wants to protect her, I always liked seeing that.

And a civil conversation with James, I sort of like it, and them holding hands! Even if it wasn't in a romantic way. It's unusual to see Lily not yell at James for holding her hand, but I think I prefer it over the other way, constant fighting gets boring, playful banter and civil conversation is much more interesting. I also liked that Lily knew about James's invisibility cloak and his response to it, calling her 'bighead' for it.

I almost forgot about Remus's wolfy problem and that the Marauders always went with him. It will be really interesting if there is a auror patrolling when they are out, it will make for good drama. :)

Again there were no flow issues and I didn't notice any gramma ones either. I really liked this chapter and the Slug Club. It was really good. :)

More reviews will be on there way shortly, just as soon as I get RL under control :) Again, Happy 2nd Anniversary!

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Review #2, by starryskies55 

11th September 2012:
RIGHT. I GOOGLED CARADOC DEARBORN, and I have a naturally suspicious mind, and I'm probably reading /far/ too much into this, but I reckon he's a baddie. Like, a MAJOR baddie. I will now list my reasons for thinking so (no laughing when I'm wrong).
a) HP wiki says he disappeared, his body was never found. Clearly something fishy is going on there.
b) Lily mentioned he was evil.
c) someone else mentioned he was spineless.
d) he backed Dumbledore and effectively lost his job, and now has to rely on Dumbledore's handouts. If I was Dearborn, I'd have a grudge. (I'm suspicious and mean)
Therefore, I conclude that Dearborn has become jaded with the Order (and/or Dumbledore) and is going to (if he hasn't already) joined the Death Eaters- possibly due to his spineless nature, he get easily persuaded to join.
Now, I'm going to be quite big-headed and say I'm usually right about guessing plots (I'm a right laugh to watch films with *rolls eyes*) so I'm about ninety-nine percent sure he's a baddie. And a friend once called me Sherlock. *head inflates*

Anyway, onto more light hearted stuff! James and Lily after the party, I was practically chanting 'NOW KISS'- but as much as I want them to, that probably wouldn't be good for the plot. So sad, but happy.

Anna at the party was brilliantly sarcastic, not over the top, but totally believable- not everyone has the perfect comebacks all the time (as we've seen with Lily) :P

The giant photos and being 'immortalised in cheese' (oh my gosh, I laughed so hard) sounds like such a brilliant idea, and such a Slughorn thing to do. Does he have no conception of the embarrassment, or does he rnjoy making people squirm? (ohmygosh- plunny for Slughorn organising a Deathday party... that would be so amazing) I also love that James was referred to as 'Courageous and Confident'! Genius.

Remus' furry little problem neatly making an appearance as well... seriously, nothing is jerky or seems to be out of place. Please, may I have your writing skills? On the same kind of line, I loved the sneaky little bit about the invisibility cloak- I wonder if Lily knows about Remus' furry little problem? o.O

Oh, I'm going in the wrong order again. The Defence class was superb, I liked to see the Marauders being mischievous, and I ADORED the reference to their fifth year :P Although I have now a deep rooted dislike of Dearborn, which I doubt will ever go away. OMG. Dearborn and Peter. will they conspire against with each other? Against the marauders? I /may/ be getting ahead of myself here.

By the way, I meant to say in the last review but I forgot- I really love the parallels to Harry's years with old mouldy Voldy on the loose- the extra protection of the Aurors and the stuff to detect dark magic! It's fantastic.

I love this story so much! And verbal acrobatics is such an amazing phrase!

- Jenny.

PS. This may be the longest review I have EVER left.

Author's Response: :O This IS a long one! AND I LOVE IT. :D

Very interesting predictions there...I'm waggling my eyebrows in a cryptic sort of way, which is probably a terrible mental image. Of course, I won't spoil anything for you and say whether you're right or not. But I will say that, either way, points for sleuthiness. ;) It's actually so interesting to me that you dislike Dearborn--I've never had anyone tell me that in a review. I'm not offended in the slightest (I actually take it as a form of high praise when people tell me they dislike one of my characters), but your reaction is definitely unique. :D

Oh goodness, the "NOW KISS" chants have started already, have they? I'm quite sure you're going to want to murder me before the story's end. *hides* Apologies in advance.

I'm so glad you liked Anna! I love Anna. I used to get reviewers telling me how much they disliked her, which just made me feel this evil sense of pride in the fact that I thought she was awesome. Later in the story, many of them decided that she was all right. ;)

I love it when people review this story from the start, because it reminds me of things that are way back in the dusty corners of my memory. Like "immortalized in cheese". Did I actually write that? It sounds now like it came from a much wittier person than me. :P I think Slughorn has a concept of embarrassment, but it happens to be very different than the one that most other people have. In his mind, who WOULDN'T want all that attention and praise?

You want my writing skills?! I actually don't know if anyone's ever said that to me before! I also don't know if I have skills. But I'll take your word for it. :P

I could tell you what I think about what Lily thinks about Remus' furry problem, but you'll come to that later in the story, so I won't spoil it.

I feel like I repeat this every response, but oh well: I'm so happy you're still loving the story! Your reviews have been really fun to read so far, and I look forward to hearing more. :D Thanks again!

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Review #3, by classicblack 

10th December 2011:
"I've been immortalized in cheese" hahah brilliant way to end the chapter. I love how you add these bits of humour into your story without overdoing it. Your description of Slughorn's party was also exceptionally well done. I like that even though Lily is trying to be friends with James, she's not succeeding all too well and that you haven't made her immediately turn from hating James to loving him in a matter of weaks. You've kept the pace of their relationship relatively smooth so far and it's nice and realistic. Great chapter!
Happy writing,

Author's Response: Haha, thanks! I always think I'm not very funny, both as a writer and in my every day life, but I like that there's enough in there for you to have a laugh at now and then.

I always think it's not very realistic for Lily to switch from hating James to being head-over-heels for him. There's too much history and baggage there for that to happen and for them to make things work, at least in my opinion. I'm glad to hear you think my version is realistic!

Thanks for the review!

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Review #4, by AngelEyez3954 

30th September 2011:
Once again, I'm really enjoying the interactions between Lily and James to be very well written. The scene between Lily and James after they escape Slughorn's party is sweet - there is enough there to support them becoming friends without it being too fast-paced.

I'm also enjoying seeing the "real" James - through his own personal thoughts and actions - for example, his reaction to the cheese statue at the party, but then the final line when he is bragging to his friends about it.

Slughorn's party was very well written, although it would have been nice to see him "showing off" James and Lily more to his contacts. The party was basically thrown in their honor, and I found that it seemed to lack showing them as the "guests of honor".

I'm also very intrigued about the DADA professor, between how he acted in class (using Levicorpus against Sirius) and then the new information that Desdemona gave Lily - I'm curious to see where you're going with that!

Author's Response: (Now that I'm responding to these--FINALLY--I'm reminded again of what fantastic reviews they were!)

Again, I'm so happy to hear that the interaction between James and Lily, and also James' characterization, works well in these early chapters. Those are things I really think about a lot when I'm writing.

You know, that's a good point about Slughorn not "showing off" James and Lily. I'm definitely going to keep that in mind if I ever get up the motivation to do more editing on the story. :)

Thanks again!

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Review #5, by Noblevyne 

30th June 2011:
I was wondering why the name Dearborn sounded so familiar. Good to see future Order members showing up!

I don't know how much more I can gush about how well you write them all. I just want to keep going and seeing what happens because I know it'll be handled well and delicately.

I did notice another tiny typo:

“You brother’s not that bad,” Mary said.

Should be 'Your'.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the inclusion of Dearborn--of course, the surprise is kind of killed, because everyone can figure out that he was part of the original Order, but if I were worried about that kind of thing, I probably wouldn't have wanted to write a story where everyone knows the two main characters die in the end. :P

Thank you for pointing out that typo, and for the others in later reviews--I did go through and edit these earlier chapters, but I got distracted (or something like that) at some point, and I'm sure the later ones have a few mistakes here and there. It's nice to have someone make it easier to find them. :P

Thanks again!

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Review #6, by doglover 

21st December 2010:
james is making some serious progress.

Author's Response: Yes, he does make progress...but, as you know from having read the story, he's a bit of a "one step forward, two steps back" kind of guy. :P

Thanks again!

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Review #7, by AlPadfootPotter96 

16th December 2010:
Brilliant! I love how you wrote about Slughorn's party, I imagined them to be just as...frivolous.

Author's Response: Thanks! :) It's always tough to write frivolity without overdoing it, so I'm glad you liked the chapter!

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Review #8, by Alice 

27th November 2010:
I have read a lot of James/Lily stories, but I have to say that yours is the most believable. There are many stories out there that are extremely farfetched, and the ones that are more on the believable side have grammar/spelling issues, or are just much too short to do any major character development. I'm just at the beginning right now, but I'm sure that this story will continue to be exceptional throughout. You're doing a really great job. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Hi Alice! Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad my story seems realistic; that's really one of the most important things to me as a writer. :) I really hope you continued to enjoy the story!

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Review #9, by girly1393 

8th September 2010:
"I've been immortalized in cheese." That was hilarious.

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: Haha, glad you liked that line. I can't write all-humour-all-the-time, but sometimes I like to think I get a line here and there that's amusing. :P

Thank you!

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Review #10, by happy_person 

1st July 2010:
haha, funny chapter. can't get enough of your story and it's only the fourth chapter! kudos to you! ;D

Author's Response: Oh, I'm so happy to hear I made you laugh. :) I'm not always the funniest person, in writing or real life, so I count it as a bit of a personal victory whenever anyone tells me I'm funny!

Thanks again!

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Review #11, by LoveTomRiddle 

26th June 2010:
'"Aidan is a doll.” “Yeah, I noticed his head was a bit empty,” Anna muttered.'

"...I'm been immortalised in cheese."

Those were my two favourite parts. I like that you put a lot of humor into the story!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you find these little moments in the story funny. :) I try to be funny where I can, though I'm not much of a laugh-a-minute type of writer.


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Review #12, by Isannah 

15th June 2010:
A little boring this time...

Author's Response: You know, thinking back, this chapter is a little uneventful compared to others. I guess I can't win them all! :P Thanks for your honesty.

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Review #13, by CaribouProngs 

17th April 2010:
"I've been immortalized in cheese."
That is just one of the best lines I've heard in a long time.
Who can say no to a good James/Lily fic? Awesome.

Author's Response: You enjoyed it? Yay! I'm not the funniest gal, and I think that line is probably my silliest/funniest, at least that I can remember, so I'm definitely glad you thought it was good.

Can anyone say no to a good James/Lily fic? Or, more to the point, SHOULD anyone say no? I think not. They are awesome!

By the way, lovely to virtually meet you, and thank you for this and all the other great reviews! :) It's so nice to hear from new readers.

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Review #14, by breezieair 

13th April 2010:
I've just started reading your story and I really really like it!!! it flows nicely! I like how you chose to do James and Lily's POV's it makes it different from some of the other J/L stories I've read!

I'm glad that I have a long way to go!


Author's Response: Hey breezieair! Thank you so much for the review! It's so wonderful that even this late in the story, I get new people beginning to read...sometimes I start to think that everyone who's going to find the story has found it, and it's a lovely surprise when I hear from new readers. :)

Anyway, I'm so happy you like the POV changes! I have to admit that I never even realized before starting the story that it made it unique from others--I just never even imagined writing it any other way! But it's good to know that it flows well, because I suppose that's definitely a danger of switching POVs. :)

Yep, quite a few chapters to go, and I hope you enjoy them! If you ever have any more comments to make about the story, please feel free to leave me another review! And thank you again!

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Review #15, by allie_0608 

10th April 2010:
Lol, I liked the last line [:

Author's Response: Hi again!

Haha, I'm glad you thought it was funny. Humour doesn't come easily to me, but I manage to stick in a few mildly amusing lines here and there. :P

I'm glad you're still enjoying the story, and thank you so much for continuing to review!

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Review #16, by RAnilyn 

19th February 2010:
That was a good chapter! I know most would complain that its too slow, but I like it slow (James + Lily's relationship). So that way you can see it progressing slowly. You're doing awesome btw!

Author's Response: Hi there! Sorry it's taken me a while to get around to responding to your reviews. I was away for a bit last week and then this weekend was so busy...anyway, I read them and really appreciated them, and now I finally have time to thank you! :)

I'm really glad to hear you like the pace! Too often in stories, Lily realizes in an instant that she's loved James all along...and those stories are lovely and fun to read, of course, but I always found it just a tad unrealistic. So I tried my best to keep things as realistic as possible. I don't think I succeeded everywhere, but oh well! I really am happy that you're enjoying how their relationship is progressing slowly. I figured that with their history, it made more sense to have their feelings (well, Lily's, at least) grow gradually.

Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #17, by TheBrightSideofSiriusBlack 

10th February 2010:
Love love love this story. It makes me smile. Your Lily and James are so realistic. You've got a great sense of humor as well. gotta cut this review short so I can read chapter 5. Great story.

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so glad you like the story! :) Coincidentally, your review made ME smile, so I guess we're even on that front.

I've tried my very hardest to keep Lily, James and the story generally as realistic as possible, so it just makes me so happy to hear you think I've done well there.

I'm always pleasantly surprised whenever someone says that they think I'm funny (both in real life and in reviews). I never think of myself that way! I'm really, really glad you think so.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters, and please do review again if you have any comments, questions, criticisms, etc. I really love getting feedback!

Thanks so much for taking the time to review!

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Review #18, by RainbowVeins 

17th January 2010:
well once again nice chapter im rlly enjoying reading it im tryin to keep my reviews short but this may be one of my fav lily/james ff so far :) really great story so far :)

Author's Response: You don't need to keep your reviews short, if you have lots to say! I am an avid lover of long reviews, and as you might have noticed, writing long responses to them. However much you have or don't have to say is just fine with me. :)

One of your favourites? Wow, that's a big compliment, and I'm very flattered! Thank you so much.

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Review #19, by melian 

22nd December 2009:
Back again!

Right, inner critic stuff first. And what I picked out from this chapter is really minor stuff - Muggle Liaisons Officer instead of Muggle Liaison Officer, for example. And the US spelling of "metres", which for some reason really bugs me. There's no logical reason for it to, but it does, so I'm mentioning it because I'm feeling a bit self indulgent at the moment. Probably because it's Christmas time.

Okay, enough of my rambling. I'm really enjoying your story. If I had some more time I'd probably read it all, but that might have to wait until my own fic is finished. However, it is an intention at the moment, so if in two years you find me reviewing every chapter I haven't already done, that would be why.

I really liked Lily saying that if Dearborn was a friend of Dumbledore's, he cant' be evil - that was a lovely throwback to Harry and his stubborn loyalty. Actually, James and his stubborn loyalty as well, if it comes down to it. I think it's cute that you've given Harry those genes from both sides.

Oh, and nice research with Desdemona's editor being Barnabas Cuffe. I liked that. :D And I liked your inclusion of Greta Catchlove - you obviously checked out the Famous Wizard Card to see what she looked like just as I did. Nice touch with the cheese, too! I just alluded to that book with her being good at Charms, but you've gone the whole hog. I do love seeing research in a fic like this. (I've just read that over and realised it could sound like sarcasm, so I'd like to stress that I'm being absolutely genuine with this. That cheese sculpture made me smile a lot as I read about it.)

The POV change to James threw me a bit, probably because I'm reading this 2 chapters at a time and in ch3 it was pretty much all Lily POV (aside from Quidditch practice, in which Lily wasn't present), though with third person it can jump around a bit. But then I remembered that you'd done this in earlier chapters and it was nice to see the Slughorn party (sounds appalling, by the way) from his perspective as well. I also loved Dearborn's teaching manner and Desdemona's subsequent summary of his history - like Lily, I'm inclined to take it with a bit of a grain of salt. It sounded like Dess was parroting what someone else had told her at the time rather than speaking from her own experience. So I'll be interested to see where that all goes.

I'll also say that I like your take on the other three Marauders, you seem to have them down pretty well. There's so much open to interpretation with those boys but it's nice that you haven't gone to extremes with any of them - much more believable in my book.

All in all, a very good read. And I'd like an excuse to read more so when I re-open my thread in the new year (I'm taking a break from it in early January) by all means grab a place!

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Oh, good, only little technical problems again! Phew! :) I'll go back and edit when the queue re-opens, for sure. Haha, I appreciate your frustration with strange spellings. For some reason I can't stand it when people write "focussed" instead of "focused", even though they're both technically right. I'm one of those people who obnoxiously points out that sort of stuff, so I completely understand the feeling of self-indulgence.

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! (To be honest, sometimes it kind of amazes me when people review these early chapters that they actually like them, because when I think about them, I cringe and just want to rewrite them completely. I'm sure you understand the feeling. Maybe I'll take the same approach as you and do it if I ever get TA status.) I'll gladly welcome those reviews two years from now, but please do finish your story first. :)

I have this love of giving Lily and James very slight characteristics that Harry has, so I'm so happy that you picked up on that stubborn loyalty part. When it comes to these two characters, I figure Harry's personality is a good place to look for some of it, keeping in mind that he is his own person and they didn't raise him, of course.

Yay for research! :) I love browsing around the Lexicon for that sort of stuff. As soon as I saw Greta Catchlove's birthdate, I just knew I HAD to include her, especially since we don't really have anyone else who we definitively know was the same age as Lily and the Marauders. And no worries, it didn't sound like sarcasm at all!

Ergh, the POV changes. I love them and yet I hate them. But I think you're right about this one; if I remember correctly, it was rather abrupt and one of those skip-back-a-bit-in-time situations that don't always work out in writing. These earlier chapters were a bit unbalanced in terms of POV, as well--I think the first chapter was also almost all Lily. And I'm glad you share Lily's healthy scepticism about Anna's sister. More on her won't come until much later, though.

I'm so, so happy you think the Marauders are fairly believable. Don't look too closely at my Sirius, though. :P He gives me characterization woes.

I may have to put aside the shame of the greediness of requesting reviews from you again, because your input is really so fantastic to have. Have a great Christmas and New Year, and thank you SO much for the reviews!

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Review #20, by pattybuns_hpf 

15th December 2009:
Oooohhh, it did get better! Loved it! xP Your writing is still as awesome as ever!


Author's Response: I actually didn't read this one review after I responded to the last one, so I'm very happy to hear that it did get better! I suppose there's always those chapters that just aren't quite on par with the others. Maybe sometime I'll go back and edit the previous chapter so it fits better with the other! :)

Thanks again for the review!

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Review #21, by RocketBabyDoll9 

14th December 2009:
I like your Sirius a whole lot. He's not featured extensively yet, but his personality seems realistic compared to other fics I've read. The fact that Dearborn cast Levicorpus on him made me smile a bit. (:

Slughorn's party was on the par. It was ridiculous, like they always are (this is a good thing, lol) and the fact that he had Lily and James' faces up for everyone to see was hilarious.

And how about Anna's sister, eh? She's a piece of work.

The Lily and James holding hand thing was cute. There was not shock, or charge, or energy, and that's a good thing. That's the worst kind of cliche, i.e. the one that never happens in real life. Well, I personally have never felt a spark in my hand, but you know what I mean... (:

"I’ve been immortalized in cheese.” That made me laugh.

Another great chapter!

Author's Response: Ahh, that makes me feel so good that you like Sirius! He's a devil for me to write sometimes--in fact, all the Marauders are (well, maybe with the exception of James, just because I have to do it fairly often). I actually have an easier time figuring out Peter as a character than I do Sirius! I probably shouldn't admit these things or else people will start thinking I'm incompetent. :P

That's fantastic that you thought Slughorn's party was good! I just thought it was SUCH a Slughorn thing to do to give the Head Boy and Girl some special honours, since he would assume that they were going to be successful in some way or another (although, as we've seen from the books, that's not always the safest assumption).

I think pretty much Anna's entire family is a piece of work. I'm really looking forward to getting to write them a bit more in future chapters, actually, because I think Anna's bad attitude will be a little bit more understandable then.

Haha, you made me laugh: "I personally have never felt a spark in my hand". So true! All I can imagine that either one of them would be feeling at that moment was awkwardness, and I certainly can't see it being some moment where Lily realizes how intensely attracted she is to James. :P Again, I'm al about the realism.

And I'm glad you liked that line. I find that I'm not often funny in my writing, so it's always pleasantly surprising when I've managed to make someone laugh!

Thanks so much for all of your reviews so far! They've all been so nice to read and respond to. I hope you like the rest of the story!

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Review #22, by Leigh Kelley 

30th October 2009:
Oh. Although I admit that Sirius (the others too) needs to be taught a lesson about picking on Snape, especially when he is blind to what's about to happen to him, I don't think Dearborn went about it the right way. Even McGonagall doesn't approve of things like that; such as her incredulity at what Moody did to Draco. I sort of agree with Mary; he is a bit evil. At least that's my impression of him so far; things can change.

I like your little hints throughout the chapter, especially those pertaining to Dumbledore. Such as Lily saying 'If he's a friend of Dumbledore, he can't be evil'. Ha! And Lily's thoughts about Dumbledore and manipulating a friend. Ha again. It's really clever of you, actually. Her strong belief in Dumbledore reminds me of Harry's.

Is Desdemona like Rita Skeeter? She just reminds me of her somehow...

I'm still liking the interactions between Lily and James. Nothing rushed, but at least it's not a blowup every three seconds. I like them being civil to each other.

Anywho, on to the next one.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: I really like this review, because most people who read the story kind of seem to gloss over the stuff with Dearborn, and it's wonderful to hear some thoughts on it. He's a bit of an enigma, isn't he? Because yes, he was definitely out of line with what he did to Sirius, but then you also see that he obviously has some sense of a moral compass in that he doesn't like Sirius picking on Snape. This never really occurred to me before, but I suppose in a lot of ways he's a bit like the Marauders--he has strong moral convictions but he can also be a bit cruel to people.

Lily's belief in Dumbledore is funny for us, since we know a lot more of his true nature. She's still in the same mindset as Harry, you're right, and perhaps even less informed about Dumbledore since they don't have the close relationship that he and Harry did.

And Desdemona...well, in some ways she's like Rita Skeeter. She's pretty conniving and harsh, but she's not really as gossip-y as her. I think maybe they just have some similar characteristics that lend themselves well to journalism. I'm going to get a bit more in-depth on her in future chapters (i.e. ones I haven't written yet), so perhaps the distinctions will become clearer.

And James and Lily are pretty lovely when they're civil, aren't they? :)

Thank you again!

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Review #23, by Harry and Ginny 

13th September 2009:
Slughorn is really oblivious to the fact that neither James or Lily like his parties but anyway i liked this chapter although it had few spelling mistakes but don't worry. enjoying the chapter made up. will u update soon please?^_^


Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Ergh--spelling mistakes?? I can't even go back and look now, because they'll bother me. Or maybe I will and edit them. I hate proofreading so much; I never do it if I can avoid it. Anyway, I will update as soon as possible--I don't know what it is, but whenever I put chapters into the queue, they seem to get lost or something...I submitted this one right after the queue re-opened, but it took a while!

Thanks again for reviewing! Without you I would have no reviews! Haha. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

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