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35 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MRpadfootandprongs 

3rd January 2017:
i wasnt expecting sirius to ask for a dance

Author's Response: Nor was Laura. Which was kind of the point, which I think you gathered. Ah, the teenaged years. So much drama!
cheers Mel


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Review #2, by nott theodore 

7th July 2014:
Hi!

The first part of this chapter with the Potions lesson made me laugh but I think that you did a really good job of setting out the rivalry between James and Snape in plainer terms, because while we all know that they were enemies and rivals for Lily's attention, we don't know how it panned out. So it was good to see your version of it here and read about how the two (with Sirius's help, of course) used to hurt each other. I think James and Sirius are bullies, really, when it comes to Snape but at the same time we see clearly here that he gives as good as he gets and manages to do it without Lily seeing - which means that she doesn't think as badly of him as she does of James.

I loved all the preparation for the Yule Ball as well. It's nice that Laura and Mary have dates even though they don't consider themselves to be popular or that desirable, and I liked the fact that the girls in the dormitory are growing closer and that Lily, Martha and Charlotte are making more of an effort to involve Laura and Mary. The description of their appearances was lovely and helped build up the excitement for the Ball... the ending wasn't expected but I guess that this might be the part of the story that's in the summary?

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Sian! Thanks for the review!! :)

Ah, the rivalry between James and Snape. YEs we know it happened, but as you said we didn't really have much by way of details so this was how I decided to play it out. We do know from Snape's Worst Memory that Snape wasn't afraid to hex when his subject's back was turned so he definitely gave as good as he got, and yes, James and Sirius probably did bully him to a degree. However when they're just as competent at hexing as the other and they're both doing it indiscriminately, who's the bully and who's the victim? Both, or neither? In any case that's how I see it - in many ways a battle of equals (in curses etc at least), though James had the popularity and looks and sporting ability that Snape didn't have, so in taht sense he did have the upper hand. I don't think I"m explaining myself very well, so please forgive me if this doesn't make a lot of sense.

As for the ball and the girls getting closer, well don't you think that an afternoon of primping and pampering would be a fantastic bonding opportunity? Though I don't like the long descriptions of outfits, so in the new version that's going to be dealt with via dialogue/action rather than just descriptions.

cheers, Mel


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Review #3, by Pretense Of Perfection 

6th July 2014:
I love the description of how Slughorn looked after the party, it literally made me see him in my mind with a drooping mustache and red nose.

I think you do an excellent job characterizing Snape as well. I can definitely see him being super sneaky about when and how he retaliates against the Marauders and other students, particularly in regards to if/how Lily would find out. He does a careful job of maintaining his "nice guy" facade around her, which really explains their friendship.

I really liked reading about how all of the girls dressed up in their dresses/robes, but I'm not going to lie, I think some of it may have been a bit much. I understand you wanted to promote the unity between the five girls, but I think it might be unnecessary to state who every single girl got their pair of earrings from. That part started to be a bit tedious to read, and I think it would've been more effective if you had described all of their outfits, and then maybe included a part at the end of that portion about how they all shared with each other, and it brought them closer together or something, maybe including how it made Laura feel.

I also really liked your choice of dates for Sirius and James. While we can safely assume they could get gorgeous dates, it really speaks to their character that it wasn't important to them, even if they pretend to have ulterior reasons. I think it acurately portrays their friendship.

I think you've done a great job with plot and flow so far, aside from my previous mention of the girls' wardrobe. I've seen a few spelling/grammar errors, but nothing that detracts from the overall quality of the writing. Excellent job!

And wow, Sirius asked her to dance? I can't help but think this might not lead to anything good...

--- House Cup 2014 Review ---

Author's Response: Yeah, I agree that the ball stuff was a bit much. In my new improved version that's been changed significantly. :)

Other than that, I'm glad you liked it. I was very careful with my characterisations of the canon characters - Snape, James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Peter - based as much as possible on what we know from JKR. So I do think Snape did a lot of his nasty stuff behind Lily's back, and I do think that at this age James and Sirius couldn't give a toss about their dates. Glad you agree!

cheers, Mel


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Review #4, by asdf:) 

27th June 2013:
Hi! I know that you probably don't view this story much, but in case you're reading this, this has been a really nice read so far, fun and refreshing.
I just wanted to let you know by the way as an answer to your A/N that the Yule Ball is a tradition of the Triwizard tournament, which, as you probably know, is a tournament that stopped in the late 1800s because of the high death toll that resulted from the competition.
This fanfiction is awesome, thanks for posting it!

Author's Response: Ah, yes, I should probably change that note about the Yule Ball, as I've been corrected a few times now. Thing is, I've not got anything to replace it with, as Sluggy's Christmas party doesn't fill the same role. Oh well, back to the drawing board. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #5, by Lillylover22 

29th February 2012:
Great chapter. Loved it 9/10 : )

Author's Response: Thank you! Very pleased to hear it.
cheers, Mel


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Review #6, by Quilled Crystal 

1st February 2012:
Awesome chapter!! Love the cliffhanger! How exciting! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! So glad you're still enjoying it!

cheers, Mel


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Review #7, by singer123 

12th December 2011:
Sirius and laura...?

Author's Response: Yep! But maybe not yet. You'll have to read on to find out! *wicked grin*

cheers, Mel


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Review #8, by 10PointsFromSlytherin 

22nd November 2011:
Poor Hector. :(
In my head all I heard was... "the suspense thickens, dun, dun dun." THIS IS SO GOOD, what a great ending, wooo!

Author's Response: Yes, poor Hector. Unfortunately this plot point required someone to be left out in the cold, and he drew the short straw. But yes, the plot thickens :D Glad you're enjoying it!

cheers, Mel


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Review #9, by classicblack 

2nd October 2011:
I suppose the next chapter is where the story summary comes into play? Can't wait to find out what happens next and if Sirius and Laura will actually get together!
Until next chapter,
classicblack

Author's Response: Yep, next chapter is the summary. I didn't want to have it too far into the story - spoilers, you know. But this seemed okay. :D Well guessed!

cheers, Mel


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Review #10, by Ivypool 

12th September 2011:
Hi,
I've read all your chapters so far, and I think you're GREAT!!! I love the way you keep in the details from the series- like the Whomping Willow. It feels real and connected. Love the drama.

-Ivy

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I know that these early chapters can be a bit hard to get through so I really appreciate your persevering here. I tried to put in as much canon as I could from that era so it's lovely to have that recognised, thank you!

cheers, Mel


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Review #11, by Debra20 

18th August 2011:
Oh Mel, I think I am already swooning over your story! I really feel like I'm already in love with your Sirius. I can barely handle my excitement to read the next chapter! I haven't felt like this while reading a story in such a long time. It's not often that I share the same feelings with a character as I would with a real life person (romantic wise I mean).

Your portrayal of the Marauders is so perfect that I find it impossible not to love them! And not only them. All of your characters, including the original ones, are so appealing that one almost feels like they know them from real life. They just come to life when written by your hand.

Not to mention how you fabulously manage to introduce us to the scenes you are writing. Your descriptions of the settings, the characters clothing and appearance (as they dress for the ball) and feelings and reactions are spot on.

I really loved the fact that finally, Laura and Mary were 'integrated' in Lily's group. It was sad to imagine them always by themselves and Lily with her friends, despite living and sleeping in the same dormitory. We can easily relate to the fun the girls had while dressing up because we know in real life how entertaining that is. The sweet anticipation of a ball is always a joy to experience, and with your magnificent quill skill you transpired that eagerness with excellent eloquence.

Author's Response: Hi Debra! Thanks for the review!

Wow, you're in love with Sirius already? But he's a poxy teenaged boy with questionable motives and little consideration for others' feelings at the moment. In other words, a typical 16 year old, hahaha. But then again I'm rather fond of him as a character so he's probably a sympathetically-written poxy teenaged boys with questionable motives. *grins*

I'm really pleased, actually, that you like my characterisations so much. I did put a lot of work into them, and their development over the course of the story, so it's really lovely to have that recognised. Thank you! *blushes* Also pleased that you liked the integration of Laura and Mary into the larger group, at least where getting ready for the ball is concerned. As you said that's something that girls do love doing together so it was really nice of LIly to hunt them down to include them like that. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #12, by alicia and anne 

4th August 2011:
Yay! the yule ball scene! (like I said previously I love any excuse for a good ball!) The girls dresses sound beautiful from your descriptions, and it just seems so James and Sirius for them to arrive late! Fashionably of course, those marauders do like being centre of attention.
Hopefully they pay more attention to their dates though, And I wonder what Sirius is up to at the end?

alicia and anne
Slytherin

Author's Response: Yes, fashionably late. Or, they were too busy mucking around to bother getting ready on time, which personally I think is more likely. ;) As for paying attention to their dates, though, well they're 15-16 year old boys. Do you really think they'd be inclined to? :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #13, by Eva. 

22nd July 2011:
If Laura had been me, I would have raised my eyebrows, smiled bemusedly (if that's a word) and snorted. Then said: have you been drinking ? Haha. Oh well.

Author's Response: LOL. And a fair response, too! However, her actual reaction was more like her, I thought. Glad you're enjoying this, though, I really appreciate the feedback.

cheers, Mel


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Review #14, by weasleypuff 

4th July 2011:
Great story! Im reading this for my second time, and its is very addicting. Its amazing how Sirius used to overlook Laura but later realizes. What is Mary saying when she says ken
?
'

Author's Response: Hi again! Thanks for the review!

Wow, second time? I'm so flattered. Thank you! But yes, I thought it would be nice to show how someone's opinon of someone else can change so dramatically. Glad you enjoyed it!

As for Mary's dialect, "ken" is Scottish slang for "know".

cheers, Mel


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Review #15, by girly1393 

5th June 2011:
Ooh, the summary is starting to come into play!

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: Teehee. I am fond of that summary, and it's not too far into the story that it comes up so you're not waiting too long. Kinda nice that you picked up on it, because not everyone does. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #16, by theelderwand 

19th August 2010:
The never-ending Snape/James war is really well done here. I can't say as I blame James for wanting to hex snivelus to hampshire though; That said, I thought your wrote the scene brilliantly.

I thought the descriptions of everyone's dress for the ball was quite good - don't give me any grief for being a bloke who's not supposed to notice that kind of thing.

That said, I really liked this:

"... on the verge of ordering our meals when everything stopped suddenly and all heads spun to the doors of the hall, where James and Sirius had made their appearance. Fashionably late, they walked in as though they owned the place, and well they might have, the way they looked. Even the staff stopped what they were doing to watch."

Nothing like making an entrance. Excellent.

And, then the big moment, Sirius asking Laura to dance. Gotta see what happens next. I'll be back!

Eldy

Author's Response: Hi again! I'm very pleased that you think I'm doing the James/Snape war justice because it was something that had to be covered yet had the potential to go completely out of control and into bad-cliche-ville. Of course, having it from the POV of an outsider does help, but it was still a danger that I wanted to avoid. There are far too many stories out there where all James does is moon over Lily, play Quidditch and hex Snape, and I felt there was so much more to him than that.

And yes, making an entrance. Had to be done, don't you think? Two 16 yo boys who are used to having the school fall at their feet would really enjoy something like that, I think. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #17, by In The Shadows I Dwell 

17th August 2010:
I'm interested to see where this is going, although I must say the very idea of the Yule Ball excites me and the detail you've placed into you chapters is simply amazing. It's like reading another of the Harry Potter books themselves. The depth in each chapter is just so splendid. I also like the progression in the friendships between the Gryffindor girls, slowly it seems to be coming together and it's realistic and very believable. Well done!

Author's Response: Oh, the Yule Ball. Yet another cliche but as I said in the author note, the plot just wouldn't work without it, so it came in. It's overdone, I know, but I couldn't resist. :D

As for the friendships, well I tried to make it gradual and believable rather than having the outsiders suddenly all chummy with the popular kids for seemingly no reason, which is something else that is overly prevalent in fanfics. Believability is my thing - or, one of them - so I'm very pleased you appreciate that.

cheers, Mel


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Review #18, by Capella Black 

14th August 2010:
OK, I'm so excited to see what happens next that I almost didn't leave a review! What is he up to?!

This new plot twist has come completely out of left field, which I really like, and I adore your description of Laura's reaction, which is pretty much exactly what mine would have been if my own school's Sirius had ever asked me to dance. Again, the realism is perfect, without ruining the magic of both the world and the plotline.

The Yule ball in general has so far been really interesting, and I loved the bit about the girl's clothing - it all seemed very Hogwarts appropriate while also being very suitable for the 1970's.

Awesome chapter, but now I must go and find out what's going on with Mr Black!

Author's Response: What is he up to? All is revealed next chapter, as you have now seen. Basically he's being a typical teenaged boy, though I'm very pleased that you thought Laura's reaction was believable. Like you, I think I would have reacted in the exact same way if I was put in that situation.

cheers, Mel


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Review #19, by doglover 

10th August 2010:
there dates seem cute :) i cant wait for the yule ball of 7th year!!!

Author's Response: Ahh, seventh year is a LONG way away at this stage. There's a lot to happen between now and then. However yes, this ball is kinda cute, if for nothing else but the naivete of all the main characters. Glad you liked it!

cheers, Mel


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Review #20, by Ginnyrocks117 

29th July 2010:
Why are they dancing?
And James and Sirius have to pull it down a bit.
They are kind of annoying,
But aren't they always.
I feel bad that the one guy kept stepping on her toes. Lol.
Loved it.

-Ginnyrocks117

Author's Response: Why are they dancing? You'll find out next chapter - for me to reveal that now would be a spoiler. I agree that James and Sirius have to pull it down a bit, but it's right in character for boys of that age I think. As for Hector stepping on her toes, well how many 15 year old boys know how to slow dance? I would have thought that it would have been the norm rather than the exception. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #21, by ericajen 

26th July 2010:
I really like Laura. She's nice and sweet but not boring. I think that's a nice balance to have(: Plus, she actually seems realistic as a person. Sometimes when I'm reading stories I just can't imagine the characters even being real, which can make it hard to get into it. However, I do not have that problem with this story. It's quite easy to believe that the entire thing could actually be real. Very well done, Mel(:

Author's Response: Hi again! And sorry these are taking so long to respond to - I'm going to attempt to make inroads in my unanswereds today so hopefully I can get them back to one page. But that's not what you want to hear about so I'll shut up now :)

Right. I'm glad you like Laura, because if she wasn't likeable then that would take a lot away from my story, I think. I tried to make her relatable and, as you said, realistic, because I too was sick of unbelievable heroines in these stories. Glad you feel the same way!

cheers, Mel


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Review #22, by PrincessPadfoot 

26th May 2010:
hehehe what is Sirius up to??? I hope he doesn't have some plan that ends with Laura getting her heart broken. I like her too much. :)

I love the way you portray James and Severus. Their relationship seems almost natural in the way that they hide it from Lily. I liked that they fought in potions, because it reminds me of how Harry and Malfoy would get into it in potions class.

Overall I think you have something special here!!! I'm hoping on getting another chapter or two done today!! I'm going out of town Friday and won't be back until Tuesday so I probably won't have a chance to read more until Wednesday.

On to chapter 6!!!

Author's Response: Hi again! Thanks for the review!

Hmmm - no, Laura's not going to get her heart broken at this point. Later, perhaps (*grin*) but not now. So you can rest easy on that score.

I'm very pleased that you like my characterisations because a lot of work went into those, including the James/Snape relationship. And I probably was influenced by the Harry/Malfoy relationship when I was writing it so that's a good pickup. :)

thanks again, Mel


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Review #23, by siriusrocs 

23rd May 2010:
hey melian...
u hav gt a nice writin style... i admit the story was a bit off at the strt bt now i think its catching pace... lovely writin... jus a bit of advice if u dnt mind... cutt off too much description... tak care a definite 7 fr this story... buh bye

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!

Yes, I admit that the beginning of this story does seem very slow, and I actually re-wrote these early chapters to partially address that, so you can probably imagine what they were like before. But I can promise that it does pick up, it just takes a little while - something to do with the coming-of-age nature of the story. If this was a traditional romance it would start at a different point entirely.

Anyway thanks for struggling through thus far and I hope you keep on reading.

cheers, Mel


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Review #24, by Ronsgirl29 

10th January 2010:
Oooh great outfit descriptions! I can really picture how they all look. I wish Lily would warm up to James! but i guess its nice she went with snape, even if he is a creeper. and o lala Sirius just asked Laura to dance! off to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Hi again!

Oh, I'm glad you liked the dress descriptions. To be honest I had awful trouble writing those because I'm one of those people who doesn't really give a rats what people wear, but for a ball I thought I should make some sort of effort, so I'm thrilled that you appreciate that. As for Lily and James, well canon says they got together in seventh year so you've got a while there until she's required to open up to him. However if you keep reading you'll see how I have interpreted that relationship.

cheers, Mel


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Review #25, by ochalke5 

3rd January 2010:
Oh my god... I did not see that coming. Next chapter next chapter!!!
natalie

Author's Response: Hi Natalie!

Yes, it was a bit of a surprise for most people I think, Laura included. But it was necessary for the story so it happened. Glad you liked it though :D

cheers, Mel


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