45 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MRpadfootandprongs 

3rd January 2017:
Elvira reminds me of someone I used to know
really liked this chapter

Author's Response: Yes, I think a lot of people know an Elvira, of sorts. She's exaggerated, of course, but so much fun to play with as a character. ;p
cheers Mel

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Review #2, by Dinthemidwest 

3rd August 2016:
I say fine with the Yule Ball! Good story & enjoyable chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! It's a stretch, I know, but I just couldn't make Sluggy's part work for me in the way I wanted it to. Thanks for the vote of confidence. :D
cheers Mel

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Review #3, by TAHA 

28th October 2015:
I myself think that the addition of the Yule Ball was a really good

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I know it's a stretch but it was the only way the plot I had in mind would work. I appreciate the support :D

cheers Mel

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Review #4, by Emily1990 

18th September 2014:
The Yule Ball was always held in conjunction with the Triwizard Tournament. When the tournament was consider too dangerous and consequently stopped, so was the Yule Ball.

Author's Response: Yes, I know. I know it's a stretch, but as I"ve said to others I couldn't get Sluggy's Christmas party to work for me in the same way. NOt strictly canon, but I'm appropriating it for my story. THanks for the feedback though!

cheers Mel

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Review #5, by nott theodore 

7th July 2014:

I actually don't mind stories that include the Yule Ball in them as long as it's not always just used as a way to get everyone together instantly and transform the protagonist into a swan and surprise everyone there, which I don't think this will be. I felt so sorry for James at the beginning of this chapter because even though he does act arrogant, he still really likes Lily and for her to turn him down so harshly has got to hurt, no matter how much he tries to pretend otherwise.

The whole part about the Sirius Black fan club makes me laugh as well. I can imagine it must have been annoying for Martha to deal with - these girls sound a little bit crazy, to be honest! But the revenge that the girls got on them was fantastic, and I love how you shape Lily in this story as well. She's got a real sense of fun rather than just being the traditional boring prefect, and she's not against getting revenge on people - I can see Harry's personality traits in both of his parents here and I really like this characterisation of them!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Sian! Thanks for the feedback!

Protagonists getting together? No. Extreme makeover? No. So it looks like I'm passing your Yule Ball test, which is a relief. :)

YEs I felt for James a little too here, but his timing really was atrocious. Fifteen year old boys don't always have the best judgement with that sort of thing, I find. As for the fan club, well it's probably a little extreme but it was SO much fun to write! Elvira took on a life of her own, she's hilarious. ;p As for Lily, well I really don't think James as JKR portrayed him would have fallen for a boring straight-laced prefect, do you?

cheers, Mel

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Review #6, by Pretense Of Perfection 

6th July 2014:
Out of curiosity, did you have a bets for this story? No reason I'm asking in particular, just wondering.

I love the second paragraph, first line, where you talk about the student's reactions to the Yule Ball. You captured teenage years and school perfectly with the line about the girls being excited, and how the boys would rather ask Peeves. It made me crack up.

I also like how you described Slughorn's parties through Lily, even thought Laura obviously wasn't there. You didn't go into too much detail, but still managed to keep it interesting. I can totally see everything she described as actually happening at one of those parties.

I did notice a few spelling/grammar/typos/etc, but nothing that a really good beta couldn't weed out and help you with. It really is an enchanting story.

Oh, and I totally remember the days of crazy strict canon police, but it's your story. While I understand the explanation, I'm glad you didn't apologize, because you wrote what was best for you and your plot. Great job!!

--- House Cup 2014 Review ---
Pretense Of Perfection, Gryffindor

Author's Response: Spelling and grammar points? Please point them out to me because I was pretty proud of getting those all - or at least mostly - right for this fic. Thanks!

Other than that, I'm glad you think I got the teenaged reaction to a school dance right - the girsl are excited, the boys aren't. Also pleased you liked the after-the-fact description of Sluggy's party, whcih I think would have been a scream but my heroine wasn't influential enough to be invited to.

cheers, Mel

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Review #7, by dachshund_lover 

16th March 2014:
Okay, I have a few things to say about this story so far.

I found Mary's dialogue hard to read and naturally wanted to skim over it. I get that she is Scottish and really talks like that, but that didn't make it easier to read.

So far there has been too much gossip and drama. The obsession with social standing has made seem like early high school all over again. I guess 14 and 15 year old girls tend to be like that, but it was still annoying how much value was placed on appearances.

I liked that Mary and Laura weren't the most beautiful girls. I hate it when authors make the main character beautiful, but oblivious to it. I just feel like too much emphasis is placed on it. I'm guessing later in the story, making them not as obviously beautiful as the other girls will add to the story, but as of now, not so much

The Sirius fan club just annoys me so much. I can understand many different girls liking him, but I doubt it would go this far.

These first few chapters just bring me back to my early high school years (in America, you would be 14 or 15 at this time). So much drama and the divide of pretty girls who are obsessed with boys and makeup and the others who are either jealous, or don't care.

It seems like Laura and Mary are believed to be inferior to the three girls. I hope later in the story, they realize this is not true. I also hope one of the messages from the story deals with this.

I feel like the rest of the book will involve popularity and appearance, which is incredibly petty and dull to read. From reading the Harry Potter series, this kind of stuff was in it, but not the focus of the whole book. While I have only read 4 chapters, it is likely the whole book will carry on in a similar way.

I hope your future books will be different in this regard. I am sure this is just intro to characters and plot, but right now, the characters are described only by superficial traits and I don't care to read more at the moment. In the future if have time, I might come back and give it one more chance, because if my some of my comments have been proved wrong from the future chapters, I really apologize. I have been on a HPFF reading spree and don't have much patience for books that don't begin in a way I like.

Also, I have a question. Does Dione Turpin have anything to do with Mrs. Turpin from "Revelation"? She is a character from a short story and I was wondering if she was based off of her.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!

Mary's speech. I know it's hard to read. In fact, revisiting this fic 5 years later even I'm struggling a little, so in my revised version soon to be posted on AO3 it's been toned down a little. NOt got rid of, because I am rather fond of it, but toned down. :)

Too much gossip and drama? What do you expect with 15 year old girls? At least, that's what my peers were obsessed with when I was that age. Besides, what else is there at a boarding school but gossip and drama about the other students. At least, that's how I see it - but if you disagree that's your right. :)

Fan club - well, again, your opinion. I had so much fun writing them that they are definitely staying put. But I appreciate you have a different view.

As for the rest of the story being about popularity and appearance - well, I don't think it is, but then again it's likely you and I see things differently. Should you choose to read on youi can make up your own mind about that. If not, well thanks for reading this far.

AS for Dione Turpin, well I"ve never heard of Revelation or Mrs Turpin so there's no connection there. I just picked a surname from canon and a first name to go with it and went from there.

cheers, Mel

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Review #8, by Britt 

1st April 2013:
Had to read through the reviews to figure out why but. April Fools really confused me! There were a lot of bunny rabbits, frogs, eyebrows, and garden sheds in this chapter. Lol
Otherwise, I loved it!

Author's Response: Yes, a few people got confused with the April Fools changes. Glad you coudl get past it and enjoy the story. Thanks for the review!

cheers, Mel

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Review #9, by dramione_love 

19th January 2013:
actually the Yule Ball is part of the Triwizard Tournament and it hasn't been held in maybe a century...more or less until in GoF soo the Yule Ball is not some regular ball

Author's Response: Yes, yes, I know. However, it was the only thing I could use for my plot (Slughorn's Christmas party just wouldn't fit like I needed it to) so I gave myself some poetic licence. Sure, it's not really canon, but I hope you'll forgive this one lapse.

cheers, Mel

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Review #10, by Sophie!! 

28th December 2011:
i have just finished 4 chapters and i am letting you know that i think you write really well and the story is coming alomg nicely:) I AM A MASSIVE HARRY POTETR FAN and i have read to many fan fictions:) but i was really interested in this one because the persepective was from laura not lily so it was idfferent for a change. when you write about lily you make her seem so popular and stuff but the others make her seem heaps quiter. I cant wait to see what happens :) thankyou love sophiee

Author's Response: Hi Sophie! Thanks for the review! And I'm SO sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to it. I'm a year behind at the moment and trying desperately to catch up.

Anyway, I'm glad you like my story so much. I know that you do more reviews later on so thank you for staying with it, as I'm aware it takes a while to get going. I'm glad you like my characterisations, too, as that is something that everyone does a little differently.

cheers, Mel

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Review #11, by singer123 

12th December 2011:
The story is very nice..
Since all the fanfics i have read are usually form james's or lily's point of view..
A common hogwarts student's point of view..
Quite interesting!

Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted to have my main character one of the ordinary Hogwarts students - of course, not so ordinary once you get to know her, but easily overlooked - and this was what came out. Glad you like it!

cheers, Mel

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Review #12, by 10PointsFromSlytherin 

22nd November 2011:
I always thought the Yule Ball was only held because of the TriWizard Tournament, but I like the way you've fit the SlugClub in... I've always wanted to be in the SlugClub... since GoF. Anyways, I thought I'd might, yet again say, this is addictive...

Author's Response: You are absolutely right,the Yule Ball was only held because of the Triwizard Tournament. However, I needed something like that in order for my plot to work, so I included it. From memory there's nothing in canon that says it DIDN'T happen ... or, at least, that's my excuse! :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #13, by classicblack 

2nd October 2011:
Yule Ball was an interesting touch... I'll see where you go with it before making forming an opinion. Otherwise, well done. I like the fan club idea!
Until next chapter,

Author's Response: I do apologise for the Yule Ball, there just wasn't any other way I could think of to make my plot work. But yeah, I admit, cliched. Hope you don't mind how I use it. :D

As for the fan club, well it seemed too good an idea to miss. I was just expanding on what JKR did to Harry in his sixth year, and as a plot device it's hard to go past.

cheers, Mel

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Review #14, by Ivypool 

12th September 2011:
How old is Slughorn? Old enough to be the students professor?

Author's Response: Slughorn was a teacher in the time of Tom Riddle, which means he also taught McGonagall. I think he was about the same age as Dumbledore, give or take a decade or so. So yes, to answer your question, he was definitely old enough to be a professor during the Marauder era. :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #15, by alicia and anne 

4th August 2011:
I love the idea of a yule ball! any excuse to read a bit of dancing and flirting! :-p I can't wait to read it!
Is it bad that I would totally be a member of the fan club (especially Sirius's)? I love how you said how the fan club came about and how obsessed they seem to be with Sirius and James, I bet they secretly love it!
The mention of Slughorns parties were a nice touch and I'm glad that you included them, it's nice to see that the minister went to one.

alicia and anne

Author's Response: Ah, the Yule Ball. I didn't want to include it because it does stretch canon a little (and is completely cliched, hahaha), but the way the plot formed in my head it was impossible not to. So it's in. Glad you like it! *breathes sigh of relief* As for Slughorn's parties, well they were (a) canon and therefore I wanted to include them, and (b) an opportunity to include a bit of extra humour, and who doesn't want that? :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #16, by Debra20 

1st August 2011:
Oh, I could never get bored while reading your story! Your describe everything so well, with so much vividness that even the less significant events are a pleasure to read. If this is how you created your introductory chapters, I cannot imagine how exciting the rest will be.

I couldn't review this chapter without praising your humour. "Hambledon Quince. I think he was getting annoyed that people weren't paying him enough attention, so he cast Sonorus on himself..." - this was deliciously amusing! I literally burst out laughing imagining it. Everyone's faces, their reactions. Priceless! It feels real. Nothing forced, just to be there. Too often situations like these happen in real like - apart from the Sonorus effect that is :P

Author's Response: HI Debra! And sorry it's taken me so long to get to this ... the reviews kind of pile up during Review Fest, I'm afraid.

Anyway. So pleased you're still enjoying this, as not a lot is really happening (says she who wrote it. Sigh). Hambledon Quince, though, well he was just too good to ignore, don't you think? JKR invented him (I can't take credit there), but I really enjoyed throwing him into the mix. Glad it came off! :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #17, by Lillylover22 

6th July 2011:
haha loved lilys revenge on sirius' fan club. 9/10 =]

Author's Response: Oh, I"m pleased you liked that. Lily herself enjoyed it immensely, I'm sure. :) I don't necessarily think that Lily was the goody-two-shoes that a lot of people make her out to be, and this is supposed to be a demonstration of that.

cheers, Mel

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Review #18, by girly1393 

5th June 2011:
Haha, the Slug Club. And Sirius' fan girls are kind of terrifying.

Haha, I wonder if they would buy "Team Jacob Black" t-shirts and make them say, "Team Sirius Black" instead.

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: Oh, don't get me started on the "Team ..." T-shirts. But yes, I suspect that if Elvira had thought of it, she could well have gone with that idea. Just be thankful she didnt! :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #19, by Zaphiie 

20th August 2010:
Whoo :D Good chapter. I think your reasoning for the Yule Ball is absolutely sound - for all we know it might as well have fit with canon.

Author's Response: Thank you! I did try to work the plot without it but it just wasn't agreeing with me, so it had to stay. And most people have forgiven me its inclusion - like you said, we don't know enough about Marauder era to say definitively that it WASN'T part of things. It probably wasn't, I'll admit that, but I needed it for the story so I kept it. :D

cheers, Mel

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Review #20, by theelderwand 

19th August 2010:
"Lily glared at him. 'And you, of course, being irresistible, cant think how I might possibly not want to go with you? You're an arrogant, pig-headed, bullying toerag who thinks that because he's a pretty boy with money he can get away with anything. You know, if the Bloody Baron asked me to the ball, I think I'd take him over you.' "

OUCH! Jeez, Evans, cut the boy a bit of a break. Yikes! Lets just say I'm relating to Prongs and Padfoot here (that is with regard to his fanclub problems - ugh!), just a bit, Nonetheless, wonderfully written.

I thought this was a wonderfully "JKRish" flourish:

"...Hambledon Quince, who had publicly spouted a theory that wizards come from Mars and Muggles from mushrooms."

As to the Yule Ball, I have no problem accepting that it used to be a more regular occurence. However, I do understand your need to "beg forgiveness" in an author's note. Some of the "canon nazi's" out here really need to get a life.

A solid chapter.


Author's Response: Right. First things first - I can't take credit for that description of Hambledon Quince - it sounds like JKR because it IS JKR. That bit is canon - I think he was on a Famous Wizard card or something on her website, and you'll find that quote in the Lexicon.

Anyway, on to the rest of it. Yes, Lily was unnecessarily harsh, but that was the only way she had of dealing with it at that time. She wasn't ready for the question and her immediate reaction was to be defensive and lash out. Not nice, but typical for a 15yo girl I think.

And thank you for forigiving me the Yule Ball. Like I said, the plot just wouldn't work without it - I tried to get Sluggy's Xmas party to do the trick but I couldn't manipulate the circumstances enough so the ball it had to be. Yes, there are some canon nazis out there who jump down people's throats, but I've been lucky enough that pretty much everyone has forgiven me this one transgression.

cheers, Mel

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Review #21, by In The Shadows I Dwell 

17th August 2010:
Sirius has a fanclub!? Why was I not invited? I joke, that would of course be typical. Apparently he was rather good looking. I was interested to read about the Slug Club during those days. It seemed slightly more interesting (if that is at all possible) than the one we know from Harry's time at Hogwarts. I also like this side of Lily, one who plots against others for her friends, the spells do sound rather entertaining and well performed if I do say so myself. The writing for this story is simply splendid, I'm really enjoying reading this story!

Author's Response: Hahaha. Yes, Sirius has a fanclub, which was one of the cliches I chose to use for this story. (Though I do get annoyed when fics mention a fanclub at the start and then don't have them in the rst of the story - if you want him to have a fanclub, you have to follow through with it. Sorry, rant over.)

As for the Slug Club, well it had to be covered and I tried to find some interesting guests for it as we know that Sluggy tried to impress his students with famous people that he knew. As for Lily, well JKR has said she was feisty and a bit like Ginny, so I never really buy those stories that make her a Hermione clone. Would James have gone for that, really? :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #22, by shayrocks50 

15th August 2010:
i had the yule ball in one of my storys too. it was held every two years at the potter mansion.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!

Yes, the Yule Ball comes up in a lot of fanfiction, so while it's not really canon to have it more often than for the tri-wizard tournament, it seems to be reasonably well accepted as extra-canon. For that reason I'm hopeful that people will forigve me this transgression because it really was the only way I could make my plot work.

cheers, Mel

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Review #23, by Capella Black 

14th August 2010:
I'm more than happy with the reasoning behind a Yule Ball being held, particularly given the realistic description of people's attitudes towards it - once again our narrator gives us her own unique take on things, noticing both the younger students and boys' lack of interest, and the older girls' excitement.

And ooh, Sirius and Martha broke up! Can't say I'm sad about that, as the relationship didn't exactly seem deep and the resultant pranking was awesome! Bad Lily!

Severus and Lily going to the ball together, huh? Well, that can't possibly end well. On that note, off to read more - it's just too good!

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thanks for forgiving me the Yule Ball - I just couldn't get my plot to work any other way. I did TRY Sluggy's party but there was no way it would fit with the parameters I'd set. So the ball it was. I did try though, as you saw, to try to be realistic about how people would regard such an event, so I'm glad you liked that.

Also very pleased that you liked Lily's wicked streak rearing its head. We know she had one, I just had to show it a few times. :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #24, by doglover 

10th August 2010:
i like that you added the yule ball.

Author's Response: Hi again!

You actually like it? Most people just forgive me for it but point out how un-canon it actually is. I just couldnt' get my plot to work without it so it had to be included. :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #25, by Ginnyrocks117 

29th July 2010:
I can't wait tell the ball!
I hope it will be amazing!
I can't believe there broken up.
But I can't blame her for it. :P
Loved it!


Author's Response: I think there are always going to be short relationships and breakups when people are of this age. It's almost a rite of passage. But yeah, they broke up, and Martha wasn't brokenhearted in the slightest.

As for the ball, well that's coming up. And that's all I'll say there.

cheers, Mel

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