52 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore 

7th July 2014:
Hi again!

I love the way that you write the Marauders in this story and their friendship as well. Their friendship is probably one of my favourite things about reading this era so it's great when writers understand how important it is and show that in plot of the story. I like the fact that Peter isn't just left on the sidelines, either, because that happens all too often, so it was great seeing him taking part in their activities here. It feels very in character that they'd take revenge on Avery after the Dodderidge incident because they're the sort of people who want to protect those weaker than them. I'm glad that the revenge attack from the Slytherins didn't work but things like that are only going to breed bad blood. The dynamics of the friendship were well written too, like the way that Lupin couldn't control his friends, which is mentioned in canon.

Another thing I liked was the characterisation of Snape in this. I'm not his biggest fan but I think that it would be hard for the other Gryffindors to have any understanding of why Lily still remains friends with him, but he's a link to home and childhood for her. His reactions are very extreme, though, and I think it's good to build up already to the incident at the end of the year!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: I love the Marauders. You can probably tell, of course, but yeah, I really love them. I agree that their friendship is such a key to this era that it needs to be shown - even Peter. ;p I firmly believe that James would have taken revenge, as there is so much canon saying how much he hated the Dark Arts.

As for Snape, well I don't like him at all. I'm happy to admit that. However I wanted to keep his friendship with Lily believable during fifth year so I tried to make him at least a little sympathetic in her eyes. But yes, definitely extreme reactions, though in this sense I think it was protectiveness about Lily.

cheers, Mel

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Review #2, by Pretense Of Perfection 

3rd July 2014:
I honestly can't remember if I've read this or not, but since I didn't leave any reviews on the first few chapters, I'll guess not.

Intriguing story so far! It's definitely sucked me in.

I like Laura so far, she seems pretty down to earth and level headed, which is always nice. Mary is awesome as well, although her accent is a bit much at times.

Sirius and James behave almost exactly how I would imagine them too. I like the fact that Lily is a bit mischievous, especially towards James. Snape is portrayed as kind of creepy, and despite being one of my favorite characters, I can pretty much see him doing all of these things. So yeah, your canon characterization is spot on.

I think at times, when you go off on explanations of certain things, like in chapter one of Laura's backstory, or in this chapter about her reading the paper, sometimes I sort of forget that isn't the actual here and now of the story. I guess less is more sometimes? It's very well written, just a little "wordy" maybe? I have this same struggle, I'll take three paragraphs to describe the weather sometimes.

But still amazing! I can totally see why this won a Dobby. Can't wait to finish it!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!

Yes, I know this is pretty wordy. I'm in the process of cutting it down and posting it elsewhere in an attempt to cut a lot of that out, though I admit I'm not cutting as much as I could. Sigh. This is my baby, after all. HOwever, yeah, I totally get where you're coming from with that.

As for my characterisations, I'm very flattered so thank you! I worked pretty hard on it to try to get the voices of the canon characters the same as JKR had them, so it's nice to have people appreciate that. And yeah, I definitely think LIly would have been a bit mischievous when it came to James. :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #3, by HomeAtHogwarts 

26th April 2014:
Hi, I'm rereading this story and just caught the heart-breaking phrase from Laura to Mary (about Bea)"I swear she'll be the death of me." :'(

I really love your story and style of writing, you're to blame for at least a days worth of procrastination from exams! I agree that you had to end the story like that, but am so glad that you published those 'behind the scenes' chapters.

There was one thing that caught my mind (this is the wrong place and a few years too late to point it out) but when Sirius and Laura are in the forest you mentioned they were surrounded by crocuses but it was after Easter break. Even in Scotland (where I live) the crocuses are gone by then, daffodils or early bluebells you could get away with though.
Thank you so much (although if I fail my exams, I know who to blame...)

Author's Response: Yeah, I love that line too. Sorry!! *smiles wickedly*

And I'm very sorry I took you from your exam revision - I hope you passed!

Thanks for the comment about crocuses - I'll have to edit that. I think I thought it would be okay because (and memory is a little hazy here) in the original books they were out at about that time, but if you live there you certainly know what's flowering and what's not. Thanks for the tip!

cheers Mel

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Review #4, by Me 

22nd July 2013:
This is my favorite fanfiction. I am rereading it now.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! I really appreciate the feedback.

cheers Mel

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Review #5, by Isabelle Bonnard 

10th February 2013:
This fan fiction is so much better than the others. Author, please write about Harry's time period; I'd love that!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so pleased you're enjoying it. And I have just started a novel set in Harry's era, specificallly telling the story of Neville's seventh year. If you want to have a look at it, it's called Year of the Snake. Thanks for the feedback!

cheers, Mel

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Review #6, by JustanotherHarryPotterfan3816 

24th November 2012:
Of course you are getting better! This chapter is amazing! Oh..Who am I kidding. Your whole story is amazing! I love it! Totally deserves a 10/10!

Author's Response: Thank you! These early chapters were reviewed when the story was about half posted, so that's what the author notes are about. Maybe I should go back and revise them to prevent any misunderstandings.

cheers, Mel

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Review #7, by Elizajane 

22nd June 2012:
Ahh! I caught the foreshadowing now that it's my 2nd time through. "I swear, sometimes I think that girl is going to be the death of me." :'(

Author's Response: Teehee. I love that bit, but no one ever picks up on it on the first reading. Perhaps this is somethign I should be proud of. :D

cheers, Mel

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Review #8, by diversrock 

14th May 2012:
Loving this, but please sort Mary out! I live in the Highlands and nobody speaks like that! Even the Glasgae accent isn't like that...

Author's Response: The funny thing about that accent is the absolutely conflicting feedback I've had on it. I've had Scottish people congratulate me on how accurate the accent is (and even try to work out where Mary is from), and others (like you) telling me I got it horribly wrong; and I've had the same responses from English people. I suspect it's a matter of how you read it and how familiar you are with the various accents. Thanks anyway.

cheers, Mel

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Review #9, by Critic 

15th April 2012:
Reading a Scottish accent gets tired very quickly.

Author's Response: I understand how you can feel that way. I also understand, though, that it gets easier the more you read. Thanks for giving it a go though.

cheers, Mel

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Review #10, by prettylittleliar 

14th January 2012:
Since I've already read the story once before, then I may be reading it now with a different perspective than I had the first time, noticing things that are just little hints to what happens in other chapters. Quick question: What is the spell finite incantatem? I can't remember but you seem to use it to undo spells in other chapters as well, so what exactly is the spell for?
I thought that the fight with the Slytherins on the stairs was well done, but seemed a little unfair. I know it helps to show that some students are more skilled than others and magical ability isn't just black and white, but I thought that at least Snape would have been able to hold his own a little better in this fight. Otherwise a great scene. With the homework that they are set, do you come up with all the names by yourself or do you get them from somewhere else. Because they all seem like believable homework questions for Hogwarts students. In any case you've definitely done your research well enough to make everything in your novel seem totally believable. I really liked the line: "And we all know how much people like us to touch them." I thought that it seemed very Sirius to say something like that.
When I was reading the story for the first time, at this point I was still struggling with Mary's accent, trying to understand what she was saying half the time. I think it would have really put me off this story if I hadn't loved it so much. It really made her who she was and I enjoyed reading it that way, I just wished that I could have less of a struggle with it.
I love the way that you portray Snape's relationship with Lily, you show his obsession with her really well, along with the fact that Lily is completely oblivious to possessive nature towards her. Overall I think it's a pretty good chapter and you can definitely see the story taking shape in this chapter in a way that wasn't visible in the other 2 which were more about background information to the story.

Author's Response: Finite Incantatem is the anti-spell, the spell stopper. JKR uses it in the canon a few times. If you want to end a spell that is currently in play, you would use
Finite Incantatem. Make sense? I hope so. :D

With the Snape thing on the stairs, well maybe it was just a bad day for him. Remember too that they're all still only 15 and have a long way to go in actual spell-fights. Maybe he was trying something but got out of his depth, or maybe he just wasn't thinking properly. To be honest, it's a very long time since I wrote it ( and since I've read it) so I don't actully remember what I was thinking at the time. Sorry.

cheers, Mel

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Review #11, by Gigi 

2nd January 2012:
OhMyGod the Mary accent is killng me!! Like I this paragraph where Mary was talking a lot I couldnt bare to read it. It's so irritating, and excruciatingly painful. Please fix. I gave up in the middle of the paragraph. Other than that, EXCELLENT job. I truly loove it.

Author's Response: Again, sorry, but it's not going to be changed. I can only hope you try to persevere. In any case, I'm glad you like the story other than that. :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #12, by Wingo Starr 

2nd January 2012:
While this chapter is not boring, it doesn't really captivate me and I must admit Mary's accent is incredibly irritating to read.

Author's Response: I understand. It does take some getting used to, and I've had a lot of mixed feedback on it. I like it, though, and in a 300,000 word story it would be WAY too much hassle to go back and change it all, so it's staying. I've also been told that the more you read the easier it gets, so if you choose to persevere then I believe it would become more readable for you.

cheers, Mel

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Review #13, by 10PointsFromSlytherin 

22nd November 2011:
Why so negative on your author's notes? I'm loving all the jinxing, and the relationship between Snape And Lily is really beggining to become profound, I love it!

Author's Response: Again, sorry about the ANs. *makes note to go in and fix them when she has time* Glad you're enjoying the story regardless, though!

cheers, Mel

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Review #14, by classicblack 

2nd October 2011:
Great job! I like how you incorporate the Marauder pranks and Snape's possesiveness of Lily. This is one of the few stories I've read that doesn't begin with their last year and it's quite refreshing. Well done!
Until next chapter,

Author's Response: Yes, I wanted to start this story in fifth year, in part because that's when almost all the canon we have about the Marauder era comes from. It seemed a waste not to include it when I could, so fifth year it was. The other (and probably more pressing) reason was that I wanted to show the characters' development from the ages of fifteen to eighteen. In any case, I'm glad you appreciate it. :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #15, by alicia and anne 

4th August 2011:
I actually heard Mary's voice in a scottish accent in my head, some words took me a while to get but I got there :-p
I am loving the revenge on Avery, he is such a nasty piece of work. I'm glad he got what was coming to him.
I'm also liking the way you write Sirius/Lily it's very realistic, and the way you have the girls interacting with the marauders.
Can't wait to read more! This story is just fantastic!

alicia and anne

Author's Response: You know, I've had a lot of feedback about Mary's accent, including someone who read about 35 chapters and then gave up because they couldn't understand it. Mostly, though, people say it's hard at first but then gets easier, like you found. I know it's strong but I wanted her to be Scottish - after all, when you're given a name like Mary Macdonald, how can she not be?

cheers, Mel

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Review #16, by Debra20 

22nd July 2011:
I don't mind in the slightest that it's a coming of age novel, and that the plot takes a while to start off. We already know so much about the Marauders in action, while fighting, so I always find it fascinating to read more about their 'quieter' moments as well. Their interactions with others in school, classes, etc.

I love the fact that even as early as chapter three you feed the readers with tiny, yet well placed details that will surely ensue conflict, later on. Like Snape and Lily's row, or like the Marauders confrontation with Avery, the humiliation they put him through. That's bound to come back one day!

Another aspect I enjoyed is your portrayal of Snape. Even though my imagination ran wild and imagined some kind of monster watching Lily with greed, while licking his lips (how silly is that?), I have to admit that you do him well. The almost desperate, possessive need he has of her, the way he acts in her presence, seem so natural and in character. I think I read somewhere that you don't particularly like him, and if that's true, you're not giving yourself away! :D

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

While I won't comment on what may or may not play out later in the story, I'm really pleased that you're appreciating the little details for now because that was important to me when I wrote the story - I wanted to have those details in there to set the scene for later on. I'm also very pleased that you like my version of Snape - you're right in that I don't like him (that wasn't a pure love he had for Lily, it was a selfish and obsessive love) but I did try to portray him as I thought JKR wanted him to be written. Thank you!

cheers, Mel

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Review #17, by Lillylover22 

6th July 2011:
snape creeps me out to sometimes. 9/10 =]

Author's Response: Yes, he is a bit creepy, isn't he? Glad I got that across - I don't think he would have been a particularly attractive character at school, no matter what Lily thought.

cheers, Mel

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Review #18, by girly1393 

5th June 2011:
Haha, gotta love this sneaky, mischievous Lily. I really do, I mean. She is definitely clever and snarky, and I think her blindness to Snape, while irritating, is endearing.

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: Yes, I thought that Lily had to have a mischievous side. Otherwise, Slughorn would never have referred to her as feisty, and I really don't think James would have gone for a goody-two-shoes with such dedication. She had to have that wicked side too. Very pleased you agree with me on that! :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #19, by Pingo 

26th May 2011:
I've seen your story on the list of best of hpff and I wanted to read it, but I had to stop three sentences into this chapter. It's not because it's a bad story. Not at all! But it annoys me endlessly that you put Mary's accent into writing. It's hard to read and understand and you have to pause every time you read her lines, which I don't have the patience for frankly.

So it's not that the story is not good, so if you once have a time to edit out the parts where Mary speaks and make it ordinary English, I'll return to read your story! :)
Sorry though!


Author's Response: Hi! thanks for the review!

I'm sorry you had trouble with Mary's accent. I've had readers say that before but in almost all cases they found it much easier to read the further they went along, and in all honesty I can't imagine Mary without it. So I'm sorry but a re-write isn't on the cards at the moment, and even if it was I wouldn't have time to do it anyway.

Thanks in any case for giving my story a try and if you do decide to do another attempt at a later date I hope you get further along.

cheers, Mel

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Review #20, by long_live_luna_bellatrix 

23rd April 2011:
Well I'm slow, but I'm still here! I must have read that first paragraph a dozen times before having a moment to sit down and read more than that. I think whenever I click on this story the phrase "following the Avery/Dodderidge incident" will pop to mind. :P

Chapter three is a comfortable chapter. For me, it feels like the quiet before the storm. It's a lot of every day things from life at Hogwarts, yet also planting seeds of potential tension all over the place. Chapter one was the getting-to-know-you chapter, chapter two was background-info-galore, and here things are slowly getting rolling. What should you take out of that ramble? Well, I like it. Once I got past the Avery/Dodderidge incident, it was a quick read.

One thing I noticed was that the professors come off as extremely spacey this chapter: It takes even Dumbledore two hours to undo the couplet spell, the staff is unable to keep the suits of armor in order, and Kettleburn is oblivious for quite some time. I suppose they're preoccupied, what with the growing war and all.

One detail I like is this: "the Obliviators are going from place to place without even knowing who they have to modify the memory of or what's happened this time." It seems quite reasonable, and realistic considering the state of the Ministry throughout the books.

"Oddly enough Dumbledore had refused to allow a real Dementor to be brought to class." Really? Oddly enough? Sounds pretty sensible to keep a soul-sucking creature away from the fifth years, if you ask me. ;)

Hmm, what else did I make notes on... Oh, yes. The spelling of Hallowe'en. Seems not to have been a mistake, because it was spelled that way twice, but I've never seen that apostrophe before. Is it a British thing?

Ok, six nit-picky paragraphs seems to be enough. All in all, I enjoyed it. Your characters are likable as well as canon where necessary, realistic where not. I'll keep moving slowly onward. Hope you and the baby are well!

Author's Response: Sarah! FINALLY I can post this response. I'm only sorry it took so long. :(

Anyway. I'm glad you liked this one, I'm rather fond of it though I'm not really sure why. Then again it's so long since I wrote it that I probably have to give it another read to remember what's in it :D

As for the professors, well Kettleburn is supposed to be spacey - that's really how I see him, as the eccentric muddle-headed professor. Dumbledore is of course busy with the war and therefore a little distracted at times; as for the suits of armour, well I wanted that class to be on the ground floor and needed a reason, so maybe a Trelawney equivalent was put in charge of trying to fix that mess. In any case it suited the story and I didn't give it a lot of thought, I'm afraid.

With the "oddly enough", well that was intended to be ironic. Laura can be rather sarcastic at times in her narrative and this is one instance of that - maybe it wasn't as clear as I thought it was. But yeah, totally with you in that Dementors shouldn't be brought to a class of untrained fifth years, and we all know Dumbledore's opinion on them as well so that would make it doubly unlikely that they'd be allowed in. :)

And Hallowe'en? It might be a UK thing, I'd never really thought about it. I spelled it that way because that's how it's spelled in my (UK) copies of the HP books and I wanted to stay consistent with JKR. I'm guessing that the apostrophe isn't there in the US versions, then! So we can just chalk that down as one of the many differences between the two versions of English, hahaha.

Thanks again for the review, I love reading your thoughts. :)

cheers, Mel

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Review #21, by voldepoo 

4th January 2011:
I love Mary's scotish accent allot! It very clever and i can almost hear her saying in. And cogrates for getting a Dobby.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review!

And thanks for saying that you like Mary's accent, because I've had some mixed reviews on that one - some people love it but some hate it and I believe some people have even stopped reading my story because of it. I'm kind of fond of it, though, which is why it stayed. Glad you appreciate it!

cheers, Mel

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Review #22, by Zaphiie 

20th August 2010:
Not brilliant? Poppycock (awesome word, that) - this is brilliant. I don't think I've reviewed so far, but I'll try to review every chapter from here onwards, because you deserve it. Your writing is beautiful to read - it flows very well - there are very rarely awkward phrasing or boring sections. You have just the right amounts of everything.

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Zaphiie! I still think these early chapters need yet more work - I revised them all when this story was about half posted - but it's wonderful when new readers think they seem okay regardless. Thank you! I feel much better about it now. :D

cheers, Mel

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Review #23, by theelderwand 

19th August 2010:
The Avery Revenge, as I'll call it, was excellent. Only appropriate that the Marauders were the ones to see that the little stain met justice. But, my favorite part there had to be his attempt to get even and the Marauders' reaction to it.

Perfectly in character to demean the Death Eater wannabes. Hehehe.

Lily/Snape. I really like the way your writing this. Snape as a stalker, Lily turning a blind eye, not letting herself see what's so obvious to others. An excellent touch though having Snape hex that second year that bumped into her accidentally. His doing that and her reaction to it just seemed perfectly in character for them at that stage in their lives.

This could really be JKR's version of the 70's here.

Good stuff.


Author's Response: Yes, good old Avery. There had to be a reason Lily described him as "evil" in the Snape flashbacks in Deathly Hallows, and I thought this would justify that label. As for the boys' response, well it just seemed like something they would do. :)

I've had a few comments on the Lily/Snape dynamic and most of it has been complimentary. Again, I've just given that relationship the attrributes that I felt were most likely given their ages and situations. Having said that, I get a bit of a thrill every time someone says they think I got it right so thank you! *beams*

cheers, Mel

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Review #24, by In The Shadows I Dwell 

17th August 2010:
Such interesting commentary on Snape. He is one of my absolute favorite characters and I must say he has been portrayed to absolute perfection. The line "In my opinion, the boy clearly had difficulty telling the difference between right and wrong." was chilling, perhaps as it rings true in many aspects of his life. In particular his later life when his choices, and inability to truly know right from wrong endanger all he loves most in life. It was a really interesting take on a younger Snape that is for sure, he seems right in character also, which you are to be commended on! Look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: You know, my characterisation of Snape is one thing I was prepared to get a lot of criticism for because I don't like the man at all and I was sure that was going to come out. In any case I think he had a selfish and obsessive love for Lily and I through this would have manifested somehow in their dealings as teenagers, so this was how I chose to demonstrate that. I'm very pleased that you think I got him right if you're a Snape fan, because I did wonder if I was a bit harsh on the boy. Again, thank you!

cheers, Mel

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Review #25, by Capella Black 

14th August 2010:
Reviewer's note: Again, WAS brilliant. Another interesting foray in the world of 1975, and some great development of the Lily-centric love triangle. More and more this is opening up the entire world of the Marauders, with Laura becoming an easily followed narrator, and an intriguing and lovable character in her own right. I adore the way we see things from her view point despite the story not always focussing entirely on her, allowing us to get glimpses of the struggles that the other characters are going through.

Also, congrats on making the war a real part of the times, without letting them completely take over the school's consciousness - people would continue to live their lives, and this chapter shows this really well.

Author's Response: Hi again!

I still think it wasn't brilliant, though it's much better than it was originally. I did a mass revision of these early chapters about a year ago because when I started posting this story the chapters were about 2000 words each, until I realised that was going to give me a fic with 150 chapters which felt too much even for me. So I made them longer, then later went back and consolidated these ones and did a stack of edits on them too. I still think I could do better but now I'm not sure that I can be bothered, hahaha.

In any case, thank you for saying it was okay anyway. And I'm glad you appreciate the way I'm building the story up because there are some who really didn't like how Laura was never PART of anything. Of course, that's because I did that deliberately so I could show her maturing as the story went on, but naturally that's not clear yet.

I'm glad you like the inclusion of the war, too. Too many Marauder fics don't have it, and it's such a key part of their lives as soon as they leave Hogwarts so why would it not be mentioned beforehand? Makes no sense to me. :)

cheers, Mel

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