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118 Reviews Found

Review #1, by M 

26th May 2017:
Please tell me you don't type like that for Mary the whole time

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Review #2, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage 

27th April 2017:
Here for CTF!

I must say that i love the fact that all your characters are so vastly different. I'll admit that I first read this story ages ago, I had major trouble understanding Mary's accent, but having watched Broadchurch and hearing the accent for myself, it all makes perfect sense now and I think you did one excellent job with portraying how exactly she speaks and getting it just down right as well. Major kudos to you there.
The fact that you describe so much of both Bea and Laura also makes it work quite well, especially because you let the viewer show the entire nature of the Gryffindors, and then particularly the Marauders and Lily, from an outsiders point of view. Well, Laura is a Gryffindor, but shes not close with them and that makes it really refreshing to read as it is.
And then the fact that she isn't exceptionally pretty and not good at all kinds of stuff, which makes Laura even more relatable as a character than she otherwise would be. It's a great setup for a story because it also makes you sympathise with her and I couldn't ask more for that in a maincharacter. It's really nice to read and I am very glad you portrayed her that way. Excellent start to a story and I cannot wait to read more!

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Review #3, by Claire Evergreen 

27th April 2017:
Hey! Here for CTF :)

So I've admired this since I first read your work is your writing style. It is so distinct, but at the same time it reads as so normal? I don't think that's coming out right, but I mean that as a really sincere compliment. The way you write is just so you and so distinct to this type of story that it would feel wrong if it were written any other way. The first person extremely detailed inner monologues that give us backstory normally feels kinda clunky and too much for me, but it coupled with what we get of Laura's personality works amazingly together to give this really tight, concise feeling to it.

Gosh, everything is just so wonderfully normal in this story and I definitely know now that I'm not saying this right. But what I mean is you drop us right into the normal, everyday life of these characters and make the reader fill in the blanks for themselves. Even with the detail backstory type stuff we get from Laura, the characters' actions show us more than narration could ever tell us. Your characters are real people with real feelings and real reactions to things. It makes me feel like I'm really inside the story.

I think you know how I feel about this story, but still, I absolutely am in love!

Claire

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Review #4, by AbraxanUnicorn 

26th April 2017:
Hello! I'm here in pursuit of a flag. Do you have it, by any chance?

This is a great introductory chapter. Laura, the protagonist, is off to Hogwarts at the beginning of the school year with her sister, Beatrice. Her sister is starting 7th year and Laura describes herself as two-and-a-half years' younger, so I'm guessing she's a fourth year? It's quite interesting that this story begins in fourth year; usually authors cut straight to the chase and shove us into 6th or 7th year, where the teenage action really hots up. It's a refreshing idea to begin earlier, to be honest.

I love Beatrice's description, and we learn more about her in this chapter than we do about the protagonist. Beatrice sounds like a few people I know; incredibly intelligent and competitive, but socially awkward and unpopular as a result. I wonder if she's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum?

Laura doesn't seem to have much regard for herself when it comes to physical appearance. I did have to laugh at the sentence where strange behaviour at primary school and in muggle society was attributed to being Welsh and from the country!! The poor Welsh (and country folk).

There's so much going on in this chapter, especially with the introduction of so many characters, but you manage this really well, bringing in a few original characters, and the marauders. Poor Peter - he never seems to fare well in fanfiction :(

I struggled a bit to read Mary Mcdonald's dialogue to begin with, but as I got used to it, it became easier.

I can't wait to see where the story goes! I hope the flag is hidden in here somewhere!

Brax X

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Review #5, by quill2parchment 

22nd December 2016:
Great first chapter! I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you found it interesting.
cheers Mel


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Review #6, by AL 

14th September 2016:
Intriguing beginning. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! So pleased you enjoyed it.
cheers Mel


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Review #7, by TidalDragon 

7th August 2016:
Howdy! Believe it or not, I have never read this story despite the fact it's gotten so many recommendations from so many people I trust with this things. I'm here now though and trying to rectify that situation, even though I know you're editing (or contemplating it anyway).

I want to start by saying that I think the characterizations are excellent from the off. You give Laura a distinct voice and a background that makes it easy to accept her as the narrator as well. Though I'm not sure if this was a conscious choice (I think it was...), her half-blood heritage and the details of her upbringing that you described also give you this great extra latitude to explain a lot of what you do, whereas with other characters it would feel like too much telling. On top of that, though I'm not sure if you're from there and thus have an inside track on what Scottish speech reads and sounds like, Mary's dialogue read exactly how I've imagined the accent reading based on hearing it before (and being pathetically unable to capture it in writing myself) and so I thought that deserved a special shout-out.

As an introductory chapter, there wasn't a huge amount going on here plot-wise, but unlike many such chapters from many writers, it was egregiously short nor painfully boring. Even with background and history taking center stage for much of this, your writing bridged the gap, being more prosaic than simple at times, but nevertheless constantly retaining a delightful accessibility.

The two things I did notice that I wanted to comment on from another perspective were: (1) "diffuse" about mid-chapter and (2) the number of students you selected. For the first, I wanted to know legitimately if that spelling is the one you use in the situation described (because here we use "defuse"). Likewise, I was really interested in your rationale for the nine (9) Gryffindors in Laura's year. Was it based on JKR's rather odd canon math and portrayals or something more?

In any event, I thought this was an excellent start and though I've become painfully sluggish at reviewing, I'm hoping I'll get back to read the remainder of this story soon - it deserves every accolade and recommendation it's ever gotten!

Author's Response: Hi Kevin! Thanks for the review!!

Well. Where to start. I think you've hit on why I wanted to make Laura half-blood - it does give me a lot of leeway and besides it's fun to throw in all the Muggle references. :) I'm not from the UK so Mary's accent was a mixture of guesswork and research, but I've had people from Scotland compliment me on it so I must have done something right. That said, in the new version it's toned down a bit - not all of it, but some of it. When I came back to it after 5 years even I was finding it hard to read, hahaha.

YOu are right about diffuse/defuse, and that correction has been made in the new version. Funny thing is I didn't even realise I'd done that! So thank you.

As for the 4 boys in Gryffindor, well that's covered in a later chapter but essentially I figured that, if there was an option for Peter to hang around with someone else, he would have. So, it's just them. It may not be accurate but it's my reasoning, and I haven't seen anything to contradict that - though I haven't delved into all the depths of Pottermore yet so I may have missed something.

cheers, Mel


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Review #8, by Mello George 

30th June 2016:
The way you described the marauders was excellent!! It captured their personalities perfectly. Anyway I have only read the first chapter but it seems great so far

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I"m really glad you're enjoying it.
cheers Mel


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Review #9, by Fugacity 

4th March 2016:
I know I've only read the first chapter, but I rather like the way you expertly captured a Scottish accent for Mary. With a name like McDonald, it would certainly make sense, but honestly few writers I've seen have done such a complete and believable job of capturing how it sounds.

KUDOS!

Author's Response: Well thank you! I've had some differing feedback about Mary's accent but I felt that with that name she needed to be Scottish. It can be a little hard to read I acknowledge, but if yout hink I got it right I'm really thrilled. Thanks!
cheers Mel


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Review #10, by aiko 

27th January 2015:
I love this! AMAZING job... keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
cheers Mel


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Review #11, by XxXEllieXxX 

4th August 2014:
really really well written. Good Job

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
cheers Mel


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Review #12, by nott theodore 

7th July 2014:
Hi there melian! I first read this story a long time ago, before I began leaving reviews, and wanted to rectify that now I have the chance in a house cup event! This story is so brilliant and I definitely understand why so many people love it!

I liked the introduction we got to Laura, your main character in this first chapter. I feel like I know quite a lot about her and the world that she comes from just from this which is great because it made me really like her. Bea is going to make things difficult but I liked the fact that you showed Mary and Laura are quiet but stand up for themselves still, which explains them being in Gryffindor.

The other characters are fantastic too. Because we know so many from canon it isn't overwhelming to read about so many different people in one chapter, but instead I'm intrigued with how it will develop, especially things like the romance between Sirius and Martha you've suggested here, and of course James and Lily as well as what will happen to Laura!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Sian!! I am SO sorry it's taken me so long to get to this, but better late than never, right? I want you to know I did read these at the time (I have been keeping up with reviews but not getting around to responding to them in my absence) and it was a real treat seeing them come through. Thanks so much for this lovely review and I hope to get to the others as soon as I can.
cheers, Mel


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Review #13, by marauderslover15 

12th May 2014:
Finally I got to reading this and I see why it is in the top ten. You wrote the marauders beautifully! And every description, I felt like I was in Laura's head. Mary's speech is a little difficult to read, but realism behind it is really well done & with reading more, I will get use to Mary's speech and read it like it was proper English! ^__^ Ah-mazing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I enjoyed writing this, and I did put a lot of work into getting the settings and characterisations right so it's lovely of you to say so. I understand the difficulties some people had with Mary's accent so in a revised version soon to appear on AO3 that's been toned down a little- but only a little, hahaha. I'm rather attached to it all told. Thanks for the review!
cheers Mel


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Review #14, by Choice 

17th April 2014:
This is the first fanfiction I ever read, and I keep coming back to it. It's hard to say what exactly I love so much about your lovely story, but I think it's the beautiful simplicity of everything from the characters to the plot line and how it fits so perfectly into the wizarding world.

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! That means an awful lot to me, and I'm very glad it stands up to repeated readings. Thanks for letting me know.
cheers Mel


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Review #15, by Dontcopypeople 

18th February 2014:
I saw someone copy this story on another site and it makes me sad that someone would try to copy your story! I hope they take it down because this story I is yours. C:

Author's Response: Really?? Please tell me where if you see it anywhere. I've posted it on fanfiction dot net but that's it so far, though a revised version will soon start appearing on Ao3. I check semi-regularly to see if it's been posted without permission so hopefully I found this one. thanks for letting me know!
cheers Mel


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Review #16, by girl_with_sapphire_eyes 

11th September 2013:
Hi!

I'm probably a bit behind but I saw your story on the top ten page and decided to give it a read.
As a first chapter it's really, really good. I think you've done a fantastic job at introducing all the characters and their personalities. I like how you included Laura's back story at the beginning and not just throwing it in at random points like some author's tend to do.
I love how Laura's originally from Wales. I'm from South Wales myself and get quite patriotic and excited when I see people use it. Wales is definitely not mentioned enough in my biased opinion, haha.
I noticed you have some mixed reviews about your use of accents. Personally I like how you've differentiated Mary's strong Scottish accent. It adds to her character and we see her as Laura would, which includes the way she speaks.
I'll definitely be carrying on reading this so expect more reviews from me, if that's alright haha.

x

Author's Response: Thanks! I think ths chapter drags a bit to be honest but I'm very pleased you enjoyed it.Also glad you liked her being Welsh - so many of these characters just live in London and I found that rather unbelievable.

Sorry this reply is so late but I took a break from the fandom and have only now returned.

cheers Mel


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Review #17, by karsun 

21st February 2013:
okay im just gonna let you know, i've read many fanfics over the years but this is my favorite one i love it so so much

Author's Response: Why, thank you! What a lovely thing to say. :) I'm so pleased you liked my story so much.

cheers, Mel


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Review #18, by Jane Doe 

10th February 2013:
I really like this story!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

cheers, Mel


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Review #19, by dramione_love 

19th January 2013:
omg I love this! haha me and my sister are just like beatrice and lauraa she's older by 2 and a half years,she's in last year, I'm taller than her and we both look alike but not twin-like. Also our hair is just like theirs hers shorter than mine haha I felt identified!
GREAT story :D

Author's Response: That's great that you could identify with my heroine so much. I hope you continue to enjoy the story. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #20, by jillybeans 

13th January 2013:
i really like this (and can see why it earned a dobby already) but i would like it more if mary's dialogue wasn't but in that accent. yes, i understand that she's scottish, but her lines are hard to read. overall, it's very good so far and congratulations on winning the award! you deserved it for all of this hard work!!!

Author's Response: Ah, sorry about Mary's accent. The thing is that I wanted it to be in there, though perhaps I made it a little too strong. After 62 chapters, though, I'm not very keen on going back and changing it all. I'm told it gets easier to understand the more you read, so if you choose to continue you may find it reads better for you.

Thanks for the feedback!

cheers, Mel


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Review #21, by Catherine 

1st January 2013:
This is the 3rd time I read this story and I still love it :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your letting me know, that makes my day. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #22, by Olga 

29th December 2012:
Awesome! Im a keepin a readin

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #23, by Olga 

28th December 2012:
:-) great job! Cant wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you like it. :)

cheers, Mel


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Review #24, by :) 

18th December 2012:
Eh, wanted to read it badly, have wanted for a ļong time but I just can't read those parts in Scottish as I'm not English myself. Really hard for me and slows down my reading. And if I just ignore them, I don't get the story. Eh, poor me. Guess I gotta get a grip and start learning/reading Scottish.

Author's Response: Yes, I'm sorry about that, and I admit that I didn't think of non-English speakers when I wrote Mary's accent. However, in a 300,000 word story I don't really feel the urge to go back and change it all, so it's staying. (Besides, I kind of like it.) I understand that it does get easier the more you read, as well, so if you decide to persevere then it might work out for you. If not, thanks for giving my story a try.

cheers, Mel


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Review #25, by True Author 

13th December 2012:
Hey!
I'm a big fan of the marauders and I always wonder what they did at Hogwarts, so I'm in love with this story. =] The first chapter is definitely catchy and I loved loved loved Laura. She's such a believable and nice character, seriously.
Loved this! No doubt this won a Dobby for most addicting story. :D

Ashwini

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm the first to admit that the beginning of this story drags a bit, but hey, it's my story and that's how I wanted to write it. I'm glad you like Laura, though, because I put a lot of work into her. :)

cheers, Mel


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