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19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by girly1393 

10th May 2011:
Your development of Peter is phenomenal. With how you presented him, I can see the beginnings of his betrayl.

Bravo to you.

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Review #2, by onestop_hpfan18 

25th March 2010:
Hey, decided to read the next chapter since I had some time and it didn't seem to be very long, which makes for a quick read. Anyway, I enjoyed it as the previous three chapters, it just was more of a filler than anything with Remus and Peter getting James's letters to them about the job that he and Sirius were going to be undertaking.

Again, I like the way you've continued to shape and characterise Peter; you've really developed a knack for writing him. He's a different kind of rebel/outcast then the typical sterotypical one since he's not the brightest bulb in the batch and isn't the coolest, either. And his insecurities about not being important enough in not only his family, but also when it comes to his friends, is realistic and really fits the image I've imagined Peter Pettigrew of being.

Overall, another superb chapter! 10/10

Author's Response: Aw thank you! I am so glad you keep coming back when you have time :) Yes, it was a bit of filler. I had told myself when I first started writing this that I didn't want to leave anything out. Obviously I can't write every minute of their lives, but I couldn't leave out this part, and it was a great opportunity to meet their families.

I don't know if it is good or bad if I've developed the knack for him xD I used to have a lot of trouble with him when I wrote under my previous penname... I really think Peter is an average Joe. I have a plan for his betrayal. One that makes him a little more likeable (but not much.) Once I developed that plan, I started to view him a little differently. I can't wait til I get to the betrayal so I can write what I've been planning for a couple of years now...

I do have a lot of fun writing Peter. Unfortunately, I can't get him to show up nearly as much as I would like him to simply because there are too many other things to write about and the story is more in Sirius's POV than anyone's. I hope someday, when this whole thing is finished, I can come back and edit some more Peter in :)


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Review #3, by AnnaKay 

22nd March 2010:
Good very good. I love seeing Remus and Peter, the rest of the group. I think you spent a very good amount of time on both. I think also that you did it great showing their emotions. Remus is perfect, with the trouble that he was having and his mood.

I love being able to see their families too. It shows them more, and more of who they are. It works.

Author's Response: Aw, I'm so thrilled to have my 400th review!

I enjoyed writing Remus and Peter, because I have never really gone into their personal lives before. I think Remus's story could be very interesting with the difficulties he must have faced (it would be interesting to write a story about his years prior to meeting Harry)... and it was a lot of fun to try to create a family for Peter that could explain his insecurities.


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Review #4, by spangles 

13th February 2010:
Peter's character is so interesting to look at, you never really see anything from his point of view because no one wants to write about him. I really love the insight you've given him, the last choice among friends and all that, it really shows how he came to betray them. Great job again. 10/10

Author's Response: I really have found that I like Peter a lot! I think he has a lot of the same things that most average people carry around with them as well - as far as insecurities go, anyway, though perhaps not to the extent that he has. I think he is a very likeable person if people would just give him a chance!

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Review #5, by gred_and_forge09 

13th February 2010:
Another excellent chapter! I' glad that you've given each of the characters a similar length of time on the page - it allows you to explore their personalities and character traits in depth, and you do that successfully.

Including Remus's parents was very interesting - I've never seen too much of them (the only time I've seen them before, in fact, was a novel by an author called Moonylupin that you may or may not have seen). Having them care so much for their son is apt, and does explain why Remus is such a caring individual himself.

Peter's home life was well-written as well. It explains a lot for why he tends to be so desperate for attention from his friends - you are building up the story very well and you don't seem to miss any details in your plot. I am glad that Peter is getting tons of attention from you as an author, as well :). It's very refreshing to see a fic that involves Wormtail so much, so ten out of ten for that!

Super chapter again, and I'll read the next one as quickly as I can.
gred_and_forge09

Author's Response: hey gred and forge!

I started that chapter with the plan to keep their parts equal lol. It's funny that you comment on that. And then I had the idea to maybe give Remus and Peter a chapter every 4th, like this, just so they don't get left out. Yeah, that didn't happen. Interrupts the flow of the story...

I read Moonylupin's work, and she reads this :) She even read back when I was still writing as Bibbs. Although I am only around chapter 35 in her story (I think), I know what you're talking about, and she's always done great with Remus's parents!

I'm glad you enjoyed Peter's home life. He really hates it there, and his friends are more important to him than they realise. He might seem like he sticks with them simply for the social status sometimes, the way that he is overly adoring (particularly of James), and I don't think they realise that he really likes them more than that. I think (judging from JKR's portrayal in book 5) they might find him annoying pretty often. Sadly, Peter's parts in this story taper off as it progresses. I have a hard time fitting him in. Remus has had his major part, which you will get to soon - and I have plans for Peter - his part will be the betrayals, obviously - I'm just not there yet, and until I get there, I'm afraid Peter has a small role to play.

Anyway, thanks for reading!


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Review #6, by Awokened 

29th January 2010:
lol I doubt the other chapters aren't that good though :P
To answer your question: Why are adverbs "Bad" in a novel (in fact, adjectives aren't that "good" too) : Here is an example:
1- With adverbs/adj': "She put her cellphone down slowly, and felt sad. He has hurt her abruptly with his strong words."
2-Here's Without them: "She throed the cellphone, fell on her bed, and burst into tears."
See the difference? In the "1", it looks like you're writing for the government lol. The reader feels " Ah... She's in hurt... What's next?". You're telling him what's going on, but not showing him.
In the "2", your reader understands that the character is sad, but he can see your character too, he can imagine it better. And he'll say to himself : "Oh... how SAD... poor little girl..." ... lol.
I tried to caricature it a bit so you'll see it better. =) Hope it helps you!
Still in love with you're novel! I wanna marry this thing =O Just ask your book to wait while I'm looking for the ring. *DEAD* 10/10 :3

Author's Response: There's a lot that I am not happy with - like Sirius has ended up more emo than I intended - but I just tell people it's still a WIP, and will be edited at some point.

I do see the difference when you put it that way - although in the particular sentence you picked out in the last review, I don't see how it could be different? Should I say "Sirius finished, his voice grave." Is that better? LOL I don't know. Though I do see what you're saying, sometimes I still think adverbs are nice in some situations!

I am glad you're enjoying it so much, and hope you continue to (even with my complaints about future chapters!)


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Review #7, by Casey 

21st January 2010:
Its a shame about Remus, he really has had a tough life being a werewolf and then trying to get a job and then facing all the prejudice. But at least he isn't being a sad sod about it and is trying his hardest. And poor Peter too, many people hate him, me included as I was clenching my fists thinking about him betraying his friends. Although I wonder if being in the Order made him turn in the first place, like he was feeling as though he couldn't cut it and being a Death Eater would just be easier.

And Aristotle CUTE!

Author's Response: In the beginning, I was trying to give each Marauder their little part. I literally had a plan after writing this chapter (I thought it worked out well) to give a chapter to Remus or Peter after every 3 regular chapters. That didn't work out lol. But I am glad you enjoyed this one, I think they are both fascinating characters. I think it's interesting to find out how Remus got by, and JKR herself said his friends supported him. As for Peter, I was trying to make him a normal kid that is just a little misunderstood, even by his own mother. Being in the Order won't make him turn... well. I can tell you that he might not have turned if he WASN'T in the Order (at least in this story), but it wasn't the Order specifically that caused it.

Oh, Aristotle. *blush*


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Review #8, by whacked 

17th January 2010:
It is really incredible how well you've captured Peter. I am really in admiration of your ability to stick to canon, and even add little things here and there which we missed out on.

I liked the insight into remus and peter's life: we never really saw it in the books, and it woudl explain why Remus just didn't go out and buy new clothes ...

lol, aristotle being just like james!

10/10

Author's Response: I feel bad for Peter, because I think he's a perfectly likable character that made a HUGE mistake because he was terrified. I'mg lad you enjoyed this insight to his home life and why he's not the most confident of people :)

Poor Remus, it must be expensive to ruin everything around him once a month! Glad you liked this chapter, I think its probably the shortest one I have!


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Review #9, by InvisibleWitch19 

23rd September 2009:
Well, I liked this chapter a lot. It was funny how Aristotle didn't wait for any of Remus or Peter's responses. I'm happy that you included Peter because most stories either pretend he doesn't exist or treat him like dirt.

Peter's home life was interesting here. I never expected it to be like that; I sort of thought that his parents were loving and blinded by the fact that he's wallowing in envy and revenge toward his friends or something. But I like how you made the readers feel sorry for him. That's really good, something I don't read in other fics.

You also did a good job making us sorry for Remus. He couldn't find a good occupation for himself and I'm glad you also let him join the fun in the Order. I'm starting to love this story so far and it's getting really good.

Keep up the excellent work!!

-Bree-

Author's Response: I have found Peter to be quite a likeable character. I don't know why other people don't ever include him - I find nothing wrong with him at all. In fact, I think most people are a lot like Peter. Maybe that's why nobody likes him. Not everyone is brave and noble.

Anyway, I'm pleased you found his homelife to be interesting. I like giving his betrayal a little bit of substance behind it rather than just the envy thing. I wanted to Peter to be somebody who is often put down (or at least feels that way) even though his friends and family don't realise they do it. The saddest part is that his mother actually is a loving parent, she and Peter just don't get along. She wants what's best for him - such as getting a job (what parent hasn't pushed their child about that?) He just doesn't see it that way, he can only see that she wants him out of the house. If people are seeing the way Peter feels and relating to him (even though his mother has good intentions) then I feel like I've done it right here.

As for Remus, i wanted to give a realistic view on what the job hunt was like. Not coming from rich families like James and Sirius, Remus would have had to at least TRY for a real job before joining the Order. I'm glad you liked the chapter :)


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Review #10, by allie_0608 

20th July 2009:
I REALLY don't like Peter! >:| He should go jump off a cliff or something.
Love the plot so far tho :]

Author's Response: aw!! haha. Poor Peter, he's not that bad!

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Review #11, by Dellacqua 

6th July 2009:
Hello! I have finally returned to read and review some more. Iím sorry itís taken me such an extreme amount of time, things have been a bit chaotic recently. I also want to say such a massive thank you for the reviews youíve left on my story it really is such a nice gesture to take the time to read it and I really appreciate it.

So, Chapter Three: I love for a start that you have used Remusí point of view, I always loved him as a character and Iíve never read a fic which explores his job searching immediately after Hogwarts nor was it really mentioned in the HP books. Your characterisation of him is brilliant, in his whole nature is the shabbiness and tiredness which always seem to be part of his character.

The name Aristotle for Jamesí owl was completely brilliant, it is such a great name. Iíve had to name an owl before in writing and I found it really hard, but Aristotle just seemed perfect.

One of the things I especially enjoy about your writing is you explore everything, there is never anything where I think ďOh I wonder why that happenedĒ because you give such a detailed view of everything.

For example, weíve always known about Remusí patched clothing later on and you give the explanation in this chapter. Just small details like that are what make this so excellently written in my opinion, you seem to know the characters so well it is almost as if you wrote them yourself originally (are you J.K in disguise by any chance?).

Your characterisation of Remusí dad I thought was especially fitting. His parents are pretty much blank canvasses canon-wise and the way you portrayed him is exactly as I think he should be, searching for a ďcureĒ to being a werewolf. Again this just sets up Remusí character for what we know of him later, his rejection of Tonks originally because of his being a werewolf, it obviously always stemmed from these moments in his life.

I love how youíve retained that link between the Marauders and how you shown them keeping as a group even after Hogwarts as well as using focuses on the different members so characterise them so well and show their own individual challenges which they face.

Peter is always a character I didnít like on principle but
I am really intrigued to see the motivations you give him for going to the dark side and turning away from his friends. Youíve already built on that in the opening chapter but giving some of his perspective here was a stroke of genius. Like Remusí parents, Peterís are again a bit of a blank canvas and I can never remember any reference to his family whatsoever in the HP books, so itíll be interesting to see why he was so willing to abandon them.

The bitterness, desperation and jealousy you show in his character are so fitting. They give a really good indication of his building dislike of just about everybody around him, because of that itís not surprisingly that he ends of moving away from people who treat him like the last option anyway. It was so interesting to see the difference in Jamesí writing to Remus and to Peter.

With Remus he is obviously a lot more open, explaining why the Ministry jobs fell through whereas he doesnít say the same to Peter. It feels almost as if James asked him to join the Order out of habit more than out of friendship.

Again this is an outstanding chapter; it really is such a joy to read when itís written so well.

Author's Response: Don\'t worry for taking a while, I am still massively excited that you return at all. I know it is a long story. Not only in the number of chapters, but in word count. I don\'t think you can possibly understand how indebted I feel unless you had a story this size yourself. This story has been up for 9 months, with 18 chapters, and it has less than 7,000 reads (very little for a fic this size).

Plus you are a great reviewer, who picks up on everything an author could ever hope for :)

I feel so bad for Remus. It must have been a horrible blow to his self confidence to be turned away from work again and again, even from the most worthless of jobs.

I must admit, I really like the name of James\'s owl as well. I was thinking of how Harry named his owl from a historical figure, and so James did the same. I hate copying ideas from the original books, but at the same time, any other sort of name seems almost silly for an owl. Sirius has one named Archimedes :)

I love small little details. They are what makes a story. It\'s really no skill on my part. If more people included such things, everyone\'s story would be totally realistic :) I really enjoy trying to think up the tiny things that can explain things, especially explanation for canon things. I think its a lot of fun, like putting a puzzle together or something. I\'m glad other people like it too.

When I started this story, I really wanted to give all of them a fair chance at being in it. I want them all to have their own chapters, even if its mostly for James and Sirius. Remus gets his part soon. Peter\'s big chapters will come more towards his betrayal :) But I am happy you enjoyed the first glimpses of them.

Poor Peter. I have a big plan for his going over to the dark side. I am going to try to save his image. I am going to try to make it so people can understand, and won\'t absolutely hate him for it. I\'m glad you are looking forward to seeing it, because it will definitely be a pivotal moment.

I\'m pleased to see you find Peter\'s bitterness fitting. I think he\'s acting a little immature, but he has good reason. He is aware. I don\'t think James purposely gives Peter less than he does the others, and he\'s unaware when he does it. I think he just plays a little favouritism, unknowingly.

Thanks so much for the gorgeous review. Also, as you are aware, ignore the slashes.


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Review #12, by Violet Gryfindor 

29th May 2009:
Another great chapter! :D Not a surprise really. I was pleased to see a bit from the other two Marauders, both of whom seem to get left out more often, even Remus, who's "furry little problem" seems to become just a joke in fanfiction instead of the painful infliction that it really is to him. Both Remus and Peter are very well characterized, made both perfectly canon and extremely realistic. Each of them have their own human problems, imperfect lives without huge measures of angst. What I love about this story is the balance you've achieved between humour and bitterness, canon and your own ideas. It makes the story a work of art. :)

I do have a little criticism about the Remus section. While with the other characters you did a lot more "showing", the description of Remus's family seemed to include too much telling. The sections on his parents's jobs broke up the flow of the narrative for some reason - those two paragraphs did not fit as well into the narrative as I think they could have. Anyway, sorry for being so nitpicky. I'm really enjoying reading this, and looking forward to coming back for more. :)

Author's Response: I know I've left both Remus and Peter out a lot in the past and I was determined to try to include them as much as possible in this fic. Even though its Sirius-centric (for the most part) I've been enjoying changing the POV now and then. These two were lots of fun to try to think up a background/home life for. I can only imagine what Remus's would have been - I figure his parents wouldn't have been really poor, except they'd have given everything in search of a cure. I see them as really giving people. Peter's part was a blast. I tried to give him a miserable life that wasn't too overly dramatic.

I love trying to work canon things we know into a story like this, which requires so much thinking on your own part :) it's fun to try to tie things together.

I will have a look at the Remus portion. I think I was determined not to give Remus a larger portion in the chapter than Peter, as it'd look like favouritism. I admit I probably flew through any description of his parents pretty quickly. In fact, looking back, they're hardly mentioned except his mother leaving for work.

lol you aren't nitpicky. I don't have a beta (I edit so much, it's a waste of their time), so I definitely appreciate people telling me where something just doesn't sound right. You don't put this much work into a story just to ignore any suggestion to make it better. Especially when the suggestion comes from a good source :)

I will take it to heart and look again and try to change something, but I'm afraid it will probably have to be tomorrow. Thanks for showing up to catch up on a couple more chapters, I owe you now!


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Review #13, by Moonylupin 

29th May 2009:
In reponse to your reply to my other review - I'm not good at writing romance either. I remember the chapter in your other Marauders one when they made the map. That was done brilliantly! I could never think of something as interesting as that.

Huh, I notice the two different ways James signs the letters. To Remus it's 'always your friend' and to Peter it's 'let me know.' It may not mean anything, but it's very interesting. I find it ironic that Remus's father works for that department in the Ministry, though it's probably how Remus ended up being bitten and I love that his mother's an Obliviator. I don't really know why, but I do. Both his parents have what should be good jobs, yet they're still poor, interesting. Oh and I love Remus's sign off on his reply to James 'bloody hell' that made me laugh.

The insight in Peter's home life was good to read. He doesn't have a sense of belonging, even with his friends, and maybe that's a reason he goes to the Death Eaters. They make him feel like he belongs. And I don't like Peter's mother, just from those few things she said, she doesn't seem like a very kind woman. Excellent chapter!

Author's Response: I had a lot of fun thinking up a way to make that map work. But it took a really long time. I'd been mulling it over since I started that story, and I think it was about 24 chapters - I think the map was around ch 21? I forget. But thats a long time thinking lol.

I'm glad you noticed the difference in the way James signed. He didn't do it intentionally - it's just a little subtle favoritism. He cares for Peter too, but likes Sirius and Remus more. The way I've written Peter - jealous - isn't just Peter being rotten. He's got a reason to be, and to fear not being included anymore, so I'm trying to show it. You're the first to comment on the signatures though, but I'm glad somebody noticed :)

I dont know if you ever read my old one shot about Remus when he was bitten. I deleted it with everything else... But that is exactly how his father offended Fenrir Greyback. He worked for the Ministry hunting dark creatures, tracking their whereabouts, etc. I always liked it so I have Remus's dad have this job in all my fics. It seemed fitting.

You're so observant. I actually have a scene in my latest chapter that briefly mentions everything Remus's father has done. And it says something about how the man spent EVERYthing looking for a cure for Remus, which is why they live poorly.

And I'm glad you can see what is wrong with Peter. I have special plans for him when he finally turns traitor, and hopefully people will see him better than they do currently (if they read this fic.) I can tell you about them if you want, but I dont want to ruin anything, so let me know ^.^

I will be back to read the next chapter in your fic shortly in a couple of hours, but I've got a couple things I need to do within a deadline really quick first. So expect me later :)


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Review #14, by rachm34 

28th January 2009:
JUST WHEN I ASK ABOUT PETER AND REMUS you give us peter and remus, haha. I knew they were coming up! This was another wonderful chapter!

Great job! I like the descriptions more than ever!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter! It was a lot of fun to write. I had an especially good time making up a background/family for Peter, something subtle, yet partially to blame for why he turned out as he did.

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Review #15, by spaghettiemandolino 

21st January 2009:
that was an interesting cut of their lives, especially Peter's. Your personalisation is eccellent (is it written in the right way...? my my being tired doesn't help on grammar... ;))
Aristotele has a temper! I noticed the different behaviour with remus and Peter, eh eh.
Great work, I'm rushing to the next one.

Author's Response: Thank you! This chapter, though short, was so much fun to write. I'm trying to make this story as complete as I can possibly get it. I'm sure, when its done, I will end up going back to add even more details and backgrounds and things.

But for now, it was a really great opportunity to introduce the family and lives of Remus and Peter, who don't play as great of a role as James and Sirius do in this fic.

Aristotle is a feisty, impatient little thing.


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Review #16, by auror_snape 

5th November 2008:
Great work, and I like how you set the story for Peter's betrayal. His mother sounds like a world-class bitch.

Author's Response: :D I'm glad you think so. LOL I tried to make her unlikeable and overbearing, but not outwardly horrible. I wanted it to be clear that Peter's wellbeing isn't really important to her. She's kind of selfish.

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Review #17, by the__5th__marauder 

4th November 2008:
haha the owl didnt wait for either of the boys responses.

This is one of the chapters I remember really well, I think it was because of you including Peter actually.

Because you had built his character, given him a story and a life. Most stories just seem to forget about him and then he pops up right when Lily and James are about to be betrayed.

I did feel sorry for Peter after I read this chapter (which is I think what you wanted readers to feel so well done), he doesnt seem to have a great home life.

Ive actually just been studying my uni notes on social and emotional well-being, so straight away I could see because of his feelings and the way he was treated in his home that he's going to lose himself abit.

Which I guess is what your trying to build up in your story; just to make us understand why Peter may have done what he did. Even though the reasons don't excuse his betrayal.

Anyway I did enjoy this chapter and learning more about the mindset of Remus and Peter, its great now we've had insight into all of the main charcaters now. =] I'm glad they've invited Remus to join the Order I feel sorry for him not being able to get a job.

Author's Response: He's an impatient, careless owl :)

I'm glad you liked this chapter and that it stuck with you. It was a lot of fun to write, to give Remus and Peter some background. Peter especially - it was challenging to think up a family that could contribute to the way he turned out, but not be totally horrible like Sirius's. I'm hoping the damage they do to him is subtle... at least to THEM. His mother doesn't know she's ruining him ^.^ She's not trying to, at least.

It was fun because I think his family is just normal enough that a lot of people could relate to Peter's frustrations and how small he feels even in his own household. And while he's part of a wonderful group of friends, he's the small guy there as well and it doesn't help matters.

Thanks again for continuing to come back and review. You were the one person who reviewed every single chapter previously, and yours were the ones I missed the most when I lost them all!


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Review #18, by Labby 

4th November 2008:
Aww.. I love how you portray the other two Marauders here. Poor Remus and poor Peter. I really feel badly for Peter having to deal with a younger brother that doesn't get punished, and a mother who sends her 17 year old child to his room. lol. And of course, getting the owl last.. that's got to be tough, but at least he is included. And Remus searching for a job must be an impossible task. He's such a good guy, yet having his condition makes it a terrible search.. becoming part of the Order just seems like something he'd be destined for. It's a good thing he has James and Sirius and Peter. I really enjoyed this chapter again!

Author's Response: Haha. This chapter was definitely fun to write. I wrote it quite a while ago, but I recall that it positively flew by. It practically wrote itself! Peter was a lot of fun. I think the family I gave him will be good for destroying some of his self confidence so he becomes a betrayer ^.^ But they aren't abusive or anything, either. And getting the owl last isn't such a big deal... for all we know, he could have lived farthest away. But as he's feeling sorry for himself...

And I agree, poor Remus. I tried to make it realistic for him, I'm trying to give them all valid reasons for joining the Order rather than just they were so noble they wanted to risk their lives and fight... It was fun to show his difficulties, which would be the same ones he later encountered before joining the Hogwarts staff.



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Review #19, by Whimsical Diva 

3rd November 2008:
I happen to be one of those very very very very few persons, if not the only person, who don't actually hate Peter. I mean, what he did was cowardly and despicable, but I am more inclined to believe that he was a pathetically weak, lily-livered person; he betrayed Lily and James not because he loathed them or because he was merciless and sadistic, he betrayed them because he had no other choice. Thus, albeit Peter is one of my least favourite characters of the HP series, but I do not downright hate him. I always love reading stories where authors portray Peter as a human, who is very close to his friends, but at the same time, incredibly weak and punishably self-centred.

In my last review, I wasn't talking about the teenybopper stories where Sirius is shockingly out of character. I was talking about those stories which are increbibly well written (angst, basically), but authors fail to nail Sirius's character. I've read a couple of stories where Sirius is a bit... too mature, always in control of everything, always knowing what to do... It's strange that Sirius Black is the most popular character in fandom (he is actually popular for the wrong reasons, IMHO) but very seldom do authors manage to portray him correctly.

So I liked this chapter a lot, and I love how realistic this story is. One doesn't get to read such delightful stories very often. Thank you so much for writing this, and I look forward to reading more. :)

Author's Response: I don't hate him either. In fact, as horrible as it is to say, I think a lot of people might have done the same thing he did in the situation - his life was threatened. I don't think people want to admit that :P But that doesn't mean I like him ^.^

I see what you are saying about Sirius, and I agree that he shouldn't be in control all the time (but still... that version of Sirius is still better than teenybopper Sirius!) I see him as having a few insecurities. How can you not, after going through the rejection he did from his own family? I think a lot of his attitude is just an act. For some reason, I've always pictured him a dreamer... I don't think I have him as talkative as JKR always did, but I like this version of him all the same.

Glad you liked the chapter. This one was fun to write because I won't be venturing into Remus and Peter's minds very often. It was fun to give them some background.


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