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19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by girly1393 

10th May 2011:
I really like the way you organize the chapters. It makes it easy to follow along.

Bravo to you.

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Review #2, by Rommana 

23rd January 2011:
To be honest I don't think that this chapter is as good as the first one, that is not to say that it's completley rubbish, it's still pretty good just not quite as good.
i think that this bit
"..They didnít hear the screams of victims from the safety of their homes.

The magical population could see the monsters - witches and wizards all around the country spoke in hushed tones.."

dosen't flow really well, maybe you could change "the magical population" to something else. You dont have to - its just my opinion and maybe I'm just being really fussy.

I'm not totally sure about Sirius just following James around everywhere. I understand that Sirius wouldn't care about the job or anything really if James wasn't there with him but it just makes it look like he doesn't have any of his own thoughts/opinions. Maybe you could try and make him seem as more of an individual. But in a way i can actually imagine sirius being like this, him being a dog and all..

Also (and this is me being really picky) when james floos home at the end he shout Godric Hollow which is a village. He should shout something more specific.

Apart from that this is still amazing, I liked the way it was James' idea to join the order rather than Dumbledore coming to ask them. It seems like a very James thing to do. I aslo like the way Crouch is in denial about whats going on.

-Rommana

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Review #3, by AnnaKay 

22nd March 2010:
Oh what a great chapter! I love how James is your typical bold Gryffindor! I'm so glad that they got the job, and I was even more surprised that they didn't take the job. But it's exactly what James would do, I'm not surprised to see that at all, and I'm very glad that he is kept in so much character. Good, good job!

I'm a little surprised though that Sirius just followed him. Not in a bad way, I agree with what they did. I just thought that Sirius might have been the one freaking out, not James.

I love how you introduce them into the Order, and I think it's a good idea. Just overall a great job and a really great chapter again!

Author's Response: Thank you! And I'm glad you found it to be what James would do, to not take the job. And you aren't the first to express doubt that Sirius would follow James in any way. But I guess it is just in how you view the characters, and we all view them a little differently :)

Actually, since Remus and Sirius told Harry that James absolutely hated the Dark Arts, I figured it was more likely that he would be the one to get up and leave than Sirius. I tend to think of Sirius as more flawed, with lessons to learn. I could see Sirius overlooking the use of Unforgivables if he were there alone, because I just don't think he's as strong minded as James.

But anyway, I am thrilled you like their introduction to the Order! I was trying to do something different from everyone else, and this way allowed me to incorporate canon information.


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Review #4, by onestop_hpfan18 

11th March 2010:
So, I decided to come back and read this chapter since I finished one of my assignments because I was intrigued where this story would head in. Needlessly to say, I greatly enjoyed this chapter and can easily picture James getting upset about Crouch allowing his Aurors to use he Unforgiveables and storm out of the Ministry with Sirius trailing after him loyally.

Also, I loved how you wrote James and Sirius; the way they silently interacted and talked to each other is just like I'd imagine they would since Sirius had said that James was more like his brother than friend. And furthermore, I love puns (I spotted the pun Sirius said when James told him that the Ministry workers flushed themselves down the toliets) and it made me laugh. There were a few other spots that made me giggle, too, and that's good because James and Sirius are a humourous pair.

As for the growing darkness pressing down around all as the war grows gloomier, well I thought you did a great job with describing it; especially telling how the Muggles must feel not know exactly what's going on and just assuming it was bad weather conditions. Overall, I enjoyed this chapter, and great job.

Author's Response: I'm thrilled to see that you came back!! 8D And I'm also glad you enjoyed this chapter. It was a scary one to write, having ventured out of the comfort zone of Hogwarts for the first time (ever, literally, for me). It's great that you can picture James reacting this way! I was really excited about being able to incorporate that minor canon detail about Crouch into it.

I adore James and Sirius, as you will soon come to find out. Nearly everything I do is in the POV of one or the other, and their relationship greatly intrigues me after reading the way they were always described. Whenever I get compliments on those to, it makes my entire week, because they are undoubtedly the most important part of this story, and the most important characters, relationship, anything else, to me. (And I'm glad you enjoyed the puns, it was quite fun to write and I smiled myself.)

The description of the war was something that was originally a part of the first chapter, but after an edit and minor rewrite was moved to the second. I'm glad you thought it was done well, because ever since moving it over to chapter 2, I've wondered it it seemed out of place.

Thanks again!


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Review #5, by spangles 

13th February 2010:
Another superb chapter, I loved James' reaction to the whole situation. Your style is so flowing and nice, I love it. And with all the unnecessary romance fluff. (: Ahhh love it. 10/10

Author's Response: I liked this chapter purely because I got to throw in that often forgotten canon fact RE: the unforgiveables and Barty Crouch. And I think it gives good reason for them to turn their backs on a real job just to work for the Order.

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Review #6, by gred_and_forge09 

10th February 2010:
Gah! The dreaded 'real life' has sadly already got in the way of my reading of this wonderful work. I apologise profusely for not managing to read and review yesterday, and I'll try to hopefully make it up over the next week. :)

Anyway, this was another wonderful chapter. Typical that the Wizarding World is led by a totally incompetent government in a war, if Crouch is anything to go by. I did feel sorry for him, though, when you wrote about the 'weather' that he had put up outside his window. The hot air balloon was a great idea - just a little detail, but it really brought that paragraph to life :)

As with the last chapter, the characters are written excellently: James's righteous anger as he stormed out of Crouch's office, and Sirius's general nonchalance (although the reference to his family was a good diversion from his normal attitude; its not been easy for him) really brought the two characters off the page.

I thought that the first para was the best though (World's most boring reviewer, eh - first the speech by Dumbledore, and then the paragraph without any dialogue). The occasional reference away from the main story is always good to see, and it was written in a way that made it seem action-packed, even though there was no direct action involved.

You did indeed keep up your promise of more darkness to come, at least so far. I'm really enjoying reading this :)
gred_and_forge09

Author's Response: welcome back :) And real life! guh! Well, it gets in my way, too.

I rather liked this chapter myself, if only because I thought I was brilliant by bringing canon facts into it this way. I have yet to see anyone include the fact that Crouch allowed the use of Unforgiveables in their fics! LOL I am glad you liked the hot air balloon. I think he's in a bit of denial over the fact that he can't see to counter Voldemort's Death Eaters.

I'm thrilled you like the characterisation. It is the only reason I write, after all. Though I am afraid I lose Sirius a little later on - I will have to go back and do some editing.

I like doing the references of what the rest of the world is going through and what the Muggles think. You have to wonder, after some of what has happened, how the magical world can possibly still remain hidden. I mean the Muggles are seeing giants, for crying out loud. So it's fun to take a break here and there and talk about their reactions to everything that is happening - I am glad you enjoy those parts, because they are kind of important to set the mood of the story lol

Thank you for returning to review for me!


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Review #7, by Awokened 

27th January 2010:
Keeps getting better!
As I said before, you have talent. I can't wait. I NEED reading more! I have to finish my chapter before, though. (If I don't, I won't complete my novel on earth lol)
Good job on characterization and plot! And by the way, about chapter 1, yes I meant the first paragraph =)
If you need any advice on writing or so feel free to ask me. I'm glad my first review helped. =) 10/10

Author's Response: Welcome back, Awokened! Thank you for reading again, and I'm thrilled you like it, and ecstatic it makes you want to read more. (I checked your account, but saw no novel there! Are you waiting to post?)

Thanks again for coming back, and the compliments on characterisation. I love the characters and so that alone is pretty important to me.


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Review #8, by Casey 

21st January 2010:
It was really cool for Sirius and James to not accept the Auror position. I guess alot of people would accept it just to be able to use the unforgivables against the Death Eaters as a bit of revenge. I guess afterwards they got alot of shady reports about it but they're Aurors so no one would think differently. I always believed that it made them no different to the Death Eaters, and it is sort of sad too. So I guess the Order are now going to take the place. I do wonder if the Order and Aurors ever stepped on each others toes during that time.

Author's Response: Seeing as how Harry is James's son, sometimes I try to let Harry's characterisation influence James's, and I don't see Harry doing such a thing. So I wouldn't have James doing it, either. His friends told Harry he hated the Dark Arts, and I just can't see him going for something like that. Plus JKR said he had no job :P lol. I don't think it would make them any different than Death Eaters, anyway, especially of some of their suspects are really innocent.

I definitely think the Order and Aurors have gotten in each others way - I have written it a tiny bit here and there, where the Aurors show up to something and the Order is already on the scene. But I havent spent much time or energy on that.


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Review #9, by InvisibleWitch19 

23rd September 2009:
Wow, I love the way you make the Marauders join the Order of the Phoenix. I think it's good they didn't become Aurors because of the Unforgivables Curses thing; it really does show that James is so in character. Besides, they were unemployed as J.K.R. said, right?

I really liked the way you portrayed the Marauders so much in canon. This story is really awesome and I will NEVER miss reviewing a single chapter at all; I promise.

-Bree-

P.S. Smack me in the head if I (accidentally =P) miss reviewing a chapter, alright? :D

Author's Response: I was super pleased with my idea of having them join because of the Ministry! I see a lot of people have Dumbledore approach them and ask them to, but I just can't see somebody like Dumbledore doing that. Asking kids to give up their lives and futures and possible careers to fight without pay??? I liked this because it incorporated a canon fact about Crouch and gave a great reason for James to turn the job of his dreams down. Yes, they were unemployed :) I see a lot of people having James and/or Sirius with a side job as an Auror.

I won't smack you in the head :) I am thrilled you wish to come back for every chapter, but at the same time, I know this story is really long!


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Review #10, by Moonylupin 

27th May 2009:
Wow, I completely forgot Crouch was in charge of the Auror program (cannon inconsistency in my fic, oops). Really, Crouch always seems like he's got a stick up his butt, but it's good for his character in this and makes him feel more canon. I think you got his character down really well. James's outrage at the hit wizards being allowed to use Unforgiveables was excellent.

The beginning of the chapter was funny with the toilets and Sirius's jokes about them. I did like his momentary panic when he was thinking of what Peter said to him, especially when Crouch didn't look too thrilled about having to interview a Black.

James and Sirius seemed to contrast each other for the interview. James was more nervous than Sirius, at least it looked that way to me. Good to see they both got the jobs though. Great chapter!

Author's Response: Oops lol. well maybe you can change it if you want, or if not its probably not a big deal. probably a lot of people forget about that. But I was pretty proud of how that went down - because it is canon as you said, including the use of unforgiveables in the auror office. It really set up for a great way to turn James off a job of his dreams and towards the Order instead.

I always have fun with James and Sirius joking around :D I am glad you liked that part. They're so fun. And poor Sirius. I wonder what it would be like to be treated that way just because of your last name.

I have to admit that having James seem nervous wasn't really intentional, but I really don't mind that it turned out that way at all. Since he was the one that really wanted to be an Auror, and Sirius wants nothing more than to do what James does, I suppose it makes more sense that James cares more and is more nervous about how things turn out.

Thank you for reviewing again :)


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Review #11, by rachm34 

28th January 2009:
I really am liking this story and even more the idea as I keep reading. You write this story nearly brilliantly! i didn't find any mistakes in this chapter at all! I think the idea is getting stronger as the story moves on.

I like the fact that you didn't even mention anything about the boys joining the order of the pheonix. That's very origional. I also like seeing James take more charge, it's almost as if he is the unspoken leader of the group. a lot of people believed that it would have been Sirius. I like the way you are writting James.

Your descriptions are amazing, they are written so well. I really like how your descriptions really really make the story so much better than it would be if there was mostly dialogue.

You are doing great! Off to the next chapter!

Cheers-
Rachel

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad to hear there are no mistakes (I don't use a beta, because for one I'm a little particular, and for two, I edit a lot on my own and don't want to waste anyone's time!)

They will, as you have already seen, having already read this all, be joining the Order very shortly! I see a lot of people write that Dumbledore asked them to join, and I just can't see him doing that to such young people. I liked this idea because it incorporates the canon Crouch and Ministry/Unforgiveables situation.

I do worry about descriptions, because I always seem to have a ton of dialogue. thanks so much for commenting on that.


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Review #12, by spaghettiemandolino 

21st January 2009:
This point isn't so clear:
"That's why we're here, sir. We'd like to help out and fight back. My father told us, 'you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything.'"

Bartemius Crouch gave a choking gasp at the name and his eyes bulged slightly, but he covered it with a chuckle and a blink; he gave a small nod.

I suppose you intended to name Voldemort...
Sirius' loyality is above everything, and James is a brave man, many people wouldn't give up on their dream so easily. Good one!

Author's Response: Ah, thank you so much for pointing that sentence out. It was an edited portion - originally James had said Voldemort, and I took it out, and completely missed that next part about Crouch's reaction. I will fix it :)

I wanted to do something different to get them into the Order. I see so often where Dumbledore approaches and asks them to join, but I can't see him asking such young people to join the Order and risk their lives. I also can't see him asking them to do it instead of getting real jobs - which most, unless you are fortunate to be rich like James - need to survive.


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Review #13, by Romina Stephanie 

2nd November 2008:
Another great chapter! I'm liking James and Sirius more and more by the second, and I have the feeling that that will continue. I like how you wove in the Order, and that Dumbledore wasn't the one to seek them out, but that they would go to him. I always pictured the opposite, but this still isn't impossible, seeing as it works with the way I imagine Dumbledore to be as a person; I don't think he ever would've wanted to push these matter into their faces. Meh, don't know if I'm making much sense. All in all, I'm really liking this story so far. Well done!

Author's Response: It's really funny because I've been getting mixed ideas from people on how they joined the Order! A lot of people think Dumbledore asked them to. I think at one point I assumed it was that way too. I'm not sure what changed my mind... I guess when I thought about it, I had a hard time seeing him recruiting people as young as they are to fight such a brutal battle. That paired with what Sirius and Remus said about James HATING the dark arts, I figure it's something James would pursue on his own.

I really liked bringing the Ministry and Crouch into it because I thought it gave good reason for them to fight Voldemort outside of the Ministry. As for James and Sirius... I love them both to death, they're definitely my favourites in the entire universe. So I certainly hope they continue to grow on you and I'm glad you liked them :)


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Review #14, by Violet Gryfindor 

26th October 2008:
Oh, that's a different way of making them join the Order! James acted just like his son would, I think, which is just perfect - he's so honourable and keeps to his beliefs very strongly, but that's what gets him into trouble in the end. :( It's sad that they won't become Aurors, yet it fits better with canon because Petunia did say that James was "unemployed".

It was also great to see James in such a leading role. Sirius is often portrayed as the stronger leader of the group, and here you show James being the one sounding out the orders. It definitely emphasizes Sirius's role as the loyal friend, very dog-like, too. :P

This is a fantastic story so far - it's so wonderful to see the Marauders portrayed in a more canonical way, making it worth while to read this story. ;) Keep it up! I'm waiting for the next chapter. :D

Author's Response: I know, I hadn't seen that done before. But it was so perfect, since the whole Crouch/dark arts thing is canon. I don't think I could even take credit for that, it seems like it was meant to happen that way ^.^ I had wondered why on earth James would choose to secretly help Dumbledore rather than take a paying job. I know he didn't need the money, but he seemed like he'd enjoy the attention from being an Auror in the Ministry...

I don't know why Sirius is usually portrayed as the stronger one, I don't think so at all. Sirius has problems all over the place. James has always had a great life; I think he'd definitely be the leader. He's got all the confidence for it, and while Sirius has confidence too, I'm sure he's got doubts and worries underneath, or fear of rejection thanks to his family... stuff like that :) So I'm glad you like James being the head of the group because he's always been in every story I've ever written ^.^ And I love the dog-like connection with Sirius, the faithful companion. I'm glad somebody else sees these things the way I do :P

And I'm thrilled that you like it. It's hard trying to stay canon, so many little details matter! And with the Marauders, we really don't know much. And I'm going to go post the third chapter right now! It's hard, because even though all these chapters are already written, for some reason I have to literally FORCE myself to post them. I hope that by the time I catch up to where I was, I'm excited about writing again o.O But I always do come back ^.^



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Review #15, by SunnyRae 

22nd October 2008:
I really like how you write. Everybodies character is just perfect!
I'm glad James decided to leave the ministry, especially if they're allowing Unforgivables.
Great story! Can't wait for more!
Sunny

Author's Response: Thank you! I tried to give James a good reason for choosing to fight in the Order rather than an official paying Ministry job. :)

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Review #16, by shadowycorner 

22nd October 2008:
Fantastic opening. The description was perfect. Even the mention of how the Muggles viewed it. You really have a way with words. Everything flows perfectly. I enjoyed reading this chapter very much again. James's attitude toward the Ministry's ways is great. Now I really see it as something he would definitely do. And Sirius's following James immediatelly is spot-on. I don't take it that he's just doign what James wants. It's apparent that he's willing to go to the end of the world with James, if just to be there with him and protect him. In a few words you manage to show hints of their great friendship. Okay, I'm looking forward to more. So far it's been a great reading experience all over again. :D

Author's Response: I'm glad you've enjoyed reading it again! I was worried my old readers would get tired of going through this again, if they chose to come back. But I did make some minor edits to this chapter :) I loved writing the opening scene, it is so fun to try to write dark and scary (but definitely going to be a challenge to keep up.)

Also, I'm pleased with how you view James and Sirius, because that is just how I mean it to be. I do picture James as the leader... as for Sirius... what else does he have? I think James was everything to him. I don't think either would have handled it well had they chosen different careers and gone separate ways. Can you imagine those two only seeing each other on the evenings and weekends? And probably less once Lily and Harry came.


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Review #17, by Labby 

17th October 2008:
Ah.. back to the story I love. This is the main scene I remember from the story... I love how James and Sirius refuse to become Aurors because they don't like the idea of usiing Unforgiveables. That's really respectable. Your description in this chapter is amazing, and the friendship between the two is nice. I like the characterization, and I like that James is ready to join the Order now, with Sirius behind him. Again, it really shows the friendship the two have, Sirius following behind James in any decision. I love it.. great chapter!

Author's Response: :D Yep, only really the first chapter changed, though I'll probably be doing some minor edits to other chapters to make them a little darker. I want this story to be scary... its very hard to write scary :(

I was always worried about this chapter because of all the dialogue. Plus who wants to sit and read through a job interview. But thanks for reassuring me that you like it! I strive for characterization, it is the entire reason I write fanfic. I'm pleased to know that you liked it :)


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Review #18, by the__5th__marauder 

15th October 2008:
I love the friendship James and Sirius have, and its great how close your portraying them. Most authors write about how close Lily and James become and the marauders are abit of a second thought, I do like stories about James and Lily, but i like to see what kind of friendship connection a writer can come up with. And the one you've created between them well its good. =]

Reading the banter you have going on between the boys made me smile, i mean having a friendship as close as that would be really fun.

Still really enjoying this story, keep the chapters coming.

Author's Response: Agreed. I think James and Sirius have the greatest relationship in the book, who cares if its not a romantic one ^.^ I hate it when that gets shoved aside so that Lily can butt in and take over. Just because you get married or are dating doesn't mean your best friend takes a backseat!

I'm glad you like their conversations. I always worry that that sort of thing seems forced or something :D Thanks for reviewing again!


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Review #19, by auror_snape 

14th October 2008:
Very nice work, though I've always seen the Marauders as Aurors (see my Hidden Agendas story). I was so sure you'd have changed that part so they'd get into the action sooner.

Author's Response: Thanks for coming back to review again. I am torn - I easily see them as Aurors. But JKR herself said they went into the Order straight out of Hogwarts, and as you know, I'm trying to keep things canon!

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