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31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SaphireSmiles 

24th November 2010:
Hugo is adorable. :)

Feedback: the glass on the floor? It came from the house door which I guess had a glass window pane in it? Anyway - my only thoughts about this chapter were when Nyah stomped her foot and when Hugo jumped up after he "flew" - both of them would be wary getting themselves even more hurt, right? So maybe Nyah should have gotten angry in another way? I don't know.

Lovely chapter. :)

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Review #2, by Temple Deer 

9th December 2009:
Aha! you have your focus back, here, and besides from some picky things I could ask for to tighten the writing up a bit, I have nothing to say. I'm wondering if my complaints about the last few chapters were impatience, but I have decided not. (easy for me, they were my complaints). You are much more confident a writer in Nyah's head than in Hermione's, and I still think you would do yourself more of a service by staying with Nyah's POV and revealing things through overheard conversation and discussions with Nyah herself. Your scene with the Death Eaters is nicely done, good tension, and again I wonder WHY children NEVER do as they're told??

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Review #3, by harrylover90 

29th November 2008:
this is an amazing story i jsut keep thinkinh in my head are ginny and harry her real parents and if so how did she get were she is now... what do death eaters want with her? so many questions thank you for an amazing story x

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Review #4, by celticbard 

12th October 2008:
Wow! What an action-packed chapter! I simply loved it. The break-in scene was so well-written. The transitions were seamless, the descriptions were clear, the action was concise and I was easily able to follow the sequence without getting lost. Poor Nyah! This girl really can't catch a break. But she certainly is in good hands and I do hope she is closer to finding her real family.

But I must admit, you've got me wondering, who were the intruders? They were quite brazen to break into the house of a Hogwarts' professor right in the middle of Hogsmeade. However, I have a feeling that the taller Death Eater was Draco Malfoy. What could he possibly want with Nyah?

I was also thrilled to see Ron make an appearance in this chapter. And he was perfectly in-character too. Brava, Teresa!

I only noticed a few errors. They are as follows.


Hugo was snoring loudly, undisturbed by the movement in the house, and unaware that the girls had come in his room.
This should be, come into his room.


Hugo's room was the smallest of the bedroom's
This should be, bedrooms


The noise from the attack had awakened the neighbors and they rushed to the small cottage, unprepared for the sight that beheld them.
This should be, unprepared for the sight that they beheld.


Within moments, Mr. Baird arrived back to the house followed by two healers and two wizards to transport Hermione and the children to St. Mungo's.
This should be, arrived back at the house


Nyah woke in a sweat and breathing hard
I think this would sound better as, Nyah awoke covered in sweat and breathing hard


This was a great chapter, Teresa and your cliffhanger has me anxious for more. I should get to chapter twelve tomorrow. Good luck!

Best,
celticbard

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Review #5, by Mistress 

8th October 2008:
Aww that dream! Poor Nyah!! Off to the next chapter!

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Review #6, by Solo 

10th June 2008:
Okay then, Solo’s back and reporting for duty. –salutes-

To be honest, I thought the beginning was a good one. It was strong and set a good foundation for a strong story. There’s nothing worse than reading something with a weak structure. I was a bit worried that some of the characters would turn a little shallower throughout the duration of the plot, but it just seems from chapter to chapter your characters have just gotten stronger and stronger.

The first was also lacking a bit of description, this definitely improved. I would say you got more into the ‘flow’ of the story as you wrote more, instead of things getting harder they seem to have gotten easier for you. I’m sure there have been points when you’ve wanted to give up but that’s never, ever been shown in your writing so far. Everything flows nicely, I love the way the plot is all drawing together.

Very well done on the mystery front, some parts have shocked me and I’m usually quite good at predicting stories. Each chapter gives away subtle hints, nothing too much is given away at a time. Nyah’s ‘mother’ is a nice evil character (well, she’s not nice but you get what I mean… a believable evil character).

Here I’m going to be really nit-picking and say you do sometimes overuse ellipses, but then that’s me being really hypocritical as I have been known to do that too.

One thing that bothered me slightly was the slight lack of reaction from Nyah in Chapter 8 – I know it can be hard to write about feelings you haven’t experienced before but I think she may be a little more shocked then that, maybe even go into slight denial. If I had to change anything I would change that, though maybe she was just getting over the shock…? Hmm…

As noted, I’m a sucker for beginning and endings. You have great beginning and endings to chapters, your cliffies aren’t so big I want to murder them.

Off to read the rest now, it’s me over and out.

-Solo

Author's Response:

Hello again! :D I see you are back with another fantastic review! WOW!

I'm very glad you're enjoying the story, and you're correct; at the beginning, I was unconfident and unexperienced, but as I've continued (and with the help of the fantastic groups of reviewers I've 'met') I have really grown as a writer.

This is the first thing I've ever written and am really enjoying it, and it has gotten easier! I'm looking forward to seeing this novel to the end and starting on another couple of ideas!

Nit-picking is fine with me, and you're right... I do overuse ellipses - I'm totally addicted to them. More recently, I've been trying to scale-down the amounts I use, but I don't know that I've succeeded! :D

There has been other mention of Nyah needing bigger reactions in a couple of the chapters, so my goal is to revise parts once I've completed the writing. It's probably best to change them now, but I fear that immersing myself in revision will hold off any updates as my writing time is small right now. (work, work, work)

Thanks, Solo! I really appreciate the time you've spent on the chapters and reviews thus far! It's a big help!


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Review #7, by shadowycorner 

19th May 2008:
Oh my God, i think i even wept a little. A song from Lord of the Rings hopped onto my playlist and this chapter was so powerful. Nyah's magic, the Death Eaters...i was shuddering when they barged in. And at the end, when Ron arrived, it was heartbreaking, because you portrayed the gentleness of a father-children relationship so beautifully that it made my heart ache, missing my own father in the process. When Hermione fell unconscious, I was terrified as to what happens to her next. And even in the midst of such action scene, i allowed myself to laugh at Hugo's hilariousness, exclaiming that he can fly! That was amazing. I need to get a dictionary and look up more superlatives, because I keep using the same over again.

Oh and Ginny is here. Aw.

You know what is another great thing about this story? That the reader has absolutely no idea what's coming next. Most plots and events in the story are so see-through that unless the writing is spectacular, you don't even have to read it, but this...even though one gets a general idea, you still manage to surprise and shock. Like, I didn't think Ginny and Nyah would meet so soon and now I can't even fathom what will happen next now that they are reunited.

Oh and to the response of my review where I noticed the hand-on-the-waist gesture...LOL, was I really the only one? Oh my...yay! :D

xoxo Elizabeth

Author's Response:

Hi Elizabeth! :)

Wow.. you cried? I'm taking that as a major compliment! This was a really exciting chapter to write as it ran the extreme on emotions. I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :D

I'm very glad you can read so many stories and find mine refreshing in the midst of thousands here! :D

Yes, seriously... you're the only one who caught that hint, and I'm really excited about that! :D

Thanks so much for another great review! Sorry it's taken so long to respond... real life got in the way! :)


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Review #8, by Pingo 

16th May 2008:
Hmm.. It reminds me so much of Harry! hehe.. :)

Well.. Reading now! Oh well not now now, but in a little while I am!

Author's Response:

HI! :D

I guess Nyah and Harry both have the 'save my loved ones' running through their hearts... nobility...

Thanks for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :D


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Review #9, by Bella_Portia 

7th May 2008:
Great chapter! I loved the scene of Nyah settling in at home, writing a litter to Anna, imagining the letter being delivered by owl to Stewart Manor. The part with the two DEs (Draco and Goyle?) was really good, and the final scene at the hospital was poignant. Also a bit of a cliff-hanger. (You seem to specialize in those.)

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

I love the thought of the owl crashing down in the middle of Mrs. Stewart's breakfast plate and making a mess all over her! lol

One DE was Draco and until just recently, I didn't name the second (even in my head) but have now assigned him as Nott (senior).

Ah, the cliff-hangers... I really don't do them on purpose, they tend to just happen. I get to a sentence like that and say, "Okay - done!" and that's it... thus the cliffhanger was born. lol

Another wonderful review! Thanks so much!!! :D


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Review #10, by morgana67 

6th May 2008:
This chapter was wonderfully action pack but the mystery is still on-going. Has Nyah actually seen Ginny? I thought it might have been Molly but the long hair points to Ginny, or was she actually dreaming?

I can wait for her to meet Harry!

You're doing a wonderful job with this story!

Author's Response:

Hi! :D

In this chapter, no, Nyah hasn't seen Ginny, but she is around. Nyah was dreaming about her mum's hair. :)

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and thanks so much for the reviews! :)


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Review #11, by Gords7015 

3rd May 2008:
Well, I finally made it back, and I have to say that this is yet another excellent chapter. A few quick thoughts: Firstly, I think that having Nyah defeat the death eaters was an excellent touch, but I wonder why Hermoine was defeated so easily? Distracted by the children. I think it'd be good to have her get one or two good shots in.

Also, I like the use of dreams here to convey information. Its useful as a flashback mechanism, but my only concern is that in doing it this way, you kind of echo Harry's memories (of his mother's death). In those instances, he had a trigger to get him to recall those memories (the dementors). Now, I know that Nyah has had some damage done to her with her magic, which might explain this, but I think the fact that she is recalling this info in this manner without explanation isn't quite kosher. I think that even having a mention in passing to the fact that Hermoine thinks that one side-effect of the damage is this recall, something like that, would allow the story to be more plausable.

Wow, that came off a little too judgemental, which is unintentional. I loved the chapter and the story, so keep it up!

Author's Response:

Hello :D Glad you could make it here again!

As far as the Death Eaters, there were shots fired by Hermione long before Nyah and Rose actually get close to the room so there was some actual 'fighting' going on. We don't see it because we are in the room with the children and the POV doesn't split here. BUT... I could go back and reference some "good hits" by Hermione thus giving the idea that her aim was spot-on. :) Thanks for pointing that out.

As far as the dream sequence, I have to disagree with any parallel's to Harry reliving his mother's death in and that Harry was awake during those times and it is the dementors job to pull out the worst memory and make said person relive it.

Nyah isn't faced with dementors, she's simply dreaming. She doesn't even realize it's a true memory.

I understand what you mean about the 'trigger'... but when someone sets off Nyah's trigger, that's when this explosion of magic happens... not a flashback or dream. Does that make sense?

I know that in this point of the story, you still don't understand why there's no other dreams... but you will. This is all she's got - nothing else.

I'm glad you liked the chapter and I truely appreciate your comments! THANKS! :D


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Review #12, by Ginerva_Potter 

2nd May 2008:
I enjoyed this chapter, especially the end. I really like how her dreams have slowly come into focus and how the reader figures out the truth a little before Nyah does. Very cool.

Author's Response:

Hi :D

I'm glad you liked the chapter... there is a lot more to learn! ;)

Thanks for the review!


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Review #13, by ButterflyRogue 

2nd May 2008:
Such an intense chapter! Wow --- wandless magic!! Nyah is very powerful!

I love how every time, every chapter, the memory seems more complete. At first it was just a scream, now it's practically the whole story! Wonderfully paced!!
I wonder if Ginny had recognized her...

Author's Response:

Hi! :D

Nyah is powerful... but only to a point. Everything has to come together for her to tap into her magic. There will be more about this a bit later on...

I'm really glad you liked it! :D Thanks for leaving another wonderful review!


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Review #14, by Shellee 

24th April 2008:
Oh god. It was Draco, wasn't it? The other Iono. Nuuuh, they were coming to get her! What happened to Hermione? She has to be alright, oh lord. I'm sorry my comment is being stupid because I read half of it a while ago and don't rmeember everything. So, Nina's her name, hmm? I love that name! She sure is powerful, blasting a hole through the wall. Now she's meeting her mum!

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

Good guess... yes, it was Draco at the house. The other Death Eater is still unnamed at this point.

Yes, she is quite powerful when her emotions are involved... especially an emotion as strong as love. :)

Meeting her mum... hmm... we'll see ;)

Thank you for another wonderful review! I really do appreciate all of your great comments! :D



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Review #15, by Hermione Clone 

19th April 2008:
I hope Hermione's going to be alright! I really didn't see that coming. Good job!
I love how you've written this. It's so simple, yet that's what makes it beautiful.
I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response:

Hi :)

I'm glad you liked this chapter... it was much different for me, and I'm thrilled it came out well. :D

As always, thank you for your time in reviewing! I love getting them!!! :D


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Review #16, by evil little devil 

13th April 2008:
You're really, really good with the cliffhangers. You wrote the action scene really well, lots of people choke up at an action scene. I love Nyah's ferociousness, she's very fiery and brave. Wow, she made Hugo fly! Impressive. Even more mysterious.

Author's Response:

:D The cliffhangers were truely unintentional... It just felt 'right' to end it at that spot, BUT I'm glad they come off well!

That action scene was really hard to write... I kept going over and over it, hoping it wrote as well as I imagined it.

Nyah is pretty impressive - but keep in mind that this show of power is trigged by her emotions and she can't 'will' it to happen just anytime...

Thank you!!!! :D



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Review #17, by KaraBlack 

12th April 2008:
This is a very great story, so many cliffhangers!

Goodness! its an amazing story i really do enjoy it! amazing job!

Everything is going great with it keep it up! 10/10

Author's Response:

Hi KaraBlack! :)

Thanks for the review! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! :D



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Review #18, by Girldetective85 

11th April 2008:
Oh wow this was another fantastic chapter. I'm just awed by Nyah's powers - in one go, she simultaneously defended herself from the Death Eater and protected Hugo. That was so exciting to read, but now we know that whoever these people are, they are actively looking for her. So scary! Ron's reunion with the kids was wonderful but I also felt bad that Nyah had no one to hug and comfort her. :( :( Poor girl! I hope that changes soon... Yes another chapter to read!!

Author's Response:
Hello again! :D

Yes, she can be quite powerful when those emotions are envoked... but they are drawn out with love, which is the key to her magic... and potentially her undoing... :(

Molly was there, holding her... Nyah just didn't look at her to know. But all will change soon!

Thank you, thank you for another wonderful review!!!


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Review #19, by Unwritten Curse 

10th April 2008:
I think 'had died' would sound better here: 'as he died in the war' just because 'died' makes it sound recent, and it's a bit blunt, if that makes sense. Here: 'Nyah thought hoping the details' you need a comma after 'thought.' Ah, a tense change! Haha. It's here: 'the way the ink embeds into the parchment and fanning out' - 'embeds' should be 'embedded' and 'fanning' should be 'fanned.' I think you forgot something here: 'when saw two hooded figures'. Did you mean 'when SHE saw'? 'she place her finger over her lips' - 'place' should be 'placed.' This is missing words as well: 'which seemed to be mirror image of Nyah.'

'There was a faint scent of lavender, as if embedded in the paper itself, brought to life by the touch of the young girls’ fingers.' - I LOVE THIS SENTENCE. Just thought I'd mention that, haha.

WOW, what an intense chapter! The scene in which the Death Eaters come was phenomenal. I could see the dark night, the glass flying, everything... and I could also feel Nyah's fear and anger. Really powerful writing there. I also really liked when Ron showed up. Perfect timing! And I'm a big fan of his, so I'm so glad you've brought him into the story.

The ending was another shocker! Those cliff-hangers are killing me! I'm off to the next chapter. (;

Author's Response:

Hello again! :D

Wonderful, wonderful eyes you have!!! {printing again, preparing for editing} Thanks for finding those!! You're right, they all need to be altered a bit.

Thanks! I love that sentence too... I need to draw it out and perhaps use it for a chapter image... hmm... PROJECT! :D

The Death Eater scene was difficult for me to write, oddly enough, so I'm very glad it came out alright!

I love Ron - he's so sweet and goofy! And being the good dad he is, he of course, cut his plans short in France and immediately got home to Hermione and the children.

You are very close to getting all caught up!!! :D

Thanks again!!! Amazingly, wonderful review! :)


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Review #20, by SilverThimble 

10th April 2008:
oh, wow. action-packed chapter :)

Your writing's getting better and better, it's so fantastic in this chapter. I really liked this, and I'm glad Nyah got out ok :) Who's her mother? I need to know! Oh, one thing - how did Nyah know they were Death Eaters? And why were there Death Eaters? Oh, the suspense... off to the next chapter ;)

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

I'm thrilled that you feel my writing is getting better!!! YEAH! :D That's wonderful to hear.

Who's her Mum? Do you really want me to tell you? Don't you want to muck through it? LOL If you really want to know, pm me and I'll tell you whatever you want - maybe! ;)

The Death Eaters... Nyah didn't know the word until she was told and it was really a slip on my part using that term from her point of view. I should probably go back and revise that a bit. Thanks for reminding me!!!! :D

Why were there Death Eaters... well, that's another question I can't answer here. :D

As always, thank you for taking time to review! I really appreciate it! :D


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Review #21, by chiQs09_II 

8th April 2008:
You update so fast I can hardly follow with the review. :) Are you a trusted author or how do you do that? (o.O)

WHOA... what was that??? Am speechless ... am glad Ron is back, so that means Harry and Ginny, too. Are the Death Eaters going to take back Nyah? I hope Hermione is fine... I love this chapter!

Author's Response:

Hello :) No - sigh - I am not a trusted author yet... I haven't been here long enough. Someday! :D

I am going to take 'speechless' as you loved it! Yes, Ron obviously cut his trip short (as did George who was with him in the hospital) to be with Hermione and the kids. He's a goof, but such a good dad!

Ah... there will be a large mention of the Death Eaters in the next chapter... they will use every chance they can to carry out their plan.

Hermione is fine - just a bit beat up and tired - but physically, she's good.

:D Very glad you liked it! You're my first review for this chapter! YEAH!!!! {claps silly for you}



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Review #22, by JLHufflepuff 

7th April 2008:
Okay, so to start off, it was really nice to see Nyah actually getting to enjoy life with the Weasleys, being around little Rose and Hugo (who are SO cute!!)

Anyway, so this brings up more questions.. You gave me a BIG answer in your last review, and don't feel the need to tell me stuff unless you want to because I'm mainly just trying to sort things out verbally as well as give you an idea of what I'm thinking.. So.. now that you've told me (ahem) the other thing, I'm still going crazy wondering who Nyah's mom is... I think you shot down the most obvious red-headed person, but .. hrm..

The evil death eater people are obviously looking for her now and wanting her for some reason. I was trying to guess who the pudgy, scarred one was.. the only pudgy person I could come up with was Goyle, but then I wonder why he'd care what his "father" thought about this girl being in a "mudblood's shack." So now I'm thinking she's somehow connected to a DE family (or they are involved in it somehow) ...

I really like the way you make things so tantalizing (and it drives me crazy at the same time!)...

I really like little Nyah and can't wait till this whole thing is sorted out!

Author's Response:

:D I grin the entire way through your reviews!

Thank you... I too, love the little glimpes of "normal life" within the wizarding households, as obviously, not all wizards are out to save the world! :)

Roase and Hugo are by far, turning out to be a couple of my favorite characters! I'm enjoying them a lot and glad you are as well!

LOL - Nyah's Mum... (hint - re-read the last response I left you) :D

Yes, the Death Eaters... let's say that evil plans don't die...

Ok - the pudgy one (he's an OC - no name - yet). I don't know if he correlates with a canon character... but Goyle may fit - I'll have to research it.

I'll also have to look at the wording as it is the taller D.E. that had his wand pointed at Hugo who called the cottage 'a mudblood's shack'. (does that make it clearer?)

You know where I am if you have more questions, dear!

Thank you for an amazing review as always! I love them all!!!!



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Review #23, by AnnaKay 

7th April 2008:
Yay! Another chapter is up. To tell you the truth this made my day. Great Job and thanks so much!

I like how Nyah is fitting in with everything. She seems able to handle all of the Weasleyness. (yay a new word)

So she was able to "do magic" without pain. From what I got she somehow was able to transfer the pain to the DE. Well that is a little bit of change. So is this where people start figuring out about Nyah? It seems that it might be the case.

Great Job!

Author's Response:

Hello :D

I LOVE the new word 'Weasleyness' - LOL

She did get a bit hurt in the process of doing that bit of magic - but the majority was transferred to one of the DEs, thus Nyah is left with only a burnt palm (like an electrical burn). I don't think she realizes the extent of magic she did - her only focus was the 'family' she has come to love - and her magic shifted - reconnected - to allow her that moment...

The next chapter should be up within a day or so... I'll let you know... :D

Thanks again for reviewing (as always - wonderful) and I'm thrilled it made your day!



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Review #24, by Meg101 

6th April 2008:
Awww. That just about sums it up. Aw. lol.

Author's Response:

Thanks Meg! :D Glad you liked it!



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Review #25, by Valarie7505 

6th April 2008:
Wow. That was intense.
I like how Nyah saved Hugo.
This magic thing is brillant when he said that i laughed.
The scene where the "men in cloaks" came was really well described.
I think personally that this was one of the best chapters in this story. And did she just meet her mom?
Can not wait for the next chapter. I check for one everytime i come on. : )
10-10

Author's Response:

Hi Valarie!

I'm thrilled you liked the chapter! :D

"Men in cloaks" - LOL - Sounds like the 'men in black'! (Now I'll have that song stuck in my head all day!)

The next chapter should be up within a day or so... let me know what you think!

Oh, and you'll get the answer to your question about her mom at the beginning of the chapter! :D

Thanks so much for leaving a review! I really appreciate it! :D


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