Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MyPoohBear 

29th November 2010:
Fabulous so far! Its really well written! 10/10

 Report Review

Review #2, by SaphireSmiles 

24th November 2010:
The story is rolling along wonderfully. I have guesses, and that's always a good sign (if your audience is engaged...well, they're engaged!). :D

Thanks for being awesome.

The bit with the carved initials is very cute. Oh George and Bill. Tee hee.

 Report Review

Review #3, by Temple Deer 

9th December 2009:
I like the bits about First Magic -- a nice insight into what it would be like in the Wizarding World. I confess I don't see where this is advancing the story much. I feel like I'm waiting. waiting, and then I get the bit about the Birthday party upcoming and I think "aha! I'm waiting for the birthday party!" but your last sentence tells me I'm not, I'm waiting for the next few days. So why am I not there already? I know the idea is that you don't take your reader where s/he wants to go, but, unless I'm horribly mistaken, there's not much here that moves the plot further along.

This is a fun read, and it's nice to visit the Burrow, but I worry we're just sight-seeing. There's a scene in on of JKR's books (#6?) in which she has all the main characters troop upstairs to avoid Molly yelling at Fred and George, they get there, two sentences are exchanged, and they all troop downstairs again. I wondered where her editor was. It was a full page of writing that did nothing much: no new information, no plot development, no character development, not even any new information about The Burrow, which would at least have been fun to learn. I am guilty of this in my own writing (I try to stamp it out when editing, but it's so hard to cut out all those bits I had fun imagining and writing). I didn't see it at all in your first few chapters. I think I'm seeing it now; and, I think you do to. Your last sentence in this chapter is telling me to keep reading, as if you're aware you've stalled just a little here and want to be sure I carry on once you get going again. Do you see what I mean?

Thinking some more, and wondering what would happen with this chapter if the entire thing was written from Nyah's POV and none other. Explore her feeling of being at home "at last"; as plot development, it might be intriguing, as she begins to remember things that are triggered as she explores The Burrow.

O, geez, now I have to go back and reread my book. I've made myself nervous.

 Report Review

Review #4, by poprockzwitch_14 

30th April 2009:
“That’s my Aunt Ginny – GW – Ginny Weasley. My Uncle Harry did this before the war,” Rose said. “I’ve never noticed it … hmm … I wonder if my mum and dad have one too.”

just something small, but if she never noticed it, how could rose know that it was done before the war?

 Report Review

Review #5, by Niika 

21st October 2008:
oh i really want to know who Nyah's parents are!
this story is so captivating, i love it!
and your cliffhangers arent overdone either, just the right amount :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by Mistress 

8th October 2008:
"You got excited when dad got smacked in the face with sausage?" Rose asked, with a slight look of disgust creeping across her face.

Cracked.Me.Up. :) Loved this chapter.

 Report Review

Review #7, by celticbard 

10th June 2008:
Hi Teresa,
First off, congrats on your TA status. That's great news!

This was another thoroughly enjoyable chapter. I loved the contrast from the beginning of the story, the lightness versus the inherent darkness Nyah lived in at the Stewart Manor. I also really liked the budding relationship between Rose and Nyah. I know Nyah must be lonely for Anna's friendly company and Rose certainly is a suitable companion for the young girl.

Hugo's first magic was out-right adorable. He's such a darling...just like his father. And speaking of Ron, I can't wait until he shows up, along with the Potters. Something tells me the reunion will be quite revealing for Nyah...and the entire family.

I also wanted to mention this line I came across early on in the chapter.

"Darkness fell around Hermione like a well-worn shawl."

I thought this was simply beautiful, Teresa. Such a unique yet apt description. It allowed me to perfectly envision Hermione's exhaustion and also her relief at coming home. Brava!

I only noticed a few minor errors in this chapter. They are as follows.


The only light was emanating from the tip of her wand, which lay on the old wooden desk, throwing her face into sharp contrast.
This should, "The only light emanated from the tip of her wand..."


Pigwidgeon typically slept during the day perched in the large cage on Hermione and Ron's bureau.
There should be a comma between day and perched.


"Gets what, exactly," Nyah asked, thoroughly confused at this point.
There should be a question mark after exactly.


Ron whispered that it looked an awfully lot like a snitch and was certain at that moment, Rose was destined to be Seeker on the Quidditch team, playing for Gryffindor of course.
This should be, "an awful lot..."


Hugo was still dancing around the cherry living room with Rose, when Hermione noticed Nyah sitting at the table.
Did you mean cheery as opposed to cherry?


"Good morning, Headmistress McGonagall," Hugo beamed to the elderly face
This should be, "Hugo beamed at the elderly face..."


especially as Rose was staring at her, arms crossed & eyebrow raised, wondering if Nyah would have the guts to do it while Mrs. Weasley reminded her to speak very clearly before throwing down the powder.
I think you mean 'and' here ;)


Nyah nearly caught a garden gnome, but upon learning they often give a nasty bite, the girls decided to leave the gnomes to their worm hunting.
This should be, "but upon learning that they often gave a nasty bite..."



I love how this story is progressing, Teresa and I cannot wait to see what happens. Good luck!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response:

Hello friend! :D Thank you for the TA congrats! Now I can immediately edit when you point out my mistakes! lol

I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! Rose and Hugo are such enjoyable characters and Hugo is fastly becoming a favorite!

I loved the sentence that you picked out as well... now if only I could be that creative through the whole thing, but that comes with time, right?

The CC ~ Thank you for finding all of those! I'm printing them out now and will fix the chapter asap! :D You're a doll!

Another wonderful review! Thanks so much!


 Report Review

Review #8, by shadowycorner 

19th May 2008:
What a foreboding at the end! Ack, I'm scared now. Now, this is the story that gets me into a phase where I am no longer able to offer any constructive criticism, just ramble on about my feeligns from this story and on, so please forgive me. I just...this entire chapter made me smile so genuinely. Your narration was very close to JKR's in this chapter. One of the best portrayals of the Weasleys i've ever read. hugo is absoltuely adorable with his childishness, Rose is great and poor little Nyah. There were also aching moments, like Hermione missing the first magic, Nyah looking at Hugo and Rose dancing, hoping to belong...and then i giggled at the blasted names from the tree because of the many girlfriends. By far, this chapter was my favorite!

Author's Response:

HI :)

Ramble away.... I love reading it! :D Hugo fastly became one of my favorite characters, and his appearance in a lot of the chapters will make that clear! :) I'm honored to be compared to JKR.. wow! Thank you!!!

I love the tree as well... I could very well imagine Fluer and Angelina getting a bit testy with all those names! LOL I'm glad you enjoyed it too!

Thank you for another lovely review! I really appreciate it! :)


 Report Review

Review #9, by Pingo 

16th May 2008:
So cute.. Oh I can't stop from reviewing. .haha.. Cute cute cute.. I loved the GW + HP.. That was so cute!

Author's Response:

Hello friend! :)

This was one of my favorite chapters! :D Glad you like the carved initials... me too!

Thanks for leaving a review! :D


 Report Review

Review #10, by hedwig1175 

9th May 2008:
Awww! This was such a lovely chapter. I really enjoyed the calmness of it all. And little Hugo got his first magic! How wonderful!

You have a wonderful little story going on here. So full of detail and action and love and friendship. I can't wait to read more!

Great job!

~Chari

Author's Response:

Hi Chari! :D

This was a really fun chapter to write and I really had to be careful to not get too focused on little Hugo and forget about Nyah! :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And thanks so much for leaving a review! :D


 Report Review

Review #11, by TokyoGal11 

7th May 2008:
Wow.

I really like this. It was a little shaky in the beginning, and I was getting a little worried, but you pulled through nicely.

I really like what you've done with Nyah. She's a very complex character who has a realistic quality to her- I really like her multi-dimensional personality. It makes her seem less like a fictional character and more like a human being.

I also like the living scenes- abuse is a very difficult thing to write. You've been able to write abuse as a step to character development instead of just one big pity party, which is an unfortunate pitfall that many ambitious authors who have tried to write those kinds of scenes have fallen into. I know how hard they are to write, having written dozens myself, and I always have a little trouble with them, mostly because of the privelege I have been born into, and I really do commend you on your work.

You've really gotten Hermione down very well, I think. She's exactly how I would expect her to be as a grown woman. I'm a little confused about the status of the relationship between Harry and Ginny, but I'm sure all will be revealed later.

Unfortunately, for the sake of time, this is all I can read now, but I hope you re-post on the thread- it's open until May 11th for re-requesters.

I'm sorry it took so long, too... life's been crazy.

Overall Grade: O

Really fab job, that's like, the 30th O I've ever given out out of like, 150+ stories, so give yourself a pat on the back.

-Rini

Author's Response:

Hello!!! :D I finally figured out why I couldn't find Pumpkin Juice + Rum on my reviews! LOL...

Thanks so much for taking time to look at the story. I realize it's really long and I appreciate your time!

Yes, the beginning of the story isn't as captivating as I would like, but hopefully as people read past the first chapter, they'll get a better grasp at where it's going.

Nyah's character continues to be a blessing to write and develop. I'm glad she comes across as a person, rather than a flat character. :)

Chapter 4 - the touchy subject... This chapter is the only reason for this story to carry an M rating. It actually went through a major edit prior to putting it on here, and overall I was satisfied at the results. I'm glad it came across as the stepping stone is was intended to be. A lot of reviewers had trouble seeing it that way, so thank you for validating that for me and seeing it as it was intended.

Hermione is a great character and easy to write for the most part. Harry and Ginny, at this point in the story, are rather indescript as they aren't being focused on... but rest assured, they are happily married. This story sticks very, very close to canon and only adds to what she (JKR) has given us, not taking away from it.

I would be honored to have you continue reading and will request again before the 11th of May. Chapter 18 and possibly 19 will be up by then. I look forward to your thoughts from there.

Thank you for your time and for my 'O' (how exciting!) :D See you on the boards very soon!


 Report Review

Review #12, by Bella_Portia 

7th May 2008:
This will be a short review. But I am in awe of your storytelling skills. I am just enjoying the story and the settings, which you do so beautifully. The Burrow is terrifically done. I particularly like the depiction of little Rose as a mini-Hermione.

Author's Response:

HI! :)

I'm honored that you're enjoying the story! The Burrow was really fun to write and the kids... I just love Hugo and Rose - fantastically fun! :)

Thanks for taking time to review... I know it's a really long story and you've been very gracious! :D


 Report Review

Review #13, by morgana67 

6th May 2008:
Again the intrigue continues. I guess that one of the Malfoys for some reason I cannot fathom just yet stole Nyah as a baby and gave them to the Stewarts, making the Potters believe that she had died. But, of course the Stewards especially Catherine didn't want her, so why then? I could understand a childless couple snatching a child but no, this doesn't fit.

I knew that Harry or Ginny would never give their own child away. I can wait to find out!

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

Your theories are very close! Catherine didn't want Nyah, but she had made a pact with Malfoy and there is no backing out.

The Stewart home was a similar lifestyle as the Malfoys, which was important...

I can't say too much as I'll be giving away the plot! :D lol

Thanks for the review!!!! I can't believe how fast you've read it!!! :)


 Report Review

Review #14, by Ginerva_Potter 

2nd May 2008:
I really enjoyed the bit about 'first magic'. The only problem I had was that you said it was a little late. If you wanted to stay canon, after age 7 is late. Anything before that is fine. Either way, I really enjoyed that part. It was sweet.

Author's Response:

Hello again! :D

The first magic was late for Hugo, in Ron's eyes. Since Rose had shown her magical ability at such an early age, Ron was expecting the same thing from his 'son'. (Men tend to expect great things from their first-born son)

So the mention of it being late was more Ron's pressure on Hugo than anything... nothing canon. :D But that was really good spotting!

As always, great review - Thanks!


 Report Review

Review #15, by Shellee 

23rd April 2008:
It might be a shorter chapter, or so it seems, but it's so lovely. Hugo doing his first magic. I feel a bit bad for Hermione for not witnessing it, but she just has a lot of things on her mind right now, so I don't think it's that much of a deal. Of course, it's a first and all, but it's not like she did it deliberately and Hugo doesn't seem too upset by it. Heheh, aww, I keep picturing a little Ron, so cute! That deer-caught-in-the-headlights look with a sausage in his mouth, hehe.
So, Harry and Ginny lost their baby, who's Nyah then. I guess that they either lost her at birth, or someone made them believe she died? That's just very, very cruel. Then again, she might be another sort of "weapon". I like "weapons", they bring along nice plots and I'm very curious. I can't wait until Harry and Ginny find out, though I think it's going to be a bit weird. They've moved on, accepted and learned to live with losing their daughter and suddenly, poof, there she is.
Whoo, next chapter.

Author's Response:

Hi Shellee! :)

I'm very glad you liked this chapter... it was one of my favorite. It's terrible for a mother to miss a "first" in their child's life, and this was a biggie...

Again, I can't talk about your theories much for fear of giving away too much information. :D

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! :) I appreciate it!


 Report Review

Review #16, by Hermione Clone 

19th April 2008:
Great job! I haven't been able to read for a while, but I was thrilled to see a ton of new chapters to check out!
I like how Nyah and Rose are interacting. Very cute!
I can't wait to see what happens next. That last line sounded mysterious, hmm...

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

Very glad you're still enjoying it! It is a nice surprise to come and find lots of new chapters on stories you're following! :)

Rose and Hugo are some of my favorites so far! You'll probably see them in upcoming stories as well....

Thanks so much for reading and leaving a review! I really do appreciate it! :D


 Report Review

Review #17, by evil little devil 

13th April 2008:
This story is getting better and better each chapter! I can't wait to find out more about Nyah's past and who her family is. I love that she's got a loving, caring family in the Weasley's, she really deserves it.

Author's Response:
Hi :)

I promise, everything will be revealed... eventually... :)

I think the Weasley family is wonderful, too!

Thank you for reviewing!!! I do appreciate it!


 Report Review

Review #18, by KaraBlack 

12th April 2008:
Another great chapter with an equally great cliffhanger (you are very good at those!)

lol, anyway, still eagerly wondering what's going on with her dad and family!

I really don't have much to comment on in this chapter, everything seemed to flow very nicely including the characterization! very nice!

10/10

Author's Response:

Hello again! :D

Thank you, thank you! {taking a small bow - lol}

Ahh... I really don't think you want me to spoil it by telling you what's going on, do you? :D

Thanks so much for taking time to read (and review). I really do appreciate it! :)


 Report Review

Review #19, by Girldetective85 

11th April 2008:
Oh how wonderful! I'm really, really happy for Nyah that she has found a place with these caring people. She couldn't have found a better family than the Weasley clan! I was very touched by the appearance of Hugo's first magic and how proud Hermione was; it's too bad Ron wasn't there! Even though we haven't seen Ron and Hermione together yet, I think just hearing about how much she misses him and thinks of him when she sees Hugo is wonderful. It's really the way I would imagine them to be after married life. Ginny and Harry sound so lovely together too, how they overcame their lost child :O and it only strengthened their relationship. Love this story! And YES I have two more chapters to read...

Author's Response:

I think the Weasley family is the best! There are no put-ons - they are what they are - within their grumbling, financial issues, and chaos lives this incredibly warm and loving family... perfect.

I always wondered about their first magic, and there's nothing concrete about it... so this is my version of how their first magic happens - quite unexpectedly and doing something kids usually do (reaching for something, stomping their foot, etc.)

Ron and Hermione are the epitome of an old married couple. Even when first married, they fell easily into the routine, mostly due to how long their affection for one another grew. They really know each other... but their flame runs deep and will never extinguish...

Ginny and Harry are quite strong... it takes an extremely solid foundation to withstand what they went through...

Another wonderful review! Thanks!!!! :)


 Report Review

Review #20, by Unwritten Curse 

10th April 2008:
Hmm, this sentence doesn't seem right to me: 'The only light, emanating from the tip of her wand lay on the old, wooden desk, throwing her face into sharp contrast.' I'd change it to 'The only light was emanating from the tip of her wand, which lay on the old wooden desk, throwing her face into sharp contrast.' It's a good sentence, it just seems like you got distracted halfway through, because your ideas get a bit jumbled in the middle. And once again, you don't need the dash in 'young-couple.' '... she said very excited' should be 'she said very excitedly.' 'Pigwidgon' is spelled Pigwidgeon. In this sentence: 'touching her face leaving sausage grease' you either need a comma or the word 'and' between 'face' and 'leaving.'

I feel like I was nit-picking a bit, so sorry if I was a bit too critical.

Anyway, once again, great chapter. You handle your characters very nicely, taking time to develop not only their emotions but also their relationships with others. I've become so very attached to Nyah, and I want only the best for her - much like Hermione. I'm still confused about some things, but I'm sure answers are coming soon. I'm dying to know if Harry truly is Nyah's father. (:

Anyway, I've got to go for a bit. I can't wait to read more! Keep up the great work.

Author's Response:

Hello again! :D

I LOVE your nit-picking! It makes me a better writer! I'll not be offended, trust me!

Wow! I did make a lot of mistakes in this chapter, didn't I? That's okay - that's why they have the 'edit' button! Thanks for finding those (and pointing out the specifics - very important).

I'm sure there are things that are still a little confusing - it's supposed to be that way. But never hesitate to pm me if you really don't understand something - I'm more than happy to talk to you about it - always!

Thanks so much... I really do appreciate it! :D


 Report Review

Review #21, by LexiieFeltonOx 

4th April 2008:
Hey, you asked me to review this story a while ago on my review topic on the forum [Lexiie-Lou's Reviews] Sorry i haven't been able to review up until now, but here i am!

I really enjoyed reading this story. Its full of mystery and i love that! i also think that you have written it really well, sometimes with long stories, authors lose it a bit and the quality doesn't stay as good as it was to begin with. But this story is different, the quality is great and consistent all the way through
If it wasn't for copyright laws and such i'd definately say you should get this published because i would buy it!

10/10 Lexie x

Author's Response:

Hello :D

Don't apologize for not getting here sooner! Life gets in the way sometimes - I completely understand that! :)

I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so far! Here on HPFF, I've got about 1/2 the chapters up - so there is quite a bit more to go (I've written through ch 17) so I do hope you'll come back!

I would love to publish a novel someday, but this one will have to be a 'freebie' - LOL.

Thank you for such a lovely review! :D


 Report Review

Review #22, by luvinpadfoot 

2nd April 2008:
Poor little Nyah! I can't believe Hermione didn't go running to France to tell Harry and Ginny that she found their child. That's what I would do. I really hope you give more background information on what happened to Nyah and why Harry and Ginny aren't looking for her. They must think she died or they would be all over the world trying to find her. Hurry and post the next chapter! (And yes, I know the queue is closed.) Is the next chapter her party? Will Harry and Ginny see her? Will they know she's their kid? The next chapter had better have those answers (or you could answer them right now) or I won't review. 11/10

Author's Response:

:D Hello again!

Well... there's lots of reasons Hermione didn't run off to France looking for H/G ... but I might spoil something for you if I say it here! ;)

:) The next chapter is quite exciting and no, it's not her party... {but there will be Death Eaters involved - there, you've got a hint}

The queue reopens soon, and the next chapter is ready to post. :D

Thanks again!!!


 Report Review

Review #23, by dracoslover1 

1st April 2008:
I love this chapter. It was a good read. Keep up the work and if you need me to review any more chapters, feel free to stop by and ask.

Author's Response:

I'm thrilled that you love this chapter. I will keep writing and know that I appreciate your reviews.

Cheers :)



 Report Review

Review #24, by Valarie7505 

29th March 2008:
Yes,
i love this story. its great.
i've been really busy latley, so when i came on and found three new chapters...
this story is coming up higher on my list of favs.
harry the father? i thought that it would either be harry and ginny or lily and james. But then common sense came into play and i realize that nyah would have to be way older to be lily and james's kid.
Im really liking how this story is turning out.
Can not wait till the next chapter!

10-10

Valarie

Author's Response:

Hi Valarie!

Glad you made it back and thanks so much for a lovely review! :D

Yeah - this is next generation, so way past J/L.

Very, very glad you're enjoying the story! The next chapter will be submitted as soon as the queue reopens.

Cheers!


 Report Review

Review #25, by Gords7015 

29th March 2008:
AH! Why didn't you wait until the next chapter was in before you reminded me to review!!! Come on, now I'll be thinking about this!!

Haha, nice work, seriously! You did a good job showing how Nyah is beginning to fit in, and is becoming more comfortable. I loved the scene with GW+HP! That was so cute!

Anyway, I hope that you keep writing, and I'll have to keep coming back to see how its going. Just in case, let me know when stuff begins again!!

Author's Response:

Uh oh! I got you thinking!!! What have I done? :D LOL

Glad you enjoyed the chapter. I promise I won't let too many get posted before I buzz you again!

Thanks for taking time to review! I do appreciate it! :D



 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review
<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>