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49 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Malak 

25th August 2013:
THIS IS THE MOST BRILLIANT THING I'VE READ IN AGES

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Review #2, by parashar_harry 

30th May 2012:
this story is completed, so i am reading chapters one by one.
just one thing, its really best mystery fiction i have read till now. i am so eager to know abt the next chapter that i am simply ignoring the little review box. i am sorry for that.
but its all ur fault, u have written so so well this mystery that any one will not want a simple break.
i have a very bad feeling that harry is dead and ginny is the mother of this child, then again who was the lady with malfoy, here i am assuming that the person she described is lucios
10/10

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Review #3, by princessamy1997 

22nd March 2011:
the guy is either draco or lucius

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Review #4, by SaphireSmiles 

24th November 2010:
Ah. Of course there's Malfoy behind this.

So, Mother is just greedy-evil and Alexander has been raised to be a lil jack-ass. Father is a busy lawyer, and somehow Anna is a sweetie?
What will Mrs. Clearly do when Nyah leaves the household?

So many questions, so much plot! :D

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Review #5, by AnonymousAntonymous 

15th August 2010:
At first, I thought you meant the man was pale with blonde hair. COme to think of it... can hair be pale? 10/10

Author's Response: Ahh... good point. I would say that 'yes, hair can be pale' ... at least in my story that is! :D But you do bring up a good point and I'll think on it.

Thanks!

~ HPMom


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Review #6, by NotSuchAPrincessAlex 

3rd August 2010:
this is so good! im so excited to read more!

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Review #7, by Temple Deer 

29th October 2009:
I realise this stuff from me is coming long after you published!

I like many things about this chapter: the pace, the information given (not too much yet!), the portrayal of Mother when she comes in, Nyah's nervousness about Mother. I also like your portrayal of Hermoine, who has matured into a very nice woman, but still very much herself.

I did find a number of things that didn't work for me. Little one first: 'undue' should be 'undo'.

When Mother asks Nyah to go pack, we read that she started to leave, but then stopped to see Mother sign the parchment. I assume that Mother thinks she has left the room, or else I don't think she would speak so frankly to the other women in the room. Her pride would not allow her to reveal this information about herself in front of Nyah. But when Nyah speaks up again, Mother doesn't seem surprised or upset to discover Nyah has heard everything. This seemed out of character.

It is also out of character for Mother to put up with being called by her first name by the school officials. It's also not British. They would call her Mrs. Stewart. She would call them Prof. Weasley and Headmistress. Also, Hermione would not call her boss 'Minerva' unless in private. Unless in private, the Headmistress would call her Professor. And, I think they would also call Nyah "Miss. Stewart".

It's like at school here: we call each other by our first names socially and in private, but once we're in front of the students, it's 'Mr.' and 'Mrs.'; British culture, I found out when living there, is much more formal than we are in Canada and America.

One more point: You have spent most of this story inside Nyah's head. In this chapter we are suddenly taken out of her head and put in someone else's. I found this jarring. It would be interesting seen entirely from Nyah's perspective.

This reads like I didn't like your chapter, but that is very much not so! I think you handled the dialogue very well; I like the depiction of Mother scheming to rid herself of Nyah, and the unexpectedness of the uncooperative quill!

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Review #8, by jameslover4ever 

10th October 2009:
this is great! this has to be one of the best mystery stories ive read in a while! good job on originality!

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Review #9, by Jennifer 

2nd May 2009:
Very interesting premise!

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Review #10, by Lucia Waxler 

26th April 2009:
Well done! I'm very impressed with your writing ability, both in coherence and lack of basic errors. Keep it up.

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Review #11, by harrylover90 

29th November 2008:
wow another twist this is getting excellent keep writing xx

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Review #12, by Jenna 

16th November 2008:
Best fan fiction I've ever read! Its amazing! If I were hermione, I would kick malfoy's ass.

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Review #13, by Pookha 

25th October 2008:
This is a part where the plot really starts to gel. We really get to see what sort of woman Catherine is and what she would do to get ahead--a true Slytherin, even if a Muggle.

Your characterisations of McG and Hermione are both quite well done and their personality shows through.

I don't know why I didn't review these early chapters when I read this before.

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Review #14, by Mistress 

8th October 2008:
I love the end of this chapter. Nyah really likes Hermione. I like the "Lets just start with Hermione" :) Very cute.

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Review #15, by Ariana_Gryffindor 

26th May 2008:
Me again :)

So this chapter was good i really liked it it hel the breathtaking moment of a secret being revealed. The man at first i wa shtinking of Sirius with the grey eyes but she's dead and then the cane got me thinking of Lucius. But i cannot for the life of me think of who the red hair woman was. you did that well and now i want to know who it was.

i am glad however that Nyah gets to go to Hogwarts and is going away from her evil mother, also that she knows the truth in a wa, that would be better than think that monster was your mother.

Steph @0o0@

Author's Response:

Hi Steph!

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!

And you're right... it's not Sirius. This story remains faithful to canon except the addition of my OCs. And yes, her letter has arrived... :D Now the fun begins...

Thanks again for taking time to review! I do appreciate it! :)


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Review #16, by celticbard 

17th May 2008:
Well, that certainly explained a lot! I love how you so deftly developed both sides of Catherine Stewart's character in this chapter. She is fierce, yet vulnerable, mistrusting, yet able to communicate with McGonagall and Hermione. Brava!

And poor Nyah! That little girl just can't catch a break, can she? I do hope Hermione is able to settle things at the Ministry and discover just why Lucius Malfoy left the child with the Stewarts in the first place.

I think the thing that intrigued me most about this chapter was this line...

"It was a woman, not a man. She was carrying Pricilla, and not well, I might add. She had long red hair; slender, attractive, quiet...in fact, the only thing she said made no sense whatsoever."

Who could this woman possibly be? Another Death Eater? Why, she almost seems like a Weasley from Catherine's description of her, but why would a Weasley be helping a Malfoy? Hmm, I cannot wait to find out!

I only noticed a few errors in this chapter. They are as follows.


"Yes, then," the Headmistress continued, her face a bit pink around the edges and her mouth sat firm.
This should be, her face a bit pink around the edges, her mouth sitting firm.


Nyah is, in fact, a witch." she said, beaming at Nyah.
This should be, a witch," she said...


"Except for summer break, arrangements can be made for her to stay over holidays as well." the Headmistress responded.
This should be, as well," the Headmistress responded.


She was actually asking that Nyah not come home at all... what kind of mother does that to her child?
This should be, what kind of mother would do that to her child?


Nyah couldn't believe what just happened...Mother said yes...
This should be, Nyah couldn't believe what had just happened...Mother had said yes...


About a year after I started, Robert came into the pub one night," her eyes sparkling as she remembered.
This should be, the pub one night." Her eyes sparkled as she remembered.


Catherine visibly trembled, remember his eyes.
This should be, Catherine visibly trembled, remembering his eyes.


"He pulled out a small rolled paper. I asked him what the favor was, and..." her voice choking a bit,
This should be, and..." she trailed off, her voice choking a bit


She was all-too-familiar with what kind of quill causes damage like this.
This should be, She was all-too-familiar with what kind of quill caused damage like that.


"Catherine," McGonagall continued, "I too, have some questions. May we?" as she motioned to the dining room.
This should be, May we?" she said as she motioned to the dining room.


Another riveting installment, Teresa. Great job! Good luck!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response:

Hello again, friend! :D

I'm glad you finally got to chapter 7. I think this is a turning point in the story.

Catherine's character was interesting to write and I'm happy that you could walk away seeing both sides of her.

Ah, yes, the red-haired woman at the Stewarts... in all (nearly 500) reviews, only one person finally figured it out, but that wasn't until chapter 14! :D

Wow... lots of little things in this chapter to fix! :D Sounds like an edit is in my future! LOL Thank you so much for finding those for me! You're reviews are amazing! If I ever should get the courage to break out and write a book for publication... I'd need to hire you first! :D

Thank you!


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Review #17, by Pingo 

16th May 2008:
Wow wow woww.. She is Harry's daughter! Or at least Ginny's!!! And that was Draco Malfoy at the bar..

Okay.. Enough of my guessing.. READ READ READ (that was to me)..

BYE!! :)

Author's Response:

Hi Pingo! :D

So... I take it you enjoyed this chapter as well! :D YEAH!

Thanks for the review!!! You're reading faster than I can reply! LOL :)


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Review #18, by shadowycorner 

15th May 2008:
HA! She is harry's daughter, she is, she is, she is!! At first i thought that, oh well, my brilliant theory has been swooped down the table. When Hermione thought that Harry had a similiar life, but Hermione doesn't know...and...well...I just have the feeling. Oh if I am going to be wrong again, it'll be rather funny. :D

Catherine's story...well, that was quite surprising. I knew there was something fishy about that woman, but I didn't expect such a twist with Lucius in it. Great job! Pfft, she should be thankful to Nyah. Had it not been for her existence, Robert wouldn't really bother in the end. And so I would even write more, but I'm afraid i would only end up rambling, so can I just skip to the next chapter and give a proper review then? :) Because at this point the story got so exciting I can barely stand it!

Author's Response:

Hi Elizabeth! :)

Yes, Catherine is a bit of a interesting character... we *might* see another glimpse of her at the very end of the story... I'm not sure yet... :D

You're right, she should be grateful to Nyah, but as most who let greed take over their hearts, she's more inclined to serve her own agenda first. And poor Robert... sigh...

I'm thrilled that you're excited about the story - that's a huge compliment! :D Thank you for the wonderful review!!!


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Review #19, by hedwig1175 

9th May 2008:
Oh my gosh! What in the world is going on!!!???! I've got so many things cooking up in my head, but I'm off to read another chapter.

Should've know Lucius Malfoy would have something to do with it. And to think, I almost felt sorry for 'Mother'.

I love this story! Great work.

Sorry this isn't long, but I can't stop now... I've got to keep reading! :)

~Chari

Author's Response:

Hi Chari!!! :)

This chapter was full of detail and opened lots of possible scenarios, didn't it? LOL

Yes, Lucius is bad, bad, bad... and Catherine wants you to feel sorry for her - but we won't give her the satisfaction after everything she's done.

I'm so glad you're enjoying it!!! :D Thanks for the wonderful reviews!


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Review #20, by Bella_Portia 

5th May 2008:
The dialogue, where Catherine is attempting to tell off the ladies from Hogwarts, was first rate.

Then, Catherine's tale about being down on her luck, being dropped by the man she loved, then the sudden weird appearance of the pale man who can make everything right --gripping. Almost like a fairy tale where the princess promises her first-born child -- only, in this case, instead of giving up a child, she agrees to take one. Terrific job with the story and with your treatment of the generally unsympathetic Catherine throughout this section -- I almost caught myself feeling sorry for her. (But now quite.)

The final wrap-up, with the "fix" from the MOM and the strange red-haired woman speaking those strange words -- yet another fascinating mystery -- was excellent.

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

This is Catherine's 'shining moment' in the story. We now get to try and understand the events that led Nyah to her door, and try and sympathize as to why she treats Nyah so terribly...

Ah, yes, the red-haired woman... very few people figure that out until much later... :) Just keep it in mind...

Another great review! Thanks so much! :D


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Review #21, by morgana67 

4th May 2008:
Gorgeous as ever again. Normally, I do longer reviews with constructive criticism and such but this is just so beautiful. Honestly! Ok, Harry may not be her father, but I still suspect she is a Weasley though!

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! And thank you for the wonderful compliments!!!! :D

See you where the 'old' people gather! :)


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Review #22, by ButterflyRogue 

2nd May 2008:
I was so happy when Hermione and McGonagall came to speak with Nyah about Hogwarts...! She seemed genuinely happy!
I wonder... The comparison you made between Nyah and Harry... Does he have something to do with Nyah? The woman with red hair --- Ginny?

Ohhh... Interesting! The quill not allowing Mrs.Stewart to sign was a nice touch. I actually thought Nyah was finally free!
And the story behind Catherine... Wow. Very believable, touching in a weird kind of way (the closest to sympathy she'll ever get from me since I can't really bring myself to feel sorry for her), and the contract with Lucius (I have to admit I took a peek prior to reading this chapter at the place where the 'old people' meet and I saw you have mentioned it somewhere...) Like signing a deal with the devil...

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

It was great to introduce McGonagall and Hermione into the story! I'm glad you like it!

At the point that the comparison was made, it was more Hermione coming to terms with the fact that she had to do whatever need be to get Nyah from that house.

Ahh... the woman with the red hair! No - it's not Ginny, although it's meant to look like her...

I'm glad you like the Stewarts backstory! That was a big part of the plot in the beginning. :) And you're right... that's as close to feeling sorry for her as we can ever get.

Right... a pact with the devil!

Thanks so much for the review!!! :D


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Review #23, by Morgan 

30th April 2008:
I really really love this story! I like where it's going and I think you have an amazing plot! I love how you write this story i feel like I'm watching a movie! You are an excelent Author! This story is so unique i would never have thought of somthing like this. Just one question though: I don't quite understand why Catherine can't sign Nyah's form. I know she is not her biological daughter , but Harry isn't the Dursley's son and he went to Hogwarts. Just had to ask that i'd appriciate it if you could explain it to me. THis story gave me somthing to do when im bored! Awesome Job, and very well written! Thankss For Reading! Above a 10/10!

Author's Response:

Hi Morgan! :D I'm thrilled that you like the story!!!

Funny that you mention a movie, because that's how I write... I picture it my head like I would be watching a movie and then write what I see and feel... very easy that way! ;)

I LOVE questions!!! Happy to help. The Dursley's were able to let Harry go (sign papers, ect) because they were his legal guardians... Nyah is NOT legally the Stewarts. Nyah was stolen and given to the Stewarts - there's nothing legal there so that's why she cannot sign Nyah's paper. :D

If you have any more questions, feel free to post them on my author's page and I'll be happy to discuss any of it! :D

Wonderful review and thanks for reading! :)



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Review #24, by Shellee 

22nd April 2008:
Tssk, she's a horrible person! How can she think like that about Nyah. She should be more grateful, it's because of that little girl, she has everything she ever wanted! Urgh -stomps feet- I don't like her at all. It's terribly cruel to have Nyah never come back, but I guess something good will come from it!
I saw the people as Lucius, though I don't know the woman, really. Do you mean red hair like a redhead or red hair like, flaming red coca cola red? Ah well.
I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next.

Author's Response:

Hi :)

I loved this chapter! It gave a lot of insight to why Nyah is so different! And to Mrs. Stewart, money can buy 'everything' so she would pay nearly anything to get rid of her and have her 'perfect' life back... :(

Ah... Lucius... ;) The other person is a redhead... in fact... he/she looked just like Ginny... but it's not... any theories now? :D

Thanks again for another great review! :)


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Review #25, by Ginerva_Potter 

11th April 2008:
Wow, this chapter is really picking up the pace. I'm glad we've learned all about the "dropping off" but it seems to have created more questions than answers. Good job!

Author's Response:

Hello again! :D

Yes, this chapter was really busy and jam-packed with information, as well as creating a lot of questions... :D

I'm thrilled you enjoyed it! :)


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