Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by celticbard 

24th February 2009:
Hi morgana!
I'm here to review your fic as requested. This was a great chapter, both complex and emotional. I love Voldemort's attempt at using psychic means to attack Harry. It almost reminds me of Freddy Krueger, who would come after his victims when they were at their weakest, during sleep.

Poor Mrs. Weasley! She's such a wonderful mother. The knowledge of Percy's betrayal will break her heart. I just hope Percy won't use her love against her.

I also really enjoyed the tarot reading. The symbolism was quite intriguing. You must have done a lot of research to get that scene just right ^_^

I only noticed a few minor errors in this chapter. They are as follows.


He shouted his friend's name several times and, when he received no reply, begun to panic.
This should be, began

It dawned onto him that Harry was unconscious
This should be, on him

"Hermione, it was so real that it make me pass out
This should be, made me

I can't not even explain..."
This should be, cannot even

Will Granger looked at his daughter, still on her dressing-gown
This should be, still in her

Hermione caught his father's gaze and was the first to speak
This should be, her father's

"By the way, Remus and Nymphadora had just got married
This should be, have just

Hermione rolled her eyes sceptically.
This should be, skeptically

The moon on the horizon, flanged by two identical pillars.
I think you mean flanked not flanged here


it also represents innocence and impusiveness
This should be, impulsiveness


Please feel free to drop by my queue any time and request another review, morgana. I would love to continue reading this fic. Have a great week!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much again. I'm glad you like this chapter. I thought that Voldy would be likely to wish to exploit the mental connection between him and Harry. Harry can be impulsive and he tends to disregard danger so he makes himself an easy target.

The situation with Percy is going to be very traumatic for all concern.

The reading, well, I'm familiar with Tarot cards myself although I made Ginny read some of it from a book because I doubt Trelawney's instruction has been that great and also to get away with making it more literary. If these were Ginny's words it would sound a little over the top.

You'll see Molly's reaction in the following chapter. Thanks so much for offering to review again.

As always, you catch mistakes that are just so silly and careless on my part. I have now made the amendments with the exception of scepticim -v- skepticism (the later being the US spelling).

Thanks so much. x


 Report Review

Review #2, by SpringTime 

15th November 2008:
Yay, he does find out. So excited, can we kill percy now :) Okay so I just thought of something. Percy doesn't know where the OoTP HQ is, I don't think they had it before Percy left his family. I am pretty sure that he never would have known. Now as this is your story and if he needs to know for it, then that's fine, I just know that you are staying in canon, so thought I would point it out.
That was an intense reading of the cards and the runes. I haven't read tarot cards since I was younger at slumber parties, but i remember some of the cards a little, very good job with that and it must have taken a lot of research to get it just right.
There are a couple of quotation issues, where you either forget to add the quote to one half of the quote or you have quotes around some narration, i think only twice that I saw that though.

Author's Response: I did wonder if Percy was likely to know the location and you are probably right but he could have been referring to whatever the previous HQ was or just bluffing even.

Now, the runes I did research a bit because I'm only vaguely familiar with them but I can actually read Tarot, so a lot of this was my own knowledge although I made Ginny read about the Moon from a book to make it more literary and also, to show that she is not an expert, which I don't think she would be, especially given the fact that Trelawney is her teacher and not overly competent.

I'll have a look for this missing quotation marks. Thanks so much for spotting this.


 Report Review

Review #3, by Shellee 

20th April 2008:
That's not good, eh. Another nightmare, another connection and this time Harry actually fainted! Must be something major, but at least they now know that Percy is the traitor and that he's helping Voldemort. It's remarkable that he could uhm, get sick like that, though. He might want to take some potion or something. I hope he'll be fine though. Glad that Mr. Granger was there and could help out, or it might have gotten even worse! I can see Harry's though about it though.
Molly does exactly know her kids. I feel bad for her already, how she will take the news of Percy. They'll have to tell them all at Tonks and Lupin's wedding, even though it's not a good time, they won't have much choise, will they? I mean, they will have to know because Percy will be n his way now, I'd think. So in a way Harry has faith in his hands, but it's faith, so he can't do much about it. Oh, intriguing! I very much loved that part, I'm all in with that uhm, magic stuff. Though I'm afraid to read Tarot's myself. =p

Author's Response: Well, this sort of new development is important because Voldemort seems to have found a way of attacking the physical body of anyone who tries to enter his mind, and Harry did just that. Yes, Harry sees this as a useful source of information but, as you have seen, this is not really advisable.

Ok, I wasn't going to allow Voldy to kill Harry in such a stupid way but this should be a warning to him.

The Tarot cards, ok, I was very careful how I worded this because it will fit in the end but there maybe layers there that don't stand out the most. The kids may not have picked everything that was said yet... Ah, as for being scared, well, I read them in real life but only for guidance on things like careers, moving house, personality stuff like that. The death card for instance doesn't mean death and no many people read them like Trelawney! lol


 Report Review

Review #4, by punk poet 

6th April 2008:
i realy like the direction of this story. must have made a lot of research

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading the whole story and for your reviews. Ok, in the Tarot scene I used a book in the fic because I doubted that Ginny would be a profient reader, although of course she knew a fair bit, also to make it more poetic, since the kids would not describe things in that way. However, I can read Tarot myself so I was pretty sure which cards fitted what I wanted to achieve. With the runes, though, I definitely did quite a bit of reseach, since I have never muster their meanings myself properly although I had a vague idea.

I'm really glad that you liked this.


 Report Review

Review #5, by Gords7015 

24th March 2008:
Haha, well that certainly was an interesting end to a chapter! I love that Hermoine is having to listen to Divinations type things. It was written quite well, and I imagine that you had to do a fair amount of reserach to make it sound that real! Nice work, and now just the horrible converstaion with Mrs. Weasley!

Author's Response: Actually, I can read Tarot cards in real life. I iused a book in the fic to make it more literary and more realistic with Ginny. Runes, I'm a novice so yes, it was researched, very much so. Mark the words though, not necessarily what they thought it meant, that's the beauty of it, so many different layers.

Molly, well, poor, poor Molly!

Thanks again, as ever!


 Report Review

Review #6, by AnnaKay 

18th March 2008:
Wow, that was really deep. Even if Hermione does not believe in this sort of stuff she has to realize that they all pointed to the exact same thing. I think besides telling them the truth about Percy, it gave some really good information on which they can speculate. Who knew that Ginny would be bigger into this stuff. It seems to me that Ginny is going to paly a huge part in this. A very large one.

I hope that they are going to start getting a plan together for getting the wand. I also think that Harry should really try to close the connection. It is bad if Voldy can almost kill Harry from just trying to get into his mind.

Author's Response: Yes, the reading took me a while to plan. It helped that I can actually read Tarot cards myself, the runes, well, I'm a bit rusty really. I used the book because I did't want to show Ginny as an accomplished reader since her instruction must have been pretty standard. The thing with divination is that everything could mean several things and not necessarily one or the other, there are very many layers. My idea was that, as things unfold later on, the readers may be able to go back to this chapter and think again a little. Yes, the reading has told them something about the final battle too. Ginny has a natural flair for this. I would say she has extra sensory perception, of course of wizarding folk do to a degree but she's like a psychic in the Muggle world would be, she's well above average. Yes, she is pretty central in this story. Of course, again I added magic to the reading, with the wands and the circle of light, just like with the wedding and the will. It thought it would be more fun.

Gringotts, yes, it's coming up slowly, even in my mind, but they will figure something out. The odd clue has already been given...


 Report Review

Review #7, by Aurora Dawn 

8th March 2008:
Hi Morgana -- it's me again, and I've almost caught up.

I like the way you handled the vision scene. It's another of those parts where it's so like Rowling that I could almost forget this is a fanfiction.

Ron and Hermione's reactions are right on. Again, their attitudes are a lot like what I think they'd be if Rowling was writing the scene. Ron is always the emotional one and then Hermione speaks up as the voice of reason. Personally, I like Ron's reaction the best. One thing with him, you never have to doubt whose side he's on.

When Harry and Hermione are speaking alone, they have an almost brother-sister camadrie going. Rarely, you see that in the books, but not often because Rowling tends to push Ron and Harry's friendship more. I like the way you've showed that relationship between Ron and Hermione here.

Today is kind of a busy day for me and tonight I have to get in bed early to go to work in the morning. Hopefully tomorrow night I'll get to the next chapter. YAY ! And if you're interested, the fifteenth chapter of my novel went up this morning.

Author's Response: Thanks so much again! I'm pleased that their reactions sound realistic. Ron, yes, he's extremely loyal to his friends, he is to his family too but Percy disappointed him to much in books 5 and 6. Now, the tricky one to write was Molly's reaction (which you will see in the next chapter) and over which I pondered for ages.

Have a nice day tomorrow. I'll read your chapter 15 soon too.


 Report Review

Review #8, by JLHufflepuff 

25th February 2008:
Things are heating up in this chapter, opening up so many more possibilities. At first I was skeptical about them using the Tarot cards and runes to find out if Percy really was a traitor, mainly because the trio never used any methods like this before due to Hermione's obsessive use of logic and ration. The fact that Hermione finally got into it and started using that method to guide their search made it plausible for me. I thought a shift in her was really shown when she said, "This is all supposed to be metaphorical." Hermione and metaphors! Woo! :) Anyway, Ginny also kind of took the lead which was nice.

I also think Harry's reluctance to get help from anyone is really in character. He has that savior-complex big time, and this just shows it.

I was a bit confused about what the result of their tarot reading actually involved, but I think I just need to read it a little more closely. So . I'm wondering who else is a traitor? At least that's what it seemed to be suggesting to me.

I think this chapter is quite strong, and I can see where you have made a big improvement in the flow of your dialogue, including explanations and such.

Author's Response: Thanks so much. Everybody seem to have enjoyed the Tarot scene, which I'm very pleased about. Now, of course the reading is very complex. I actually made up a true reading, the meanings are what they are supposed to be for Muggles anyway. I'm familiar with the Tarot myself but not really with the runes. I just researched their meanings a bit and try to come up with the most appropriate.

Hermione yes, well see may take to start reminding them that they cannot judge someone just because of a deck of cards. She obviously knew more about the runes in divination that she wanted to admit. Yes, that phrase, well Harry has taken a very simplistic idea in her mind and the need in her mind to put him right, or on a more orthodox track I thing upweights her scepticism. Ginny, well I can actually imagine her being a little psychic. I think she is more receptive because she is not so logical and no disrespect to males but they tend endorse the "fix it", rather than "get the feeling for it" attitude. Harry and Ron were willing to go for it but I don't honestly believe that either or them has really the "inner eye". Harry is very receptive and has a very strong sixth sense but I don't think in the divination sort of way, and I think it steams from different reasons.

Saviour complex, yes, all the way. What happens to him here is interesting because it's potentially very dangerous.

The reading is supposed to be left vague. It's by no means a exact science and they will have to go back to what they thought things meant as events unfold. I got her to read a book because I just coudn't envisage how and when Ginny had become a proficient Tarot reader. I show she is familiar with them, but just that. I didn't want to give them a certain, fool-proof answer. The wand, well Harry may be right, the treachery, well, the most important thing to remember is "it's not all what it seems" ... but I can't unfog the future anymore for now lol

I'm pleased that you think my dialogue has improved. I have been trying to strike some kind of balance for ever!

Thanks so much! I'm pleased also that your story is doing well in terms of the book club! Best of luck!


 Report Review

Review #9, by Bella_Portia 

23rd February 2008:
Sorry this took so long. I've had the flu, and I've had trouble staying awake.
I'm going to go somewhat backwards.
I thought your use of the tarot was excellent. For those of us who dabble in the tarot (I've never learned to read it proficiently), I think your detail adds a level of enjoyment. I also like that Ginny is the reader/medium. The tie-in with the Runes was interesting, also.

The medical details -- also very cool. Particularly the notion about LV killing by exploiting a psychic connection that certain people establish. I really liked the link to Narcissa's demise -- I hope to hear more about that.

Jumping to the beginning: I think it is a very effective beginning. I would just suggest more specificity as to what wakes Ron up. Also, in one of the early paragraphs, you refer to Harry as "scarily white" -- my thought was that perhaps you should describe the lighting, so it is clear how Ron can see what he looks like in the darkness of the night time. It would make it easier for the reader to picture the scene. Finally, when you say, "With a stroke of geniality" to describe Ron throwing water on Harry's face -- I thought that phrase sounded odd. "Geniality" does not seem to fit. "Genius," perhaps; but it seems more like desperation.

I liked the way the kids responded to Harry's news about the dream/vision. They seemed very much in character.

Good chapter!

Author's Response: I'm sorry to hear that you had the flue, it's horrible. Don't worry about taking your time at all. I'm always very grateful for your very helpful comments.

The Tarot I know it pretty well, but I wanted the Moon card to be shown with all its possible interpretations, hence I brought in the book. Ginny would not have described it so poetically herself, also I didn't want her to have too much knowledge because I thought it was unlikely that she had paid too much attention to Trelawney's instruction, mind you, maybe she got it from Firenze.

Voldy's ability to control people's bodies, well, a bit scary, I hope. Yes, there will be more on this and Narcissa is still floating about so yes, something will have to be done with her too.

Thanks for your tip about the lighting. I think of something to add there because it makes a lot of sense and as for Ron, also I'll try to think of a better way to word this.

Thanks so much!


 Report Review

Review #10, by Joanne K 

22nd February 2008:
Wow! I loved this chapter! I really liked the way you dealt with the Tarot cards and the Runes, it was well thought out, I loved how it all fell into place. I loved how you portrayed Hermione in this chapter, her skepticism at the start through to her mild acceptance at the end. I particularly liked your reference to Ginny as the seventh daughter as there were a lot of hints before DH that Ginny would be significant for this very reason.

I was expecting a bank break-in in this chapter, but this was a very good lead up chapter.

I did pick up on a few mistakes throughout this chapter, I'll PM you with them though.

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much Jo, I actually wanted to say that she was the seventh dauhter of the 7th daughter but I could'nt completely pull that in canon. Yes, I love my Gin as the High Priestess, well Harry is fairy impressed"!

I had to use that in a chapter though, the tarotn and the runes! Ginny read from a book because I didn't want her unrealistically knowledgable...

All in all, I'm so flattered!


 Report Review

Review #11, by Labby 

21st February 2008:
I really liked the tarot cards part - I thought you did it well. I really liked how Harry was trying to take a literal translation out of everything and Hermione and Ginny wanted to look further into it. That just seemed so real and so like their characters. This chapter did seem to go a little slow without too much happening, but we wouldn't have gotten the tarot card scene without it. I think the pace was fine, and I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I thought the chapter as a whole maybe a bit too long and seemingly irrelevant. Now, what happens to Harry physically has some significance because Hermione might have been right, that if he tries to force the visions as to what LV is up to, he in turn can control his body. The trouble is that Harry, being Harry, sees it as a source of information.

Now, the bit with the Tarot cards, yes, as I was writing it, I thought Harry would try to do in a more simplistic way. Ginny is the most psychic of the four of them. The thing with this is that they may all be right, or nearly right because these things are hard to interpret. Now, on to writing the next chapter and to make Molly very upset!

I'm glad you are still enjoying this story.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login
Add a Review