26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marzipan 

10th November 2010:
Hi there! This isn't going to be a long review, because I'm lazy and tired, but I thought it would be easier to review as I went through the story instead of having to come back. So here it is.

I didn't realize that this was a sequel for TWO of your previous works. I've read the present. before (most of it, anyway - I'm not sure if I ever finished. Will have to rectify that) so I have a bit of an idea about what's going on, but I've never read Reckless. I'll be optimistic and say I'm only half as confused as I could be :D

That being said, I really like it so far. You're imagery is beautiful, it is really a joy to read it. You definitely have a good grasp of Sirius' character (not that I would expect anything else ;)) And a very ominous ending to the chapter! Can't wait to read on and find out what happens!

Apparently I lied, this review isn't really "short". Ah well, I'm sure you don't mind :D

Author's Response: *hugs* Thank you sooo much! It means the world to me that you did this review after such a long day and nano-ing and everything else. Thank you!

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Review #2, by marinahill 

2nd October 2009:
Such rich descriptions make for an excellent and gripping first chapter, so I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take this. They were really quite effortless and so I didnt have any trouble picturing exactly what you were describing. I must admit, your Sirius is lovely, I'm extremely jealous of Hermione.

I'm impressed that you've made a sequel accessable to new readers as well as new ones, so i dont feel at a disadvantage at all because I've not read the story that came before this. I'll just enjoy the rest of the story without worrying if I'm missing something.

Onto the next chapter, then :)

- Marina

Author's Response: *hugs* Thank you so much for reviewing! I've felt so lost on this story since I'm not getting very much feedback on it and I appreciate your willingness to come take a look especially considering how busy you are. It really means more than I can explain.

Thank you, especially, for the comment about Sirius. When I was writing and updating frequently, I had a good grasp of his character but I've been afraid that I might have lost some of that in my writing absence. So thank you dearly!

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Review #3, by Potterholic 

26th May 2009:
I love it! Sirius/Hermione is not a ship I'd normally read, but it's growing on me, and I love how you wrote them together here. The description is amazing, and I definitely have to go back and read the present one of these days. =D I love how the Blacks are rising to royalty status once again; I'd love to see how Hermione adapt to that. ^_^

All in all, great work! Off to the next chapter!

Author's Response: The present will make it make more sense. I think it will stand alone but reading the present will definitely make you understand how Sirius/Hermione came to be in the first place.

I agree with the royalty statement and that's something I've thought alot about and want to include in this. Hermione - enjoying her new found position and Sirius always running from the Black label. I think it would be lots of fun to explore that.

Thank you for the great review!

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Review #4, by Arithmancy_Wiz 

25th May 2009:
Okay, I was just going post a review for the new chapter (because I'm actually intimated to review for you) but then felt bad about deleting your other review, so this is me making amends. But first, WELCOME BACK to the world of writing fanfic!! It hasn't been the same without you. And while this chapter was technically posted awhile ago, but it's all new to me, so allow me my moment of squee.

Now, onto the good stuff. This is a really great start to the story. I like how you let the information unfold slowly: who the character is, where he is, what has happened the night before, ect. There are some wonderful lines in here too that really give insight into the character's dry wit even before we are technically told who the character is. My favs include "...being found passed out was entirely another..." and "...A good bottle of..." I especially enjoyed the allusions to the garden wedding too. How sweet. Only one question. Where the pearls on the foot of the bed? Because Sirius doesn't stand up until later but they are described in the beginning as mounded at his feet.

Okay (*is scared about this part*), you said you also wanted critiques, so here are mine (for what VERY little they may be worth).

Sometimes the sentences are a bit wordy, and the superfluous words distract me from the main point so I have to read the whole sentence a second time. One example, though maybe not the best one: "He struggled from underneath the tangled mess of sheets that were wrapped around his legs, clinging to the end table in hopes of keeping himself from crashing into the stone floor." 'In hopes of keeping himself' reads strangely to me. Why not just "...to the end tables to keep from crashing to the floor..."?

There are also a few unnecessary adverbs that add to the wordy sentences. Example: "The liquid sloshed unevenly." To me at least, sloshed implies uneven. I don't think liquid can slosh evenly.

And this is probably just personal preference, but I like it better when the third person narrative stays mostly with a single character, particularly within a single, relatively short chapters. Narration often changes with the PoV of the character, and I think letting the narrator into everyone's had all the time breaks up the flow of the narrative or doesn't allow for the new, distinct voice that is each character. But again, that's probably just personal preference.

tt, I'm so, so glad you're writing again. Congratulations!!

Author's Response: *hugs* thank you so much for the kind words and the hand holding. It's scary to be doing this again!

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Review #5, by ChoS_sista_gurl 

25th May 2009:
Wow! I love Sirius, but I can't really seem to get him right, so I guess I'll substitute by reading him in your stories. After all, word on the street is that you're the best when it comes to Sirius Black. :) I recently favorited Reckless and I've been meaning to read it - if it's anything like this first chapter I'm sure I'll love it.

Sirius/Hermione is an intriguing pairing. This promises to be good. Favorited for sure! ;)


Author's Response: *hugs* Thank you for the sweet words!!! I love Sirius and hope that shows through in at least parts of it :)

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Review #6, by AndrinaBlack 

25th May 2009:
Oooh! It's their wedding night! Thank goodness it wasn't Draco she married! Now I can read the present too without having to be afraid about that.

A little thing. The end of this line doesn't really make sense to me. I think it could end at forget. "But today they were strangers echoes of a past he was doing his damnedest to forget he ever lived."

I loved your descriptions as always. There's both beauty and harsh reality in them. I love the way Sirius' emotions are kind of confusing in this chapter. He still loves Lily, but he loves Hermione too. And it's so sweet how Hermione understands and can accept that he has a past. At the same time it gives the story a good base to start from. The strong emotions about the past conflicting with the strong emotions of the present. I loved how you were also talking about his recklessness, making a connection to Reckless. Great start!

Author's Response: *huggles* Thank you, dear!

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Review #7, by Ydnas Odell 

1st February 2009:
Wonderful. I agree full with Jessi Rose's and JooJoo reviews and I doubt there is much I can add to their reviews.

At first I wasn't sure I understood your appreal to so many others. But really I do now. In truth your characterizations are sounder then any other I have read and your descriptive ability at least in this story is second to no one else on this site I have read except for maybe Noblevyne.

There's a couple of typos. For one the walls are 'stoned', which since Sirius is drunk in a way makes sense, but I think in general I can learn about writing by reading your stuff, especially the way you can handle having a lot of detail without it being overwhelming for the reader. Especially the way you handle romance in a mature but clean matter, something that I have no clue how to do.

I can't believe I read and reviewed this during the superbowl, but is a boring one anyway, not half as exciting as your fic has the chance to be.

DA Jones

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Review #8, by Kara_Jayde Malfoy08 

28th April 2008:
I loved 'reckless' and 'the present', and I can tell I'm going to love this one too.
I can't wait to read more of it.
Please update it soon

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Review #9, by harryloveshermione299 

13th April 2008:
cant wait to read more! i loved reckless and the present. i dont know how you will be able to write another story after those though, they were so good. both on my fav list. anyway... so far nice start

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Review #10, by BellaRegazza 

20th March 2008:
oh chilling! I'm glad you didn't end it on a perfect note, though. i think anyone who has been through what sirius has been through can ever be completely sane, mental-wise.

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Review #11, by mrs_muggle_malfoy 

19th March 2008:
well written. i really like the anonymous quote at the top. i'm excited to see th rest of this! i loved the present and reckless.

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Review #12, by Dru Dreams 

28th February 2008:
I read "The Present" and absolutely adored it. This is really good. Are you going to be continuing this? I hope so. I love SB/HG stories!

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Review #13, by Bears Kitty 

21st February 2008:
the story is going to be great this chapter wasnt nearly long enough though

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Review #14, by Jaggy 

29th January 2008:
*dangerous music plays in the background*

Uh oh...well, Hermione...if you want it to be good girl...lol.

Very amazing! I can't wait to see what you've got coming next. ;)

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Review #15, by Sweet Sorrow 

22nd January 2008:
You just had to make it two-in-one!
Gotta go read 'Reckless'
Fear not! I shall be back!

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Review #16, by lilyandjamesfan 

18th January 2008:
that was an excellant and it completely drew me in completely. i cannot wait to read more. i loved the present so much and i can already tell that im going to like this on just as much. the emotions were so vivid that i felt myself feeling them you, you definitely know how to capture a reader!

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Review #17, by Sibylla_luv 

15th January 2008:
I am sooo GLAD that you decided to go on with these two stories! I was in love with the present and totally hooked on it! I look forward to being hooked just as much if not more on this one! Thanks so much!

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Review #18, by Black_Grl2008 

12th January 2008:
I am so excited for this sequal hehe. well anyways its already amazing.

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Review #19, by nanette445 

10th January 2008:
thank you sooo much for writing a sequel to the present.
I can't wait to read more!!

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Review #20, by joojoo 

10th January 2008:
1700 and something words of perfection.
First of all, I love the strong statement with which you started this story. It really set the mood and brought me straight in.
The description in the first chapter was exquisitely done - not too much, but so thorough and delicate and particular that once again I was enthralled by your writing. I could actually quote that whole chapter, but I doubt you'd care for so much of your writing being given back to you like that. You evoked (almost) all the senses in those few short like: sight with the candles, walls and shadows, taste and scent with the peppermint and whiskey, touch with his hand through his sweaty hair. Gorgeously done.
I know for me to talk about how well you characterise Sirius is a complete and utter waste of space in a review, seeing as you are "The professor of Siriusly Black Magic", but it still has to be done. No one has really ever managed to keep the balance between Sirius' rugged, slightly haughty and completely reckless ways and his loyal, compassionate side quite as well as you have, and I seriously doubt anyone ever will.
And for that reason, and that reason alone, I think, is why you get away with such controversial pairings. Sirius and Hermione is one I would never dream at attempting on my own, but you pull it off absolutely flawlessly, keeping them each in complete character throughout it all. And that's shown really clearly right at the end where you've shown that she is slightly scared - then again, that;s part of the thrill of being with Sirius. You never know where his highly intelligent mind will take you. The calculated risks, well, they're risks anyway.
The onyl technical point I have to make is that at the start of the chapter you used "gray" for a description, and then for Sirius' eyes you used "grey". I mean, I know I'm being ludicrously nitpicky, but if you want to make sure every single aspect in this story is completely consistent, then you could consider changing one of them.
Needless to say, I'm absolutely enthralled by this first chapter and I'm ITCHING for more timeturner-Sirius. It has been a long time since I;ve had a fresh dose of any - and what better way to get some than in a new story? haha.
Thank you for posting this up. It had made my day!

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Review #21, by Jessi_Rose 

8th January 2008:
Only you could provoke a million different feelings at once in a reader, I swear it. Not only was I smiling when Sirius was smiling, but I felt the chill when Hermione felt the chill and was sad for Sirius and nodding along with Lily's ability to understand. And it didn't stop there either! Because now there's suspense and I'm not questioning the marriage I SO wanted to happen. You're a devil, you know? A very talented and gifted devil. =P

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Review #22, by Rose Wilts 

8th January 2008:
Yay. Another Story by the fabulous Timeturner. Your imagery is amazing, your characterization- flawless, flow- perfect. I love reading what you write, it makes me happy. :) I read reckless and loved it, I can't wait for an update, I don't care when, as long as I get one. Ha ha.


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Review #23, by CJ_Black 

7th January 2008:
Lovely chapter. I know I've been horrible for not reviewing for such a long time, but eh, better late than never, right? You pulled off a great start here, just like you usually do. This is probably the first of your stories that I have a chance to follow from the very beginning all the way to the end. I'm already wishing there was more of this story for me to read, but I can wait...hopefully. :P Once again, meeting your spectacular Sirius was wonderful, though I still haven't really gotten used to him being married. I already have a dozen questions running through my mind *rolls eyes*. Since this is a sequel to BOTH "Reckless" and "the present" (by the way, I still can't figure out how you managed to do that), I'm assuming Lily will make a significant appearance in the story. I'm already loving the way you've introduced her here, with Sirius having nightmares about her and "betraying" her - very, very nice. Also, the way you presented Sirius's (rather new) "royal" status - I just can't imagine what it's going to be like for Hermione, a Muggle-born witch with a very modest background, to be married to someone who's practically a king in the Wizarding World. Well, as you probably already know, I loved everything. The characters, the descriptions, the setting...yeah, everything. And as always, you left me hanging with a spectacular ending. How do you manage to write these endings? "The effect of his touch was only temporary, though, and for the first time since he’d come back from the veil, Hermione experienced a cold, distant murmur of fear at being in the clutches of Sirius Black." - that's just brilliant. No one can top that. Of course, congratulations are in order, as well as a 9/10 rating. Good luck with writing this amazing piece, I'll be looking forward to read more (and try not to pester you with "UPDATE SOON PLS"s). Huggles, CJ.

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Review #24, by mathildarose 

5th January 2008:
i'm very happy you're writing this. I'm an avid fan of yours and I almost read everything in your profile so imagine how happy I was to see this. I can't wait for what's next...

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Review #25, by Labby 

5th January 2008:

I haven't read the two other stories this is supposed to be based on, but I love this so far! I love your writing, each line is just so perfect and so well written. I think the story and plot is wonderful as well, and you've already drawn me in. I'm sure this story is going to be amazing and I can't wait to read it all, as it comes along. Great job and I look forward to an update!

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