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46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Megan waters 

1st March 2015:
"Everybody is Gryffindor screamed..." should be "all of the Gryffindors screamed" or something similiar.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'll change that asap, I think is was meant to be an in. Thanks for telling me. Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day. xxx

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Review #2, by AnnaAlloy 

27th December 2011:
You make really good Quidditch games. I'm sitting here, on my laptop, cheering. Haha well done! :)

Author's Response: Heya :) I'm so glad you think that, i thought I was awful at writing them! Thanks so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story and I hope you have a wonderful day!

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Review #3, by Secret Santa *hands you a candy cane* 

24th December 2011:
Hello! It's your Secret Santa here! I feel like I'm repeating myself with each review but every chapter is just so entertaining it's hard to say something negative. But I'm not a negative Nancy anyway!

Sorry if your name is Nancy...no offense! Just a saying!

Anywho. What an action packed chapter! I cringed a bit that she was meeting Regulus for another time. He has such a hold on her. I kind of see some parallels with this and the Human Factor because I feel like you are probing into what exactly makes Sirius, Nellie and Regulus human. Regulus has such conflicting ideals and he's just awful. He's so awful to her and yet I can understand why exactly she keeps wanting to be with him, she's too young to have to go through all the pain he brings her. It's really unsettling.

I found one typo:

I put the mouse back on the back of the stag before I jumping up

'I jumping up' doesn't really make any sense. I thought I'd point that out to you. :D

Author's Response: Hey :) And me neither :) I think it's always better to be a postivie person. And haha, my name isn't nancy :P

Yes! There was a lot of action in the queue! And yes, Regulus has a serious hold on her. Yes! There are probably similiarities in both of my stories. Regulus is a complicated character, you'll find out more about him throughout the story. Yes, it is a very hard situation for her. And thanks I'll fix that as soon as possible! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! xxx


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Review #4, by alicia and anne 

2nd December 2011:
Oh yum! I like the Chapter picture.
Hello by the way! Long time no see, How are you?
I really love the description you use to get across the characters feelings, like when you used the description of being on a bouncy castle for Nellie, and saying how she keeps tumbling.
Regulus is back! I wonder what he wants with her?
He is being a bit nasty towards her! Tut tut Regulus how can I like you if you're being mean? but I can't help but feel sorry for him and not being able to let Nellie go, *sigh* oh love and your cruelness, and then he goes and says something else that makes me not feel sorry for him! Gah! If I'm having trouble with my thoughts on him, I'd hate to think what NEllie is going through!
Haha! She's allergic to dogs :-D And awww she's talking tot he marauders without realising.
And the letter from her mum is downright hilarious! It's extremely fitting that her mum is basically and older version of her.
The preview looks so good! (I can imagine this is a tv show and there's music playing as Nellie threatens to break wands and then BOOM the credits roll.) Enough of my rambling :-D
Fantastic as always, I admire your writing and I love love love reading your stories! They're so original and well thought out, and so incredibly well written. I can't wait to read more of your awesomeness.

x

Author's Response: Heya :) It's lovely to hear from you, I've missed you. I've been well, how about you? Thanks! I'm glad you like my descriptions. They're always fun to write. Haha, Regulus is always a fun character to write, you just never know what he wants. Haha, exactly! You can never make up your mind about him. Haha, yes, Nellie mum is crazy, just like her. You're too nice to me seriously, thank you so much, you've made my day! I hope you have a wonderful day lovely. Thanks again.

xxx


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Review #5, by foreverfleur 

27th August 2011:
Ok this chapter definitely had many highlights--though I feel like there is more to Regulus and Nellie's story then we have learned already, props to her for really standing up for herself for a change! And that without Izzie to help her. I felt very proud. It didn't seem out of character at all and added nice movement to her character development! Im eager to see how their relationship progresses, because she does seem torn.

I was so scareddd when she ran into the boys--in animal form of course. I didn't want her to let anything slip about her relationship with Regulus to Sirius--though she did mention some. Their relationship is progressing so nice I just don't want to think about what that kind of revelation would do to them.. at least not yet.

The quidditch is always fun to read about as well. That Regulus and Nellie went head to head felt like another 'win' for her. Not just in the sense of the match, which clearly Gryffindor trampled Slytherin but in the metaphoric sense--like her character is finally coming to grips with herself, digging herself out of a dangerous/unhealthy spot with RAB.

Anyways clearly you have me excited! Awesome job! Looking fwd to the next!

Author's Response: Hello! Yes, the whole Nellie and Regulus story is wove throughout the novel. Exactly! She's growing up! I'm glad you didn't think it was OC or anything. Thank you! Yes, Nellie is very torn. Ah! She mentioned sum, but not all :) Haha, I havea feeling that the cat will come out the bag soon enough...

I'm glad you liked the Quidditch Scene! Exactly! But of course, she will always love Regulus because she just will. If he didn't join the Death Eaters, they would probably still be together.

Thank you so much for your reviews! I've loved reading & answering them!

xxx



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Review #6, by Chanel 

8th August 2011:
Hello deary! :D
So did you channel Luna in the epilogue of DH for Nellie's mother? That was the impression I got! :P Anyways, your writing style is adorable. Nellie has become such a real, flawed character, she is so interesting to read, I can only imagine how she is to write. That was a well written quidditch scene! Great job, those are hard to write! Also, I love the bit with Nellie spilling her guts to a dog, it's so in character for her, and it just makes everything that much better that it's actually Sirius! Speaking of Sirius, I feel that joke coming at some point in the next chapter.
'I was serious. Well actually, he was Sirius..." Or something like that! :D Hahaha anyways, great job!!
-Chanel (SlytherinPrincess55) (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Haha! Nellie's parents are pure awesome, they are crazy, yes, but pure awesome. I'm so glad you think that, it has made me smile. I'm so glad you think Nellie is flawed. That was my main thing to do. And I don't like writing Quidditch scenes so I'm glad you thought I did it well. Haha! That made me giggle. It would have been funny! I hope you like the rest of the chapters too! Thanks so much for the review! xxx

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Review #7, by girly1393 

16th March 2011:
I love her mother. She reminds me of a slightly more insane Luna.

Regulus is an ass. I'm glad he changes his mind later in his life and tries to do something about Voldemort, but right now he's an ass.

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: Yes, her mother is crazy :) I love writing her letters.

Yes, but he's got to grow :) But he is quite the idiot at the moment.

Thank you and thanks for the review :) It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.
xxx


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Review #8, by Lillylover22 

9th March 2011:
her mother is hilarious!! 9/10 =]

Author's Response: I love Nellie's mother. She's so fun & so much like Nellie. Same as Nellie's dad. I hope you like the next chapter too =D Thanks for the review, I'll try to update soon. xxx

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Review #9, by SearchingForLuna 

2nd January 2011:
Owww. Quidditch sounds painful.

But YAY! GRYFFIES WON THE MATCH!

I adore Nellie's mom. She's so ... cool :)

This is super procrastination. You know I've got an essay due tomorrow, right? *panics* I CAN'T STOP READING.

10/10 :P

Author's Response: Quidditch is painful, I think, Ouchie

Yepp ;D

Nellie's mom is awesomee.

Haha, I adore it. Don't worry, I am too, ignoring my college work.
But good luck on your essay, when you get round to it.
(i always leave mine till last minute too!)

yay!

thanks so much.
- Keely.


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Review #10, by Ignorance 

3rd September 2010:
YAY! She showed Regulus!!!
I love the fact she plays Quidditch, i makes her different from most characters, which is awesome.
Her mum is the coolest person ever! I love the nicknames, brilliant.
10/10 ;)

Author's Response: Yep! Girl Power!
I'm glad you like that about Nellie's character!
Haha, yep! I hope to include her parents in the story if it works, but who knows :)
thanks for the review.
xx


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Review #11, by CessZ 

15th August 2010:
"If only I had an ark, I could be the next Noah."
This line made me luagh SO much...
Camel Toe = Regulus = Lots of Laughs!
yay for Gryffindor!!! Slytherins boo!!
Well now that my excitement has been taken under control I congratulate you on an another wonderful chapter...I coyuld never write a Quidditch scene but you've managed really well... Great job!!! :)

~CessZ

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad ;)

Yay for Gryffindor!

Thanks. I really don't writing them scenes, so I'm glad you thought I did okay.

Thanks so much.
xxx


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Review #12, by katebabelovesharrypotter 

25th July 2010:
I like that her mum seems crazy and fun like her. Love from your family is always good.

Author's Response: Yes! It wouldn't make sense for Nellie to be such a happy character without her family being somewhat like that :)

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Review #13, by Myriad 

14th July 2010:
“I’ve moving through the crowds of people.” I’m instead of I’ve

“…but Izzie’s antics with Cade made sure they never did start any trouble.” Would read better as ‘Izzie’s antics with Cade made sure they never started trouble’.

“I felt something I’m not that really used to…” flip the words really and that, or cut the word that.

“I sighed pulling my cloak closer, I blocked out peoples conversations. Get a few snippets of people conversations always confuses me. I’d rather hear it all or nothing at all.” This whole section reads weird. Perhaps you should drop the second sentence entirely?

I really think you should get a beta. You’ve got a lot of mistakes, tiny and not so tiny, that having an extra set of eyes would really help you catch. If you’re interested I’d be happy to go over it in more detail for you, PM me in the forums if you want me to.

“I hit my fist off the floor, but I managed to scrape it off something sharp which was in Regulus bag.” This needs rewording. It’s a tad confusing

“The sound of my hand colliding with his face made an echo all around the room. We stood there for a moment, glaring at each other. For a moment, I could feel that all love was lost and it had been replaced by hate. His grey eyes burned with loathing. I’d never seen him look like this at me.” This paragraph was really well done.

“I picked up the rat and began to stroke in affection ally with my good hand.” Instead of ‘affection ally’ it should be ‘affectionately’. You do this a lot throughout this chapter.

You should use more contraction in the text. Most of the dialogue is fine without, but the other parts seem oddly formal sometimes. I’ve noticed it in other chapters as well. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was until just now. You really do have good pacing for this story, but the formal language and fragments and other things I have mentioned before I seriously messing with the flow. Pacing is nothing if the flow of the chapter isn’t there.

I like the recurring thing with the saying’s that Nellie gets. It’s nice that you link the chapters this way. I hope you keep doing that.

“Remus, said, sitting in the commutating box.” Commentating? Commentators?

This was another pretty god chapter. It seemed shorter than the others, and it seemed a little filler-ish, but it was still good.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for pointing all those out. I've gone and changed them all.

Thanks for the compliment about the paragraph :D It made me smile.

Thank you, I'll think I'll PM you very soon if that's okay?

Yes! I've been re reading and I can see what you mean. It is a bit odd so I will try to work on that. Thank you.

Yes! Don't worry, I will.

Ah! Changed it.

I guess it was, but I needed this chapter to build to up later stuff.


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Review #14, by TallestTower 

11th July 2010:
Yay Regulus is back! I mean to say boo, because Regulus is so horrible, but I still kind of like him... what I mean to say is, I like it when he's in the story! ;)

This chapter was very dramatic towards the beginning. It's always interesting and strange to see Nellie with Regulus because her character changes - she becomes more mature and bitter. And this chapter was violent... woah! I liked it when Nellie smeared her blood on Regulus' cut and said that his blood was dirtied too.

I hate Regulus for how horrible he is, but I cant help but love the tension between them.

And I can't believe Nellie got to meet the marauders as animals! I loved her acceptance of a stag, a mouse and and a dog just chilling about the place... so Nellie haha! And she was allergic to Sirius :D Erm, this review isn't particularly helpful is it... I'm just talking about what happened in the chapter, which you already know because you wrote it (Well, I hope you already know!) Right, more specific...

I really enjoyed the developments between the characters. One thing that confuses me is Nellies relationship with Sirius before this year - she was on the Quidditch team with him, so how did they not speak much? Was she always just a bit of a weirdo?

The only thing I noticed about this chapter was quite a few grammatical errors... not horrific punctuation or anything, just a couple of mistakes e.g:

He was always going to be Regulus. No matter what he did, he would live in the shadow of a ‘scum bag Muggle loving Gryffindor’ as Regulus [put it on many occasions.

Sneaky brackets. Who do they think they are anyway? :P

I'm only pointing that one out because you told me to in the authors note, but there weren't so many mistakes that it slowed the flow of the chapter.

This was a great chapter, and the preview for the next one looks really exciting. Luckily, I'm nine chapters behind right now, so I don't have to wait for updates! Yay for lazy people!

Thank you for posting :)

Author's Response: Carrot! Howdy!

A lot of people feel like that about Regulus, he has a real love hate thing about him. And yes, I love it when he's in the story. It's just really fun.

Yes! Regulus broke her heart, so he brings that side of her, plus she is bitter towards his lifestyle choices. Thanks, I'm glad you like it, I was worried people might find it a bit weird, but I got the scene in my head and I just has to write it.

I thought I'd chuck that in, just for comical aspects. She's sitting there with her ark, when it's actually her friends.And I thought it would be good for her to be allergic to dogs :D Since it's a Sirius/Oc

It's fine, I actually forget loads. I mean, I've been getting chapter images, and for the love of life, I can't remember if I ever gave specifics for Lucas.

Ohh! I'll pick them up when I go through this with my beta. We're not this high up yet.

Yay :D I just hope you like what is to come :)

Thanks for your amazing review carrot.
I really adore them.

much love + wiggling ;)
Keely
x


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Review #15, by shayrocks50 

28th March 2010:
i love quidditch its the best sport ever and i soo want to play it to bad i dont know what to do about the snitch but after i figure that part out i will play quidditch...of course im going to have to find 14 people to play too...thats probly going to be the hardest part

Author's Response: Haha. Yes, Quidditch is awesome :D Haha. What you going to do about the flying part? ;)

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Review #16, by lollipop_marauderette 

29th May 2008:
that was a quick match

ROCK N ROLL

Author's Response: Yeah, I know, Matches are always hard to write. x

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Review #17, by Ali Weasly 

29th May 2008:
The quiditch scene was a bit to quick. But its still pretty good.

Author's Response: I know, I find those scenes hard, but thank you. xxx

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Review #18, by JSB 073 

26th May 2008:
Quidditch is always such a fun game.

Author's Response: I agree. xx

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Review #19, by magicked_ 

6th April 2008:
yay gryffindor won :D
ah, i feel kinda bad for regulus, even if he is being a butthole :P

Author's Response: yuppers.
yeah, me too =(


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Review #20, by SlytherinxSin 

16th March 2008:
hi.

You mentioned that you wanted us to tell you if you had any typos, and I noticed one.

In Nellie's letter from her mom, you put P.S.S., when it is actually P.P.S.
P.S. stands for post script, so P.P.S. would stand for post post script.

Sorry if it's a tad confusing.
Love the story and everything in it!
Keep up the good work.
=]

Author's Response: thank you so much, i'll go and change it. xxx

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Review #21, by marieluz 

29th December 2007:
First off, no typos. Yay! 2nd, Nellie's mom is really weird. She sounds really nice, though. I bet she likes rhymes. 3rd, yay! They won the match!

Author's Response: Yay ;)

haha, yes she is, like mother like daughter ;) Haha, yes.

yuppers :)
xxx


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Review #22, by The Golden Trio 

26th December 2007:
not as exciting as the other chappies, but still good! i like the way you portray Regulus, because he is a difficult character, given the little info about him in the HP series. so for that, great job!

~xoxo TGT

Author's Response: Sometimes drama has to die down ;) But don't worry, it's on it's way. Thank and yeah he is. Just that he was bad, but then turned good, but failed.

aw, thank you.
xxx


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Review #23, by Rivy 

6th December 2007:
She hit the ground but she caught the snitch. That's my kind of player. Loving the story and Nellie Wellie Bellie. Camel toe? That's hilarious!

Author's Response: Haha, yess ;)

I'm glad you found camel toe funny,

xxxx


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Review #24, by tripping billies 

26th November 2007:
Ah, another great chapter (: haha I love the preview... I can't wait to see what happens (:

Author's Response: thank you, it should be up soon, x

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Review #25, by Always Dreaming 

26th November 2007:
LOVE THIS STORY TO DEATH! Calling Regulus Camel Toe was HILARIOUS! OH MY GOSH!

Author's Response: I'm so happy you found it funny. xx

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