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13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Georgia Weasley 

2nd January 2009:
Well, i don't know if I'm with Moody and Ron on Harry's decision or not. Malfoy was willing to do the Unbreakable Vow, and I think I might have taken him up on it. I think you have Harry's character down well, though. He would have yet ANOTHER death on his conscience if Draco died because of the vow. I missed all of the hatred and mistrust Harry had for him in HPB, though. That darker side of Harry kind of made him more human to me. The dream was interesting. I wonder what kind of foreshadowing that holds for us.

Author's Response: Shanon, thanks so much babe for coming back to this! Made my day, honestly! Now, Draco's loyalty will be tested to extreme points... (not necessarily by the Order, or Death Eaters... I think you guess by whom...) In fact, he will be tortured... He really has landed himself unwittingly in a bad place indeed adn things don't get any easier for him, so maybe in my capacity of fancying Harry, as the author, I'm taking revenge (not that I would ever do that! lol). Harry still dislikes the guy very strongly but yes, Harry has this weakness in terms of preventing further deaths on his account... I see how you feel about wanting more antagonism between them, but well, it comes a point when one must co-operate or be damned. Now, the dream, will sound like a lot of fluff for a while when indeed holds the answer to the whole quest! x

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Review #2, by SpringTime 

15th November 2008:
I loved the way you described Draco's feelings and how the room almost reflected his despair. The dialogue between Harry and Hermione was great. I also thought you played out the Kreacher interview very well, the only crit I have for that is that Kreacher didn't sound very house elvish, more like a normal person. I realize that it is difficult to write their nuances, but I think it is important. Also you have Kreacher stopping himself from say mug... in stead of mud... b/c muggle is an okay word isnt it?
Maybe I am bein forgetful, which could definitely be the case, but when did Draco try to kill Ron? I liked Harry's Vow idea, and like where it is going.
I loved the end part with the unicorn, the decription in that was lovely and vivid. I could picture it exactly and the end was a nice little touch, even if he is a little perv ;)

Author's Response: I must say, I don't think I have ever managed to do house-elves' speech very well. I might try to go to the books and she how JKR actually does their speech. You're also right that he should have tried to say "mudbloods", another oversight on my part.

Now, the time I'm referring to is when Draco in HBP sends poison mead to Slughorn, which Ron ends up drinking sort of accidentally. Of course, he was hoping that Slughorn would give it to Dumbledore not Ron but Ron obviously still holds a grudge about it, as does Harry.

Now, the unicorn, well... it may be more to this than just the fluff element.


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Review #3, by crazygingercatlady 

8th October 2008:
That has to be the best birthday present in the world! A ride on a unicorn- how on earth did you come up with that one?

Anyway, another great chapter. Draco's situation is getting more and more intriguing. You really manage to draw the readers sympathy for him and you highlight the difficulties of his situation really well. Like with Harry, I can't praise you enough for such a brilliant characterisation of Draco. You are superb at maturing characters and showing how events have changed them. And any changes you make are always believeable and fit into the story perfectly.

I thought the part with Kreacher was really well written. Again, I found it interesting how your story tied in with the DH version. I'm intrigued about Cissy situation, whether it means something more to the overall plot or whether it's just there as trauma for Draco. Your plot is fantastic and it really hooks me in and makes me want to read more and more to find out how it all ends. Though I do have a bit to go yet lol.

Tory

Author's Response: Ah, I'm pleased that you like my idea of the unicorn. I wanted to start and finish this chapter with very contrasting dreams, although there will be a little more to the unicorn that it meets the eye. I actually associate unicorns with purity but in terms of purity of the soul rather than the maiden legend.

Now, Narcissa being a ghost, well, she has unfinished business. She didn't get the chance to say good bye to her son. In a way this is a device to bring the priest back into the story. Of course, I'm really paying Draco back for having been so horrible all these years. Harry still doesn't like him but he is a compasionate person and he feels a little sorry for him. Ron will probably be hardest to convince.

Yes, this story is turning out very long. Maybe I have been a bit over ambitious by combining the adventure element with the psychological aspects.

I can't thank you enough for all the wonderful reviews! x


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Review #4, by juls 

10th May 2008:
So- Harry's truly grown up finally, and set aside some of that anger he holds within towards Malfoy. It's nice to see that he's taken some charge, and figured out how to keep Kreatcher in line. Poor elf- just needs a little love, actually.

Wonder just how Harry is going to get Ginny's present.

Another 2 great chapters, dear. Onward for me!

~~juls

Author's Response: Thanks so much once again!

Harry, yes, he's growing up in some regards. Even if he still doesn't like Malfoy, he has a compasionate nature. Also, he seems very touched by the fact that Narcissa seems to be between worlds. At least he knows that his own parents are resting in peace, as they should.

Kreacher will come back into the story later. I may make him make up with Harry, maybe...

Ginny's present, well, I didn't put this in hear just for fluff. After all, Voldy once fed on unicorn blood...

I'm so glad you're enjoying this story.


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Review #5, by Shellee 

19th April 2008:
Finally I got to read another chapter again, sorry for the wait, my head is hurting damn loads and I've been busy with helping a friend and getting things in order to move to the UK. =)
I feel so bad for Draco, it's never fun to know your mother died. Then he has to get over it in a rather unfriendly environment where he wouldn't get much privacy. Even dream about her, unnecessarily horrible. Poor thing.
Rather tricky to find the right words to not have an house elf tell all their secrets. He can use props as paper, body language. Ah well, I'm sure he'll do fine now. I'm always weirded out though, when Kreacher's eyes bulge and he turnes purple and stuff as if he wants to say things, but doesn't, you know? It seems rather painful at times. I'm glad they're a step further now, they have an Horcrux, now to find out how to destroy it.
Draco's dream was probably about his mother again. Harry was very nice to not have Draco suffer more and have to make the Vow or drink Veritaserum. He really is considerate and I'm sure Draco wouldn't take advantage about it and he appreciates it.
Lovely dream though. I can't help but wonder things, how things are going to go with Harry and Ginny.
Love it and to the next one.

Author's Response: Oh, I know you're excited about moving here! Where abouts do you plan to live? Ok, back on topic, yes poor Draco but I guess the Order needs some kind of reassurance because, ok, he's not likely to go to Voldemort now but he was a Death Eater, so I guess they are frightened of being betrayed and the consequences of that. Harry is a compasionate person and he felt like that himself for a good part of his life, alone and with the Dursleys, so he doesn't have it in him to make matters worse for Draco, although, ok he still doesn't like him no matter what.

Draco, well, deep down he appreciates that Harry is being decent but he almost resents having to be morally in-debt to him. I think it is in his nature to be manipulative, as you will see later, but probably most of his stuck up attitude is due to his upbringing.

The dream, well... it seems like a lot of fluff at the moment, but there is more to it than in meets the eye...

Harry and Ginny, well I think I have given away too much in threads, so, ok, their love story is important in this fiction and so is their sexual interaction later on and not just in the obvious way, bearing in mind that she was possessed too...


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Review #6, by Gords7015 

24th March 2008:
Haha, really good end to the chapter there. The imagry was right out of one of those cheesy romance novels that you see in bookstores (the strong shirtless man on the white horse with the beautiful woman on another...) . A good chapter, and its interesting that Harry got good at Legilimancy! Good work!

Author's Response: Ok, yiou're not the first one to say that the unicorn scene was cheesy! Of course it was! Bear in mind that this is yet the most important clue I have plaed so far...and it's double-edged, it has to do with Harry and with the quest...

Harry certainly can do legilimency just no with Snape for many reasons!

Thanks so much again...


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Review #7, by AnnaKay 

18th March 2008:
What a poor child. I would just like to take Draco and give him a huge hug. He deserves it and I think that he is being tortured enough with him having to see his mother as a ghost. I don't think that many people could handle that.

Thank goodness for Harry realizing what needs to be done and being compassionate. Harry has always had a good quality to him and it is showing. It really sounds like he is growing up and realizing a lot of things.

Author's Response: Yes, he's in fact a lot worse off than Harry insofar as Harry is sure that his parents are "in the right place" and poor Cissa! I guess she is somewhere trapped between this world and the next and she's not happy as opposed to good old Nick and the other ghosts at Hogwarts would seem contented floating about. She has unfinished business because she never had the chance to say "good-bye" to her son and now unwittingly is driving him insane.

Yes, Harry is very touched by this. It's something he doesn't think he would have been able to cope with, in a way, he almost feels fortunate by comparison. In my opinion, Harry has many flaws but he's honorable and compassionate. He truly would like to be able to help him.


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Review #8, by Aurora Dawn 

3rd March 2008:
Hi Morgana,

Draco puts me in mind of Sirius here. He's on the run and stuck in that horrible house. Not a nice place to be.

Harry also has moments when he puts me in mind of Sirius. There are times when he seems mean to Draco, which Sirius certainly would have been if it had been he and Snape in the same position. On the other hand, Harry does have his mother's kind heart and that seems to be winning out.

I'm not sure that Harry is as wise or observant as you present him there at the end though, when he makes the decision not to make Draco make the vow. I could see Dumbledore making a choice like that, but not Harry.

Harry's thoughts about Ginny made me laugh. Poor boy is getting increasingly impatient I see. (And how can he be sure that Ginny is a maiden anyway? If she knew he was making speculations and assumptions like that, she'd probably smack him again).

The unicorns are an easy way to illustrate that your character has that kind of innocence and to add another facet to the development of their personality. I've already done that with Kerri in my novel, although I'm not sure anyone has caught it.

I noticed more typos and things in this chapter than in the last few, mostly in the first few paragraphs. There are a few places where your verbs abruptly change tense and some misspellings.

Other than that, well done.

Author's Response: Harry is very much in conflict here in various levels. Draco, yes, part of him wants to kick him and part of him feels sorry for him. The vow, you may be right that Harry is not normally so insightful but it could have crossed his mind that if Draco is put under the imperius curse he would die as a result and Harry is not into killing people (unless it's LV we are talking about). Yes, his good heart dominates a bit.

The way I view him is as someone who struggles with the fact that others look upon him as if for answers. He is not the leader on paper but his opinion seems to count a lot, and yet he is still a teenager in so many other respects, and of course, he has hormons... Ginny, well, you are right, she would probably smack him, but well, she probably feels exactly the same way, it's just that I think girls in real life handle themselves a little more skillfully. Watch out for the unicorn, you caught the symbolism really well. I actually think I made a comment in one of my reviews of your story. However, there is more to the unicorn than symbolism. Bear in mind that LV fed on unicorn blood in book 1...

By all means point out any grammar, spelling etc errors. I started combing this story for this and I think I got as far as just before there, so I must go and do this at some point.

I'm glad you are enjoying this and thanks so much for your really interesting and analytical reviews.


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Review #9, by kara101 

22nd December 2007:
I was looking at your other reviews. They are so long and mine are so short so I am so sorry about the lengths of these reviews. I have not much to say because to me this is beautifully written and I can not find things to critique. I too am a writer, I only have one story, so I have edited my chapters a few times and I am guessing you have too so that is why it is so good. Enough rambling, back to business.

Narcissa as a spirit thing, creepy but orginal. The bit about the unicorn seemed a bit weird to do with this chapter.

I love this story so far and I still agree with what I said earilier, this sounds like JK wrote it. Hope my reviews have helped so far and I am off to review the remaining 3 chappies.

Hermione G- Looks like I finally wrote a somewhat long review yay!

Author's Response: Please, please, again, do not worry about the length of your reviews. They are honest, encouraging and in-depth, which is wonderful! Besides, not everybody has sticked with me so long. I will read and review your story too, I was thinking about it actually. Goodness, I could make a full-time job of this forum, between writing and reading and answering to threats! This is just so addictive!

Cissa, yes, poor soul! I think she needs some help! All she is trying to do if pass her love to her son for the last time and she is hopelessly keeping him from sleeping.

The unicorn, well, wait and see. My last chapter has something on this but it doesn't become clear until later on why it's important. It's in fact VERY important... I'll keep you intrigued. Now, maybe it doesn't show, I mean the fact that it will be important. Also, I wanted to start and end the chapter with dreams of a very different nature. There seems to have been a reversal in fortunes, Draco's mind is torture and Harry's life appear a little on the up.

I do love your reviews, and I mean it! I'm very, very grateful!


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Review #10, by Bella_Portia 

28th November 2007:
Okay. This was an odd chapter.
The first section with Malfoy was far and away my favorite. But it caused me to think how great it would have been if he had his own chapter to deal with these matters -- his struggles with The Book, his discoveries (this "dark" dimension gives your story a lot of depth and interest), the whole business about burying his mom and Snape's explanation of why it was a good idea and how he felt about it. I'd like to have read about all that stuff. (Nitpicking: "founding" -- should be finding. "or in the light, to be more precise" -- an overly cute expression in an otherwise quite effective paragraph.)

If I were making a suggesting to "recontour" this chapter, i would suggest that the greater part of the chapter deal with Draco (in flashback, given the chronological situation), and a much shorter section dealing with the only other four significant things that happen, which involve TWO people, and which are that (1) Harry pulls rank over everyone else in the order in determining what will happen to Draco; (2) Draco takes an Unbreakable Vow (which is terribly significant and emotional event, but it happened offstage??); (3) Kreacher spills about him and Regulus and the green stuff; and (4) they order Kreacher to do/refrain from doing stuff like disclosing certain things to Malfoy. None of this is half as interesting as what's happening to Draco and his mom. (And what's up with the Dark Arts prohibition? Does that mean he can't summon his mom or repeat the spell or do whatever interesting spell that Book contains? But I digress.) The point being, most of the story was devoted to the less interesting elements. I kept wanting Draco to get back to his reading.
Forget Ginny on a unicorn -- give me more Dark and Evil Spellbooks.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this again. Yes, I agree the Draco bit is the most interesting part, so I may either re-organise this or deal with it further later. Now, ok, since it is relevant to the Horcrux hunt I had to have the Kreacher story at some point.

Now, I know the plot here is virtually identical to the canon one but I actually planned it like that from the beginning, the only main difference is that the potion is a lot more important here (tells Voldemort who has drank it) so Voldemort knows that this Horcrux may have been destroyed... even if it hasn't.

Draco is prepared to take the Vow, but actually doesn't. Harry stops that because he is frightened that if he gets capture and put under the imperius curse, Draco would die. The Kreacher bit bored me a bit as well, admitedly, but it had to come out somehow.

Now, Ginny and the unicorn may sound as a lot of fluff but there is a lot more to it than meets the eye (there will be a good clue as to this in chapter 20, in validation at the moment), well, unicorn stuff has properties...

What the book contains, apart from lots of dark magic is the spell that Narcissa did unilaterally to try to pacify Voldemort in the Llamas chapter, so it will not aid Draco in this respect. In the next chapter you will see a pretty morose Draco but he still retains his basic personality. I probably could do this better though, thanks for pointing this out. Draco grieving is a little hard to do though, since I imagine him being very introverted and I can't do a crying Draco to save my life! (although JKR of course can!) but since I can do it from his point of view without dialogue, I'm sure I could improve this.

"founding" was meant to be "finding" of course, I'll go and change that.

I'm very grateful for your reviews, they make a lot of sense and make me think which is wonderful. You have such good ideas that I'm tempted to owl you as to how I go about from here but I would have to give away the plot and spoil it for you and I don't want to bombard you either. Ok, you may get your wish with the evil spell books!

Hugs x


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Review #11, by JLHufflepuff 

23rd November 2007:
The developments in this chapter are very interesting. I like the way you go into Malfoy's emotions and thoughts more, as well as how you develop the background of where the locket is. It's interesting that you have Kreacher making Regulus drink the potion, as well. So Draco did take the vow? I wonder if there is anything to the symbolism in Harry's dream at the end.

Author's Response: Ok, this chapter was written after DH, so Kreacher drinking the potion is not my original idea, however the fact that he was involved is! I got that impression by re-reading the cave chapter in HBP (Dumbledore's comments on how it required two people but only one's magical input could register). Now, Malfoy, yes, he is not having a good time to put it mildly. As for the vow, Harry stopped it happening because he thought that if he was captured and say, put under the Imperius curse it would result on his death (Draco's). Harry is also very concern about the whole Narcissa not having passed away properly, it actually bothers him quite a bit, so he is being a bit soft.

The dream, ah, I can't give away too much. In the chapter I'm writting at the moment, him and Ginny get to make it a reality and something will be given to them by the unicorn... something really paramount to the plot. In another level, the whole purity, virgen etc concept comes into play too because the first time that Ginny and Harry actually do it (in more or less extreme circumstances but wait and see... written but belongs towards the end of the story) Harry will think of the unicorn again, as it is happening, and the message is that he is still pure no matter what he may have got up to or what part of himself does not really belong to him. I think it is safe to give you this hint because I believe my summary points in this direction (and that was my guess before DH too).

I'm so glad you are still reading and reviewing. I look forward to more on your Scorpius, I just love that kid! x


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Review #12, by jyyl94 

15th October 2007:
Wow, I totally LOVE the descriptions at the beginning of the chapter !! Amazing work on it, and I can tell that you've put in a lot of effort on it. A very detailed chapter, I love it. One of my favourites too ! There was one sentence, where Harry was talking to Malfoy, but instead you put Moody. You should correct that one. ;D Great chapter, and I can't believe I'm at chapter 18 already !!

Author's Response: Thanks, if I named the wrong character, this is just plain careless on my part! I'll go and check and change that. I really tried to imagine Grimmauld Place from the window. I thought actually that the house they use in film 5 is very canon actually. I have lived in London so I can sort of imagine the type of building but I also wanted to convey Draco's feelings and I thought it may be interesting to start and finish the chapter with dreams, or mention to dreams but of a complete opposite kind. And, by the way, I can't believe you have read so much in one go either! This can only mean that you really, really like it! x

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Review #13, by Joanne K 

26th September 2007:
Wow! Did you you have that idea about Regulus and Kreacher before DH, if so then you are as psychic as you claim I am!

Sorry, I just had to pick up on this line: "Maybe I've had, actually." It should read "Maybe I had, actually."

Can't wait for the next chapter, if only the validation queue wasn't so long!

Author's Response: Yes, I thought about house-elf magic not registering before DH by re-reading the cave chapter in HBP, I think Dumbledore plants a clue by saying to Harry that the magic was well designed because two people were needed and by saying that as Harry was underage he wouldn't count and since most people guessed about Regulus and the elf was ever so fond of him, well, I think this was really deduction. Yes, thanks very much for spotting the wrong tense, I'll go and change it but again, the queue. Chapter 18 is still in the pipeline but I'll try to get it done this week. Thanks so much for keepig up with this, hugs x

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