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70 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AnnaAlloy 

25th December 2011:
Aw she doesn't fail at life per se. Well. Anyway I'll get on with the review, shall I? I just wish Izzie wasn't so "arrogant." She seems to always be the one to get Nellie all embarassed and what not. Sometimes its funny, other times its plain annoying. Thats who the character is, though. I'm not complaining, just saying what I feel needs to be said. Anywho, overall I loved the chapter. My stomach lurchs when the Marauders come because I know something greats about to go down. This chapter is brilliant.

Author's Response: Haha, don't worry :) That is what makes Izzie. It's a flaw and it's also her barrier. She puts that out there so people don't see she has a soft side! Haha. I'm so glad you like the chapter :) It means a lot to me. You're far too nice to me! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! Xxx

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Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

15th December 2011:
Okay. So I'm really too lazy to open word and copy and paste my favorite quotes like I tend to do. So, I always just pick the first thing that makes me laugh and I mention it.

Now, this might sound silly but your author's note was the first thing that made me laugh! Ready:

Plus, I would have made the world a little whack. Dobby for Minister of Magic anyone? Harry in a tutu? Peter strutting?

Favorite disclaimer ever!

Anywho. I have missed Nellie. She's awesome. I love all the OCs you create, they're all so different from each other. I have to get back into the groove of Nellie but I love her childlike humor. 'Fish finger' that's sort of cute in an odd Nellie way.

Author's Response: Haha, That's fine. I'm just glad you enjoyed it Haha, I'm glad you like my notes, they're pretty random at times :)I'm so glad you like all my ocs, it means a lot to me. Thank you, haha, it's always fun to be in Nellie's childish mind. It's just so pure. Thank you so much for the review, it means a lot to me! I hope you have a great day! xxx

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Review #3, by CassiePotter 

11th December 2011:
I love the banter between Nellie and Izzie in this chapter. It's so relatable! (though I can't say I've had my friends throw apples at me) the humor in your story is excellent, and you reveal Nellie's character in perfect little doses. We aren't overpowered by backstory, but we also k ow enough to keep coming back for more, while not being confused. 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Heya :) I'm glad you like the banter, I had a lot of fun writing it. Haha, I have, it hurts ;) Make sure to dodge. I'm glad you find them relatable. Thanks! I'm so glad you think that, it is what I was trying to do and I'm glad it's came across. It means a lot to me. thanks so much for the review and I hope you like the rest of the story just as much. I hope you have a great day! xxx

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Review #4, by Rexy 

29th October 2011:
Nomnomnom on the apples, Draco isn't going to be happy ^^ nice plot keep it up

Author's Response: I love apples, they're so nice and I'm glad you like the plot so far, this makes me super happy! Thanks so much for the review, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story and I hope you have a great day! xxx

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Review #5, by foreverfleur 

24th August 2011:
I really feel like I'm in the head of a seventeen year old girl! This was another brilliant chapter on your end.

The way you are able to seamlessly fuse character development with dialogue is absolutely great! I envy your skills!

Really looking forward to reading the next chapter! So glad I found this story!

Author's Response: Thanks! That's what I wanted to do. I wanted it to be like you are right there next to her as she experiences everything. You are so nice! I wrote this all years ago so It may be a bit rusty at times! That has just made my day! I hope you enjoy the next chapters and I'm so glad you found this story too because you are really cheering me up when I needed it the most. Thank you. xxx

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Review #6, by Chanel 

5th August 2011:
Oh dear lord! I LOVE this story so far! (: For a combination of things really, the characters are all so different and perfectly characterized (not to mention, it is EXACTLY like my group of friends that I hang out with; down to the very t!), the flow is so excellent, and I love that the chapters mirror Nellie's personality! Some people may not, but it's just one of those personal preference things! Not to mention, I love Sirius/OC.:D You're doing an amazing job and I can't wait to continue reading!!
-Chanel (Gryffindor) (SlytherinPrincess55)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you're liking the story so far, it means a lot to me. haha! I'm so glad you can relate, i based it a little from what I'm like with my friends. Thank you! I like all my chapter titles to match on every single story! Haha. I'm so glad you have left such a nice review and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

xxx


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Review #7, by Vivre 

31st May 2011:
I think that I am in love with this story, its just so hilarious!! But the best thing is, is that Nellie and Izzie remind me soo much of my best friend and I, its almost uncanny! Keep writing its AMAZING!! :] x

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you like my story! It means a lot to me and I'm so glad that you think it's funny! I wanted to make people laugh and I'm so glad it's doing that. Haha! Really? That's awesome. Are you Nellie? Or Izzie? I'm more of an Izzie person myself. Thanks so much! I hope you enjoy all the other chapters.

xxx


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Review #8, by girly1393 

15th March 2011:
Poor Nellie. They are being mean to her. Just because she's incapable to understand the basic rules of human interaction doesn't mean they should make fun of her! I can't understand them either!

Bravo to you.

Author's Response: I know :( But they get better and start to like Nellie, even though she doesn't get sarcasm and is silly. But hey, we've got to start somewhere with the friendship haven't we?

Thank you and thanks for the review :) It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.
xxx


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Review #9, by Lillylover22 

9th March 2011:
haha i love it!! 9/10 =]

Author's Response: Thanks! That makes me super happy to hear. I hope you like the next chapter too =D Thanks for the review, I'll try to update soon.

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Review #10, by reallifewizard 

27th February 2011:
this made me laugh WAY too much. just an fyi. i like laughing. it makes me happy.

Author's Response: You being serious? That makes me super happy. It means a lot to me. I'm working on 30 right now. Thanks for the review, it has made me smile :)

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Review #11, by SearchingForLuna 

2nd January 2011:
Another good chappie :)

Favorite quoteYESSS. Here it is:

Page one wasn’t rubbish! Page two is another story though; I have yet to read it.

I really do like that quote... but there was something that kind of confused me. When Nellie was off telling her story, there was a line that went like.

I like how she gets distracted and goes off on these little side stories. This is something else that says a lot about her character.

Who's this talking about? Umm, other than that, couldn't find any real mistakes :) I mean... not that I was looking for mistakes or anything. Because I really wasn't. I was just enjoying the story.

10/10 :)

Author's Response: Thank you :)
o.O
That's strange. That line shouldn't be there, it seems i'm having problems again. It took words away before and now it seems to add a sentence in :/ that's so odd.
i'll change that as soon as the queue opens.

no really, thank you for pointing that out, it's odd because I didn't put that in there :/

thank you so much.

xxx


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Review #12, by Ignorance 

1st September 2010:
XD Oh dear, i am getting the impression that she is a tad clumsy.
Another great chapter, i am going to have to call someone a fish finger at some point, in my eyes it is the best insult ever.
10/10 again
(your story is now officially added to my favourites ;))

Author's Response: Yesss, she is :)
Thank you so much, you're far too kind to me. I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters :)


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Review #13, by CessZ 

15th August 2010:
Wow you are a funny author..In my earlier review I said I was like Nellie...clumsy n all...but I'm definitely not THAT clumsy!!
btw another amazing chapter...I guess I'm falling in love wid your story...
~CessZ

Author's Response: Haha! Clumsy is funny, but I'm glad you're not that clumsy. Being too clumsy is dangerous.

Thank you, I'm so glad you took the time to read my chapter. you're too kind.

xx


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Review #14, by liza_potter 

12th August 2010:
Here with another review. :)

I love your OC's! Nellie has an awesome sense of humor, and her friendship with Izzie is very funny.

If Nellie and the Marauders were on the same Quidditch team, wouldn't they know each other a bit better? Sirius would at least have to know her name. The conversation in the kitchen was mostly held up by Nellie and Sirius. The other Marauders didn't really say much, which I thought was odd. In fact, they seemed a bit bland.

On the other hand, the conversation was very funny and very Nellie. This chapter is confusing, as it goes against some things said last chapter, but still amusing.

-Liza

Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks, I'm glad you think that. I'll take that into concideration. Thanks for pointing that out. Thank you so much, you've raised some good points. xxx



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Review #15, by justonemorefic 

11th August 2010:
Heh, I always see this on recent stories too 8D!

I really enjoy Nellie. Strange in a good way! I know she's kind of rambling in her thoughts (it's part of her charm as well!), but I think you can make it tighter. Sometimes it drags on a bit. I actually think it would help if you put more of the related sentences into paragraphs, because it's a little confusing to read a new line every sentence when you're still on a similar topic. While Nellie is good random, I don't have a solid grasp on the Marauders' characterization. Sometimes a bit too random, sometimes a bit bland. I also think that if she were on the team, they would know each other better or at least her name.

I would really like to see more descriptions because I think they'd be hilarious in her viewpoint. I like her explaining stuff like her flower chains. And her biscuits from the last chapter! Also personally, I'd like to have more of a plot going by the second chapter. Have an idea where the story's headed to pull me in, because it's not entirely clear yet where it's headed.

(p.s. I always catch this, but I do not think that 'bemused' means what you think it means xD)

Oh dear, I hope that wasn't terribly mean! The first two chapters did give me a good laugh!

Author's Response: Haha. That's weird isn't it xD

Thank you, I'm glad you like that. I understand why you think that and I'll take that into consideration! Thank you.

And the Marauders, well, I took it, just because you can see someone around, it doesn't mean you get to know them. I always imagined the Marauders to be at the start a closed group. I don't think they would converse too much with others. Not that they would be anti social. I've been on a few sports team, and beyond names, I couldn't tell you a thing about them. Nellie had Izzie and the Marauders had each other. Plus, in the first chapter, Sirius knew Nellie's name, he was just starting conversation. It's much like when you know someones name, but if you say their name out loud, to them, it looks stalkerish if you've never really talked before. And they stared at her because she chucked, (Well, Izzie did really) a quill as Sirius head, so they're not really used to that behavior off people.

Nah, it's all good thanks for your opinions + advice. It's much appreciated. Thanks for the review. It was also really helpful.
xxx


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Review #16, by melian 

6th August 2010:
Another very good chapter. :D I enjoyed the conversation in the kitchens, it felt natural while still being awkward enough to reflect the fact that these people aren't really close. Nellie being on the quidditch team surprised me a little but it's a nice touch and I like the juxtaposition of her being clumsy on the ground yet dextrous in the air. And Nellie's birds nest hair-style complete with grass was a really fun mental image. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Thank you so much, I'm so glad you think that. Yes. It surprises a lot of people really, but I feel it adds a little something to the story. Yes! I thought of it like that. Thank you so much for a great review :)

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Review #17, by DemetersChild 

25th July 2010:
DemetersChild here again!

Hum hum, what to think.

Grammar/Syntax/Diction: The same as the last chapter. Seems to be alright except with you switching tenses.

Plot: Well, more has gone on, and it's confused me a bit. If Nellie is on the Quidditch Team, than shouldn't she already be acquainted with the Marauders? At least with James and Sirius. So how would it make sense, in the last chapter, for them to just stare at her like they'd never seen her before. Definitely confused.

Flow: Still choppy, what with the simple sentences and all. But I already pointed that out, so no need to beat a dead horse, right? :D

Characters: The OC's are definitely more defined now. The relationship between Izzie and Nellie is very much like a relationship I have with a friend where we spend most of our time making fun and insulting each other. It can be quite comical.

I was a bit confused when Izzie was saying she wasn't like those other girls, but as soon as she heard Sirius didn't like lip gloss she wiped it off. Doesn't that make her exactly like the other girls? Was that on purpose?

Nellie seems pretty cool. She's still down to earth and she's definitely a klutz (be careful not to turn her into a Mary Sue!). But she's got a nice sense of humor, and I can enjoy that. ^^

Well, I guess that's all for now!

Magically Yours,

Dem

Author's Response: Hiya!

Don't worry! I'm working on that!

Well, I took it, just because you can see someone around, it doesn't mean you get to know them. I always imagined the Marauders to be at the start a closed group. I don't think they would converse too much with others. Not that they would be anti social. I've been on a few sports team, and beyond names, I couldn't tell you a thing about them. Nellie had Izzie and the Marauders had each other. Plus, in the first chapter, Sirius knew Nellie's name, he was just starting conversation. It's much like when you know someones name, but if you say their name out loud, to them, it looks stalkerish if you've never really talked before. And they stared at her because she chucked, (Well, Izzie did really) a quill as Sirius head, so they're not really used to that behavior off people.

I hoped that cleared up my reasons.

Yes! I'm working on that :)

Yes! I'm glad you think that. I do that with my friends, all we do is insult one another.

Yes! That was on purpose. Izzie is a little headstrong and at times denial about her faults. She likes to think she's much more than a teenage girl. If Nellie had never pointed out what she'd done, I don't think she would remember it.

Thank you! Don't worry! I'm keeping a close eye on that :)

Thanks for your amazing review, it's really helpful.


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Review #18, by Myriad 

14th July 2010:
I like your opening paragraph, Izzie’s line if great.

Watch out so you don’t use so many fragments. They’re not bad every once in a while if you’re using them for style, but a lot of these just seem to be sentence structure issues. I really think a beta would be useful.

The part where Nellie goes off topic about her yellow outfit and it getting rained on seemed very out of place. I get that you’re trying to have the chapters mirror Nellie’s personality, and for the most part they do, but that was just over the top.

I really like your dialogue, especially Izzie’s lines. You’ve done an excellent job with that.

“…looked like it had one two many tequila's last night.” Should be ‘too’ instead of ‘two’

Watch your tenses in this chapter as well. It seems to go back and forth between past and present quite a bit. Mainly it seems to be after the dialogue.

“Izzie reckons I shouldn’t go in there ever.” This might read better as ‘Izzie reckons I should never go back.’ Just a thought.

This is a good chapter. I like how you’re portraying the characters, you’re doing an excellent job with The Marauders, and Izzie and Nellie are shaping up to be a lot of fun, just try and develop them more. Right now the 6 of them are kind of flat and Mary-sue-ish. Try and add some depth to their characters to round them out.

I could be way off base, but I like the hints at Izzie maybe liking Sirius and Sirius maybe liking Nellie.

Really good job overall.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked Izzie's opening line. I wanted to dive back into the story. Thus I had someone speaking at the start, because I think it gives that effect.

Thank you! I'll take that on board.

I understand, I'll think that about that section and I'll see what it adds to the story.

Thanks so much, I'm glad you like Izzie's lines, they are some of my favourite to write.

I changed the things you pointed out! Thank you, I didn't notice them before :)

Okay! I will. I feel they develop more over the story to become flesh our characters. I struggle with showing everything they are in one chapter. I think it looks too much. So, I'm letting them develop over the story and they show more and more of themselves in the chapters.

Haha, all will be revealed in later chapters ;)

Thank you so much.

Thanks for the reviews. I can't describe how helpful they are! Thanks so much for taking


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Review #19, by DeaVanity 

9th July 2010:
Here's my second review...

Again, I don't like Izzie, she just seems too.. I don't know what exactly :s

Anyways, Nellie can seem like a Mary Sue because of the fact that she's apparently extremely clumsy but she excels at Quidditch. :/ I don't think that my reviews are actually going to help since you already have 27 chapters up and all that you know...

Sirius is cool still, though you should have worked on James', Remus' and Peter's personalities a bit more. We didn't see them at all (except for a bit of James).

Feel free to re-request but I think that with 27 chapters up, my reviewing doesn't really have a point :/

Author's Response: I understand your point. I don't think she quite excels. But your words have put some thoughts into my brain :)

Yeah, I understand, they feature later, but I guess right now, they look under developed.

I'd thought I'd request because I'm rewriting little bits here and there. And I wanted people to see what they thought about the characters at first glance.

Thank you so much for doing this for me :)


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Review #20, by alicia and anne 

8th July 2010:
She hasn't even read past chapter two in the book hehe And her fancy dress costume was such a Nellie thing to wear. So many lines are my favourite and have me laughing outloud, especially this one

"Nellie!" Sirius called out cheerily as he gave a little wave. I scowled. "why the long face?" He teased.

"This is my face. I can't help if it is on the rather long side."

I'm not sure why but I love it hehe. And how she became part of the quidditch team because of her dinner.
Also loving the bickering between Nellie and the boys. (btw I will be saying a lot of things I love in the story throughout the reviews)

Oo the next chapter looks good, can't wait to read it.

Author's Response: Hello lovely.

Thanks! I have such fun coming up with the things that Nellie does.

Yay! I love favourite lines! Because I never guess which ones people will like.

Yes! You're picking up things that I've forgotten. It makes me smile.

Aw, you're too kind.

You're still amazing by the way. For sure.

much love,
Keely.
x


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Review #21, by katebabelovesharrypotter 

5th July 2010:
I am so like Nellie! It's so funny. I'm always telling my sister that I make "maniac look appealing"... The way she said she failed at life and that made her awesome was just somehting I would totally say haha. I enjoy your writing a whole lot and I LOVE your pen name as well :) keep being awesome!
~Kate

Author's Response: I'm glad you can see yourself in Nellie, I like that :) Haha. Good expression!

Thank you! You're too kind! Glad you like my pen name too ;)

Thanks, I'm so glad you're liking this story so far, I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters and the new one I posted up yesterday.

Thanks for the review.

- Keely
xxx


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Review #22, by TallestTower 

12th June 2010:
Yet again a brilliant chapter. Loved the comment about the bright yellow banana! :D And Apples are popular these days! Oh, and I loved seeing the other marauders too. I think I may have a fictional crush on James, that is both worrying and not of any interest to you haha!

I loved this so much, I may well be hooked - who am I kidding? It's an addiction I must now feed with Chapter 3. Sorry for the horrendously short review... I'm just eager to read on & tired :)

Thanks for posting!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes. Haha. It's fine, I get crushes on fictional people too ;) It's all good.

It's fine, don't worry about it, I'm just so happy that you like it :)

Thanks for your lovely review :)


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Review #23, by moonbaby11 

26th April 2010:
Well, I had time to read this chapter, too! Gosh, I love this story! It's hilarious! I've laughed out loud so many times! Keep up the good work! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so happy to hear that it makes you laugh =D I hope you enjoy the other chapters and it's really nice to hear from you :)

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Review #24, by DracoFerret11 

15th April 2010:
Hey, me again!

Okay, another nicely laid out chapter! I really do like how your plot is progressing.

Nellie still seems very Mary-Sue-ish. :/ She's just too predictably flawed. :[ Which I know wasn't your intent... but it's not working out. Hmm... :/ She's not good at school, she's clumsy, but she's good at Quidditch and Sirius likes her. And she's sort of dense, but in a ditzy "I'm so funnayyy!" way. :P It's a bit obnoxious, really. :/

I liked your Marauders again though! :D Really, I did. And the plot's flowing nicely. You really aren't doing as badly as my mean review above makes it seem. :P I promise, you're not.

Just check out your OC-characterization and I think you'll be good to go! Other than that, great job!

--DracoFerret11/DarkRose

Author's Response: Thank you!

I can understand why you see her like that. But she gets developed more. And she's stupid, and annoying to most people. Plus, she uses people. I'm going to try to work on that though and keep your thoughts in mind.

Thank you so much! It's okay. It's nice to hear another view point :D

Thanks for taking time to do this for me :)


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Review #25, by Liisarr 

13th April 2010:
I think you should try to characterise Peter and Remus more, as it just seems unfair and unlikely that they would just sit in the background through these encounters. Even though Remus is stereotyped as being the smart one doesn't mean he doesn't have a rebellious side as well!

It is slightly surprising that a lot of them are on the Quidditch team but don't know each other well; surely they'd know each other’s names if they were (referring to the previous chapter when Sirius and Nellie said they didn't know one another’s names).

Other than that, I love your humour and the chapter titles! Sorry this is short, but I can't find anything else to complain about! =)

Author's Response: Yes! I know. I struggle with them saying things because they're are like six, usually seven people talking at the same time. Yes. But through later chapters, they get to show more of their character, I think. But I also understand what you are saying.

Yeah, but I guess. But the way I see it, if know someone in my class name, but we've never been formally introduced, I would still ask their name. It's just to get topic rolling.

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like the chapter titles, no one has ever said that before, so thank you. :D


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