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20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by datbenik513 

25th May 2009:
In the aftermath of Narcissa's death many changes will happen.
First of all, now the realization comes down to several people what really had happened. An awkward reunion takes place between professor and student, and another one, as a family is partly reunited, be it under other circumstances than some of them had hoped for.
Snape also reveals his plan to help Potter on his way, no matter what he or other Order members think of him. He really is in a situation between two lines of fire and he surely will need all his skills to carry out what he's planning.
A rather unexpected turn you have taken, I should say, but it works well.

Author's Response: I'm absolutely in awe of how much you have read and reviewed in one go!

Well, I have now managed to turn Draco's life outside down (although things weren't looking good for him since the beginning of this story). He will realise that the Order are now his only hope. That guy is going to have to swallow a lot of pride to stay alive. I hope you find it fun when you get to it because him and Harry are going to have to interact quite a bit.

I was always convinced that at least one of the Malfoys would die (not Draco though). I was rather surprised to see that they all survived DH. This twist gave me really the opportunity to develop Draco as a character and the parallel between Lily and Narcissa was something that I thought after reading the vow scene in HBP.

I'm so grateful for your reviews which are encouraging, detailed and helpful. You're very good at pointing out little things as well. I'm really glad that you are enjoying this.

From now on, Draco and Harry's storylines come sort of together.


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Review #2, by SpringTime 

13th November 2008:
interesting shape his potronus took (Snape's). He does seem a bit arachnal (is that a word, I might have just made it up, my flu medication has started to kick in). I wouldn't say that Draco was having a feeling of Deja Vu, but maybe more that his life was now seeming to run certain parallels to Potters. Deja Vu has a sense that he has experienced it before.
And the mystery continues. Snape is being very open in this, I think even if he vowed to kill Voldy he still might maintain his nasty alolofness. (he is a very difficult character to write, which is why I haven't tried to yet).

Author's Response: I opened a thread about what his patronus could be and this is what we seem to come up with, after all he has built his own web by spying all these years and there was the connection with "Spinner's End" but I really liked JKR's idea better in the end but well, I had decided to stick to my own ideas, so spider it is.

I agree with you that deja vu is not the right word here. I'll go and change that.

As for Snape, as I said before he is in shock and his priority now is to prevent Voldy turning Cissa into an inferi or something and also protecting Draco, so he has not choice to disclose a bit to the Tonks in order to ensure this.

Thanks so much again! x


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Review #3, by Georgia Weasley 

26th October 2008:
A Malfoy/Black buried as a Muggle? Her parents are rolling in their graves as we speak! That is a brilliant plan, though, to keep Voldy off their trail. I do like how you have Draco keeping the old prejudices a bit longer. No one changes overnight. I do still worry that Narcissa's unfinished business may keep her bound to the earth instead being free. I always felt so sorry for the Hogwarts ghosts. When Harry and Sir Nicholas talked about it, his regret was so sincere. I don't think it would be a very happy existance. Good chapter, and still no disasters! Knock on wood!

Author's Response: Well, I wanted for Severus and Draco to have to put their pride aside in favour of practicality. Yes, her ancestors will be turning in their graves, definitely!

Narcissa yes, poor soul. She will be a lot more haunted than the Hogwarts' ghosts though and there will be more on her.

Draco, well, hopefully he will change very slowly because I don't want him to become humble or a goody overnight. He will certainly retain his hautiness and arrogance but he will change quite considerably.

Thanks again, and no, no disasters so far! lol


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Review #4, by crazygingercatlady 

8th October 2008:
I really like how we're spending time with the Severus/Draco side of the story. The dangers they are constantly facing are in such contrast to the life Harry is living at the minute and its interesting to see the difference.

I really like how you've brought Andromeda and Ted into the plot, it's interesting to see how they get on with Draco, there is awkward feelings on both sides there and I thought you highlighted that very well. Also I thought you showed really well how Andromeda and Ted may want to help but if they do how much danger they are placing themselves into.

Again I thought your characterisation of Severus was very good, you really are addressing all the complexities in his character really well. Also I really like how Draco is maturing and you have him having to conquer is prejudices.

Tory

Author's Response: I quite enjoy concentrating on Draco and Severus, even if Harry is still my all time favourite. Harry is a lot more resilient than Draco. Draco up to book 6 had lived a very sheltered and spoilt existence. Harry has had it hard all his life, that has made him a lot stronger. Of course, developing Draco's evolution is one of the hardest things I have done in this fic. Circumstances will change him, of course, but it has to be done kind of slowly for it to be realistic, I think.

Andromeda and Ted, well, yes they are putting themselves in danger by having Draco there, most definitely.


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Review #5, by DragonGoddess 

14th May 2008:
Hey-a!! Wow. Thank you for all the patient explanations you did. I will drop by your thread if I but knew how I could phrase my question :D

Alright, beginning with a few corrections:

* "He would Apparate out but, what to do with her body?" - Wouldn't it be better if it was 'what would he do with her body'? Since it began with 'He would' Am not sure...:D

* 'it was as it the heavens had opened and fallen on her' - 'as if'

* Astronomy Tower..., - the comma not needed.

* 'Draco got hold of it but didn’t dare open it, find out.' - The sentence doesn't seem right

* The Order wants my neck also... Satisfied?" - 'The Order wants me neck too... Satisfied?' would've sounded better.

There...Hm, I liked the role Andromeda plays. She seemed rather unused in the originals. But, I think you could've refined Draco's reaction further towards the beginning. It seemed rather...incomplete in here. Also, Draco called Snape by his last name instead of 'Sir'. Is that cuz of the emotions? Cuz, it seemed odd.

Apart from that, this was a great chapter again!! So, Snape knows of the Horcruxes? Wonderful. Greater role for Snape. Is Dumbledore's reason for trusting Snape same as the originals? Just curious...

Brilliant job. Am off for a small nap before I return to read a few more chapters :)

Author's Response: I'm glad to explain things so no worries. Thanks so much for reviewing again!

The first sentence, I have now put the phrase: "but, what to do with her body?" in italics to show that this represents Snape's thoughts not the narrator speaking.

The second one it should be if. This was a typo which I have now corrected.

You're also right about the unnecessary comma.

I have added again, "didn't dare" find out.

The last one I think it's right as it is since what he means, in a manner of speech is "my neck" as to being hanged by the neck which is of course an expression from the time when people did get hanged for crimes.

Yes, I thought it would be interesting to see Andromeda's reaction. Draco is pretty upset but I imagine him as a rather reserved person, no one to show his emotions openly,hence I characterise him like that.

Snape? posibly... I thought Dumbledore must have had his reasons. He knew he loved Lily yes.

Thanks so much for all the brilliant reviews. x


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Review #6, by Shellee 

17th April 2008:
Draco? What's Draco doing there? Shouldn't he be at the church? Hmm, but if the fourty days are over, it doesn't matter that much anymore, does it? I wouldn't have thought that Draco thought Snape was so insensitive to not care about Narcissa's death. The poor thing, all alone now.
Horrible thing to find out your sister died like that. I mean, have someone drop in to your house like that and then say they have to bury her body. Hmm. Aww, really. I hope they can help them. That Draco will be safe. I don't really believe the order could be that bad though. Snape's good, isn't he? Yeah he did kill Dumbledore but there were reasons. I hope they'll get out of it all.
Yay, next one.

Author's Response: Draco did have a sort of dream at the end of chapter 12 that told him that something was very wrong. Also, Snape's letter to him, if cryptic, it was also pretty worrying. He just goes to reassure himself that everything is ok, because his intuition is telling him that it is not.

I thought it was obvious that Snape care for his mother, but Snape is an abrupt character. Yes, someone again, will help Draco and Snapey, well, yes, he had reasons to kill Dumbledore. I was convinced of this well before DH!


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Review #7, by punk poet 

4th April 2008:
good chapter you do show alot in a short space of time. i can't wait to see harry's reaction to draco

Author's Response: Ok, the chapter before that is my favorite, even if the shorter, in the whole story. It's kind of way out there. I appreciate it's not for everyone, though. Now, this one well Draco has to move on, there is no choice...

I'm glad you enjoyed it! x


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Review #8, by juls 

27th March 2008:
Amazing... nice to see Andromeda and Ted. I'm glad also to see that they are willing to help Draco.

I feel sad for them all. Death is never a great bonding experience, but maybe through this they can all come together. Que c'est?

Huggles ~~juls

Author's Response: Well, they are all in an extremely awkward situation. The Tonks and Draco had never meant before. Sevvy is endagering himself by going to Order members, well. Ok, Ted is the most reluctant of the lot but yes, they can let Draco die, they see him for what he is, a very lost 17 year old born into a very bad civil war situation but he won't stay with them forever, it gets more fun!

Wow, you have reviewed 5 chapters in one go, I'm so impressed! As I said, I'll review more of yours tomorrow, promise (or well I promise if nothing crops up!) Hugs x


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Review #9, by Gords7015 

24th March 2008:
A very nice chapter here as well! Good work conveying the scene. I think that you maybe could have had a bit of an increase in the tension with the Tonks and Draco/Snape. I think that there would be an increasing level of tension from the get go, and then something to make it break. I think Draco breaking down and Andromena comforing him would normalize the relationship. I think you do this to a certain effect, but I think you could expand it to make it seem much more tense and then normalize it. Not trying to be critical here, just trying to find a way to make a good chapter even better.

Author's Response: On the contrary, i love constructive criticism because that's how we all learn. Now, on this scene i'm going to stick to my guns but I will qualify why. My Malfoy is not like in DH, he's terrifeid out of his wits by what Voldy can do.. He turns kind of polite because he has little choice. He will be a bit more arrogant with Harry though.

I see Draco as someone very private though, when he's feeling that low, he's not tactile, or he won't show his emotions, he will later though...


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Review #10, by AnnaKay 

18th March 2008:
And there is Snape taking charge again. Thank goodness for all of his training. He can keep a cool head on his body and think in times that most would be freaking out.

Cissy really did a goober didn't she. Being buried as a Muggle is a small price to pay is it not. At least her body will be safe, because I am sure that if Voldy got ahold of it, it would not be safe.

Author's Response: Yes, I think Snape's strength lays on his ability to think rationally. He's definitely brave to turn out at the Tonks after killing Dumbledore, especially as he still doesn't reveal why he did it. I was always convinced he was good and I felt really happy when DH turned up that way.

Well, the burial makes Draco feel pretty humiliated in a way, it's a bit like adding salt to a wound but yes, Snape is right, Voldy is not very pleased with her, so he could turn her into an inferi or something.

Again, thanks so much!


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Review #11, by Aurora Dawn 

28th February 2008:
Hi Morgana,

In this chapter, Draco is the thing that has my attention. Like it says in the story, Draco is in essentially the same position now that Harry has been in for most of his life. He seems to be going through a lot of changes. He doesn't seem so sympathetic to the dark side and he's starting to show some sensitivity for once in his life. At the same time, there are still flashes of the old, arrogant, obnoxious Draco, which I think is good writing on your part. I'm very interested in seeing where you plan to take Draco's character.

One thing I've noticed is the way you qualify some characters -- Draco in one case by saying "exclaimed the young Malfoy." It just seems a little awkward to me.

Other than that, well done. 10/10 as always.

Author's Response: Well, I wanted to play with Draco a bit. In fact, I thought that JKR may have done something like this (well maybe not as extreme) but do something to force him to come out of his safety net. I definitely expected at least one casualty in the Malfoy family but not necessarily Draco himself. This was the last chapter written before DH in fact. You really have flattered me a lot here. I'm glad that he is credible. I think it would only take a change in his circumstances to mould this character a bit. Of course, he is not going to turn into a "goody good shoes". As to what I do with him next, well you may have some fun with him and Harry... As for how I refer to him, yes, I agree with you, this sounds awkward, I think I'll change that description for something else that fits better.

Thanks so much!


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Review #12, by kara101 

22nd December 2007:
Interesting. I like Annie and Draco's character. This chapter could use some more narration for there is a ton of dialouge. i ahve noticed that there is not enough description in the story too much. I would describe what Annie's house looks like and more. Overall keep up the good work and I hope the next chapter has the trio in it.

Author's Response: Yes, maybe I'll add a bit more description once I get the time. I have actually edited the story several times, which means that if I were a real writer I couldn't never finish a book! Yes, the next chapter has the trio in.

Thanks so much again!


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Review #13, by Bella_Portia 

16th November 2007:
Interesting title. Liked the analogy to Harry’s blood connection/protection.
I was tempted to suggest that Draco needed a transitional scene, to bridge the gap between his nightmare and his turning up at the Manor.
Aside from that, I liked the first scene a lot. Only thing: I thought the guys would occasionally say things (Draco’s initial “are you crying”, which seemed strange only because his initial reaction to mom would supercede everything else; Snape talking a bit too much after he says they need to go to Andromeda’s, line about the Muggle Priest) – I kept thinking, it’s just the two guys in mourning, and they should be too upset to say anything that doesn’t need saying. Some of the things can - logically – wait till they get to Andromeda’s.

Line about DL not being man enough to father a child – it was just kind of an odd an complicated thought. I’ll elaborate in a PM.

Didn’t quite get the purpose of the Patronus. (And, although I know it had currency in fanfic that Snape’s Patronus was a spider, I never understood why anyone but an obsessed arachologist would have a spider for a Patronus. I like the doe a lot more.)

At Andromeda’s: good scene.
I don’t understand why they would be throwing the book around.
The “not another mess like my estrangement” – where did that come from? And Snape’s response seemed odd.
I thought the reference to Inferi was very clever, and so was the proposed remedy of having Narcissa buried in a Muggle grave.

Author's Response: Ok Cissa is not in the good booksmy partner has cut all communication1b x

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Review #14, by JLHufflepuff 

3rd November 2007:
So where does Draco come from? Did he have a time limit with the priest and then had to leave? It's very inconvenient for him to see Snape with his mother's dead body... I'm glad he at least sort of believed him... So Snape is going to go into hiding at a church now?

Does this paragraph imply something about Narcissa and Voldy? I'm not sure if I follow it exactly.
"I couldn't foresee this," said Snape defensively. "Merlin only knows where she got the idea from!" Well, he wondered, he had always suspected Bella having done something like that in her youth, before Azkaban, but of course, he realised, the Dark Lord's soul was so fragmented he doubted he was even able to father a child,

It's interesting that they go back to Andromeda and Ted.. Kind of getting everyone involved. I'm still unclear as to what exactly Narcissa did to herself and what her unfinished business is. I know I am supposed to be somewhat in the dark at this point, but I'm confused!!!

Anyway, I'm trying my best to catch up!! :-)

Author's Response: Sorry babe, I'll owl you on that.

Again, as always thanks for reading and reviewing


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Review #15, by jyyl94 

15th October 2007:
I got my wish, haha ! There's mostly Draco in this chapter, and I'm so happy ! I'm so liking Snape's character in this story, and his allegiance is known already. Just a few mistakes I've spotted, but you're doing a wonderful job with this story. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I've already added you to my favourites, I think I've mentioned this before, but anyway, yeah. Great job, keep the good work up !

Author's Response: Well, I'm impressed about being added to your favourites. Honestly, your reviews are making me feel so happy. Also, I know you mean what you say because you are not scare of giving constructive criticism which is great! Snape is one of my favourites too. Draco was a little difficult to do because I always thought he was very close to him mother, but on the other hand, his kind are not supposed to show much emotion, very English stiff upper lip, so getting him to react to his mother's death and in weird circumstances, well. I thought that Snape's allegiance was sort of made clear before. I could have kept up the suspense but I will need Snape to make up with Harry eventually, he will be useful later on... although Harry is nowhere near believing him at the moment. Mind you, it could be argued that Snape has only changed allegiance now because Voldy has caused Cissa's death, I'll leave it up to you... (I'm being evil again).

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Review #16, by Joanne K 

19th September 2007:
So Snape's true allegiance is made known! My fic is similar to DH in that Snape's true self is not revealed until near the end.

I might not get to read much today, as I have to take my son to playgroup soon. I might read some more this afternoon or tomorrow if I get a chance. :)

Author's Response: Honestly, you have read nearly all and I'm so pleased that you keep on writing and reviewing. This was the last chapter written completely before DH, after that it gets harder to write because I know what happens in canon and it's hard to decide whether to follow it or depart from it. Now, Snape, yes, I hinted throughout. I guess your idea of keeping in a mystery for longer is more intriguing but Snape is going to play a part and Harry is stil completely unconvinced so, let's see how this develops... Thanks so much though.

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Review #17, by LupinFan45 

9th September 2007:
it's still really good! keep writing!

Author's Response: I'm very glad you're still enjoying this. It does give me a lot of encouragement.

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Review #18, by Pottergirl17 

26th August 2007:
All I have to say is that you have done a wonderful job on this story so far. You've set up a great plot, and you kept me interested enough to move on to each chapter. You've kept everything canon, which makes your story believable, and better to read than some that aren't or are OOC. Some CC would have to be to have someone look over your work before you submit it, or get a beta. There were a few mistakes in there, and it can never hurt to get a beta. I have one myself. You can get one on the forums in the help needed/offered section if you choose to do so. Hope you update soon. =D

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading every chapter and for your review. I'm glad you like the story. I guess, what emerges all the time is that people generally like the plot, but there are mistakes. I didn't have a beta at all to begin with. I do have one now, and now that it seems the queue has re-open I will try to get as much edited as I can, so hopefully, this will improve.

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Review #19, by Sing4theSole 

25th August 2007:
this sttory is pretty gd! u sud totally put up more chapters soon tho!

Author's Response: I'm really thrilled you like it. I'm currently working on chapter 15 but I got a few bits from the end (written before HD), so I'm glad you're keen to continue reading.

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Review #20, by edenvirg 

25th August 2007:
Wow, it was brilliant of you to bring Andromeda and Ted into the picture. I really like the way you dealt with canon and your style of writing. You asked for constructive criticism, so here it is. The only thing I think you should do is ask for a good beta (use one from PI since they are accredited) to look over this. Betas spot your errors in grammar and punctuation and tell you the rules so that in time, you learn to write perfect English (or close to perfect). :)

Well, good luck with this story! :)

Author's Response: At the time I wrote this I wasn't even sure whether the Tonks were alive or dead in canon, but I thought Draco was running out of options fast and this could be one route for him. Obviously Ted is not too happy. Thanks ever so much for reviewing the whole story, you're actually the first person to review the lot, which is wonderful because normally I get reviews for the first few chapters and my later ones were feeling a bit lonely, lol I'm currently in the middle of writing chapter 15 but I have a few bits and bobs which belong towards the end which I wrote before DH. I will definitely edit this with a beta, I know the story desperately needs it!

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