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20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by datbenik513 

25th May 2009:
Am immensely sad chapter. Very dark magic involved; the ritual depicted in a very powerful way.
How ironic, this twist of fate. Both Lily and Narcissa sacrificed themselves to protect their children, only the latter's sacrifice is rejected. Severus is getting another blow in his face as the second woman he secretly loved dies as well.
From now on, his situation would be far from enviable; distrusted by the Order, hunted by the DE; he would have to try survive on his own. And, he would have to fulill his vow, given to Cissy.
Jeez, I'm so overwhelmed!

Author's Response: This is one of my favourite chapters. It's dark yes. The ritual is made up although I took elements from various sources, mythology, Pagan rituals but it's not something real. Snakes are very important in many ancient cults, especially due to their ability to renew their skins. They are almost associated with eternal life and youth, I thought using one would be fitting

Sevvy, yes poor thing. I wanted for him to show his emotions. Yes, he better be careful from now on. Both Draco and Harry are going to prove to be a nightmare to him. Snape is a very intelligent and resourceful wizard though so catching him is not the easiest thing in the world either.


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Review #2, by SpringTime 

13th November 2008:
Very intense ritual. I really enjoyed it. I have read briefly before of Llamas and Llamas bread and was really interested in how you sort of incorporated ancient lore/magic into your story, from pagan to Christian. I like the combination of the two, as they really are much more intertwined than a lot of people realize (but we will not get into that here). When Narcissa says good by to Severus, she should say Good Bye Severus Snape and then it will sound better that he has said her last name as well. (even if it is her maiden one).
Wow, Severus changing his ways? Didn't really see that coming. I always figured he would stay the abrassive, closed off, (very nasty word inserted here). It is definitely a different take and I want to see where you take this.

Author's Response: Oh, although this is short is one of my most elaborated chapters. The theme of magic and religion came to my mind when I started to think about where Snape and Draco might have ended up after the Astronomy Tower and it all just took on from there. This element is perhaps the most AU in this story since I knew that Jo wasn't going to add to the controversy by bringing Muggle religion into DH, but was something I just couldn't resist. I think this is in part the beauty of fanfic that we can write a mature story out of something that was originally intended as a young adult series.

I do totally agree with you in that many Christian festivals have their origins in Pagan ones, normally the ones associated with agricultural themes such as the harvest. I put a disclaimer though because I realised that this scene might give the idea that I was portraying Pagans as getting into this dark sort of stuff, which I never intended but of course, Cissa is a Death Eater's wife so I wanted her to do something darker than, say Lily.

Sevvy, well, he is in shock and at the end of his tether here. He is now placed in a very bad position though, because even if he is on the Order's side, he hasn't got much hope of being redeemed in their eyes. However, I'm never going to turn him into someone easy to be with, he will still be rude and morose, hopefully.


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Review #3, by Georgia Weasley 

25th October 2008:
That was a very interesting ritual Narcissa went through, trying to protect Draco. How sad that it led to her death. I can see her returning as a ghost, though, in order to make sure her son is safe. I think having Severus there with her was a lovely touch, and gave us another peek inside the Potions Master that we rarely get to see. Well done.

Author's Response: The ritual just sort of come to me inspired by mythology. I thought the concept of a serpent god would be rather Slytherin and I wanted her to sacrifice herself but to do so in a darker way than Lily, since she is a DE's wife.

Severus, poor thing! I got an incline from HBP that he might have had a thing for Narcissa and I wanted him to show his deep yet very vulnerable feelings.

I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it. It is in fact one of my most elaborated chapters in terms of the language I use.

Thanks so much again.


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Review #4, by crazygingercatlady 

8th October 2008:
Wow

That was so powerful and in so many different ways. The ritual side of things was very intriguing and an interesting addition to the plot. And I thought you crafted Cissy perfectly, the way you captured her love for Draco was so powerful and believable. And your descriptions were fantastic, the scene really came alive, it made it so much more hard-hitting and dramatic.

Your characterisation of Severus was superb, you manage to convey all his complexity. I really liked how this chapter really showed how much he cared for Cissy and the parallels between her and Lily. You manage to make the reader feel a great sympathy for Severus, as you show he is the way he is since it's the only way he knows how to survive and you show how harsh life has treated him.

A brilliant chapter.

Tory

Author's Response: Thanks so, so much, Tory! Wonderfully encouraging review again. Severus, yes, his life has always been pretty miserable. I guess his feelings for Lily from the scene in the memory in book 5 but I thought that it could be potentially feasible that the had developed secret feelings for Narcissa at some stage too. I'm glad that you enjoyed the characterisation of both. I wanted her to sacrifice herself too but in a slightly darker way than Lily. I guess this brings even more parallels between Draco and Harry.

Thanks so much!


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Review #5, by DragonGoddess 

13th May 2008:
OH NO!!! I know I said that I'd review only alternate chapters...but was that the death of 'Cissa for nothing?!?! Does that mean Draco would die? Oh no, no, no, no...please don't kill Draco...Poor Cissa...What was the intention? Faking her death or something else? I was kinda not sure since I think my eyes became a little glazed. A typo I noticed:

'Now, do I say good-buy to him, for you?' - good-bye

I loved the whole Snape emotions you portrayed. Poor Snape :(

Anyways, I think I'll stop here for a bit and continue after a while since my eyes are burning :D I WILL BE BACK and soon. Not that long a wait as last time ^_^

Author's Response: Ok, in my opinion, this is my most elaboraate chapter so far. I know is complicated, so don't worry.

What has happened, is that off the scene, Snape has warned her about Voldy's intentions and, as usual, she has gone and jumped the gun and found a very dark book which has given her the idea.

Her idea is to persuade the Dark Lord to spare Draco in exchange for her conceiving him a child! She is doing this through a ritual (made up) and without his consent, or knowledge until she gets into his mind. Needless to say, Voldy likes to rule his own affairs and is not pleased about his minion's wives going to him unilaterally like that, so (in a remote control sort of way), he drains her blood. Yes, she really is dead, not just pretending.

I have fixed the typo. Once again, thank you.

Draco is in no more or less danger than before, it doesn't mean that he will die but any of the characters may die and, brace yourself, some pretty important ones! Draco will be very affected by his mother's death and he will change a bit (for the better, I hope) and reflect a lot. He becomes more central to the story from now on.

Now, Sevvy? poor thing! I guessed about Lily too. I think it's now safe to say that Voldy has killed the two women he has ever loved and he's a very powerful wizard... Making him cry was priceless though.

Please, feel free to owl me or to visit my author's pace with questions. The ritual had to be TOS compliant, so I could not elaborate much more in the actual chapter but my inspiration came from a legend about how Alexander the Great was concieved. The serpent gods I mention exist in mythology.

I'm so flattered that you have read and reviewed so much in one go! Hugs x


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Review #6, by Shellee 

17th April 2008:
I always pictures Narcissa as a beautiful woman. It would be painful to see her so broken, even if she was on the Dark side. After all she mostly cares about her family, her son, which isn't that dark at all. It was silly to perform that ritual though. Really, she wasn't even sure if she had done it right, how can you expect things to go well then? Why would he have listened to her in the first place? Hmm, I'm a bit confused on that, I guess, but it's all about sacrifice again, isn't it?
Poor Snape to have found her like that. Just too late. I believe he would have been able to do a better job if she just asked him, not trying to sacrifice herself. I feel bad for him, for losing the woman he loves. Specially in such a gruesome way. I find it pictured very well though. It's not that evident to move a dead body around, is it? Maybe he can get to burry her where Draco is, but without him knowing? Hmm, not sure. Vengefull Snape!
On to the next one!

Author's Response: Yes, this was a really sad chapter. Narcissa knew the risk she was taken, she didn't know that she would die for a fact, but that it could happen. I see her as someone who panics a bit and goes on her own and does things that could be dangerous.

I really wanted to show Snape's emotions here. Now, you know which side he's on!

I'm really glad you liked this chapter. Probably my darkest!


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Review #7, by punk poet 

3rd April 2008:
a nice dramatis drama there well written aven if a little short

Author's Response: Yes, this is perhaps my shorter chapter but one of the most elaborated. I made up the ritual and I researched a lot, even if only a little shows. I thought Sevvy crying had to be priceless!

Thank you, thank you again!


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Review #8, by juls 

27th March 2008:
Sad so sad... I ship Narcissa/Severus also, so this was chilling. Very well written, and I am well... at a loss for words to say.

Narcissa has always been a good mother to Draco. Loving... this was her last act in an attempt to save him. Sadly in vain.

~~juls

Author's Response: Poor Cissa and yes, Sevvy! I took a while writing this because I wanted it to be pretty hyped-up. She's very desperate bless her, and believe me, it gets worse!

Yes, I always saw her as a very loving mother and she gave her life for her son too, although I thought the wife of a DE would go to something a bit sinister and yes, Draco is not out of danger by any means, you may even feel sorry for him in the end...

Again, thanks sooo much!


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Review #9, by Gords7015 

24th March 2008:
Ok, so I'm back after a bit of a break (easter at home w/ dialup = no reviewing...), but now I've returned. A very disturbing scene, with the naked pagan imagery, and the sacrafice. Still, it shows that one person cares about Draco. Good chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, it'sdisturbing. I'm actually part Christian part Pagan and I only used the festival as a backdrop, hence disclaimer too. Pagans do not get out to this sort of thing, now I have to make a DE mother do somthing different from what, say, Lily did. I submitted this chapter twice to the staff for approval because I was aware this on its own warrants all my warnings! I took a lot of trouble writing it though and it's primarily based in Ancient mythology!

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Review #10, by AnnaKay 

18th March 2008:
That was a really sad chapter. I always thought that Cissy would be strong enough to kill herself as long as it kept her boy safe. Poor Snape, he just can't get a lucky break can he. Maybe Snape should gather up his defences and then go back to Voldy so at least he can still do the spying he has to do. Maybe Snape should join Draco at the church.

Draco would do good to be worried. I would be too.

Author's Response: Yes, I thought this was sad. I like Cissy actually. I thought it would be plausible for Snape to have developed feelings for her. Just like Lily she would give her life to protect her son, although she didn't intend to die, more like give LV what she thought he may want but of course, she is a DE's wife, so there had to be something dark in what she came up with. She knew it could result in her death though. The trouble is that, no, Draco is not safe by any means.

I always thought that this family got off too lightly in DH. I expected Voldy to have been furious at Draco.

Snape, bless him! He has a knack for falling for the wrong woman. He has been a extremely good actor all these years but this is a bit too much for him. Voldemort has killed the two women he ever had feelings for and Draco, well, he seems to have pretty good instincts too. He loved his mother so this is going to affect him and his loyalties pretty strongly. I needed for her to die for him to change his ways.


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Review #11, by Aurora Dawn 

27th February 2008:
Hi Morgana,

The first thing I want to say is that this is just a very beautifully written chapter. The scene, the way it's set, the emotion of the characters is wonderful.

Maybe I'm wrong...and maybe I'm overanalyzing...but isn't that Pagan holiday also partly about the waning of the god as summer ends and autumn approaches? I notice that the scene is also set at sundown, the period when the sun fades into darkness. At the same time you have Narcissa Malfoy slowly dying as she bleeds to death and it all fits together very well.

I caught a couple of small typos, not enough to distract from the story.

This was just a very beautifully written chapter.

Author's Response: Yes, you are absolutely right about Llamas, that's exactly what it represents. I put the disclaimer in case someone thought I was accusing Pagans of getting into this kind of ritual (the candle, snake etc). Silly Cissa, but she was pretty desperate. I guess anything is better than your son having to kill you to save his skin.

I think this is my most elaborated chapter in terms of language and poor Sevvy. You guessed right in the previous chapter. Now, you'll see what Draco makes out of this. I'm very pleased you could feel the characters emotions! Thanks so much.


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Review #12, by MyronWin 

28th January 2008:
Another one bites the dust. No, I'm not going to say anything about yet another female character being killed. That would be petty. Instead I am going to renew my compliments about your storytelling abilities. This is a good one. I like how, like JKR, you advance things one piece at a time. Events lead to discoveries and vice versa.
One thing I've noticed about your story (as well as other fanfic, including mine) is that many characters, items and concepts are reused more often than in the books. I was happy to see the good luck potion show up (and it was impressive that Ginny made it). In the books, many great ideas were introduced, most of which were abandoned in favor of new ideas which fit the requirements of the story just a little bit more. (Of course the situation with the DADA professors was plot-driven, but others simply faded away like the fact that Harry was such a great flyer--after book 4, it wasn't mentioned again.) There are other examples but my point is that we remember them and we use them i our own works. Merely an observation.
I hope Harry's face stops hurting soon, after Ginny's slap last chapter. I've read stories that have her slap him after their reunion upon Voldemort's defeat. I've never thought of Ginny as a very violent person, but the situation which brought out that slap was very well done. Now, the fact that she believed Harry could talk about her in that way was a little bothersome, but if there was no other alternative, sure she could whomp him good.
And Snape? It doesn't look good for him. He's trapped between a very large rock and a very hard place. No one is looking very kindly at him, except for Petunia, apparently.
Anyway, this is getting long enough. Perhaps I shouldn't wait so many chapters between reviews...It's just that I don't want to stop reading that long.
PS: Yes, I do have stories posted now. Please feel free to give them a look and let me know what you think of my stories.
Thank you for your story.
Jeff.

Author's Response: Thanks so much again. Well, as soon as I read your previous review re my tendency to kill off females, I thought, oh my God and she doesn't know about Narcissa yet! Well Cissa had to go for two main reasons, to show Snape's emotions and to change Draco's outlook on the whole conflict. I thought it would be a lot more effective to kill his mother than his father. I always thought he seemed closer to her and, ok, she is a pretty daft character in terms that she tends to act first and think later. But don't you worry there will be male deaths too and pretty important ones (but obviously cannot disclose who).

Now, I like your observation re the re-use of characters and devices such as the FF potion. Ginny / Harry, well, I wanted to show her as a fiery person (no I don't think she is violent but I reckon she is the only person who can really pretty much boss Harry around). She does truly love him, their relationship is pretty deep and a little flaffy (but they are both very stubborn and strong individuals so there will be a lot of situations when there will be a battle of wills). I thought I introduce a bit of fun but in a way, this incident forshadows something that will happen later and will be important not just in terms of their relationship.

Snape, yes, poor guy. I was hoping to get the reader to feel at least a bit sorry for him. Well, there isn't a Snape/Petunia ship as such in this but more will be revealed further on. I wrote this before DH so I guessed the Lily/Snape, thought that Snape/Cissa was possible and I was convinced he was good all along.

By all means I will check your stories. Owl me if you prefer me to start with a specific one if you have several. I'll try to do this later or tonight, if I get the time at all, if not tomorrow at the latest!

Thanks so much again and hope you continue to enjoy the story.



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Review #13, by kara101 

22nd December 2007:
Hermione G from the forums again

I will finish reviewing your story by today and this time I mean it! Okay in the beginning you spell llamas different than the chapter title. The beginning was boring and a bit confusing and then Narcissa dead! You are so mean, joking. Shows emotion and let me say something to Sevvy.

YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL AND SHE DIES! SO STOP FALLING IN LOVE!

Now that I got that out of my system, great job so far but I would do something in the beginning.

Author's Response: Yes, I think this chapter maybe a bit confusing but I had to be careful to remain compliant with the TOS.

Sorry that you are not keen on the beginning. I wanted to use a festival as a backdrop to the scene but I must put some sort of author's note to explain that Llamas is actually a positive Pagan festival and that I do by no means believe that Wiccans get up to this sort of black magic but this wasn't actually a complaint of yours, so don't worry. I may owl you to see specifically what you didn't like, I mean, was there too much description in the first few paragraphs?

Sevvy, yes, bless him, no wonder he is so miserable! Maybe he will find love one day... (but not in this story).

I have the very end completly in my head (but not anywhere near being on the archive) and you are going to hate me! (wait and see... but I haven't finished killing people off yet). Yes, I am mean but Cissa had to die to make Malfoy more human! (Do you see now why Draco's dream in the previous chapter had to be there somehow?) I like that you say that I manage to convey emotion. That's what I intended. Ah, thanks for pointing out the misspelling (the correct one is Llamas).

Thanks so much for being so faithfully to this story and for reviewing so much! Hugs x


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Review #14, by Bella_Portia 

14th November 2007:
This is a very fine and dramatic scene. I must confess to a few problems.
First, I found the references to paganism a bit disturbing and inappropriate, including the title. I realize we are in a AU world. But the HP witches are no more pagans than are the X men. The darkest spell we witness in canon (the rebirthing of LV) bears no resemblance to any pagan tradition. HP magic does not involve deities; and this is important, because it constitutes an answer to those who claim it promotes a religion, or some form of paganism or Wicca. It made me very uncomfortable to see a what purported to be a pagan spell introduced into a story in this way. The casting of a circle is a benign act that defines sacred space and always commences a pagan/wiccan religious observance; I was disturbed to see it portrayed as something sinister. Same with the chalice, which is a customary altar item.

Second, where was Narcissa going with the Snake God thing? Had her plan worked, was she intending to join with the archtypal Serpent God, to produce, uh, a monster of some sort? It is certainly true that JKR ventures into mythology at times, especially with her creatures, but Narcissa’s plan to go all Rosemary’s Baby with the Snake God in exchange for Draco’s Life seemed out there, WAY too complicated (and, if I understood it correctly, pushed the envelope of the TOS). (I may have gotten this completely wrong, but, if I did, I do kind of rest my case about the complicated part.)

Third, I could not, for the life of me, figure out how the Dark Lord got into this and messed it up for her. Could not figure out how he messed up her communion with the Snake Deity so that SD rejected her offer– this seemed like a disconnect. For that matter, I couldn't understand why she was bleeding to death.

BTW, the phrase “Master of the Dark”, the secret book, secret language, serpent god, whole tone of the ceremony – all seemed very HP Lovecraft.

Snape’s emotional reaction to seeing Narcissa needs to be clarified. He might say “what the hell have you done” – once. But if he cares for her, and sees her distressed, let alone dying (he treated her with kindness when she showed up at his house unannounced in DH) – it’s up to you how much tenderness you want him to show, but I can’t imagine he’d be as overtly angry, or as harsh (“you daft bitch”) as he is.

If the above sounded critical, please know it is a very exciting chapter.



Author's Response: OK, I expected something like this would happen when I wrote this. First of all, I must put a disclamer somehow here to say that I certainly DO NOT believe that Pagans get up to this sort of stuff. In fact, at the time I post the staff twice to ensure it was TOS compliant. Also, I owled a forum member who I know is a Pagan to see if it was offensive and she liked the chapter actually. I think I was a bit economical with explanation here, partly for fear of offending or of bringing it out of TOS compliance. Llamas does exist, of course, and I believe when I described it, I did so in a positive way. I am aware of the Pagan tradition myself. Yes, I have a fascination with various religions etc but, as a person, I'm extremelly respectful. I'll play with a parapsychologist later on too. To me, it all marries up in "do no harm" and Lily's power of love etc.

I see Cissa as someone very reckless when it comes to her son. She intends no evil but she has almost lost her mind. She knows LV's plans for her son to kill her and she can allow for him to have to do that. She'll do anything, experiment with whatever. Since she is using a book, she is not drawing from her own religious rituals, she is a desperate quesst to get a solution fast!

I'm terribly sorry to have offended you, especially after all the effort you have put into my story, but even if that wasn't the case. I push boundaries but I hate offending.

Religion was never mentioned in canon and such. Later on (this chapter was written before DH) JKR said that wizards have sort of the same religions as we do, ok, all sorts.

I thought that for a DE mother to sacrifice herself for her son, it had to be something dark involved. Yes, I research mythology a lot (although only a little shows) but I'll owl you about this since my replies get so long that I have to cut them down for them to be allowed!

Now, Sevyy! I thought he was clear that he loved her really deeply. He cries, for one thing and he helps her cross over, or tries... Yes, he insults her, but he is an abrupt character, he's just not use to I love you and so forth. It's also in extreme shock!

I hope I haven't put you off completely, but yes, I must have some kind of disclaimer here!


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Review #15, by JLHufflepuff 

1st November 2007:
This chapter has some definitely strong images in it. I was a bit confused when Narcissa was performing the rite on herself.. It was to try to get Voldy to spare Draco, but was she doing this to Voldy or to a god? I am confused on that part, but it could be I just don't know anything about that ritual.

Do you plan on connecting the pagan ritual to the Christian themes, or is it kind of separate?

The scene of her actual death with Snape was both disturbing and powerful at the same time. I'm a bit confused about why he put her in her bed if he was going to take her with him, but I might just be missing something..

Anyway, I read this a few days ago but got interrupted and didn't get to post the review! :-)

Author's Response: Ah, the confussion, yes, I thought this may happen! Now, first of all, the Pagan festival, Llamas, does exist and it's a happy sort of thing but it gives way to the next part of the year, towards the darkness of autumn and winter. Now, I only intended to use this as a backdrop for the scene. The actual ritual does not exist. I made it up! I actually owled a Pagan lady at the time to ensure that I was not offending Pagans and she said it was fine.

Now, what she does is give herself to Voldy unilaterally in a kind of concubine capacity when he finds out he blocks here and kills her for having the cheek, I suppose but I'll owl you an explain. I couldn't be too explicit even if this is mature...

Now, the Pagan ideas will link with the Christian ones, basically that if you love your enemy you have a protection, the power of love sort of thing but this is not quite what Narcissa does but still she knows she may die and does it hoping to save her son, so, in a way. The unfinished business is to do with dying without seeing her son one last time.

You may also have a point about putting her in her bed. I think he is just thinking as he goes along because he is in shock.

Thanks again for keeping up with this and for your very helpful comments, x


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Review #16, by jyyl94 

15th October 2007:
Wow, so he loved her too ! OMG, that's .. unbelievable. Great descriptions in this chapter, I love it a lot. You're getting better at writing, so keep it up ! Sentence : Again, He cursed the Dark Lord, he cursed Narcissa and he cursed himself. The letter 'H' in the word 'he' shouldn't be a capital.

I really love this chapter because everything was well written, and I'm now off to read the next chapter !!

Author's Response: Yeah, a little twist here. Actually, the first scene in HBP gave me this impression, the way he reacts to her when she is crying (in HBP) but oh, well, never happene in canon. This chapter took me longer than the others I think. I used a lot of references to Pagan traditions, legends and mythology. The mythology element only shows a little but I certainly looked into all kinds of serpent gods in the context of regeneration, fertility and immortality... Yes, I think the capital H is just a typo, actually. I'll go and change that. This is actually one of my favourite chapters. Thanks again.

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Review #17, by Joanne K 

19th September 2007:
Great imagery in this chapter! Wow, interesting twist with Snape.

Author's Response: I'm pleased you like the imagery. It is my most elaborated chapter. I love mixing things like mythology etc although the ritual is probably a bit complicated. Yes, Snape... I love this character... that was actually something I thought might have possibly be canon but obviously it wasn't to be. I think this puts Draco in a very different situation, it will be harder for him to sit on the fence...

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Review #18, by LupinFan45 

9th September 2007:
it is gettign better keep writing!

LupinFan45

Author's Response: Cheers. This is a complicated chapter but one of my favourites in fact.

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Review #19, by edenvirg 

25th August 2007:
OMG! So he loved her too. This was so sad but beautiful. I really love the symbolisms you use. :)

Author's Response: This is my most elaborated chapter so far. I tried to draw a lot from mythology and I use a Pagan festival as the backdrop but of course what she actually does is completely imaginary. Yes, I think Snape had this tendency to love deeply and in secret, he does have a heart somewhere...

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Review #20, by Wingnut1974 

17th August 2007:
This is a truely great story and I hope to more updates soon. Thank you for sharing it.

Author's Response: I'm very glad you like it. Yes, chapter 14 is currently up for validation, I'm working on 15th now but started writing the end before DH came out,so that my ending would be my own... now, I just have to fill in the middle, although it's hard after DH! Thanks for your support!

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