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88 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 1DarkAngel1 

22nd October 2009:
WOW - it's just getting better and better!!

Author's Response: Thanks! :)

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Review #2, by mgmve 

1st October 2009:
Please update soon! I love this story and I want to know what happens next!

Author's Response: Just keep reading. It'll get better! :) Thank you! :)

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Review #3, by Miss Lily Potter 

9th August 2009:
“Kindly withdraw your claws; this is no place for a cat fight.” -That line made me laugh; I know, it was meant to be funny, but still.
Ooh, what happened to everyone? Hmm, I really want to know, haha.
I loved the part where Ginny wanted to hex Hayden, because she thought he was Draco, and Draco walks by. xD That struck me as very funny, so good job!
So, wait. Hermione and Draco are Hayden's parents, but Draco was abusive, and then everyone... died? Did I get that right? Sorry, I got a bit confused. ):
But all in all, I like this story! (:
-Jasmine

Author's Response: Hi Jasmine! Thanks for leaving a comment. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this chapter. Yeah, when Hayden remembers his past (the past of HIS era) he remembers his father as being abusive and as an alcoholic and his mother of dying in a horrible accident. But of course soon he'll discover the truth...

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Review #4, by Breatheonme 

7th August 2009:
Great chapter once again.

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #5, by Groundswell 

27th February 2009:
Here, in this chapter, I think you're catching Draco's character pretty well. Only trying to make trouble when he's got the advantage, but as soon as he (and Crabbe and Goyle) are outnumbered, it's suddenly not funny anymore.
But again, I don't think you've caught the right Ginny; she's too angry. It's okay to be defensive when being attacked, but jumping right to it, close to offensive is a bit too much, I think.
Hermione is perfect. Says nothing, but if Ginny hadn't done anything, she surely would have done something. I'm reminded off third year, when she suddenly snapped. That's the Hermione we love!
It was an okay chapter. Nice to see the meeting between Hayden and his parents, and how he reacted to them.

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Review #6, by Phoenix_Flames 

25th February 2009:
Hello, there, dear! I'm here with your review as requested.

Now, I know you wanted some feedback, but I really don't have much to say. I'm sorry. Everything is just so wonderful. There is nothing to comment on except for its pure brilliancy.

This story is amazing!! I don't know what else to say besides that. XD

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you very much, Phoenix_Flames!
I'm glad you enjoy it so far! :) Don't worry about not giving much feedback. I'm glad you dropped by anyway. :)


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Review #7, by FutureAggie09 

23rd February 2009:
This is brilliant =] very lovely chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks! :)

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Review #8, by Love Made Visible 

5th February 2009:
As soon as you revealed that Hermione was the mother, I automatically assumed that Draco was the father: I always loved being right! What struck me was how well you put across Hayden's nervousness. You made him mess up his speech a little bit at the beginning, adding a few "er's" and making him falter quite a bit. I enjoyed reading it, even though it perhaps wasn't supposed to it added quite a humorous edge to it; it made him seem quite vulnerable and clumsy. I liked this side of his personality, he seemed ever so naïve and it was sweet!

Ginny was great in this chapter. When she was scanning Hayden I think it was something which she would have done, she definitely doesn't suffer fools gladly and you characterised her well, kept her canon. I think it was effective how she sent him flying aswell, and quite interesting that she assumed he was Malfoy undercover. Ginny I believe was always one to jump headfirst into situations when she doesn't know the whole story, she's an extremely headstrong, impulsive character and it would be just like her to get it completely wrong. When Hayden got his wires crossed by not realising that they thought it was his father, it once again displayed his naïvity and I thought it was a good technique.

I felt extremely sorry for Hayden when he saw what his father was like as a teenager, and the cruel way in which he treated not only his peers, but his mother. The way you characterised Draco was perfect also, just like he was in the books. The smart comments that he made were great, I could really imagine him saying them to Ginny and Hermione. His self-importance was always obvious in Jo's novels and it's equally as apparent in your novella.

One thing I found surprising was how Hayden challenged his father. He was new to that era and emotions had the better of him, he was extremely nervous and I'm not sure that it was realistic to have him challenge him like that - he didn't know how that era worked after all, did he? He didn't know what kind of person his father was like as a teenager. It was effective nonetheless, the similarities that the father and son share became extremely obvious in the way that they argued. Something else I found quite weird was that Draco walked away. It's not something he'd do with his two cronies covering his back. But perhaps he felt he didn't want to duel with a fellow Slytherin, but only you know that of course. I get the impression that during his childhood he never liked his father much? And also that he had to witness Draco make Hermione's life difficult, making her feel small exactly like he had done when he was a teenager. Am I on the right lines?

I just adore Hayden's vulernability. When he embraced Hermione I thought it was just lovely, because I could tell all the way through the chapter that he had been longing to do that. I bet Hermione thought it was very weird though! I can tell how much he loves his mother, and I'm extremely intrigued to find out what happens between them in the forthcoming chapters, and also how the relationship with his father develops, and the tragedy that is destined to happen in Ginny's life.

LMV

Author's Response: Another wonderful review, which this chapter actually didn't deserve! *wipes away tears of joy* Thank you very much for taking the time writing such a profound review!

Yeah, Hayden was quite nervous when he first met his mother. I'm glad you liked his reaction to her and Ginny. :) And yes, you're right, as a child, Hayden had witnessed his father making his mother's life difficult. But he could never do anything about it since he was very small. Now that he was the same age (and a year older) as his father, he gathered all his courage to challenge him. Of course he had no idea how Draco would react, deep inside Hayden was scared that his dad might slap him like he did when he was still a small child, but at least he had to try...(it was for his mum after all).

Draco walked away with his cronies because Hayden sort of humiliated and intimidated him with his posture: the balled fists, the fiery eyes, the determined facial expression - he was ready to fight back. Draco didn't want to mess with such a fella.

I'm glad you liked that last part, though some people think it was quite dramatic and has a touch of Oedipus complex. LOL
Thanks again for the amazing review. :D


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Review #9, by Emo Mist 

10th January 2009:
You are such a vivid writer. It's amazing.
I love the passion you express through your chapters. I am really getting a feeling for it.
The one thing I have to say is that is that the end doesn't seem as well written as the other parts. I can't really figure out what it is, but maybe just look over it once and see if there is anything you can add.
Other than that, this was fantastic :)
Good job!

Author's Response: Oh, I need to add something in the last part? I'll see what I can do. :) Thanks for the review! :D

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Review #10, by Browneyes101 

11th December 2008:
I'm here once again. :)

Another beautiful chapter, I'm just in awe. Seriously. Now, lets get down to the evil, nasty stuff so that we can get to the good stuff. Alright here goes!

I saw some grammar mistakes toward the end, I don't know rather you were excited that you were finally getting the chapter done, or if you were in a rush, but whatever is was, it shows. I suggest that you slow down a bit and not rush into things, take your time. But lets not be as slow as Christmas, alright (pun intended).

Now here comes the fun part, the good stuff! This chapter was just like the last one: beautifully written with a lot of passion in it. I could feel the emotion that you were trying to bring out, I could see the setting, see the pictures in my head. That's a good thing, tells me everything ran smoothly.

On to chapter three! Hope I helped. 9/10

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Review #11, by FanofCards25 

25th November 2008:
Good Chapter. I like how you put so much emotion into Hayden. From Hermione's perspective though, I would have been a bit creeped out with him pulling her into a hug. They had only just met. I think this story really holds potential :)

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Review #12, by gitgit 

14th November 2008:
oh my gosh
wow that was definatly an interesting chapter
and wait why did draco hit hayden and where was draco in the future?

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Review #13, by canta_loupe 

10th November 2008:
GOSH, I love Hayden. It's actually kind of ironic because I know a Hayden, and I would never put the words love and Hayden together in the same sentence, but you kind of made me. I love how the story is moving along, and I don't think you really need to be concerned about this chapter. You mentioned in the forums that the chapter isn't really written in anyone's POV, but I think that it is... So I don't know what you're really "concerned about." The chapter and this story is great! In fact... *clicks Add to Favorites* :)

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Review #14, by zEthHPfrEaK 

7th November 2008:
Aw! This is cute! I love the last line - it was awesome!
It's really nice how he's trying so hard to save her! It makes me incredibly interested to know whether or not he'll make a difference. Because... you know - time and all - going back doesn't actually do anything once it's done, UNLESS it's different in this story. And if it IS different in this story - will Hermione even fall in love with Malfoy (Draco)? And will Hayden even be born? Is he gonna get them together, with Draco actually loving her? Really interesting :) Plus there!

However, sometimes it was quite confusing as to who was speaking... I mean, when you wrote
"'- Ladies, ladies...' the stranger intervened..."
I thought it was some completely new person... So yeah. And that's about it!

So, overall - Great plot! And, again, your amazing at making the story flow! Your a great writer!

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Review #15, by SpringTime 

5th November 2008:
Ah so sad, I wonder what Hermione will think of the hugging bit? You do a great job at explaining Hayden's emotions, and I can feel his pain with the loss of his mother and the dissapointment for his father. I wasn't as fond of the first insult that he threw Draco's way, maybe it could be worked on a bit. Also the first paragraph doesn't read as smoothly as the rest of this chapter. Otherwise a nice chapter.

Author's Response: I've re-read this chapter yesterday and tried to fix some spelling errors XD. Then I noticed that the first insult sounded off too. I'll try to fix it somehow. Thank you again! :D

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Review #16, by rowenaravenclaw94 

18th October 2008:
somehow, i get the feeling that meddling with the past isn't really a good idea... good job! 10/10! so far so good...
-xoxo, rowenaravenclaw94

Author's Response: :) It isn't a good idea... lol but Hayden is too stubborn.

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Review #17, by Gypsy_Girl 

17th October 2008:
Aww, poor Hermione must be pretty confused right about now.

How come he didn't go to Hogwarts?

Author's Response: He didn't go to Hogwarts because he didn't want to. He's got a reason why he didn't... :)

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Review #18, by SilverEssence 

11th October 2008:
awww, hayden is so cute!!
okay, let me get this straight, cause i'm kind of confused.
hermione dies when hayden is 8, malfoy grows up to be fat and drunk.
ginny dies somewhere along it all..
anything i'm missing out on?
great work!

Author's Response: Everyone has a horrible future. xD No, you didn't miss anything. ^_^

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Review #19, by Mistress 

8th October 2008:
Can't wait to read more! I love this.

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Review #20, by spk 

6th October 2008:
Aww, how sad!
LOVEED IT!
You're the best, I got glued to the 'book' by the second.
:)

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Review #21, by TantheCan 

9th June 2008:
Love the name Hayden...

Although I've only had two encounters with Hayden so far, this might be pre-mature, but there isn't something about his personality that really makes him pop. Yes, it's all rather sweet that he's trying to save his mother and salvage his parents marriage, but I still don't see that unique quality that makes him interesting and intriguing as a main character. I like that he has Draco's genes and Hermione's genes mixed in him, but I feel like there needs to be more with Hayden. This is only the second chapter, but thats just my opinion.

Otherwise, great name calling throughout this chapter; I love it. I shall continue reading the rest!

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Review #22, by singerhotti24 

7th June 2008:
Well, I do believe that I have fallen in love with your story! I think I'm just going to have to add it to my favorites!

My favorite spot in this chapter was : "Thou holy traitor!"

I laughed. Your dialogue, once again, is quite satisfying. You are still missing those couple verbs, and there are some places that would flow better if you rephrased them.

In example:

"-Ladies, ladies..." the stranger intervened, {as he seperated} (insted of putting 'seperating') Malfoy and Ginny with his hands.

Also, the comma plauge is prevalent here too:

But then {,} Draco quickly losing his patience, threw a last warning glare...

Ect. and so forth.

I still love the plot, and the characterization is very canon, and I am loving it so far! This is a truly intruiging piece :)

Author's Response: Ooh, I've made the changes, though I don't quite agree with the last one. :)
I'm glad you like the plot! :) YAY...


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Review #23, by Shellee 

11th May 2008:
Aw, he met his mum. He looks that much like Draco, hm? Must be a handsome little bugger, hehe. I'd think Ginny knows better to think Draco would do something like that, I don't think he'd be able to. Then he stood up to his father. He really seems more like his father already. It's lovely =)

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Review #24, by KaraBlack 

24th April 2008:
AWWW, it was so sweet at the end! I wonder what happened that could have caused Draco and Hermione to get together but i also wonder how Hermione died and why Draco is mean to Hayden! :D

Its really great and flow, description everything is amazing! :D

Author's Response: Draco is mean to everyone, but once he figures out Hayden is the only one who knows about his "secret crush", he soon "makes friends" with Hayden. (Well, not really friends... but...)
Thanks for the review! Yay!


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Review #25, by Fallstar 

22nd April 2008:
Character development
Draco
Draco is seen as witty and a cowardly bully. This is appropriate because one can be highly intelligent and still be a bully by being an intellectual bully. Alexander Pope and Issac Newton are examples that you may want to look into to understand this. He clearly is attracted to Hermione, but is still too immature to express it properly. This is a bit hard to believe, but I’ll accept it.
Ginny
Good job at pulling her from Suism. Her confusion and her anger…really all of the canon characteristics were given a chance to shine. The part where she puts her wand to his neck is highly believable and brings me to the scene, wishing for a good resolution.
Hermione
Hermione is almost not here, but where she is here, she is wonderful. The clear idea of a thinker who is uncertain about the ‘awkward time’ to use the Victorian phrase, is painted, though it could also be a crush repressed by intellectual repulsion.
Hayden Malcolm
He so clearly has an Oedipus Complex that a better name might be Basil Hauting in order to put a bit of a joke in the story. His obsession with saving his mother is very sweet and childlike, and from time to time childish. By this age, he ought to know the obscene syllogism: All men are mortal/Mother is man/mother is mortal. Using the generic man. Is the implied love between Ginny and Draco going to become a Ginny and Hayden love? I ask because of the comment about his feeling sorry for her tragic life. Yes, he is a Stu, but he is so toned down, it is not offensive.

Plot

There is quite a bit beginning motion chapter. There is an implied Oedipus plot between Hermione and Hayden. There is an implied love between Ginny and Draco that is likely to transfer to Hayden and so resolve the Oedipus. There is a rivalry between Draco and Hayden that will be resolved by Hayden taking Ginny and Draco taking Hermione. Does this leave Harry and Ron to their own devices? I thought this was not slash. Thus they must get some other girls. Cho? Luna?
Within the chapter, there was a unity of action that is very pleasant to read. The five actions (beginning, rising, climax, falling resolution) were well done, though I did not like the obsession with emotion as a plot but the Oedipus plot made the story seem classical. The formality of your plot structure is a relief and a pleasure yet can seem stilted at times.
7/10
As usual, I'll send you the grammar.

Author's Response: Hi Fallstar!
Hmm... implied love between Draco and Ginny? Do you mean "love" as in "care" or "love" as being "romantically involved"?

There will no be "Hayden taking Ginny" because she's with Harry, but yes, there will be " Draco taking Hermione". And there'll be no slash, either. ;)
As for Cho, I have different plans for her. :)

Yay, thanks a bunch for the review. And even more thank you for the grammar part. :D


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