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55 Reviews Found

Review #1, by hedwigs_theme 

6th May 2012:
Wow this is great, I love it! I am moving on to the chapter 2! :) 9/10

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Review #2, by club_orange 

25th February 2011:
this sounds sort of scarey, can't wait to read wat happens next:) totaly love the whole idea:) gr8 so far xx

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Review #3, by Potter_Princessx3 

6th August 2010:
that-was-amazing!
Like i mean was really really really good!
You are an amazing writter, i cant wait to read your next chapter! (:
~AUTUMN.
9/10

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Review #4, by kandekisses 

1st March 2010:
Oh my goodness!
I have chills right now. Wow this is amazing. I love darker stories like this and you wrote this beautifully.

You definitely did your homework! The amount of information is really nice and flows so well. I haven't came across this plot before on here and I have to say you came up with a brilliant idea.

It felt like I was watching a movie instead of reading. Oh, I couldn't imagine going through that type of stuff. And you said that it was based off of real events too? I sure am glad we don't live in those ages.

Very nice start, I'm 100% intrigued to see what happens next.

Author's Response: :D I'm so glad you liked it! Yeah, based of of real events. Fian was real. Brothwell was real. Caleb wasn't, but I'm sure somebody like him was! Thank you!!

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Review #5, by Blwe 

27th February 2010:
:] I like history and I like Harry Potter so what is better than the two being mixed together? NOTHING. Hurray :] Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks! And I completely agree Harry Potter plus witch hunty history (any history, really, because it is so bloody awesome!) is great! I hope you like it!

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Review #6, by MrsKatieGrint 

27th February 2010:
Wow. Beautifully detailed start. Very strong too. It seems you have everything planned out and well organised. Everything flows very smoothly leaving no bumps. :) Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you!!! I do, alot of the time during my two year split I was planning. I can't wait to write what hapepns in the future! Thanks!!!

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Review #7, by Misty_Dreamer 

22nd February 2010:
Great chapter! Brilliant imagery!

Above, in the authors' note you said that this was based on real events. What exactly are those events?

Author's Response: Thank you! =D

I meant that Dr. Fian was real and that he actually died on that day. Also all the torture methods used were used during the Scottish witchhunts ^_^


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Review #8, by Andie 

10th October 2009:
Hi, great story! Love the descriptions, I could pretty much see it played out like a movie in my head. At first, I didn't really like the layout of the paragraphs, because they were spread out and short, but they kind of add to how the story is read, so in the end they worked for me.
Just one question, why is he referred to as a witch if he is male? Shouldn't he be referred to as a wizard?
Once again, good work, looking forward to the next chapter...

Author's Response: Thank you!! I used the term 'witch' because 'wizard' wasn't really used much, if at all, back in those days. Maybe warlock would be better, but I thought witch was more menacing.

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Review #9, by RonsGirlFriday 

27th June 2009:
I love it! This was just an excellent chapter -- creepy from beginning to end, dark and realistic. It seems you really did your homework preparing to write about this time period, which is awesome. Once again, I think you have an awesome way of putting words together to express what a character is thinking or feeling -- particularly dark characters like Caleb.

Author's Response: Yeah, oh boy, did I do alot of homework xD I'm glad oyu liked it so far!! You're absolutely amazing!

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Review #10, by Massacre 

19th May 2009:
Very nice starter chapter. I like the way you have placed things and are telling your story. And you really have chosen one of most entertaining past events.
I had idea to write a story from this time with HP characters, so it would be interesting to watch you develop similar idea.

Good luck with placing everything in right place and lots of inspiration wishes is in order!

10/10

Massacre

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #11, by Spicky 

7th January 2009:
oooh, freaky!!!
but tres gut!!!
love it!!!
:-)
xxx

Author's Response: Lol, thank you! I really wanted to give it that creepy mood. Thanks!

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Review #12, by DarkLadyofSlytherin 

3rd January 2009:
So I saw your thread on the Help Needed Forum, and thought I'd give your fic a read to see if I could figure out how to help you. So far, I absolutely love what you've got written and am going to take a look at the second chapter now.

Normally I wouldn't have even looked at it once I read that it was a dramione and a time travel fic, but I'm really interested.

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! I went to checking my unanswered reviews and I was so surprised to see reviews for this story, so thank you very much for posting! Yeah, I understand what you mean because Dramiones and time traveling are somewhat cliches...but I hope I can change (at least the second point) that around! Thank you for your lovely comments!

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Review #13, by Alexa_The_First 

24th February 2008:
This is so creepily good. I'm very excited and slightly nervous about reading the next chapter.
I really do love this story and you are such a good horror writer.
xx

Author's Response: Thank you! Haha you don't need to be scared for a little while...and don't let my name fool you I'm really not as dark as my writing is. Thank you!

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Review #14, by JLHufflepuff 

3rd February 2008:
This is very disturbing, but it's also historically accurate .. It's just plain disturbing what things were done in the name of God. I know that this is setting up the background for when some of our favorite witches and wizards get transported back there. I think it's definitely going to be interesting!

Author's Response: Yes they were and it just goes to show that even though we're a little more smarter we're still animals and I think its sad :(. And you're right! Hopefully it will remain interesting with what I got planned ^_^ I have dozens of notebooks on this story and I can't wait to get everything out in the open! Thank you!

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Review #15, by evil little devil 

2nd February 2008:
Wow! Brilliant. You are definately good at writing horror. Your writing style is amazing, you should think aboutwriting your own books.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love horror stories and its positively thrilling to hear that *hugs* I actually have a dream that one day I'll be interviewed by Katie Couric for a best seller I authored and what you just said made my night! Thank you so much!

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Review #16, by Girldetective85 

24th January 2008:
Hey there! I'm here to review as promised. :) Well this is an interesting story, very dark and disturbing. I like the description of these witch hunts because I unfortunately don't know much about Scottish history, so this is pretty educational for me. So poor Dr. Fian wasn't a witch after all? He probably just wanted to spit out something, anything, to stop the torture but of course the witch hunters are never merciful. Poor guy! The descriptions were terrific, particularly those of the doctor's prison cell - very effective.

My main problem with this is that the grammar is in pretty tough shape all throughout the entire chapter. I would definitely suggest a beta for you just to tie up all the loose ends and clean it up a little bit. If you're not interested in using a beta, I will point out a few things to you in case you'd like to do some proofreading yourself.

"The wind howled into the night, making the bare trees creak like a rocking chair as it oscillates." (I love this description, so beautiful! I just thought the "as it oscillates" sounded unnecessary and out of place.)

"Four chilly stone walls and a floor made up the barriers of the room, and the elderly man lay on the ground, curled up to his insomnia only hoping this hell of his would end." (The part with "curled up to his insomnia" did not make sense to me; perhaps it would be better to change it to something like "curled up with insomnia")

"Anyways he knew better not to sleep, because he would get flogged if that happened; or worse killed." (The word "anyways" should be "anyway." The semi-colon is not necessary, something like a dash or a "..." would be more effective, in my opinion.)

"As a doctor, he was used to being around the sick and dying, used to the stench of bitter death but he never dreamed he would be playing the role of the wan patient, hanging on to life only on a thread, shivering on the grimy stone floor all alone where he thought even God had forsaken him." (This is another beautiful descriptive sentence, but it's too long and run-on. I would separate it into two sentences after "bitter death." So it would become: "As a doctor he was used to being around the sick and the dying, used to the stench of bitter death. He never dreamed he would be playing the role..." And so on)

“Bring him,” a man’s voice ordered, his tone silky with cruelness. (The word "cruelness" should be "cruelty")


I just saw a bunch of errors like that, and I think if they were fixed up, the flow would be much smoother and then the reader would be able to concentrate on your lovely descriptions and fast-paced plot rather than grammatical stuff. But otherwise, I really like the beginning of this story. Your plot is intriguing and engaging; your characters are sympathetic (well, the doctor is, anyway ... lol); and you are pretty much a master at imagery. So great work! Hope I helped you out in the grammar arena. :)

Author's Response: Oh my gosh that is one big review! And thank you so much for your help with the grammar...that really is my downfall in writing (besides humour). I'll make an appoint to post for a beta in the forums. Descriptions come rather easy for me..but as you pointed out with my dreadful grammar errors I have a habit of getting away with them XD - Its cool oyu liked them *hug*!

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #17, by madgal 

20th January 2008:
Wow great discription in this chapter. It wasnt over done at all. I really feel as if i could picture everything that is happening and it was done wonderfully!

Author's Response: Thank you! It makes me happy that you enjoyed that =)

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Review #18, by Pretty Purple Pelican 

12th January 2008:
Urgh. What a horribly vicious character- Caleb, I mean. Your descriptions are wonderfully vivid. I really enjoyed this chapter. Nice job! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! Caleb will be back mwahaha ^_^ It makes me happy that you like it!

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Review #19, by beating_faster 

16th December 2007:
oooh that was intense. now i'm intrigued, reading on to the next chapter

Author's Response: Thank you!

XxVampireXx


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Review #20, by Isha_Rose 

28th November 2007:
This is breath-taking, heart-pounding, edge of seat writing. I feel for this man, and I don't even know him. Good god, please continue!

Author's Response: Thank you! Never, fear the show must go on!

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Review #21, by oni_yakamiza 

4th October 2007:
what an arse.I sware, I would've jumped over the table and beatten his jaw into his face..aww I hate men like that...kinda reminds me of Lucius. skum to the earth.

Author's Response: Yes Caleb is very evil. I'm sure the doctor would have done too but remember he wasn't running with a complete full deck. I actually like Lucius to be honest with you! Lol! But yeah...Caleb isn't a character to very easily like on site. There will be some background info. No one is evil from birth...

XxVampireXx


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Review #22, by Clowee_tee 

28th August 2007:
Wow. How original! I love it. Hooked already!

Author's Response: Thankyou!

XxVampireXx


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Review #23, by CuteKrazyKay 

17th August 2007:
That was a fantastic starting chapter, you write with such clear intensity, it was really good!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much CuteKrazyKay! I hope you enjoy what's to come, if you thought this was intense :) Thank you for reviewing!

XxVampireXx


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Review #24, by AndrinaBlack 

31st July 2007:
That's horrible (what happened), but very well written! It's always very awful to think about what happened in those times. Anyways, the story is written very grippingly and I still want to read more of it despite the not so nice subject.

Author's Response: Thanks! Yes it really was awful wasn't it?


XxVampireXx


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Review #25, by hermystwin 

26th July 2007:
This was an amazing piece! I have read several fiction books on the Salem Witch Trials and this came close to every account. Torturing the lies out of the prisoners, I mean. You really managed to bring out the more terrifying parts of the Salem Trials.

Off to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hullo hermystwin! Glad you could drop in! This is actually the Scottish trials, not Salem dolly. I tried to be different in this area of fanfiction, but it make me soooooooo happy to know you found it splendidly terrifing!

XxVampireXx


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