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48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by jj 

9th March 2012:
i like your turn on the protection Lily gave Harr

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Review #2, by datbenik513 

11th May 2009:
Harry's being sucked into the Maelstrom of events. Luckily, he's "saved" from the Dursleys by a whole committee including Fleur. Just curious why she came. Do by the way Veela charms work on Muggles as well? They do, as it seems from the chapter.

Back to the Burrow, where the atmosphere is somewhat awkward. Well, at least between Harry and Ginny. His nobility is understandable, he doesn't want Ginny get into trouble. On the other hand, the Weasleys are indeed blood traitors, so trouble sooner or later will come their way. Preferably later than sooner.

I can clearly feel Ginny is pissed with Harry. Now, in the Harry/Ginny discussion thread someone wanted to make me understand that G understands H and his reasons. Honestly, I never had that feeling and even after reading this chapter I don't have. Maybe that will come after G and H had their talk.

It's just a lust for the eye to read this perfectly written text. Sophisticated, rich English, perfectly making the point and conveying the emotions.

Author's Response: Oh, my God, my head is now so swollen I'm going to have to get wider doors! It really encourages me to continue to write, which I always intended to but have been a bit barren of late.

Veela charms. C'omon you're a guy. I reckon it would work on Muggles, maybe even on the priest! lol I put that scene there for a little comic relief. This story is dark enough in the main.

Harry and Ginny. Well, he's my ideal man and I identify with Ginny... How I view it is that she understands him but that doesn't mean that she is happy about it or prepared to tolerate it. In this story, they will be living under the same roof most of the time, so they will do more than talk... in due course.

In DH, she seems to patiently accept that Harry has to complete his mission first but we don't see Ginny hardly at all in that book so it's not really possible to be certain about her true feelings on the matter. I wrote this before DH and I wanted her involved, even though I guess she wouldn't be in canon.

Harry thinks he can keep her safe but Harry is often mistaken.

Thanks so much!!!


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Review #3, by SiriuslyPeeved 

3rd May 2009:
I'm continually floored by all the parallels between your story (which, I know, you started well in advance of Deathly Hallows' publication :) ) and the book itself. I was laughing out loud when Vernon Dursley was ogling Fleur. What would he have said if he knew she was part-human? Great humorous touch :)

I think I actually like your take on Ginny's fury at being left behind better than the book's version. I found it difficult to believe that the hot-tempered Ginny would let it go as easily as she did in the book.

There are a few tiny errors here and there (the spelling of Voldemort; some punctuation missing) and when you next do a revision, I'm sure you will catch them. Wonderful chapter, and I'll be reading along.

Author's Response: Oh, damn, my response has disappeared!

First of all, thanks so much for continuing to read and review. It's most appreciated.

I wrote like mad at first because I wanted to have a clear idea as to this story as I knew that DH would influence me. I had the ending worked out before hand and various other plot devices. Now, the difficulty I have now is with the points I hadn't decided on because sometimes I can't decide whether to stay canon or depart from it.

I identify a bit with Ginny and I could imagine her being rather annoyed although she won't stay mad at Harry forever. I wanted her to have been more involved in DH but I guess it might have detracted from the main plot. She will be an important player here.

Thanks so much for mentioning the errors. I keep missing them! I'll take another look.

I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story so far.


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Review #4, by Foxtrott 

29th November 2008:
Hey there.

Ahhh, the charm of the veela. Works every time. Haha. Aww even Dudley's hooked. :P

I think your characterisation of Harry is very good, he's three-dimensional and well-rounded. Some internal conflict on Ginny's part was also a good addition to the story. :)

Just the occasional grammatical errors. I think it should have been 'Ginny shouted frustratedly'. :)

If you don't mind, I'm going to settle the other two stories before I come back to review more of this fic, since the other two stories have only one and two chapters respectively. :)

Cheers, Foxtrott.

Author's Response: No problem at all, yes, by all means go ahead and review the rest of your list first.

Thanks so much again, by the way, it's most appreciated.

I'm glad you like the characterisation of both Harry and Ginny. The way he broke it off at the end of HBP was so forced, well neither of them wanted it. Here, they are at first trying to avoid each other but then, well, they are going to be in too much contact for them to be able to just be like that, so things will have to go one way or the other.

I'm glad you like my little detail with Fleur.

Yes, I think you are right and frustratedly is better than frustrated in this context.

Thanks so much again. x


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Review #5, by Savangel 

28th November 2008:
A few more grammar and spelling issues, so I would recommend another readthrough, but again, no really big problem there. But on the same general subject, try to avoid the word 'had.' The second paragraph could easily be, "Ron finally sent him an owl. 'Come on, etc.,' he announced," and it helps to keep the reader involved and the story immediate. Present tense verbs (-ing verbs) fall under the same guidelines. They stand out a bit more, which is distracting from the story, and they even drag the pace a bit, especially where you have more than one in the same sentence. These sentences also run the risk of becoming run-on.

The only really troublesome part that I saw was in the eighteenth paragraph, the POV switch is abrupt and unnecessary. Have Petunia mention her bit aloud, if you really think you need it at all. Then just describe the rest.

All in all though, pretty good. The characterization and plot are developing well and for the most part -- aside from the had and the -ing -- the story continues to have excellent flow. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much again. Okay the use of "had", in my understanding is okay when used as past perfect, i.e. when the past action happened at a time in the past that has now finished. Ron sent the owl a few days before the period in time when Harry is thinking about this. If I have said "Harry sent him an owl" it would seem as if it had been earlier that day. I don't know if I have explained this properly though.

The tenses ending in ing indicate an action that is still ongoing at the time of writing but I will check these carefully to see if I did use them in the wrong context.

Now, point of view, yeah. The story is basically written in third person omminiscent (to give me the freedom to use various point of views) but this one was probably an abrupt way of doing things. Also, a lot of people really dislike frequent changes of point of view. Since Petunia has only one paragraph or so of thoughts, maybe it would be better to get someone else speak about how she looks as she is feeling.

I'm glad you are enjoying the characterisation and plot and that you think the flow is fine in the main.

You obviously put a lot of thought in your reviews, which is really good and thoughtful of you.

Thanks so much!


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Review #6, by Cedrics Blueyed Girl 

26th November 2008:
Hey! Just wanted to say quickly that your chapter image isn't working... just for your info =]

In this chapter, I think you've done a great job of portraying Harry's worries. I mean, who in his right mind wouldn't be worried about what he has to do? You've shown the vulnerable side of Harry very nicely and it adds a lot to his character.

The only problem I had with this chapter was your word choice. You don't use contractions at all such as can't or won't and so the characters seem very formal when they speak. In a few other places, I might have used a different word than you did but once again, that's just my writing style vs. yours; it's not a big problem.

The plot is moving along beautifully and your characters are developing quickly. I'm not sure if I'll be able to continue with this story as I have quite a few stories left to review. I may be able to come back and keep reading but if I don't, you can always re-request! I'd love to read/review more for you!

It's been an absolute pleasure reading your work; you are an amazing writer!!!

~CBG

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review, again. Don't worry about reviewing more for the moment. I totally understand that you have many more stories to review and this is extremely long. No problem at all. I may re-request again in the future but I will let you have a bit of breathing space for a while.

I'm glad you like my characterisation here and Harry's thoughts.

Thanks for pointing out there is a problem with the chapter image. I'll try to sort it out if I can. Now, I think you are right that I owe to use more contractions, especially in dialogue I guess to make them sound a bit less formal.

Thanks so much for your helpful reviews.


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Review #7, by MyronWin 

18th November 2008:
Hi Morgana67,
I'd been looking for an opening in reviews that either I missed a chapter or it was lost during the crash to tell you that I've begun posting a new story. The first 2 chapters (of 4) of "Harsh Mistress" are up and I invite you to read and review. Once you have the time, I also hint at my others. Being one of my favorite authors at this site, I value your opinions about my work. I hope that you are able and willing to spare a few moments and comment upon it/them.
I also intend to return to your story but it has been so long that I think I'll have to start over. I'll comment when and where I can, once again finding that rare vacancy.
Hope all is well.

Author's Response: Hi, you really honour me by saying that I'm one of your favourite authors on this site. I have now reviewed your first chapter and I'll get into some more reviewing soon. x

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Review #8, by SpringTime 

11th November 2008:
So I when Harry is reflecting on Ginny (which is wonderful) he says that he wanted to "caress her locks", I think it would sound better if he said run his fingers through her hair and then caress her body, caressing her locks just doesn't sound as good. Personal opinion however. The last line when everyone came to pick up Harry at the Dursley's seemed a bit awkward as well, what is Harry apologizing for? The last line Hermione's words aren't quoted. I also don't know if I like Ginny's response to to them either, it seems awkward.
On a Happy note, I really feel that you have a great story on your hands, and I am especially interested in learning more about Snapes plans (even though nothing was mentioned in this chapter). I think that you painted Mr. Dursley very well, and Ginny's frustration was great also. I hope we get to see some R/Hr stuff soon (can't help it, I love them).

Author's Response: Ah, you'll get to see some Ron/Hermione in chapter 5, although I must admit my main pairing is H/G, as well as some odd ones like Voldy/Bella!

I re-read the chapter and I guess capitalisation, in my humble opinion, only happens when a character is talking in present to himself/herself.

Now, Ginny... well Harry also fantasises about her breasts... I personally think that he fantasises enough without getting into pornography territory, but okay, running his finger through her locks, well that will happen eventually as a fact, as opposed to a fantasy!

I'm so, sooo. please that you like the theme of this story, though! Ginny will play a huge part, by the way. x


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Review #9, by Potterholic 

7th June 2008:
I really like this. The conversation between Molly, Harry, and Lupin was nicely written, and I love how Lupin explained about contacting the death and all. ^_^ I’m looking forward to whether Harry will tell the Order or not. The girl talk was interesting as well. I hope Ginny will talk to Harry eventually. Anyway, love this chapter! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much again. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. This one is particularly heavy in dialogue, I get more descriptive a bit later on. Yes, I thought the Muggle telephone analogy was apt and I'm glad you enjoyed Ginny's rant. Well, they will definitely talk... maybe more...

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Review #10, by Lynn_Jenny 

27th May 2008:
This is great. Your writing style and prose is perfection.

Author's Response: Wow, my head is swelling fast!

I'm really glad your enjoying it and thanks so much for reviewing, x


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Review #11, by GryffindorGirl007 

16th May 2008:
Here for your last review...for now that is :)

Well I have to say that your story keeps getting more interesting and I'm excited to see where it will lead.

You have done an excellent job of portraying Harry's emotions as well as Ginny's. You made the situation they are both in very realistic, what with being broken up but still liking each other. I liked hearing more about how Ginny felt about the break-up because it's something you don't hear a lot about in the books.

You have continued to have great sentence and plot flow, as well as very articulate descriptions! I hope that you keep this up :)

I will definitely be back soon to read more but it might be a little while. I hope my reviews were helpful!

GryffindorGirl007

P.S. I would love to take you up on your offer to review. It doesn't matter which one, whatever catches your eye. And if nothing interests you, don't worry about it.

Author's Response: Thanks so much again. This story is a combination of the hunt for Horcruxes but there are several other sub-plots entwined here too, hence this is turning out to be a very long thing.

Harry and Ginny, yes, I wanted to explore their relationship more, so this is pretty central to the story. I think JKR always wanted them to end up together but she thought of DH as more of an action/adventure book, so I guess she didn't want to complicate things but spending too many pages on their romance and falling outs but I just love this couple too much not to concentrate on them a bit.

I'm glad you are really enjoying it and, of course, your reviews are helpful.

I will review for you too, of course. I think I may start with the Truth and Dare one shot first and then move onto one of the other stories, hopefully soon.

Thanks so much, x.


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Review #12, by madgal 

27th April 2008:
Wow great story! You really put alot of time and effort into it and it shows. The story was very easy to read and i love the fact that everything flowed very nicely together!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. This is certainly very encouraging. I'm really pleased that you liked it!

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Review #13, by celticbard 

26th April 2008:
Hi morgana!
I'm so glad I had the opportunity to read the next chapter of your fic this week. Again, I love how you have continued to delve a bit deeper into the Durleys, especially Aunt Petunia. You so conveniently shifted the tension in their relationship in this chapter, it seems like there is destined to be some amount of awkwardness between Harry and his aunt whether they get along or not!

I also really liked Harry's common sense attitude in this chapter. He addressed so many interesting loopholes and loose ends. How exactly does Dumbledore's portrait work and why can't he go to him for advice? And what about the Mirror of Erised? Couldn't Harry look into it and see a way of defeating Voldemort? I thought that idea was rather clever on Harry's part.

The confusion between Harry and Ginny was also quite well done, in my mind. I honestly can't see them both picking up the pieces of their shattered relationship as Rowling led us to believe in DH.

I only noticed a few rough sentences in this chapter along with some point-of-view shifts. They are as follows.


Did he believe him dangerous?
This should be, Did he think he was dangerous?


"Uncle Vernon?" started Harry, standing between the sofa and the large television set trying to force Mr Dursley's attention.
I think this would sound better as, trying to grab Mr. Dursley's attention.


"What is it? Be quick," commanded his uncle not wishing to give whatever the matter was any more time that was strictly necessary.
This should be, than was strictly necessary.


Dinner wasn't quite ready yet! Petunia thought annoyed, quickly sticking in the oven a pie she was making. "Dudley, be a darling and open the door to our guests, please."
This is a point-of-view shift. Up until this point, you were writing the chapter from Harry's point-of-view. The sudden shift is rather jarring for a reader. Instead of this sentence, I would suggest something like, Harry thought Petunia looked annoyed. Her dinner wasn't quite ready yet. She bustled into the kitchen and stuck a pie in the over, "Dudley, be a darling..."


Aunt Petunia prayed with all her might that the Andersons' car broke down or something. They just couldn't arrive when these freaks were still there! She had just spotted that awful creature with the spiky short pink hair again. She was trying to get on with Harry these days, but this was just too much!
Again, another point-of-view shift. Instead, I would suggest something like, Harry could tell that Aunt Petunia was praying with all her might that the Andersons' car broke down or something. He knew she wouldn’t want them to arrive while those 'freaks' were still out there. Clearly, she had just spotted Tonks' vibrant, spiky pink hair and despite her best attempts to smooth things over with her nephew, Harry felt that she wouldn't stand for much more.


"There are lots I have to tell you.
This should be, There is lots...


Molly heard noises and rushed to greet everybody.
Again, a point-of-view shift. I would suggest something like, Molly rushed outside to greet everybody.


Look, that's why I finished with Ginny.
This should be, Look that's why I'm finished with Ginny.


Dumbledore said something about me having power Voldemort knows not and that it has something to do with being able to love."
I think this would sound better as, Dumbledore said something about me having a power Voldemort doesn't know about and he said it has something to do with being able to love.


Whatever is that you both were attempting, you can't do it alone.
This should be, Whatever it is that you were both attempting, you can't do it alone now.


Lupin felt a bit sad to have to burst the bubble but realised that he must impress that idea on the boy.
Another point-of-view shift. Perhaps you would consider, Harry knew that Lupin did not want to burst his bubble, but he also realized that his former professor wanted to impress the idea upon him.


"Again, Harry, that mirror doesn't show you the truth. Merely what you most want to see."
I think this would sound better as, Merely what you want to see the most.


"You will have to make a decision as to whether you think confiding on anyone is wise or not, given the circumstances," summarised Lupin.
This should be, you think confiding in anyone...


The two girls have been at it for quite a while already, the subject always centred around Harry.
This should be, The two girls had been at it for quite a while already...


Ron mocked, opening the door and stepping in the room,
This should be, stepping into the room


Ron turned red. He had in fact been listening to their conversation outside his sister's room's door. "Piss off, Ginny. Hermione is right, make up your mind! Do you want him back or not?" shouted Ron thinking there was no need to make life so complicated.
A point-of-view shift. If you remove...He had in fact been listening to their conversation outside his sister's room's door and thinking there was no need to make life so complicated...it'll be fine, though ^_^


Thanks again for letting me look this over, morgana. I cannot wait to read chapter four. Good luck!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing in such detail again. Yes, I always thought that Ginny would be more annoyed with Harry, even if she understood his reasons, than she turned out to be in canon.

Thanks so much for pointing out all the errors etc, some of them are clear typos others, well, you have gone into so much detail that I think what I will do is print your reviews (when I get a computer back - wouldn't dream of doing it in the office for everyone to see - lol) and go to the chapters and correct some stuff.

I never thought it was a problem to switch points of view as long as it's clear whose POV it is, however, it may very well be that you're right and that I shouldn't abuse this. I may start a thread and see if anyone know if there is a definite sort of rule.

I value your reviews very, very much because they are so detail that is like you're betaing it.

I need to print them out however and go through the story looking at all the points you mention.

I will answer your reccommendations more fully when I get the new computer.

Thanks so, so much! x


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Review #14, by Shellee 

16th April 2008:
Another chapter over, yay for me -claps-
I think it's fairly normal to forget a date like that when your mind is filled with all sorts of other important things. He's about to brave the world and go out there on his own, getting ready to fight Voldemort and get rid of the Horcruxes. Hmm. Ron or Hermione surely wouldn't have let him forget in the end. I don't remember if Fleur came along to get him from the Dursleys, I think she did, oh boy it's about time I read the books again. Anyways, I'm glad they got out alright, didn't know it was in France though.
I'm very glad that Molly didn't treat Harry any different. Sad though, that they're all wanting to help so much, but they can't really do anything. I think the people that would know most about the horcruxes are mostly dead, or on the Dark side. Which makes Harry, Hermione and Ron the only ones that know most about it and where to possibly find them. I have faith in them and after all they have been through in the years together, I think their families should have a little more faith too. I get that they're worried and scared they're going to lose them, but the war hasn't started yet, Voldemort is still preparing and he wouldn't just go for Harry unprepared and such, he'd want Harry at his best so he can boast more about beating him. They well know how to be safe.
I think Ginny is being a bit unreasonably. It's a bit obvious why he broke up with her -at least to me it is- and I think the others get that too. He just wants her to be safe, but then again, her being a bit distant like this could help him get her off his mind. I'm scared what she's about to do though. Very bad vibe about it, but reading some comments on the EHPF board, I have a fair idea. I feel bad for both of them.
Can't wait to read the next one!

Author's Response: Ah, first of all, up to and including chapter 14 were written before DH but I have decided to leave the plot and the details I had planned as I have imagined them at first. Yes, Fleur is there in canon too but the wedding wasn't in France in DH. This whole story is completely AU from the very end of HBP (canon up to that point).

Molly really feels very motherly towards Harry and she finds it hard to be angry with him but she does get very enraged nonetheless on occasions. The Horcruxes, well, one more person will find out but Harry is still keeping his word to Dumbledore. I know that we have faith in them but I guess if these 3 were my kids and they were involved in this I would be having kittens!

Ginny, of course she is being unreasonable. She is upset and pretty furious. Ginny may end up being useful to them in a special way. I'm very curious to find out what you're scared that she'll do. They have extreme chemistry between them so they may not end up apart for ever... although there will be fireworks, that's for sure.

Thanks so much again.


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Review #15, by Ginerva_Potter 

4th April 2008:
Another good chapter. I like how this story is continuing to move. Each chapter shows several scene changes. It's good to get a look at what all the characters are doing. I noticed we haven't seen Draco in awhile. I wonder how he's doing.

Ok, onto the critique!

Characterization:
- Pretty good all around. I'm not going to make comments on each character this time around.
- Ginny -- awesome. She would get that fiery and upset. I have a feeling there's still a lot of passion there that she's masking with anger right now.
- Lupin -- I'm not as convinced. I think he would be more compassionate. However, I don't necessarily think you are writing him wrong, I think it is more likely you are just having a harder time conveying what you have intended. Again, the dialogue between Molly, Harry, and Remus could have some more description of emotion. If you did this, I think you could show Remus as compassionate.

Writing:
- There is a line at the beginning that is Petunia's thoughts. I've noticed that you normally italicize thoughts, so I wanted to point it out. Here it is: "The Andersons were early, unfashionably so! Dinner wasn't quite ready yet!"

Plot:
- I like that you included both the portrait and the Mirror of Erised
as ideas Harry had to contact Dumbledore. I also like that both were shot down. These were both popular theories about how Harry and Dumbledore would interact. I'm glad that you verbalized them, but that you have obviously come up with another plan for how Harry will get his information.


Again, I enjoyed the chapter. You are doing a really good job and the story is very interesting!

Author's Response: Thanks so much again. Yes, I tend to split chaptrers into various scenes and points of view most of the time. I can actually only think of one chapter much later one which is completely centred in an Hermione/Petunia conversation, but the conversation is pretty important there and the chapter gets long, so I couldn't really have something else as well.

Draco, well, as you have already discovered, he re-appears in the next chapter.

Yes, again, I think the whole beginning of this story has this flow re lack of description in dialogue, so hopefully it improves a bit later, but I may come to re-write these first chapters a bit.

Now, some people put thoughts in italics and others don't. I didn't to begin with and then someone suggested I do and I'm still unclear in this regard. I may start a thread to see if I can figure out what is considered better.

Ginny, yes, she still have feelings for him. Very much so, she is just a little furious. I could have hit Harry hard in the head when he left her in DH. Arg! I identify quite a bit with her actually.

Lupin, yes I didn't mean for him to come across too harsh. However, he is worried that Harry is dwelling too much like when Dumbledore told him not to consume his life in front of the mirror no matter how sad he was about his parents.

Yes, I thought that Harry will try and finds ways to communicate with Dumbledore. Well, it will happen in chapter 10 but in a different way...

Thanks so much for the helpful advice. You're a star!


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Review #16, by punk poet 

1st April 2008:
another good chaptr, like fluer and i also like ginny reaction to harry coming

Author's Response: Thanks so much again. I thought Fleur would add a comical element to this. Ginny, well, I expected her to be a bit more angry with Harry in canon. She understands his reasons but he annoys her by trying to protect her so much. She wants to be with him and she is pretty brave, so she sees herself as someone capable of taking care of herself.

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Review #17, by juls 

23rd March 2008:
Wow, Morgana... another brill chapter.

I loved how the Order arrived to 'rescue' Harry. (I count anytime Harry is taken from that place as a 'rescue'. I'd have gone mad there myself) I also appreciated the way you described the way the male Dursleys reacted to Fleur. She is so attractive.

I feel for both Ginny and Harry. He's trying to be noble, but all he's really doing is hurting the both of them. If only he would realize that being together would be better for them both. She's going to hurt for him no matter if they are together or not- being together would make the pain so much less.

Harry needs Ginny...

Remus is right, Harry needs to decide if he should tell them on his own. At this point, his promise to DD should be ended. He will need help. Eh meh.

Ginny's little naughty smile made me grin... Go for it girl!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for all your reviews. Now, this is getting annoying because I've just responded to this! not again! no matter though.

Yes, the Dursleys and Fleur! well, I like her too, hence Molly makes up with her after confessing she did not like her at first.

Harry and Ginny, well, ok, I'm teasing, you will get to wonder why my story is rated "mature"...


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Review #18, by Gords7015 

17th March 2008:
This was quite a good chapter. I hope that they get back together (that was the one thing that bugged me in DH, that there wasn't enough Ginny).

Good work!

Author's Response: I agree. I wanted Ginny back as a main character! I just have to make her one. The main storyline concerns these two and, ok, I'm not going to spoil it but there will be many interesting developments with them but they will happen sort of slowly at first, then event will just take real pace but mainly towards the end though.

I'm glad you like it and thanks so much for the reviews!


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Review #19, by AnnaKay 

14th March 2008:
I like this chapter. I have this feeling that Fluer was brought in to keep Vernon in line slightly. I think it would be a really good idea too. I think Harry is right to keep his secret to Dumbledore, even though it is going to cause him some more work. You can tell that Molly is doing everything in her power to keep Harry safe. Including cursing Dumbledore, as is a little bit strange in character.

Good logic, even if it is flawed from Harry's side. Thank goodness that Lupin was there to explain it.

I really hope you like my reviews, I tend to get carried away and try to share some of my thoughts as I am reading the chapter. Thanks for another great chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks again. Yes, I thought Vernon's reaction to Fleur would bring a little comedy into this.

Harry, well, I see him as someone who would not break a promise no matter what. Molly yes, she seems a bit out of character, but I wanted her to show that she thinks Dumbledore put too much in the hands of someone who she still sees as a child, of course, she regrets saying that about him.

Of course I like your reviews, they are very encouraging and helpful. Thanks so much!


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Review #20, by hogwarts_witch 

5th March 2008:
Another great chapter! But I do want to point out to you that you tend to forget to add periods after the word Mr. and Mrs. I noticed that more than a few times.

I also found one sentence that I thought should be worded differently:
"Whatever is that you both were attempting"
I personally thought it would've sounded better if it went something more along the lines of 'whatever it was that you both were attempting', or something along those lines.

Other than that, there were really no other mistakes that I found.

But I did want to tell you that I really liked the part about the Weasley clock and how they were all pointing to mortal peril. I don't know why, but, I just really liked how you added that part in there.

Author's Response: Ah, I think I know the answer to the periods after Mr or Mrs. In England it is accepted to use either open punctuation (without them) or close (with them in). Now, for instance the English version of the HP series is written with open punctuation. However, I got so many comments on this that before I realised it was correct either way, I started editing and adding them in (obviously missing a few in the process). Now, you have to go for one style or the other and it seems that this story, at present, has a mixture, which is not correct.

I think your sentence is a bit clearer than mine actually, so well spotted.

The clock, yes, I always found it very amusing.

Thanks so much again. The next chapter is about Draco again and should be funny.


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Review #21, by Mrs_Sirius_Black_4eva 

5th March 2008:
Brilliant chapter again! I love how you made Fleur come with to pick Harry and up and I thought Vernon was funny. I also like a bit of the Harry/Ginny heat going on. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this chapter. I love the Dursleys because they are such figures of fun at times. There is going to be quite a bit of Harry/Ginny fiery interaction throughout the story too. Thanks so much for your review.

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Review #22, by Aurora Dawn 

13th February 2008:
Hi Morgana,

I wrote a review for you first thing this morning and apparently it didn't go through. I guess that's what happened to you with mine. How annoying -- now I'll have to remember everything I said.

Coming of age is an important theme in this chapter. Molly and Lupin keep reminding Harry that he's 'young', but they seem to forget the adult issues he's been having to handle all his life. Even Harry has moments when he seems to doubt himself. He has very adult thoughts about Ginny, but then begins to dismiss them, wondering 'What are you doing thinking about kids?"

On one hand, Harry is tired of being treated like a kid but on the other, he doesn't seem completely confident in his status as a grown up. It kind of reminds me of Kerri in my novel. She's out on her own for the first time and starting to realize that there isn't some grand epiphany where you wake up one day and just know everything and you're completely in control of your life. Harry needs to become more confident in himself before the people around him fully begin to accept him as an adult.

I've also noticed that Harry is doing the same thing to Ginny that Molly is doing to him. "He doesn't see me as an equal." Ginny complains. Neither does Molly see Harry as an equal.

Some things I caught :

A few typos, but nothing really serious.

The way Lupin is introduced seems very abrupt. Is he visiting? Is he staying there? He just appears out of the blue without an explanation.

There's a an issue with the point of view doing sudden, random shifts. They're very brief, but kind of awkward. For Example, "Lupin felt a bit sad to have burst the bubble." Up until then, the entire thing is from Harry's point of view. Then you have this short look into what Lupin is thinking before it goes back to Harry again. The part with Lupin doesn't quite seem to fit.

Hope I'm not being too critical -- if I am, let me know.

Author's Response: No, you're not being too critical at all! I love to see what people genuinly think.

As to Harry's maturity or otherwise, well, I think maybe subconsciously I got it right because you picked on pretty relevant stuff. Harry will have to mature very quickly in this story, and not just because of the war, but yes, he sees himself as a grown up, is still patronising towards Ginny and also realises that he is stil technically a school-boy. Part of the agnst of being 17 but in his case it's like for us in the UK being 18, I mean you are legally an adult for all purposes. Also the patronisation comes from love, he loves Ginny and doesn't want her hurt, hence he acts like a decision-maker patriarch, Molly and Remus, in turn do the same to him, for the very same reason. I believe it's often the case too that if you are an orphan at an early age, people mollycuddle (pardon the pun) you too much, trying to overcompensate for what you have missed. I actually imagine Molly being almost worst with Harry than with her own children. To her, he is this "kid" with no parents, no love. Harry is trying to find his own two feet but he is fairly strong, he is a Leo for goodness sake, a natural leader. I love your insight into this though. It's fairly profound, more so that what I had in mind when I wrote it! The thing is I can imagine myself being Harry or Ginny or Molly, then I make them speak like "for themselves". I'm very pleased that I seem to have put forward what I meant to convey. Yes, Harry is no longer a child nor yet a full grown adult, although this will change in the course of the story, because of things that would happen to him. In the scene you mention though, he is primarily having a sexual fantasy that gives rise to real-life scenarios, like having children, married life and so forth. Well, I can only say that he will get his wish sooner or later...

The typos, I'll try to comb this again. You know, I always miss something!

Now, the narrator, well, whenever I wrote before fanfic I always did so in the third person omminiscent, and I guess that's what I'm doing still, although Harry is very central and his emotions are normally the focus point. I may start a thread on this because I'm actually pretty confused. I'll let you know what people say.

I'm so pleased you're still reading this. I will get back to your beautiful story soon too!

Hugs x


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Review #23, by Renfair 

4th February 2008:
Hey again! This chapter had some really cute parts in it like, "She had just spotted that awful creature with the spiky short pink hair again. She was trying to get on with Harry these days, but this was just too much!" *giggling!* I heart Tonks so much! I also liked how even Uncle Vernon couldn't resist the lure of Fleur! (ooh, that rhymes!) I think one thing you might want to work on, and I say this because it's something that I do as well so I notice it with out people, is add a bit more description to the scene. For instance, you have this *really* long conversation between Harry and Mrs. Weasley without any description to break it up. You might want to insert a bit there, like describing their body posture or the sounds of the other kids outside or something. A lot of readers might start to get bored with that much non-stop dialogue and skim ahead, as horrid as that sounds. Just something for you to think about in the future ;D

I'm really liking this so far! It's cool to read an AU of Book 7. I hope you do more with Snape soon ;D *swoon!*

Author's Response: Hiya babe again,

Ok, starting from the end, this may be the most AU 7 year story anyone can come across. Not being big headed, it may be a bad thing. Now I wrote up to chapter 14 inc, drafted the end and bits in the midde before the publication of DH. Now, I had a couple of glasses of wine with some friends (who didn't know about my little obsession then) and I took the plunge to start this. Being a lawyer in real life, the idea of "sanctuary" just came to my head. Medieval English Law entangled in this. I wanted a mega strong first scene and I think the topic achieves it, even if not the writing necessarily. Then the whole religious thing got on from there, although, I must say that from book 1 I saw similarilties with what Lily did and Christianity and Paganism (which is what I know best) and I thought I just knew what Jo was on about (well, harm no one, the power or love, Jesus' sacrifice and so forth), so that's when I thought, ok, this is mature, so we have Muggle religion.

On a lighter note, I love Tonks as well. Ok, she will be fairly depressed, for a reason, later in the story and Hermione will offer to tint her hair pink the Muggle way, because,as it canon, she will not be able to change colours herself, being so down. She will still have Teddy in my story, I pinched this from canon because when I asked my readers wanted him!

Yes, the scene at the Dursleys was meant to be funny and I'm very impressed that I seem to have achieve this.

Honestly, your review means a lot to me since I know how very busy you are.

Hugs xxx (and regards to Jess too)


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Review #24, by A Licorice Wand 

26th January 2008:
The beginning of this chapter was a little confusing. I don’t feel the first sentence hooked the readers as well as it could of done, and perhaps you should just straight away say he had forgotten the date. I think apart from that this paragraph was the best so far and I can see progression in your writing, which is fantastic.

You asked me to especially comment on characterisation and I feel in this chapter your Harry became more OOC than he has previously and it was some very subtle signs that gave this away. For example the line ‘he really didn’t have a chance’ I don’t think he would ever let himself take this road. He knew that it was going to be difficult but he would never consider himself doomed. He was far to self-righteous for this! On a side note if he through he was as doomed you mention he would never have let Ron and Hermione go with him. Also, in his conversation with Mrs Weasley he calls he Molly the whole way through, I believe even in the last book- correct me if I’m wrong I haven’t got it to hand to check- but called her Mrs Weasley the whole way through.

Apart from this your characterisations were strong. I liked your Molly she seemed just right and I especially liked the way she mentioned that Harry and Ginny would change nothing in her eyes, it was a nice touch. Whilst Tonks, Kingsley, Fleur and Arthur only appeared briefly there was nothing that struck me as out of character about any of them. Remus is a difficult one for me to judge because my opinion of Remus changed a lot during DH. Prior to DH I would have said this Remus was OOC but I think it actually was well written, which is nice if this chapter was written before the book. I think this was the point in Harry’s life where he decided to stand up and say ‘No.’ I love how you mention that all the people that have died have been of age and therefore it is nothing to do with that, it is Harry’s belief that he can do it on his own that everyone can’t understand. I believe this is a very poignant point and one that became essential really to the search.

Ginny was strong, fiery, in love and yet clearly a woman scorned. I think you wrote her just write actually and I was especially glad that you gave her a conversation with Hermione as I don’t think this friendship was explored enough during the books. I suppose people forget that whilst she was Harry’s girlfriend and Ron’s sister, she was also Hermione’s closest friend too.

A few grammar issues to finish:
‘But, and there was always a but’ I have teachers in my head here barking at me for beginning sentences with but, and etc. I think is perhaps that the sentence doesn’t stand that well on its own, I’m not sure.
‘They better bloody don’t’ Does this make sense? I think ‘They better bloody not’ sounds better
‘The Andersons are early. Unfashionably so’ Don’t have this as two sentences it breaks up the paragraph too much. Also you give Aunt Petunia and opinion here when we were in Harry’s and I feel this breaks up the flow
‘I well know that’ I don’t think this sentence quite makes sense
‘Ginny thought naughtily’ I haven’t read on so I don’t know what she has planned but unless it is to seduce him then naughtily might be the wrong word here.

As I have mentioned I felt this chapter was the strongest yet. It flowed more freely and whilst perhaps the story didn’t progress in terms of the plot as it has done it covered necessary ground and in an effective way. Your writing style developing strongly as well, which is makes this story more pleasurable to read as it continues. I will do the other chapters if you want- putting yourself back in the thread just means there are given a place on the list and I don’t forget! I hope I have helped you!

Author's Response: I'm very pleased you like the story so far, especially because I know you are very honest and also that you analyse things really well.

Harry, yes, well I have never seen him as an optimist but I didn't mean to convey that he is certain he will die but I think he does fear that may turn out to be the outcome. Of course, he doesn't want to endanger his best friends but the job has to be done, "for the greater good" really. Now, yes I wrote this before DH so maybe I guessed a bit how JKR was going to portray Remus. I never thought about it too consciously though.

Again, I will consider in more detail all your suggestions when I have a bit more time and will be in touch.

Thanks so much!


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Review #25, by shadowkitty22 

12th January 2008:
Hello again, it's good to see the other characters now and that the entrance of the magic folk into the Dursley's wasn't as disastrous as the previous times. I did want to point out though that you had the twins arriving with Arthur and Fleur to pick up Harry but then you had them coming to greet him at the Burrow as if they hadn't just been there with Harry all of five minutes ago. It just seemed rather odd. And what's little Miss Ginny got up her sleeve with that naughty smile of hers? I guess I shall just have to continue reading to find out.

Emilie
=^_^=

Author's Response: Very well spotted and thanks again. I reckon the only way I can write is with a physical map (a bit like the Marauders one lol) on a piece of paper detailing were people are! Yes, the twins should not have greeted Harry like if they had not seen him for ages. I'll have to go and mend that, tonight if I can! It also amazes me that no-one has noticed this yet!

Little Miss Ginny (I love that you call her that!), well, she is still interested, of course but she is angry as well. I mean, he has been a bit of a moron, although for the best possible Gryffindor reasons, as always!

Thanks so much for your reviews! x


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