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24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Blissbug 

11th January 2008:
I've always wondered about the boys when they were young, not just teens, and the way you put them together, the chemestry you've created between them and Lily, its truly creative and entertaining.

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Review #2, by AndrinaBlack 

8th October 2007:
A great chapter again! I like the way you get so deeply into Sirius' emotions and show his different feelings and confusions. I also like the way you write Lily and Remus, as I have said before. The Lily/Sirius here starts too look a lot like in Reckless, but that's an of course as they seem to have some things that kind of bind them together. I guess Reckless is not exactly a sequel to this, but as far as I have read it could be. :) First when Remus appeared I thought that I didn't quite like the way he was, but some time during this chapter I realised that he was of course seen that way through Sirius' eyes. I liked especially the way that Remus started slowly to get some more flesh during this chapter as Sirius begins to know him better.

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Review #3, by susuwatari_sumi 

18th December 2006:
I'm assuming the greasy kid is supposed to be Snape, but I wouldn't think that he would be one to purposely name call or whatever it is you said... my impression was that he would be more of an introvert as a child. And I thought he and James were supposed to have "loathed eachother as soon as they set eyes upon one another"?

Author's Response: Thank you!!

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Review #4, by Noblevyne 

9th January 2006:
The descriptions of Remus were great, you get a real sense of who is and how Sirius and James react to him from just a couple of paragraphs.

Again I have to tell you that you write James very well, he's sort of a bit dotty, very arrogant, rude, crude and at times: understanding, wise and contemplative. You're building their friendship very skillfully, I can see why James feels a sense of comfort with Sirius and why Sirius trusts him, there's an energy there.

It's a neat little character quirk that Sirius only knows how to treat girls one way: as aliens.

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #5, by Cor_Leonis 

2nd December 2005:
I didn't mind the pacing of this chapter at all, and understand the necessity of having to move things along. I like your James and Lily a lot. Remus, well, I don't like Hermione much as a character, and the way you wrote him reminded me a bit of her, what with going into the restricted section and spending all of his time in the library and being devoid of humor. The fact that he can be lured into a conspiracy redeems him, though. As I read this, I sometimes forget they are only eleven--still so very mature and knowledgeable, especially compared to the present trio in their first year. That isn't to say they're not believable--it's just that they so far advanced in their years. I'm curious to see what happens next. Your writing style is great.

Author's Response: Oh, very good catch about Remus. That was intentional...I tend to think of Remus very much like Hermione who, before joining Harry and Ron, was rather obsessed with her studying. I tend to put Remus in the same role and do intend to let the marauders have a rather frivilous impact on his character. He, like the rest, will grow tremendously. He, in fact, is the quickest to change (as in the next school semester has a shows a very big shift in his personality). And, yes, you don't have to be nice...they aren't truly believable and I hate this about this story. I embarked with the intent of showing him as a child and just couldn't accomplish that. Fear, annoyance and sobbing tears have pretty muched forced me into the current status of this fic where the characters all do act more like adults. And for that, not just to you but everyone, I do apologize. I've considered dropping this fic and not continuing for that very reason many many times. I just keep hoping I can pull a hat trick and get this story back in the line that it should be.

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Review #6, by Hiduras 

8th November 2005:
I don't mind the jump at all, we know a lot about how Hogwarts is and well, even though these are different people it is kind of the same... I love to read your thoughts of Sirius' home life and am looking forward to the next chapter... I didn't find any little mistakes in this one, maybe I am loosing my touch or maybee you are just that good?! I like your James, he seems like a cross between the Weasley Twins and Ron... I like that, I pictured him smarter though, but they are only in their first year! Well that was it for this chapter I think... I'll take the next one tonight!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #7, by Nina_wife_of _Fres 

19th October 2005:
They really are grown up for 11. I like Lily though, you write her the way I imagine her (rather Hermoneish-not an exact replicar.. just the same sort of person) I'm really glad I found time to read this story again it is brilliant =D at the moment I'm wondering what this adventure is going to be ..... so I'm off to read the next chapter

Author's Response: Thank you!!

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Review #8, by kz 

19th October 2005:
It did move to quickly here and I really wanted to see more of him and James. But it was good anyway

Author's Response: Thanks

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Review #9, by Lucid 

19th October 2005:
Firstly, I apologise with my lateness of reviewing, I have been so busy lately it's just not funny anymore and I hate to let people down. Anyways I am here now :) I have to confess I have been really looking forward to the chapter you introduced Remus, so I had myself a little happy moment when I saw his name. I love the dialogue that flows back and forth between Sirius and James, I loved this line ”You’re one dark minded git, you know that”, the tin with the food was good imagery also, and I could really see that camaraderie starting there. Also the plotting starting, and that is good to see, especially as Sirius being the dubious one rather than the protagonist straight away. I loved what James did, the ‘Medusa look’ I found that very amusing. It's the sort of thing that I would expect James or Sirius to do for one another. The bit I most wanted to mention is the bit with Sirius, Remus, and Lily at the end of this chapter. It seemed a particularly spiteful thing for Sirius to do to Remus and Lily. Now I knew there must be a reason for it, you don’t put things like that in there unless there is a reason, particularly for the spite involved. It made me feel uncomfortable, and it took me a moment to realise that was the point (and reading on further helped) and that was, Sirius missed it, he rushed in didn’t consider what he was going to say until after he’d said it, how utterly him. Lily’s remark at the end about legilimency made me feel very sad for him, and I am sure that his going back to Grimmauld must have played on his mind. Again you’ve taken me through smiles and uncomfortableness, and it's a sign of your power as a writer that you make me feel and see all these things together, as well as pull me along with the rest of the story.

Author's Response: Thank you!!

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Review #10, by robyn 

18th October 2005:
this was quick. I'd like to see you write at least two chapters about a semester to help balance it with the Cat chapers. Nice to see James in there too. ;)

Author's Response: Thanks, Robyn

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Review #11, by Lizzy 

15th October 2005:
I really liked this chapter, building the James and Sirius relationship, as well as the Lily and Sirius relationship. I did think it moved rather fast. I realize that you are trying to tell a story with a timeline that possibly spans years. But it took six chapters to get Sirius to Hogwarts, and one chapter to get him through his first semester. This chapter has some strong themes about what others think of the Black family, and how they expect Sirius to act. And though you made a strong point it felt as though, through out the majority of the chapter you were telling me what people thought about him instead of showing me with examples what they thought about him. It really wasn’t until the end with Lily that the reader got an example of what Sirius went thorough his first semester. Until that point it had been Sirius telling us that other student’s whispered, or shot him snide remarks. I also think it would be really nice to see a contrast between Hogwarts life and home life for Sirius. It seemed to lack small details about the School that Sirius and the gang might have found amusing, (i.e. Quidditch, Halloween feast, the step that you have to skip on the stairs or you fall through.) Don’t get me wrong I loved this chapter, and as you are a wonderful author I’m sure that this chapter is a highly planned stepping block for you plot. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: First, let me say this was such a fantastic review. It was so helpful and made me put a lot of things into perspective. I'm not going to edit this chapter because it scares the crap out of me to even think about going backwards in this fic but I really want to try and incorporate some of the things you mentioned in semester two. I honestly span this time because I can't write him at school very well. But your review has given me the courage to at least try it. It may turn out like crap but I'm going to give it a shot and hope for the best. Thanks for giving me the courage to do that.

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Review #12, by Rebekka 

15th October 2005:
I've been looking for the exact word that would describe your writing. I've found it: melancholy. You have that subtle melancholy in every sentence and it starts from the very first word you type down. It's so very beautiful and so very sad way of writing and it tells me quite a lot of what you're trying to say here.

I found a few typos, but I'm PMing them to you so they don't take too much room here. Very small mistakes indeed. You're amazingly flawless writer.

My favourite part was this (as was James' little trick); “I know what you meant,” he snapped. “And I’m sick and tired of people treating me like some damn freakish token. Half the Gryffindors think I’m a low down sneak and the Slytherins think I’m a traitor. To hell with all of ‘em.” It was so heart-wrenching. He's in such a tough spot, only trying to survive and be a normal kid.

And that was beautiful how you made him realise that Remus had been just conversational. I adored that scene. Very touching. I think this is a great story and I'm very very happy that you're not giving it up even though it's difficult. It's going to be great and people will love it (even more than they do already)! Brilliant work, Linda.

Author's Response: Thanks for the corrections, I do appreciate them. You know, oddly enough, several people tried to get me to take that part with James out, thinking it didn't fit. I was stubborn, though, and was determined that even if no one understood what I was doing I needed that statement there. I'm so glad you did understand it and took the time to point it out. Thanks also for pointing out the part with Remus-I have a terrible time with him and, honestly, the only way I figured out how to incorporate him was to have Sirius be me...have him be uncomfortable and not really understanding of Remus. That seems to have worked and I'm so glad it did. Thank you for all the encouragement and support and the kind words and reviews and I could go on forever. Just know that you are truly appreciate.

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Review #13, by Drommen 

7th October 2005:
Hey! I'm back! I must admit that this chapter divided a bit my opinion. On one hand... I was expectng some more time of Marauder's mischief (can't spell that right...). One the other hand... I'm dieing to know more about your Cat. She has a very interesting personality and I do hope she shows up in the next chapter. Generally, the positive opinion overcame the other, because it was still a smooth transition though time. And you updated today! Whoho! *continues to read*

Author's Response: You know, I tried really hard to get them into mischief. I tried scene after scene and none of them worked right or flowed with the story...I think I may just have an inability to write humor scenes. Trust me, they were horrible. :( Thanks for the honesty (I completely agree with your comments) and I'm glad to see you looking forward to learning more about Cat.

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Review #14, by 62442almystery 

7th October 2005:
I really liked this chapter. You did well writing one semester in a chapter, most of the time it doesn't work, but you made it work. Good job with that. My favorite part was the part where Sirius told Lily what she was thinking.

Author's Response: Thank you. I tried to make it not seem too rushed. I liked that part too...he seemed like such an arrogant git. :D

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Review #15, by JaxGranger 

6th October 2005:
Well, its perfectly obvious that you can't stop now, my dear. This is a brilliant story with a brilliant plotline.... I can't wait to see what you cook up next. I'm not allowing giving up. This chapter is especially brilliant because you see the way the friendships were forged between Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter. AND you also see the way every last one of the mauraders is falling in love with Lily... she's just a popular lady :) I'm really sad that you think you've done something wrong, and as a result, lost readers. I don't think that's the case at all...readers are fickle, and by one reason or another have drifted away. I have no idea how to get them back, but good advertising on the forum will help you win new readers. I'm adding this story to my favorites and will keep tabs on it -- update soon :) inspiring work, timeturner!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #16, by Harrypottergirl4eva 

5th October 2005:
you write very well, your Sirius stories always include him being very mature and philosophical which is different because everyone else seems to persue him in an immatrue and fun way. It's refershing! It's more relaistic given his background aswel! It's going to be added to my favourites so I'll keep an eye for the next update! cheers! x x

Author's Response: Thank you very very much. I do tend to write him different than other people and I'm glad you find it realistic rather than annoying! I'm so happy to have you along and I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

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Review #17, by dreamdweller 

28th September 2005:
Great chapter. It seemed a little fast, but other than that it was written really well. I liked the conversation with Sirius, Lily, and Remus. It was really sweet when Remus got all nervous and uncomfortable and left, it was cute. Anywho, nice chapter and I can't wait for the next update!

Author's Response: I was afraid of that...I just cannot write them at school...it turns out terrible. :( I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks so much for leaving me such nice comments!

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Review #18, by laughable_black_storm 

28th September 2005:
I loved this chapter. There is so much description, it is amazing. I really like how you put so much detail into Sirius' emotions. However, I did find it a bit fast... you went directly to the winter break... but, I have no idea how long you plan to make this and where you are taking it, so if you want you can ignore that last comment. A beautiful chapter, please keep it up.

Author's Response: I would never ignore a comment from a reviewer...never. It was a fast transition and I'll admit that its because I'm terrible at writing Sirius at school. I chose not to make readers suffer through any more of that than they had too. I know it may be a bit hard to follow (I tried really hard to make it not be) but trust me, you would definetly be cursing me if I attempting to write five chapters of little Sirius attending his classes. Thanks so much for the wonderful review! I really do appreciate it!

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Review #19, by angelinaballerina 

27th September 2005:
chapter 7...finally!! took a while but was very enjoyable=)

Author's Response: I know and I'm so sorry about that. I am struggling a bit with this story so I appreciate you being so patient and sticking with me. Thank you so much!

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Review #20, by Violet Gryfindor 

27th September 2005:
You think you're bad at writing Sirius at school? Really? Are you sure of that? Cause I don't believe that one bit. This chapter is fantastic. It's far less dark than the previous chapters, which makes it stand out from them in a positive way. It's nice to see that maybe things aren't too horrible in the world of Sirius Black. You've written the future Marauders and Lily with much love - I love how you portray them. The dialogue is absolutely perfect, very flowing and natural. This part especially was good: “You are so arrogant. It’s a wonder no one’s kicked your ass yet,” Lily huffed. “Give me time,” Remus grinned. . It was just hilarious, and perfectly scripted. Wonderful chapter, timeturner. You never cease to cause me wonder at your writing. ;-)

Author's Response: Oh, violet, you are always just too sweet. This chapter had issues, I know it did and you are so kind not to point them out. I feel so uncomfortable writing any of them at school...it just all feels so contrived. You know, that was one of my very favorite lines of the whole chapter too? It just seemed so light hearted but showed how they are learning to deal with each other. Thank you!

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Review #21, by ConradK 

26th September 2005:
First off let me tell you that I was late to school this morning because I had to read this newest chapter, but I had to wait until I got home to leave a review! It was well worth it though because this was an amazingly written chapter. I was a little leary on the thought of you skipping over such a broad space of time but you really managed to pull it off with flying colours! I loved so much of the characterization in this chapter but my favorite was the interacting between James and Sirius. It was perfect. You aren't having them become instantly best friends, but already they have a bond. It's amazing! So, once again, great job and happy writting for the next chapter! ~Kerri

Author's Response: Me too! I was so worried about this chapter. I'm glad it worked out and wasn't too horribly rushed. Thanks for commenting on J/S. Very few people have mentioned it and I'm glad to hear that they came off exactly the way I wanted. As always, thank you so much!

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Review #22, by summer_rain 

26th September 2005:
I really liked this chapter. None of them act older than they should- for example, when Sirius, Remus, and Lily are talking, they really do act like eleven year olds. I have to admit, I liked the last half the best, it was a very good scene. And the skipping time was one of the best I've read, it just fit together nicely. The part where Sirius knows people will be second guessing his motives was a great line. I'm half afraid to read about what poor Sirius will have to go through at home, I'm sure it isn't going to be good. Excellent job, as always!

Author's Response: Thanks, summer. I was terrified about putting an entire semester into one chapter so i'm glad to hear it turned out okay. And, I'm not sure, Sirius may be in for a little fun during the holiday break. ;)

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Review #23, by limaree 

26th September 2005:
you write Sirius so well its a little scary...I like the fact that you are intertwining it with the plot of Reckless...you are starting to write about the beginning of his complicated relationship with Lily and the reason of his loyalty to James...i wonder if you are aware that you incorporate the psychology of your characters into your story...it would be a great story if you combined both these stories and fleshed it out a bit b/c you have enough of a backstory and feel for how these characters are going to inter-relate to expand into a novel length fiction. Sorry this is so long, but I really want to encourage you...this (and reckless) is the best portrayal of Sirius I have ever read. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. You don't realize how much I need those kind words and encouragement after posting this chapter. I appreciate it more than you could ever imagine...this story has been so difficult to continue with as I'm never sure if its coming out the way I want it to. Thank you very very much for sharing your thoughts with me.

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Review #24, by jynx67 

26th September 2005:
You know, this actually works. I was afraid, from the way you were talking, that you had completely butchered this chapter. You really made Sirius disagreeable here. Poor Remus and Lily. They both caught his ire. I guess he just doesn't want to go home. On tiny little detail you missed: She wouldn’t deny it…he knew she wouldn’t it. Other than that, I think it works.

Author's Response: Thanks, jynx. I'm still terrified-even after its posted. Thanks for pointing that out, I've corrected it. Sirius was a bit nasty to each of them and it does have something to do with going home- it also has a bit to do with Sirius not liking anyone making fun of him but I don't think I managed to make that very clear.

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