Reading Reviews for Extempore, Chapter 1: One
64 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Billion 

19th February 2012:
This story has been on my favorites list for ages, ever since I read the first chapter and fell in love with your writing. For some reason or other I never got to continuing it, maybe because of the 2nd person narration? But I'm going through with it now, so to start off, I'll repeat what I just said: love your writing. The way you carry out 2nd person perspective is brilliant. The best way to describe it, I think, is shades of grey (and there are surprisingly many of them). You hit all the subtleties and emotional beats beautifully. I look forward to seeing how the story unravels. :)

Author's Response: I don't check my review thread as often as I should (apparently not at all since February 19th) but I just wanted to say thanks a lot for the review. Not having written in some time, I don't get a lot of them, so I appreciate each one all the more. :)

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Review #2, by Beaming Brilliant 

14th November 2010:
It's really good so far. I honestly never know what to read, and I've looked in the Dobby's about a hundred times for a good one, but my eye must have passed by this one everytime. And now I've found it. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thank you! It's been so long since I've updated anything that I haven't had any reviews in ages - its always nice to come back to something and find that you have one - let alone such a nice one!

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Review #3, by test 

5th July 2009:
test - i am testing the apostrophe problem.



Author's Response: testing response

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Review #4, by katrina. 

13th May 2009:
it was pretty good. its just that instead of saying 'you' you shouldve said 'i' or 'remus'. it got pretty annoying. -_-

Author's Response: Perspective is a tricky issue. I loathe first person writing. I don't know if the problem lies with the kinds of stories written in the first person (see Asher Lev or Twilght) or if it's just the nature of the perspective but it makes my head want to explode and third... I like third, but it forces more of your story to be narrative and it makes a lot of the introspection I tend to write more difficult. Plus, I can never do anything easy or straight forward :P

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Review #5, by death is our fate 

5th January 2009:
Wow great chapter! I love how its in second person, it really sucks you in to the character of Remus! better get reading!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #6, by flamingolover 

14th April 2008:
love this!! Got to keep reading. Some of this is hilarious!!

Author's Response: I only hope it's hilarious in a good way ;)

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Review #7, by JLHufflepuff 

27th December 2007:
This is extremely well written and interesting. I'm favoriting!

Author's Response: Thanks hon!

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Review #8, by beating_faster 

4th October 2007:
I decided I liked your writing after the first few paragraphs, but I had to stop to ask a very important question: Is it going to be second person throughout the entire story? I know I'm going to end up trying to get through it, but every time I read the word 'you', the sentence falls, and I feel it bounce back at me.

I haven't looked at the other chapters yet, so I don't know if you've changed it, but it'd be a much easier read if it wasn't second person. I'm sorry if you find this offensive in any way at all, because I don't mean to be...I just wanted to start reading this story after I heard all the good reviews and stuff, but it's hard with this POV.

Author's Response: Both Extempore and Chronicles are told exclusively in the second person perspective. I think, or I hope, rather, that you'll find, like a lot of other people do, that after the first couple of chapters, you don't even notice it anymore :) It's hard for almost everyone to get used to in the beginning but once they give it a chapter or two they completely forget about it.

To be honest, while I promise I don't find the opinion offensive at all, I'm going to challenge you to give reading it a try, because I think you'll find that the perspective lends it something that no other perspective would have been able to do :)

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Review #9, by onceuponatime2 

3rd October 2007:
Ah! I hate 2nd person!!! I read 4 paragraphs and already it is giving me a headache. So, sorry, I was planning on reading this for the story club thing, but I just cannot take 2nd person. Although, it's usually bc it is poorly written, I don't think that's the case this time, judging by all of the good reviews you had...
Anyway, good luck with the story club thing.

Author's Response: Thanks for the well wishes. I do appreciate it, but I wish you would have been more interested in giving it a try. Second person can be done very very very badly, but you'll find that you don't notice the perspective so much after a chapter or two :)

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Review #10, by thesnakecharmer 

20th September 2007:
i figured, after reading your author's note and description that i liked the story already
after the first chapter i am not disappointed. good work.

Author's Response: lol! I'm glad!

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Review #11, by soothingly 

25th August 2007:
haha I haven't even begun to read the story, but after the phenomenal author's note I just had to leave a review... you described all of the cliched and awful fics in about 2 sentances that I absolutely loath, as well as promising you will not use lyrics from unfortunately untalented yet popular bands, and seem like you won't (as so many authors do) neglect details from the actual books and add in illogical characterizations.
and now I'm off to actual read the thing!


Author's Response: lol, alas my authors note does not endear everyone as such :) thanks!

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Review #12, by purewings 

23rd August 2007:
Hello BitterEpiphany!

I wondered where your name came from. It's one of the few, I like. I have list of "how to create dull usernames" (including mine as well), something like your author's notes. :D

I laughed so much reading these notes that I actually forgot about the story. :D It was like somebody said aloud what I was thinking. You must have offended a great number of people, though. On the other hand, people need truthful mirrors, it's their choice whether they use them or not.
Was it really the validating queue that ruffled you so much that you wrote the notes? :) Anyway, congratulations! :D

About the story, finally:
All reviewers mentioned this second person narrative, I won't repeat them, I liked it too. I think it flowed better in the Chronicles, though. But maybe that's just a question of tastes.

I'm glad you started "sculpturing" Tonks a 3 dimensional (or even more) character, that is what I usually lack in J. K. Rowling's books. (Except for Snape, who in my view had overgrown the others in complexity and subtlety, even Harry and JKR was forced to "ram" him into a stupid situation and death that simply didn't match his character).
Your approach to her is unique and that's very good.

What is a bit, well awkward for me is her clumsiness. I know very well that this was given her by JKR and it fitted her fine, she was the archetype of the clown or fool (not mentally :D).
It was for the sake of bringing a little ray of sunshine and humour into the darkening story.

But this clumsiness is a bit strong for your story, I think.
Not because there are no people like that, it's because it doesn't derive from any of her inner strains.
It's rather difficult to explain without misleading.
Clumsiness is just one word for a very colourful phenomenon, it has dozens of faces.
There is the clumsiness of the uncertain, infirm people,
the intentional clumsiness of the starving for attention, but feel intimidated to take it openly,
the humorous clumsiness of the entertainers,
the unseeing clumsiness of the unearthly dreamers,
the impatient clumsiness of the ever rushing,
the blushing clumsiness of lovers,
the heavy-handed clumsiness of the simple, rough people,
the intricate clumsiness of manipulators, seekers of pity and gentleness
etc, etc.
Yet, your Tonks is fooling around with loads of chairs, and different objects in her room, which is really funny, but does not fit - in my view) your multi-dimensional Tonks.
It's a bit for the effect, I think. Please, don't feel offended! I'm really not trying to hurt, no way, really.
Maybe it's a bit early to criticize, after the first chap, I will read further, but it was a little remark I felt would be useful.

On the other hand I love your language, I learn a lot from you (I'm not a native speaker, you see). You have talent, I'm sure I'm not the first one to tell you that.
I'm very curious about your age, your style tells of some experience with people.

I liked Moody very much, you see, his covert clumsiness is exactly what I was talking about: he was perfectly written, you din't step over the line with him.

I cannot tel much about Lupin now, it's early to criticize him, yet.

I'm very glad I found you on this site (not that it was difficult, though, you're very popular :D).

Go on writing, wings

Author's Response: Hrm....Well, it would appear that my review is too long for this particular response box but, I also don't want to cut you short of the response you deserve so I'm going to do something naughty and take advantage of my staff status and PM you my response :)

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Review #13, by Dark Oblivion 

20th August 2007:
I agree completely with your authors note.
I only wish more people would have the same opinion when writing their stories.

Author's Response: lol :) Thanks

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Review #14, by Zacharias_Smith 

14th August 2007:
Ohh I really enjoyed this. It's so interesting to use the second person and normally I find it very forced and it puts me off reading the story. I don't think it sounded forced here; admittedly it was more difficult for me to read this than it would have been if it had been third person but I think that forced me to read it more carefully and I'm glad I did. It made me really appreciate your writing style and all the details in this chapter.
I loved your characterization of Lupin and there were some beautiful lines in this. I also liked how you described the Moody-Tonks relationship as that is always how I view it.
I will be reading more!

Author's Response: Thank you. I always appreciate it when someone takes the time to push past the second person perspective - I think it gives the genre hope for the future because it is occasionally used well by actual authors, not just goons like me :)

I hope you enjoy the rest!

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Review #15, by _alechia_ 

24th July 2007:
how on earth do you manage it? you pulled me in WITHOUT a summary into my least favorite style of fanfic (second person) of one of my least favorite ships, i was expecting it to be TERRIBLE. but it wasnt. it was FANTASTIC! it shouldnt be physically possible, but it is, and you've done it. very very well done indeed, and now if you will excuse me, i'm going to go read the rest of it. :D

Author's Response: lol!! well with all that having been said, I hope you not only read the rest of but that you enjoyed it as much. I do make it my personal mission to save the reputation of all three of those things, so i'm glad i'm doing some good!

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Review #16, by NONYOBIZ! 

21st July 2007:
About the intro..

Author's Response: tehehehe :)

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Review #17, by Kate 

13th June 2007:
This is very good writing, but the POV is strange. A mix between 1st and 2nd person. It reminds me a bit of those chose your own adventure things.

Author's Response: Thank you. The perspective actually never changes from second person. First person sort of gives me a migraine.

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Review #18, by pyrogirl 

22nd May 2007:
lolz,hey wots wrong with the 'bands' u mentiond? der not that bad, a bit depressin sometimes but not ALL that bad, they've swept through to british youth aswell so its not just americians
newyz lookin gud so far cnt wait 2 read da rest

Author's Response: .

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Review #19, by tonksloveswerewolves 

7th May 2007:
I love it! 10 points!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #20, by BoyCrazedGurl 

15th April 2007:
Jeez, y do u gotta diss those bands? they're cooler than u! so hush-up w/ ur rude comments and uncool stuffs.

Author's Response: I would hate to be uncool...

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Review #21, by AndrinaBlack 

13th April 2007:
I became curious to see what you write after seeing your name everywhere for some time. Now I know: You write author's notes! At one point I started to doubt there would be any story at all as the AN just went on... But I enjoyed it though and finally chuckling went on to read the actual story.

Didn't see more typos than: "which means I may of some typo's." But maybe that was intentional. :)

Well to the actual story.
It's very original to write in second person. First I was a bit confused and thought that it was from the point of view from Tonks' mother. And not being used to read in that perspective it took a little time to get into it, but in the end I felt it took me deeper into Remus' mind than another perspective would have done. (Or maybe not. Every perspective can be written well to show someone's feelings). You write it well anyhow and it's a nice change!

Your writing is nicely descriptive. I like it that you don't only describe the flowers and birds etc., but also the uglier things, like the pub. It makes it seem realistic.

What I enjoyed most is that the story made me chuckle nearly the whole time I was reading it. It's not jokes or something all the time, but there's the little funny things and the slightly dry humor that is so enjoyable (in my opinion).

Author's Response: tehehehe, i am always good for a well pointed diatribe when you need one :) Naturally, i'm also always happy to bring another convert to the perspective.

Thank you so much and I really am glad that you enjoyed it!

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Review #22, by RedSkyFire 

5th April 2007:
i just read this first chapter, and then read all the reviews left by people for this chapter.
and now i have a rather bad case of the giggles.
before I forget though, i would like to say that this story is AMAZING
i am going to push on through. I say that because i havent EVER read anything in second person, and so it was a shock when i started reading. it took a while to get my head around it... but i LIKED it!!
brilliant job
moving on... i PARTICULARLY enjoyed the authors note at the start. that was where the giggles started.
i must raise a hand in protest though *watches, and hand slowly rises* that the bands afore mentioned, while their lyrics are quite depressing, not all of them are and the MUSIC quality is actually very good.
so im done there lol
*giggles return*
you have an AWESOME sense of humor... much liking
there was a review that amused me that was by someone saying something (note: terrible memory) about people wearing black and being nice people etc?
anyhoo. I have to say that i think MOST people on this earth realise that you cant judge a person by what they wear and whatever.
correct me if im wrong?
so i think that person wasnt being very nice by treating you like what must be a tiny minority on this earth.
its a 10/10 from me, and i shall now continue on to the other remaning chapters

am still liking the sense of humor WEOT

Author's Response: :) Thanks, Jess. Hope you enjoyed the rest as much as the AN

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Review #23, by Roguette 

2nd April 2007:
I dislike Pink. Please change this damn site back to how it was!

Author's Response: .

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Review #24, by Kainami 

19th March 2007:
great story, I love how you keep the reader stuck in you story.

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #25, by ETT#4 

17th January 2007:
judge a book by the cover much! i mean really, i have friends that listen to that kind of music and wear black, and let me tell you, they're relly nice, not that you would know, you never took the time to know them and stop being all judgemental, because next Christmas the three ghosts that came to Scrooge will com to you. (see the Christmas carol playright. I was all three ghosts and all of them said, or acted, that being judgemental was bad, and that was even the moral of the story.)
not to mention that i'm very preppy and my fav color is pink, and i already have a cheer tryouts partner for next year, and even i'm not that judgemental. so ha ha. and please don't leave just a period, that's lame. at least leave a exclamation mark, please.
With all due respect,

Author's Response: .

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