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34 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ForeverMarauder 

4th February 2011:
Hey, great chapter... I especially liked the line "Slughorn has enough favourites to populate a small village". I found that to be quite clever.
I have two complaints: The first is that the students seem to act more like fourth or fifth years than first years. I can make my peace with the crushes (although they never seemed very prevalent at that age in Rowling's version of Hogwarts), but it seems odd that a character such as Emma would swear. Obviously my own prudish tendencies come into play here, but when I was eleven, I never swore, and it seems odd that someone as quiet and unassuming as Emma would swear loudly multiple times after hitting her foot. Again, I'm only 5 chapters in, so it's possible that I got too specific of an idea in my head of what Emma would be like too soon.
My second complaint has to do with the Divination teacher. First, it seems unlikely that Dumbledore would hire a professor who was possibly involved in the Dark Arts. I took a look at your summary, by the way, which makes my comment on your last chapter irrelevant, and explains why you wouldn't know that Dumbledore had a VERY GOOD reason for trusting Snape. But still, the situation seems different with this professor, as Dumbledore seems unconcerned when Grimm brings it up, as opposed to flatly denying his involvement in the dark arts. Secondly, and this is a small thing, like all of my complaints, It is explicitly stated in sixth book that Dumbledore never thought of Divination as an important subject, yet in this chapter, he seriously defends its significance in protecting the children.
P.S. You should note that I'm quite a harsh critic. These are all tiny little picky things, and I wouldn't want to forget to mention that you are a gifted writer! You have a talent for creating excellent characters and drawing people into your story.
P.P.S. Sorry for such a long review!!

Author's Response: It's admittedly embarrassing to keep this story around, just for the reasons you've given here. It's filled with inconsistencies and you're not the first to express discontent with the way that these eleven-year-olds speak. I can't even read this story anymore without wincing, so don't apologize for being harsh (you're far from it, actually). It's an old story, but I'm still learning from it and the experience of writing it today. All criticism on it is welcome.

I'm still fascinated by the idea of Sejanus as a character, but I agree that he's shady. Very shady. Too shady. At the time, I was working under the belief that the Snape within the books was equally shady. It's unfortunate because Sejanus ends up being a wasted character in the end. I really should have done more with him instead of taking the plot where I did, but I digress.

You know, this is exactly why I have so much trouble writing stories taking place within Hogwarts. There's a lot more freedom outside of the school, a lot more ways of pushing the boundaries.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It's wonderful to hear from you and to hear that someone reads fanfiction with such a critical eye. It's a rarity, and I'm flattered to have that eye focused on my work. ^_^


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Review #2, by Skizzy 

12th June 2009:
I hope you have something about Severus and Lily. Like either Lily tells them about there friendship or the other way around.

But that was great wel done.

Author's Response: Since most of this was written before DH, I wasn't able to include much Snape/Lily from when they were in school (this was started in 2005). ;) I did hastily try to build in the relationship later in the story, but it didn't work all that well.

Anyway, thank you again for reviewing! :)


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Review #3, by SilverEssence 

2nd April 2008:
lol sirius and james.
aww i love remus. he's like THE BEST.

lol
gj!
xx
leigh

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! :)

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Review #4, by SilverEssence 

31st March 2008:
lol sirius and james are alreayd BFFL and it's only the second day of school!
okay, so i know i might be sounding kinda stupid asking this affter all the nice things i've been saying about tiberius.
BUUTTT.

where is he mentioned in the actual HP books and like, how did he stand out in realtion to the plots.. i mean sorry for being silly but i just cant remember hearing of him! the name sounds kind of familiar but yeah...

do you konw what would be even stupider.. if Grimm was an original character of yours and i'm pretending like i knew who he was... wait.. is that true?
right. now i'm really confused..

BUT NONE THE LESS!!
grimm whether he be a real HP character or a fictional one your made up is nice :)

xx
leigh

Author's Response: *laughs*

He is an original character.

You're not the first to think that he was canon, and it's the coolest thing of all that you and others have believed that. The most canon OC.... ^_^


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Review #5, by Erratic Amethyst 

26th March 2008:
I knew you were brilliant, Violet, but this is phenominal!! I love everything from the characterizations to the drama. -Count me utterly hooked. Everything is just... wow. Positively inspiring.

Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story and all its aspects. ^_^

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Review #6, by Nimh 

11th January 2008:
this is a really good story! very interesting plot line and characters! love it!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! ^_^

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Review #7, by Bella_Portia 

10th December 2007:
I thought this was another very enjoyable and imaginative chaper. Loved the title (and the song in question).
I think Sejanus is a neat character. You've created a Snape-like character (a meanspirited, cruel, sarcastic schoolteacher who dislikes children and enjoys the power and control his position gives him), but without Snape's noble and sympathetic qualities. And it's a great, and slightly curious, choice of name: Sejanus was chief of the Praetorian Guard to the Roman Emperor Tiberius -- and a sinister figure he was.

I thought the description of the DADA classroom and class were wonderful; and you did a fine job of imagining what a teacher of such subject might actually tell his kids.

I notice this was revised post-DH; therefore, the canon depiction of a sadly undersocialized, friendless Snape was out there. I'm not sure how AU you wanted to go. You got the friendless part very well; buy he (ie, your Snape) struck me as a bit more articulate and socially assertive than I'd picture him. In other words, asking a girl from another house that he didn't know to be his lab partner seemed to be more than 11 year old Snape could handle. I notice you also dumped the part regarding he and Lily being best friends. Which is fine.

One thing: these kids, including Emma, seemed to me a bit older than the 11 year olds they are.

I seem to be grasping for criticisms. Oh, dear. I liked it a lot.

Author's Response: Oh dear, I didn't mean to give you so much work! But it's wonderfully helpful - you've definitely added to my list of "things to fix" for the re-write (and for edits here too). The choice of name for Sejanus was deliberate - there was meant to be some more altercation between him and Grimm which didn't quite pan out, but I do love those Roman names anyways. I would have liked to further develop his character, as he is so interesting - a bit of Snape and Umbridge put together, perhaps.

As for the younger characters of Snape and Lily, they definitely are AU here, as this part was written before HBP and my edits never ammounted to much post both of the last books. Them not speaking like kids is a huge issue that I need to address, so thank you for pointing it out. ^_^ Gosh, this was a helpful review, and I thank you so so much for taking the time to both read my story and write this review. =D


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Review #8, by Belle_Rose 

29th September 2007:
I simply love how Dumbledore always seems to know everything even though we know he doesn't. Another fabulous chapter. (haven't used that yet right? :D)

10/10

~ Leah

Author's Response: Thanks very much! I appreciate hearing from you. ^_^

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Review #9, by silver phoenix 

27th February 2007:
dum da da dum! Brilliant chapter. I wonder why Snape bothers Emma so much?

Author's Response: Why, oh why? ;-) Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #10, by musicgirlhp14 

4th December 2006:
I've noticed that you give all the characters a wide vocabulary, and well... it almost sounds out of place, since it's 11 year olds that are saying it all. But I don't mind, it makes it much more interesting to read! good chapter. and I don't trust that teacher -what's his name again? Anyways, good chapter, I can't read the next one!

Author's Response: Yeah, um, I've fixed that now. I really can't believe that I did something so stupid. *headdesk* When I wrote this, I must have been reading too much Shakespeare or something.

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Review #11, by JamesandLily4ever 

28th October 2006:
Dude, like get on with it! (Sorry...) A whiter shade of pale... is? What? Do tell, but I'll read on to know everything else well...

~Meli
P/s: Another mind wondering chapter! (It's excellent, dude!)

Author's Response: The early chapters really aren't the greatest, but no matter how much I edit them, they don't get better. *kicks old chapters* Oh well, thanks still for reviewing. =)

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Review #12, by frannybaby 

20th August 2006:
interesting chapter. a lot going on here. snape... voldemort... and antonio. is antonio the guy from diagon alley?

Author's Response: No, he isn't that guy. He's actually the Divination teacher from Hogwarts - he ran into Emma on the stairs on her first day of school. This is a packed chapter, that's for sure. Thanks very much for reviewing. =D

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Review #13, by Misty_Rey 

28th July 2006:
Aaaaw, Snape is so adorable that you just want to give him a big hug; but I won't coz I know he belongs to you. *Grins*. And now, the typoes.

Snape’s expression changed from indifferent to hurt, then angry.

Author's Response: I changed that one sentence a bit. What my brain was thinking about what my fingers typed wasn't quite the same. =P Haha, you can hug Snape if you'd like, though I don't know how much he'd like it. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #14, by groundless17 

21st July 2006:
I'm still holding on tight. :D

Author's Response: That's good to hear. =)

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Review #15, by goodbyetrain 

4th July 2006:
another excellent song choice, and another excellent chapter as well. i seriously think i'm going to be enjoying emma's interactions with snape more and more. [: ahhh dumbledore.

Author's Response: Oh yes, you will indeed enjoy Snape and Emma's interactions more as the story continues. *evil grin* Thanks so much for reviewing! =D

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Review #16, by isabellapotter 

26th June 2006:
Interesting. The new Divination teacher is suitably creepy, and I liked Dumbledore quite a bit in this chapter - he seemed very wise and, of course, as is his way, cryptic, and about 10 steps ahead of everyone else. I loved James and Sirius, too, and the comment about how they looked like they could have been brothers. I like Emma's habit of observing the people around her - I find myself doing that as well, sometimes. It's quite entertaining, not to mention informative. I like this story more and more with each chapter I read. I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: That description of Dumbledore is exactly how I keep picturing him. He's so omniscient it's almost scary. ;-) Slowly all the canon characters will appear - I think it's a lot more interesting (and less tiring) than having to meet them all in one chapter. Thanks again for the great review. It's great that you're enjoying the story so much. ^_^

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Review #17, by LostMaeblleshire 

25th June 2006:
Poor, dear Snape. He's trying so hard, isn't he? I do admit, for some reason, he really made me giggle in the chapter. I haven't any idea why, actually... But I do love how you capture his character. I love reading about the eleven-year-old Severus. Well, this chapter was just as fascinating as usual, well done!

Author's Response: When I write Snape sometimes, he ends up being funny for some strange reason - I think that it's because in the books and movies, his sarcasm always makes me laugh, even when he's being horrible to the students. =D It's great to hear that you like how I've portrayed him - I get worried that I'm making him too "soft" sometimes. Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing! =)

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Review #18, by anonymous_writer 

13th May 2006:
I almost pitied Severus in this chapter; Emma was being very impatient with him, but nonetheless not without reason! Severus also speaks very maturely for his age, but that fits his character to a "T"! Another wonderful chapter!

Author's Response: Oh that's good to hear. I've been worried that I've made Severus just a little too mature for his age, but it does rather fit his character. Thanks again! =)

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Review #19, by delta 

29th April 2006:
Dun, dun, dun. The suspense is increasing. You characterize Dumbledore especially well and the divination teacher adds an element that adds to your already interesting plot. Great job!

Author's Response: Haha, yes, more and more suspense will come as the story continues. =) Thanks very much, delta.

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Review #20, by enchanted disaster 

27th March 2006:
once again i just wanted to compliment you on your fantastic job on this story.i love it!!*pats on back*

Author's Response: lol, thanks very much, enchanted distaster. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as much. =)

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Review #21, by Sophia Montgomery 

23rd February 2006:
Aw, loved DD in ths chapter. You characterized him so well. Good chapter!

Author's Response: Excellent! DD is a fun character to write, with his all-knowing nature and tendency for liking muggle candy. =D Thanks very much. =)

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Review #22, by Wiccan 

16th October 2005:
I lost this story and found it again...Whee! Your characters are great. I love the fact that you have a Snape-like professor and Snape as a student. There is much potential there for superb nastiness! Loved DD's parting shot...so very like him! And, oh, yes ... the wonderful BJAuth who has helped so many of us! Don't know what she said to encourage you ...but so very glad you have continued at this high level. I love the story!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the great review, Wiccan. =D I love hearing from you! The characters are fun to work with, especially Grimm, whom I adore writing.

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Review #23, by WritsyArithmancer 

19th August 2005:
Aww! That's so touching! You can't hide everything, especially your heart. *tear* :P This is gettin' SO good! ^_^ I absolutely love eet!

Author's Response: Dumbledore really can spout off wisdom, can't he? Thanks for all the reviews you've given. :-)

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Review #24, by Gwen 

4th July 2005:
Again, great chapter. Beautifully written. i'm curious to know why Snape behaves like this around her. I just can't wait to read more, please update soon!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much, Gwen, for all of your reviews. They're highly appreciated. And for why Snape seems to take interest in Emma, you'll just have to wait. :-P

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Review #25, by Fiercely Loyal Phoenix 

3rd July 2005:
I absolutely love this story, and every time I read a chapter I find myself wanting more. I like the new DADA Professor; he seems so intriguing. I can’t wait to find out what the deal with him is, and how he’ll progress as the story continues. I’m sure it’s no accident of yours that Emma has met him already, or that we’ve learnt so much about him.

I’m also curious about Severus is up to and how things will continue there; I can’t help but wonder what happens to Emma and him because he ends up as Potions Professor, not her. It’s a little strange he knows legilimens already, but I’m assuming that may be a reason why he’s so good by the time he’s teaching. He also seems to have taken an interest in her hand, even if he seems a little wary/secretive of his noticing it, I’m also wondering if this is important – especially as he seems to get on with Lucius rather well.

I think you’ve wrote this chapter brilliantly, and you’ve managed to keep all the characters in-character perfectly; they react and interact exactly how I would expect. I’m also, though I don’t think I mentioned it before, surprised and impressed you placed Marlene in Ravenclaw (is there a reason for that other than Emma needed a friend?) because most people place both her and Dorcas in Gryffindor – it’s nice to have a bit of variety and difference. Besides that, I really like how you’ve described both Marlene and Dorcas so far; they seem like well-developed characters, even though they’ve not been featured too much yet.

[Oh, and as a side-note I’d like to apologize… I’ve been reviewing this fic from both the QA account and this one, switching over every now and then; I didn’t realise until I went back to re-read the fic and reviews I’d left earlier. Sorry!]

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you very very much for this review, Jess. It's simply phenomenal! Everything you mentioned the first two paragraphs will be explained later in the story, so I won't go there, but the thing about Marlene warrants some justification. I put her in Ravenclaw because I needed another female Ravenclaw (so you were right) and becuase I had too many Gryffindors. It was easier to use a character already created than to make up another one myself. Fortunately for me, Marlene seems to be fitting into Ravenclaw quite well. ;-) Once again, thank you, and I'm really happy that you're enjoying this story.

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