Wow! This is a chapter jam-packed with action. Somewhat like the last hour of the latest Pirates movie, and I mean that as a compliment. I guess you've sent this story through a beta before posting it, which is why there seems to be absolutely nothing wrong on either the spelling or the grammar front.
Somehow, I still dont believe that Topher is what you seem to allude to here. His actions so far speak otherwise. Wormtail too was a surprise. He seemed like a Gollum-like character here, and thats what I've always felt in canon too.
That said, Fenrir's end wasnt all that satisfying. It would have been pretty interesting to see Harry fighting a werewolf. When you introduced the idea that Fenrir was coming out of the tube, I was actually hoping for a no-holds barred battle between the two. Yet, I can understand that would have made this packed chapter even longer and for some readers, too much of a good thing.
One doubt, though. When Voldemort heard the spell to remove the horcrux from his snake, he would have been more alert and would have done everything he could to stop Harry from removing the horcrux, even kept the snake as far from Harry as possible. In fact, Voldemort wouldn't even want anybody but himself killing Harry. Also, when Harry was engrossed with the Dementors or the Accio charm, Voldemort had all the opportunity to kill him, yet he didnt. I couldnt actually understand Voldemort's actions in this part.
Overall, the chapter is great, as the previous ones. This one gets a 9/10. Please update soon, though.
PS: Please do review my story when you're free :)Author's Response: Hi there chiron! Nice to see you back!
You know, I didn't put it through a beta, so it's great to hear it sounded good in that manner! :)
With Topher, who knows what will happen. With Peter, I know, I didn't really get enough time for him I felt, but the chapter was getting just too long at the time.
It would have been fun to have a fight between Harry and a Werewolf, but yes, you're right, it would take too much time. But who knows, there may be some fighting against Werewolves in the next chapter.
With Voldemort there, I know, he does seem to hesitate. There is a reason for that though. Voldemort, powerful as he is, does have some pretty horrible memories. With that many Dementors around, drawn by the Dementor's Purge, he wouldn't have a good enough memory to keep them away. He would have had to use his Occlumency for that, and it might have been enough to keep him off guard for a moment before he knew what was going on with Harry and the snake. He does try to kill him, but Peter jumps in the way.
But thank you again Chiron for reviewing, and you're awesome comments! I know, I am terribly sorry for not coming by and reading your story. I've been bogged down writing HPOL, I haven't had a chance to read any stories. Report Review
First off, the opening is flawless. Classic. I mean, I wonder, with this kind of talent, why don't you write mainstream fiction? Maybe a collection of short stories? Or have you written one already?
The first half of the story ends on an intriguing note. She's definitely his mistress, and seems to be trying to get him to leave his wife or girlfriend.
But I wonder if witches wear business skirts and high heeled shoes. Never heard of them in canon.
This line She watched a star wink out in the distance, a vision of the beauty of the end of something, and she closed her eyes briefly, before opening them again, searching for another star to focus her gaze on. deserves special mention. Again, are you writing mainstream fiction? Cause you should; this is too poetic to remain on HPFF.
But once again, my old bias against one-shots kicks in. This story again holds promise and has easily enough scope to be a short story or a novella. Though, of course, from a storywriting point of view, I can imagine omitting details in one-shots can make them more interesting.
You've kept to what may be called a minimalist approach - cutting out all peripheral characters. In fact, the whole story needs just 3 actors on a stage - Draco, Pansy and the barman, who is as much a prop as Pansy's bar stool. Draco's wife isnt even named, let alone shown. And strangely, this minimalism works quite well in your story. It keeps the camera, so to speak, firmly on the two.
Your story rests not only on what you've said, but also on what you've left unsaid. And when it comes together like this, it only enhances the artistry in the story. There really isnt much to criticise here, except the business skirt bit, and that too is of course, not a big mistake, just unusual.
And so, in spite of my general disinterest in one-shots and romantic stories, you've literally forced me to give this story 10/10 :)
ChironAuthor's Response: wow hun, what an awesome review! thank you!
firstly, i do write mainstream fiction - i have heaps of short pieces, two novels half completed, and about 3 books worth of poetry, but alas, i have done nothing with any of it!
ah the skirt and shoes - i picture the robes they wear as more symbolic of their world, so i often write my characters with normal clothing underneath - something that denotes who they are or what they do. i pictured pansy working in an office for some reason, so i went with the general office garb under the robe.
oh thanks!! i love that line - i have no idea where it came from, but i thought it suited what she was feeling perfectly. something was ending, and the star was a symbol of that, and her chosing another one to look at represented her choice to move on. thank you so much!!
i couldn't stretch this one out if i tried without stepping over the line and playing with cliches. i did think about it, but decided not to risk it. where could i go from here? in any case, i want to write Pansy again some time soon - i really enjoyed creating her!
the minimalism - omg thank you! esp the stage comment. i did alot of writing for stage (and screen) while i was at uni, and that minimalist thing kind of stuck, and as i was writing this i could almost picture the way it would be performed - three actors, two sets, low lighting, minimal dialogue, and a narrative flowing over the top. so thank you for that!!! *hugs*
i think the unsaid part of this story is what makes it effective, so thank you again for saying that. sometimes, you can easily leave things up to reader to imply for themselves, otherwise you can bog the story down with unnecessary detail and outside events.
forced you to give a 10? excellent xD
thank you so much for such a wonderful critique and i promise i shall return to your fic really soon!!!
Maji Report Review
You had asked me to review, so here I am!
You asked where you can get a banner. They make good ones at www.the-dark-arts.net
Now on to the review. Firstly, spelling and grammar: this is quite essential to the story, as I'm realising in my own. A lot of people have told me my story had a lot of mistakes. It takes away from the effect of the story overall. For example, things like dumbledore, Harry potter etc look strange when the names are not capitalised. Also, grammar.
For instance But he also was plagued by thoughts of the outcome of his mission which dumbledore had assigned to him .will he succeed ? should have been "would he succeed?" While you cant avoid a few mistakes, too many spelling and grammar errors can be quite damaging even to an otherwise brilliant story.
Now on to the story. Its nice to see that good ol JKR phrase "monster in his chest". Reminds me of the few comical moments in HBP. Good inclusion here.
Dursleys calling the trio 'freaks' also sounds nice and funny.
But I feel you should have given us the discussion in which Harry decided that the locket would be his priority #1. We do need to know his reasons. Of course, if that is left to a later chapter, then this comment of mine doesnt hold. Also the scene showing how exactly Moody cowed down the Dursleys. Just a wee little scene, adds a bit of humor.
Actually, as a general practice, its better to give a short, one paragraph back story instead of one-line explanations. For instance, take this Ron and Hermoine were getting really friendly with each other. No doubt, its a cheeky and amusing line, but it would have been better if you had made it into a short para, just 3-4 lines, about how Ron often looked dreamy-eyed, how Hermione sometimes subtly blushed when Ron praised her as a know-it-all, you know, somthing like that. Try doing that in your story.
Of course, I've got a bias towards longer, more detailed chapters, so I may be influenced by that. Maybe its just me :)
Albus's letter. You might consider using the "blockquote" tag. That will make the letter look indented. Presently, its a bit confusing since it doesnt stand out as a letter and one may mistake it for the normal text of your story.
The letter is quite interesting, of course. Its interesting to see the "good Snape" theory being revealed right at the beginning. Most of the stories I've seen so far reveal it later. Should be nice to see how this evolves. But again, I think you should have shown the shock of the trio. Especially Harry, he's the most cynical of the three, and wouldnt really keep quiet about it. Even Ron and Hermione wouldnt buy it so easily.
Overall, I'd say you need more detail. The Death Eaters attacking is a good idea, but it came too suddenly. Consider a movie like Pirates of the Caribbean. Jack Sparrow comes to the dock, spends some time walking and talking around. Only after around 20 mins do we have that swashbuckling scene of him getting arrested, dodging bullets fighting with Will etc. Thats because Jack Sparrow, Port Royal, all those characters and events need some time to sink into the brains of the audience. The impact comes because of the buildup.
So I'll give this story 7/10, because it is interesting, but can be a whole lot better.
I feel this story sounds good, but it could be so much more. Hope you'll like this review, I'm generally not too friendly a reviewer, I'm afraid :)
ChironAuthor's Response: i type really slowly thts y i leave out a lot of details i assure that it won happen again. thankx 4 ur concrete review it helps me a lot. th fic is gonna be completed before 21 july thats a promise Report Review
This is quite an interesting story, and questions about this "Emerald Phoenix" are popping left, right and center. He is most certainly trying to be a new Dark Lord. But does he have his own version of Death Eaters already or is he planning to recruit? Why Neville? And whats the connection with Voldemort?
The fact that you've managed to get a person to ask those questions is a testament to the excellent way you've written the story so far. Its a bit premature to say much, of course, but one thing is definite - this story really has great potential.
Enough of the rambling, now to the specifics. For a moment, I was surprised by Luna being Ron's wife, then I remembered that your stories are generally Harry/Hermione. Good work on that front, though.
Neville recognizes the Emerald guy. Hmmm... looks like Emerald is someone they know from their Hogwarts days.
I wonder why you've used the "Phoenix" as an emblem, though. In canon, the phoenix has a strictly positive connotation, so is this Emerald a person trying to subvert the meaning, or does it have a deeper symbology behing it.
Like I said, potential for a great story. Keep those updates coming in. This one gets a 9.8/10 :)
PS: its better to update regularly ASAP, or the reader might forget the last few incidents in the story.
PPS: I've updated my story, the Rise of the Dark Mark. Would appreciate a review from you, if its not too much to ask :)Author's Response: Hey there chiron! Nice to hear from you again!
Yes, the Emerald Phoenix does bring up many questions, let alone if it IS Voldemort or some kinda of spin-off. There are things that can go one way, or another, or a totally different way. :)
R/L, yeah, you have to look at the pairings to remember that. I do like my H/Hr of course. :)
The phoenix, of course, has a good number of meanings to this story, which will become apparent as it moves forward. :) But yes, it usually has a good symbolism in HP.
Thanks alot for the score, and the review! I know what you mean about updating. I haven't had much chance the last while to update, 'cause of work and such, but I'm trying.
And I will try to come and read your updates. I haven't had much chance to read stories, since I've been writing most of the time. Report Review
The story is good, its interesting and I'll try to make it to the end of it. The descriptions of characters are quite well done.
Though for some reason, the story sounds like it needed more... while you've said that Ron and Harry somehow left the family, the circumstances (or what the family thinks they are) should have been given. I mean, just a few hints. Without it, the story looks like its going too slow.
Also, "Bill, Fleur..." sounded a bit strange, esp since she later says Aunt Ginny. Bill and the rest should have had "Uncle" and "Aunt".
This is a good story, but it needs a bit more... you've left out a lot of details, thats quite good, but some of the details have to be given regularly to keep the reader hooked.
So all in all, the story shows good promise, I'll give 7.5, but this really has the potential to go upto 9 :) So keep those chapters coming :)
PS: If you do get time, please review my story, The Rise of the Dark Mark :)Author's Response: Thansk for the review, I'll review your story when I can. Report Review
Well, its good so far. Nicole sounds like a really cute girl, and is a great character.
But some things were OOC.
You see, the first meeting of Ron and Hermione seems too friendly in hindsight. I mean, if she had his kid (great twist, by the way; brilliant) she would be very uneasy and wouldnt agree to coffee so easily.
And Ron throughout, seems to be too mature and understanding, much more than Hermione. While 9 years may have passed, such a big change in the dude sounds strange, because I do suspect he wouldnt have taken their break up very well.
As for the rest, Ron's uneasiness in telling his parents is quite genuine. And Nicole's admiration for her "hero" who she doesnt know is really endearing.
She is the character driving the story at the moment IMHO, so keeping her in the centerstage would be really nice.
The rating here, is again 8/10
ChironAuthor's Response: Thanks for another amaing review! Yes, my problem is getting them In Character... :/
And now I probably sounds stupid.. hehe, but what's IMHO? ^^ Report Review
You asked people to point out flaws here, well, here I am!
▲ the plot is interesting and does ensure the reader might want to read further
▲ the situation is well done
▼ the coffee scene could have been longer. And a little uncomfortable for the two of them
▼ the language used by Hermione, like "kinda" is too American. These guys are Brits, and Hermione's language has always been the most British of the three, so words like "kinda" dont go well with her character.
Generally, this is a good starting chapter and if you maintain the tempo and iron out those little kinks, this should be one nice fic.
Good start, I'll give you 8.75/10 :)
PS: I hope its not asking too much, but if you can, please do review my story The Rise of the Dark Mark :)Author's Response: Thank you for a very great review! I'm neither British or American so thank you for pointing that little mistake out. I'll change it. Is it better that she says 'Kind of' or is that weird too? ^^
I'll try and find the time to read your story, but I'm pretty busy at the time so I don't have time right now :) Report Review
I promised I'd be reviewing, and here I am :)
Well, this is the first non-trio story I've read so far on HPFF and it looks quite promising to me. But I think I should point out where it could be better, cause this story has quite a bit of scope and can be very interesting.
The flashbacks are interesting, but they need to be more lively. Especially the first meeting of the Ted and Andromeda, there can be much more to it. Since they're meeting for the first time, that too in such conditions, a bit of shock or hesitation would be IC.
As for Alice Fortescue, am I right in guessing its Florean Fortescue's mom, if not, his sis? You've not given much info about her though, but there's nothing wrong with her character, except that her friendliness seems a tad too sudden.
And since Andromeda will be the center of this story, you'll have to add a lot of depth to her character. So far, she's characterised as a rebel, but her actions and thoughts seem vaguely circumspect. The confidence of a rebel seems missing.
All in all, I'll say its a good beginning, quite promising, though you'll need to work on the characters a bit more. So right now, this chapter gets 8/10 :)
I'll stay tuned to this story, and I hope you'll review mine, The Rise of the Dark Mark
ChironAuthor's Response: Hey there chiron! First of all, thank you for a great review and I'm sorry for the late respond.
Hm, lively you say? Yes yes, I understand what you mean... I was actually concerned that the meetings'd be a little 'flat', in lack of another word, but I will see what I can do to it. Perhaps I just leave it there and try to think about it the next time I give you some flashbacks.
Again, I was concerned about that too. The suddenness in their friendship. Alice just took a step though, a tiny one that eventually led to a very strong bond they share. But yes, I feel the same way, it's a bit rushed. His sister sounds likely... Or just some relative. I didn't give it that much consideration, but all the while in the back of my head, I've seen those as close relatives.
To be truthful, Andromeda is a bit of everything at the moment, making her a bit unsure herself of who she really is. I will try very hard to grab her personality and the depth of her character. There's a lot more to come to this story, so hopefully, you will notice her development througout the story.
I will take your advice and work on the characters - it'll be a bit hard, but I'll do my best!
I'm going on Summer holidays next week and I will have all the time in the world to review your story then (at the moment I have a very difficult speech I must finish writing and that'll take most of my time this week-end)! But don't give up on me!
Thanks again for a great review. Report Review
Nice to see Luna entering the story. I really like her cute silliness. Her reaction to her dad's death, though, seems a bit too calm, even by her standards. As for the rest, the Harry-Ginny and Ron-Hermione angst has been shown well too.
The only thing I didnt get was why Harry didnt even try to reply to Ginny's ranting. Its not like he doesnt have a valid reason.
But otherwise, the story's been quite good. Spelling and grammar right up to the mark and the character development is going on quite nicely.
ChironAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! Yeah, I was trying so hard to keep Luna in character and I was afraid I would mess up. I didn't want her to have the kind of reaction a normal person would. As for Harry...I don't know, why didn't he answer her? Maybe she made him feel stupid or something :P. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
You asked me to review, and here I am!
Well, so far, the story's been quite good. The romantic part is being developed slowly and steadily as far as events are concerned. Of course, the feeling is quite obviously visible.
You've not really given any scope for errors here except a small one - the atmosphere looks overall much more cheerful than we would expect it to be. Maybe its my prejudice since my own story is dark, but I do think you need to increase the darkness quotient.
Except for that, its a pretty good opening for a story, I'll be reading further. This IS interesting no doubt :)
So the score for this would be 8.5/10Author's Response: Thanks. Yeah, further in the story it gets darker/more realistic. Maybe because I realized that we had to have something about the war in there, since it is a pretty big deal. Thanks for your review! Report Review
You asked for a review, and well, here I am, reviewing it :)
Well done! Good chapter, very well written. The language and grammar are quite good, which is important for a story like this, else it would have lost a lot of impact. But you didnt let that happen, so thats great!
The anguish and agony of Malfoy is shown very well. This is going to be a Dramoine story, unless I'm very mistaken, and the chemistry between them is being developed well.
You've presented this as a scenario in a post-Voldemort world, where Draco is repenting. While this is an interesting idea, it also creates one difficulty in the story - Draco has to look like he was really repenting long before Voldemort died, else it doesnt sound genuine. Of course, that may be the subject of the other chapters, but I suggest you work on that angle too.
But overall, its a good chapter, one that sets a good tone for a story to follow.
PS: Can you please review my story, The Rise of the Dark Mark? Its a bit long, but even if you could review a couple of chapters, I'd be grateful :)Author's Response: hey darl! Thanks for the review. I'll get to yours ASAP!
this is a one-shot. i thought about writing more, but i cannot figure out where to go from here without being too predictable. before the war broke out, Draco was well and truly supportive of what he was about to do, but when he was confronted with the reality of the whole situation, he freaked out, and did the only thing he could think of - tried to save himself. whether he is totally genuine or not - i dunno. he's definately conflicted and a bit shocked, but i don't know if he is really sorry (that sounds weird, cause i'm the author, but i really don't know...maybe i could write more...hmmmm) he knows he has been used...i guess i was playing on the survival instinct...if he didn't repent ... his life would be alot harder.
thanks for the review hun!
xx Report Review
Good chapter again! The action is hotting up now, nice to see.
There's a huge hint there about V, and I think I've interpreted it correctly, let me see if I'm right as the story progresses ;)
Generally, this is one of the better chapters I've read in a long time. Has the right mix of adaption from the movie and deviations from the storyline, makes for interesting reading. With a premise like this, its pretty easy to make it look like you've just taken the movie script and "magickified" it, but you havent fallen into that trap, and thats great :)
All in all, the story has a distinctive identity of its own. Thats what is most impressive here.
PS: My fifth chapter (Rise of the Dark Mark) got validated just yesterday. Pl check it out and tell me what you think :)Author's Response: Hey there chiron! It's great to see you back!
There is a bit of a hint here for V, that's for sure. :)
I'm glad you liked this chapter. It's great to hear you like my mixing of the stories, with both V and my own HP stuff. Of course I'm worried about falling into that trap of just taking the movie, and adding magic instead of, say, guns and knives, so it's good to hear so far I'm steering clear of that. :)
Distinctive identity eh? :) That's a good thing for sure! :)
Thanks again chiron for reviewing! Oh man, chapter 5 is online! I only have chapter 1 under my belt! Well, I'll tell you what, I'll try to come over and review at least another chapter soon. I'm all done up with my assignments now, so I have some free time. :) Report Review
Its getting better. Interesting to see that Lily and Snape collaborated on a book together, even if reluctantly.
But there are some doubts I have now.
At the end of 5th yr, Voldemort realised that peeking into Harry's brain was dangerous. Dumbledore quoted that as the reason why Voldemort didnt try Legilimency on Harry throughout HBP. So the renewed connection with Voldemort is a bit surprising.
Also, Dumbledore uses the word 'Marauder' for James. But at that time, did he know about the Marauders? I mean, did he know they had named themselves 'Marauders'? I'm not sure about this, since even JKR has never explained whether it was a private name for their gang or a well known one.
And you're working up the tension and intrigue well. Especially this dialogue from Lily, Yes, however I still do not trust him Albus was brilliant. The "still" part had me wondering, what did Snape do for her to "stil" not trust him? Did he betray her? Did he cheat on her, perhaps? That would add more layers to what is certainly one of the most complex characters in recent literary history.
PS: Thanks for the pronunciation of Terrwynebas. And as for Voldemort's treatment of Lucius, that was dot on. He isnt the sort of person to let an opportunity for sadism to pass by.
PPS: My third chapter got approved. 4th is in for validation now. Actually, I completed the story months ago, but began submitting only recently. The 4th, 5th and 6th chapters may be a bit controversial, but I hope they'll be liked. I'd be glad if you could review them when they get approved :)Author's Response: Oh hello there chiron, my Indian friend! :) A long review from you!
Doubts? Hmm, well, let's see what I can do.
The connection to Harry and Voldemort isn't really about Voldemort possessing Harry. Not really . . . you have to read ahead to understand why Voldemort might be affecting Harry more.
I think Dumbledore by that time would know about James and the others calling themselves the "Marauders". I'm sure it would have come up some time between when they finished at Hogwarts, and they died. Plus Dumbledore would have known about that group, and the mischief they created around the castle (he was Headmaster don't forget). I'm sure the Marauder thing crept up in the course.
I'm glad you're enjoying the building up of tension of course. Ah yes, you caught that "still" part with Lily, very good. Of course you won't really hear why there's that "still" there, but it stems from when Dumbledore said Snape would be helping the Order. No one, including Lily, trusted him on that (except Dumbledore, for reasons you'll find out later in this story). She didn't trust Snape to be on their side, and here, she still doesn't trust him. I don't think Snape and Lily ever had a fling, no. By the way he treated her in that memory we saw, I don't think they would have done much there. And, don't forget, Snape in the end did betray her, by telling Voldemort about the part of the prophecy he heard, which led to Lily and James' death (although Lily was not supposed to die. That'll be explained as well).
And no problems on the pronounciation help there. It's good to hear you liked Voldemort's treatment of Lucius too. :)
Oh, your 3rd chapter is online? Cool! I know I only read the first chapter right now. That's 'cause I've been smacked with homework and things are getting hectic. I'm trying to keep up my own writing before reading others, 'cause my head is letting out plot and such, so I need to write it down. I do have some time tonight I think though. I'll try to come over and read chapter 2 tonight, cool? Alrighty!
Thanks again chiron for reviewing! Report Review
OK, I finally got down to reading your story. Didnt comment on the first few chapters, cause I wanted to the story to proceed to a certain extent before commenting.
And so far, I can say, great job!
I like the way you started off slowly and gracefully, with things other than the horcruxes. The events have been made interesting enough to hook the reader, and I certainly am hooked. I'll be watching this space for further updates.
More when the story advances.Author's Response: Hi there chiron! It's great to see you here!
Of course I understand waiting to comment. I would have loved to hear from you on each chapter as they went, but this works. :)
I'm glad you liked the beginning. There's a lot to get out of the way before they start hunting for Horcruxes I think. Plus, if Harry goes and wears out as much as possible his protection at the Dursley's, then I think it would be hard for him to get Horcrux stuff done.
It's great to hear I got you liking the story though.
Thanks again chiron for reviewing! I'm looking forward to hearing from you again! Report Review
Good one again. Another intriguing chapter. You're keeping your cards close to your chest, heightening the tension. Good job.
Its good that you're deviating from the movie storyline now. Though I'd have loved to see an equivalent of the blowing up of the Old Bailley, I suppose thats left off for a more important moment.
This story now is really making me wonder who's going to be the equivalent of Lewis Prothero, Peter Creedy and Finch, and of course, the identity of Mr "V" - which of course, is possibly exactly what you intended in the first place.
PS: Spice up the dialogues of V a bit as you go on. Hugo Weaving did an awesome job with them, and the expectations will be of similarly impressive dialogues from your V. You know, the heavy-on-philosophy, subtle under-the-surface contempt for the govt, all that.
PPS: I've updated my own 7th part. The second chapter just validated, and the third should also be validated soon. I'd be really grateful if you would review it as well :)Author's Response: Hello again!
I'm glad you liked this chapter too! Trying to keep the tension up for sure! :)
I planned on deviating from the movie right from the start, but couldn't think of a better way of entering Hermione's world and V.
Of course blowing up the Old Bailley would be exciting to write, but it was done in the movie. Besides, V blew that up because it stood for justice, which society had forgotten. V here, if he does blow up anything, must do something that he feels is justified. I have ideas, don't worry. :)
You must like the movie, you remembered the character's names! Most of them will have equivalents, but will be their own characters. I'll tell you now that Neville is really in the place of Gordon the tv host. Whether he will recieve the same fate is questionable, but you'll have to keep reading to find out. :)
I told another reviewer, you will find out V's identity, but he will NOT be unmasked. I loved that about the movie, 'cause it would have (I think) destroyed it by unmasking him.
As to V's dialogue, I will be trying to keep him very interesting to read. Again, I'll probably be going online to the forums for some help with good quotes and such, but I'll keep him very intellectual in his speech. He won't just drop into Hagrid talk: "I must say, the manner in which you walk tells me a multitude about your personallity and your understanding of our current predicament" (turns to caugh) "I'm just sayin', yeh don' understand wha's goin' on!". (shudders). :)
Oh, chapter 2's up? Very cool! I'll be coming over, for sure. It's a long one too! Lots'ofun! Thanks for reviewing here, and I hope you enjoy my novel-fic! Report Review
You had asked me to review your 7th book story, but I came across this adaptation of V for Vendetta and decided to look at this one first.
First off, this is a pretty interesting combination - V and Hermione. Sounds quite promising and I'll have to keep checking as you update this story.
And I liked that you gave the English translations of the Shakespearean verses Hugo Weaving uses in the movie. Though the Shakespearean language is more impressive, not too many people can understand the meaning.
But there are a few points I'd like to make.
Adam Sutler (the Chancellor in the movie) is definitely evil, but he's not evil personified. All his methods of rounding up people and stifling freedom of speech qualify him for the title of a usual power-hungry politician-dictator who's got much more than he deserves. Even in the movie, the Sutler they show is no more than a normal dictator. He doesnt really come up to the barbaric levels of say, Hitler, Stalin and Saddam Hussein. Why this is important is because Voldemort is a man in the Hitler-Saddam mould. He's not just a tyrant, he's a sadist and megalomaniac.
So while the acts of rounding of people, shutting their mouths, subtly controlling their minds is Sutler-like, it certainly seems too kind by Voldemort's standards. What this means is that the story will need to get darker. He has to be doing something much more cruel.
And the part about Harry and Ron's deaths, that part was a bit shocking. I was wondering about the how and why of it, but I'm sure that will be revealed later in the story.
All in all, a very promising start to the story.
PS: I have a theory for the identity of V :) Lets see if I'm right in the end.Author's Response: Hi there chiron! Thank you for coming over. Of course I'm looking forward to your thoughts on my Book 7, but you decided to come here, which is cool!
As you saw in the second chapter, this story is running off the idea of V for Vendetta. It's not a cross-over exactly, because only 1 character that's mentioned in the movie will be here in the story: V. And V will be drastically different than in the movie, his history at least.
The English quotes and such, with Shakespeare, I'm actually very rough on. I was never a huge fan of Shakespeare, so I had to comb through some quotes before finding those two from Julius Caesar. I'm actually going to be putting in a thing in the Forums for some help on quotes that might work well in the story.
Of course, getting back to the movie parallels, this story will of course focus more on Voldemort and his Markers (Death Eaters). From the name of the Chancellor at the bottom, it should be easy to tell he's a puppet for Voldemort really. He has no real power, 'cause remember, the Chancellor is a Muggle. Voldemort could easily kill him, and he's probably under an Imperious Curse, but like the time before Voldemort's domination, if the Muggle Chancellor (or PM) started spouting stuff about wizards and magic, they'd think he's nuts.
But don't fret, the story will get dark . . . I'm hoping quite dark actually. It mentions a little what Voldemort is having done with new wizards and witches. You might see a bit of that here and there, and get the idea.
Ron and Harry's deaths are meant to be a bit surprising, but they're explained in the second chapter. At least a little. :)
Thanks chiron for reviewing! Of course you can guess who you think V is, but I'll say right now, there's a bigger list of people to choose than you think. :) Report Review
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