Reading Reviews From Member: luvinpadfoot
  
622 Reviews Found

Review #51, by luvinpadfootForget Me Not: Chapter 3

21st July 2013:
I really can't fathom what's going on anymore, but I can't wait to find out!

All I've got is that I'd really think James was dead if I didn't know that he couldn't be. And I really don't think you've gone AU and killed him (though that is possible). I think you're trickier than that.

I'm really enjoying it, though! Poor Lily. She's the only one who believes and everyone thinks she's going crazy. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't, but I hope this gets resolved soon. She seems like she's taking everything to heart, the rumors and their friends thinking she's crazy, the dreams of James. I hope something happens soon and it isn't just someone playing a trick on her. That would be a very cruel trick.

It was so sweet that James, dead or not, remembered about the forget-me-nots and not giving up. If things do turn out okay then the two of them together are really adorable. And if he's alive somehow I think Lily will forget that she was ever mad at him.

I feel a little bad for the other Marauders and Mary. They've just lost a friend too and they have to deal with Lily going mad, or at least they think she's going mad. And it's kind of a legitimate thing to believe at this point.

Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling and just say that I really adore this story and can't wait for the next two chapters! I love your writing and characters and I really really want to know what happens! :)

Author's Response: aw thank you so much! I'm glad you like it! It definitely borders on AU, and that's something that was very different for me to write since I typically stick close to canon, but it was a very fun experiment!

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Review #52, by luvinpadfootRisen: Out of the Ashes : Twenty Questions

21st July 2013:
Ooh I loved this chapter! And James was right, a lot of Charlotte's answers were really telling. I may be kind of analyzing her at the moment. It was sweet how James felt sad for her when she said she wanted to be more like her sisters.

I do hope that's not how her family really feels about her and just her perception. That'd be awful if it was the case, although understandable I guess. It's hard to have a kid who's more like your ex than you from her father's point of view.

I'm really adoring James's character, especially in the beginning! He's just so- I don't really know how to explain it. Deep, I guess. But not unrealistically so. He's like the jock/playboy/whatever who actually has real thoughts, only hides them because he doesn't want to come off that way.

I do love that he's so different with Charlotte, though. The two seem so close already, opening up about stuff that normally they wouldn't talk about. I love it! And I can't wait to see what kind of questions Charlotte asks him and what answers he provides.

My one critique per chapter (because apparently you only have one thing per chapter that could be improved): there was a fair bit of dialogue without a lot of description in the second half or so. I dunno, the dialogue was really good, but it seemed like there could be some more description to go along with it.

But lovely chapter! I really enjoyed it and I can't wait for more! You're a very talented writer and you've done the characters so well that I'm addicted! :)

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thanks for the review, it really means a lot to me! It's such a huge relief knowing that the characters are coming across the way I want them to. Whew!

The story is definitely writing itself at this point- and unlike most of the other (non-fan fiction) stories I write, I'm not really playing the editor as much as I normally would. Somewhere around the halfway point I'll will probably go back and do some minor editing- add more description and things like that. Critiques help me as much as positive thoughts- so keep it coming!


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Review #53, by luvinpadfootRisen: Out of the Ashes : Reunion with James Potter

21st July 2013:
I liked the Doctor Who reference! Definitely wasn't expecting it so it made me laugh. I also am a huge fan. ;)

James was brilliant. He's so sweet and helpful to Charlotte! Most guys would've probably found some other way to help her that was easier for them, but James really is so nice. I liked how he said he had a "reputation". If it was a bad one then I think it's all gone after how he helped Charlotte.

The bit about his mum was so funny! Definitely the way I pictured Ginny as a mother. Her boys would be the perfect gentlemen, or she'd know why. Though I'm not quite sure how she'd feel about her son helping Charlotte in the shower. Somehow I don't quite think his eyes widened because Charlotte looked like utter crap...

It was a great chapter and I love what's happened so far and your writing style! My only critique was that some of the larger paragraphs are a tad blocky to read on the computer screen and maybe splitting those up into two or three separated paragraphs would make it a bit easier. But that's really just a nitpick thing. It's a brilliant story and I really am loving it! So onward, to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello! Glad you liked the Dr. Who reference. :D

Thanks for the comments, and thanks for reading my story. It's so surreal thinking that people are actually reading (and gasp- enjoying) this. I'm kind of in shock. I hope you continue to read and like the story. I have something close to half of it already written, so there shouldn't be long waits for chapters.
I really appreciate the critique too- I'm trying to shorten the paragraphs in later chapters, so hopefully that will make it easier to read.
Thanks again!


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Review #54, by luvinpadfootThe Chance Of A Lifetime: The First Chance

21st July 2013:
Oh no! Poor James, he couldn't know that she was allergic to lilies (although that's very ironic). Still, a guy should probably not try to woo a girl using the flower she was named for. I don't have a flower name, but I'm guessing that could get old really fast.

Still, it wasn't a bad try on his part. Lily was enjoying herself until the end bit with the lilies. And she didn't seem too mad. Maybe she'll calm down when the itching stops and she feels better. And James still has two more chances! I'm sure he won't screw those up as badly.

I think it's sweet how James went to his friends for help with the date and they all tried to pitch in. Maybe next time he'll just try on his own, since his friends couldn't help.

This was a really original way to screw up that date, though! I've never seen a story in which Lily is allergic to lilies. I almost wish you'd done a bit more with it, shown more of James's reaction after the fact. I'm sure he was horrified he used flowers Lily was allergic too.

The only bit of criticism I have was that it seemed like there was a lot of dialogue and not so much description. A little description can go a long way in a story and could definitely help improve it. I loved the dialogue though and what you have is awesome!

Another great chapter! I'm really loving this chapter and can't wait for the next update! I'm sure James will have more spectacular ideas to make their lives a little more interesting. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it and I will work on adding more description.

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Review #55, by luvinpadfootThe Story of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris: Unspoken Words

21st July 2013:
Aw that was so sweet! I'm rooting for Isabelle and Filch almost despite myself. I wish her mother hadn't come in to interrupt them, although maybe it's best that Isabelle has a bit more time to admit her feelings to herself first.

I hope things don't get too bad with Isabelle's parents. Filch has already lost his original family, it would be so harsh for him to lose this one too, even if he's a servant and not really family. They're still all he has.

I'm hoping nothing else happens with Filch's real family, but won't his brother come looking for him? No one even cared about him a little? That makes me so sad for him. Even if he was a squib he was still family. They should still care a little.

Oh well, I'm still really enjoying this story. Everything about it is just so wonderful. Yet another great chapter! :)

Author's Response: I know, I found myself doing that too! Also, I think you're questions will be answered in the near future :) Good thoughts on the chapter! Thanks for writing so many reviews!!
-TheRandomGurlz


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Review #56, by luvinpadfootThe Story of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris: Grownup Stuff

21st July 2013:
Sometimes it's good to be reminded that Filch is only thirteen, still a kid in this story. I like that he was impressed by how sophisticated the conversation was, at thirteen I probably would have been too.

And the beginning seemed realistic with his age as well. After going through something so traumatic I'm sure Filch would have strange or even scary dreams.

And Isabelle so indignant over her mother thinking that she might fancy Filch was great! I still love everything you're doing with the characters. They seem so true to themselves, and they have for the whole story thus far.

I'm still eager to find out more about the secret conversation between the Wrights and to find out what happens to Filch! It's a really amazing story so far. :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it! Yes, sometimes I had to make sure he remained 13. It's often hard to try and imagine what Filch was like as a kid, but I pulled through :) Thanks for your reviews! I really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting!!
-TheRanomGurlz


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Review #57, by luvinpadfootThe Story of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris: Whispers in the Night

21st July 2013:
I am quite intrigued with this overheard conversation. Something big and dramatic must be happening, I can't wait to see what! And who is the mysterious "Sir Norris"? Since the cat's name is Mrs. Norris, I would presume he's rather important. I do wish she'd stayed to hear the rest of the conversation!

And I know I keep harping on this, but Isabelle really is the best. That little line about worrying over Filch making the sofa filthy when he was unconscious was just perfect. And the last line sounds just like a spoiled little girl who thinks she's so right all the time. I just adore it.

The only note I have is that Isabelle seemed rather hasty in feeling guilty about how she'd treated him. Maybe she acted like he was a bit of a dunce, but everything she said aloud to him was perfectly polite- all of the insults were in her head. But that's just a nitpicky thing and I'm not sure if it's even right.

Another great chapters! I love the descriptions in between the dialogue, you always have great prose and comment on the smallest details that add so much to the story- like Filch's snoring or Isabelle's white hands.

Author's Response: No, you're right. I did kind of rush into that a bit. I'll maybe have to stretch it out a bit more. Thanks for the suggestion!
-TheRandomGurlz


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Review #58, by luvinpadfootThe Story of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris: Never Loved

20th July 2013:
Poor Filch! It's awful that people are so mean to him for being a squib, I'm glad he's found the Wrights. I'd like to think that this story has a happy ending with him living as a muggle, but I find that one hard to believe. I am very interested to see how you get him from this to the man he is during Harry's years at Hogwarts.

The characterization continues to be brilliant! Isabelle especially is my favorite, both positive and negative aspects. It's funny how she thinks Filch is a simpleton who doesn't even remember his own name. I can't wait to see how that's going to develop, if she'll realize that he may be strange but not necessarily that uh troubled.

I can't believe Filch's mother just threw him out for getting a job! I thought she'd like something like that, that she'd think he was being less of a burden for her to feed and clothe. Not that I'm sorry he got out, maybe it'll be healthier for him to live somewhere else, such as with the Wrights.

Another great chapter, I'm really loving this story and so glad I found it!

Author's Response: Hello again, luvinpadfoot! I like how you're thinking through the chapters instead of just clicking the next button. Hopefully some of your questions will be explained in following chapters! Aw, I feel really bad for Argus, but I guess that's kind of my own fault, huh? :) Okay, It's getting late here and I'm starting to get tired. I'll check back in tomorrow if you've written further reviews. Thank you for being the awesome person you are and for reading my story!! Goodnight and happy reading!
-TheRandomGurlz


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Review #59, by luvinpadfootThe Story of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris: An Awkward Encounter

20th July 2013:
Filch seems so sweet with the cats! It's a whole new side of him and you've written it very well. Usually Filch just annoys me no matter the setting (although it tends to be at Hogwarts), but you've got me believing this and I find myself liking the guy.

I do enjoy Isabelle's character immensely, her little smugness at being the educated rich girl seems so real and just right, but coupled with her desire to befriend Filch anyway.

Another great chapter! And your prose continues to be wonderful! I'm loving it. :)

Author's Response: Hello and thank you for reviewing...again! I do agree with you, in the books and movies how the character Filch acted annoyed me too! But the point of my story is to show how he got to be that way. I needed to know why he acted like that- so I started writing this story!! Problem solved :) I'm glad you like what you've read so far!
-TheRandomGurlz


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Review #60, by luvinpadfootThe Story of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris: A Squib

20th July 2013:
Just the first chapter and already I can tell I'm really going to like this story! The characters seem so vivid at the beginning and I can't wait to see more of them! What's going to happen with Filch and Isabelle?

The first bit was really cute between Filch and Mrs. Norris. It's basically the same kind of thing from the series, but told from their point of view it's really sweet.

And Filch is one of those characters that I've never really thought about before. I mean, now putting some thought in it's pretty obvious he must have had a tragic background, but no one really talks about him. I commend you for taking on the task, and doing it so well to boot.

I'm going to enjoy reading this story! (Although I may not finish it tonight since it's already pretty long and kind of late here. So if you get random reviews from me over the next few days, that's why.)

Author's Response: Okay, I'll make sure check in and respond :) I am really glad that you like my story! It has been a struggle, but I guess it's paying off! Yes, I do believe the story may end up being fairly long, but I hope you stick with it! Also, if you think something doesn't make sense or maybe I messed up (because I'm sure I have) let me know and I'll see what I can do about it. A million thank-yous for reviewing!
-TheRandomGurlz


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Review #61, by luvinpadfootIce: A Queen

19th July 2013:
Ooh I like this! I haven't seen many one-shots that really paint Bellatrix, or Voldemort for that matter, in a more sympathetic light. And you did it really well too! Really, I was feeling sorry for Bella and usually I just hate her guts, no matter what's happened in her life.

I liked the bit with her and Sirius as kids especially. It seems like usually the feelings of the rest of his family are forgotten, that he wasn't the only one hurt when he was sorted into Gryffindor and his path was changed.

The last line was very powerful, and the idea that Bella could only be human again upon death intrigued me.

All in all I really enjoyed this story! Great characterization, really well written, and so original! Just brilliant! :)

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Review #62, by luvinpadfootWhere are you now?: Where are you now?

18th July 2013:
I think you wrote Snape wonderfully! He seemed so real and just like in canon, although younger no less cynical and bitter. I like that. I thought your interpretation is one of the closest to canon that I've read on this site, although Snape happens to be one of my favorite characters.

His story is just so heartbreaking and I feel for him every time he thinks about Lily. Lily always seemed to be the only thing that ever really meant anything to him and he ruined that for himself.

One thing I really enjoyed that not all stories with Snape do is that he took responsibility for what he said to Lily. Oftentimes he'll blame the Marauders, or Voldemort, or even the word mudblood itself, but in this story no matter how hard he tried it just seemed like he couldn't bring himself to do that. I think that was a very key part in this story.

And the last line just holds so much power, as last lines should. You wrote this story amazingly and I really loved every moment! Your Severus is absolutely brilliant!

Author's Response: He is a very cynical and bitter character, which is probably why I dislike him so much :P Aw thank you! All I could think of when I was writing him was how he would sneer at Harry and how possessive and obsessive he would be over Lily, things we can see from canon, so I'm glad that you think my characterisation is close to JK's!

It is a sad story (less so when I'm reminded of how much of a jerk he was to an 11 year old orphan boy he'd never met before) because he did lose the love of his life, and you gotta feel for the guy for that.

In his head, Snape knows that it is his fault. If he were conversing with someone else about the issue, he'd probably blame it on James, but he wasn't so, yeah, he blamed himself. Rightly so too :P

Thanks so much for your kind review :D I might write more Snape if I ever get the inspiration to again!


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Review #63, by luvinpadfootImpossible: Impossible

18th July 2013:
I've never heard the song before, but the story stood beautifully on its own. Everything just fit so well together and flowed nicely, starting with the abuse and leading into love, prejudice, and regret. I liked that there was a little bit of redemption in the end for Severus, that last time he saw Lily when it was like they forgave each other for everything that had happened.

His focus on the word mudblood and his refusal to use it again made my heartbreak. So much weight can fall on just two syllables and a few letters. And Severus blamed that for ruining his life, even though he said it of his own volition. It fits with his character, not wanting to fully take responsibility for his actions.

I teared up when he talked of trying to get her back and doing everything he could. Just once in one of these stories I'd like him to be able to get her back. Just once.

I thought it was very realistic how they both got sucked into the war of Slytherin vs Gryffindor and purebloods vs muggleborns and traitors. It seems like Hogwarts has a way of doing that.

Brilliant story and very well written! I'll definitely look up the song now. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, luvinpadfoot! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I feel that Sev is slightly insecure, because of his past, and that is why he blames other things rather than himself.
I feel awful for not giving them the happy ending I want to give them, but this way works better. I want a Slytherin guy to someday get a Gryffindor girl. But it rarely happens. *sigh*
At my school we seem to get caught up in the same kind of prejudices, but with 'populars' 'geeks' 'goths' and so on, so I put a little of that in. The people you had been friends with suddenly slip away from you, and you end up practically strangers.
Definitely listen to the song, it is really brilliant! And thank you again, it was nice to see that someone has read it! ;)
~Charlie


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Review #64, by luvinpadfootToday the World Ends: Today the World Ends

18th July 2013:
You hit all of my feels. All of them. I'm sitting here
trying to hold back the tears.

Poor Severus! I just want to hug him! That was so
sad! Not only was the love of his life marrying his
worst enemy, but that voice in his head was just
awful to him. And worse, it was true. That was the
best part of the story, no matter how hard it hit.
For all his talking about James Potter not deserving
Lily, it's important that he realizes that he might not
deserve her either. And I think that's something he
struggles without throughout the books which you
brought to light very well here.

And the bit about him serving the Dark Lord was
great too, just everything the little voice in his head
whispered was so perfect and so right. Poor
Severus.

I loved how at the beginning the world was ending
because Lily was marrying James, but at the end it's
ending because Severus realizes he doesn't deserve
her, that maybe he never did. It's so heartbreaking.

You wrote this story wonderfully! I really did adore
every word. Even though it made me cry. Lovely,
amazing story.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for being so in depth. It really helps when I am writing. And I am so glad you got it! The fourth paragraph! Thank you so much.

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Review #65, by luvinpadfootOpen Your Eyes: Open Your Eyes

18th July 2013:
I had to read this when I saw it was a Snow Patrol because I do love Snow Patrol and I'm so glad I did! This was beautifully written! I've never seen anything quite like it!

It was a really creative idea and you pulled it off brilliantly. Usually I'm pulling for Severus in these stories, but you had me conflicted. James just seemed like such a great guy, despite everything.

I loved that you had Severus call Lily a mudblood to protect her from him, instead of in anger. It really makes sense that he would have done that and that he's not such a bad guy. He really cares about her and that's why he said it. But it seemed so realistic that he almost wished it hadn't worked, that he still wanted her.

Okay, now onto the big thing. James thanked Severus for Lily? Yes please! That was perfect! I've never seen that written anywhere before and I adore it! Really, it was my favorite part of the story! Not only does James admit to needing help with Lily, but he acknowledges that in getting what he wanted Severus lost the most important thing in the world and that adds so much depth to both their characters. I have no words, that was just perfect.

This whole story was wonderful and I love it so much! You have a real talent and I hope you keep writing!

Author's Response: Wow, what an amazing message - thank you so, so much! :) I literally cannot describe how happy this review has made me; I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it...I completely agree with you - I always liked James waaay too much for him not to notice or appreciate how much Severus had given up for him and I never thought that Severus could be that cruel so I really thought it was time to try and write something which fitted with that... But I'm never too sure about these one-offs because normally I prefer writing about Remus and/or Sirius so it's amazing to have such a lovely review. Thank you so much, you've made my day! xx

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Review #66, by luvinpadfootUnspoken: Unspoken

18th July 2013:
Oh. Oh wow. That was just amazing. Everything was so perfect and sad. Severus and Lily are one of my favorite ships and to just see them loving each other so much but finding themselves undeserving of the other's love hurt so much. They were almost there, almost to admitting their feelings.

You handled everything beautifully from the dual point of views to the abuse and the feeling that they were undeserving, both of them. It just all seemed so real. Too real. I was sucked in from the first word.

And that last line from Severus stung so much, that he was glad Lily was his friend. I can only imagine how saying that must have hurt them both.

You descriptions were lovely, especially about the rain when you wrote that it "tattooed the roof in unintelligible morse code" and was "rain-kissed". It was all so beautiful and fit in so well with the scene. It was as bittersweet as their feelings for each other, so beautiful and true but never to see the light of day.

You've evoked so much emotion from me in this piece. It was flawless in every way, I honestly can't think of one critique for you. Wonderful, amazing story! You're an incredibly talented writer!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am not really a Severus/Lily shipper, but I wondered what could have happened if she had cared for him before he ruined it with his Death Eater interests. I appreciate your lovely review so much!~GW

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Review #67, by luvinpadfootThe perks of being a Lilyflower: First dates

18th July 2013:
Remus is such a great friend, bringing up Sirius's bad date when he's all worried about his first real date with Karen. I think everyone's got a few friends who tease them like that. And speaking of their date, it's so cute how both of them have dated before but they're still really nervous about this one. It shows how much they mean to each other even so early on, which I love.

Debbie's advice was a bit awkward, I'm not surprised Karen thought it was weird. Debbie must be one strange girl.

Aw it's so cute that she's the first girl he's ever brought to the Shrieking Shack! I really liked that. Usually Sirius is portrayed as a hardcore player, but I like the little things in this story that show he wasn't. There's a difference between dating a few girls and being a player. I love the distinction in this story.

Oh I've come to the end of the chapters! That's so sad! I'm really looking forward to more so please update soon! I'm enjoying this story so much!

I can't wait to see how Sirius reacts to Karen's costume. Well, how all the boys react to the girls' costumes. And I really do want more Severus! He's been sadly lacking the last few chapters. Please update! I'm desperate for more!

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Review #68, by luvinpadfootThe perks of being a Lilyflower: Back to Hogsmead

18th July 2013:
Karen really is Sirius's perfect girl, isn't she? That was brilliant how she just picked up the devil dress and moved on in her life. That was right and she needed no further discussion. Although all the girls' costumes sound really cute!

The joke James made about Karen's bum made me laugh. Boys do seem to be like that a lot to each other, best way to get your friend to snap out of it!

I hope Nancy gets Peter's attention with the mouse costume! I like her, she seems a little more soft spoken than Karen and I'm really rooting for her.

I can't wait to read more about Severus! I have to admit, he's my favorite character. Especially the way you write him! Your characterization is still really strong and has stayed steady through the four chapters. It's definitely my favorite aspect of the story! You've done brilliant at it!

There were a couple of grammatical mistakes in this chapter that I didn't notice in the others. Nothing huge, but just might need a little edit to fix up (things like new instead of knew and such, like I said no big deal but you might want to check out the chapter and fix it up).

Still adoring it!

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Review #69, by luvinpadfootThe perks of being a Lilyflower: Big surprises

18th July 2013:
Oh the beginning just made me so mad! I can't believe James just humiliated Severus in front of the whole school like that (well, I can, but that doesn't make it any less horrible). I don't blame Lily one bit for slapping him because he fully deserved it.

And even though he got upset I don't really feel at all sorry for him. It was his own fault, after all. I do like it when James starts changing for the better in these stories. At the moment he just seems like a big bully.

I like how Sirius and Karen have settled into their relationship so quickly. It seems like that one was a long time coming, even if the story has just begun. And he really does seem like the type to call his girlfriend babes haha!

I love how Lily got so concerned over needing James's forgiveness. That seems like such typical Lily behavior, even though James doesn't really deserve it yet. She still wants to be the goody two shoes.

I still think these could be a bit longer with the same amount of action, just slow down the scenes and add in a bit more description and thoughts from the characters. But that's just a small thing because I'm still loving this story!

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Review #70, by luvinpadfootThe perks of being a Lilyflower: Old Enemies

18th July 2013:
It's so cute the way they all each other Kaz and Bevs! I love it when friends have nicknames for each other. And oh Sirius. It's never good to stick your elbow in hummus when you're trying to aska girl out. Nancy's little comment made me laugh so hard when he kissed Karen.

Poor Severus. I really do feel bad for him that the Marauders treat him so badly. I know things never end well, but I can't help hoping that he somehow ends up with Lily. At the beginning of Marauder's stories James always seems so mean and Severus is just lovely.

I still adore the way you're writing all the characters. They seem so real! I could just imagine each of them walking off the page! I can't wait to see what happens with the other three girls and the guys they like. Is Lily going to like Severus before James, or just go straight to her future husband?

One little formatting note, often people create separate paragraphs whenever a new character speaks just to make things easier to read. Is just a tiny thing, though.

I love what I've read of this story so far!

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Review #71, by luvinpadfootThe perks of being a Lilyflower: Returning to Hogwarts

18th July 2013:
Ooh a great first chapter! I really like what you've got so far. A few notes:

Nitpicky thing first- Snape's father was actually a muggle and his mother was a pureblood (although you know if I'm making nitpicky comments like that I really must be liking what I'm reading).

Second, it seems a little short and almost cutoff, especially the way the dialogue flows into the prose. You could really take what you've got know and just expand it a little, let it flow a little more naturally instead of being so quick.

But I love the characterization! Lily is great and I like the way her friends treat her, wanting to give her a makeover. I've had quite a few friends like that and they can be rather pushy.

The way Snape stumbled over the word mudblood seemed perfect, I could imagine that being canon it was so realistic! You seem to have a great idea of your characters and I can't wait to see what else you do with them!

I do feel bad about the ending though, poor Snape. No matter what he did he didn't deserve to be so cruelly bullied by the Marauders.

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Review #72, by luvinpadfootShattered Infinity: Marked for Destruction

18th July 2013:
I think you hit me straight in all my Severus/Lily feels. Wow. That was just a beautiful story. And this is one of the few stories that seems to actually be made better by it's brief length. You really did make every word count.

I loved the line about Severus calling Harry "his" son instead of their son. That was perfect in context, exactly like canon Severus would. In fact that whole paragraph surrounding that phrase was my favorite, everything about Lily being branded and Severus's darkest days. It was truly beautiful prose.

I don't know if this was intentional (I'm pretty sure it was because it was brilliant) but the challenge you wrote it for and the fact that you specifically kept it at 500 words worked so amazingly with the last line, about all the words in their infinite combinations not being enough. (Another beautiful line of prose, but I'm just gushing.)

Honestly I could gush over every word in every paragraph because they all seemed painstakingly chosen, but I won't. A lovely one-shot, I enjoyed every second I spent reading it! It was so beautifully wrought with sadness, just perfection.

Author's Response: Awww, I'm sorry that I hurt your feels! (Even though you left this review ages ago and I'm only just now responding to it--I'm a bad person...)

Yes, I figured that Snape saw Harry as James' fault more than Lily's, simply because of his dislike of Harry from the books. Thank you so much for thinking that my writing was beautiful! I really try to make it so. :)

No... I actually didn't mean to be so symbolic with this story--the last line was actually the first one that I thought of for the story, and it all came from there. It is a little ironic that the story's length sort of complements that line.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for reviewing all those months ago. I really appreciate your kind words and thoughts, even though it took me four months to respond. *sheepish grin*

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #73, by luvinpadfootCruel Intentions: Colors

16th July 2013:
Ooh another great chapter! In fact I liked this one even better! (Sorry this is late, I sometimes forget to check when my favorites have been updated. And while I'm in parentheses I need to apologize for thinking her name was Jessica. I don't know why I thought that. It's obviously Ellie.)

I'm really liking this story a lot! Ellie's really interesting, for all her friends think she's not a color. And the other characters are just as vivid. I'm looking forward to more of Wood and the twins, I'm sure they'll try to sabotage her somehow.

I like the tripping in heels bit. That was funny and so, so true. Everyone's done. We just all hope we've done it privately haha!

I'm interested to see how Ellie is going to get to Alicia's definition of a color- and who she's going to hook up with. Maybe some Ellie/Oliver is in the future? Maybe that's just me making stuff up. It'd be interesting though.

I'm really curious to know what happens at the party! It sounds like it could be exciting to say the least. Please don't keep us in suspense for too long! It's just torture, I want to know what's happening with Ellie and the bet!

I'm definitely Team Ellie. Just to prove that people can be whoever they want. And I'd have no problem with what the boys would have to do if they lost. ;) Granted I'm only reading it, but still.

I really do love this story! It's so good and you're such a great writer! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!! haha and i'm sure we've all had that embarrassing moment where we face plant in heels, i know i have.

i'm not really sure whats going to happen between Oliver and Ellie. Idk if i want them to go somewhere or not. You'll see in the next chapter exactly what women mean to Oliver and idk if i should have him change or not... choices, choices.

haha i also might change what the boys have to do if they lose, but i don't have any ideas unfortunately. :(
you have any??

now i'm only waiting for the next chapter to be validated, it was rejected once for fowl language, go figure right? but it should be up pretty soon!!

xCriglerx


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Review #74, by luvinpadfootBrutal Love: Memories

16th July 2013:
Aw I hope Emily's okay. She does seem like she's been hurting a lot over everything that's been happening with them. Maybe the honeymoon will help her a bit, and Scorpius too of course.

I have two small critiques for the story in general and I think I've mentioned both before, one is that sometimes things seem to pass by really quickly, especially like in this scene with the drugs and Emily being too thin. I think it could be so much better if you slowed it down and spent some time describing certain bits.

The other critique is just that a lot of the time Scorpius and Emily seem to be the only two characters. Like they'll mention other people and sometimes Lucius or someone else will pop up, but oftentimes it's just the two of them and I think a few more characters could help.

But I'm really enjoying this story! Sorry I haven't reviewed in a bit and then all of a sudden review spam, was distracted and forget to check to see when it's updated. But I do love it! It's one of my favorite stories and I'm looking forward to seeing what else happens to Scorpius and Emily!

Author's Response: Oh wow that really was review spam! Haha I'm glad though :)
I don't like the time flow either, but at the minute I'm lacking inspiration for events in between the main plot points. I'll probably add some in later.
The drugs thing comes to a head in the next few chapters, I'm just trying to re write the next one because it got rejected, and I'm having trouble with it. There is definitely a happy ending though, I promise :)
Also to the point of other characters, they rejoin their friends in the next few chapters, because they have been on their own and that definitely hasn't been helping Emily at all, she's one of those people that likes company. But I might add some more company filler chapters to thicken it out a bit later on, just so it doesn't seem to jumpy.
I'm really very glad that you like it, it's my first fanfic and it's far from perfect, but I like getting suggestions to make it better :)


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Review #75, by luvinpadfootBrutal Love: An Eventful Anniversary

15th July 2013:
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that to happen! This isn't going to turn into a drug problem for them, will it? They seemed too smart at Hogwarts to get into things like that. But I'm glad they seem to be okay for the moment at least. I am intensely curious about what's going to happen with this new plotline.

And is Emily going to get pregnant again? It seems like a possibility and like a baby might make them happy, although they are still only teenagers. Sometimes I forget how young they are.

I think I'd like to see a little more interaction with their friends and family. Since they left Hogwarts and had their wedding it's mostly just been them alone. Being around other people would be interesting for the story.

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