I did like the way it turned out! Sometimes the girl running away from the kiss can be a bit cliche, but it fit so well in here. I can just imagine all she's thinking, with the drama between her parents and her sister and Sisi, and now she has to deal with James drama too. I feel kind of bad for her, but at least things are starting to look up.
I was a little surprised about Sisi's eating disorder, but I can't wait to see what develops with it. James is a great guy, but he's not exactly the sensitive type. It'll be interesting to see how he deals with it.
The teasing of Charlie at the beginning made me laugh. That's a great description of him. That whole scene was hilarious!
I can't wait to see where you take James and Charla's relationship! They're so cute together, but I don't want to see their great friendship ruined either! Another fantastic chapter!
(And sorry this review is shorter. I've been a bit busy and didn't want to neglect your story entirely!)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing again, it's nice to hear what people think and edit with advice! I wasn't happy with how Sisi's eating disorder was put in the story but I needed to fit it in with this chapter, but I've edited slightly and hope it improves a little. I hope you enjoy the next few chapters which will be released very soon!
~Char Report Review
Somehow I missed the update on the last chapter, but I'm glad I noticed this one. This story is so funny! I love Molly whining about all this stuff, it just cracks me up.
I am looking forward to the plot, though. It's hilarious, but I'm eager to actually see what else happens with Molly and Moth.
And what are classes going to be like? I can't imagine how you go about teaching Quidditch and Transfiguration to a bunch of squibs. Well, one idea, but it's so horrible I'd prefer not to think about it...
I'm glad Molly is at least making friends with Moth even if nothing else seems to be going her way. Great story! Definitely looking forward to more!Author's Response: Hello :)
Oh thank you! Molly kind of writes herself (it's worrying!) Yes - there is a plot! It will involve both Molly and Moth... but that's all I'm saying. ;)
Haha - it sounds like you're going in the right direction! Please, feel free to share! :D Transfiguration is coming in the next chapter... shortly followed by Quidditch. ;) All lessons will be covered at some point... with their own squib twist. :D
Thank you so much for taking the time to read Outcast and review! Keira :) Report Review
Ooh, a good beginning! I love AU stories about the Potter family when Lily, Al, and James aren't their only kids. It really livens it up!
I liked the brief introductions in the first chapter. All of the kids make me smile. And this scene at the hospital was cute. It's sometimes hard to remember that right now James Potter would just be a little boy! :)
Great beginning! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Report Review
I wonder what else is happening with the Wood family. It sounds like more than just a nasty divorce, especially if Char's getting upset about it. What's the deal with Oliver at the Ministry? The curiosity is killing me, I can't wait for more!
And I'm glad Charla isn't hurting herself like Rory is. That would be too sad for words, although I'm not quite sure she really can handle it better. I'm glad she has James to lean on.
I love that their relationship seems to be progressing! It's so slow and natural, nothing at all seemed forced. I could see this happening in real life. For all the drama surrounding their lives, the relationship itself seems so sweet and perfect.
James's jealousy and reaction to his father was great. I believed every moment of it and it really makes his character deeper. It's obvious he loves his family, but when Al doesn't even care about Quidditch the jealousy is perfect. It adds a whole new dynamic to James and his relationship with his family that I'm eager to see played out. Especially more with Harry.
A few misspellings that I noticed, but nothing major. The other thing that bothered me just a little was the bedroom situation. I can't see parents letting them share a bedroom, no matter how mature they are. But that's just me.
I only really have one suggestion for this chapter and that's to work on the adults. Especially in the letter Ginny sent James, she didn't sound very much like an adult. Just listen to how adults talk and try to emulate that in your writing. It might be more noticeable because your voices for the teenagers are so perfect and hers isn't quite there. The dialogue between the adults seems better, but the letter just read like a teenager.
The characters are all so thought out and well developed. I know I say this almost every chapter, but it's true! They're the best parts of this story. I love reading about everything they're going through because they seem so real!
Such a splendid chapter! I love the way all the different elements are heating up! Obviously I'm excited for the next chapter. :) Still loving it, just like always! Report Review
Aw, such a sweet ending! Even after everything they did he still walked his daughter down the aisle at her wedding. :) That was so happy.
I assume from the story info that this was meant to be Oliver and his daughter? I kind of like that it was mostly kept anonymous though. It made it that much better.
Such a great little read! I thoroughly enjoyed it!Author's Response: i am really glad you liked it! the characters were mainly hidden because i wanted to show a more father daughter feel then anything else :)
This is one of my favorite chapters so far. I love how you threaded all of their lives in together. Sisi, Dom, Char, Rory, Fred, and James. And the Umbridge/Devil reincarnate. It didn't feel like there were that many different plots jammed in together and it flowed really well!
The ending shocked me. Well, shocked may be a little strong, but I didn't expect Sisi to be upset. It's really made me wonder why she was crying, what happened. Is it something to do with her little sister? Or Fred? Or something else entirely? I'm looking forward to hearing more about her.
That line at the end about their lives falling apart- let me find it. "It wasn't just Charlie's life that was falling apart this year. It was everyone's." I love that line. It's definitely my favorite so far. I think it captured what's going on in the story perfectly.
The little part with Rory made me so happy. I like that she seems to be doing well which I know isn't as dramatic or exciting, but it's hard to hope for anything different when she's involved.
This chapter has made me feel sorry for Dom in a way that the others haven't. It's done a great job in capturing that she feels hurt and betrayed, even though she's the one playing most of the pranks thus far. She's a really great antagonist because she is so complex.
The Char/James relationship continues to be cute. I agree with the other reviewer, she's going to have to be the one to say something because James is acting way too scared! Haha! It's so funny that he acts all tough, but he can't admit feelings for one girl. I love reading about their interactions.
You continue to write James's voice wonderfully! His character shines through so well, as do the others. The characters are the best thing about this story. I'm so invested in their lives and stories because you write them so well!
As always I can't wait to read more! Another wonderful chapter! :DAuthor's Response: Wow I'm glad you like the chapter, I really wasn't that happy with it, but if you think it flowed well that was really my main worry. Yes, the other reviewer seemed pretty intruiged by Sisi's problems, hmm. I love Rory and James, they are such lovely people to write about because they both have easy characters to portray. Thanks again for the review, hopefully the next few will be updated just as quickly because they are all ready and written and only need to be Validated.
~Char Report Review
Yay! A speedy chapter! :D
Oh god, the Umbridge reincarnate makes me laugh so hard! I love how James and the others are making her as crazy as possible. I can see more hi jinks in the future for them. Will they drive her as crazy as Harry drove the real Umbridge with the centaurs? That would be hilarious.
What else are they going to be doing to here? And how is she going to punish them? I have a feeling James is going wind up with a whole lot of detentions...
And the only thing I could think about when you described her was AVPS's Umbridge. HAHA!
Gryffindor really is dominant at Quidditch! Wow! Of course James wants to be the star so Al can't catch the snitch too soon. That's so typical of his character. He really can be an arrogant bloke sometimes, can't he?
The plot here was kind of ish and a little dull as with most filler chapters, but I loved your characterization of Al. I hope there will be some more of him in the rest of the story! James was spot on about Al secretly liking playing seeker. I could definitely see that. Lily was also a bit funny, especially about why she was late and James's reaction to it.
Aw! The scene with James and Char was adorable! It's so cliche how the guy gives the girl his sweater, but it never stops being sweet! I bet it doesn't take Char much longer to see that James secretly loves her.
I still love James's inner commentary on everything that happens around him! Who knew he had such a potty mouth? Haha, it seems like the Umbridge reincarnate brings out the worst in him.
I'm really looking forward to the next chapter! Great job, as usual! You've got amazingly vivid characters and I'm looking forward to seeing more Dom/Char fights!Author's Response: Yes this chapter was very ish, out of all the ones I've written it has been my least favourite but as you are probably aware, it was necessary to show all the characters. I hope the next chapter isn't too bad but it's also a little disjointed. However all the chapters after that really improve and, the plot gets more interesting.
I'm glad you seen to like all the characters, I wasn't so sure if I got them how other people imagined them but this was how I imagined them.
Thanks for reading and reviewing every chapter, it really means a lot!
~Char Report Review
Ooh, another great chapter! Horatio was so funny! I know it's a serious situation for Louis, but everything that came out of his mouth had me cracking up. I had to pause a few times I was laughing so hard!
I feel really bad for Louis. It's so strange getting this from the guy's point of view. Normally I'd be angry at the guy and pitying the girl, but now I'm kind of mad at Freya for putting Louis in the position of keeping it a secret. Very strange...
Dunk Dom and Victoire were perfect comic relief. Of course they're the ones who manage to put a smile on Louis's face.
Such a lovely chapter! I can't wait for more!
*munches cookies*Author's Response: I'm so glad that you're enjoying this story, and I'm glad that you liked Horatio he's the bit of humour that Louis needs right now haha.
That's what I was hoping this story to do so to hear that it's making you think that pleases me, Freya just needs a lot of help haha, more things happen that will make you angrier at her later on.
I'm glad that you liked Dom and Victoire they always manage to cheer up Louis.
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Report Review
I feel really bad for Char. Dom too, a little, but it's easier to have sympathy for Char who really hasn't done much wrong (except snap at Dom for something minor). They seem like they would be such good friends too and that makes me sad.
I'm glad Rory's making friends. I hope she'll be even happier in the coming chapters. She's so sweet and adorable and James is cute when he worries about her.
The Quidditch try outs were very well done! I was hoping Dom wouldn't get the spot, which I know is mean but Char deserved it more. What James said about why he gave it to her was so perfect, she did want to more. It seems mean to give it to the person who wanted it out of spit.
That prank Dom played was just so cruel! I can't believe she would do that! It didn't hurt only Char, it hurt Sisi as well. No wonder James is angry at her as well. I hope they don't play many more pranks on each other. It just seems so mean of them! Although I couldn't really blame Char if she wanted to get revenge.
And James loves Char! I knew it! It's so cute how Sisi told him before he could admit it to himself! That scene was written so perfectly! And he loves her 'a little bit'. Mhmm, sure it's a only a little bit. ;)
I don't really have any constructive criticism for this chapter. Maybe slow it down a little or some more description? I love James's inner thoughts and the dialogue is brilliant! Freddie's crack about the girls PMSing made me laugh so hard!
I hope we'll have more Rory and James/Char moments in the next few chapters. I'm really looking forward to them! This is such a great chapter and story!Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it, it means a lot to me that you've reviewed all the chapters so thanks a lot for that! Your right, Dom's being kind of mean, and Rory is lovely, she's not a big part but she's one of my favourites. The next few chapters have been written so hopefully they will be up very soon. Thanks again for all the positive-ness!
~Char Report Review
Haha this is a great story! Amber and Carla really make an awesome pair! Carla's pranks really make me crack up and Amber's history intrigues me. I know her father's a death eater, but what else happened?
And Carla's nightmares- what causes them? (Besides the obvious answer of her father's absence, of course.) They're both interestingly complex characters and I can't wait to see more of them!
Are the trio going to be in this at all? It would be interesting to see them from an outsider's point of view. I assume Amber isn't a fan, but other than that I honestly haven't got a clue!
I love that you guys are alternating chapters and characters, it really adds a lot to the story and it's such an original idea. I don't think I've ever seen it done before.
I really can't wait to read more and see what House Amber's in! It's a great idea for a story! Looking forward to more updates! =)Author's Response: Thanks, so glad you like it so far :) don't worry, the golden trio definitely makes an appearence. Report Review
Aw it was great! I am sad that they didn't end up together, though. I think from about the third chapter I was pretty sure they wouldn't, but there was always a little hope that something would change.
I wonder what Rose told Keegan when she got back to school. Did they ever break up? And what about the next summer when she came home? Did she see Henry again?
Ahh! So many questions, haha. I'm probably bugging you. But yeah, it was a brillliant story. You really captured the emotions perfectly for both Henry and Rose (but especially Henry).
Often children of alcoholic characters seem a bit too dramatized or overdone, but Henry was absolutely perfect, relatable even though I've never experienced anything like his situation.
You've done a wonderful job with this story and I enjoyed it thoroughly! Such a bittersweet ending, but it fit so well. =) Just brilliant.Author's Response: Hi there! Sorry it has taken me so long to reply! I have been out of town and without my computer :( But, thank you so much for this lovely review! It really means a lot to me that you thought that it was plausible and believable and everything! I love Henry and Rose but no matter what, I never saw their relationship working out! I am glad you thought the same! Keegan and Rose broke up at the end of the 6th chapter, but I never really went into much detail about it, so I might edit that later! Haha, sorry for the confusion!
I am glad that you didn't think that Henry was over dramatized! I was really working on keeping my characters interesting but down-to-earth as well, so this means so much to me!
I am really glad you liked it, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It really inspires me.
~AlwaysSev Report Review
Hahaha! Freddie makes me laugh so hard! He's got to be one of the greatest supporting characters ever! He's only been with Claire for like a day and he's already on to Sisi! It's hilarious to read.
I like the introduction of the new characters, especially Sisi and her sister. They seem really interesting and like they'll add more to the plot. I wonder if Sisi and Freddie really are meant to be, or if she's just another crush...
Every new detail of Aurora and Char's lives is so fascinating! I can't believe Rory got expelled from Beauxbatons, she's such a sweet kid! It does make a lot of sense, though. I feel so bad for her with all that bullying! I hope Hogwarts does turn out to be better for her.
James and Char's relationship is so adorable! I love how obvious it is, yet it doesn't seem at all cliche. I can't wait to see more! They're going to make the cutest couple, I just know it.
And oh, the Umbridge Reincarnate! That's a great idea! It's so clever I can't wait to see what else you do with her.
The only suggestion I have is to keep an eye on your verb tenses. You slipped from past to present and back again in this chapter.
Another great update! I love this story so much and I'm really looking forward to more! =DAuthor's Response: Yup I realised the tenses thing after I posted, so hopefully I will be able to change it very soon! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and your updates have been really encouraging, so thanks for that! Enjoy the next chapter when it comes out!
~Char Report Review
This was so powerful! I didn't expect that in only the first chapter!
I do think it's interesting that with all the teen pregnancy stories there are so few from the guy's POV. That makes this story all the more interesting! I'm so excited to see where you go with it.
Louis seems like a good boyfriend and Freya so sweet, which makes me wonder why he might be raising their child alone. What's going to happen when their parents find out? And is Louis going to be expelled?
It's so great! I can't wait for more!Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you :D
I know, I've never read any myself so that's why I thought to write this story and make it different to all the other teen pregnancy strories I have read.
Louis and Freya's relationship is going to change a lot in this story, I want to answer your questions so much but I can't without giving everything away haha. The next chapter should be put in the queue soon :-D
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Report Review
I decided to take you up on the suggestion of reading some of your other Druna stories. They were on of the first pairings I looked up on this site and I haven't read many good ones in a while. =)
And this one was just great! Harry and Ron's reactions to their marriage seemed sooo realistic. They always treated Malfoy like that at school and Luna's response made me laugh.
The kiss was just too funny. I could practically see the shock on the trio's faces (except Hermione, of course, she always was the brains). =)
And the way you tied all their different stories together in a story about Luna was splendid! All of their characters and own back stories were fantastic with the rest of the story!
I loved this story. It's always great to read a light and romantic Druna, instead of the dark, angsty ones (although they can be great too). =DAuthor's Response: Aw thank you so much! You just made my day! :D I really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked this, if you like more Druna the first chapter of my novel is out, just so you know! Thanks again! XD Report Review
I like this delving into Sirius's family. It's refreshing to see at least one of them portrayed with a sense of humanity. And the way he helped his son was just so very sweet.
It was especially lovely with the section at the end from Sirius. It's almost to easy to imagine he had them all considered evil, pureblood fanatics and I like that his father surprised him.
Sirius always seemed like too quick a judge of people so this one-shot is fantastic. I really enjoyed every moment of reading it! =)Author's Response: thanks so much for your review! this one-shot was definitely one of my favorites to write because i think the House of Black is just so interesting! im glad that you liked it! (:
sirius had to get his charms, good looks, and kind heart from SOMEWHERE and it definitely wasnt from walburga xD
thanks so much again! (: Report Review
I remember Tracey a bit from the books, but I love this one-shot because she's often forgotten and not written about. And I'm really glad you had some of the Slytherins come back and fight, like Tracey did. It really made the story great. =)
Millicent made me laugh when she tried to charge Tracey. I remember her doing the exact same thing to Hermione in the books. It was a brilliant addition!
And the ending was of course so sweet. =) It was beautiful to see Tracey meet up with her parents again. Lovely story! =)Author's Response: Tracey is a minor Slytherin, so we have leeway. I don't think she really showed up but she's become a fascination of mine, so I enjoy writing her. Thanks for the review Report Review
I feel so bad for her. Fred is the boy she's in love with, yes? It was a tad confusing, but I absolutely loved the story. I couldn't help but wonder why she didn't go to Fred and break up with James, if they were indeed dating.
The relationship between Roisia and Freddie was so cute. They really did seem meant to be and I was pulling for them to be together. She really deserved it.
Regardless, it was a very sweet and lovely story. A well deserved 10/10! =)Author's Response: She and James weren't dating, she thought she loved James but it was really Fred. It's meant to be a little confusing so people can make their minds up about what they think should happen but I think I'm going to tie it in with my other story so it links a little bit.
Thanks for the review!
~Char Report Review
Aw, it wasn't too short! It was just the perfect amount, and sweet too. First kiss scenes are always the sweetest to write.
Oh Luna made me laugh so hard. I was seriously cracking up when she interrupted them. It's so typical of her to do something like that. I'm almost surprised she didn't warn them about nargles or some other such nonsense!
Their argument at the beginning was very well done. The dialogue was quite good and didn't feel at all forced or awkward. It seemed very real, which is difficult in dramatic arguments. I could picture them perfectly in my head from your descriptions.
Such a lovely one-shot! It made me go 'Awww!' just the perfect amount! =) Nothing's better than a well written Harry/Ginny.Author's Response: Thanks! Sorry for the slow response! This review means so much to me!!! Originally I had Ron interrupting them, but I couldn't get it to seem right, so I put in Luna instead!! It seems like I made a good choice! Thanks again! Report Review
Aw, I always wondered what happened to Pansy. So many fics have her portrayed in such a negative way, I'm glad you wrote this. It only begs the question of what's to come?
And even though the story is more about Draco and Pansy, Scorpius's relationship with his father is so sweet and open. It's what really stood out to me, the way Scorpius felt he could say almost anything to Draco without fear of embarrassment or punishment. You wrote that really well.
And of course it leaves me begging for more! What happened after? Did Draco and Pansy get together? What about Georgina and Scorpius?
Eee! So many questions! It takes a really great story to leave me so curious. =)Author's Response: Thank you for such a nice review :) really appreciate it! I was not going to go any further with that story but I might consider it now!! Report Review
Haha! That seems a bit uncharacteristic of Lily, but I love Snape's reaction to it! They're so adorable as a couple, even when you know what happens later on.
I especially enjoy the parallels between this stick and the Marauders Map- Harry and Snape had such similar reactions before discovering what they truly were! It really cracked me up. =)
And I wonder if Lily ever told James about his broom...
Lovely story! A perfect little piece of fluff!Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. I wrote it for a friend who is my Snape, if I am his Lilly. So that may be the uncharacteristic part of Lily. I'm glad you liked it.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Ooh, I've never read a Harry/Hermione before and you pulled it off quite well! You actually had me believing in their relationship, which is always an accomplishment. The two characters, as you had them written, actually fit very well together in a romantic sense!
And the plot was cute as well. The two of them working together just made the whole thing seem very sweet. =) I'm sure they make an adorable couple.
I love how it's so subtle at first that we almost don't know it's a Harry/Hermione, and then hints are dropped and it becomes clear. It was genius the way you did that!
So fantastic story! I think it stands alone quite well as a one-shot and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!Author's Response: Thanks! I've never had such a positive review before :) I've had a few ideas about how they would tell Ron... but I'm not sure if I'll post it or not. Thanks again! Report Review
Aw, it was such a sweet ending to such a sad story! I was almost in tears at the beginning when Luna found the dead, but Draco's entrance made me smile. It was great!
The only note I have would be to slow it down a bit. There could be more description, more of her pain visible to us, and then more of her reunion with Draco. Not to sound greedy, but it's so good I want more! =)
I never really thought of Fred and Luna knowing each other, but it doesn't sound too odd. They would definitely be the kind of people who would get along, especially in the way that you've written Luna.
And aw! Draco came back for her! I just love that bit of the story so much. It was truly wonderful! =)Author's Response: Thank you! Aw thanks, yeah I had to sort of rush this since I didn't have much time, but maybe you could read my other stories for more? Thank you so much, you made my day! :D Report Review
This is a great first chapter! The syntax is really great as an introduction, the stilted way she talks about her family. It's all so lovely together!
I'm very excited to see what happens next in the story. You've hit one thing on the nail. We know about all the Dumbledores except Ariana.
You've used this to your advantage very well in the first chapter as we still know next to nothing about her.
As I said above, the syntax is truly breath taking. Any other format would not have been as powerful. The repetition in the syntax structure, especially towards the end, does nothing but add to the mystery of Ariana.
It's a terrific first chapter and I can't wait to see where you take this! =)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that I got that 'Ariana is mysterious' thing right. Report Review
That's so sad! I almost cried for Olivia. The only mistake she made was falling in love with the wrong person and she had to die for it.
I loved the bit at the beginning where he said that it wasn't his name. Presumably she called him Tom. That was the point of no return for him, I think.
It was real incite into his character, much better than seeing him as a cold man who had never loved a soul other than himself.
Such a great story! A well deserved 10/10! Report Review
Poor Sirius! =( He deserves so much more than just a brief fling. The ending made me want to cry for him.
It was such a great idea to have him in almost the category as Snape, always in love with Lily and blaming himself for her death.
You portrayed him so well as conflicted between his true love and his best friend. Him choosing his best friend (kind of) was a great sacrifice on his part.
Lovely story! Truly amazing!Author's Response: I know! Sirius, though he did some terrible things in his youth, deserved a girl as great as Lily.
Thank you very much for all your nice words. I think my head's getting bigger :P Report Review
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