Reading Reviews From Member: luvinpadfoot
631 Reviews Found

Review #1, by luvinpadfootFallen Redemption: Letter

6th August 2014:
I just found this story and I'm so addicted! The plot is really intriguing. I love a good Voldemort won the war AU and this is definitely up there with my favorites. I don't think I've ever read anything quite like it. I also think the basic plot about him thinking the trio is dead and them all coming together in the end is very authentic to the nature of the books. It just seems like something that would happen in this universe, even AU.

Draco's character too seems right. I can imagine he'd be one to grow up a little in the years after the war, but still never come all the way around, like how he's so willing to kill people who might betray him. He feels very in character throughout, especially since we never actually saw the change. I could see him turning into this Draco easily.

I have to admit, I'm really shipping Hermione/Ron in this since he turned up alive, but any way it ends up I don't think it'd bother me too much because the story is so good even without that. The scene when he came back was so perfect and I was so surprised! I honestly believed he had died and getting tricked like that is one of the things I love in these type of stories. The possibility for happiness is still there! :)

I know it's been a long while since you updated this story, but wow I'm loving it and it'd be so great if you came back and added more. I really want to know what happens next, especially with Harry just waking up. :D This whole thing was just so much fun to read and I want more! :)

 Report Review

Review #2, by luvinpadfootForever Young: One

3rd August 2014:
This was very much not what I was expecting from the quote and the title. Wow. Such sadness! You really tied the line in so well to the story and filled it with a bittersweet tone. It works so well because James was immature and needed to grow up so haha that must be funny, and then you hit us so hard with the grave and the ending. Wow that was a powerful ending. It started out kind of light, but to bring us back to the first line and then the last line was wow. You hit the emotions right on the head. Wow. I know I keep saying wow, but I don't know what else to say about that. I'm kind of speechless it was so good.

The descriptions in the photographs were so beautiful! My favorite line was "The rusty autumn leaves are swept up in a graceful dance with the wind before settling on the marble set into the ground." The painted such a beautiful picture in my mind, even though it was the saddest photograph by far. It was written so poetically. They were all just wonderful.

You also captured the idea of movement so well, even in just the short glimpses we can see of wizarding photographs. There's action, but it's limited to a few second loop and you showed that so well in your writing, like the focus was more the people than their actions. Harry doesn't watch it like a movie so it felt like photographs, if that makes sense. I think it can be hard to describe them like that and it's really impressive that you managed it.

I know it was about James, and in part Lily, but I think you portrayed the relationship between James and Sirius really well. In the second photograph especially, Lily is there, but the focus is on James pouring the punch on Sirius's head. Since this was about James and not just both of his parents, I think that was a great choice. For all that he loved Lily, James and Sirius were closer than brothers.

And James's characterization on its own was brilliant here. As a reader we can really feel his mischievousness and how people could want him to grow up and stop acting so immature. That makes Harry's plight even sadder. I could just see him staring at those photographs thinking 'jeez Dad, won't you ever grow up?' and then realizing no, in fact, because he can't. You had us as readers feeling the same thing as Harry and that was so well done.

This was a wonderful story and so powerful, especially for only 500 words. Sometimes I think five hundred word stories can be even more impactful because they are so short. The ending of this took my breath away. I'm so glad I read it and thank you for entering it into my challenge! :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by luvinpadfootThe Master Plan: The Master Plan

3rd August 2014:
I have to admit, I really wanted someone to use this line. It just sets the scene so perfectly to start on the Hogwarts Express. It maybe makes me a little biased that I love Flannery O'Connor too. ;) I really liked the way you used the opening line to set the tone for the story and bring up Hugo's feelings of jealousy toward his cousins. I loved how it showed he was smart in other ways, even if he wasn't a prefect or a Ravenclaw. He was able to sneak into all the Houses dorms without getting caught, at least until Rose grabbed him. It figures that it would be his own sister to turn him in.

I did like that it wasn't as though they ostracized him or anything. It was just teenage pettiness, though that possibly comes across a touch more negative than I intend it to be. He played a joke on his stuffy cousins and I'm sure at least some of his relatives (cough George) would be quite amused by what he did.

His inner thoughts were also really well written. He felt like a teenage boy, a real true teenage boy who had both flaws and strengths. The part when he was writing his own obituary was so funny. I did a lot of giggling during that scene while they were running away from the rocks. That you had things go wrong and the prank didn't completely go according to plan was great. It added to the realism and humor of the story.

The Mrs. Norris Jr comment was fantastic. Poor Filch. He's such a pathetic old man, isn't he? Still talking about stringing up students by their thumbs too. I wouldn't be surprised if he managed to live forever just to spite people. And the Ravenclaw riddle was really well done! Did you make that up on your own or find it somewhere? It's the perfect riddle for that House.

The relationship with Mallory was so cute! The way you built it up was adorable with the two of them as friends. I liked that they didn't get together in the end, how it was just left as a future possibility. Their back and forth banter was funny and I could see them making a good couple eventually, maybe after they grow up a little bit. And the reference to James and Lily in regards to their relationship was great. I could see the two of them as a next gen James/Lily. All the bickering and teasing, but in the end they're good for each other.

My only real constructive criticism, because I feel I should say something helpful instead of just flailing about, was that perhaps you could use a little more description. The narrative is great and the dialogue is really funny, but more description could help to flesh out the piece a little more and help slow it down as well. At times it was a little fast paced and slowing it down some with description could help.

Really wonderful story here! I love cutesy Next Gen fluff, especially about some of the minor characters like Hugo. This was really well written and thoroughly enjoyable. It was a pleasure to read and thanks so much for entering it into my challenge! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I do have a habit of not adding enough description. I really need to work on that. But it was fun to write so I'm glad you enjoyed it c:

 Report Review

Review #4, by luvinpadfootBlessing in Disguise: Unwanted Visitors

3rd August 2014:
I love the AVPM reference. I think it's most everybody's head canon now- Hufflepuffs are great finders! I especially love how you used it, that she found herself in that situation instead of finding a physical object. It was really funny!

Speaking of which, this whole chapter was hilarious. I was laughing really hard and I don't usually laugh that much when reading stories. Your comedic timing in perfection and all the dialogue is genius, especially the banter between Bill and Audrey at the end. I had to take a break after "was that what you told my brother last night?" because I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. I'm so looking forward to the rest of the story if it's even half this good. I hope Bill stays a major character in this because I absolutely adore your take on him.

It's sweet how much she loves the Weasleys already even before she's in a relationship with Percy. Bill already treats her almost like a sister. Can't stop thinking that he's going to make an awesome brother in law, but that's getting ahead of myself. I'm excited for her to meet the rest of them!

The morning after bit was kind of sad. I bet Percy was a little hurt when he woke up in bed alone, but I do understand Audrey's desire to get out of there. The fact that we know they wind up together in the end takes some of the sting out of it, but still. The description of her sneaking around in the dark house was really well done, all the details she noticed like the tidiness and the convenience of the Floo powder pot. It all felt very Percy.

Ah wow Duncan really is kind of a jerk. But only kind of since he did feel guilty and it all worked out for the best anyway. They do seem like friends, even if he's completely flaky. The way he was teasing her about Percy seemed less mean spirited than it did friendly. He really makes me want to protect Percy, though. I really like your Percy and he's a good guy, really! Poor Percy, everyone always makes fun of him. I really look forward to seeing more of him in later chapters and especially how he and Audrey get back together. Am I wrong in thinking Bill might have a little something to do with that? ;)

This is a great story so far and I'll definitely keep coming back for the rest of it! You may have to poke me about it because sometimes I forget what stories I'm keeping up with, but I really can't wait to read more! Thanks so much for entering my challenge!

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you loved it! How can it not be headcanon now? They need to be good finders! I'm glad that you loved how I used it, I thought that it was fitting. :P

I'm so happy that you laughed a lot whilst reading this, I want this story to be happy, although serious moments will be happening eventually. Oh Bill and Audrey! They're going to be so much fun to write together. Awww thank you! *blushes* He shall stay a major character, there will be a lot of Weasley interactions in this story.

She does love them! Maybe Bill can tell that Audrey and Percy will be together? He really likes having her around, she's fun. Haha, I have big plans for how she meets the rest of the Weasleys.

Audrey feels guilty for what she does and poor Percy isn't going to be happy when he wakes up and finds her gone. Aww I'm glad you like that description, I wanted her to struggle in her leaving, especially in a strange flat and in the dark, of course she's going to find every room but the one she wants.

I'm glad you think that's like Percy, I'm glad I'm writing him believably.

Duncan is a jerk, even if it did work out for the best. They're the best of friends, although they fall out all the time haha. It's hilarious and I can't wait to show them more. I want to protect Percy from Duncan's words as well, he needs to be nicer about the guy Audrey likes. Ahhh he may do? :P

Thank you so so much! And I shall let you know when the next chapter is up! I can't wait to see what you think about the other chapters I have planned.
Your challenge was awesome!!

 Report Review

Review #5, by luvinpadfootBlessing in Disguise: Unplanned

3rd August 2014:
This is really awesome so far! I love the first chapter so much. It's almost hard for me to stop and write this review before continuing on to the next one. You've got a great concept here and it's really intriguing! Percy/Audrey stories are so fascinating since we know Percy had to change a lot after that final battle, but we don't get to see it. He could really go anywhere personality-wise and I'm excited to see where you take him!

Audrey's characterization is brilliant, truly. She feels so real with all the tiny details you've thrown in about her, like that her grandfather owns the building, the Cess Pit joke on the menu, that she's a Hufflepuff. Those details bring her character to life. It's great when Hufflepuffs are depicted as something more than the generic, sweet character who never means anybody any harm. That's just not accurate, especially since we see them wearing 'Potter Stinks' badges in the fourth book. She seems crazy and loveable, but not to ridiculous extremes. I could see a person acting like her, especially in their first six or seven years after Hogwarts.

Her interaction with Bill was really cute. I could definitely see him as the type of person to be friendly with the crotchety at his regular diner. Their banter was hilarious, especially the 'I can't hear you over the sound my braveness' line. You had me laughing at that and I think I was getting some weird looks in the library. The part about Molly taking in strays was great too. I bet when Audrey meets her that does happen! I really enjoyed the subtle line about Bill being concerned about Percy. That makes me wonder how he is doing since he seemed pretty okay for the most part here.

You sure got to the romance fast! Percy really doesn't seem the type for that, but I guess it goes to show how right Audrey is for him- or alternatively, how deeply traumatized he is over Fred's death. I think it's right to make Audrey a little crazy and impulsive since he's so stuffy and high strung. It seems right that she'd be able to temper that a little. If not, they'd be a truly terrifying couple.

"It wasn't a line," Percy pulled away from her again and Audrey was the one to frown at him. "Although I'm worried that line would work on you." I love that part! Of course she would take it as a line. It kinda does end up coming across that way, but it's Percy so who knows.

You tied in the first line wonderfully well! I'm just now realizing how many books start with a mention of the weather since this is the third so far for the challenge. Lots and lots of rain. But it suits the tone really well here and ties in to Audrey's annoyance with the whole day and the situation. Plus, it gave Percy the opportunity to be the knight in shining armor, sort of.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad that you love it already! I'm so glad that I entered your challenge as I've been wanting to write this story for a while now and your challenge gave me the push I needed. I've always wanted to have Audrey as a crazy girl and the complete opposite of Percy, they'lll be good for each other.

Thank you! Your so kind!! :D Making me blush. :P I tend to use Hufflepuff a lot haha, and she's definitely not a stereotypical Hufflepuff. You're right, they're not all good people!

Audrey and Bill are going to be the ultimate bromance in this! Haha They're going to be so much fun to write. :P I'm glad that I made you laugh out loud with it. :D And yes, Bill is worried about Percy, he's going through a lot at the moment.

I did! Haha, but that is Audrey all over! It's all to do with how Percy is at the moment that he went along with it and gave in. He's still dealing with what happened at the battle. He's still very traumatised like you said, Audrey will help him deal with those issues.

It really does come across as a line! Why else would he go out of his way to see if she got home if he wasn't interested in that happening? :P

Thank you so much! I really loved taking part in your challenge, it was so much fun to do! And yes! He's her knight in shining armour haha. :D

 Report Review

Review #6, by luvinpadfootÉtincelles d'Argent: Silver Sparks

2nd August 2014:
With a username like mine, how could I not love this story? It was absolutely wonderful to read! I love the way you captured emotion, especially the absolute desolation of Azkaban.

Your imagery was lovely and so powerful. Especially at the beginning when you were describing Azkaban and Sirius and what he was experiencing. Your word choice was flawless. I especially loved the line: "Finally, the heavens simply split in two and angry tears cascaded on top of Azkaban prison." That's an amazing way to describe a storm. It paints a picture of sadness and despair without being too overt.

The first time Sirius is introduced with the paragraph long description is amazing. Just wow. Every bit of imagery in that paragraph was wonderful and fit Sirius completely. I especially loved the last line about moistening his lips, but only making it worse. That really sums up so much about him in one simple action. You conveyed his sanity well throughout the piece while showing how he was affected by the prison as well. I think towards the end you get into this even more, the true madness of revenge. He holds no fantasy of returning to a normal life at this point. He just wants to kill Peter.

Fudge is definitely in character here. You've written him so well, captured his essence. He's always putting on airs and pretending to be stronger than he is, like when he was first introduced. He doesn't want to be there, but he doesn't want anyone else to know he doesn't want to be there. The man has to be in control. The way you structured the newspaper scene with it being a political ploy on Fudge's part was brilliant. There was so much Fudge in that.

Usually third omniscient POVs bother me because it can feel jumpy or too convenient, but I really liked it here. The shifts between Fudge and Sirius flowed naturally and I never felt like a ping pong ball. The narrative entered and exited thoughts as need be and the transitions were smooth. I hardly noticed that it was omniscient at all (which I mean as a compliment).

I loved the onslaught of memories. They were disjointed and incoherent and you could really feel the madness creeping in on him, like that's the kind of suffering he's underwent over the past twelve years. As a reader, I could feel my head beginning to spin and just the barest traces of what he might actually be going through as the Dementor's fed on his memories. That bit was nothing short of incredible.

The only bit of constructive criticism was that the first half seemed stronger than the second half. The beginning had so much imagery and beautiful language and you painted vibrant pictures, but then later it fell away from that a bit and we got more of a stream of conscious from Sirius's perspective. I don't think I'd have noticed that at all except that the beginning was so incredible that when the style shifted slightly it fell a little short.

You had kind of a hard first line in that it was a little cliche, but I thought you used it well. I'd be surprised if there were many nights at Azkaban that weren't dark and stormy. I also loved the quote from Dante, "abandon all hope ye who enter here." That's perfect for Azkaban and the comparison between Azkaban and Hell here were very strong.

This was a lovely story and I really enjoyed reading it! Thanks so much for entering my challenge. :)

Author's Response: First of all, thank you for the wonderful review. And now I'm terrified because I feel as if my reply won't be nearly as adequate as it should be. (Does that even make sense? I'm not sure it does but oh well. It happens.)

In terms of the imagery and description, I did worry that I went a little bit overboard. Paragraph after paragraph was description and I'm sure it must've looked a little bit daunting but I'm glad you liked it and it achieved the intended effect. I'm quite pleased that you liked how I described the storm. When I originally thought of it, it was part of a sarcastic one-liner but I thought it was better suited to this.

Ah, Sirius. Now that I think about it, the lip-licking thing does pretty much sum him up. He knows it's bad for him but he goes ahead and does it anyway. Poor, poor Sirius. He's way too impulsive for his own good.

I was extremely concerned over how I portrayed Fudge. I knew the basic foundations of his character but I didn't know how to get it across in the way he interacted with Sirius and those around him. I don't think anyone quite understands the relief I feel that no one has annihilated his portrayal yet.

Omniscient third person usually bothers me a lot too. Well, it doesn't bother me per se but I'm always a little bit wary of it. I'm much more comfortable in first person narration and I've only recently gone back to testing third person narration but I find that my work is almost better with it. It's easier to write dramatic scenes in third person opposed to first person because you can write about things your main character wouldn't notice.

The memories...this was the section that gave me the most trouble. I had a clear direction I wanted to go in with the memories but unfortunately due to some technicalities, I had to rewrite some of them. However I kept it as similar as I could to the original draft so I'm happy with it. I really wanted the reader to realise the pain that Sirius went through and the sudden rush of the memories seemed to be the best way to do that. Show not tell and all that jazz, you know?

Now that you mention it, I see what you mean about the change. The first half was a lot stronger than the second part. I think I got swept away in the rush of Sirius' madness that I forgot to keep the same description coming along. It's something I need to work on, maintaining that balance throughout the entire piece. Thank you for pointing that out. Without it, I wouldn't have anything to work on and there should always be something to work on.

The comparison between Azkaban and Hell came quite suddenly. I spent a lot of time on the beginning of the one-shot because I wanted to do the beginning line justice. As everyone knows, the opening lines can make or break your writing as can the opening paragraphs. At first I didn't think that the comparison between Azkaban and Hell would develop into much more than one line but then I research Dante's Inferno a bit and was pleased to see that I could develop it into much more.

I really did enjoy writing this and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. As soon as I saw the first line, I knew I wouldn't write any other scene except this. It was just a matter of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and breathing it to life.

 Report Review

Review #7, by luvinpadfootEnglish Ivy: English Ivy

2nd August 2014:
It's so strange to read about a young McGonagall. You always know she had a childhood and was a teenager at some point, but it's hard to think about sometimes because she's so...McGonagall. I think you did a wonderful job of capturing her character, though. It's easy to see how the transition between the girl she was then and the woman she became could happen, and there are definitely flashes of the Deputy Headmistress in there. Perhaps it was just me, but I adored her relationship with her brothers. They were allies against her mother, but when it came down to it, it was every man for himself. That felt particularly realistic since I have two siblings of my own and it really does feel like that a lot of the time.

In addition to capturing her character, you get all the characters and their relationships down so well in this. Even though we get only glimpses of her family, you've painted a vivid picture for us. They all care about each other so much and you can see how that love is one of the things tearing them apart, especially when it comes to magic. They've obviously not a lovey-dovey bunch, but beneath all their taunts and teasing, it's a driving force and you portrayed that well.

Your description is wonderful. Nearly every paragraph is chock full of brilliant imagery, things like the waiting for the storm to come and juxtaposing the blistering heat of the summer with the mildness (relatively, at least) of her mother. It adds a richness to the story that really makes it pop.

I loved the way you worked the quote into the story and then kept coming back to it throughout. That was a beautiful way to incorporate it as more than just the first line and opening. "I smile and as I set my hand atop hers the wild animal of her judgment that winds wildly around my body loosens." That line in particular stuck out to me. It added so much to her mother's characterization and their relationship as a whole. Even if you don't know every small thing she's done, the sense that she smothers Minerva and the essence of their relationship is conveyed well.

The other thing about the relationship I noticed is not only how much Minerva seems to resent (that's a bit strong, but the best I can come up with) her mother, but also how much you can clearly see the resemblance in her later years. They both turn into the strict, imposing authority figure, just in different ways.

The ending was gorgeous. I don't even know what to say about it, but wow. It was the perfect way to finish the piece. The same goes for the title. The English Ivy itself seemed to play such a small role in the story, but it was an amazing title because it really represented her whole relationship with her mother, the suffocating plant that comes back every summer no matter how much she tries to get rid of it.

Just a wonderful story. I don't have nearly enough praise for it. Thanks so much for entering my challenge, I really enjoyed reading this! :)

Author's Response: thank YOU for the challenge! and this unbelievably kind review!!! i nearly cried when i read it. i'd had the idea for the one-shot in my mind for a while and when i got that first line i was like "thats it that's the beginning to my story" so like your challenge was super important for me!! i seriously can't believe you've left this essay of a review it's the most amazing review ever. thank you so so much!!

 Report Review

Review #8, by luvinpadfootTo: Winky: From: Dobby

2nd August 2014:
This is so sweet and cute and it just makes me want to hug Dobby really tight and never let go. My head canon now is this story and then they went on to get married and live happily ever after, none of that sadness from the seventh book.

The first line tied in really well with the rest of the piece and I thought this was one of the harder quotes, so kudos on that. It flows seamlessly with the tone and overall themes of the story. I love how seriously the story takes itself because, to Dobby, it is the most important thing and it's not played off as a joke. When I saw this story was about Dobby and Winky, I thought it would be a parody, but this sweet fluff is so much better.

The way you differentiated between Dobby's inner thoughts and his dialogue was fantastic. He seems so mature inside his head with these complicated thoughts, but when it came time for his dialogue I could hear his squeaky little voice in my head as I read. Dobby would be the House Elf to have this almost formal, scholarly thought process and approach to life. He kind of reminded me of the way Dumbledore might think. I could imagine the two becoming fast friends at some point.

Speaking of which, Dumbledore was great in this. I find it incredibly realistic that he'd go out of his way to help Dobby. I always got the feeling he'd be the kind of person to invite a House Elf over for dinner just because he happened to run across him. His helping Dobby wrap the present adds a whole other level of care for the gift.

Dobby's complete adoration of Winky is so apparent in this and it feels like he knows her really well, more than just what we see from the books. He's never asked her favorite color, but he just knows it'll be orange and from the way he talks, I bet it is. The whole backstory was very well done and I find myself quite interested in these House Elf courting (I guess?) ceremonies. It never occurred to me where House Elves came from and your ideas seem more realistic than anything else. It's very House Elf-y.

I also love the occasional references to her past like the butterbeer and how she replaced it with gardening. The description of the dirt on her front instead of the drink was really moving. He stood by her, even when she was down, and it was so sweet how his every thought of her was centered around making her happy. It's the purest kind of love and it doesn't surprise me one bit that it's coming from Dobby.

"Dobby found himself pondering the implications of such a truth..." I knew the story was going to be great from that line and I absolutely love it. I honestly never thought I'd read a fic where Dobby ponders the implications of a line from Jane Austen, but I'm so glad I did. It was a wonderful read and I'm thrilled you entered my challenge! :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! I have no idea what made me think "Dobby!" when I got that quote, but it did and here we stand.

It's good to know the contrast between his inner thought process and speech came out nicely. I find that people who don't use proper grammar are often thought of as less intelligent, but throughout the books Dobby proves to us that he is capable, adaptable, and quick thinking.

Haha. It was a very serious thing to Dobby. I'm glad the tone carried.

I couldn't help but include Dumbledore, and it's wonderful to hear you thought he was in character! I'm always a little worried that I played up one side of his personality and down played another.

Thank you so much for making the challenge! I certainly enjoyed doing this little piece. +]

Until next time!

 Report Review

Review #9, by luvinpadfootHow I Live Now: I.

2nd August 2014:
I love this story so much, starting from the very premise. Dark, angsty stories about James and Lily in hiding are so wonderful, even though they're often some of the more depressing stories on the site. They have such an authenticity that sometimes the lighter stories about them lack.

Moving on from that (because I could probably flail about that for hours), I adore your Lily here. She comes across exactly like what we know of Lily from the books- she's intelligent, brave, loving. She worries so much over her husband and my heart just goes out to her. She really did deserve more than the life she got. My favorite part of her character was that underneath all that, she seemed a little bored. It was obviously trumped by worry and fear, but she did seem like she was itching to get out and do something, make their lives better. This is just so canon and lovely, especially since it was a subtle addition.

Oh, the flashbacks. The wonderful, wonderful flashbacks. You segued perfectly from the present to the past and tied in both aspects of the story wonderfully. She started out alone, found James, then was alone again and both the present and past synced up. Just wow.

Her relationship with James was written beautifully as well. It was obvious they were strained with his missions and Voldemort hunting them, but the love was ever present. It seemed like every other word out of his mouth was a declaration of his love and that felt very in character for him. It wasn't a fairytale romance like James/Lily so often is and I liked that. It seemed they had occasional questions or maybe even doubts, but because they did care for each other so much they were able to work through them.

Your imagery was beautiful throughout. The two lines that stuck out to me the most were " The Death Eaters - as they have so aptly called themselves - are like a swarm of mosquitos, determined to continue their reign of terror." and " He's a pale, shadow of a man; an empty casket compared to what he once was." That description of Voldemort fit him perfectly, especially since we've seen his before and after in the movies. The one about the Death Eaters is so unique and seemed an odd choice of description, but it worked so well. I've never seen them described as such, but I can picture the two comingling in my head.

The only critique I have (super nitpicky, but I wanted to offer some kind of CC) was that in a few places the narrative sounded a little too casual. For example, once you started a sentence with 'Besides' and it felt out of place since the rest of the piece comes across as rather formal (which I love- it suits the tone perfectly). It's super nitpicky, though.

The ending was wow. Just completely wow. There's almost a lack of love for the first part of the piece since it's so overshadowed by her fear and hopelessness, but bringing it back around in the end so that it became all about love was incredibly powerful.

I suppose I need to comment on your use of the first line and I thought it was lovely. It definitely fit into the tone and theme of the story. I adored reading this and I'm so glad you entered my challenge! :)

Author's Response: Hey

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I adored writing for this challenge because it gave me something to start on and then allowed me to flourish out into something I don't usually write (angst/dark).

I'm also so glad you seem to understand a lot of the underlying things I tried to intertwine into the narrative :) I was scared readers would gloss over those parts and not realise but you did so :D

I still have to come back to this piece and edit it properly. There are some lines, especially towards the end, which I think hinder the flow. I'll take into consideration your sentence starter suggestions too, I totally understand!

Thanks again for reviewing!!


 Report Review

Review #10, by luvinpadfootMistletoe: Mistletoe

7th July 2014:
*House Cup 2014 Review*

You left reviews on one of my stories, so I decided to return the favor and I'm so glad I did! This is just adorable. Hugo and the main character's banter is so cute and sweet. I love the whole idea of magic mistletoe. It has such potential for all manner of romance and mischief. ;)

The MC is so fully realized for just a one-shot. I love all the little tidbits we learn about her, like that she's muggleborn, on the Quidditch team, a Slytherin. They're not necessary to the story, but they add so much depth to her character. It's like she doesn't exist just for this one scene, she's so much more!

I think the same with Hugo. The MC's perception of him is spot on for a teenager seeing a cute guy she likes. It has a ring of truth to it that's sometimes hard to get.

And I kinda like that her name's a mystery. It adds to the whole spontaneity of the scene and the kiss. Just teenagers running wild in the castle! ;) It's so fun and enjoyable to read. I'm sorry you wound up abandoning the continuation, but this one-shot stands very well on its own. Such a lovely story! :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by luvinpadfootAnother Kind of Crazy: Another Kind of Crazy

7th July 2014:
*House Cup 2014 Review*

After all the lovely reviews you left on Moonlit Sonata, I just had to come by and see your stories and I'm so glad I did! This one is absolutely lovely! You delve so deeply into Bellatrix's thoughts and I adore how you've 'justified' her position. She honestly believes she can be in the right too and the way you've written it, I've started thinking 'well, why not?' It's really great!

The only critiques I can offer is that at times there's a lot of exposition and it can feel like you're just explaining her life. The parts with your imagery, like at the very beginning, are so powerful that I'd love to see more of them! A few of the paragraphs are also a little large, but that's more formatting than anything in your story.

My favorite part was when she was talking about being the perfect follower and the perfect wife. I felt that was so perfect and true to Bellatrix's character. She loves Voldemort more than even her husband. You really managed to capture her essence in this story and she's not an easy character to write. I truly loved reading it! :)

Author's Response: Awww, thanks so much! You reading my stories and leaving this review means so much to me! When I was writing this I was thinking that no one really ever thinks that they are evil for the most part. They have all reasoned things out for themselves. I thought that Bellatrix would be no different, especially since she was raised with those ideals.

Thanks for the criticism, I wrote this my freshman year of high school on a separate site and haven't really looked at it since except for when I put it on here, but rereading it I can see what you mean. I think I might go back and just touch up a few things so it reads better.

Thanks again for leaving such a wonderful review, I truly appreciate it! I hope you keep writing and coming up with some more stories! I really loved your take on the Marauders Era!

 Report Review

Review #12, by luvinpadfootNaive: Chapter the Twenty-Ninth

7th July 2014:
*House Cup 2014 Review*

I may have been reading this story for the past month and just finished it. Just maybe. It's so fantastic! I'd loved how bright and vivid all your characters were! At first I thought it was going to be a parody type story (I mean, his name is Glitter...), but this was so much better than anything I could have imagined!

I did suspect a little something with Elliot and Lily. Not much, but in the last few chapters especially it seemed like there was something rather negative going on between them. I never imagined he'd do something that horrible though. Just wow. Makes me wish Lily had kicked him to the curb a long time ago.

Something I really enjoyed about this story, so much more than most others, was that ending. Even though Lily and Elliot broke up, it wasn't a sad ending. It just felt nice and hopeful like that was just another aspect of life you have to deal with sometimes. It wasn't sad because he was gone or really triumphant, just soft and hopeful. It was the perfect coming of age story.

All of your characters were so vivid and real. I cried when Molly died and laughed at Glitter, Al, and all the others. They each had such vibrant personalities and story lines! I adored every minute of reading this story. It was so wonderful in every way.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I ALWAYS planned on having Elliot being a big meanie poo so I actually hated writing him. I used to always scowl and mumble, "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO, ELLIOT!" but I tried to hide it, haha :P

A lot of people think (and write) that when a person is in a relationship, they're going to last forever and ever and ever but the sad and hard truth that a lot of relationships WON'T work out. So I wanted to write that in my story!

I admit, I got a little teary when Molly died :'( But I always laughed when I was writing Al. He's such an eccentric character and I loved writing every scene with him, haha! :P

Thank you so much for this beautiful review. You're just so lovely! ♥

- Kayla :)

 Report Review

Review #13, by luvinpadfootThe Very Bottom of the Cauldron: Fischer Family Fact Time

23rd June 2014:
Ooh I really enjoyed this! You got Frida's personality spot on. She seems like such a real character, spouting insults that aren't always the most clever, but enough so that it's amusing to read. She's so funny and vibrant and original, which I think can be difficult to do with OC's sometimes. You've definitely broken the mold with her, so kudos!

The relationships you've started building here, namely with her mother, sister, Agatha, and the Potters, all have great potential. I especially love the way she interacted with her mother. They seemed to banter more like friends than mother and daughter, but it really worked with them. The same comment goes for Melissa. They felt like sisters, bickering sisters. Not all sisters are the best of friends, no matter how many times it's written that way, but it's still obvious she cares about her sister.

I'm very interested to see more of the Potter boys! I'm assuming James knows her well from being prefects together and his brother friends with her sister, but I'm not sure quite yet how he really feels about her. He obviously likes her at least a little since he got her out of the compartment and possible out of a great deal of trouble.

For constructive criticism, I only have that sometimes her inner commentary got a little tiring to read. I'd love to see it interspersed with some more descriptions. I think that could help the flow of the piece a lot.

You have a lot of interesting characters and a great dynamic building between them for the first chapter! It's a wonderful beginning. :)

 Report Review

Review #14, by luvinpadfootDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Shifting Thoughts

16th June 2014:
I didn't have time to catch up to the last chapter tonight, but I'll continue working on this story for the next however long it takes me. I'm really enjoying it! I'll continue onto the others tomorrow, but I'll probably leave reviews every ten or so chapters. :)

Devlin/Dubhan seems much older than he is, even for a child prodigy and the grandson of Voldemort. It's not so much the story or plot surrounding him, but rather your writing. Your writing is amazing and you have lovely word choice, but it feels very adult in tone, language, and style. It just feels very mature in ways that even a brilliant child who's been through what Devlin has can't master. I guess the word I'm looking for is worldly. Devlin has a very worldly sense even though he's a young child with limited life experiences. I think this was more of a comment for the first few chapters (in part since he was younger) and that's seemed to tone down a bit more for the last couple.

Sometimes you mix up apostrophes, especially words like its and it's. Also adding the occasional extraneous space in words like illogical. Other than that, I only noticed the occasional typo which wasn't distracting from the story. Just a few things to maybe keep an eye on.

One thing you do really well is viewing the characters from different point of views. The best example is the way Devlin views Harry. At first I thought you weren't giving Harry enough credit, but then I realized it was Devlin not giving Harry enough credit and from other POVs you can really see Harry's strength. You give such great depth to all the characters through this.

Another thing is the physical feelings, like when Remus punches Geoffrey. You write those scenes with such power that it's impossible to disregard anything the feels. This story is very emotional and there's a lot going on in the various characters' heads that they don't say, but the physicality isn't forgotten about.

The way you combine both Dubhan and Devlin into the same character is quite wonderful and well done. The differences are so intricate that he's never completely one or the other, but instead both at the same time. The intertwining of the two is masterfully done. It's sweet how Emma's the one who manages to bring out the emotion in him. Even though he's faking it to get his wand back, he's doing that for her and it's sweet.

This is a really great story and I'm looking forward to catching up on the rest of it. :)

 Report Review

Review #15, by luvinpadfootDragons, Disguises, and Not-So-Dumb Blondes: Dragons, Disguises, and Not-So-Dumb Blondes

17th May 2014:
I really wasn't expecting to love this story as much as I did, but it was brilliant! I absolutely adored the way you wrote Greece. Have you ever been there? Because I'd totally believe that you had from the way you wrote it. It just seemed so easy and natural which is hard when writing about other countries. (Granted, for all I know you could be Greek. That'd be awkward.)

I can honestly say I've never seen Teddy written like this and I adored it. It really feels like you combined Remus and Tonks's personalities into one person, which I guess that's what Teddy is so it makes perfect sense. He's the perfect mixture of chivalrous nice guy and cocky jerk. The way you turned the chivalry around on him with Victoire at the end was amazing. It's nice to see the girl saving the guy in a realistic way for once. It fit very nicely into their personalities.

"We are Greek. What do we care about protocol?" That line. I was reading this at some ridiculous hour of the morning and that line almost made me wake up the whole house I was laughing so hard. All the Greek characters were hilarious, from Nikolas to the Minister. Even Victoire's horror at realizing the man she'd just threatened was the Ministry. All so unbelievably perfect. I can't write humor so I'm always amazed and impressed by those authors like you who do it so well.

By the time I reached the ending, even though I knew it was a Victoire/Teddy and where it was going, it felt so right. You really built up to their relationship so well and earned that sweet, romantic moment at the end. The love/hate relationship can feel tacked on or overdone sometimes, but I think you tied it into the characters and the story realistically. It worked. Everything you did in this story worked. I may have read it a couple of times it was so good. :) I really really loved it!

Author's Response: Hola hola!

First off, I am very glad that my story surprised you! You are so sweet.

Yes, I have been to Greece (and it's totally as great as the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants makes it look), though I am not from there, so no need whatsoever for awkwardness. Although some people thought I was Greek? Does that count?

Hahaha--that was one of my favorite parts to write. All the humor of the Ministry section. My other published stories are less humorous, or at least less zany, and I loved taking a break to be silly and write this one. I'm always reading at ridiculous hours, so I am well familiar with the don't-wake-the-sleepers laughter, and am delighted to have inspired it :D

Thank you so much for this review! It's like I've received a box of warm, fuzzy, happy feelings. I am so, so glad you enjoyed the story. The smile on my face is huge.

Thank you for making my day!


 Report Review

Review #16, by luvinpadfootThree against the World.: Back to Hogwarts

12th May 2014:
This was a really good start! I like all the characters so far, especially Aimee. She seems really interesting, as do the Potter/Weasley Clan. And Scorpius, mustn't forget him. There's so many of them, but you did a good job of introducing them all. I like the rivalry between Albus/Scorpius and the Gryffindors. I must say, I'm always a sucker for stories that stick Albus in Slytherin.

And speaking of Albus, am I sensing a little crush on Aimee? It's really cute so far and I can't wait to see what else happens! It's always nice to see the Potters and Weasley from an outside eye. Sometimes it lends to better descriptions of their interactions and a little less bias.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the first chapter and it's really good so far! Keep writing! I'm eager to find out what happens next. :D

Author's Response: Thankyou! I'm really fussy when it comes to fanfiction, so I'm trying to make it exactly how I like it, so in turn maybe others will too. That's my plan anyways.
Thanks for all this positive feedback too, it's really motivated me to keep going, and the next chapter will be up asap!
And yes, there might be a chance of Albus having a crush on Aimee! She has a lot of problems of her own to sort out first though. She needs to get her own life/feeling/thoughts straight before her and Al can really kick off. But there's a possibility it could happen.
Anyways, I'd better stop rambling before I tell you the whole storyline!
Thanks again for the lovely review :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by luvinpadfootMemories : Harry

5th May 2014:
Ah the Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies/books! William Goldman is a fantastic writer and I just had to see what you wrote. It was brilliant! You tied so many quotes in. I just loved them! And it was so impressive how many you used and yet it still made sense. Especially repurposing Inigo's iconic line for Harry. That was brilliant.

The relationship between Ginny and Harry was so sweet. The fairytale elements you worked in tied in beautifully with their story. I could just imagine them as Westley and Buttercup, true love overcoming everything. Not even death can stand in the way of them. ;) (Perfect use of that quote, by the way. I think it was my favorite in the whole piece.)

The part with James was adorable! He's so cute in here, especially the little annoyance with Harry telling the same story over and over. I couldn't help but giggle at him. And Ginny at the end was great characterization on your part. I like that she sided with James over her husband.

Great story! You definitely did all those quotes justice! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! It really made my day (and no I am not just saying that, it really did!). I am sort of impressed myself by how many quotes I was able to fit in...I was almost worried that I put to many in! I really appreciate the time you put into this review, thank you so much!
~Panda Weasley

 Report Review

Review #18, by luvinpadfootThe Three Couples: After The War: Mrs Weasley's Children

3rd May 2014:
Aw this is really sweet! I agree, it's pretty fun Harry made his career choice from what a Death Eater told him he'd be good at, but I think the Death Eater was right. All their plans seem realistic for their characters. I like the Harry and Ron aren't going back to school full time, but it works well for Hermione. Is she going to Australia soon to look for her parents? I'm eager to find out!

And oh, Luna and Neville. I was kind of hoping this wouldn't be a canon story and they'd end up together, but ah well. Poor Neville. I suppose you'll bring Hannah in at some point for him. Luna's a bit oblivious to how much he likes her, I think, but I'm glad she's going to Africa and has plans for her own life.

Helpful critique time. You switch tenses a bit between past and present, but that would be an easy fix if you ever wanted to go back and edit. Same with a few typos I noticed. I love the characters, though. They seem really true to their canon selves. :)

Everything's looking up so much! It's nice to see them piece their lives back together after the war. We never really got to see them do that in canon, so it's really sweet to see it here. I wouldn't worry too much about the lack of reviews. I think the average number is something like 1 for every 300 reads. But you could try joining the forums to get reviews there. I'd really like to see you continue this story!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I ship Luna and Neville, and have plans for them. . . ;)

 Report Review

Review #19, by luvinpadfootDrunk Love: I Don’t Think You’d Hurt Her

3rd May 2014:
Poor Sammy! I hope things start getting better for it. It looks like they might be with Draco getting so sweet. i love how you're slowly revealing her past and her issues instead of dumping everything all at once. It seems so much more realistic that way.

And Draco is really sweet! I can't believe he stayed down there with her all night. I guess he'll be a bit sweeter now that he knows more about her and her past, but I wonder what Sammy will think when she wakes up. They're so adorable! I can't wait until the story progresses a bit and we get further into their relationship.

Blaise seems like a really good friend to both of them. Honestly, I think he's my favorite character in this story. He's not really the focus, but he seems so real and fantastic. I love every scene that he's in! He just seems like such a chill guy, though I guess the exception to that would be his blood purity prejudice. Still, I'm interested to see where things go with him.

Are the Moores really her parents? I'm assuming they are, but what did they do? It had to be pretty bad if they made the top of the Ministry's most wanted list. Was Draco going to say something about murder? I wonder when Sammy will find out and everything gets revealed. I can't wait!

Still loving this story so much! It's brilliant and can't wait for the next update! :)

Author's Response: This made me smile so much! I've never been a big fan of just dumping all the info on a character into one part either so I made sure to space it out and get to know her like you would a normal person.:)

Draco can be a bit sweet but he's not a big fan of showing that he cares. I know I'd be freaking out if Draco was sleeping on a couch with me! But I'm not Sammy so we'll see how that goes.

I've always loved Blaise! That's how I've always pictured his personality would be like if JK had gone into more detail with him.

Spoilers! I'm not going to give away any ideas on the Moores just yet! I suppose that's kinda mean making you wait on that though. But yes he was going to say murder dun dun duun. I promise you'll find out a little bit more about the Moores, maybe not in the next chapter but soon!

Thank you so much for sticking by me with this story so far! This review definitely made my night! :)

 Report Review

Review #20, by luvinpadfootIt Is the Colour of Joy: You Smile...

23rd April 2014:
Wow. This story reads like poetry. It really does seem like one long narrative poem. It flows so beautifully through the different parts of their relationship, the courtship, marriage proposal, and finally her pregnancy. It all tied together so nicely with the three challenges. It seemed like an utterly seamless transition and I wouldn't have known it was for so many different challenges if you didn't mention it!

I liked that the tense changed throughout. That seemed natural for the type of story you were writing, but I wasn't sure if the section with the rosebush worked as well in present tense as it maybe would have in past. I liked that the present tense pieces were bookends for the rest of the story and seemed more in the now or something continuous rather than a specific moment in a memory. Just my thoughts, though. :)

Astoria's characterization is so incredibly strong here, even though it's so short and almost a piece of poetry instead of prose. What few words you do use, you use powerfully and every one is crucial to the story. Such a minimalist approach can be really difficult and you pulled it off so well!

I really got a sense of the light red color you were writing about even though you didn't directly describe it as more than just 'light red'. With all the examples and emotions you gave, I didn't need to hear anymore about it.

Reading this story was just lovely and I'm really glad I found it! Every word was enjoyable. Now I just have to go back and read the first one! (In case you were wondering, this works really well as a stand alone piece too.) Good luck on all your challenges! With this piece you'll be sure to blow them away!

Author's Response: Aww! Thank you so much! My actual attempts at poetry are terrible, so I'm always surprised when people say that this story and the companion piece read like poetry. I get all unnecessarily flattered *blushes*

I had so much fun with the tenses. Not only was it a great way to control the word count, but it was just a blast sitting there coming up with a different tense every time. Usually, tenses are the bane of my existence, but for once we were the unlikeliest of allies. And I know what you're talking about with the rosebush section. I wrote that paragraph in both tenses and chose the present simply because it was a better fit for the word count. Lazy writing - 1; me - 0.

Gosh! I'm so happy Astoria comes through. With the other one, it's totally okay because everyone knows Draco, so even if I skip bits and pieces it's not that big of a deal. But with Astoria, she's basically an OC, and so her characterisation had to be a bit more thorough in the same number of words. I'm glad that you felt it worked!

I actually thought I'd overused the colour! Basically, if the thing could be red, it was red! I'm really really happy that wasn't the case, however!

I hope you enjoy the first one as much as you did this! Thank you so much for your lovely review :)

 Report Review

Review #21, by luvinpadfootA Brand New Year: Welcome Back

23rd April 2014:
Wow that was a pretty shocking start! I really like all the twists with Minerva and Dumbledore and the Heads and May... There's so much going on and it's all so exciting! I forgot to look at the pairings for this, but I'm assuming Dramione will happen at some point? I'm always a sucker for a good Dramione and this looks like it will be one.

I love what you've done with Blaise and Draco! I really enjoy seeing Blaise in fan fiction because he's so left out of the series and you've written his personality wonderfully so far. You've also done a great job with the chemistry between the two friends. Am I sensing a little Blaise/Ginny perhaps? He did make that comment about her hex and call her fiery...

I love your writing style! Even with so much going on it really feels down to earth and realistic. The characters seem like real people and I can't wait to see you develop them more!

Why doesn't May know who Harry is? Is the romance going to happen smoothly or will it get all dramatic? So many questions! Sadly I don't have time to finish reading tonight as it's getting late here, but I'll be back in the next few days to finish what you've got so far. I'm really adoring it! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This made me so happy :)

 Report Review

Review #22, by luvinpadfootDo You Believe?: Do You Believe?

23rd April 2014:
Aw this was really bittersweet! You captured Abby's emotions perfectly. Even the scene with the priest felt realistic. I could imagine her going in just for lack of reason not to and finding more answers than she expected. The questions she asked were perfect. I think you definitely portrayed her confusion and sadness well.

I really enjoyed the ending with James! It was so hopeful without pushing her immediately into another relationship. I think after what she'd gone through that was a lovely way to end things. Hopeful, but not immediately happy yet.

Your writing is really strong. I'd love to be helpful and offer some critiques, but I really don't have any. I just adored reading this story and I'm so glad I found it! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review! The whole priest seen was written first, believe it or not. I just based the rest of the story around that scene because I really liked the whole feel of it (if that made any sense?) And I loved the ending with James too! And I tried to not make it seem too forced into a too happy ending because of everything that she has been through :D Thank you so much again, I'm really happy that you enjoyed my story!!
~Aimee xxx

 Report Review

Review #23, by luvinpadfootImunity: A little bit of introduction

22nd April 2014:
This is a really good start! Honey seems like an interesting character and her mother's just so cruel. I hope she doesn't really mean that she can never come back. Poor Honey. I'm excited to see where the Veritiserum and Albus come in! So eager for more! :)

The spacing is a little funky and long throughout this story, but I'm sure that's an easy fix. It'd also be nice to see a little more description to go with the dialogue. Your dialogue is fantastic, but a little description is always nice!

I really enjoyed every word and hope you might be interested in coming back to finish this. I can't wait to see what you can come up with for this story! From the summary it seemed like a really original idea. :D

 Report Review

Review #24, by luvinpadfootDrunk Love: Who Interrupts Draco Malfoy?

20th April 2014:
I've really enjoyed reading this story! Sammy's so interesting as a character and I think you've written her entrance into the wizarding world really well. I liked how she used the term mudblood because she didn't know any better, that was really good. I wonder how she'll react to other students, if Harry and the rest of the trio will be entering the story at any point.

I can't help but wonder who her parents were. Draco obviously seems to know something or at least suspect. Sammy doesn't seem to care so much though, at least not enough to press Snape further. Hopefully it'll get revealed soon! Or at least hinted at.

Her chemistry with Draco is really great! The sexual tension is nearly palpable. It'll probably take them ages to realize that's why they hate each other so much though, they seem a bit daft. Seems like they'll have to start dealing with each other soon because of Blaise.

I love Blaise's character! He seems like a decent guy who you should automatically like, but then you keep throwing in his prejudices and his casual use of the word mudblood. It really makes it hard to decide if he's a decent guy or a jerk and I adore that. He's not black and white, a more complex character.

Anyway, I'm excited to see where you go with this story! Is Sammy going to adopt the prejudices too? Will she remain friends with Hagrid? It's all so interesting and I love it! Great story! :)

Author's Response: I think you're my new favorite person! I'm actually still debating if the Golden trio will make any appearances in this story or not, but I'm pretty sure they'll pop up as some point. :)

You'll find out soon (at least a little bit) about her parents, though I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing because it is a bit out of the norm for most hp fan fics!

Ah Blaise, I honestly love him so much. I don't really have a lot to go on with his personality, there's only little bits told about him by Rowling so I'm happy you like my take on him! (I was actually a bit worried about people thinking he was out of character)

Anyways I'm in the process writing the next chapter right now. You definitely gave me the inspiration to continue on and finish it! Hopefully you like the next chapter! :)

 Report Review

Review #25, by luvinpadfootDrunk Love: What Are You Gonna Do About It?

20th April 2014:
I'm really liking this story! Sammy seems like such an interesting character, even if I do worry about her a bit. I wonder which House she'll be Sorted into. I'm still a bit curious about her past- why Dumbledore couldn't find her, what caused her to need the flask, etc. Her mother seemed to let her go a little too easily, so I'm sure there's a story there somewhere.

I really like the way she talks! It's so distinctive. I mean, yeah she swears a lot, but it's more than that. It's not the stereotypical sassy either. She just seems like Sammy and that's fantastic. You've developed a great voice for her!

This is Draco/OC so I'm assuming Sammy is the OC? It'll be nice to see her take Draco down a peg or two. Sometimes I think he could really use it. I think you've written him well too. It's fun to see him interact with people he doesn't already hate, like the trio. He's so enjoyably arrogant- I wonder if that'll last long with Sammy around. ;)

I'm really excited to read the rest now! It's a great story so far! :)

Author's Response: I wasn't expecting any response to this story but this really made me smile! :) I don't think you realize how happy (and relieved) I am that you like it so far!

I'm extremely happy you like Sammy too, I've noticed most people don't really like third person but I always thought you get a better view of the whole picture. :)

Yes, Sammy is the OC and Draco will definitely get knocked down a bit I can promise that! ;)

Thanks so much for reading this and I hope you like the rest of the story too! :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>