This is definitely an interesting start to a story and I'm curious to see where you go with it. I don't believe I'm familiar with the crossover aspect of this story but I can say that I felt so incredibly sorry for Yolanda. I loved that her reaction was to grab a knife on Professor Dumbledore, it made a funny image in my head.
Overall I really liked this and thought it was a great start. Can't wait to read more ^^
~ MilesAuthor's Response: Hi,
Thank you so so much for reviewing my story. :)
I was going to make it a crossover but i changed my mind as I wasn't sure that it would fit in with the story.
Glad you liked it! Report Review
Awww. This is so absolutely adorable. I love that it was so easy to make Lily smile even though she's up late and clearly stressed about exams if she's missing dinner to study. I also love that James thought about doing this. It makes him seem like less of the annoying self centered boy that he's often portrayed as and more like a caring boy who just wants to make the girl he likes smile and happy for once.
I thought the characterization was really good and loved the bit where James told Peter to go back to sleep only to not even have to finish his sentence. Overall I thought it was really well written and a lovely little one-shot and moment to look at them in. I'd love to see more James/Lily written by you as I think the stories would be really cute and lovely.
Great job! ^^Author's Response: yay! I'm so glad you liked it! I hadn't considered doing more James/Lily, but now that you've said it, I just might do someday. No plot bunnies at the moment, but we'll see! Thanks for the encouragement, I hadn't thought about it :) I'm so glad you appreciated that I made him sweeter than we usually see him. That's important to me, there had to be a reason for her to like him, even if she doesn't see it til later :) Thanks for the review!! Report Review
Right from the beginning it was cute and funny. I laughed out loud at the line "I know, I have insane goals." Because I know how much French used to annoy me. I really liked how it was broken up and coming from two different characters points of view. I didn't get it at first but as soon as I realized what was happening I found it really entertaining. I've always been an Oliver Wood fan so I really like fanfics with him in them... making this awesome to read.
It's definitely very cute to see how they meet. It would be lovely to get to see another little snapshot into this kind of pairing, would definitely be entertaining to read. I thought this was well written and the characterizations that you gave were really well done.
Great job! ^^Author's Response: I actually never took French, I just read a book where a character took French and just took the words from there.
I actually do have like two more one-shots coming out with this pairing, plus there are two novels on my page that also have this pairing. I love this pairing.
Glad you liked it! Report Review
I really liked this insight into Narcissa. It's really interesting to get to see this point of view of her and how her reaction came to the news about Draco. I also really liked Lucius and how he went about telling her. My favourite line had to be: '"It is the only way to prove my—" he had fumbled for the right words, careful in his revision, "I mean—our loyalty."' It was definitely something that made me think that he was in a bit of a tailspin because Lucius has never struck me as somebody who would mess up with words like "my" and "our" so it was nice to see.
I loved Bellatrix's reaction to her sister's words. I haven't ever really thought of Bellatrix as any kind of speechless but if there was one thing that I would think would do it it would be that kind of announcement from her sister at dawn on a lonely road. Absolutely loved it :D
Great job. ^^Author's Response: Hey there, MileyMalfoy! Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to read and review. I really appreciate your feedback.
I'm glad you found Narcissa's POV interesting. It is something new for me as a writer, but something I have really grown interested in--it provides a new avenue into the realm of HP, one that is not often explored or considered (at least by me!).
I'm so glad you liked that line--you are right, in that Lucius is not one to fumble with his words, but on this particular subject when he is insecure in himself already, I think he would. He is juggling so many things that are painful not only for himself but also for his family--I imagine him as having to do everything in his power to justify to himself that what he is doing is right. Otherwise, I see him just unraveling at the seams.
And I'm so glad you liked Bellatrix's reaction. I find she is hard to write well--something I'm still working on--but she is one of my favorites to really inhabit as an author. She is just so evil, but complex at the same time.
Thanks again for your read and review. Hope you read more! Would love to know what you think. Report Review
Hi! It's Miles from the forums with your review.
I like the way you did this, had Draco actually showing emotions and deciding to be a better person. I also really like that he seemed to feel guilt about what was going on and about the fact that he hadn't actually been punished but in a way was still getting punished (I'm not sure if that makes sense...)
I really liked your characterization of him, how he was going to go somewhere where Voldemort and his followers hadn't been well known and change himself to make a new life. I also liked the imagery of the fire and the ashes. It's lovely to think of him as having the same ability as a Phoenix, to rise from the ashes of a fire that could very well destroy you.
Great job! Going to read on now.
~ MileyMalfoy ^^Author's Response: Thank you so much! The review really made me smile, and you touched on all the things I love to hear about! Thanks again! :D
-Naida Report Review
Hmmm I like this. It's a very different take from what I've usually read about Victoire and in a way that's really nice to get given she is usually the one that wants to be perfect and such. I really like Teddy, I think he definitely comes across as the kind of character I've always seen him as. Family-centered and well grounded. That said I really can't stand Yvette. It might be because she reminds me of the girls that I used to go to school with but even just from reading this I see her as a fake and a bit of a brat. I get the feeling from the chapter that that's almost how you want her to come across? Which then means that you've done a great job because that's the vibe I'm getting from her!
I really did like the end. It's very much inside the world of girls at Hogwarts - which we never really see given the books are from Harry's point of view - and that seems like something a group of girls would do. Can't wait to see what you do with this!
~ Miles ^^Author's Response: Your wonderful review has just inspired me to go finish chapter three. Thanks so much!
I'm trying to get a banner and a beta so I'll probably wait about a week to post again. Glad you enjoyed it. :) Report Review
Aw I feel so incredibly bad for her! Roger's words were so mean! But yeah it's really good as far as third person is concerned. I like how you incorporated the food that you got given to use as who she was, and it made it feel like this was a pet name for her, something special and unique you know?
I also really like your description of Eloise, it made her seem like a person and not like some of the OCs you see who are all 'perfect with curves in all the right places' and that kind of thing you know? I liked the fact that she seems desperate to be one of the pretty girls though, the use of praying like her muggle mother does to try and get that seems to be a very human reaction and the idea of her reflecting on how she's treated and all the rest just adds to the way I feel sorry for her. I think that it's the makings of a great story and will definitely come back to read more :D
~ MileyMalfoyAuthor's Response: Hey there! :)
I agree! And I always thought Roger to be a very shallow person (remember his response to Fleur during the Yule Ball?), so that dialogue suited him, haha. I don't know how that idea of naming her broccoli came into my mind, but I'm so glad you liked it! :)
Thankyou so much! Yeah, I wanted to potray her as realistically as possible, so I'm really happy it worked! Yess, Eloise has a very low self-confidence; she thinks beautiful people have everything in life (she's wrong, of course).
Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I'm sincerely glad you liked this story, and I hope you come back soon! :)
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! :D Report Review
Wow. I love that this is almost a backstory to how Fenrir became the leader of his pack but really more about his brother. I thought that the characterization was wonderful, that Garm really was very different from his brother and different from what you would expect the stereotypical werewolf to be.
Overall I really liked it. I haven't read this Native American Myth but I did think that this story was well put together and I like that in the end Garm got to be safe and be as normal as possible. I couldn't help being slightly disgusted at his dad though and how his father bit him when he was a newborn. To me that's an absolutely horrible thing to happen but I also thought that it fit the story really well.
MileyMalfoy ^^Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, I thought that Garm would be able to show how Fenrir grew up, and contrast it to how he maybe could have turned out (e.g. Garm, if that makes sense ^^)
I'm really glad you liked it, because I found it a little bit tricky to translate into the wizarding world, but at the same time, I think it turned out pretty loyal to the story.
Oh yes, I felt so sorry for Garm, and I felt terrible as I wrote it- but I think the fathers idea was that if his children never experienced normality, they wouldn't resent being a werewolf, and instead would hate wizards, if you know what I mean? I mean, it worked with Fenrir.
But, yes, I'm really glad you liked it! ^^
Leanne Report Review
I like this. I thought it was a delightfully characterized snippet into a very Gilderoy moment which had me chuckling. There were moments when his ego really helped to astound me. I really liked how you set the scene and then brought him in and the way that you left the story at the end of the chapter. He seems quite the charmer, even more so than I remember from the books, which definitely seems to make a well characterized Gilderoy.
Miles ^^Author's Response: Thank you so much, I love hearing honest opinions on my more obscure ones! Thanks again! Glad you liked Lockhart! :D Report Review
I really and truly laughed at the line: "I tried, but they kept dying," It's so something that I can relate to and I liked that Ginny wasn't this perfect 'I can do everything' person. I love how normal this scene seemed to be, just a young engaged couple going about a day to day activity and getting lost in each other.
Really a lovely piece that I enjoyed.
~ Miles ^^Author's Response: I can relate to that line to, I used to have this wonderful window box and my poor flower just died. I have a living basil plant, but who knows how long that will last :)
Getting lost in each other is to cute
glad you liked!
Lizzie Report Review
I like it! To me it's a logical conclusion after the whole fight that Hermione would be uninvited by Ginny. The thing that shocked me was that Harry didn't seem to say anything about it. He was Hermione's best friend for years! So I was disappointed in him and how he didn't stand up and say she should still come as his guest but I guess he doesn't want to upset Ginny more?
There was one typo that I spotted while reading:
"I'm glad you're hear" - I'm not sure but was that maybe meant to be "here" instead of "hear"?
I really loved this line: "But, being Hermione, letting it go was not an option." I thought it was so completely in character for Hermione to have that kind of opinion. That because she's who she is letting go isn't an option. It never has seemed to be one for her. Draco and his punishment... I couldn't decide if that was cruel or funny.
~ MilesAuthor's Response: Aww yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed it:D
Harry will get more of a voice soo, don't worry:D But, like you said, he didn't want to make Ginny unhappy
Thanks for pointing that out, I really hadn't noticed:/ lol
I liked writing that line because I felt it was true, she doesn't just let go easily! lol:D
Draco's punishment, could be classified as both...lol:D
I'm glad you enjoyed, thanks for the review:D Report Review
I liked this story, I don't often read Percy but this seemed to just skim the surface which was interesting. Honestly I'd like to see a bit more in depth instead of just having a narrator fill in the blanks.
There was one typo that I spotted here: "I wanted to half at least half" - was that first half meant to be 'have'? Other than that I thought it was good. Some of the jumping around took a moment to make sure I understood where they were and like I said I'd love to see a more in depth story about them, what caused him to say that Audrey was right? I'd imagine they had a fight about it or something? At any rate. It was a character I don't often read and I think that it was a nice representation of a storyline we really didn't see anything about.
~ Miles ^^Author's Response: Depth is hard to write for me, same goes for fluff, and emotion. Honestly I think that if I tired to be more deep I would have ruined it.
Erm...The reason Audrey and him fought was the same reason why he left his family Dumbledore Vs. Ministry.
I'm glad you liked it at any rate :) Report Review
I loved this story. It's so cute that at the end James agrees with his mother about liking the rain. I also really like her whole reasoning behind liking the rain, the fact that it holds so many good memories for her is a lovely thing to have that remind her of. I loved how you characterised them both and how you set it in the room with the baby having woken up.
It's cute and sweet just like a short conversation that people are likely to have at that time. I also really liked how at the end you had it shift and had them waiting for the appointment. Definitely a nice ending given the beginning was all about baby James, only fitting that the end should introduce baby Albus.
~ Miles ^^Author's Response: I'm so glad you loved this story, that means a lot! I had such a fun time writing it.
I love James as well, I thought it would be cute if he had that line.
I'm happy that you liked that I put in James's room. I thought it would seem normal I want to make some things real you know?
I'm glad you liked it, that makes me so happy. Thanks for the review:)
Lizzie Report Review
Awww. This was really cute. I liked that it was a happy ending in the end and that they at least got to a point where neither is waiting on the other anymore.
I thought that they were nicely in character, it was funny to see it from Ginny's PoV. I love that she had the devil and the angel to give her some advice about what to do and that they both ended up agreeing. All in all, very interesting.
~ Miles ^^Author's Response: Well imagine you had to wait for a guy for six years, and then he can't get enough of you?
I don't know I think a little tease is in order.
Though I wasn't going to make them wait for such a long time, I mean Harry waited for Ginny too.
I'm glad you liked it :)
Lizzie Report Review
*sobs* I should have warned you that I'm a blabber. I might not cry easily with fics but when you have me crying it's not going to get me to stop... you had me crying with this. It's so sad!
I really liked how you tied everything together by having Rose have a small point of view at the end. It really was incredibly sad to read everything that lead up to it and the description of where she was now made me really glad I had read this.
I noticed one small typo: "but now in a good way" I'm not sure if it is but to me it read like it should be "not" instead of "now"? Figured I'd point that one out given I'd appreciate it if somebody saw something like that in one of mine.
Overall I really did like this - even though it made me cry :P. I thought that it was very sweet how Scorpius behaved and that you handled a tough topic really well.
~ Miles ^^Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry I made you cry:) I'm glad you enjoyed it!:D
I wanted Rose to have that small part, because I'd never read one with that plot:))
Thanks for pointing that out, I really hadn't noticed:/ I appreciate it a lot :D
I'm glad you liked it and thoguht I handled it well!(:
Thanks for the review :D Report Review
"In less than an hour, her world had collapsed." That line just really seemed to drive the whole point home, the fact that Ginny had gone from being her best friend to hating her because of a lie. I like that you portrayed their friendship collapsing, given the circumstances it seemed very in character for both of them to behave how they did. Draco definitely seemed to be in character, talking about what he was going to get out of it and not caring that Hermione was upset. I really liked the last part, that it ended with Hermione getting something from Hagrid.
Good job! ^^Author's Response: I thought that line fit well with the chapter(: Years of friendship down the drain has got to be something that's not easy to deal with!:D
I hoped everyone was in character(:
Yep, so she has her letter, will she go or not? hmmm.:)
I'm glad you enjoyed it, chapter 19 in quere:D Report Review
Sorry it took me so long to get onto reviewing the challenge entries.
This absolutely and utterly gave me chills. I can relate to losing a sibling and I think that you did a beautiful piece representing Narcissa's loss and the way that she is feeling about it. I liked the way that you brought the memories into the piece and showed her coming to an understanding at the end that life would go on whether or not she was there. My favourite part had to be when Narcissa finally said the words aloud. It made sense that she would need to hear it.
I thought that this flowed really well and it did a good job of having something to do with the Carrie Underwood song you got.
Miles ^^Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you liked it! It was really important to me to make Cissy's emotions seem realistic, so I'm glad that it came through well. Having never lost a sibling myself, I had to do a lot of the "what if", so it's nice to hear that the emotions came through. Thanks again! Report Review
I thought that this was so incredibly cute. I like the way that you chose to have Vic being different like this. A lot of the stories have her being the really confident older daughter and have Dom being more shy. I kinda like the idea presented here that the Weasleys really are just too loud for her.
There were a few spots that had some typos, for example it should be: Come on instead of "come one". Other than that I really thought that it was well written and an interesting perspective of Vic character.
MileyMalfoy (Miles from the forums)Author's Response: Thank you so much! The typos have now been corrected, well I did correct it but for some reason it didn't change, so an edited version is in the queue.
Again, thank you for a lovely review. Report Review
Oh my goodness. This is so sad. To have him reflecting on what happened with Lily and everything that had done. I like how she's characterized as somebody who would take anybody being bullied as a personal offense. It makes sense because she's that kind of person from what I've gathered in the books. I really like how all of it leads to him rubbing his arm where the dark mark now sits.
It's nice to think that maybe he did think about her being his lifesaver and that when that protection was gone there was nothing to stop him going under. I really liked the imagery that you used in this story. It made me both incredibly sorry for Severus and slightly annoyed with him that he had called her a mudblood in the first place.
All in all I thought that it was a lovely little piece and missing moment.
(Hufflepuff) Report Review
Aw. This is such a touching moment. I don't know but I always assumed that Sirius and Regulus didn't get on. Kinda like Bellatrix and Sirius. It's nice to see the point of view showing that they actually did. I really liked that Regulus encouraged Sirius to get out and that when he did there were consequences. It was really touching that Sirius didn't want to go without his brother. I particularly liked the fact that Regulus seemed to realize that they couldn't both leave.
I liked that he realized that he was going to end up being marked as a Death Eater. The little note at the end was really prefect for me. It ties the story in to what we already knew about Regulus and makes me think that if Sirius had been around to ask there'd have been no question about who RAB was.
A lovely little moment. Nicely done and well written.
(Hufflepuff) Report Review
"He tried to mentally keep a list of any attributes or characteristics each of the students before him showed as they were being sorted but failed miserably." That has to be my favourite line of this story. The fact that Tom Riddle was trying to be calculating even before being sorted just really seemed in character. I liked the description of the look on Dumbledore's face. I can't decide though if Tom would have been worried or not but I liked that you played it that way as well. It's really interesting to get to see that he felt like he was home because of the snakes on their robes.
Definitely an interesting look at a missing moment that we don't often see. I liked how it was written, not giving away the name until the end.
(Hufflepuff) Report Review
Aw. I absolutely love seeing this moment. The anxiety that Remus seems to feel at the idea of his friends knowing about his condition all the way to the fact that they don't leave but stay there. I like how he kept saying that his mother was ill, but that the others eventually figured it out. The interaction between Sirius and Peter was just lovely, it made me want to laugh. I also really liked that Sirius' first seemed thought is about setting Remus on Snape. Definitely seems in character for him.
I liked that they were amused by the secret and thought that it was cool. Not exactly what Remus was expecting :P I also really enjoyed that James then went on as if life was just normal. As if you figure out one of your friends is a werewolf and it's nothing new, next up homework. It really seemed realistic for boys of that age group.
I thought it was really well written and enjoyable.
(Hufflepuff) Report Review
Reading that I felt so utterly terrible for Albus. He's a little boy and he's having to suffer for what his father has done. It makes me really sad to see how his mother was trying to be brave, and not always managing. I like the fact that she tried to show that they weren't muggle haters by dressing them both up in muggle clothes. I also liked that she did show emotion to her son and wasn't totally distant. I thought that the characterization of both mother and son was done very well. You really seemed to get inside the head of an eleven year old in this situation and be able to explain it.
I thought it was really realistic that Albus would have been angry that his father wasn't there. Especially because you portrayed them as having such a close relationship. I especially liked the fact that you had his mother give him something that he knew to be his father's. It really makes it feel like even though his father had done some bad things and was paying for them he was still there. He was still a father to his son. Which is important.
It's really interesting to see that Albus shied away from being in compartments with older students. I like that that seems to lead him to the last compartment and how that plays out. It's so cute to see the widened eyes in excitement of Elphias as he hopes for somebody to join him. I really liked the interaction of the boys in the train and couldn't help feeling glad that they had found each other, somebody else that understands what it's like to have people not want to be around you.
I would love to be able to see where this goes. I mean I know the outline of it but it would be nice to see it from Albus' point of view.
Really well written and enjoyable. I could feel the emotions going through him.
(Hufflepuff) Report Review
That was absolutely amazing. It's so funny to think of a little girl wanting to grow up to be an old woman. I liked that Harry and Ginny were both characterized as not wanting to be woken right then. I also liked that they laughed. I don't think that there would be any way that they could not have laughed at that.
It was so cute to see Lily almost beginning to cry. Your description of her and her two missing teeth, the way that she was so excited and how she woke her parents were just all incredibly cute and sweet. I can almost see this actually happening to them. The final bit, about her not wanting the wrinkles, was just hilarious. I really thought that that was exactly the kind of logic that you would see from a four year old. I love that she doesn't even know that she's really said anything funny but it comes across to all of us as humorous.
Well written and entertaining. Great job!
(Hufflepuff)Author's Response: I'm no great shakes at humor, so I'm glad you enjoyed this little piece!
Lily has always been this little, disheveled child in my head and I wanted that to come across in the piece. Children are so innocent, and sometimes they don't realize that that innocence is just so funny!
Thank you so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Aw. Colin is so cute when you see him from this angle! The idea that he got called a mudblood. I almost wanted to hit that girl right then and there. I thought it was really interesting to see this snapshot that we missed because of Dobby. It was so cute to see his confusion about hats talking. And that he went red. I really thought that your characterization of Colin was completely accurate. And really really cute. It seemed really in character that he would stop to take a picture of the ceiling. His opinion of himself, that he is just normal, not really smart or brave, was also completely adorable. I'm really glad that I got to read this snapshot of his sorting.
Incredibly adorable and well written.
(Hufflepuff)Author's Response: I'm sad we missed Colin's sorting in the books, and Ginny's too.Thank you for your review of this one-shot :) Report Review
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