Reading Reviews From Member: goddessofsnark
  
101 Reviews Found

Review #1, by goddessofsnarkHarry Woke Up: Draco Waits

26th August 2007:
Have I ever told you how amazing this is? Because there are not words to describe how awesome this is. And there is not a way to put into a review box how much I enjoy this story. It's wonderful, masterful, amazing, and I love it.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for enjoying this story so much and for leaving me comments! You're too kind! I do hope it continues to entertain you! (o:

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Review #2, by goddessofsnarkNo Words: No Words

20th August 2007:
I...love this. I found it through tracking down your horribly patronising review (and yes, some people just don't "get" this kind of story) and well, when I saw what kind of a story it was, I had to read it. And I fell in love. As someone who absolutely adores the sort shadowy play of never giving a proper name, this is amazing. There are few who can pull it off well, and you are one of them. Managing to give away who it is, without needing to name them, ever.

Managing to portray a story without needing dialogue. Without needing more than a physical description.

You don't even mention their emotions, not really, rather, you let the reader infer them, you've mastered the art of showing, not telling, and it is a beautiful, beautiful piece. I absolutely adore it, and think it's amazing. (and there's no such thing as too many big words. They only break flow if you have a rubbish vocabulary and don't know what something like "interminable" means).

By far one of the best dramione's I've ever read.

Author's Response: Haha, so it wasn't all in my head :P
When I started writing this it was something entirely different - and it just sort of evolved... and I agree with you in reference to not naming them, that was what I liked about it.
I cannot thank you enough for this absolutely gorgeous review - you have completely made my day!
xox Kylie


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Review #3, by goddessofsnarkReturning From the Shadows: The Final Battle

5th August 2007:
Ok, you know the term "diamond in the rough?" That's this. The only thing, at the moment, that will keep me going through this is that it is my favorite ship on the planet.

The beginning...HOLY WALL OF TEXT BATMAN. Break it down into smaller paragraphs. Seeing that at the beginning of the story is enough to scare away readers and have lots of people hit the back button before you can shout "avada kedavra!"

The dialogue is very stitled here. Try reading it out loud, you'll find that it sounds nothing like a natural conversation. It's not something people would say out loud. Severus would never compliment Harry, he might grudgingly admit that Potter had a lot to do with the end of the war, but he'd never compliment the boy.

Ron's anger is perfectly in line, it's just expressed badly. The biggest problem with this is the dialogue. That, and you've given no backstory to why Hermione and Snape are involved. I understand that you want to give more info in later chapters, but a little bit of an introduction to the relationship would be nice.

It needs a lot of work and a lot of polish. But...my love for Hermione and Snape together will keep me plodding through this. It has the potential to be so much more, it's a good solid concept, the dialogue is just dragging it down. It's very formal, stilted and not at all natural sounding. Try saying each line out loud, having the conversations, and you'll see what I mean. Keep working at it, and you'll get better. Practice, does, after all, make perfect.

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing those out to me!

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Review #4, by goddessofsnarkWhy Us?: A New Beginning

4th August 2007:
First of all, i suggest proofreading. there are spelling errors galore.

Second...how did Vernon, Petunia and Dudley all not notice the sudden girl that just magically appeared in Harry's room?

Third-this is very rushed. Slow down, breathe, take your time with it. You don't have to spit everything out in ten setences.

It has potential, it's just very rough around the edges right now. this is one of those fics that a year from now you're going to look on it and go "how could i write this because you've got the potential to be great in there, you just need to work at it. Practice does, after all, make perfect.

Author's Response: i thought the fist few chapters of my fic sucked, too. but im not going to edit them. it was and still is my first novel and i want it to feel that way as well.

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Review #5, by goddessofsnarkAt The End Of All Things: At The End Of All Things

4th August 2007:
I like this. You capture the raw emotion that is McGonagall so well, her stoic composure in the face of things and refusing to show emotion, but rather, simply to feel it. It's so well done, it's a beautiful beautiful piece. AD/MM has always been a pet ship of mine, and it's such a shame JKR shot it down. But this is just a beautiful piece on what could have-should have been, marvelously well written, and I enjoyed it thoroghly. Me Likey.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you! That's flattering, really. I'm so happy that you liked it. I loved writing this story, it's like my little child :]
Yeah, I know, I love AD/MM, why did JKR have to do this to us? I mean, it could have stayed unknown, for fans to decide, but no, she has to contradict it. Whatever.
Thanks again, so much, your review made my day!


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Review #6, by goddessofsnarkWayside Affection: Wayside Affection

4th August 2007:
I figured I'd check out your stuff too, considering that we have such different views on writing, and to be honest, i didn't know what to expect...but I certainly didn't expect this. This was absolutely phenomenal, you have a way with descriptions making them vivid and not overdone. The thought of the rain bouncing up from the ground, the trees trying to avoid it, it was masterful. And of course the description of the kiss...it is very well done, even if it is pandering to the public. ;) I like. I like a lot.

Author's Response: Oh, I am just so very happy now. ^_^ We come from different worlds, but there's something that connects us: the overwhelming love for writing. Thank you. This truly means a lot to me. Expect more visits from me. Now I'm intrigued. ^_^

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Review #7, by goddessofsnarkRe-Memo: Chapter Two: Tell Her Tonight

4th August 2007:
Formatting, formatting, formatting! You're likely driving readers away from a pretty decent story just from the eyesore of formatting. You can't tell who's saying what, because you attempt to just indent and it gets eaten when it's thrown up here. Double space between each paragraph, start a new paragraph each time dialogue switches from person to person, and don't indent.

Other than that, grammar is pretty decent.

I don't like the idea of Snape being a cold-hearted murderer, but I'm a Snape fangirl. Though it was never part of his character to kill and take sick perverted pleasure in it, the way you describe it.

Nor can I see Draco's family having places to live in the States. I can see the Malfoys thinking they're above "dirty Americans." though I do love the idea of Draco thinking Flavor of Love is amazing.

The basic premise behind this is good, the style is good, just the devil is in the details. And the formatting. I like the plot so far, its not bad, but the formatting has probably driven away potential reviews.

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Review #8, by goddessofsnarkRe-Memo: Only In Dreams

4th August 2007:
I like the start of this, and the biggest errors I can find are with the formatting. Indents in stuff on the internet just look BAD and make things harder to read. So stick with the justified paragraphs where everything is neat and lines up. Also, elipses are three dots, not a whole chain of them. Try makin the diary bit italicised, to offset it a bit, make it easier to differentiate with the change in narrative.

Other than that, it's a good, decent prologue. The style's not bad, the idea is good for an OC fic, the OC doesn't seem like a total mary sue (yet) not too shabby at all.

Author's Response: mary sue? i'm new at this; i don't really speak "fic writer" yet...
THANK YOU SO MUCH for both of your reviews!
as i said, i'm new at this, and am (correspondingly) horrible with computers, so the formatting has been awful the first four chapters. but i'm taking away all indents, and italicizing, as you recommended, and i hope it works.
thank you so much,
charlie
ps- Snape will get better, just not in the preachy deathly-hallows sense. you were right, though, he's more nuanced than i made him.
pps- flavor of love was so much fun to add in, but you're the first person to read my story who thought it was funny (and didn't get sticklerish about the ten-years-behind-now thing.) thanks!


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Review #9, by goddessofsnarkAutumn Frost: Autumn frost

2nd August 2007:
You have a way with descriptions, you know that? The descriptions are amazing, you use uncommon metaphors that make it seem so fascinating.The giant octopus of a cloak in the one that springs to mind the most.

I love the way you've turned Hermione jaded and slightly cynical, while at the same time preserving a bit of the naivety that is...her. She's at once innocent and tarnished, and it's amazing.

This is just a phenominal piece, and there's not many other ways to describe it than amazing. I truly enjoyed this.

Author's Response: Dear Goddessofsnark!

Wow, it's amazing reading a review written by the author of one of my favourite stories, "The Vicious Cabaret"! Thanks a lot!

I'm glad you liked the story, your opinion means a lot to me!

You know, it's a very interesting writing a story with Snape and a second person. In my opinion Rowling has given Snape such a multidimensional character that only some of her other characters (like Dumbledore) can match him. Just think of the HPDH. She found her other characters in a peculiar situation (but then again, it's just my theory :), don't take it seriously); they seem a little weightless in comparison with Snape. So this was my dilemma, I had to make Hermione equal (as much as my skills allowed it) to Snape. And for that she had to become more mature, she had to become just as many layered as people who have lived through tragic times.
That was, in my opinion, the only way to build up the awkward, yet important realtionship between Snape and Hermione.

So, thank you very much for your review! It meant a lot! wings


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Review #10, by goddessofsnarkHarry Woke Up: Harry Wigs

2nd August 2007:
I loved this chapter, it was rather amazing. The frustration between them coming to a head, and the flipping out, it's so marvelous, and amazing. You've got the tension between them down so well, and Draco's speech was so...Draco. Knowing exactly how to rile. Marvelously in character despite all the things that should be driving them out of character, it's a testament to being a good author that you can take a plot that would make lesser authors run in fear, and decent authors warp into a horribly OOC thing, and keep it wonderfully in character. This is just an amazing work.

Author's Response: Hi, back again are you? Thanks for reading and leaving a lovely review! I like this chapter, but I also tend to like fights and such - they're so full of passion and emotion, teehee.

I'm so glad the tension is so great, because - well, it should be evident! Thanks so much for the kind words and comments about writing in character, etc. I really appreciate it! And I'm honored that you'd consider me a good author based on this tricky story line and the characterisations. Thanks heaps! (o:


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Review #11, by goddessofsnarkLust is my Sin: Lust is my Sin

29th July 2007:
I love this. It's so wonderfully well done, and I am in awe of the way you can spin sentences together. It's just absolutely masterful. You get the idea behind the lust down so well, he's driven to take her, and he gives in in the process. It's just amazing, is what it is.

I love the portrayal of Lucius as somewhat reserved, and more than slightly afraid, so different from the stereotypical portrayal and it makes him seem that much better. That much more human.

And the portrayal of Bella as the hard seductress is amazing, it seems so fitting that she is the one to finally lure him in, despite his constant lingering back, it shows how masterful she is, and it's just a beautiful portayal.

But Rodolphus is perhaps the best out of all, if only because we never really see his personality in the books, he's mentioned, but he isn't fleshed out, and you do so well to describe him and make him real. Its just amazing, I can almost imagine talking to him, seeing him, being seduced by him.

I like, and I like very much.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for the great review. ^_^ I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and liked my portrayal of the characters. I basically had nothing to work with besides knowing his wife and Death Eater title when I decided to write about Rodolphus, so it was a challenge but I'm happy you thought it paid off!
I chose not to show the one-sided version of Lucius that he is perceived as by the 'good guys', so to speak. I wanted to look at how he might seem to people closer to him and at a point in his life where he is quite vulnerable.
And I just found this side of Bella quite fun to write! She's one of the best characters in HP and I really enjoyed writing her.
Thank you sooo much again for the review!


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Review #12, by goddessofsnarkForget Him: Forget Him.

29th July 2007:
No, this is certainly not cliche at all. Very well written, aside from a few typos here and there. (IE "She took want she was given" when you meant "She took what she was given) but nothing that really detracts from the story over all. Its very well done, and surprisingly in character for the subject matter in hand. While my view on Hermione is that she's too stubborn to give in like that, you portrayed it very well, and managed to sway my opinion, at least for the length of this piece. I quite enjoyed it in all of it's dark, angsty glory. Very well done.

Author's Response: Oh yay! Thanks, I'm glad you think so.
Oh, I'll work on that. I'm trying to wait for a banner to edit it again.
In character you think? Oh thank goodness. I always worry about that with Dramiones.
I swayed an opinion of yours? Really! Awesome :)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks for reviewing!
xxLily


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Review #13, by goddessofsnarkThe Silver Doe: Of Innocent Does and Enchanted Lilies

29th July 2007:
This is absolutely beautiful. I love your descriptions, they're gorgeous and awesomely descriptive, and they paint such a great picture of industrial England. The one line that sticks out the most is "There is no such thing as perfection" as he crushes the daisy. It just feels so...emotional, and descriptive of his character to do that, even at such a young age.

This is just an awesome beginning, and I would love to see more, I'm very very much enjoying this so far.

Author's Response: Thank you so much :D And especially for the part about my grasping of the industrial England ^^ The first couple of chapters will probably revolve around Severus's and Lily's first meeting, their early friendship and a little about Petunia and the rest of the children in the town. Boring to someone, but I think it's interesting in an odd way :) Industrial England is an intriguing era of British history.

I'm currently working hard on perfecting chapter two (I love fics where the chapters are about the same length, it gives a great sense of stability, but after running a wordcount I realized that Chapter 2 has over 7000 words *blinks* Need to cut it down, perhaps break it in half)

Thank you so much for the review and your encouraging words :D I'm so glad you like it, seems kind of pointless to continue if I'm the only one enjoying it :P ^^


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Review #14, by goddessofsnarkBreakaway: Breakaway

29th July 2007:
May I suggest a beta? There's lots of little spelling and grammar errors all throughout this, but nothing horribly glaring. Just lots of little things. Like not capitalizing an "i" or misspelling "arguing" etc.

I liked this, for the most part. I think you can get away with emphasizing screaming without having to do all caps, personally, the all-caps in the first few lines was kinds detracting. Snape feels a little too bipolar in this, but I can see it working. He goes from crying to smiling, and it feels a bit too sudden. Try expanding on this, spreading it out, and it will be amazing. As is,its good, it just needs a lot of polish.

Author's Response: I'm horrid at spelling and grammar ( as you can obviously tell). I'll try to take the caps out. I may go back and add more later, but I wanted it to be short. Sorry if you're disappionted. Glad you liked it! Thanks so much for reviewing!

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Review #15, by goddessofsnark:

29th July 2007:
I don't know. I like the concept, of both of them in Azkaban and Regulus sticking up for his big brother, but the writing feels very...stilted. Very overly-formal. It's a lot of "he did this. He did that." and it gets very dry very fast. It feels like you're trying too hard to obey the rules of grammar, and ignoring the fact that little rules can be broken to make it read better and sound better.

Other than that though, it is a great idea, and I would like to see what happens with it, it just needs to...flow better.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. I am glad that it was not a "I like it keep writing" and even though it was harsh, I am glad you spoke your mind. :D

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Review #16, by goddessofsnarkBackflip: Romancing the Flower

27th July 2007:
Dinner felt really overdone for them being students. And I can't see Dumbledore agreeing to it. Lucius, perhaps, using his sway as Governor, but not Dumbledore. It just felt horribly, horribly over the top. The writing is good, but the action is just...too overdone. It's something that would happen after they graduate, not while they were in school.

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Review #17, by goddessofsnarkBackflip: Let the Games Begin

26th July 2007:
I'm curious to know who sent her the awful poem...I was about to go off on a tangent about how horribly OOC that was until Draco swore it wasn't him. And I'm tempted to side with Draco. I like this so far, aside from the lack of commas. Although it does tend to, at parts, read like a bulleted list. "She did this. She did that. She brushed her hair. She went to the great hall" etc. But other than that it's good.

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Review #18, by goddessofsnarkBackflip: Silent Vow

26th July 2007:
The first thing I noticed-commas are your friends, they don't bite, use them. There's lots of places, especially the further down you go, that need commas.

Second, Draco seems a little...flowery. Poetic. Which seems to be perfectly in character for fanon Draco, but I never particularly cared for fanon Draco.

Other than that, it is very well written, and I am interested to see where it will go. I like the way you've characterized Pansy, so often she winds up like the town bicycle in fics, and in this one she's the complete opposite. I like it.

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Review #19, by goddessofsnarkConfessions: My Name is Jane

26th July 2007:
I like this, I really do. I think you have the concept of the completely self-absorbed "I'm hot and I know it" teenager down perfectly and it's hilarious. You fully realize how completely full of herself and perfect the character is, and use that to your complete advantage. In the hands of a weaker author, it'd come across as a complete mary-sue, but you manage to pull it off and convey the concept of the satire very very well.

I think the best line so far is "Lily, focus, we're talking about me!" and it just is hilariously awesome. Please do continue, I'm liking this idea so far.

My only complaint would to be to offset thoughts a bit-italicize them or something, like the "oh this so works" line when she's looking at herself in the mirror, etc.

But this is bloody hilarious, and I can't wait to see more.

Author's Response: Wow ... I think my face would rip if my smile got any larger. Thank you so much! I was really worried that I hadn't pulled off the satire well. The last thing on earth I wanted was another Mary Sue. Thank you for pointing out the lack of italics, I'll deffinetly look into that. I'm going to go back through and do a quick edit for grammer and italics and such. Thank you for the awesome review, and as soon as I get a new chapter up I will deffinetly let you know! :)

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Review #20, by goddessofsnarkA Cold Heaven: Part II

26th July 2007:
This was just amazing. The only things I can think of is there's a spot in the first flashback here where you call him "moony" instead of "padfoot" and it would've been nice to see the "even in death he glowed brighter" line return.

Other than that, this was absolutely magnificent. I love the return of Regulus, and even more than that, Gabriel. This was just an amazing piece, and I adored reading it. You're a master at making slash believable, and this is by far one of the best things I've read yet. It's just amazing. I love it...and I'm becoming redundant, but it's good.

Author's Response: You've made a valid point about seeing the return of that line as it would make sense to come back...I guess I just never made the connection myself, which sounds awful since it's my story. Thank you so much for the kind review. :)

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Review #21, by goddessofsnarkA Cold Heaven: Part I

26th July 2007:
I love this. It's huge, and it's so well written, and it's just so well done. You have James down so well as the arrogant, holier-than-thou boy, you seem to make a doubtful Sirius work, and it's just amazing. I love this, and cannot find a single fault with it, this is easily one of the best works I've seen, and by far one of the best slashy works I've seen.

Author's Response: I'm so glad to see such a nice review from you. Thank you so much!! ;)

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Review #22, by goddessofsnarkAbsence is Constant: Absence is Constant

26th July 2007:
As someone who normally loathes and despises the present tense, you did a very good job of this. My only complaint is that the dream thing feels a little out of place, as if you're trying too hard to tip him off that it wasn't Sirius. But it was still well written, just like the rest of this piece, and it was marvelous at making you feel the sense of absolute utter loss that Remus feels. It's magnificent, and I love it.

Author's Response: Yeah, I sometimes have problems with adding things in my story that aren't always necessary but I want them there to make easier transitions into things. I'll keep that in mind for future reference though and make a point to avoid doing that. Thank you so much for reviewing.

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Review #23, by goddessofsnarkResistance: Chapter One

25th July 2007:
I like the idea behind it. There's a great start to it, my same complaint from your George fic still stands, and that's the issue of flow, something that will resolve itself with practice. But it's always worth the concious effort to realize that the sentences tend to be blunt and a bit jarring, and in some parts a bit repetative. A tip that helped me is try reading your story out loud, and change it until it sounds good. (Best do this when you have the house to yourself, you get weird looks otherwise.)

But this is a great idea, and I like your approach to this challenge so far, and I would rather enjoy seeing the rest of this, and what happens in it. I like this one rather a lot so far.

Author's Response:
I'll revise it and try to fix some of the flow issues. I think I have the house to myself for a while tomorrow, so I'll also read it aloud to myself.

I'm glad you like it thus far. Perhaps I'll see some more reviews from you in the future.

-Carrie


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Review #24, by goddessofsnarkBitten: Prologue; The Last Breath

25th July 2007:
Wow. This was perhaps one of the most powerful, gripping things I have never read. I've never read something that conveys blind panic as well as this. Never. You just do such an amazing job with it. I like the short paragraphs that are sentences long, it quickens the pace and gives the feeling of running to the piece. This is just superb, and I almost don't want to read the rest for fear that it will taint what a brilliant piece this is. It really is amazing, and I really cannot wait to see where you take this.

Author's Response: Wow. :D Thanks a lot for the encouraging words! I guess I'm sort of a paranoid person, thinking that perfectly innocent strangers on the street is really out to get me, so henceforth the panicky lines :P

And I, too, think that short paragraphs helps the speed of a story immensely. Sometimes it is discouraging to read a story where all of the paragraphs lasts for a page or two :P

Thanks again, and I share your fear: The next chapters will most likely drop in both excitement and quality. Still, I am thinking about making this story sort of an emotional roller coaster with action and angst.

Thanks so much for the review, and I hope you will read on :D


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Review #25, by goddessofsnarkInsanity: insanity

25th July 2007:
Small little typos, like dishelmed when i think you meant disheveled, etc. Also, the style is very..formal. Rigid. Do you do a lot of techncial writing? Because that's what this feels like, it's very much locked in to what it is without really flowing. Which is a bit of a shame because the idea behind it is really quite good, and the imagery, it it flowed more would be amazing.

Although I don't know who it's supposed to be. It seems to be, from the banner, someone in the Malfoy family, but there's nothing to suggest that in the story. Im all for keeping characters mysterious and making the reader figure out who you're talking about, but a decent clue is usually helpful.

I think that this would do much better as just an original, the concept is great, you have the idea of the insanity down fine, but it doesn't seem to fit any of the HP characters. Other than that, just work on making it flow and it will be amazing.

Author's Response: Yeah it's supposed to be about Draco. The writing is based on Edgar Allen Poe's technique to writing. I'll keep what you've said in mind. Thanks for reviewing. :]]

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