If you want me to be perfectly honest, the story seemed nice, but there was a few things that bugged me.
When you had paragraphs, they were run-on paragraphs. Meaning they had 11-20 sentences to each. And you didn't have much. Also when you put dialog, it was confusing to know who said who, and hurt my eyes to go back and forth with the lines. I suggect maybe a one line break between each knew dialog.
Oh and you may want to watch you I's. You tend to put i instead of I alot.
But other then that, the story is orignial. Does it take place exactly that what happens in the 2 book/movie? I'm just wondering. =D Keep writing because despite my comments, I wouldn't mind reading more.
I don't have any stories at the moment, but when my story is up, I would like you to read it and review. ^^
~LisaAuthor's Response: Hey there Lisa!
Thanks for being so honest and giving me pointers i actually need!! I must apologize for my typing style i thought it would be easier to read if it wasn't so bunched up..LOL proves how wrong i could be haha, and also i typed the dialog that way as i thought it would make it easier to tell who was talking haha funny how it turned out completely opposite!! & about the I s the only excuse is that i'm just lazy LOL... anywho thanks for your pointers and suggestions! i'll remember when i post up the next chapter!
And to answer your questions, yes it does have the same events happening in the 2nd book/movie as i wanted to rewrite another side to the story but more focus on Draco with Chloe added into the picture to see how she effects him and the events in the book etc. I know it's probably just a lazy way to write a story but yeah i thought it would be interesting to do that. Oh and just so you know this story will start from year 2 till the very last book, if people will still read my story by then that is! haha
When you've posted your story i would be delighted to read it! Just tell me when it's up! ^^
Thanks again for taking time out to review!! =) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection