Reading Reviews From Member: IWannaPlay
  
85 Reviews Found

Review #1, by IWannaPlayThe Puppet: The Puppet

12th April 2007:
That was incredible and depressing all at once. Poor Severus, shivering alone at the end of it all, after sacrificing so much... This really brought tears to my eyes. I have tried to hate him as Harry did, but it is nearly impossible with Dumbledore's certainty echoing in my head the whole time.
I for one pray that by the end, somehow everyone will know one way or the other which side he was/is on. I personally still cling to the belief that he was acting on Dumbledore's orders, but I guess we will have to wait and see.
10/10

Author's Response: Hi there IWannaPlay !! Thanks so much for such a lovely review, I'm so happy that you found this little story so moving. I too am hoping that we'll all find out where his loyalties lie soon & *fingers crossed* it'll be on the side of 'good'. Plus I'm really hoping he doesn't get 'killed off' either !!
~Hugs
~Lai.


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Review #2, by IWannaPlayA Trip Through the Rumor Mill: Chapter Two- The One With Ginny

11th April 2007:
More grammar mistakes right away - Here instead of hear, keep instead of kept, things like that. Those can really mess up a great story, so you might want to go back and fix them when you get a chance.
The point of view is very confusing, bouncing from Ron to Harry to Ginny, then back to Harry, then to both Harry AND Ginny... That needs some work.
I also felt that chapters 1 and 2 could have easily been combined into a single long chapter.
It still has a good amount of humor to it, especially with Ron's long rant at the end. I do not believe that Harry would think Ron was pathetic. Ginny might, but not Harry. That was far too harsh coming from Harry.

Author's Response: Thank you for pointing out the grammer mistakes. I am working with a beta now. This story is going to go through a revision soon and I am glad that you thought there was a good amount of humor in it. Thank you for reading and reviewing

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Review #3, by IWannaPlayA Trip Through the Rumor Mill: The One With the Rumor

11th April 2007:
There were a few obvious spelling & grammar mistakes that I noticed right away (just for example: 'a mixture of fear and angry spread across his already freckled face' - angry instead of anger. Then this: He was as man after all about to start Auror training - which should say 'a man after all' ), and I felt that Harry's fear of Ron was way over dramatized. I also felt that you shouldn't have thrown in the comments about it being a PG story... that just takes away from it in my opinion. If you wanted to clear that up, it could have been done better. Those were the only major flaws I could see.
I love Ron's reaction. I felt it was very genuine for his character. Also, I felt you did great with the humor sprinkled throughout this chapter. I especially loved the bit about defeating Voldie on their job applications... that was hysterical;) The humor throughout this chapter was well placed and timed, so I laughed in all the expected places, which is a good thing. 8/10 for this chapter, and I can't wait to read the rest:)


Author's Response: Thank you for pointing out the grammer mistakes. I am going to have this story revised soon.

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Review #4, by IWannaPlayWhy Me?: Always and forever broken

11th April 2007:
I didn't care for how abruptly she told him she couldn't be with him, because I think it would have made more sense for him to find out slowly over time. Watching them together, seeing her face light up, hearing James going on and on about her... that sort of thing.
Still it tore my heart out to read about how much pain he was in over her. Just his description of her, and then the whole scene at her wedding - it nearly had me in tears:( My poor, sweet, sexy Remus... (please don't tell Sirius I said that, as he is my 1st true love...lol)
It WAS a bit detached because he never mentioned any names, but I have no idea what the actual challenge was, so I can't really comment on that. Over all 9/10 because despite my mixed feelings about the plot, I loved the writing style and the raw emotion behind it. I could really relate to his heartbreak, and could easily feel sympathy for him. *wipes away tears* now I will have to go read something cheerful with Remus in it. :::sniff::: good job!

Author's Response: thanks for the advice and I will work on that :) lol..I won't tell, I promise ;P thanks for 9/10 and the good job!!

thanks for the review!!

♥Cait


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Review #5, by IWannaPlayFidelity: A Disturbance in the Force

11th April 2007:
I know better than to read WIP stories, but I couldn't resist! This is great! I can't WAIT to see how it goes! Poor ... everybody! LOL They are ALL wrong in their relationships!
I know, this should be a more 'proper' review, but I'm just so caught up in the story! I am DYING to see how they end up switching sides. They WILL be switching, right? :::tries to look menacing::: They BETTER!!! j/k
Well written, good job! The opening was brilliant! It had me hooked immediately! I LOVE drama stories, but especially if they have a happy ending *hint hint*

Author's Response: Haha, they are all wrong...but hey, they're human! Of course they'll switch...unless they don't, mwah ha ha. I too love drama stories...and happy endings (psst, I got the hint!). Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #6, by IWannaPlayFeelings: Feelings--Loathing

11th April 2007:
I normally do not care for song fics, especially if they are fluffy ones, but I put that aside so I could review properly. Also, I want to let you know that I have never heard the song this was based on (sorry for that).
I don't like the shared dorm idea, never have. Then there was this one sentence that I didn't care for: 'It was her first day of her last year at Hogwarts.' I think it should be 'It was the first day of her last year at Hogwarts'. There it is, my only flow complaint...lol. Now on with the goodies:
Several things you said here had me laughing out loud (yes, my youngest daughter now thinks Mommy is losing her marbles). One of my favorite lines: 'James-Marauder-for-life-Potter was Head Boy!' I love that!!! There were actually several more that gave me the giggles, but I'm sure you get the idea.
You have captured my idea of James pretty well. I see him as someone with an uncanny knack for putting his foot in his mouth, saying the wrong thing to ruin the moment, but he still loves her with his whole heart and soul, and feels that no one could ever be good enough for someone like her. To me, that sums him up beautifully.
Now that whole bit with Lily, stumbling over her words while trying to keep Sirius at bay... that was genius! I read the sentence 3 times, laughing harder each time. She was flustered, completely thrown off guard by the whole scene with James, and you reflected that beautifully. I dearly loved Sirius reaction as well, so great job for that too!
Over all you did an excellent job, which is saying a lot since I usually HATE song fics. I really enjoyed reading it. It was beautiful, humorous, and touching all at the same time. Good job:)

Author's Response: Pity about the song...it's very good, along with every other song from Wicked, gosh I wish I could see it! Thanks for the flow complaint, I'm editing this right now and things like that are very helpful. I totally agree with your vision of James...isn't he adorable?? I'm so glad you liked it...thanks for reviewing!

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Review #7, by IWannaPlayFlooded Hope: A Little Bit Taller

9th April 2007:
This chapter flowed a lot better than the first. It still has a few kinks, but nothing major. Hannah reminds me of me... terrible I know, but I feel the exact same way, especially in public. I am always content to sit in the background and hide from the world, and I always feel awkward dressed up, especially after having kids. Maybe that is why I like her so much.
You haven't mentioned Archie yet, but I assume he is there somewhere. Perhaps we will see him in the next chapter? I really liked him, even if he is a prat.
Lana absolutely makes me sick, as she is EXACTLY like some of the people I went to school with. This chapter just proved that big time! kill her first, ok? lol j/k.
I do have one complaint... why not write longer chapters? I only say that because I have absolutely NO patience...lol. I guess I will have to wait like everyone else:(
Last chapter got 8/10, but this one is definitely a 9/10. I could definitely see improvement here, which makes me think with the 1st chapter you were in a bit of a rush. I don't blame you, as I said about myself, NO PATIENCE, so it is understandable. Keep up the good work:) I am anxious to see what happens next!
BTW, how much have you already written? Im about 4 chapters ahead in my story, but then again I shortened the chapters quite a bit to help out the validators while the writers duel is going on (giving them less work). Hopefully today I can write even more on mine, but I thought I would do some reviews first. Ok, I'm shutting up now. You can find me on the forums under IWannaPlay or on my myspace site (type MySpace's addy and add /iwannaplaysirius), whichever you want.

Author's Response: Another long review?! You rock. I write short chapters because I have no patience to write longer ones, lol. I get past 1000 words and then I'm sick of it. And I've written three chapters.

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Review #8, by IWannaPlayFlooded Hope: Coffee on the News

9th April 2007:
Your wording in the beginning was a bit awkward (things like 'the complete wrong way', and over using their names. See the paragraph that begins 'Perched on a stool'...).
This statement : 'The jobs were divided this way quite simply because Lana was more attractive than Hannah.' didn't sit well with me. I think it would have been much more fitting if she assumed this was the reason rather than having it so boldly stated as fact. Also, I think it should be listed as A/U, since Sirius was too busy to be getting married in the books, what with Voldie trying to murder his best friends.
Over all it didn't flow that well, and I think it needs a few changes that could easily fix that.
The story itself is intriguing, being invited to the wedding of her former love. I'm curious to know which of them invited her... if it was Sirius, he may have done it looking for a way out of his marriage. I think it would take a lot to get him to commit, so I am quite curious to see what hooked him.
Archie's character reminds me a bit of some people I used to know... always trying to sound much smarter than they really were by spouting nonsense. Good job with him.
Lana is also one I remember well from high school; always overly dramatic with romance, yet never having any trouble finding someone new. Impossible to satisfy I would guess, right?
Hannah beats herself up a lot, so I hope she will eventually start to see some beauty in herself. It's great that she isn't like Lana, but I hope she gains a bit of confidence as the story goes on.

I want to make sure that you know that I did actually enjoy the story, and I am not trying to be mean with what I said. I was hoping that something I said made sense to you, to help you improve this chapter or future chapters, because it is a good story.
I am adding it to my favorites, and will check back for the next chapter soon. Sirius is one of my absolute favorite characters, so I look forward to seeing what you can do with him:)

-Carrie Anne AKA IWannaPlay

Author's Response: Thank you SO much for the long review. You don't know how much I appreciate that! The critique was all amazing! Thanks a bunch!

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Review #9, by IWannaPlayThe Music Box: Three

8th April 2007:
It was choppy and abrupt... it felt very rushed. I'm not sure I understand her brash behavior completely, but I don't know the full story, so I can't really say much about that.
I'm dying to see how she can manage to turn these people around, especially Lucius. Peter I can see, but Lucius... that is going to be hard, especially given her background.

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Review #10, by IWannaPlayThe Music Box: Prologue/chapter one

8th April 2007:
***Contains Spoilers to this story***


I felt that Hermione was too accepting to everything that Dumbledore was saying after she fainted. Telling her to kill Voldie like that should have scared and shocked her a bit more. I suppose you could say she was pressed for time though.
I didn't care for the Marauders speaking to each other that way... it sounded staged for them to say each others names at the end of each sentence, plus I doubt they would use those names in front of others. However, I guess it is also possible that no one else was within earshot, and they thought she was passed out.
Besides everyone acting somewhat out of character, there was enough detail that I am inclined to continue reading. I am dying to know how she is going to pull off all the things Dumbledore requested of her.
Your idea overall is excellent - Hermione having to go back, I love that. I wasn't really concerned about the office being locked because if no one was in there, it could still be locked, so you can go back and fix that later on, no biggie.
I also love the idea of the talking Gargoyle, that was actually a very nice touch. No one ever comments on the fact that they get snooty from time to time...lol.

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Review #11, by IWannaPlayRendezvous: Rendevous

31st March 2007:
OMG, GROS! LOL, you are HORRIBLE for doing that to me!
Here I am, dreaming of Draco/Hermione... EEWWW, NASTY PANSY!!! *gag* blech.
I enjoyed it immensly, right up until that moment anyway. OMG, I might even need a shower after that...lmao. BLEEACCHH!!
Ok, I'm almost done gagging...lmao. I love your work if you hadn't noticed;)

Author's Response: lol. Thanks for the review! I was going for the shock value at the end there! Glad you liked it!

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Review #12, by IWannaPlayHollow Pursuits: The Mirror

31st March 2007:
Wow. I'm not sure where to begin really. It is almost impossible to believe, because he is so detached, always wanting to stand out and prove himself, never getting too close to anyone, never letting anyone help him or wanting them to, etc.
Still, this was written very well, and it facinated me. The image of him sitting on the floor like that will probably haunt me for some time. I would have been hesitant to kill him as well, but I think I would have quickly remembered that his parents didn't die at the hands of a monster. "DIE SUCKA!" lol, just kidding.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this - Controversal, sure. A vulnerable Voldie is not what most people want to see, but I applaud you for writing it anyway. Wonderful job, another 10/10 from me.

Author's Response: I seem to be getting this same review! I am always trying to improve my writing skills, so I'm glad that everyone has been saying it's well written. I like to write about something that not everyone is writing about. I knew I would get some flames for portraying Voldy as I have. I just keep thinking that all that Voldy is today comes from the relationship with his father. He thought his dad was going to be this great wizard, all powerful and strong, but then he was let down. Way down. And he expected his mother to be the weak one, which in a way she was, but she also turned out to be Voldy's "image" of the pwerful one (the one with the magical powers). Then I thought, what if it hadn't been like that? What if he had a normal home life? I'm thinking he would have just turned out to be like Draco really. A harmless punk. Thanks for the reviews!

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Review #13, by IWannaPlayYou Found Me: In the Words of David Bowie . . .

31st March 2007:
Harry - Andrew
Hermione - Claire
Neville - Brian
Draco - John?
Ginny - Allison

OK, so Neville is definitely doing John there, with the impersonation of his father and his money..lmao.
That tapping, was the whole whistling scene, right?

LMAO about the switched chair incident, I REMEMBER THAT!

I have NO IDEA what the chapter means, but I hope you will post it in the notes of the last chapter so we won't forget to find out.
10/10 again!

Author's Response: The title refers to the poem at the beginning of the movie. Or was is song lyrics? Not important. But it goes somewhere a long the lines of "But these children that you spit upon, you think are immune to the world around them. They are quite aware of what they are going through." Or something like that. I totally butchered it, but that's basically what it means.

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Review #14, by IWannaPlayYou Found Me: Hostilities and Fronts

31st March 2007:
OMG I LOVE IT! I always LOVED the breakfast club, and Draco watching Hermione is awesome, if not a bit creepy.
The heavy double doors, the chair being pulled out from under his feet, Snape stalking back into the room to check on them, Ginny chewing on her nails, the casual 'basketcase' reference... omg I could go on and on!!!
The only thing I am confused about is who is supposed to be who.
Harry makes the quidditch reference, so I think he would be Andrew. Hermione is the dorky type, which COULD be Brian, but is probably Claire, right?
Ginny is obviously Allison, no doubts there really.
That would mean that Neville is either Brian or Claire's character...lol. Geeze, I need to break out the Breakfast Club again since I haven't seen it in ages.
Then Draco would be John? Or are we making Neville John? Draco with his money could be in place of Claire...lmao, I'm so confused, but I still love this story!!!
NO, DRACO HAS to be John since he is being the most vocal. Shoot, I'm just gonna shut up and keep reading! 10/10, only because 11 isn't allowed =/

Author's Response: lol. You're too funny. I'm trying to remember what I had the characters as. I wrote it for someone in a previous review. Hang on.
Harry - Athlete
Hermione - Brain
Draco - Prince(ss)
Neville - Criminal
Ginny - Basketcase
I didn't write the characters to perfectly fit the ones in the movie, but I just based them off those traits. I got a few flames about Neville. I for one happen to like this Dark Neville. We see so many stories about an Evil Harry, why not an Evil Neville?


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Review #15, by IWannaPlayConfessions of an Occlumens: Confessions

31st March 2007:
My only complaint is that you didn't bother to mention his humiation that Harry saw what James did to him. I think he was much more disturbed about that aspect that you let on here.
Other than this, it was very well done. I love your idea on why Dumbledore made him do it, and I also love how long it takes him to figure that out.
It was almost exactly how I would expect Severus to word it, and you kept with canon beautifully. For example: "After two months’ worth of those lessons, however, I was long past the point of despair." This line had me laughing my head off. That is just typical Snape for you there! LOL
This was a wonderful one-shot that I highly recommend:)
10/10!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much! Gah, I've been meaning to rewrite his thoughts on the pensieve scene for ages, but I've never gotten around to it...ah well. I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Making Snape cannon is one of those things that's both really easy and very hard to do; he's just so complex. It makes my day to hear I've accomplished that somewhat. Thanks again for the lovely review, and have a wonderful day!

Cheers,

Hermione :)


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Review #16, by IWannaPlayThe Wild: A Silver Ring, A Golden Carriage

30th March 2007:
***SQUE* I LOVE IT!
First of all, I LOVE Draco's thought about his father ruining his robes. I laughed out loud about that.
Draco's behavior is spot on in my humble opinion. I love his whole thought process here. Actually, you did well with everyone, including Voldie-Moldie. You toned it down perfectly, so it was a very easy read and I dearly loved it. I can't wait for future chapters! You really are doing an excellent job with this.
It is hard to have an original character and not throw in the Mary-Sue stuff, but I love Eloise. She is plain, but not grotesque. She is proper, but only because she is forced to be. She has depth, something most OC's in fanfics just don't have.
I can't say enough about this story. I am honored to be able to post a link to it on my site. Please, PRETTY PLEASE, update soon!!!

Author's Response: thank you so much! you leave wonderful reviews, by the way. i'm really glad you enjoyed this fic so much. thanks again, and i promise to update within the next few weeks!

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Review #17, by IWannaPlaySpeak: Chapter Five

29th March 2007:
Much too short of a chapter:( The ending blew my mind a bit, because I was fully expecting Harry to be dead with the way she was behaving.

I have a request... since LILY get's to be alive, perhaps SIRIUS could be as well? Probably not, but I love him so much that I just had to throw that out there...lol. She could end up with him even! YAY! Wouldn't that rock?

I better shut up since I have no idea what plot bunnies are running around in your head. Please update soon!!!

Author's Response: Sorry. I am horrible at writing long chapters, and only am able to write the occasional long one. Really? Why?

Maybe. Snuffles is my favorite character, so it's a possibility. I'll consider it...

Let me just tell you, there are plenty of evil cliffhangers ahead. Ooh, Sophie is sure going to enjoy this. And the next chapter should be validated in a couple days. ^_^


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Review #18, by IWannaPlayThe Wild: A Story Behind Every Door

29th March 2007:
Excellent chapter:) I remember the first time I read this, I was desperately hoping she would find Harry too... but then again, how would he react? Probably not too well, considering Draco almost murdered Dumbledore. If nothing else, he probably hates him for letting the death eaters in the school.
Poor Draco though - I feel so sorry for him. He is in over his head in your story as well as in the actual books. I am one of those that is holding out hope that he will redeem himself. However, if he HAS to die, I certainly hope that JKR will make him do something horrible first, so I can hate him properly.

Author's Response: I know, I really don't think it would be fair if Draco died. Yeah he's a horrible bully, but I don't think death would be a proper punishment either... Meh. Thanks again!

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Review #19, by IWannaPlayThe Wild: The Ninth Room

29th March 2007:
I love the line about the rug thrown on the floor like it died there. I have seen some that gave me a similar thought...lol.
Either I am tired, or the alley scene was a bit confusing. It is almost midnight, so it could be me. Still, I love this story and have recommended it many times. Keep up the good work:)

Author's Response: No, it's probably confusing. Haha. I rewrote it a while ago but never posted the new chapter (thanks for reminding me..oooops..) so I need to fix that.

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Review #20, by IWannaPlayThe Wild: Interlude in the Dark Room

29th March 2007:
Stupid death scene:( I already read this, but I still hated seeing him go...
It was pretty violent, but that was needed really (unfortunately). At least Fenrir is dead, that makes it almost worth it. I can't stand that bastard because of what he did to my Remus. I LOVE Remus, almost as much as I love Sirius, so that is something else I am waiting impatiently for. I really hope it is slow and painful to be honest. Poor Remus, all his life being shunned, and he is just so sweet. Of course, I know he wouldn't be the person he is if he wasn't a werewolf, but still, Fenrir NEEDS to die for it darnit!!!
I swear, if Jo kills Remus after killing my Sirius, I am going to be SO heart broken:( I almost don't want to read book 7, just because Remus might die AND poor Sirius probably isn't coming back:(
10/10 still, hurry up and post the next chapter PRETTY PLEASE:)

Author's Response: Woop woop!

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Review #21, by IWannaPlayThe Wild: Adagio

28th March 2007:
I love Draco's insecurity and fear, both of which are very believable for him. I think when we get to him in book 7, this will be exactly how he behaves. I doubt he wants to kill anyone.

I also agree about Snape, I doubt very seriously that Dumbledore was begging for his life, nor do I believe that Snape would have just killed him like that. He had to have been protecting Draco as well as doing as Dumbledore asked him to.

I wish it was July:( :::sigh::: I can't wait for book 7 now. The anticipation is just getting to be too much.

Great story, still:)

Author's Response: I agree, I'm SO excited for teh new book. I was actually thinking about it last night, and then I thought "What am I going to do with my life after Harry Potter is DONE?!?!?" It's kind of the way I felt after the Return of the King ended. Haha, thanks for your review.

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Review #22, by IWannaPlayThe Wild: Portrait

28th March 2007:
I look forward to the time when her grandmother unwittingly has her corset laced too tight and passes out, hitting her head on something hard enough to kill her. Wow - that was nice of me, huh? lol.
She reminds me of my own grandmother in some ways. However, mine screamed instead of politely speaking (even if she IS talking down to her, brainwashing her with primitive ideas) to people.
Love the story:) I wish you would hurry up and post the next chapter (hint hint)

- Carrie Anne

Author's Response: Oh man. I wish I could explain to you how busy I've been this week, but I'll summarize it in this: jfksaceioajrpewkacehjtrieaurep. So I haven't had much time for HPFF. Next chapter will be up soon, though.

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Review #23, by IWannaPlayFallen Angel: The Dream

18th February 2007:
Terrible grammar and spelling, very interesting story line. Either way, I am quite curious to see how this one is going to go. I can't invision any thing that could happen that would make Hermione turn, but I guess I will have to wait and see.
Good story.

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Review #24, by IWannaPlayOne Simple Wish: The Nightmare of Reality

18th February 2007:
OMG, WAYYY Too short:( Excellent, very Draco, and I can't say enough about it, but SERIOUSLY too short.
Ginny is definitely going to figure it out, if not Harry or Hermione. No way can Draco keep up the act. He is just too stuck up, the little weasel. I wish there was another chapter to go to after this:( *cries* Please update soon!

Author's Response: She might. I haven't decided yet. I'm having a bit of trouble with chapter 4 I'm still stuck about halfway through it. Here's a question, what would be a good mix with bubertuber pus?

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Review #25, by IWannaPlayOne Simple Wish: The Half-Stroke of Twelve

18th February 2007:
I still love it! Gawd, I would hate to be in Ron's shoes, trying to figure everything out. I think his is a much more dangerous game to be playing, considering their connections to the Dark Lord. If Malfoy was discovered, nobody would kill him, but what happens if they figure out its Ron in Malfoy's body? SCARY thought :$
10/10 again. So far, I thought it was very much in character. I love the whole idea of the gelph, and that whole scene was great. I could go on, but I am too anxious to read the next chapter.
GREAT JOB! Please update soon!!!

Author's Response: Still loving it is good :-D. I have thought about Ron's position... I won't say anymore on that subject.

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