I read this a while ago when I was searching for random stories and amazingly found it in my time where I had a mini-obsession for Lily/Sirius. Only good Lily and Sirius, though, because otherwise it'd dreadfully annoying if it's not well thought out or believable.
Hm, it was pretty good. I liked the simpleness of Lily asking Sirius to get drunk, it was very Lily-esque in my opinion. The thing about their connection being their guilt was pretty good, it left a rather...bitter taste in my mouth which is good in this kind of story, because we all know that James and Lily are going to end up together but somewhere in the midst of the story you start to want the end to be different, you know? Then again, you are rather good at these kinds of endings as you've had your share of practice. =P
I kind of didn't like that Sirius came to decide not to tell James. I don't think that he wouldn't, it's just for a second I even wondered if Lily would be more likely to say it then him before I realized that she'd be very big on honesty at that point in time. In a way, I would have preferred almost if it were an unspoken agreement kind of thing. Sirius was very big on friendship, and it's slightly unlikely he would have come to that decision so quickly. It's good the way it is, I don't know, that section just set me off a tad.
Very good either way, a 9/10 for this one.Author's Response: Haha, perfect timing! Wonderful! I was really dying to try a Sirius/Lily, since I'm always so set on James/Lily. I'm probably going to go for a Remus/Lily next. I started to write a short story, but I never got around to writing more than a few pages. I might have to revisit it, though.
Ah, that's really what I was going for. They've got the connection, but the story must be that James and Lily get together.
I went back and read the story, and I do see what you mean. It is a little awkward. I guess that's where I was going when I said that the truth would kill James, since he wasn't one who was used to disappointment. I was just trying to justify it. I probably should've given him a bit more time to think about it, but ultimately, I think that's the only decision I could have had him come to. If it had just been a kiss, no problem, but this would've been too much on James and Sirius's friendship.
Thank you so much for your review! It was wonderful and insightful as always :) Report Review
Wow, this sounds like a great challenge. I am very tempted to go and do a search on all stories written from this challenge just because it seems too hilarious to pass up. Anyways...
One, Lily Evans wouldn’t rather have dated a seasick rhinoceros than the legendary James Potter
It's only "would" in this sentence.
Haha, this story made me smile all the way through. I love the way you captured James, it made me shake my head, which is what one would want to do when reading about James. It was a bit cliche in the aspect of Lily arguing with her best friend about whether or not she should go out with James. For this story it was fine, it just kind of stuck out at me. I also found it amusing that James got in trouble for a spell Sirius cast. I wasn't sure if that was intentional or not. =/ If it was it was a terrific touch.
9/10 for this one, love.Author's Response: Haha, thank you, lovely! Meh, sometimes I've gotta use the cliche to get to my plot points, but I know I should try to avoid them more. Oh, it was definitely intentional. I feel like Sirius would still be better at getting out of trouble than James. Thanks for the lovely review! :) Report Review
If you've happened to miss me, I apologize, but I promise I haven't forgotten about you or your brilliant stories. By the way, I am perplexed that no one has reviewed this fic. Shame on them.
“So hungry”, it crooned. “So very, very hungry.”
You put the comma after the quotation.
I liked the discussion between Salazar and Rowena. It's intellegent and fierce like how I'd imagine a conversation between them to be. I also quite like the dialogue, even if it's not how they spoke back then it fools me. A thought hit me just now about the whole triangle with Rowena/Salazar/Godric, I like how you put scandal into the Founders. It makes the Founders of Hogwarts more flawed and human so you take away the thought that these are the great beins of the time who created the best wizarding school in Europe. However, you leave a majestic feeling upon it too, I think there'd be more of a realistic focus on it if not only you had the story but also included a bit of more simple emotion. The feeling of jealousy was never outwardly expressed, something that also strikes as a feeling that Rowena would be flattered by.
Those are my thoughts upon it, though. The second part has something that sets me off although I'm not sure what. Overall it's an 8/10 on my account. It was a really good one-shot.Author's Response: GNDFJKLggfnjsf! Of COURSE I've missed you. I fell off the face of the earth for the past four months or so, as well, though. There were a couple of reviews for this fic, but they got deleted in the big mess that happened on the site awhile back. :\
Fooling you is what I like to hear! I was so worried about coming off too modern age, y'know? I agree with you on the second part. I think it just got a little murky, and I could feel the writer's block starting to loom over me. Urgh.
Thank you for your fantastic review! Great to hear from you again! :) Report Review
Haha, if I had never peeked at your author's page before I wouldn't believe that this was your first slash. It was pretty cool. I liked it how Sirius' feelings for Remus are like how I feel about a guy, like the whole fancying aspect was still the same although he was a guy.
I also like the closeness of their friendship. Sometimes in slash they don't have someone leaning their head on someone's head, or fingers brushing casually as meaning nothing although a real life friendship if you're close you never notice it. I think that was a very good aspect of the fic.
I like the drunkeness of it too. Sirius actually got a taste of Remus before he actually got dumped, it's cruel and fantastic in two very different ways. Remus not being gay is actually a good touch too, you don't expect that in slash and unless it's terrificly written you're left wondering what the chances are.
I don't actually have any particular criticism because slash isn't my area of expertise. When I read it and think it's OC I usually have more suggestions but I thought Remus was incredibly IC, I was amazed honestly, and you made it so that Sirius has real honest feelings without losing the touch we all love and know in him.
There were a few mistakes, nothing that made it hard to read though. It was lovely and I can honestly say if you write more slash I'll read it. =D 9/10Author's Response: Well that's good that you never would have guessed that it was my first! :]
Well, thank you very much! Yes, I agree about the friendship thing. I think it's something that happens but not many people touch on, you know?
Wow, that is the best compliment you could have given me, that Remus is IC! Thank you!!! I am so glad that you thought so, because that's really what I aim for when I write. I try my hardest to keep them all IC, but it gets difficult sometimes.
Thank you for the thousandth time. I am so happy that you enjoyed it and left me such a fantastic review! Your review really made my day. THANK YOU!! You're awesome and I appreciate it very much! :D
-Vanessa Report Review
Ah, sorry it took me a bit to actually get to reading this, I tend to get rather lazy especially when it comes to reading trio fics considering they annoy me terribly. All in all, it's not that bad.
The characters were a bit OC, but nobody can get them perfectly except JKR. Hermione and Ron are pretty good, there's a few lines were they go slightly OC, but then they get back OC pretty fast and considering the situation it's pretty good.
Ginny is pretty good as well, same issues as Hermione and Ron, there's a few lines where she goes slightly OC. As for Harry, one, I don't think he would have iven into Ginny so easily, maybe if she said that she couldn't exactly explain were Ron and Hermione were. I also don't think Draco would have touched Hermione in a million years in that situation, partly because he's too gutless to rape anyone and secondly because he already sees him superior to her, he definitely would have then.
Although I have to say, considering beginner fics I've seen, and...well...mine, this isn't bad. The fact that it's not canon doesn't bug me, it probably would have without a warning. =P I like how they kept Harry from the battle, that seems exactly what they would have done in the early stages and then how all the students were upset with him about it. Also, I like how th wizarding world is taking Ron and Hermione's disappearance as just any other disappearance, and how at first no one did anything about it. People hold Ron and Hermione so high in their minds they don't know how terribly unpopular Ron and Hermione really are in the public's eyes.
Also, it's interesting seeing some of your older work, even if you are editing it up. =P (haha, I don't know, my reviews seem to be getting longer lately ::shrug:: in any case I hope you don't mind the length)Author's Response: I'm even sorrier that it took my so long to respond to this. I don't know what is WITH me lately. Good Lord.
This was definitely before I had totally realized what characterization is. Even when cleaning it up, I'm having problems getting them to be normal.
That's why I for sure warned you guys. I didn't want you all to think that I had suddenly gone off my rocker. ;)
I love your long reviews. I'm just limited on time nowadays so my responses aren't the best. Thank you, lovely! :) Report Review
Haha, I actually remember reading this a while ago, and I'm quite disappointed with myself that I didn't review sooner, probably waited too long for my thoughts to gather or something. I'm reviewing now, though, so that counts for something. =D
For one thing, I wanted to say how refreshing it is to read a Severus/Lily fic before the seventh book because they tend to be better thought out as a "rare" pairing or something. I was actually quite hesitant to read when I looked at the date (before I realized I've read it before, of-course) but I'm glad I did. There are a few things that kind of poked out to me that could be improved.
For one thing in the beginning where Slughorn is lecturing Lily and Lily says studying doesn't seem to work, with a student like Lily there generally tends to be a reason. Obviously studying wasn't working if she had Severus tutor her but it could be something distracting her that she couldn't think of around Severus something like that. That was just my opinion, however, it seemed odd that suddenly studying wasn't working for her.
Also, when Severus was offering his help there was something that was a bit off about his character. I think it was perhaps too much dialouge between them, Severus wouldn't have stuck around all that long.
Besides that nothing really stuck out at me, it was a really lovely one-shot. I love how Severus was really honest when he began talking about how Voldemort would kill all those who opposed him, he doesn't strike me as the sort of person who would hold his tongue for anyone's benefit. I also like that although he seemed to fancy her he never let that distract him from the fact that the next day they'd leave as enemies. Also that he was never fully kind to Lily. You left Severus as Severus and some people seem to soften him to make it "easier" or whatnot.
Again, nice job, 8/10Author's Response: Lol, don't worry about being late and such. You reviewed, and that's what really matters ^_^ It means a lot to hear your opinion on the story. I know what you mean about Snape and Snape/Lily in general. When I wrote this, I never imagined it would turn into canon, and the fact that it did sort of saddened me. As you said, they're better thought out as a rare pairing. Besides, to be honest, I hated the bit about Snape in DH, and I hated his relationship with Lily. It might have been "cute" if it was someone else. NOT Snape. It was completely OOC if you ask me - though, of course, you can't say JK's books were OOC. LOL. I'm still bitter about her butchering Snape's character. :P
Ah. That dreaded beginning. I've changed it about a million times, and it irks me how it never seems to work properly. You're right, Lily DOES need a reason. Perhaps I should invoke the upcoming NEWTs or something. Or something that came up and made her lose a few lessons, thus being left behind and needing help. I'll try to think of something again. That part WILL be right. Someday.
Too much dialogue? You don't think he'd have stuck around that long? I'll try to re-read and see if I can cut back any line or something, but I doubt it, since I recall that part being necessary dialogue only. I'll try though.
I'm really really happy you liked this story, your review was splendid and brightened my day. You gave so much helpful advice, so hopefully I'll be able to do something about the parts that don't work. It was really amazing to hear your opinion on this. ^_^
CJ Report Review
Haha, well for your first time at slash it's pretty good (not that I'm a terribly great expert at slash but I've read some pretty bad slash and some great slash so I guess I have an opinion that's valuable enough), especially since Frank and Sirius are such an odd couple. It kept me interested the whole way through. I like how you described Frank's feelings throughout the whole fic very well but it was slightly frustrating that I was never quite sure exactly what Sirius felt although I had my hopes for Frank's sake. Frank's personality was a bit different than I always imagined in this fic but it was perfect for the situation. 9/10Author's Response: Hi! And thanks so much, of course your opinion is valuable ^_^. I've read a lot of slash as well, some were great!! and some were...not so great lol, so this challenge interested me a lot because I had to try my hand at something that was way out of my league.
Frank was supposed to be an awkward, typical 15 year old boy struggling with new feelings and such , and Sirius, *looks nervous* lol , well his feelings weren't supposed to show but I guess that was a bad idea =D
I'm glad you like it and thanks for taking the time to review!
kay~ Report Review
Well, the characterization for Draco isn't great but it's ok. I like Demetria, seems like you need a whole lot of loyalty to marry someone and be so loyal to them. The ending was really cute. =D I also especially like how you explained Draco playing the piano, because that's how most famous pianist play. 8/10Author's Response: *sigh* Yeah, I know. I guess I had to make him slightly OC for this to work. Can't you just see him playing the piano with his lovely, slender fingers? *shivers* Report Review
Haha, that was a cute story. There were one or two typos, nothing major. Another thing, the fact that Victoire kissed him immediately was a bit weird in my eyes. I know she was crazy for him and all but she also was mad at him and because of her character it seems like she would have tried not to respond but then end up responding anyways. Overall very cute story and very good start for your first fic ever. =D 8/10Author's Response: thanks for being so honest!, will keep in mind for next time! Report Review
Hahaha, that was cute. Now I must go search for the song as I do for every song fic I read. =P I really love the conversation between the Marauders (mostly James and Sirius but the last bit with Peter at the end was quite humorous too) it had me cracking up. I like the girl you chose too. Just because as she said she knew it was best to "fly under their radar". =P
And I saw one typo and thought you'd probably like to know so you can fix it.
Remus felt the need to disagree and was proven right since Lily had been refusing his as usual, for the three months of school that they had been through.
Anyways lovely story as always. =D 10/10Author's Response: Ah! Well, I don't know if you're a musical fan or not (I'm a bit obsessed), but that's a really fun one. Heheh. It's been too long since I've had fun with the others. I was working on a short story about them, and I think I'm going to have to get my rear in gear and continue it, 'cuz I sure miss writing them. That's the thing with OCs. I've got find some way to make them different. I figured that it would be better to make her younger since he would be less likely to know her and making her "fly under the radar" would even lessen the chances.
Urgh. Yeah. I'll do that. *blushes* Thanks for pointing it out, m'dear :) Report Review
Wow, never really seen any stories written about Filch. This one makes you feel sorry for him. He chose the job to finally get into Hogwarts, right? That wasn't clear in his mind. Also I loved the flashback, that's what I imagine to be most pureblood family's reactions to having a Squib in the family. Like I think it was Ron's...uncle who's a squib and he even said his mother never really talked about him. Anyways, love the one shot. =D 10/10Author's Response: Well, when I was reading through my phobia list, looking for one for myself, I spotted that one and I immeadiately thought of Filch. Well, that was part of it. It was also forced on him by his mother. She was a bit crazed, as you can tell. I know really! I think I might have to write a full length story about a Sqiub when I have time (when I have time? HAH.) Thank you. I always appreciate your reviews :) Report Review
That was really good. I'm not usually a big fan of second person but you used it in a way that I didn't find obnoxious so I didn't really notice until the middle and then didn't care too much. =P Honestly, I found it a bit odd that anyone would wait until the eve of their wedding day to tell them they were a werewolf but I like how she immediately went against him because that would be a more typical response. Nice fic overall. =D 9/10Author's Response: aw, thanks so much !!! Report Review
I really liked the one shot. It made sense with Draco. He didn't really want to do all those things and considering he was babied as a child all the things that happened to him must have been traumatic. There are a few things that kind of threw this fic a bit off in my mind.
I don't think Hermione would ever, ever work in a place for Mentally Disturbed people. Hermione kind of looks at things one sided, she only takes in what's logical to her, she couldn't handle people with psychological proplems. Even in the books Hermione was always telling Luna and her father that this wasn't real or whatever, it didn't seem right she would humor Miranda with Rupert, it seems more to me like she would have ended up trying to prove her wrong.
As for schizophrenia do they really cure that with pills? I'm not going to pretend I know a lot about it but from what I do know about schizophrenic people is that they have to learn to tell what's real and what's not. That is a minor detail but just something I was thinking about when I read it.
Overall though it was good. I really liked the interaction between Hermione and Draco and how Ron and her didn't get into this huge argument ended up breaking up resigning her to live with Draco or whatever. =P 9/10Author's Response: That makes an awful lot of sense, now that you mention it. Oh, humph. You always have good points. It probably would've been better to use a different character for the girl, but I found the banner in the UFG section, and I just loved it. I suppose I could change it around a bit, have her be annoyed at the post change and have her try to argue with Miranda before giving in.
Oh, it doesn't cure it by any means. It does sort of stabilize them. Some of them never learn to tell the difference from reality and delusion, but pills can help control the episodes. It helps, like, fade the delusions or something like that. I don't know. We're learning about it in my Psych class, so I thought I'd throw it in there *shrug*
Aw, c'mon. That's not my kind of ending (most of the time). I have a really difficult time ending any Hermione/Draco story in romance. They always seem to end up as friends. I think it's because that's such a big step in itself.
Could you possibly remind me later through a PM or something about changing that bit? I've got finals this week, plus I'm sick with the evil-cold-of-death so my brain is kind of out the window. *sheepish grin* Otherwise, there's no way I'll rememeber. :\ Report Review
That was great! Don't be worried about the unconscious writing, my best writing comes out of that, and it's obvious yours does too. The most stunning things come with uncertainty. =P I love how your story didn't have a happy ending. I was expecting the happy ending this time really badly and I was like "Wow" when she led him to his death. Also, I love how you put her going mad in the end, because it shows that she got the consequences of killing the love she had yearned for the longest time. Fabulous story although it was a bit sloppy. 9/10Author's Response: Aw, well, thanks. I'll keep letting things pop out then. I really don't believe in giving every story a happy ending. It makes them more unrealistic. She was just that deep into the darkness; she couldn't really let him or herself go. Thank you very much! :) Report Review
Wow! This was stunning. I like how you characterized Rowena, that's really close to how I see her. I like how you put the fight between Salazar and Godric it was really vivid and clear in my mind, it makes sense with what happened. Very good, 10/10.Author's Response: Agh. Thank you! It's really nice to get feedback about my Founders stories. I really wasn't sure about my characterizations, so I'm glad that you felt that they were realistic. Merci beaucoup! ;) Report Review
I liked it, it was a very touching story. I like how he didn't go without punishment at the end, you feel sorry for him but then remember he really does deserve it. There was a thing though, it didn't seem to me like Charlie would be one to lay punishment on the prisoners even if he was in the order. He always seems a bit too light spirited in my opinion. That could just be me though. Besides that I really liked it, you view pointed Draco perfectly. 9/10Author's Response: thank you so much!! this is my fav fic. i'm so pleased you liked it. ahhh charlie...i chose him deliberately for that reason - that is was so unlike him, but that shows how war can change a person or at least change their outlook on certain things. thanks darling ^_^ Report Review
Awww, I'm sure Hugo was a good boy! The fic was really cute and went perfectly with the song. I feel sorry for all the Weasley men who have to be Santa but apparently Ron hasn't been doing the best job. =P I love how you put dozens of kids in there, with a family as big as the Weasleys it's no wonder there's about a zillion of little Weasleys everywhere (must be ridiculousi n Hogwarts =P). Anyways, you did a lovely job. 10/10Author's Response: Haha, thank you! I didn't really mention the song until the end, but I tried to build up to it. I just think that would be such a hilarious thing to make a bunch of adult brothers do. ;)
Haha, seriously. I would just love to go to school with all the Weasleys. Is it just me or does each generation just get bigger and bigger? Haha.
Thank you, m'dear! Happy Holidays! Report Review
My God, that was hilarious! I just love how Sirius was the one to teach that in the end. I can't believe they even had pictures (which I don't care to know where they got them from =P). It was very amusing although learned about sex from a ghost wouldn't really be all that great would it?
Oh, and have you read Educating Neely? When I first looked at the summary I remembered it a bit. It's way different just...yeah.
Good fic. =D 10/10Author's Response: Hahaha, thank you! They're ridiculous, and I just tried to show that as much as possible. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it.
I've heard a lot about that. I might eventually have to go check it out. I know it's not really an original idea (and has been done God knows how many times), but it was fun to put my own twist to it. :) Report Review
Well, it was good but honestly I think it could have been better. The first half was pretty good though the second half kind of fell. I like how she finally awakened when she realized she had murdered her own father. Except, usually, when someone kills someone close to them they always blame themselves. It's human nature. If she had been able to reconcile herself it would have taken a little while longer.
Also, I find it clever that you used a death eater that's not extremely popular but that we've heard of. Just wanted to add that bit in. Overall it was pretty good. 8/10Author's Response: I am going to have to agree with you. I think this was one of the most difficult stories for me to write. It just wouldn't flow out of my fingers like they usually do, and I didn't really understand why. I think at the end, I just gave up, which is a horrible thing to say, but there you go. You are absolutely right about the forgiving herself thing. I guess I just didn't want to end on a dismal note. (A pitiful excuse, I know.)
Thank you for the review :) Report Review
Wow, I felt a iffy reading this story cause I thought Voldemort simply does not fall in love. When I read it though I love how you made if clear that he was clearly not in love with Prissy, he was in love with the power he had over her. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. I just like how you put the contrast of a normal, good girl and a magic, evil man. I like the ending and I hope Prissy has a nice happily ever after. =P 10/10Author's Response: That's exactly the point I tried to get across. Voldemort does not love people; Voldemort loves power. Thank you so, so much :)
P.S. I really think she did :D Report Review
Wow. Your writing literally scares me, but in a good way. I loved the feeling of helplessness in this story. I also liked how it felt like they were the last two people in the universe. Also, I'm glad you didn't put life and death into the simplicity of physicality. It was great how Draco already seemed to be dead when Hermione found him so she got him to live just so she could end it. It was a very haunting concept but also full of originality. 10/10Author's Response: thank you love for your wonderful comments. this is one of my fav fics and one of the first i wrote, so i am very happy you liked it. thank you ^_^ Report Review
Eh, you'd think magic would be able to save a baby, huh?
I like how you explained Hermione's emotions of this, it seems exactly how she would react, really. And Draco wanting to leave but staying behind. It was very in character.
I also love your writing style. It's very poetic. It explains everything so you can see it in your mind and sort of feel it. This was a beautiful story. =D 10/10Author's Response: thank you hun for such a lovely review ^_^ i'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Aw. That's sweet. Well, I like how you chose a supposedly very simple girl for Remus to meet. It makes more sense like that since I don't think Remus would have chose a very complicated girl. Not that the girl wasn't deeper than she looked. I also liked how they didn't end up getting married and such, it would have been too much of happily ever after for those times. Actually, the writing of this one shot and Jane reminds me a bit of the books from my favorite writer. It was amazing. =D 10/10Author's Response: No. I think the LAST thing that he needed at that point was a complicated girl. I mean, she has her problems, but she knows who she is- something that he doesn't. I decided from the beginning that they would not be together in the end; you're right, it would've been too happy. Thank you very, very much! :)
P.S. What character does Jane remind you of? Report Review
Ah...honestly, I was bit iffy reading this story because I am so picky over Founders story I'd choose almost anything over Helga/Salazar. I don't know why it's just a pet peeve of mine. But since I love your stories I decided to read it anyways. It was a lovely story. I think you charactarized them wonderfully. I do think it was what Helga would have done in the situation. I think there was something a tiny bit off in Salazar's dialouge, in my opinion anyways, but nothing major that made me want to X out the screen. Overall it was pretty good considering Founders is usually harder for people to write. 8/10.Author's Response: I actually thought to myself as I was writing it, "Why am I doing this?" I've never had any interest in the Founders-era, and I agree, it is harder to write. Hmm, I don't know about Salazar. I tried to make him different from both Tom and Draco Malfoy. I think he has to have his own form of...well, I don't know what. I don't think I'm going to dabble much in that era again. But thank you for reading it anyway :) Report Review
Aw. That was such a pretty story! I haven't seen many fics that can keep Cho in character (which you really do have a knack for keeping characters in character). I like how although she was leaving behind David I felt like she was trying to leave behind Cedric. I don't know if that's what you were going for but that's what I felt reading the last part. I especially liked the trophy wife part, don't know why, but I did. Awesome story. 10/10.Author's Response: Thank you! I try really hard to keep all my characters IC. That is EXACTLY what I was going for. David was kind of a temporary support for her; things would have been disastrous if she had married him. She never would've fully healed. Thank you, Fieryprincess! :) Report Review
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