Don't worry about writing filler chapters, everyone does it once in awhile, and it's good to set the pace and make sure the story isn't moving too fast. I personally thought that awkward moment with Scorpius on the stairs was a good way to develop their relationship and establish Scorpius's character a bit more, so well done!
Keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks for the reassurance, hahaha. I was worried that this chapter was full of too many cheap little plot fillers and stuff. I'm glad you liked the scene with Scorpius! Yayayay. Thanks very much for the review and positive words :) I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Hello! I read all of your story today, and I have to say I really love Effie. She's strong and altogether likable. Keep writing and update soon!Author's Response: glad you like it:) Effie is my little feminist;) Report Review
Hello there! Here with the review I promised. Sorry I'm only leaving one for now, but I figured one would be better than nothing.
You have an interesting story here, I'd say my favorite thing about it would be Rose's character. She's got an edge, which I like.
What I would work on might be the characterization. Right now, I can't really understand how Rose could ever be invisible, perhaps have her explain that the transformation she went through at the beginning of the story wasn't just skin-deep, that it affected her personality as well, just so it doesn't seem so odd that she's suddenly perfectly comfortable having so many people (including Sirius) paying so much attention to her.
As well, I would recommend getting a Beta-reader to check your spelling and punctuation, as sometimes a really great paragraph or bit of dialogue is ruined by the poor punctuation.
I hope I don't sound too harsh, I definitely think the story has gotten a lot better since the beginning, and you should keep writing it.
Hopefully that helps!
-TaraAuthor's Response: That does help a lot and I'm going to keep adding in bits of explanations as the story goes on. I'm looking for a beta-reader but honestly have no I idea where to find one!! Thanks for the review it was really helpful :) Report Review
Wow, this is really interesting. I hope you keep going with it, it seems like it could be a really amazing story. I'll be keeping my eyes open for the next chapter.
: ) Keep writing.Author's Response: Thank you for the amazing feedback. I'm very excited you're into the story, it's about to get very dark very fast, so be prepared. Next chapter is in validation and should be up this week! Thanks again for reading! It means a lot :) Report Review
It was worth the wait! Your story never fails to impress me. I honestly think you could write your own original historical fiction and become a huge hit. : ) I'm anxious to read more, so please update soon!Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed this, hpz7. ^_^ I was a bit unsure about this chapter myself, what with Maxime being pushy and all. As for original historical fiction, I do have one short story published, although it involves vampiric British soldiers during the American Revolution. ;)
Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
celticbard Report Review
Hello! I have to tell you how much I love the idea for this story. And your writing is brilliant as well, you do a great job of expressing the devastation Eliana must have felt - and still feels after her accident. I can't imagine how terrible it must be to lose the ability to walk, but you've captured it quite well.
Keep writing please!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you are enjoying it. Report Review
Hehe, that was a cute chapter! Good start, and I really like the dialogue, especially Helen's.
Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks so much! And thanks for being the very first review! :) Report Review
I read this story from start to finish today, and I really don't know where to begin with the praise.
In addition to having an amazing grasp at history and politics, you also have a fantastic writing style that has impressed me beyond what I can put into a simple review. You are definitely a very creative, intelligent and talented writer, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I often found myself struggling to keep up with the historical references you often make...but Social Studies did help! Needless to say, I have learned a lot from reading this story.
I particularly like the intertwining of the muggle and magical world, especially concerning the Enlightenment. I think your ability to merge historical fact and the Harry Potter universe together is really well done and very entertaining to read.
So yes, all in all I think you have quite an amazing story here, and I'll be following it closely!
Your devoted fan,
P.S. I'm quite excited to read about the Reign of Terror! Morbid, I know...but it is quite an exciting event in history...Author's Response: Hello there hpz7!
Oh my! What a review! I don't know quite what to say...I'm speechless.
Thank you so very much! *blushes* Your words were so encouraging and thoughtful...you truly made my week. ^_^
I'm so thrilled to hear that you're enjoying this fic and I honestly can't believe you were able to read the whole thing in one sitting. Haha, I thought my writing was much too wordy for that. ;)
As far as merging history with HP canon goes, I suppose I'm guilty of being the biggest nerd ever. I'm a history major, so while I sit through hours of long lectures, I randomly come up with plot ideas for fanfics. Haha, sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through my most boring classes. ^_^
And I don't think you sound morbid at all. I'm actually looking forward to writing about the Reign of Terror. I've never written about that period before, so it should be refreshing, at the very least. ;)
Again, thanks a million for the awesome review! It was wonderful hearing from you. I hope you have a great week!
celticbard Report Review
It's great to read a story with the main character a Hufflepuff, they don't get too much attention. I consider myself a Hufflepuff too (although I can never be sure, really), so this is really refreshing to read. One thing to work on, maybe, is to keep the story's pace slower, it seems to be progressing really quickly and I feel like the characters are a bit underdeveloped. But other than that I think you have a really interesting concept for a story here, and I want to see more, so keep it up!
hpz7 Report Review
Hahaha! This story is hilarious. You guys really have a knack for identifying and mocking the most common fan fiction cliches...absolutely brilliant and really refreshing. Keep up the good work, can't wait to read more! :)Author's Response: That's very flattering-- that a story of cliches could be refreshing. One of the best compliments, I think.
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Very good epilogue! A great little preview of what's going to come, and I'm definitely intrigued, so update soon! :)Author's Response: Oh wow, Thanks, that's great to hear! Report Review
I thought that was wonderful!! You've really got the love-hate thing building up quite nicely. Part of me wants Violet to end up with Anthony, and the other part of me wants her to end up with Sirius... and though I'm fairly certain I know who she's going to end up with, but I can't help but grow fonder of Anthony!
Oh, dilemma, dilemma..Author's Response: Oh dear, I suppose it is quite a query. For me and you. Well, no, not really me, but definitely you. =] Report Review
That was a brilliant story:). I don't have much more to say, sorry, I just thought I should let you know that it was great. And that I'll definitely read other stories you may have written as well.Author's Response: Thank you for saying that its great! ITs great to hear! Also, thanks for saying that you'll read my other things. That means a lot to me, that you would take the time to read my stuff. Thanks for the reads and reviews! Report Review
Nice job:) It seems like an interesting story.Author's Response: Thanks, I hope you continue to enjoy my story. :)
Horray for Hufflepuffs! I consider myself to be a Hufflepuff, and it is definitely overshadowed by all the other houses. And if you ask me, Hufflepuff is easily the best house; we're kind, honest and loyal. I think those are some of the greatest characteristics of a person.
So, getting back to your story; yes, it was short but it was good all the same. A nice starting point for a well-written story. I like how you made Grace not like Remus, thats really original since most of the time, the main character is quite fond of Remus.
However, one thing to watch out for would be a very big cliche that would absolutely ruin your story. You've made Sirius and Grace be best friends, and I think thats fine, as long as you are careful with it. Do something original with your plot line, and don't make Sirius "start to see Grace in a new light" or vise versa, because thats' been way overdone. Draw things out, make the romance come naturally and realistically. Please, please, do not have Grace and Sirius snogging in a broom cupboard by chapter three, too many good stories have gone to waste because the author didn't wait long enough to begin a romance. If you manage to do those things, which I'm sure you can do, you'll end up with a wonderfully written fanfic.:).
Unless, of course, you're planning on making this story cliche'd, which is your choice of course. If you are, then please completely disregard this review.
I should probably end this now. Great start! and please continue with this story.
-hpz7Author's Response: Yay Hufflepuffs! I actually kind of consider myself as a Ravenclaw; smart, witty and sometimes a little out there (Exhibit A: Luna). Grace, of course, doesn't think that she is fit for Hufflepuff because she has a completely different view on them then some of us do and she has no idea as to why she is in that house. I do have a reason as to why she is in that house, though. As for being a short chapter, pretty much all of my first chapters are short. Yeah, I was just so tired of all of the OC's in some stories being so taken to Remus. I just had to change it! I was hoping not to make the cliche, that I so obviously put in this chapter, effect the story but I've come up with a lot of ideas, since I written more chapters, about Sirius and Grace's friendship and what I can do with it. I will tell you that there will be kind of an over used plotline in this story but I'm hoping that I can twist and turn it to make not as cliche'd as it really is, and the over used plotline will definitely come in wwwaaayyyy later chapters then these first ones. Oh my gosh! I hate it when authors speed things up and make them so cliche (even though I'd probably be included in those cliche authors)! It's so annoying! One chapter, things'll be all fine then the next, the OC and another character will be snogging in a broom closet, exactly! There has been too many stories that I've flat out stopped reading because the story is going too fast. I'll try my absolute hardest to not make things so fast. I'll also try not to make it too cliche'd if any clicheness at all. You know, I'm really glad you reviewed because I can use your advice to improve my other stories too :) I really hope to live up to this review, mark my words! Thanks so much for reading and for the constructive critism hpz27!
-DestinyPrayer Report Review
It's amazing how with some authors, you can't tell that they put a chapter together while being sleep and food deprived. You're one of those authors, so congratulations.
I really enjoy reading this story, and its because of the awesome plot and characters. The plot is brilliantly humorous and your characters are very well fleshed out. James reminds me so much of his grandfather that it's scary. Sometimes when I'm reading this story I feel like I'm reading a James/Lily Marauder Era story (because of course, James/Lily in the next generation would be vomit worthy).
Erm..right! Anyway, you've got a great writing style :).
Can't wait until chapter eighhhttt!
P.S. Congratulations on getting a review from mental! THE author of match. ! That's pretty crazy. Man, do I envy your skills. Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Aw, thanks. The only time I really have to write is 3 AM, so until I go home for the holidays, I might have to be writing all these chapters with very little sleep. Lol. Glad the plot and characters are good! I distinctly tried to make Tegan very different from Lily (noticed she's not a redhead?) so this wouldn't end up becoming a James/Lily fic. I figure there's enough of those on HPFF, lol. I know! I spazzed out when I saw that mental had written me a review! I'm sure they're a perfectly normal and grounded person, but that's not going to stop me from slightly worshipping them. Report Review
That's about all I have to say for now, It's quite late and I'm quite brain dead.
But I really liked the XY thing. Real nice;).
Brilliant chapter, and I look forward to the next one.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! Glad you liked. I wasn't sure about putting in the chromosomes reference, because do wizards know about DNA? Whatevs. Report Review
Great Job! I really like this story, and it isn't much of a surprise to me that you've gotten so many reviews. I personally like this story because you can tell that you've got things planned, that it's actually going somewhere [good]. So keep it up, thanks for the chapter...and, er...Have a nice day!Author's Response: Thanks so much! That is really nice of you to say. I defninitely do not take reviews for granted, so I'm really happy that you're leaving one.
And yes, I do have lots of plans instore for this. I hope you like where it goes. If you even don't, be sure to tell me. XD.
And yes, I shall have a nice day. haha. Same to you. =] Report Review
OOh, please continue! I love this story a lot. It's going to my favorites!
And lovely banner, btw:).Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I'm either updating tonight or tomorrow! I know, this wonderful artist at TDA had it up for grabs and I snagged it! Report Review
Wow, that was brilliant...I cried, a lot. And you should be proud, because making someone cry like that is no easy task. Great job, you wrote it wonderfully. It wasn't too dramatic, or over the top, it was beautiful.
10/10Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
C'mon already! Get writing, you. It's been long enough. You're lucky I'm your friend and I won't come over to your house and torture you until you finish the chapter.
But be warned, anyway. After all, I DO know where you live...
Great chapter, btw. Report Review
Hello! I've really enjoyed this story so far! You're a great writer, and you should definitely keep writing it.:D.
One thing I wanted to comment on was the part you wrote about soccer. Since Hogwarts is in the U.K, and I'm guessing Madison is British as well, you should put "football" instead of "soccer" and "keeper" instead of "goalie".
But other than that, great job! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the correction I was a little apprehensive about that part. Thanks for clearing it up! =] Report Review
I really like this story! You've done a great job coming up with a new and unique story line. I can't wait to see what happens when the trio go to Hogwarts:D. Please continue this story!Author's Response: Thank you! I really thought it was unique...but I wasn't completely sure. I mean, I had never seen a story like this, but you never know...I haven't read all the stories on this site.
Ah, when the trio goes to Hogwarts...I'm itching to write that chapter. Today, I was planning it all out in my head. Yipee.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I've quite enjoyed this story so far, you've done a good job on it;)
I like Avena's character because she's easy to relate to (and thats referencing to the part in your story where she tries on the bikini, and well, so on and so forth. Alot of girls, including me, can relate to that).
I have an inkling regarding to what happened with Robyn, even if I'm off a tad. If it's what I think it is then; poor poor girl.
So, with that said...Good job with your main characters, you did a nice job making their backgrounds believable and realistic.
A couple of things to work on would be to keep in mind that if you are doing a Canon fanfiction, it means that it is taking place in the UK, so try to rule out any Americanisms. Also, I have noticed little spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes (when I say little, I MEAN little, nothing too horrible). If you don't already have a beta-reader, try to get one as it makes things alot easier and makes the presentation of your story much more...well, professional. In other words, people will take your story much more seriously when they read it, and will review more often.
Anyway, update soon!
P.S: I'm guessing you live in Canada since Safeway is a Canadian company and they don't have it in the states, eh? ;)Author's Response: thanks so much for your super long review!! sorry it took so long to respond. im probably going to get some of my friends to read over the chapter and see what they think. thanks for the advice! Report Review
Wonderful story, really! You've got great description and your spelling and grammar is brilliant ( I know, lame compliment but...). You've done splendid job with your main character, Amelie, she sounds real and I can relate to her in alot of ways. I also really enjoy how you've done Sirius, I like him alot in this story (I dont like him in many stories because he's just a thoughtless playboy, and such).
Ahh, Persian are you? So am I ;), though I've spent most of my life in Canada.
Please update soon, and I will be adding this to my favs!Author's Response: Thanks! And that wasn't a lame compliment, lol.
Sirius is quite young in this part of the story, so he isn't really *ahem* well equipped to be a playboy as such. I'm not really going to make him into an extreme one, just a bit of one.. like the average teenage boy. I didn't want to, cos I really love Sirius, but the story works that way. He doesn't have any groupies though (thank god!)
Persians rule! LMAO. Sorry. Nice to see another one of us on this site.
Thanks for reviewing, aziz ;) :P Report Review
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