Reading Reviews From Member: notreallyblonde44
  
131 Reviews Found

Review #1, by notreallyblonde44Her Favorite Holiday: Her Favorite Holiday

25th August 2015:
Ahh Selene, don't mind me, I'm just over here crying just a bit. I'll be fine though, promise //sniff, sniff//

I'm honestly not one for Valentine's Day, but this is so sweet and sentimental and brings in all the feels. Arthur/Molly is one the best pairings ever and you really did them justice with this sweet piece. Arthur's never ending love, Victorie's proposal, ahhh the feelz at the end. Not my best review in terms of actual content, but I enjoyed reading this and after lines like "Fifty-three special Valentines he spent by her side. And this was his first, his first one alone." How am I supposed to have words?? Well done!

xx's
-Ellie from the Pit

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Review #2, by notreallyblonde44The Wild Rose: Chapter One

25th August 2015:
OH SNAP! What a twist indeed. I feel like I read the HP-version of American Psycho-Scoprius a la Patrick Bateman over here. This was really well-written. The main staple of this one-shot is that pacing. Yes, the twist was awesome, but the slow languid language just made that build up so believable and possible.

Congrats on the Dobby Finalist nod last year, much deserved! (oh and I totally enjoyed the prequel too!)

xxEllie

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Review #3, by notreallyblonde44The Recombination of One's Soul and the Psychological Aftereffects: a Case Study: Tom Riddle

25th August 2015:
Hey Rumpelstiltskin! Just doing some light reading for the Silver Scales, and wanted to review your one-shot because it had me laughing! And then really horrified!

About mid-way through I am guessing this is Lockhart talking to a Healer in the Janus Thickey Ward, lets see if Im correct. Either way, very funny stuff. Tom as he likes to be called LOL

Session 0012 is hilarious! The name exchanges and such. Very good dialogue banter. I assume they are roommates? And with the references to females names, Im switching from Lockhart to Rita or Umbridge? I love that we dont know who the narrator is just yet. Your mystery narrator has quite the poor bedside manner >.>

Potter = a chair haha (if you havent read this yet, though its a much darker story, HollyHs Hogwarts Sanitatium, in which the roles are very reversed! But equally intriguing)

A few minor types I noticed along the way:
You, see I was unable to make contact with him until now I dont think that comma is necessary?
patient 9 wont be able to see you. Patient 9 wont
We can't get much passed him here. past not passed
But you wont let that happen, will you Maggie? add an apostrophe in wont and there should be a comma before Maggie since Tom is addressing the narrator
In my shirt! he whispers, excited. capitalize He


OK. WOW. That ending. I just, did not see any of this coming at all. You really sucked me in. I was enjoying it, then it took a sick turn (serpent kissing ew), and then it like exploded and wow. Really strong writing and characterization, loved the point of view. You made a lot of smart observations about power struggles and control that fit with what I think of Voldemort, and the colored circles were creative! Freaky stuff. Such an unreliable narrator too (that I guess really is a Dr. Foster/sofia/maggie person and not someone we know already hah, I was wrong).

Awesome one-shot!
xxEllie

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Review #4, by notreallyblonde44Linger: Linger

22nd August 2015:
Ah so sad, and creepy. Very strong writing with your description and imagery. And a very different style than your last piece for sure. I'm a huge sucker for angst and in under 1,000 words you completely sucked me into the story and the feels :( Having to prove herself as a witch. Really sad. Such an interesting character choice and place in HP canon, who did you come up with this? I forgot who she even was, so when I saw the summary I was like who??...must read haha.

Really like that you opened and closed with white puffs. the circularity really fit with the mood you captured, nice stuff!

xx ellie

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Review #5, by notreallyblonde44The Dirigible Plum Disaster: The Dirigible Plum Disaster

22nd August 2015:
Hey Cassie! Bouncing around to review some things for our swap, youve got quite a mix of stories and eras on your page so Im excited to check some of your stories out!

Full disclaimer: so, I've definitely killed my friend's Beta fish that her boyfriend got her for Valentine's day one year. I went to the store and replaced it. Then told her it was a new fish when the replacement Beta died lol. Basically, I've totally been in this position and feel for Finn 100 percent. So much awkward, and no time to improvise :P

This was short and sweet! I adore Hugo and you've got some great one-liners in here that deepen the story: about Neville giving Hugo the plant, having family time visits (and failing to not use magic haha), and Finn's determination to prove himself. I think his apology was sweet, though I would be upset with him if he killed my plant too :( Poor Tony. But I'm happy they made up!

Cute one-shot,
xx ellie

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Review #6, by notreallyblonde44In Fields of Poppies: Prologue: Her War

21st August 2015:
Hello SunshineDaises! And happy birthday! I saw your post in the HPFF forums for birthday review and thought I would drop by. Also, I've seen this story pop up in the queue and the summary intrigued me!

I love how you inserted history into this, giving war a grounded position in time and attaching the Evans' family to each war. Very new dynamic. A history of war and warriors that Lily must live up to and live through.

Your description was tight and direct. It gave the reader a good idea/framework of what the rest of the story will be about: the tough times of war. The horror and fear associated with always being on the defense, never knowing when it could be your time to die.

The saddest part is that we already know Lily's fate. So your prose tugs at our heartstrings because we know she doesn't survive :(

Happy birthday, hope it's lovely!

Until next time,
--Ellie

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Review #7, by notreallyblonde44Stolen Moments: Small stolen moments

18th August 2015:
Hi again FireOpalQueen,

I said I would be back :P I swear youre writing all by fem-plotbunnies. Like legit. Ive had the same thoughts about Ginny needing comfort since shes lost her love and best friends, except I switched Luna for Lavender haha. This is kind of uncanny, I can share it with you to prove Im not a crazy person (just entirely too lazy to finish the plunnny!). Anywho, enough about me, sorry, onto the story.

Love a good Luna/Ginny!! This is a seriously underrated ship.

Ah, that ending. My heart breaks, but is also happy because Ginny got everything she wanted in the end? So torn. What a bittersweet ending. I never liked or shipped Harry/Ginny, but I respect JKs canon.

Once again, youve really done a nice job with description and executing your plot. Your one-shot is simple, eloquent, it reads so naturally. The pace is perfect. And you wove in the canon too. Great work, hard to do in 500 words!

Im curious about your longer stories now. I would love to see this level of writing and characterization in full-length mode :)

xx,
Ellie

Author's Response: Welcome back, Ellie! : P

It's so funny that you had such a similar idea! Ginny/Lavender is a very interesting pairing, what with Lavender being Ron's ex (and being seen as just a 'silly girl' by the fandom), I'd love to see how you'd make it work. : )

Ginny/Luna is one of my absolute favourite pairings. I ship a lot of things, but this is definitely in my top five at the very least. This story is basically what I think happened/could have happened between them in Deathly Hallows, so yay! I actually ship Harry/Ginny too, which is why I aimed for this bittersweet tone in this story. I have a sequel set 5+ years later in the pipeline where Luna and Ginny get a chance to rekindle their relationship, though...

I'm happy that you like the pacing, because personally I feel it's a little clipped, but it was great writing practise to get this to 500 words. Weaving the story in with Canon was, as I mentioned, pretty much my main goal with this story, so it's great that it worked for you.

If you like this and Red Silk, I'd suggest you read Just Breathe next, because it's much more similar to my one-shots than Grey Fire is. Oh, and as I mentioned there's a Red Silk sequel in the queue by now, so soon you'll have that to read too. : )

/Kapa


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Review #8, by notreallyblonde44Red Silk: A girl with red hair soft as velvet, glossy as silk

18th August 2015:
Hi FireOpalQueen,

I saw your post in the review tag thread on the HPFF forums, and was intrigued by the summaries of your stories, so Im here to review :)

Oh my hotness! 500 words and Im totally invested and shipping DomImogen. Really straightforward plot, build up, and excellent execution at the end with the banter! Your description is luscious, lovely diction all around. Ive written a few 500-shots myself and people always talk about how hard it is to say a lot in so little time. And thats really true! But if you experienced that, I cannot tell. This 500-shot is wham, bam, thank you maam good. I need to know if she was brave and, if so, just how brave she was, ahh!

I also totally love this line: that love only can blossom inside the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. - kind of a modern twist on a famous Jane Austen quote. Oh and the comparison of the hair really sold it for me. So yeah, good stuff here haha. Ill have to check out your other work, I enjoyed your writing a lot :)

Best,
Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

Thanks a lot for this review (and for even coming back and doing one more, wow)! : )

It's great that I managed to make you ship 'DomImogen' (or maybe 'Domogen'?) with this little one shot. I loved writing it, and when capturing the dream that the characters came to me in I definitely focused more on the language than on a complicated plot structure. These two characters come to me in short but crystal clear scenes that I just write down and post, haha. And I actually didn't find it hard to get the story into just 500 words - it landed about there all by itself.

And aaah, you writing that "This 500-shot is 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' good." is one of the best compliments I've ever gotten for a story here, you're making me blush! : )

As for the Austen 'quote with a twist'... huh. It certainly wasn't a knowing reference, but I guess I might have channelled Miss Jane a bit there, yeah. And haha, everybody loves the hair comparison. I wrote in another response that it's sorta the 'heart' of this story - like, it's obviously what I had the title refer to, for example...

Oh, and I've actually just finished a second story about these two, which I'll put in the queue first thing tomorrow, so you'll have your chance to see whether Dominique was brave or not, haha. I'm so touched that you wanted to read more of my writing, and when the next story - named 'Eyes Like Skies', by the way - goes up you'll have the chance to read some more. : )

/Kapa


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Review #9, by notreallyblonde44All in a Day's Work: The One Where it Rains Clothing

18th August 2015:
WOOT! You are in the Hot Seat in the Slytherin common room, so I came to review on of your stories! Im a sucker for a dash of romance and Albus, so Im excited to see where this opening chapter goes :)

Oh! 7 kids, thats quite the cast of characters, literally and figuratively. And I totally dig their names, even if they are a bit hard to follow whos who right now. Hippie parents? Wonder if they hang with Lysander and Lorcan haha.

Either way the Sparrows seem like a very lively bunch, very Fred and George Weasley-esque without the Percy to stink up the fun. Must be nice for Day to get a breather or break once in a awhile maybe? I have two younger brothers and I think theyre too much of a handful at times haha. Best of luck, Day!

She seems like she is responsible and really had her head on her shoulders though. Surviving the chaos with magic and thinking of the little things to get her family through to the platform. Except, wait, what is this Hawk situation? Seems like she might have a silly side to her as well! Curious what that entails haha.

Quick and easy to read introductory chapter overall. Light banter. You set the stage, introduced the main players, and left us hanging with a cool cliffhanger. Solid stuff, curious where this is going and how the romance brews. Until next time ;)

xs,
Ellie

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Review #10, by notreallyblonde44Love. Lies. Monopoly.: The Party Upstairs

18th August 2015:
Hello pointless_proclamations, an old Slytherin from the forums here to review your one-shot!

Oh wow! Scorpius, and you as the author, really went straight to the catch there haha. Not much build up or romance, more of a direct boom lets go! Scorpius sure knows what he wants, I appreciate that characteristic.

I think youve done a great job telling the reader about their relationship. I feel immersed already after a few short paragraphs. A line that sticks out to me though is Lysander was flawed but he was worthwhile; it tells me a lot. But I also think you could expand on this and dig a little deeper maybe, showing the reader the flaws and what good traits make Scorpius feel this way. That would really be interesting to know :)

LOL! Taking the party upstairs meant playing a board game. That is hilarious and adorable, and not at all what I thought Scorpius meant. Their banter is cute. Though Im not sure how old they are or where they are? For some reason I thought Hogwarts, but Im starting to doubt that. Maybe just out of school? Where is upstairs to?

Oh wow, OK. Soo Im entirely too slow to the main event here. I did not read the byline in the banner or enough of the disclaimer. Im a doo, doo brain. Derp. Since this is a parody, I read the original to grasp the full concept :P

Now this is even more hilarious! By the 10th room for, you guessed it, strictly board games comment and the constant whining and naughty grumbling, I was like, is this a parody? Its reading like a parody? *insert a pathetic confused frowny face of confusion here. I knew I was missing something, so I read other reviews and huzzah! Confirmed. A parody. Scratch what I said above about learning more about Lysander since that was never your intention (sorry I review things as I read them, so authors get the full blow-by-blow of my thoughts haha).

Anywho this was light and funny and I enjoyed the banter a lot. Still love the pairing. And this monopoly sounds super legit, call Hasbro, get on this!!

xs,
Ellie

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Review #11, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter four

29th January 2014:
Hi hi last review on the last chapter! :)

Okay, it's been obvious that Molly's story parallels Voldemort and is about making decisions and getting involved in the world around you. I'm curious what Charlie will do with this information later on. Also, I like how Molly's telling the story in a roundabout way and that she makes mistakes about what to tell kids and what not too. For example, corrects herself about "juice" instead of probably wine lol. It's those little details that demonstrate the difference between adults and kids and their understanding of the world. I like how you weave in those little details easily.

Speaking of little details, aww, that's so sad about Apricot's family. Heartbreaking really. Love their tender moment later.

Uhm so Percy is wearing a diaper but knows who Professor Slughorn is in an earlier chapter? I need some age clarifications here XD No offense to the Weasleys, but I don't think Slughorn would ever make a personal house call to them as they are not important enough so I doubt Percy met Slughorn when he was this young...

It's quite clear that Charlie decides he's going to leave the dragons behind, even if for a little while, and help fight. I know he lives, but I'm curious about what Apricot will do. She's such a strong character in this whole thing and I definitely want to know more. I like that you leave the story up for the reader's imagination though. That sort of mysterious ending goes along with the whimsical, but serious, tone you set throughout Serenity Hill.

I must admit, I'm curious about the non-circular ending. Unless I misunderstood, which is possible, I thought Charlie was at Serenity Hill in the first chapter. So now I'm trying to figure out how it all comes around because he's in Romania and there's no mention of him being in Serenity Hill or finding any potion at all. Maybe I took things too literally, it was a children's story Molly told after all...or is Serenity Hill a metaphor for him being in Romania? Because I don't think Romania, risking your life to help dragons, is being blind to the world around you like the make believe land of Serenity Hill is. Maybe I just didn't get it all around :( Sorry.

Overall, your characterizations were great. Charlie seems really deep, but like the silent type. Apricot is boisterous, but she can take things seriously if she must. They both developed over the storyline and their friendship is uniquely caring. I loved seeing your take on the dragons in Romania and that you picked such a pivotal point in canon. I'm always curious, especially now with how close Percy and Charlie grew up, to get Charlie's reaction to what happened with Percy and his family.

Interesting story, interesting flow/pacing. Thanks for sharing!

Best,
Ellie

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Review #12, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter three

29th January 2014:
Hello again! Back for chapter three, excited to see where they've run off to!

I feel dumb for asking, but what does "in theatre" mean? Lol is Charlie referring to his singing? I'm missing the connection to the theatre to his job duties...

Wow that scene with the Dragon was intense. I love how much detail you provided. It gave us a strong sense of Charlie's passion and the dangerous/fickle nature of the beasts he dedicates his life to tend too. I love the side of politics you mention here and there about testing on dragons and lack of buying quills.

'Arthur about being so outspoken about their meal' -this line implies that the Weasleys eat dandelions...do they??

Oh, plot twist! Voldiecakes is back! If Bill wrote the letter, why is the insignia a 'G'? Regardless, what a nice way to insert canon-context and give us Charlie's side of things. I'm enjoying Apricot's character. She seems really fleshed out for someone we only get glimpses of.

Another shift back to the story to younger Charlie and Percy. I'm curious to see how it all links together, sounds like coping mechanism for future Charlie or maybe he's dead when he goes there (dun, dun, dun)?

I think your story is interesting, but I wish for more. Sometimes, just when I'm sinking into a scene, you hop back to his past or hop back to the present or the chapter ends. I sort of feel torn as a reader and would like to be a little more grounded in each event. If that was your intention, perhaps to build suspense, then you executed it well though.

Off to the final chapter, can't wait to see what is revealed!

Best,
Ellie

Author's Response: Ellie!! Thanks so much for your reviews, I chanced to visit this page after AGES and saw that you'd been to visit. I'm really lame at responding to reviews, but I wanted to answer your questions about logistics. I know you asked a lot about how the story should be interpreted as well, but I don't want to shut down any ideas that you had while reading while presenting a "correct" model.

"In theatre" is actually what it's called in the operating room while a surgery is going on. I'm not sure why, but it refers to the act of medical surgery rather than any acting or singing talents that Charlie may secretly possess.

And, yes, dandelion weeds are food that I can imagine the Weasleys eating. They're in thick countryside and they're pretty resourceful! I've had them once or twice myself and they can be bitter, but aren't most greens?

Bill sent the letter from Gringotts :)

My intention wasn't to create tension by switching back and forth between past and present. Anything that I didn't do well enough to ground you in the scenes before moving onto the next was unintentional...The way that I approached writing this story was to just sort of reach a point in a scene where I thought I had conveyed enough, and then I moved to the next scene, and repeated the cycle until the story was over. I was experimenting with the non-linear form and so its flaws were unintentional.

(There's something that's really popular for amateur writers to say where it's like, well you were confused because I meant you to be confused so it's good! as a way of deflecting criticism. This is called belief in the fallacy of imitative form. I'm not one of those writers anymore, though I think that I used to be because I didn't know better. We often look up to grand writers when we're starting out, and because the writers that we learn to read in school are especially nonsensical and difficult I think we learn to equate dense and unforgiving writing with "good" writing. While that's not NOT true, making something difficult to understand for the sole purpose of "confusing" a reader isn't pure form. I think it's okay when it arises out of genuine concern for the character--like, when you don't know another way to write it, when it arises organically out of a writer's best interest for their character--but making things purposefully convoluted isn't something that I think is OK to do. It's difficult to do, besides this. So many people use the term "stream of consciousness" to label blather but it's like, dude, have you ever really paid attention to the way that most people think? I, for one, am a caveman inside my own head. Food. Smells good! Want! Hungry! etc. oh my god I didn't mean this to turn into a rant I just wanted to mention fallacy of imitative form and take responsibility for my story's flaws I'm so sorry!)

Ellie, thank you again for your reviews. I'm currently SWAMPED in my senior thesis work and research and classes and midterms and other projects but I'll do my best to, as soon as I can/remember, fulfill my half of the deal. I can't even remember if I did already or not but at any rate, I will visit your page in the near-ish future :)

-lily


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Review #13, by notreallyblonde44Deviant: Nargles and Projects.

29th January 2014:
Hello ThestralPrincess :)

I was browsing through the recently added section and I thought your summary sounded upbeat and funny, so I thought I would pop in for a read. I also think this is my first Rolf/Luna (as I'm an avid Dean/Luna shipper) so I'm excited to read this :)

'Greenland to collide with the party' -perhaps you mean coincide? I like Professor Stirling's purposeful disappearances. Sounds like a typical scholar to me, wanting to escape the people by getting away by any means necessary.

I like your Rolf and the consistent tone of this one-shot. You write his personality so clearly! In under a few paragraphs, I feel like I know him. That shows great skill and understanding of your characters!

'other nargle had followed the other' -I didn't mention anything before, but this is the third instance where you repeat the same word in the same, or surrounding, sentence. I suggest varying up your language here as to not confuse the reader. I found myself re-reading lines like this and the one about Rolf keeping himself to himself and somewhere else 'presence' happened basically three times in a row. So it took a while for me to catch your meaning ;)

I love Rolf and Luna's interactions so far! She's coming across so in character. Her dress, her lack of footwear, how Rolf can't imagine what's she doing at this party. I also love that he can see the nargles and he doesn't realize that no one else can (probably) besides the two of them. It's so endearing that he came over to save Luna from them and that she completely drives him bonkers, unintentionally. Adorable!

I see." -forgot a dialogue tag here. Awww I love Luna's response to this! She's so open (and seemingly vulnerable, but we all know how strong she is) and I love the way he describes her eyes and stares.

He was sitting right now it -in.

LOL. Patience of a saint and strangling Luna. I'm giggling as we're figuring out what happened during their project so far. Oh wait, snog?? He is one love-sick puppy, it's so adorable! I hope someone likes me this way one day *le sigh*

This one-shot was so cute! There were some minor errors and missing commas that could be caught easily by reading it aloud, but nothing was too glaring or deterred from how sweet this one-shot is. You did a great job of showing and not telling the reader. I loved Rolf's POV/voice and how easily you portrayed Luna (I think she's one of the hardest characters to write well!!).

I also love the ending with Luna's experiment and I can only guess what happens from there (wedding bells and babies!). Rolf is understanding and dedicated to Luna and it's so sweet to see that she feels a certain way about him too. I love that he landed in Mungo's because of one of her other experiments. Too funny. You definitely get the sense of Rolf's devotion and I'm happy that Luna gets a happy ending after the war. Thanks for sharing this with us!

--NRB

Author's Response: This is actually my first Rolf/Luna, written for ‘The Uncomfortable Challenge’ so it had to be something I hadn’t done before. I’ve never been into the whole Rolf/Luna thing, so it was fun to come up with Rolf’s character and bring them together.

Thank you I’ve added the change to the original for when I repost it (I currently have another chapter in for validation). I love Professor Stirling, despite his lack of real presence in the story. I think when I get round to rewriting this I might add more of him in. I just really enjoyed writing a somewhat grumpy absent character with somewhat lax values (his dislike of werewolves and the ministry).

Thank you for your comments on Rolf. I was struggling with how to portray him really; I just knew I wanted to have it from his point of view. So I’m glad I succeeded in creating him well and that he felt consistent.

I think I found the repetitive parts you mentioned and tried to change things. Thank you for pointing them out, it’s a bit of a weakness of mine. I also found the missing dialogue tag and added it in, as well as the ‘it-in’ mix-up. Thank you for catching them and letting me know, I do read my stories through, but I find it’s so easy to miss stuff because I know what it’s supposed to say.

I am so glad you enjoyed Rolf and Luna’s interactions! I really wanted to demonstrate their relationship rather then cement it in dialogue, because to be fair Luna is rather expressive without saying anything and I wanted to portray Rolf and completely overwhelmed and tongue-tied around her.

I was also rather nervous about keeping her in character, especially since I adore Luna the way she is and I wouldn’t want to change her for the world! I love her mixture of strength, independence, innocence and vulnerability. She is one of my favourite characters and she deserves someone who falls over their feet around her and adores her with all her quirks. Even if she does drive him insane.

I was originally planning on writing this as a short story and go into depth about their interactions during the project. But I am kind of limited because the challenge has a deadline and I have another larger challenge project as well. At some point though I’d like to come back to this story and write what happens in between their second meeting and the kiss.

I think then I’d also be able to more fully portray Rolf’s character traits that I couldn’t really here. Especially how Rolf is really a very confident guy, but all of that confidence is somehow stripped away when he’s in Luna’s presence.

I’m so glad that you enjoyed it and overcame my errors, thank you for pointing some of them out so I can correct them. I’m so glad about your comments on how I portrayed the characters, which is the most important thing for me in my writing, so it’s always so wonderful when reviewers comment on it favourably! Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

~ ThestralPrincess


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Review #14, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter two

28th January 2014:
Me again!

'curious, young dragon would do before blasting you with whitehot flame, his way of making sure you're worthy of his presence.' -love this line. It gives the reader a better sense of your characters. It shows Apricot's nature and Charlie's dedication to understanding dragons.

Their play fight was fun too. I like that she's somewhat aggressive and better than him. She's not a woman to be trifled with it seems.

Molly is telling one ominous story. What's with the seed packets? Where the people going to serenity hill or does disappearing mean something grimmer?

And where are Apricot and Charlie hurrying off too?

Off to find out more, guess my only bit of CC is that I want to know more and faster haha.

Best,
Ellie

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Review #15, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter one

28th January 2014:
Hey Aiedail!

After only five million years, I've finally come to complete our review swap from TGS. This might be my second ever Charlie/OC, so I'm excited to see what your story entails! And to see what Serenity Hill may be. I'm typing as I read btw ;)

Interesting, seems like Serenity Hill is a made up place, a place where Charlie goes to escape perhaps?

I enjoyed the younger characterizations of Charlie and Percy (and the brief mention of Bill later in the chapter). We don't know much about Charlie, so I like learning about his youth. I think the fact that the boys share a space makes a lot of sense given the Weasley's financials. Nice way to weave in a canon detail into your story. Charlie seems like a little roughneck doesn't he for beating up Percy haha. I was a bit confused about their ages given how young they seem to act, yet how they knew Professor Slughorn...maybe that could use a bit of clearing up?

I'm getting a sense of trepidation about Charlie's work with the dragons. I like the line between danger and routine that you're drawing here. I think it will become important...they can't be careless, but it must be difficult to stay alert when everything feels like humdrum all day. At least, that's how I feel at my desk during work :P

The description of Apricot is funny; she seems like a vibrant character. I'm excited to get to see more of her. Also, I feel the same way about my curly hair!

Oh a potion? I wonder how much of Molly's story is real and what's not. Guess we learn more in the next chapter, does Charlie make the potion himself? Questions, questions. Overall, interesting character choice and premise. Curious where everything is going.

Best,
Ellie

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Review #16, by notreallyblonde44falling away with you: falling away with you

28th January 2014:
Hello patronus_charm! I saw this up for nomination on TGS and I came to read it, and I'm glad I did!

I have to admit that I'm always hesitant when I read anything in second person. I tend to hate it, finding it distracting...maybe because I hate being told what to do? Haha. Regardless, I feel that you articulated the story really well in second person and I grew not notice my discomfort with second person throughout your piece, which is a sign of quality writing, because you really sucked me into this story! (And this ship Oh M G...I'm also writing in the rare pair challenge, so yikes do I have stiff competition! haha)

First, I love that the story played with time a bit because you got a feel for the entire relationship from start to beginning with the added hint of what's to come, but without being obvious. The sweet moments were punctuated with a fight, which really brought up the stakes of their relationship! Also, the fact that age is an essential trope of Rose/Draco's relationship, messing with the timeline just seems so appropriate and you did a nice job making everything fluid and coherent.

Then the imagery!! It is beautiful. I loved the way you make art central to Rose and Draco's story, especially Rose's character. It is interesting to see her perception through colors and lines this way. She sees the essence and beauty in everything this way, which makes her interest in Draco and his age seem realistic and not forced. And I love that she made him something! It really shows the reader how much she cares and how much effort she's putting into their relationship. I wonder what Draco's done with it now that they are over...

The only thing I want to know more about is Draco. He was such a wonderfully crafted mystery! I just wanted more and more...and I don't even like the guy haha. You presented Rose's emotions so clear and (given the POV limitations) his intentions were not as clear to me. It got me thinking about if he loved her, if was rebounding so to speak, or getting in touch with his youth in a roundabout way. Leaving his motives out definitely made me sympathize for Rose so much more! I think she really was enamored by Draco and it's sad that's she lost him/that their time together is over.

A few minor mistakes I noticed:
'than the many which bedecked the walls of Hogwarts.' - witch
'your cloak being thrown upon it as you ran ahed of him' - ahead

I feel that I have loads more to write about this one-shot, but my mind is blanking on compliments haha. I think you did a great job here and I now care about a ship I've never considered before. Thanks for sharing this story with us!

Best,
Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie, I'm so glad you came here too, because this review is so fantastic!

I know what you mean because I used to dislike it until I began writing in it and I've actually grown to really like it since then. I'm so glad that you thought it worked here though and that you liked it, as that's so great to hear :P Haha, I'm sure your entry will be great and I'll check it out once it's up :)

You're actually the first person to really comment on the punctuated timeline and the way we kept on going back to the fight so I thought no one really liked it, but hearing that you did is great and has calmed my fears over that :P It definitely was a lot of fun because it made me write a lot more introspectively because I already knew the outcome of it all.

Aw, thank you! I thought it would be fun to tie it all in and see how I coped with doing it all because I'm not a big art fan personally but trying out here was great fun! I'm glad that you picked up on how it made her view Draco differently because she just viewed him as an interesting person rather than an old man who was a former enemy which made it manageable. I think he would have kept it, and always loved Rose because they did have something different just too different it could never have really lasted.

Haha, I deliberately didn't reveal too much about Draco because he was always a bit of a mystery to me with the way you never fully knew his motives and how he always slunk around so that's why it was left like that. I think that's another reason why it drew Rose in because of all the mystery which surrounded his persona as it made him more of a story which is what an artist wants.

Thanks for pointing out those, I'm not too surprised there were some given the length of this one-shot :P Thanks for such a fantastic review too, it was a wonderful surprise, and it's made me think a lot more about Draco and Rose too!

-Kiana


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Review #17, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Official

19th January 2014:
Hi hi! Back with the last review for your entry, Wolf Calling.

Congrats Louis! Looks like his hard work paid off :) Excited to see the developments.

"You're her relieve." -You're her relief

'since there was only one healer manning that whole ward' -super personal pet-peeve. Staffing. Manning implies men only :/ You don't have to change it, but I prefer gender-neutral terminology.

'but feeling the wind blow your hair from her forehead' - your hair, not her.

Aw Jonah, break my heart!! The moments with Jonah really added another level to Louis and I liked that. I feel like we're really getting to know him, which is great. I also am so sad about what's happening in your story. It's so awful, I hope they catch the person who's turning these kids. I pray it's not baby Remus or I will be devastated. It's a good idea that Louis wants Remus to meet Jonah. It's sad, but at least he isn't alone. Not by a lot it sounds like. Makes me wonder: how many attacks have happened? What's going on in the werewolf's mind? So many questions to be answered, yay!

I'm happy you entered the challenge and love your focus on Louis. His male mind is excellent and I really feel like you're stretching your writing wings since "Why Not/Because I Love You" with a new cast and a new perspective. I'm curious to see what develops and I like Louis a lot as a character. Sometimes your pacing can be slow, with a lot of internal monologue (the showing not telling thing I've mentioned a few times), but I think your plot is great and your characters are sucking me in. Thanks for sharing this, looking to read some more in the future :)

xxEllie

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Review #18, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Doubt

17th January 2014:
Hey again!

Oh research team dynamics! This looks like fun. Miranda is entertaining me and I love all the personalities that are about to crop up. Lol- always her time of the month. Nice. Oh, and ageism too. This will be interesting! * keeps reading* Uh, he's paid his dues and they don't want to baby him. Tension, love it!

Hmm Prefect and Head Boy but lacked speaking skills and avoids conflict? I don't know if that all matches up in my mind, but I know he's determined haha. Sounds like he should be a Puff indeed, but I think he's going to prove his bravery (pull a Neville!) eventually :) I'm excited to see his character grow.

The only single one for dinner? Oof, I wouldn't want to be in that seat (thank goodness I have younger siblings haha). I'm surprised they don't ask him about his love life considering he's "next" so to speak. I'm glad his focus is on more important things.

"I still arrived at shell cottage" - proper noun. Should be capitalized

"His mum worried over me." Who's mum? The dialogue tag from the previous sentence didn't make it seem like it was anyone but his dad talking. Oh My mum? I think there's a POV switch here.

"Kind of funny since Dad had once told us that there had been a time when Nana couldn't stand Mum," you already mentioned this in one of the other chapters ;)

I really like the contrast you paint between Louis and his flatmates. They go out, he stays in. He gets promoted, we don't have a clue what they do. Seems like Louis is really the silent ambitious type. I like his dedication and I think he's going to do well on the research team!

Until next chapter!

--Ellie

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Review #19, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Attack

17th January 2014:
Hi Leslie!

2/4 on Wolf Calling :)

Oh goodness, 23 and he thinks he's old. I sympathize. I laughed at the paragraph in general. I like this side of Louis, he seems cranky and is entertaining.

Oh yikes! Planned attacks! Terrifying thought. It would be so heartbreaking to have that happen to someone in your family (if I were a wizard, of course, and werewolves were real). But the tragedy is real and this was a good turning point for Louis to grapple with what his boss is asking of him. I'm curious to see what Jonah knows and if the attacks were planned and to eventually catch this monster!

This is SUPER nit-picky of me, but I have this thing about stating future events before they happen in time. I don't really like the ominous "I would later know" thing in general. And although the Gretchen piece isn't ominous at all, saying Louis would later know takes me away from the shared joke of the present and throws me into the future. I know this isn't a significant piece of info, but it makes me question when this wedding is and makes me think these characters could live (I mean they're searching for a werewolf soon right? so there's a risk of death) etc. Like I wrote, SUPER nit-picky and you can ignore my rant now :P

Haha the scene with Frank. Poor guy, I hope he ends up with Lily (do I sense a plunny spin-off)?

Overall, I like the connectivity of everything. How you manage to incorporate canon characters and other characters into Louis's life so seamlessly. It's very natural as opposed to all the characters being thrown into the reader's face right away (I'm guilty of this sometimes). I like the feeling I'm getting of going with the normal flow of Louis's life and meeting everyone "naturally" so to speak/write.

I'm excited to see who's on the team and see what's going to happen!! Your pacing is really building up a plot here :)

Until next chapter!

--Ellie

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Review #20, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Sleep - what's that?

17th January 2014:
Hi Leslie!

Back again for some reviewing. You said to split them up, so I'm going to do 4 and 4. Hope that's alight ;)

Oh my goodness! The image of an arm sprouting from well, you know where, on a full grown man! Quite hilarious and disgusting at the same time. It's great how you add little anecdotes here and there to show Louis's job without always being in Mungo's. And it is a silly thing how many magically mistakes a population of wizards and witches can have when that's all they learn lol.

I enjoyed learning more about Louis's quirks throughout the chapter. The way he acts when he drinks, how he loves food and what his job means to him. Nice touches help us get to know him and care for the journey he's about to embark on :)

"respected Ministry of Magic office jobs" I think some details here would be a nice touch to flesh out his roommates and give us an idea of how deep their friendship runs. Did they just live together because it's convenient? Are they best friends? Did they all go to Hogwarts together? My last question gets answered eventually, but still I'm curious about details, even though they are minor characters. Louis has been living with them for two years, more detail seems appropriate to me. Maybe a conversation could have happened while they're at the bar?

I love that Fleur can tell her children by their footsteps. What a nice detail to show Fleur's attentiveness and care. Especially when she makes cookies. Although I'm curious what they talk about for an hour while his clothes get washed.

Overall, I think it was a nice chapter. A little fillerish, but it provided the backbone for the main story and seems that Louis has made his decision, which is awesome as it will lead to a fantastic plot, I'm sure :) I guess my main concrit, and maybe you're future chapters have more action, but I feel like I would like a little more showing and not telling in this chapter. I would've liked a bit more details here and there about what Louis's room looked like and what the letter actually said. Expanding on little things like these really would paint a fuller picture for your characters I think.

The language and writing style flowed well and I'm excited to see what happens when Louis accepts!

Until next chapter!

--Ellie

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Review #21, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Decision

14th January 2014:
Hi Leslie!

Sooo after almost an entire year of your post date at TGS in my challenge thread, I'm finally reviewing this fic (sheepish grin, don't kill me, so sorry, I'm awful and did one of my disappearing acts!).

Sounds like a lot is going on in this story. Louis is growing up, Healers and Aurors are uniting for a case, inevitable Weasley family dynamics/shenanigans are bound to happen, murder mystery, etc, etc. Very dynamic plot you've got yourself here and I'm looking forward to seeing how it progresses once Louis accepts!

I'm also very curious to read more about his nephew that has become infected, which is the saddest thing ever :( I always found so much comfort in the fact Teddy didn't take after Remus's lycathrophy, but I guess between that gene and Bill's genetics, the poor kid was doomed. (depressing) This does raise a lot of questions about the nature of lycanthrophy and if it can be cured. Wonder if we'll see hints of a cure in future chapters?

My one critique would be the lack of action in this chapter. I get that Louis is a more internal character, which you show nicely through other character's comments and the jabs he mentions his sisters making, so I think the thoughts make sense, but at times they slowed the pacing a bit down. I say this because your "showing" scenes were so good. I loved the old lady bit and Louis awkward interactions with Thomas. They provided some much needed comedic relief on the heavy topic of hurting children and were really well done. Given where your plot appears to be going, I definitely look forward to more action and showing scenes in the future :)

Unique take on the Next-Gen, two thumbs up!

--Ellie

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Review #22, by notreallyblonde44The Secret Life of Slytherins: Week One

10th December 2012:
Hey slytherinchica08! Ellie here to review you back for the review swap. Thanks for your lovely review btw, hope to reply to it soon~

One of the best features of this story is the fact that you are focusing on Slytherin. Here, here to our house! I always love dynamic representations of Slytherins and the inner-house dynamics that no one gets to see because Harry Potter is told from a (biased) Gryffindor's perspective. So I love your initial setup already and when you touched upon the fact that they protected each other in an odd way that may not make sense to most. The have to uphold the best interest of their house, their families, and then themselves. Their tradition and legacy is what makes them powerful and gives them purpose.

Well, all but Tracey (yay for using an underrated canon character as your MC!!!). I assume you went the canon route and she's a half-blood who's parents separated because of the strain magic created in their lives, yes? And I assume her blood line is what she's trying to keep secret or just the divorce? As a child of divorce I feel for Tracey's situation; however, I think there needs to be a tangible reason that the reader can understand for why Tracey thinks she is the cause. If Tracey was younger, oh say under 13, then yeah everyone thinks everything is their fault then. But I assumed she was older and even older teenagers although they made still be ego, ego, ego would probably think of other reasons why their parents got divorced. However, this detail begs the question how old/what year are they in?

& The obvious question: will the war play a role? These are the things I'm curious about and want to learn more of ;)

I liked the shift in POV to Theo. The flow was really nice and you showed the reader you can do dialogue and action, which was a lovely change of pace. And the plot twist at the end definitely was a great way to hook your reader into the rest of your story! You want to know what's going to happen. How Theo is going to use Tracey? How Tracey is going to react, if at all, to Theo's pursuits? What about Daphne? Will she come out? All betrayal, intrigue, and scandal from here, which is awesome! *cackles* Hope for more action and showing in the rest of the story, as well as watching the chaos as the Slytherins protect their secrets and livelihood. Nifty plot, solid characters.

Cheers dear,
xx Ellie

Author's Response: YAY! This is just such a wonderful review and its left me with all of these feels! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story and where i'm going with it! I love the slytherins and wanted to show a different side of them, one that not many people would get to see! Plus I got addicted to Gossip Girl and wanted a way to use that in the HP world and this was the result! So many questions! The only way you will find out what will be happening is if you continue to read on! Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #23, by notreallyblonde44Diamonds into Coal: A Birthday Feast

9th December 2012:
Hello! Ellie here from the HPFF forums, reviewing for some fun holiday swap. I've always wanted to read this, since the summary used to say something along the lines of 'Hogwarts' first unrequited romance'. This review has been a long time coming haha. Also, I already read (gobbled up in seconds) the first chapter, so I am compiling two reviews into one here ;)

I loved the brief narrative style of the first chapter. In under 1,000 words you set the characters, tone, and setting for your entire story. It was succinct and powerful. You showed us the Baron's pain and gave us foresight for his emotions. You brought the reader in, which is a fantastic tool as a writer. So naturally I had to read more haha.

Ok. So I genuinely love this era and so few people can quite master the language that needs to accompany the Founders. But you have done it, and with so much dialogue too! You don't shy away from writing dialogue (which I find myself doing with Founders), you embrace it fully and do a really good job of capturing the era. Name selection, the houseelves responsibilities, courting, birthrites, etc. Like your A/N states, I see where you have made up little bits of norms here and there, but nothing stands out as impossible.

Because I can never leave a review without some concrit:
I understand Venn needs to get married to earn the crown, but he seemed pretty against the idea or at least his options. Maybe more examples would have made that more concrete so that his interest in Helena's beauty would seem less quick and unprovoked. He was too quick to cave to hearing of her beauty in my opinion. BUT that does set the tone for his downfall quite nicely. So I'm torn on this aspect; hence why some examples of his opinion of other court girls might be nice?

Also, "Salazar's demise" -- Venn seems to wish the end of his uncle here. Demise is strong word in my opinion o.O Unless he does want his uncle to perish soon. Wonder why at that.

Oppositely, such telling lines like these make this a powerful story and show off your talents as a writer: "unwilling to allow himself to become paranoid like his uncle" and "navigating the small fortune of jewels that graced her fingertips and planting a soft kiss on a bit of exposed skin", etc, etc. These simply pieces of description show the reader so much! Insight into the character's like woah! Fantastic show instead of tell. You could have been like, they are stinking rich, but no you didn't. You let the reader figure that out.

Venn is a lovely name and I feel for his character thus far. He's in a sticky spot, but hey he's still a man with "baser needs" as your Salazar put it haha. He likes wealth and beauty and we can see the contrast in his older and younger self. I feel for him already, because we know what will happen in the end, but I await his journey to sorrow. I'm a sucker for angst I guess :P

& I cannot wait to meet Helena as well. She's such an interesting character to me. I personally find her to be quite the Slytherin in nature, but I'm curious how you will portray her ;)

xx Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie! Sorry this response took so long!

Yes, the summary did contain that line at one point, but I changed it up hoping to attract more readers (and entertain myself). It might get changed again at some point, who knows? Anyway, I'm glad you wanted to check it out.

I'm glad everything seems period-appropriate to you, especially the dialogue. I definitely didn't want to go the thees and thous direction, but I also didn't want things to sound too casual or modern, so it's been a difficult line to toe. I like to think I've done a pretty good job, and it's great that you agree.

Venn is very... mercurial. I've been struggling with trying to establish his intentions throughout the story. Right now, he's very shallow, thinking mostly of his impending takeover of his father's kingdom. His interest in Helena's beauty, a very temporary and surface characteristic, and his callous way of thinking about the end of Salazar's life were intended to reflect that. I'm struggling even more now while trying to play between his continued childishness and his growing affection for Helena. Your critique helps to steer me along as I try to work that out, and I really appreciate you pointing these bits out.

Anyway, glad the imagery works well! I firmly believe in show and NOT tell, as I so often tell people in reviews, so I'm happy that you like it and feel like I executed that style well.

I'm happy you're enjoying getting to know Venn, and that you're curious about Helena. I hope you read on to further discover each of them--or at least how I've portrayed them!

Thanks for this very kind review :)

-Amanda


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Review #24, by notreallyblonde44Dreamscape: darkmark.

9th December 2012:
The beautiful banner drew me in...as all your banners do *cough*...and I'm so happy (I feel like happy is not the right word) to have read this. It was a very different take on post-Hogwarts life and I feel like it's only going to get darker.

& the plot twist at the end! Very nice. I can't say I ever favored reading Draco fics. I always paired him as alone and desolate forever...but maybe, just maybe between you and peppersweet, Drastoria might become one of my more enjoyable pairings to read. There is so much room for originality. I love that you still mentioned Pansy and I laughed that she couldn't grasp the concept of "seeing other people"...esp when he decides to see a therapist. I almost hope that he gets better, but I like his tortured soul. It's seems appropriate for all the deeds he was involved in.

Looking forward to the rest, hope that posting this and all the positive feedback inspires you like you want :)

xx Ellie

Author's Response: Hee, I really really wanted to put more ultramarine banners on the archive, and I forget whether the fic or the banner came first xD Because i have a habit of writing fics around banners.

It's strange; a lot of people think it's going to get more romantic, and you're the first to think that it's going to get darker. I think the first chapter is pretty indicative of the rest, but I've never actually intended for this fic to be overtly romantic, so you're closer to the mark! The thing about Draco getting better - the past never truly goes away does it? And it shouldn't, I think.

Hee ♥ Julia solidified my love for Drastoria. Before her, I had an inkling that I'd like the ship, but I'd never read any Drastoria before. Her downtrodden characters fit my fancy too well.

♥ thank you so much! It definitely has; I never expected this response! If only I had more time xD


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Review #25, by notreallyblonde44And Capers Ensue: Sweet, Sweet Revenge

30th April 2012:
"AZKABAN HAS A ONE LETTER PER MONTH POLICY, WE CAN MANAGE!" -LOL! It is lines like these that really get me. SO FUNNY! This story is chock-full of originality, spunk and sugar just like your funky banner and banner banter suggests. I don't really have any substantial comments or criticisms, which is unlike me, so I'm sorry about the shortness of the reviews. I'm at a loss.

Your diction is precise and excellent. I miss Fred already, but I adore Albus, Rose, and Lucy. The cousins are all absolutely barmy and unique, like nothing next-gen I've ever read. Albus is such a baby, Rose is a nutcase, and Lucy is a hilarious instigator. & the dynamics between Scorpius and Anjali make me want to barf, barf, barf. Not interested in them, I hope they just *bleck* What entertains me that you flip the typical switch. You still give the Malfoys power in the world when many authors don't. I like this, it shows how truly ambitious they are and why they were put into Slytherin into the first place. Which brings me to the house dynamics, they are lovely. Over the top, but in the best way and not cliche in my opinion, just accurate. OH and the ending, Bea can be so vengeful, I wonder what lies beneath her hate for Malfoy and Anjali...it's got to be something deeper than it appears.

Off to read the next chapter...curious to learn more!

-Ellie

Author's Response:
I remember, my first slew of chapters are so crazy when I introduce all the characters 8D Hee, I'm glad you like it. Strangely enough, this whole cast is just how I imagined next gen initially; I really hadn't read many other fics to influence me, sans Julia's Starving Artists (thus the homage to crazy!Rose and artist!Lucy amongst other things).

It's been 13 chapters since, but omg I still remember how absolutely horrendously barfy Scorpius used to be xD what a smarmy. It's why I love him. I remember wondering to myself, well, if the Malfoys were to stay in power, there's one obvious way they could it, and that was business. I like to play with archetypes early in my fics just so I can defy it later. Even with Bea, I remember everyone thinking she was this hyper biscuit inhaler, which she totally is, but she's smarter than she seems and resents it when people don't see her that way, and that's a huge part of her later story.

♥ thank you so much for the reviews!


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