Reading Reviews From Member: notreallyblonde44
121 Reviews Found

Review #1, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter four

29th January 2014:
Hi hi last review on the last chapter! :)

Okay, it's been obvious that Molly's story parallels Voldemort and is about making decisions and getting involved in the world around you. I'm curious what Charlie will do with this information later on. Also, I like how Molly's telling the story in a roundabout way and that she makes mistakes about what to tell kids and what not too. For example, corrects herself about "juice" instead of probably wine lol. It's those little details that demonstrate the difference between adults and kids and their understanding of the world. I like how you weave in those little details easily.

Speaking of little details, aww, that's so sad about Apricot's family. Heartbreaking really. Love their tender moment later.

Uhm so Percy is wearing a diaper but knows who Professor Slughorn is in an earlier chapter? I need some age clarifications here XD No offense to the Weasleys, but I don't think Slughorn would ever make a personal house call to them as they are not important enough so I doubt Percy met Slughorn when he was this young...

It's quite clear that Charlie decides he's going to leave the dragons behind, even if for a little while, and help fight. I know he lives, but I'm curious about what Apricot will do. She's such a strong character in this whole thing and I definitely want to know more. I like that you leave the story up for the reader's imagination though. That sort of mysterious ending goes along with the whimsical, but serious, tone you set throughout Serenity Hill.

I must admit, I'm curious about the non-circular ending. Unless I misunderstood, which is possible, I thought Charlie was at Serenity Hill in the first chapter. So now I'm trying to figure out how it all comes around because he's in Romania and there's no mention of him being in Serenity Hill or finding any potion at all. Maybe I took things too literally, it was a children's story Molly told after all...or is Serenity Hill a metaphor for him being in Romania? Because I don't think Romania, risking your life to help dragons, is being blind to the world around you like the make believe land of Serenity Hill is. Maybe I just didn't get it all around :( Sorry.

Overall, your characterizations were great. Charlie seems really deep, but like the silent type. Apricot is boisterous, but she can take things seriously if she must. They both developed over the storyline and their friendship is uniquely caring. I loved seeing your take on the dragons in Romania and that you picked such a pivotal point in canon. I'm always curious, especially now with how close Percy and Charlie grew up, to get Charlie's reaction to what happened with Percy and his family.

Interesting story, interesting flow/pacing. Thanks for sharing!


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Review #2, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter three

29th January 2014:
Hello again! Back for chapter three, excited to see where they've run off to!

I feel dumb for asking, but what does "in theatre" mean? Lol is Charlie referring to his singing? I'm missing the connection to the theatre to his job duties...

Wow that scene with the Dragon was intense. I love how much detail you provided. It gave us a strong sense of Charlie's passion and the dangerous/fickle nature of the beasts he dedicates his life to tend too. I love the side of politics you mention here and there about testing on dragons and lack of buying quills.

'Arthur about being so outspoken about their meal' -this line implies that the Weasleys eat they??

Oh, plot twist! Voldiecakes is back! If Bill wrote the letter, why is the insignia a 'G'? Regardless, what a nice way to insert canon-context and give us Charlie's side of things. I'm enjoying Apricot's character. She seems really fleshed out for someone we only get glimpses of.

Another shift back to the story to younger Charlie and Percy. I'm curious to see how it all links together, sounds like coping mechanism for future Charlie or maybe he's dead when he goes there (dun, dun, dun)?

I think your story is interesting, but I wish for more. Sometimes, just when I'm sinking into a scene, you hop back to his past or hop back to the present or the chapter ends. I sort of feel torn as a reader and would like to be a little more grounded in each event. If that was your intention, perhaps to build suspense, then you executed it well though.

Off to the final chapter, can't wait to see what is revealed!


Author's Response: Ellie!! Thanks so much for your reviews, I chanced to visit this page after AGES and saw that you'd been to visit. I'm really lame at responding to reviews, but I wanted to answer your questions about logistics. I know you asked a lot about how the story should be interpreted as well, but I don't want to shut down any ideas that you had while reading while presenting a "correct" model.

"In theatre" is actually what it's called in the operating room while a surgery is going on. I'm not sure why, but it refers to the act of medical surgery rather than any acting or singing talents that Charlie may secretly possess.

And, yes, dandelion weeds are food that I can imagine the Weasleys eating. They're in thick countryside and they're pretty resourceful! I've had them once or twice myself and they can be bitter, but aren't most greens?

Bill sent the letter from Gringotts :)

My intention wasn't to create tension by switching back and forth between past and present. Anything that I didn't do well enough to ground you in the scenes before moving onto the next was unintentional...The way that I approached writing this story was to just sort of reach a point in a scene where I thought I had conveyed enough, and then I moved to the next scene, and repeated the cycle until the story was over. I was experimenting with the non-linear form and so its flaws were unintentional.

(There's something that's really popular for amateur writers to say where it's like, well you were confused because I meant you to be confused so it's good! as a way of deflecting criticism. This is called belief in the fallacy of imitative form. I'm not one of those writers anymore, though I think that I used to be because I didn't know better. We often look up to grand writers when we're starting out, and because the writers that we learn to read in school are especially nonsensical and difficult I think we learn to equate dense and unforgiving writing with "good" writing. While that's not NOT true, making something difficult to understand for the sole purpose of "confusing" a reader isn't pure form. I think it's okay when it arises out of genuine concern for the character--like, when you don't know another way to write it, when it arises organically out of a writer's best interest for their character--but making things purposefully convoluted isn't something that I think is OK to do. It's difficult to do, besides this. So many people use the term "stream of consciousness" to label blather but it's like, dude, have you ever really paid attention to the way that most people think? I, for one, am a caveman inside my own head. Food. Smells good! Want! Hungry! etc. oh my god I didn't mean this to turn into a rant I just wanted to mention fallacy of imitative form and take responsibility for my story's flaws I'm so sorry!)

Ellie, thank you again for your reviews. I'm currently SWAMPED in my senior thesis work and research and classes and midterms and other projects but I'll do my best to, as soon as I can/remember, fulfill my half of the deal. I can't even remember if I did already or not but at any rate, I will visit your page in the near-ish future :)


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Review #3, by notreallyblonde44Deviant: Nargles and Projects.

29th January 2014:
Hello ThestralPrincess :)

I was browsing through the recently added section and I thought your summary sounded upbeat and funny, so I thought I would pop in for a read. I also think this is my first Rolf/Luna (as I'm an avid Dean/Luna shipper) so I'm excited to read this :)

'Greenland to collide with the party' -perhaps you mean coincide? I like Professor Stirling's purposeful disappearances. Sounds like a typical scholar to me, wanting to escape the people by getting away by any means necessary.

I like your Rolf and the consistent tone of this one-shot. You write his personality so clearly! In under a few paragraphs, I feel like I know him. That shows great skill and understanding of your characters!

'other nargle had followed the other' -I didn't mention anything before, but this is the third instance where you repeat the same word in the same, or surrounding, sentence. I suggest varying up your language here as to not confuse the reader. I found myself re-reading lines like this and the one about Rolf keeping himself to himself and somewhere else 'presence' happened basically three times in a row. So it took a while for me to catch your meaning ;)

I love Rolf and Luna's interactions so far! She's coming across so in character. Her dress, her lack of footwear, how Rolf can't imagine what's she doing at this party. I also love that he can see the nargles and he doesn't realize that no one else can (probably) besides the two of them. It's so endearing that he came over to save Luna from them and that she completely drives him bonkers, unintentionally. Adorable!

I see." -forgot a dialogue tag here. Awww I love Luna's response to this! She's so open (and seemingly vulnerable, but we all know how strong she is) and I love the way he describes her eyes and stares.

He was sitting right now it -in.

LOL. Patience of a saint and strangling Luna. I'm giggling as we're figuring out what happened during their project so far. Oh wait, snog?? He is one love-sick puppy, it's so adorable! I hope someone likes me this way one day *le sigh*

This one-shot was so cute! There were some minor errors and missing commas that could be caught easily by reading it aloud, but nothing was too glaring or deterred from how sweet this one-shot is. You did a great job of showing and not telling the reader. I loved Rolf's POV/voice and how easily you portrayed Luna (I think she's one of the hardest characters to write well!!).

I also love the ending with Luna's experiment and I can only guess what happens from there (wedding bells and babies!). Rolf is understanding and dedicated to Luna and it's so sweet to see that she feels a certain way about him too. I love that he landed in Mungo's because of one of her other experiments. Too funny. You definitely get the sense of Rolf's devotion and I'm happy that Luna gets a happy ending after the war. Thanks for sharing this with us!


Author's Response: This is actually my first Rolf/Luna, written for ‘The Uncomfortable Challenge’ so it had to be something I hadn’t done before. I’ve never been into the whole Rolf/Luna thing, so it was fun to come up with Rolf’s character and bring them together.

Thank you I’ve added the change to the original for when I repost it (I currently have another chapter in for validation). I love Professor Stirling, despite his lack of real presence in the story. I think when I get round to rewriting this I might add more of him in. I just really enjoyed writing a somewhat grumpy absent character with somewhat lax values (his dislike of werewolves and the ministry).

Thank you for your comments on Rolf. I was struggling with how to portray him really; I just knew I wanted to have it from his point of view. So I’m glad I succeeded in creating him well and that he felt consistent.

I think I found the repetitive parts you mentioned and tried to change things. Thank you for pointing them out, it’s a bit of a weakness of mine. I also found the missing dialogue tag and added it in, as well as the ‘it-in’ mix-up. Thank you for catching them and letting me know, I do read my stories through, but I find it’s so easy to miss stuff because I know what it’s supposed to say.

I am so glad you enjoyed Rolf and Luna’s interactions! I really wanted to demonstrate their relationship rather then cement it in dialogue, because to be fair Luna is rather expressive without saying anything and I wanted to portray Rolf and completely overwhelmed and tongue-tied around her.

I was also rather nervous about keeping her in character, especially since I adore Luna the way she is and I wouldn’t want to change her for the world! I love her mixture of strength, independence, innocence and vulnerability. She is one of my favourite characters and she deserves someone who falls over their feet around her and adores her with all her quirks. Even if she does drive him insane.

I was originally planning on writing this as a short story and go into depth about their interactions during the project. But I am kind of limited because the challenge has a deadline and I have another larger challenge project as well. At some point though I’d like to come back to this story and write what happens in between their second meeting and the kiss.

I think then I’d also be able to more fully portray Rolf’s character traits that I couldn’t really here. Especially how Rolf is really a very confident guy, but all of that confidence is somehow stripped away when he’s in Luna’s presence.

I’m so glad that you enjoyed it and overcame my errors, thank you for pointing some of them out so I can correct them. I’m so glad about your comments on how I portrayed the characters, which is the most important thing for me in my writing, so it’s always so wonderful when reviewers comment on it favourably! Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

~ ThestralPrincess

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Review #4, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter two

28th January 2014:
Me again!

'curious, young dragon would do before blasting you with whitehot flame, his way of making sure you're worthy of his presence.' -love this line. It gives the reader a better sense of your characters. It shows Apricot's nature and Charlie's dedication to understanding dragons.

Their play fight was fun too. I like that she's somewhat aggressive and better than him. She's not a woman to be trifled with it seems.

Molly is telling one ominous story. What's with the seed packets? Where the people going to serenity hill or does disappearing mean something grimmer?

And where are Apricot and Charlie hurrying off too?

Off to find out more, guess my only bit of CC is that I want to know more and faster haha.


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Review #5, by notreallyblonde44Serenity Hill: chapter one

28th January 2014:
Hey Aiedail!

After only five million years, I've finally come to complete our review swap from TGS. This might be my second ever Charlie/OC, so I'm excited to see what your story entails! And to see what Serenity Hill may be. I'm typing as I read btw ;)

Interesting, seems like Serenity Hill is a made up place, a place where Charlie goes to escape perhaps?

I enjoyed the younger characterizations of Charlie and Percy (and the brief mention of Bill later in the chapter). We don't know much about Charlie, so I like learning about his youth. I think the fact that the boys share a space makes a lot of sense given the Weasley's financials. Nice way to weave in a canon detail into your story. Charlie seems like a little roughneck doesn't he for beating up Percy haha. I was a bit confused about their ages given how young they seem to act, yet how they knew Professor Slughorn...maybe that could use a bit of clearing up?

I'm getting a sense of trepidation about Charlie's work with the dragons. I like the line between danger and routine that you're drawing here. I think it will become important...they can't be careless, but it must be difficult to stay alert when everything feels like humdrum all day. At least, that's how I feel at my desk during work :P

The description of Apricot is funny; she seems like a vibrant character. I'm excited to get to see more of her. Also, I feel the same way about my curly hair!

Oh a potion? I wonder how much of Molly's story is real and what's not. Guess we learn more in the next chapter, does Charlie make the potion himself? Questions, questions. Overall, interesting character choice and premise. Curious where everything is going.


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Review #6, by notreallyblonde44falling away with you: falling away with you

28th January 2014:
Hello patronus_charm! I saw this up for nomination on TGS and I came to read it, and I'm glad I did!

I have to admit that I'm always hesitant when I read anything in second person. I tend to hate it, finding it distracting...maybe because I hate being told what to do? Haha. Regardless, I feel that you articulated the story really well in second person and I grew not notice my discomfort with second person throughout your piece, which is a sign of quality writing, because you really sucked me into this story! (And this ship Oh M G...I'm also writing in the rare pair challenge, so yikes do I have stiff competition! haha)

First, I love that the story played with time a bit because you got a feel for the entire relationship from start to beginning with the added hint of what's to come, but without being obvious. The sweet moments were punctuated with a fight, which really brought up the stakes of their relationship! Also, the fact that age is an essential trope of Rose/Draco's relationship, messing with the timeline just seems so appropriate and you did a nice job making everything fluid and coherent.

Then the imagery!! It is beautiful. I loved the way you make art central to Rose and Draco's story, especially Rose's character. It is interesting to see her perception through colors and lines this way. She sees the essence and beauty in everything this way, which makes her interest in Draco and his age seem realistic and not forced. And I love that she made him something! It really shows the reader how much she cares and how much effort she's putting into their relationship. I wonder what Draco's done with it now that they are over...

The only thing I want to know more about is Draco. He was such a wonderfully crafted mystery! I just wanted more and more...and I don't even like the guy haha. You presented Rose's emotions so clear and (given the POV limitations) his intentions were not as clear to me. It got me thinking about if he loved her, if was rebounding so to speak, or getting in touch with his youth in a roundabout way. Leaving his motives out definitely made me sympathize for Rose so much more! I think she really was enamored by Draco and it's sad that's she lost him/that their time together is over.

A few minor mistakes I noticed:
'than the many which bedecked the walls of Hogwarts.' - witch
'your cloak being thrown upon it as you ran ahed of him' - ahead

I feel that I have loads more to write about this one-shot, but my mind is blanking on compliments haha. I think you did a great job here and I now care about a ship I've never considered before. Thanks for sharing this story with us!


Author's Response: Hi Ellie, I'm so glad you came here too, because this review is so fantastic!

I know what you mean because I used to dislike it until I began writing in it and I've actually grown to really like it since then. I'm so glad that you thought it worked here though and that you liked it, as that's so great to hear :P Haha, I'm sure your entry will be great and I'll check it out once it's up :)

You're actually the first person to really comment on the punctuated timeline and the way we kept on going back to the fight so I thought no one really liked it, but hearing that you did is great and has calmed my fears over that :P It definitely was a lot of fun because it made me write a lot more introspectively because I already knew the outcome of it all.

Aw, thank you! I thought it would be fun to tie it all in and see how I coped with doing it all because I'm not a big art fan personally but trying out here was great fun! I'm glad that you picked up on how it made her view Draco differently because she just viewed him as an interesting person rather than an old man who was a former enemy which made it manageable. I think he would have kept it, and always loved Rose because they did have something different just too different it could never have really lasted.

Haha, I deliberately didn't reveal too much about Draco because he was always a bit of a mystery to me with the way you never fully knew his motives and how he always slunk around so that's why it was left like that. I think that's another reason why it drew Rose in because of all the mystery which surrounded his persona as it made him more of a story which is what an artist wants.

Thanks for pointing out those, I'm not too surprised there were some given the length of this one-shot :P Thanks for such a fantastic review too, it was a wonderful surprise, and it's made me think a lot more about Draco and Rose too!


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Review #7, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Official

19th January 2014:
Hi hi! Back with the last review for your entry, Wolf Calling.

Congrats Louis! Looks like his hard work paid off :) Excited to see the developments.

"You're her relieve." -You're her relief

'since there was only one healer manning that whole ward' -super personal pet-peeve. Staffing. Manning implies men only :/ You don't have to change it, but I prefer gender-neutral terminology.

'but feeling the wind blow your hair from her forehead' - your hair, not her.

Aw Jonah, break my heart!! The moments with Jonah really added another level to Louis and I liked that. I feel like we're really getting to know him, which is great. I also am so sad about what's happening in your story. It's so awful, I hope they catch the person who's turning these kids. I pray it's not baby Remus or I will be devastated. It's a good idea that Louis wants Remus to meet Jonah. It's sad, but at least he isn't alone. Not by a lot it sounds like. Makes me wonder: how many attacks have happened? What's going on in the werewolf's mind? So many questions to be answered, yay!

I'm happy you entered the challenge and love your focus on Louis. His male mind is excellent and I really feel like you're stretching your writing wings since "Why Not/Because I Love You" with a new cast and a new perspective. I'm curious to see what develops and I like Louis a lot as a character. Sometimes your pacing can be slow, with a lot of internal monologue (the showing not telling thing I've mentioned a few times), but I think your plot is great and your characters are sucking me in. Thanks for sharing this, looking to read some more in the future :)


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Review #8, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Doubt

17th January 2014:
Hey again!

Oh research team dynamics! This looks like fun. Miranda is entertaining me and I love all the personalities that are about to crop up. Lol- always her time of the month. Nice. Oh, and ageism too. This will be interesting! * keeps reading* Uh, he's paid his dues and they don't want to baby him. Tension, love it!

Hmm Prefect and Head Boy but lacked speaking skills and avoids conflict? I don't know if that all matches up in my mind, but I know he's determined haha. Sounds like he should be a Puff indeed, but I think he's going to prove his bravery (pull a Neville!) eventually :) I'm excited to see his character grow.

The only single one for dinner? Oof, I wouldn't want to be in that seat (thank goodness I have younger siblings haha). I'm surprised they don't ask him about his love life considering he's "next" so to speak. I'm glad his focus is on more important things.

"I still arrived at shell cottage" - proper noun. Should be capitalized

"His mum worried over me." Who's mum? The dialogue tag from the previous sentence didn't make it seem like it was anyone but his dad talking. Oh My mum? I think there's a POV switch here.

"Kind of funny since Dad had once told us that there had been a time when Nana couldn't stand Mum," you already mentioned this in one of the other chapters ;)

I really like the contrast you paint between Louis and his flatmates. They go out, he stays in. He gets promoted, we don't have a clue what they do. Seems like Louis is really the silent ambitious type. I like his dedication and I think he's going to do well on the research team!

Until next chapter!


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Review #9, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Attack

17th January 2014:
Hi Leslie!

2/4 on Wolf Calling :)

Oh goodness, 23 and he thinks he's old. I sympathize. I laughed at the paragraph in general. I like this side of Louis, he seems cranky and is entertaining.

Oh yikes! Planned attacks! Terrifying thought. It would be so heartbreaking to have that happen to someone in your family (if I were a wizard, of course, and werewolves were real). But the tragedy is real and this was a good turning point for Louis to grapple with what his boss is asking of him. I'm curious to see what Jonah knows and if the attacks were planned and to eventually catch this monster!

This is SUPER nit-picky of me, but I have this thing about stating future events before they happen in time. I don't really like the ominous "I would later know" thing in general. And although the Gretchen piece isn't ominous at all, saying Louis would later know takes me away from the shared joke of the present and throws me into the future. I know this isn't a significant piece of info, but it makes me question when this wedding is and makes me think these characters could live (I mean they're searching for a werewolf soon right? so there's a risk of death) etc. Like I wrote, SUPER nit-picky and you can ignore my rant now :P

Haha the scene with Frank. Poor guy, I hope he ends up with Lily (do I sense a plunny spin-off)?

Overall, I like the connectivity of everything. How you manage to incorporate canon characters and other characters into Louis's life so seamlessly. It's very natural as opposed to all the characters being thrown into the reader's face right away (I'm guilty of this sometimes). I like the feeling I'm getting of going with the normal flow of Louis's life and meeting everyone "naturally" so to speak/write.

I'm excited to see who's on the team and see what's going to happen!! Your pacing is really building up a plot here :)

Until next chapter!


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Review #10, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Sleep - what's that?

17th January 2014:
Hi Leslie!

Back again for some reviewing. You said to split them up, so I'm going to do 4 and 4. Hope that's alight ;)

Oh my goodness! The image of an arm sprouting from well, you know where, on a full grown man! Quite hilarious and disgusting at the same time. It's great how you add little anecdotes here and there to show Louis's job without always being in Mungo's. And it is a silly thing how many magically mistakes a population of wizards and witches can have when that's all they learn lol.

I enjoyed learning more about Louis's quirks throughout the chapter. The way he acts when he drinks, how he loves food and what his job means to him. Nice touches help us get to know him and care for the journey he's about to embark on :)

"respected Ministry of Magic office jobs" I think some details here would be a nice touch to flesh out his roommates and give us an idea of how deep their friendship runs. Did they just live together because it's convenient? Are they best friends? Did they all go to Hogwarts together? My last question gets answered eventually, but still I'm curious about details, even though they are minor characters. Louis has been living with them for two years, more detail seems appropriate to me. Maybe a conversation could have happened while they're at the bar?

I love that Fleur can tell her children by their footsteps. What a nice detail to show Fleur's attentiveness and care. Especially when she makes cookies. Although I'm curious what they talk about for an hour while his clothes get washed.

Overall, I think it was a nice chapter. A little fillerish, but it provided the backbone for the main story and seems that Louis has made his decision, which is awesome as it will lead to a fantastic plot, I'm sure :) I guess my main concrit, and maybe you're future chapters have more action, but I feel like I would like a little more showing and not telling in this chapter. I would've liked a bit more details here and there about what Louis's room looked like and what the letter actually said. Expanding on little things like these really would paint a fuller picture for your characters I think.

The language and writing style flowed well and I'm excited to see what happens when Louis accepts!

Until next chapter!


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Review #11, by notreallyblonde44Wolf Calling: Decision

14th January 2014:
Hi Leslie!

Sooo after almost an entire year of your post date at TGS in my challenge thread, I'm finally reviewing this fic (sheepish grin, don't kill me, so sorry, I'm awful and did one of my disappearing acts!).

Sounds like a lot is going on in this story. Louis is growing up, Healers and Aurors are uniting for a case, inevitable Weasley family dynamics/shenanigans are bound to happen, murder mystery, etc, etc. Very dynamic plot you've got yourself here and I'm looking forward to seeing how it progresses once Louis accepts!

I'm also very curious to read more about his nephew that has become infected, which is the saddest thing ever :( I always found so much comfort in the fact Teddy didn't take after Remus's lycathrophy, but I guess between that gene and Bill's genetics, the poor kid was doomed. (depressing) This does raise a lot of questions about the nature of lycanthrophy and if it can be cured. Wonder if we'll see hints of a cure in future chapters?

My one critique would be the lack of action in this chapter. I get that Louis is a more internal character, which you show nicely through other character's comments and the jabs he mentions his sisters making, so I think the thoughts make sense, but at times they slowed the pacing a bit down. I say this because your "showing" scenes were so good. I loved the old lady bit and Louis awkward interactions with Thomas. They provided some much needed comedic relief on the heavy topic of hurting children and were really well done. Given where your plot appears to be going, I definitely look forward to more action and showing scenes in the future :)

Unique take on the Next-Gen, two thumbs up!


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Review #12, by notreallyblonde44The Secret Life of Slytherins: Week One

10th December 2012:
Hey slytherinchica08! Ellie here to review you back for the review swap. Thanks for your lovely review btw, hope to reply to it soon~

One of the best features of this story is the fact that you are focusing on Slytherin. Here, here to our house! I always love dynamic representations of Slytherins and the inner-house dynamics that no one gets to see because Harry Potter is told from a (biased) Gryffindor's perspective. So I love your initial setup already and when you touched upon the fact that they protected each other in an odd way that may not make sense to most. The have to uphold the best interest of their house, their families, and then themselves. Their tradition and legacy is what makes them powerful and gives them purpose.

Well, all but Tracey (yay for using an underrated canon character as your MC!!!). I assume you went the canon route and she's a half-blood who's parents separated because of the strain magic created in their lives, yes? And I assume her blood line is what she's trying to keep secret or just the divorce? As a child of divorce I feel for Tracey's situation; however, I think there needs to be a tangible reason that the reader can understand for why Tracey thinks she is the cause. If Tracey was younger, oh say under 13, then yeah everyone thinks everything is their fault then. But I assumed she was older and even older teenagers although they made still be ego, ego, ego would probably think of other reasons why their parents got divorced. However, this detail begs the question how old/what year are they in?

& The obvious question: will the war play a role? These are the things I'm curious about and want to learn more of ;)

I liked the shift in POV to Theo. The flow was really nice and you showed the reader you can do dialogue and action, which was a lovely change of pace. And the plot twist at the end definitely was a great way to hook your reader into the rest of your story! You want to know what's going to happen. How Theo is going to use Tracey? How Tracey is going to react, if at all, to Theo's pursuits? What about Daphne? Will she come out? All betrayal, intrigue, and scandal from here, which is awesome! *cackles* Hope for more action and showing in the rest of the story, as well as watching the chaos as the Slytherins protect their secrets and livelihood. Nifty plot, solid characters.

Cheers dear,
xx Ellie

Author's Response: YAY! This is just such a wonderful review and its left me with all of these feels! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story and where i'm going with it! I love the slytherins and wanted to show a different side of them, one that not many people would get to see! Plus I got addicted to Gossip Girl and wanted a way to use that in the HP world and this was the result! So many questions! The only way you will find out what will be happening is if you continue to read on! Thank you so much for the wonderful review!


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Review #13, by notreallyblonde44Diamonds into Coal: A Birthday Feast

9th December 2012:
Hello! Ellie here from the HPFF forums, reviewing for some fun holiday swap. I've always wanted to read this, since the summary used to say something along the lines of 'Hogwarts' first unrequited romance'. This review has been a long time coming haha. Also, I already read (gobbled up in seconds) the first chapter, so I am compiling two reviews into one here ;)

I loved the brief narrative style of the first chapter. In under 1,000 words you set the characters, tone, and setting for your entire story. It was succinct and powerful. You showed us the Baron's pain and gave us foresight for his emotions. You brought the reader in, which is a fantastic tool as a writer. So naturally I had to read more haha.

Ok. So I genuinely love this era and so few people can quite master the language that needs to accompany the Founders. But you have done it, and with so much dialogue too! You don't shy away from writing dialogue (which I find myself doing with Founders), you embrace it fully and do a really good job of capturing the era. Name selection, the houseelves responsibilities, courting, birthrites, etc. Like your A/N states, I see where you have made up little bits of norms here and there, but nothing stands out as impossible.

Because I can never leave a review without some concrit:
I understand Venn needs to get married to earn the crown, but he seemed pretty against the idea or at least his options. Maybe more examples would have made that more concrete so that his interest in Helena's beauty would seem less quick and unprovoked. He was too quick to cave to hearing of her beauty in my opinion. BUT that does set the tone for his downfall quite nicely. So I'm torn on this aspect; hence why some examples of his opinion of other court girls might be nice?

Also, "Salazar's demise" -- Venn seems to wish the end of his uncle here. Demise is strong word in my opinion o.O Unless he does want his uncle to perish soon. Wonder why at that.

Oppositely, such telling lines like these make this a powerful story and show off your talents as a writer: "unwilling to allow himself to become paranoid like his uncle" and "navigating the small fortune of jewels that graced her fingertips and planting a soft kiss on a bit of exposed skin", etc, etc. These simply pieces of description show the reader so much! Insight into the character's like woah! Fantastic show instead of tell. You could have been like, they are stinking rich, but no you didn't. You let the reader figure that out.

Venn is a lovely name and I feel for his character thus far. He's in a sticky spot, but hey he's still a man with "baser needs" as your Salazar put it haha. He likes wealth and beauty and we can see the contrast in his older and younger self. I feel for him already, because we know what will happen in the end, but I await his journey to sorrow. I'm a sucker for angst I guess :P

& I cannot wait to meet Helena as well. She's such an interesting character to me. I personally find her to be quite the Slytherin in nature, but I'm curious how you will portray her ;)

xx Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie! Sorry this response took so long!

Yes, the summary did contain that line at one point, but I changed it up hoping to attract more readers (and entertain myself). It might get changed again at some point, who knows? Anyway, I'm glad you wanted to check it out.

I'm glad everything seems period-appropriate to you, especially the dialogue. I definitely didn't want to go the thees and thous direction, but I also didn't want things to sound too casual or modern, so it's been a difficult line to toe. I like to think I've done a pretty good job, and it's great that you agree.

Venn is very... mercurial. I've been struggling with trying to establish his intentions throughout the story. Right now, he's very shallow, thinking mostly of his impending takeover of his father's kingdom. His interest in Helena's beauty, a very temporary and surface characteristic, and his callous way of thinking about the end of Salazar's life were intended to reflect that. I'm struggling even more now while trying to play between his continued childishness and his growing affection for Helena. Your critique helps to steer me along as I try to work that out, and I really appreciate you pointing these bits out.

Anyway, glad the imagery works well! I firmly believe in show and NOT tell, as I so often tell people in reviews, so I'm happy that you like it and feel like I executed that style well.

I'm happy you're enjoying getting to know Venn, and that you're curious about Helena. I hope you read on to further discover each of them--or at least how I've portrayed them!

Thanks for this very kind review :)


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Review #14, by notreallyblonde44Dreamscape: darkmark.

9th December 2012:
The beautiful banner drew me all your banners do *cough*...and I'm so happy (I feel like happy is not the right word) to have read this. It was a very different take on post-Hogwarts life and I feel like it's only going to get darker.

& the plot twist at the end! Very nice. I can't say I ever favored reading Draco fics. I always paired him as alone and desolate forever...but maybe, just maybe between you and peppersweet, Drastoria might become one of my more enjoyable pairings to read. There is so much room for originality. I love that you still mentioned Pansy and I laughed that she couldn't grasp the concept of "seeing other people"...esp when he decides to see a therapist. I almost hope that he gets better, but I like his tortured soul. It's seems appropriate for all the deeds he was involved in.

Looking forward to the rest, hope that posting this and all the positive feedback inspires you like you want :)

xx Ellie

Author's Response: Hee, I really really wanted to put more ultramarine banners on the archive, and I forget whether the fic or the banner came first xD Because i have a habit of writing fics around banners.

It's strange; a lot of people think it's going to get more romantic, and you're the first to think that it's going to get darker. I think the first chapter is pretty indicative of the rest, but I've never actually intended for this fic to be overtly romantic, so you're closer to the mark! The thing about Draco getting better - the past never truly goes away does it? And it shouldn't, I think.

Hee ♥ Julia solidified my love for Drastoria. Before her, I had an inkling that I'd like the ship, but I'd never read any Drastoria before. Her downtrodden characters fit my fancy too well.

♥ thank you so much! It definitely has; I never expected this response! If only I had more time xD

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Review #15, by notreallyblonde44And Capers Ensue: Sweet, Sweet Revenge

30th April 2012:
"AZKABAN HAS A ONE LETTER PER MONTH POLICY, WE CAN MANAGE!" -LOL! It is lines like these that really get me. SO FUNNY! This story is chock-full of originality, spunk and sugar just like your funky banner and banner banter suggests. I don't really have any substantial comments or criticisms, which is unlike me, so I'm sorry about the shortness of the reviews. I'm at a loss.

Your diction is precise and excellent. I miss Fred already, but I adore Albus, Rose, and Lucy. The cousins are all absolutely barmy and unique, like nothing next-gen I've ever read. Albus is such a baby, Rose is a nutcase, and Lucy is a hilarious instigator. & the dynamics between Scorpius and Anjali make me want to barf, barf, barf. Not interested in them, I hope they just *bleck* What entertains me that you flip the typical switch. You still give the Malfoys power in the world when many authors don't. I like this, it shows how truly ambitious they are and why they were put into Slytherin into the first place. Which brings me to the house dynamics, they are lovely. Over the top, but in the best way and not cliche in my opinion, just accurate. OH and the ending, Bea can be so vengeful, I wonder what lies beneath her hate for Malfoy and's got to be something deeper than it appears.

Off to read the next chapter...curious to learn more!


Author's Response:
I remember, my first slew of chapters are so crazy when I introduce all the characters 8D Hee, I'm glad you like it. Strangely enough, this whole cast is just how I imagined next gen initially; I really hadn't read many other fics to influence me, sans Julia's Starving Artists (thus the homage to crazy!Rose and artist!Lucy amongst other things).

It's been 13 chapters since, but omg I still remember how absolutely horrendously barfy Scorpius used to be xD what a smarmy. It's why I love him. I remember wondering to myself, well, if the Malfoys were to stay in power, there's one obvious way they could it, and that was business. I like to play with archetypes early in my fics just so I can defy it later. Even with Bea, I remember everyone thinking she was this hyper biscuit inhaler, which she totally is, but she's smarter than she seems and resents it when people don't see her that way, and that's a huge part of her later story.

♥ thank you so much for the reviews!

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Review #16, by notreallyblonde44And Capers Ensue: A Biscuit a Day Keeps the Slytherin Away

30th April 2012:
Hey Gina! It's elliesaurus rex. from TGS, doing the review swap :) Sorry it's the last possible day, I'm the worst, but hopefully these reviews make up for it! Also, apparently I've already reviewed the first chapter for the 10 year anniversary haha silly me so here is my first review for the swap on chapter 2 :P

OMG LOUIS! I want more of his prissy artistic nature in the future. Pwease. He is so high strung, I love it!

"Your bribes were delicious and unsuccessful." - Haha, glad Bea's got a sense of stability to her, sugar-high and all, and I like the social commentary. I can't help but think of capitalism with the mentions of profit maximization, etc, etc. I hope for much social commentary and the like in future chapters :)

Kudos on the creativity all around with this story. There is so much to like about it: strong characters, who seem very accurate to their upbringing thus far, a realistically modern Hogwarts complete with hijinks and insanity, and oodles of creativity. Never would I have thought of something like this ever! Off to the next chapter...Bea is such a silly girl, I can't imagine would will come out of her mouth next haha.


Author's Response: Oh nooo they're wunderbar!

There is unfortunately a lack of Louis (what with my ridiculously large cast), but perhaps Lucy will spar with him again. There is not enough space in the family (even the Weasley family) for two artists!

I'm always flailing around about handling high society and fancy economics because half the time I'm making guesses about them, but I hope to present a somewhat realistic view of it. Both Bea and Scorpius have kind of naive views of the world in this sense, it turns out.

Thanks so much! :D This fic totally took on a life of it's own. Sometimes I have no idea how any of this came to be, but now I can't imagine it not existing in my head.

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Review #17, by notreallyblonde44Sink or Swim: Sink or Swim

22nd April 2012:
Awww, finally! Louis deserved his happy ending, in all aspects. It was nice to see him grow up yet still be himself in every way. Your prose matches those changes, but keep to the fun and egotistical quirks that are very Louis. Amelia/Molly was a funny side pairing, and I'm all for it haha!

Ah! I'm glad Louis grew up and came into his own in every way. And Benjamin that sneaky, sly dog. I'm glad he came to his senses! I wish there was a bit more detail about the divorce and more in general with their future and more lovey-dovey sappy stuff of that nature. Very solid writing, you did a lovely job Jenna! I hope Foolproof gets updated next ;)


Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed this. ^_^
That's one of the hardships of a first person story, can't really get into the other bloke's head. :( It's safe to say that one could guess what happened with Benjamin's marriage considering he was gay. And married a woman. Who he didn't care for much to begin with. Lol.

Foolproof is next. And it was actually this review that gave me the spark I needed to get cracking on the next chapter. So double thank yous!! --Jenna

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Review #18, by notreallyblonde44Vital: Chapter 18

15th April 2012:
Oh my, Haley. I can sense the climax brewing. Everything they've worked for is coming into the light/fruition. The imposter Lestranage was a nice twist and all the torment poor Elena has gone through yikes! They need a moment to breathe poor things. Especially Alice, I've got a bad feeling about what's going to happen next for her :(

(Yes, I assume your story will be canon-compliant here soon.)

Before I begin with more praise, I did want to mention a few things that I think could be a bit better. Elena's family relationships could be more fleshed out. Her mother and brother in particular. They both play a larger role in the storyline, that's why I jump to them first to get a sense of Elena's family life. When Elena broke down after Simon told her the bad news, I understood why she was upset. But I didn't feel it all the way (partially because I'm heartless I think lol). Looking back, Oliver was always absent from the story so I never got to know him the way Elena did all her life. I think adding some depth or history, maybe even a quick flashback or memory from Elena about her and her brother and their relationship would have really helped me feel for her situation more. Rather then me knowing I should be upset, I would have liked to feel upset if that makes any sense.

Then with her mother coming to visit her. I get that she's oblivious to what's going on, but some strange reason I felt that she was an imposter at that moment another trick of the Ministry's to get Elena to spill what she knew. I didn't think she was Elena's real mom until the convenient letter arose from Oliver. Again, I think this is because she's never had a moment to be a real, tangible person in the story (and I know she's not the focus here so I understand why she isn't fleshed out), but there is nothing that makes her mom her own character. I guess background stories or special personality flaws or ticks would really help to flesh out the characters a bit more in my mind to give that depth of Elena's personal history.

Moving on, the last line in this story was particularly devastating and fulfilling. Over the 18 chapters, we've seen Simon and Elena interact and care for each other as fellow people and be put into stressful situations that would bring them together. Because they are the only ones that understand what's been going on and all the pressures they've both have had to face. I loved the moments when Simon is trying to help Elena battle and just in general. He seems to care about her a lot, especially since it's his fault she's been brought into the fire of the post-war. And the whole thing is sad and romantic, but he has a past that haunts him and her present is very erratic at times and she's been quite all over the place emotionally, looking for someone to ground her. It's an interesting relationship they have. Love in a time of war, wonder if it will last or if they will live through the end of this story, because only time will tell on that account :)

Overall, I think plot development has been your biggest strength in this story. There have been so many turns, twists, and powerful/exciting moments. Ups and downs and wow moments galore. My heart races, then I get comfortable, just to be thrown into something much worse. And while sometimes your diction seems a bit strange (with some words here and there that are very odd choices to me too over the top if you will) your writing has been clear and descriptive without being all over the place. A good constant to a turbulent plotline.

This story must be your baby, and you should be so proud! It's got everything: duels, romance, intrigue, a strong heroine, canon characters that connect your story with the HP we all read and love, villains of the nastiest sort, mystery, more duels, Auror missions, life or death possibilities, and love.

Thanks for sharing this with us; I cannot wait to see what happens next and what plot twists you are going to pull! Best of luck on the upcoming chapters :)


PS: Totally unrelated, I didn't realize you were laelia on TDA, you make lovely graphics haha!

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm so, so sorry I took so long to respond to this!! But I will now.

I know! It's getting closer to the end. There is definitely action coming, but also probably more emotions since they've opened that door now... haha

I think you're probably right about that, there really should be some sort of flashback. But at the same time, you're not supposed to particularly care about Oliver--that sounds heartless too, but let me explain. He is Elena's brother but he -has- been absent. She misses him but at the same time, she hasn't seen him in months. There some sort of conflict in her, I'm sure, about how this is different. She still doesn't see him, but now it's permanent.

As for her mother, I think that she was sent in by the Ministry in hopes of getting more information about Elena. But it didn't work out that way, because her mother isn't as silly as she comes off as. She wasn't an impostor, but her conversation with Elena was certainly being monitored.

I feel like you summarized their relationship very well. You point out the reasons that they've grown closer, but also the reasons that their relationship isn't potentially very stable. Only time will tell, I suppose...

Thank you for that! The plot of Vital has grown so much since I first started writing and gotten much more complicated than I'd ever thought it would. But I'm glad that there is that aspect of ups and downs. I wanted the reader to feel like Elena does, sometimes terrified, sometimes calm and always not sure what comes next.

And yes, I'm pretty sure that diction is one of my weaker points. Part of the problem with writing a story over such a long period of time is that the style of writing is a bit inconsistent. But I am trying to work on keeping the diction clearer and trying to dampen my occasional dramatic flourishes.

It really is! I've written a lot, more than I thought I ever would really. It's not over yet of course, but there is only more to come. Lots more of all you what you listed, hopefully :) There's been a lot of set up and there are certain important things that still have to happen. In a way, a lot of them may be seen as consequences of what has already happened.

I'm so pleased that you liked this story and I really appreciate the long review you left!! Again I'm so sorry I didn'™t respond before now.

Thanks again Ellie!

I just updated with chapter 19 and hopefully will keep that pattern of updating more frequently up.


ps- yes, I am! And thank you very much! I decided that I should start making my own chapter images, since I could.

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Review #19, by notreallyblonde44Welcome to Blunderland: { 06 }

14th April 2012:
Hello ahoythere/peppersweet! I've been reading this story from the beginning and oh my, how could I not review this chapter?

First of all, I really like this story. It's dorky, awkward, mega, hipster to the extreme and I love every line of it. You play to the typical next-gen plot hype, yet you manage to crush the cliches with your writing style, characterizations, and general skillz. (Yes, I wrote skillz intentionally because you have mad cool skills.)

I think this story is VERY adorable for some reason. Scorpius's asthma attacks, Flora's patheticness with Slytherin bullies, Fauna's general sillyness, drunk Lucy, and weirdo Al hidden behind the Potter name and popularity. All done so well!

With this chapter, I'm torn about Albus's behaviour. I'm not sure what to make of it all. And I feel so bad for Scorpius feeling left behind and tossed aside a bit by those pesky Gryffindors (why do I picture him as Peeta for some reason -.-?) I haven't picked sides, because I like them both in different ways and the romance hasn't begun to develop all too much yet in my opinion. Which is great so that the relationships (friendships too) can develop in their own way that isn't contrived.

Anywho, enough gushing over the fantastic story you have here, can't wait to read more :) Thanks for sharing this fic with us!

--elliesaurus rex. from TGS

Author's Response: ohay there! eee, welcome to the madness~

thank you so much! HIPSTER is where it's at. I wanted to write something that /was/ cliched - because people often forget that cliches are cliches for a reason and they're not always a bad thing. so I wanted to play with all those love triangle cliches because, honestly, I love reading them. thank you so much for saying so! and ofc, skillz is a FAR better word than skills. love me some zzzs.

asdfghjkl; peeta ;~; scorpius is a bit of a peeta here. maybe he can join baking club with flora~ albus' behaviour will get its big reveal in the next chapter or two, hopefully. he's a cheeky chap with a couple of tricks up his sleeve...

anyway, thank you so much for this lovely review! really glad you liked it ♥

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Review #20, by notreallyblonde44Prime Suspects: Cover = Blown

14th April 2012:
Hello again Drue! It's elliesaurus rex./notreallyblonde from TGS doing another review from our swap a bit ago. & I caught up a bit on your story and wanted to leave a review on the more recent chapters ;)

The development of story is going well. The trials were heated and things seem to be coming to a climax with Rose up next on the chopping block, after Scorpius' abmisal attempt at clearing his name. There is definitely something deeper afoot with the trial's results being what they were. Strange indeed that Veritserum (sp?) didn't do the trick in provely his innocense. Hmm. Odd indeed. I'm curious what will develop!

The most interesting thing about the fic however is Teddy and his involvement with Rose and Scorpius. He is beyond invested in the outcome now in every possible way (from Auror, to friend, to confidant for their respective families). I would take him off the job personally knowing what I know about his involvement. And I bet he's very freaked out about slipping up here at the end. Oh man is he really losing it. His emotions got the better of him in my opinion and not only do I want to see how he's going to make repairs for that, but how he's going to come clean about pretending to be Scorpius -without Rose wanting nothing to do with him forever.

Interesting dynamics and its not really love triangle, but character tango for sure. Best of luck - hope to get some answers to my questions in future chapters :P


Justin as the lawyer was comical to me, I don't know why. I like seeing the generational banter and older characters popping up randomly.

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Review #21, by notreallyblonde44Sparks: Bring Me Giants!

9th April 2012:
Hello momotwins *waves*

I'm not going to lie, I was hoping to be the 100th review, but I decided I did not want to wait any longer to review this final chapter.

*sobs* I can't believe it's over! And they wed! arhaoerghrawgh I didn't see that coming, honestly. I liked the ending with them making up and getting together. Maybe a little cute double date with Roxanne and Perry. But not marriage! Whew that floored me. And the hint at eloping at the end lol nice touch there ;)

I feel like this story is one of the best romance stories I've read on HPFF and I'm so grateful that I got to read it and that you shared it with us. I wish I had more to say as well, but alas I do not. I'll probably re-read this story a few times just to get my fix for the love of Lucy&Hilarion. So adorable, yet flawed. (The mention of her using his razor had me chuckling -I think my boyfriend would not be as ok as Hilarion was about that :P)


Author's Response: Hiya!

Oh I wish it would get 100 reviews, but 95 is awesome too! I'm really glad you enjoyed the story, and liked the characters as well! I love a happily-ever-after ending so yeah wedding ;) haha.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review, I really appreciate it so much. I'm so pleased that you liked it! Thank you again! I loved your review so much, it really made me smile :D

(my husband would also not like me using his razor, but hey, our guys don't have magic razors that are always sharp ;) )

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Review #22, by notreallyblonde44Run: Registration

9th April 2012:
How could I resist leaving the 100th review?!

This story is FANTASTICULABOUS! Yes, I mixed a bunch of words together, but I don't care. I love this story. Your diction is impeccable, imaginative, and flawless! Your characterizations are spot on and better than I could ever write. You peg Fred so perfectly. And Lily in this chapter cracked me up! I'm curious to see the results and I guess the reason behind all the entries this year is due to high new number of people entering the Clock. (Side note: Boo Peter! I dare say, I actually want an explanation for his existence *cough).

Anywho, all I can do is rant and rave and fangirl about this story. Things you've gotten a dozen times over I'm sure (and I hope you have, 'cause it's much deserved). I saw on TGS that you already know the results, so I cannot wait for the story to unfold and I hope we can meet all the characters that have passed in the Clock. Along with a taste of the Grotto, maybe a hint of Bellatrix? That would be smashing ;)

&love; already favourited; awaiting more; thanks for sharing this with us at HPFF!


Author's Response: YAY 100 REVIEWS -dies of happiness-
Thank you so much!

Hee, Lily in this chapter. :3 She's like LOL WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I DON'T CARE. She's got her own agenda and Fred with his wandering eyes is not on it. And yep, you hit it right on the nose - more people are signing up than normal because so many of them have arrived in the Clock just before the races are to start. Hee, Peter. He's sort of in the way everywhere he goes, isn't he?

I can promise that you will indeed have a taste of the Grotta. :3 I shall now hush up on that front so that I don't reveal anything.

Thank you so much for reading and for this review! It was awesomesauce. :)

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Review #23, by notreallyblonde44Vital: Chapter 11

25th March 2012:
Wow! "That is it then" certainly does NOT sum up what happened here :P Corinne can be such a nasty person, but I really think you've given your characters many realitic sides here. That includes Simon and Elena. Hmm the notes on personal history are nice to give deeper meaning into the characters' individual motives. Everyone's been tainted it seems.

I like how you wove Alice and Frank into the story, and it enriches their history as well. I assume we'll see how they end up in the empty ward Elena was set to watch on Christmas Eve, which seems like ages ago in reading land. The plot has indeed exploded since then!

I'm reviewing mid-way now because I could not resist reviewing on such a juicy chapter. Emotions are raw and high and everyone is trying to their best, and finally it seems they are at wits end but still trying so hard. I like the mention of telling Alastor Moody as well, it fits canon nicely. And all the new magic you've made up fit into your story; it's very nice and creative, kudos to you! I have plenty moer to say, react, and write about, but that will have to wait because I'm in a rush, sorry!

I hope to find out more as I continue to read your story~

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for leaving these nice reviews :)

Corinne can be nasty, for sure, and cold, but she is very driven as well. I think that saying everyone's been tainted really sums things up. How people deal with what they've experienced color who they are. Some people handle it better than others and are resilient, while others become cynical (Corinne, for example).

Yes, things really have come a long way since chapter one. It's been a huge jump for Elena, for sure.

I'm so glad that you're enjoying this story!

Hopefully you get the time to read more, and maybe leave a comment or two, because your review has been lovely!

Thanks so much :D

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Review #24, by notreallyblonde44Vital: Chapter 1

25th March 2012:
Hello Aderyn! notreallyblonde44 here for the TGS review swap! *waves* Interestingly enough we both have Healer-centric stories, so I'm excited to read someone else's take on the Healer's life. Onto the review!

I particularly enjoy the era you choose for your story. It's pretty overlooked and very important in the Wizarding World. Picking up the pieces to life can never be an easy thing, so I like the mention of the War still lingering and hurting people's lives. No daddy/brother and the effects of an explosion at work.

I also really like two points that you set up. One: the way the Healing world works now that there isn't so much work, which is both good and bad in its own way. And then the last line. Where there is a world where no one works on Christmas and fathers were present. That was a very poignant last line and it's stuck with me over the last few days (I always read and then wait a few days to review to get the best review possible, kind-off weird I know haha).

The only bit of CC I can give is more concrete description of the surroundings with less overbearing words. This sentence in particular sticks out to me: "Plumes of sulphuric smoke issuing forth from a small stone invaded the once sterile hospital room, clouding the air with their acrid fumes." A lot of adjectives are used here and the sentence was a rather long awkward jumble in my head. I got caught up in the words to a point that I missed that she was in Mungo's entirely. I don't mean to be harsh, because after this sentence nothing really stuck out to me as being quite like it. But sometimes simple images and words work better and that's just my two knuts :P

But anyway, you give us a nice setup here with the storyline in reference to the first War we all have read a million times over, and you will read in mine sorry haha. Oh, I also found the way you described Elena's features to be comical with the reference to a past boyfriend and uncooked beef haha. Unique description indeed. Emotionally, I feel bad for the characters in your story already and I'm curious to learn more about why her brother is missing and why Elena is so seemingly secluded/alone all the time. Hopefully I'll find out in the next 17 chapters ;)

Thanks for the read!

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for taking a bit to respond to this review.

I did take a look at your story, it's cool that we both write about Healers, though things, I think, are a bit different. :)

Yes, the time after the war is normally glossed over. It could mean that everything was perfect, but I doubt that. It's the aftermath of a war, and there are things to be fixed.

I do see your point about lots of description. In the sentence you mentioned, it does seem a bit heavy. I don't think that things get that confusing very often, but I'll be careful about it.

Many of your questions will be answered later on. And the main conflict hasn't even been set up yet! But I'm glad you like the introduction of the characters.

Thanks for the review! I appreciate it :D

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Review #25, by notreallyblonde44Sparks: Love Lies in Ambush

5th March 2012:
Me again :)

Awww, poor Lucy! I not sure if I identify with her necessarily, but I feel so bad for her! And Hilarion, who is not a bad guy, but is getting so much flack because he didn't think before he opened his mouth. I saw your response to the other reviewer, and foaihourgaguih 2 more chapters?! I don't want to think about the end of this story, I'm so hooked on it...I'll probably have to read it a few times once its all done to get my fix ;)

Yes, I know, I'm fangirling so hard. Anyways, I think I like Roxanne the most in this chapter. She's finally over being deluded and superficial, to an extent, and I'm biased because my boyfriend is a songwriter and I like to be a writer one day. So her and Perry are very adorable and well-suited for one another :P I'm glad they are both happy and that we got to see that.

Now I'm anticipating Hillucy action for the win! It must be so weird for Lucy to see Perry and Roxanne act as if they don't seem to mind at all about Hilarion's action, when Lucy seems so impacted. She's bound to be confused and throwing in Molly at the end, aw very nice sisterly touch. I love this story. That is all. I don't think I've ever reviewed more than once on any story on here (that was unrelated to a review thread), so cheers!


Author's Response: Hiya! Poor Lucy, I know. She was getting her hopes up and then dashed spectacularly. Definitely not a good day for her. And Hilarion really isn't a bad guy, just a bit dim and doesn't think things through. Roxanne is growing up, yes, less superficial and self-deluded, and now able to move on with her grown-up life. I think the whole thing with her crazy crush on Hilarion when she hadn't met him and idealizing a future relationship with him stems directly from her ex-fiance who left her at the altar - that failed relationship. Y'know?

Anyway, I'm so glad you loved it, and thank you so much for the wonderful review! And I'm greatly honored that you reviewed multiple chapters in my story :)

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