Reading Reviews From Member: notreallyblonde44
  
196 Reviews Found

Review #1, by notreallyblonde44Put a Ring on It!: Christmas Bells were Rung

21st March 2016:
omg!! idk what I was expecting, but it wasn't that!! For a second I thought this was Lily's fault, but then got the drift quickly. Also, also, that ending leaves a lottt out in the open maybe - like Remus' observation, I think he was impressed with the size o.O Or I read too much wolfstar and am reading into this.

Anywho, this was hilarious and the tone is perfect - the writing is engaging and fresh and funny. and sadistic :P Oh Sirius - always close to royalty. what a story to tell your mates ahha.

also, the bit-picking was solid. a few times it may have been too British if that makes sense? almost a bit of Brit every sentence. as a yank too, I could be wrong, but it seemed like it was coming on a bit strong to me.

otherwise very good and hilarious - happy hot seat!

wub,
ellie

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Review #2, by notreallyblonde44This Final Adventure : Chapter 1

24th February 2016:
I have chills. The line where Regulus sees Sirius and James really got me to. The way your Regulus comes across is so perfect. Like very much how I expect him to be, young, impressionable, but not a sheep or idiot just quite. A air of mystery surrounding these events and his decisions. The pain of losing your brother and being on opposite sides of an ideological war. Not an easy life, kid. And I use that loosely because I think he would be upset with me if I called him that (yes, I'm acting like he exists because he feels so realistic in such a short amount of time, incredible job here!) and is about to make a very adult decision.

The banner is perfect, the title is perfect. The flashback is integrated perfectly - and I HATE flashbacks actually. Hate them, but this one was needed, we needed that context and that break in what we know Regulus is about to do. I'm curious where this is going, if you'll take us forward then back some more, and what you plan to show us.

Thanks Meg and welcome to the pit-o-wubs ;)

ellie

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Review #3, by notreallyblonde44The Center of the Sun: The Center of the Sun

5th February 2016:
Whelp, I've got competition in this challenge~~~

What a hot story, with enough plot to get the wheels turning towards infinity and beyond. Love a good locker room scene. Excellent location choice and excellent pairing choice, one of my all time favs!

YOUR WRITING.

'and by the time the winter snows thawed she could’ve sworn her very pulse beat the rhythm of his name.' - this. is. so. good. I'm very sucked into your narrative and the build up comes with such great rewards, whew! *fans self*

Just wow!!! I hope they maybe had a conversation at some point before this meeting haha. But, it was lovely smut and I think the use of your items was really creative. If you ever write more, let me know!!!

ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie.

Thanks so much for stopping by to read this! I read yours too and even though I'm not really a Dramione fan I thought it was *excellent* - so that is high praise indeed!

You know, I hadn't really thought about it, but I suppose a locker room is rather cliche. Oh, well, the muse must have its way. :P I'm glad you liked the setting, regardless!

Tedromeda. YES. THEY ARE AMAZING!

Oh, gosh, thank you so much for saying those things about my writing and the narrative and everything. You are too kind! *hug*

I'm imagining this was their first encounter, but they'll talk later ;) (Also, there is something hilarious about the phrase "lovely smut" haha)

thank you so much for this review, it was an amazing surprise!
xoxo Renee


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Review #4, by notreallyblonde44Fallen: Goodbye

15th January 2016:
Well, my mouth just dropped! That ending! I did not see that plot twist coming, though I guess I should have. One of the most realistic portrayals ever o.O

Very naughty, very horrifying too.

Best of luck in the challenge!

Cheers,
ellie

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Review #5, by notreallyblonde44Welcome to the LC: welcome to my flat/that time camille went insane with a toothbrush

13th January 2016:
Again, I was sucked into the chapter that my comments will be short. I'm eager for the next chapter - I know who Teddy is, and it will be nice to see a more familiar face, if you will. Wonder why he would be concerned over here. Camille is super sweet, and Hannah is great too. It's nice to get some balance and normalcy in Delilah's life, I was worried about her too. She's definitely going through a slump, and needs all the boosts she can get!

'It feels like part of my brain is lacquered in that stifling yellow, a glossy phlegm-colored barrier to reality.' - Lines like these really solidify your writing prowess, what amazing diction you have!

I still enjoy Delilah's conversational narrative tone and quirks, as well as the quirks of your other characters. Looking forward to the next chapter :)

-ellie

Author's Response: ah! it's so exciting to see a line i worked on for so a long time get noticed! definitely edited that sentence 100 times. thank you!

i'm really excited for Teddy to interact with the LC crowd :)

thank you so much for your amazing secret snowflake reviews!


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Review #6, by notreallyblonde44Welcome to the LC: Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

13th January 2016:
Hi hi hi

‘eating stale crisps than pseudo-socializing with a bunch of sweaty strangers.’ – yeah that’s basically how I feel every weekend hahaha. Your OC is so relatable, yet very much her own strong voice/character. I hope things get better for her. It’s sad to see all her hard work got trampled into this mess. I kind of want a better reason why. Honestly, she comes across as very depressed and her shrugging off everything is a little concerning. Though I appreciate that she feels good about her hard work, I just am worried about her level of apathy-she’s too young for that level of jaded sometimes…so I think there’s more here than what meets the eye. If I was her friend, I would be having an intervention with her.

Does she not have friends? :/ I’m leaning on no, also, what house was she in and I’m curious what her history is. If she has a dad or why she doesn’t live with her parents, since I really don’t think she can afford rent before this upgrade to 6+ shifts. You don’t have to answer these curiosities and concerns now, but they are questions for you to consider/things the audience may be wondering :) Slowly unveiling these things are great to the reader because we grow with the character. Oh, and if I read a bit further (I usually write my reviews as I read – a reactionary review, if you will haha), I would see this mention of Sarah. What were her ulterior motives? ~interesting development here

I love all your creative names and places and things. I see you had help with a few, but I still love who you’ve morphed this world into a modern magical one with creative quirks.

‘I’m someone else.
"There she is!"’ – this could have used a stronger transition, even a line break more or a line or something to indicate a change in scene and tone ;)Or is this not another night later at the club? I’m kind of confused if we’re on the same night or multiple nights.

Yikes poor girl, my heart is breaking for her :(

What a well-written plot here btw. I'm too absorbed in what's happening to always comment haha, so compliments abound!

ellie

Author's Response: your "reactionary review" style is amazing! thank you for noticing so many little details!

i'm so glad you asked about her backstory! it'll come up a few chapters from now, but i don't think it spoils much to say she was in ravenclaw.

thanks for point out that spot- it's actually a typo! i meant for there to be a line break there.

thanks Ellie!


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Review #7, by notreallyblonde44Welcome to the LC: The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

13th January 2016:
Elise!! Luff. I’ve been meaning to drop this story a review or two, so I’m finally here (and as a belated semi-secret snowflake act too). You have a really interesting premise here. Life inside the Leaky Cauldron, bound to be entertaining. Wonder what will happen :)

‘propensity for giving unwanted haircuts.’ – lol what an interesting tone your OC has haha

‘Well that was two years ago.’ – whelp, that explains her bitterness, though I can’t say I blame here at all. You’re effectively mirroring the job market after the 2008-2009 economic crash in the US btw. It was torture to get a 9-to-5 or anything like that. Two years as a part-time waitress seems really unbearable and kind of unlivable really. How has she not find any other means of employment? How can she survive on this wage?

‘I maintain I’m the source of whatever goes wrong in my life.’ – Well, at least she’s self-aware. That’s a sharp sense of maturity.

As someone who’s worked retail for 2+ years, but never in the food industry, this story made me realize that there is overlap YET I still never want to work in the food/bar industry. Ever. Though I hear money is good….sigh but maybe not for Delilah haha. Hope some of these events aren’t based on RL experiences o.O

Timmy just passed out on the table? Like that’s normal lol Must have spent the whole night writing that poem.

‘which is a good waitress survival tactic in general but especially with touchy subjects.’ – I may have missed something, but how is the comic a touchy subject? How does that relate to the wizarding law?

What a long and exciting plot-filled chapter. I found that though you put in a lot of new characters, I got who they were to Delilah quickly and was able to remember them a bit here and there when they were referred too later. You ended this chapter in a good place, with enough understandable intrigue to keep us going (who is The Cloak? How are these night shifts going to go?), but give us a lot of background and set the state for your story to progress. Curious to see what will happen next, this is such a unique plot, I can tell already ;)

-ellie

Author's Response: hi Ellie! it was so sweet of you to be my secret snowflake! thank you so much for coming by and leaving these reviews!

i'm really glad you said her situation reminds you of the 2008 crash! i have this whole headcanon about a post-war baby boom and then an economic slump right about when delilah graduates.

delilah's belief that her circumstances are her own fault is kind of a double edged sword. it's part maturity, part low self-esteem.

the comic is about a witch who helps muggle women which is against the international statue of secrecy. maybe i should clarify that part?

thanks so much for such a detailed review!


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Review #8, by notreallyblonde44Valour : The Luck in the Few: Part III

13th January 2016:
Hey blackballet! I’m sorry this has taken forever, but I swear I’ve written this review like at least five times and have no idea where that rambling mess of a review goes every time I log back into my desktop to post something. Sorry!

Oh their first interaction/duping of Voldiepants! I love how you fleshed out this canon moment and inserted the added dynamics of Sirius’ family issues. This is a good vehicle for seeing them fight in Order of the Phoenix, and it great reflection of later events in this sense.

Like the rest of your story, you handle multiple characters on the “screen” well, juggling that many people often leads to confusion, and I think if you make sure that when a person talks there name is associated with that dialogue tag, you’ll have nailed down handling multiple characters in the same room.

In the same breathe though, this many characters means that we lose a bit of the depth I’m craving as I read this. The interactions with Dorcas, the meaning behind her words, really aren’t clear because the history isn’t fully fleshed out yet (which is part and parcel with time hopping a lot). Like does Marlene really love her? It’s not clear at all and never was. And what does James’ comment “he’s the best liar he’s ever met” really mean – why would Peter be lying in this situation, and what is he lying about?

And having Mary enter the room at this time completely undermines what Dorcas just said, making it frustrating for me but completely understandable why you did it. I want to see the impact of what Dorcas said be fleshed out, and though maybe that’s too self-aware for real characters to be, I fear everything she said is going to get swept under the rug :/

Some other good things: your plot and pacing are excellent. You weave in canon events, you build character tensions well, and you critique the War all the time. I think it’s too easy in this setting for writers to portray everyone to be gung-ho this is the right thing to do/hero-y, but you don’t. You keep it realistic, and I like that a lot. The theme of Valour is prevalent, and this is aptly titled. I’m worried about the characters too and what will happen to them as the series progresses. Overall, like I’ve said a lot, I think you’re got a great baseline for an amazing story, there just needs to be a bit more depth in certain areas.

Cheers,
Ellie

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Review #9, by notreallyblonde44edges: and we will stumble through heaven

13th January 2016:
Sooo I went to read your recent Wolfstar, since you were kind enough to offer to help me with mine. Already so enticed and sucked in from the first paragraph. This style of writing reads so effortlessly (though I know that writing is typically not so easy, so kudos to you for flexing your writing muscles and succeeding!).

I put on my BADLANDS jam as I read this. Love how the songs match the pace and tone of your one-shot.

Gosh your descriptive writing is so glorious, your similes and metaphors are beautiful and simple, creating that effortless style I’m greatly enjoying. I love Sirius’ brightness, as a star, and Remus’ desperation as a monster. I love the links your creating between them, their bond strengthening but realistic as they change from the War. “Never quite following me” tone is SO bittersweet and heartbreaking. I would love to see some sort of companion, what Remus does when he finds out that Sirius didn’t do it, etc. I know we saw that in the book, but you explore these characters so well that I would love a momentary happy ending. Their relationship is so beautiful and sad. You did such a lovely job with them.

“wolf-fever” may be my new all-time favorite reference to Remus’ condition. If I ever use it, I will credit you ;)
And they are legends!

Thanks for writing this and sharing it :)
Lub,
ellie

Author's Response: Hey Ellie! It was so nice of you to come leave me a review for this, thank you so much!

This story was SO HARD to write! I've never tried this style before, at least not in such a pronounced way, and it was very difficult. So it's really exciting to hear that it read effortlessly for you and that you enjoyed it!

The song matching the tone of the one-shot was something I was super worried about (although the matching pacing was very intentional and I was quite careful about it). I tried really hard to match the tone but wasn't sure I'd succeeded. So, again,it's exciting to hear that that stuff matched up for you!

Wow, so many people want to see later moments from these two! I don't think it's gonna happen within this story, but maybe I'll write a companion piece like you've suggested :)

I have to be honest - I read a lot of Wolfstars and I'm not sure whether I coined the term "wolf-fever" or if it's something I picked up somewhere. Feel free to use it though!

I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story, thank you again for the unexpected and really lovely review!

-Kayla


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Review #10, by notreallyblonde44I Am Dark: Darkness

4th January 2016:
Happy Hot Seat 2016 Randee~

'an impeccable fashion taste.' - lol, your characterization "voice" is hilarious, if it the overall theme is very somber for your light/dark metaphor to represent life/death.

This is a short yet sweet take George grappling with Fred's death. They were truly a happy-go-lucky pair and I honestly don't know a person who DOESN'T (or didn't) like them in the series. They were definitely rays of funny light all throughout the series. One of my fav moments was when they toppled Umbridge's regime by saying "nah, we're out" and yet this piece is very sad because Fred is gone, and George is dark without him :(

I hope he finds a new light without being consumed by this darkness. Way to capture George's essence and voice, which is comical enough but not over the top - a hard balance to strike.

Happy Holidays,
Ellie

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Review #11, by notreallyblonde44Mistletoe Investigations: Mistletoe Investigations

21st December 2015:
Hello naughtforreal :) What a clever username you have! I can’t wait to read this to maybe get into the lovely dovey holiday spirit, and be the first review too, yay!

Poor Albus, such a terrifying entity indeed! I hope Leila and Lorcan are able to get to the bottom of this infernal infestation ;) Seems like they are quite the pair, and that one of which (at least) is suppressing some feels for a certain bloke~~

I’m confused, does Lorcan like or not like Rose? Why would Leila interfere so they don’t see each other again (in this moment)? It seems like he likes her. Lots of star-crossed lovers here.

Who are Fitz and Simmons? Do they watch muggle programmes for a particular reason in school or for fun? Also interested when a muggle pop culture reference is made. Think they will be on season 20 of Doctor Who by the time these kids were off at Hogwarts? lol
‘Hufflepuff badge over her heart who kept on thudding faster’ – which, not who ;)

Interesting, interesting indeed. I’m not sure if they got to the bottom of the mystery, seems like they escaped the mistletoe, and maybe the “friendzone” between them? Maybe this is answered in In Full Bloom? I may have to find out soon ;)

Enjoyable Christmas one-shot, and happy holidays to you! Oh, and your banner rocks!

xoxo, Ellie
Advent Day 21 on the Forums

Author's Response: Hii. Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope I kinda got you into the Holiday spirit~

Anyway, yes Albus-->terrified of fangirls since 2006. Maybe being terrified of fangirls is genetic. Hmm.

Yeah, Leila and Lorcan are quite the pair. I've always wanted to write girl/boy friendships and they're like my poster kids for that. Hee.

Lorcan is not that sure of Rose. Because Rose is slightly terrifying and just like what Leila said, she knows that Rose doesn't really like Lorcan "that" much. This story is just some sort of prologue to the real one, In Full Bloom which was 2? 3? years later. So I'd like to think that Rose and Lorcan probably dated a bit in Hogwarts but that it didn't work out or something like that.

Oh, Fitz and Simmons are from Marvel's Agents of SHIELD and they practically the basis of Leila and Lorcan! No, they don't watch Muggle Shows in school. It's just Lysander's thing. He watches all these muggle television shows back home and ropes Leila into it. Doctor Who Season 20! Probs lol!

Oh yeah! Thank youu for that correction! I edited it so it should be okay now. You're amazing!

They didn't get to the bottom of who placed those mistletoes around the school. I mean it happens every year so anyone could've probably done it. They will just be clearing those mistletoes up before someone (coughAlcoughScorpcoughJamescough) gets ahem, "hurt".

I think the bottomline of this one-shot was just that, you needn't have romance for the Holidays. It's just what I wanted to portray. I mean, I had this alternate scene where I let them kiss but it doesn't feel right so a hug it is. They're still kids and still figuring out a lot of feelings for other people and for each other-->which may or may not be cleared in In Full Bloom~ (Please try to read!)

Thank you, Ellie! I'm glad you like the banner! You are amazing! Happy Holidays! *u*


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Review #12, by notreallyblonde44Valour : The Luck in the Few: Part II

18th December 2015:
Grief!! That tensionnn~~ between Marlene and Dorcas is WOW-what a punch. Wonder how much animosity is from the situation at hand, and the triangle tension of their past.

Did Peter not go with them? *confused. And your Dumbledore was spot on, though him deferring to Moody seems semi-uncharacteristic/a little strange to me since I saw the Order as very much Albus’ baby as he was the creator and leader. But w/e small detail.

Does Marlene’s family live with the Potters…I’m kind of confused here too. I think I’m missing some history, especially as Sirius hangs with her brother and everything. Are your McKinnons purebloods?

Lots of action, lots of excitement and tension. NOT time to get all grossly sentimental-ish Black, geez. I enjoy their dynamics, even if I think it’s not nice to Dorcas. Did they hit Charles with the spell? It’s really hard to tell, and very important detail.

‘“Marlene the death eaters are still up there. I can catch them!” he said anxiously.’ – There are multiple sentences like this sprinkled throughout this chapter, and so I assume throughout the fic. In every instance where there is an exclamation point or question mark, the following dialogue tag needs to be capitalized. For the content/plot, I’m internally screaming: NO, SIRIUS, DON’T BE SO CAVALIER! HELP CHARLES!

I got chills!!! When James said “He’s here” very ominously and with Lily, my whole body broke out into chills. So scary! What a cliffhanger, glad I know the next chapter is up ;)

Overall, the pacing is great and that’s hard to accomplish for sure, so be proud of yourself there. I like your characters and such throughout this, they remain true to themselves and it’s hard to juggle this many people, so kudus for that ;) I hope these reviews are the least bit helpful. As I’ve said before, I think you’ve got an excellent sense of your story and where you want to go, as well as what needs to happen to get there. Your timelines are spot on and I’m confident you can execute things nicely.

Now for the summary CC: For the most part it’s the technical things that need a bit of tweaking (like the correct dialogue tags and finer relaying of important details). Also I think the reader finds out a lot of things are happening after they happen rather than in the moment, which works with the POVs you’re using, but also makes the narrative a bit harder to follow. I would have loved to seen James’ POV since that’s where the majority of the action was taking place. So, I’m curious, why did we see the Potter Manor post-main fight scene from Marlene and Sirius’ POV? I saw some character building moments, but am curious about your selection.

xx,
Ellie

Author's Response: Marlene and Dorcas are such a brotp for me, honestly. It broke me to write that scene, but it's really not about Sirius that much. A lot of their arguments are not based on Sirius, and that's what I love about them.

Peter didn't go with them because he didn't agree it was a good idea. I'll try to make it a bit clearer. In my mind, Dumbledore would not have made the Order as a dictatorship where he makes all the decisions, so that's where that idea comes from. I'll try and expand that idea as well.

Marlene and James live close to each other, and yes Marlene is a pureblood. That will become more apparent in the future. I'll try and incorporate some exposition into this chapter.

Thanks so much again, I'll look for those mistakes. And I'm happy I'm making you scared for Charles!

I'm so happy that my characters are working out. That has been the most important in the novel for me, because its so character-central.

Saying that, I can explain a bit why Sirius and Marlene had the POV this chapter. Although it's clearly about James and his dad, it also helps to explain why Sirius and Marlene are still attracted to each other. They have many similar points of view, while Dorcas is the opposition. Their backstory will help you hate Marlene a little more and Sirius a little less.

But next chapter is all James and Sirius!!

I can't wait to hear more from you. Thanks again, Ellie!

blackballet


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Review #13, by notreallyblonde44Good For You: Short Story 1: Good For You

17th December 2015:
So I’m not the biggest fan of Dramiones, so we’ll see how this goes. I’m really here because the title is Selena Gomez’s new song and I love that song (personal anthem!). Anddd what a stark contrast this is from the Ron/Hermione I just read from your page haha. This is sweltering and passionate. I’m unsure if it’s love yet or at all, but it’s very hot and heady. Which I enjoy in general. The writing is good, and you can handle any genre with ease. I enjoy your way with words and word choice in general. As for the pair itself, there’s not enough here for me to assess what their relationship is, if she’s cheating on Ron, etc., so I’m going to assume the best case scenario and look out for the next chapter ;)

(Wonder if there will be a companion after “Same Old Love” though that would be in my anti-Dramione brain, sorry, eeek)

Lurve x2,
Ellie

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Review #14, by notreallyblonde44The Last Dance: I promise

17th December 2015:
Hi Avi –squish, squish- here to do some do exchange reviewing :)

I listened to the Bodil Kjer & Poul Reichardt version of ‘Den Allersidste Dans’ while reading this (thank google haha). I’m American, so what really rang through was the emotion in the tenor of their voices and I think it was a great accompaniment to this one-shot.

BECAUSE
THE FELS.

I am at work, trying to content myself and not shed tears at my cubicle. This was so short and sweet and beautiful. I love that you captured this moment between Ron and Hermione. Showing the depth of their love and giving credence to old age that is missed on the archives a lot. It’s sad that Ron will be alone, that Harry's passed, but it’s very optimistic and endearing. And I’m just really in my feels, so I’m having trouble typing more. I hope I find such a love as this. And I’m sorry your aunt never got a similar ending.

Lurve,
Ellie

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Review #15, by notreallyblonde44Star-Crossed : Party

17th December 2015:
Hi victoria_anne, welcome to the archives and forums too! I’m Ellie, one of the Slytherin Prefects here to wish a merry holiday! I’m excited to read your first fic on here! Especially given the premise, oh my goodness. I can honestly say I’ve never read a Filch fic before, eep!

Ohhh the fun party scene. You create tension and set the scene so well here. Poor “Gus” – gusgus, as I’ll know affectionately call him- feeling very left out and amiss in this situation. Parties are tough when you barely know anyone, add the layer of a true sentiment of not belonging and yikes, can wait to see what happens next. Young Filch is such a strange image to picture btw~~what does he look like? Glad he has the capacity for human friendships though. This is something totally unexplored in the books. I like seeing different sides to characters!

‘accepted the Firewhisky He’ – missing period ;)

Oh, what’s his dad? Muggle? Mum a witch?? Can’t wait to learn more.

Is this how he named his cat?? IS SHE THE CAT? The plot potential eeep!

Oh,no, and they were so cute together, now she’s flown the coup. Does she think he’s a Muggle or is that how she’s told to react to a Squib? Very interesting indeed. Nice play selection, star-crossed lovers brewing indeed.

Overall, I enjoyed this a lot. You set the stage nicely and gave us just enough to be intrigued for more, but not leave us hanging too much with “what ifs” – solid writing and diction, you had the right amount of description and dialogue to me. I can’t wait to see what happens next, I think this how a lot of unexplored potential.

Cheers darling! Oh and if you ever need anything, feel free to PM me!

xox,
Ellie

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your welcome (and review!)
You're amazing and I'm glad you're enjoying it!


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Review #16, by notreallyblonde44If Only in His Dreams: Winter's Solstice

16th December 2015:
Alexis, hi! Here for Advent Day 15, and because I don’t believe I’ve ever had the pleasure of perusing your AP, I needed to change that :)

Aw, what a heart-wrenching scene. You tell us exactly Snape’s mentality, even glossed over where in the books this took place, and picked a lovely image of a moonlight snow/winter dance that has only happened twice in 20+ years. Sighh so heartbreakingly romantic. I love this pairing, even though it hurts that Snape didn’t have the courage to tell Lily what’s up and apologize and that she ended up with James and had Harry and started the snowball of a series we all know and love, BUT STILL. Such a darling pairing, you did a well job portraying the emotion in this scene while not skimping on description and details.

‘Their audience was the moon, a glowing eye in the heavens that did not cast judgment because they were in opposing Houses.’ – such a clever sentence with the moon casting light and not judgement. And simple yet poignant image too. Watching them memory-dance is so sad and pretty too!

And they kiss!!! Ahhh. Ahhh. I always (couldn’t help myself with the reference hehe) wondered at the depth of their friendship or relationship. Or how it all worked. This is why I love reading fanfiction, so many possibilities.

Anywho, I’ll pop back soon. I enjoyed this, thanks!

xoxq,
Ellie

Author's Response: Heya Ellie!

Thanks for picking my little tale for your Advent Day 15 review. I've always (hehe) felt that there was something more between Severus and Lily, something that perhaps he recalled when summoning his Patronus. I don't quite know where the idea of dancing in the snow in the moonlight came from, but it just seemed right. Where others have their moment in the sun with their loved one, Severus shared a moment with Lily in the snow. Of course, once I started writing it, my muse insisted on that they kissed. Ah, if only things hadn't gone south between them or if Severus had worked it out with Lily, I could easily see them having ended up with each other.

Thanks again for visiting and leaving such a lovely review! :hug:

~Alexis


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Review #17, by notreallyblonde44Valour : The Luck in the Few: Part I

15th December 2015:
Hi blackballet! Back again, after a very long time, so I may need some refreshing, not going to lie :P

I notice a few of the frequent comments I’ve made in the past are still relevant in stances like the following:

“There’s no helping him until we get more members.” James shook his head and clenched his teeth.
“Death eaters are here now. If we leave, who knows what we’ll come back to?” Moody stared at James with his bright blue eyes.

-It appears like James is talking when he’s not/Moody is responding when he’s not. This is the first name that follows the dialogue is wrong. Try to make sure that the person who’s speaking is easily distinguished, as it confuses the reader when they’re eyes can’t scan quickly over dialogue ;)

-Also, the time hopping and scene is too choppy. While I understand it, and it build tensions, the frequent jumping around really rips me out of experiencing the full emotion behind each scene. Every time I’m settling into the new setting, with the different character’s personalities, I get jerked into a new place. I’m not sure if this is intentional-to match the caustic/boom-boom-boom action of War, but it’s a bit too much for me personally, sorry.

Strong suits in this chapter are your characterizations and the character development overall. You show the good, bad, pretty, and ugly side to each character. Giving them a great balance of realness in their imperfections while still keeping the characters we’re familiar with loveable and endearing. Marlene will probably have to swallow her sentences soon, as I do not get a good feeling about what’s about to happen yikes! (Wasn’t Marlene just really sick? Is she back to Order life already?)

Since you requested for comments on this directly: Your plot is interesting, for sure! You definitely know where you’re going and do a good job of getting the characters where they need to be physically as well as emotionally, and exploring different opinions and emotions in each scene. No character seems to have completely dropped off, though I keep forgetting about Mary. There is lots of action-packed scenes full of emotion and I think you capture the war really well. I’m scared to see what happens next in the Manor!

xx,
Ellie

Author's Response: Hello again! Always happy to hear from you!

I'm so sorry to hear you're still having trouble with my dialogue. I should start editing through my chapters as I've sort of hit a roadblock plot-wise.

Also sorry to hear that you don't like the time jumps...It is intentional, and I think it may just be a personal preference. But I'm happy to hear your critiques, and glad to see you're still sticking through my little experiment!

I love developing my characters! They start to differ even more after these few chapters. And also, it's been about a month sine Marlene was injured. I guess the time jumps are too much for this section.

Mary is coming back soon!! In the third installment of this section, she will appear and kind of explain herself.

Thanks so much for your honest critique! It's so helpful to me as a writer and person

blackballet


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Review #18, by notreallyblonde44The Dragon of my Heart : The Dragon of my Heart

14th December 2015:
Hi Alarte! notreallyblonde44 here with your requested review, months later, sorry for the wait!

Nifty title, intriguing summary, and pretty banner. You know, this may the second Neville fic I’ve ever read on the forums, so that’s exciting! My reviewing style is me commenting as I read, like a line edit, then with a summarization of my thoughts and great things you did at the end :)

‘Platform Nine and three Quarters’ – 9 ¾ would work here too

‘The journey home has been no different.’ – no different from what?

Not sure if I’m buying his Gran having a car….though I adore her character and their interaction. I’m glad she believes her grandson, she’s a fierce character and this moment is precious between them as Neville’s growing up.

‘Only when s he stopped in front’ – random floating s ?

I like the letter and insights into Frank’s thoughts during the First War. Interesting that you picked this event as the catalyst for Neville’s transformation into this “dragon” or very brave Gryffindor. I adore Frank’s sentiments, though maybe a bit much in the sense that the imagery goes really deep into repeating dragon this, dragon that, baby dragon-why this image for a newborn? What’s with Frank’s dragon obsession haha.

Anywho, super sweet one-shot. I liked the connections you made between wars and Neville and his Gran’s relationships, as well as Neville’s growth and inner strength. I would not want to get on this grown up Neville’s bad side ;)

Best,
Ellie

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Review #19, by notreallyblonde44Elsewhere: Elsewhere

11th December 2015:
Hi there! Here for Advent Day Nine, as you are definitely one of the most dedicated authors around, and I've never reviewed your work before (shame on me)!

ohhh the angst, the feels, the conflicting emotions within James. I don't think I've ever read this pairing, and I've read a LOT of fanfic in ten years lol. so that says something awesome and creative about you and this one-shot for sure! I think they make sense together, and Remus' reasoning and hesitations were so legit. No one wants to destroy the friendships. Also, if you throw this in the canon universe, it makes everything sooo sad when Jame dies, and now I'm wondering about all Remus' future feels and how James and Lily came to be in this setting.

Overall your writing was well paced, and the scenes were easy to see. I think you captured the adolescent mindset with ease and it was an enjoyable and quick read for being over 3000 words ;)

Until next time!
--Ellie

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! I was so excited to see a new review on this. It's one of my favorite things I've written.

This was the first time I'd written this pairing and I hadn't ever even read it before writing this. I'm really glad you like Remus's reasoning. I didn't want him to say no because of his lycanthropy since that's usually the reason people have him give.

I had to make it canon-compliant. I am such a stickler for canon that in order to make this ship something I could board (haha, had to throw in that pun), I had to make it canon. I have thrown around the idea of doing a sequel, but I'm not sure it'll ever happen.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)


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Review #20, by notreallyblonde44I was in Love: I was in Love

7th December 2015:
Happy Hot Seat rosiful!

Oh, I’m not sure what this says about me, but I preferred reading this from the bottom to the top. Either way the story was engaging, and you built on each moment well, but there was something more emotional and natural in the progression of changes when it read from the bottom to the top (maybe my perceived “normal”). Obviously the flip side was more cheerful, so I do like that they ended up together in the first version of this tale. And what an interesting challenge, wow! Never thought of writing like way before, I think you did a great job with it, such a twist in the plot. Good luck!

xoxo
Ellie

Author's Response: Thank you for the review Ellie!

I'm not sure what it says about me, but the bottom to top was actually easier for me to write :/ It was more emotional, maybe that's why it was better... I'm currently having a hard time trying to write fluffy romance!

It was a great challenge idea, and I had a very interesting time trying to put something together for it!

Thank you!

-Rosiful


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Review #21, by notreallyblonde44Just Friends: Change

24th November 2015:
Happy birthday Angie!!! Hope it’s smashing :) Here for a bday review for you!

First, love your character selection on this. As you know I write Lav fics sometimes, and have dabbled in Dean before, and while I’ve never paired them together before, I’m happy you have. I want them both to be happy post-war. I also enjoyed how you build things up and explained the pairing, so that was got to believe and buy into a bit more. Since these two never were together in much capacity in the books, you provided enough background to make it believable.

Really glad Dean expressed his feelings in some capacity, but the conversation they had hit very close to home to me (and the convo went in the opposite way where I had to turn my “friend” down), so maybe I need to read this when it’s not so fresh of a memory in my head, because I was squirming in pain reading this –not because of your writing, but because of what Lav could say! Guess I felt like how Dean must’ve felt, which is a good thing too :P

Anwho, nuff about me, short and sweet one-shot. Hope you explore fluff and romance more, as this was pretty solid!

Some light CC:
‘Wow, had he just transported back into teenage?’ – being a teenager or his teenage years. Something, seems like an incomplete sentence?

“Dean! Where’re you lost?” – just where, not ‘re needed ;)

Enjoy your special day!

Xoxox, Ellie

Author's Response: Aw Ellie! You're too sweet. This was such a surprise review, so thanks a ton!

I am pleased you liked my character selection, and found the pairing believable with the background and stuff.

Ooh sorry to hear it hit a bad memory! *hugs*

I am glad you liked this overall. Thank you for the sweet comments. I'll fix the mistakes =)


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Review #22, by notreallyblonde44Haversham Westley's School for Boys: six.

24th November 2015:
Hello Elisabeth~~

Saw a few of your posts about a new story and thought I would drop by!

“Mate, at this stage I assume everyone’s queer and I haven’t been proven wrong yet.” - My favorite line of the series so far! For the fact that I share a similar opinion and because it's so spot on, with your characterizations and all. I have to be quick (at work) so hopefully I can drop back and give a more in-depth, thoughtful review.

Enjoying and excited to see where you go with all this jazz :)

Creative concept, xoxo
-Ellie

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Review #23, by notreallyblonde44The Serpent of Slytherin: Mother

17th November 2015:
Happy Hot Seat Gee! Oh this is very interesting, happy I selected another Slytherin-ish-focused one-shot ;)

Poor Basilisk, quite a different take than anything we see in canon or perceive from Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them’s dangerous rating of the basilisks. It’s so sad that the Basilisk was basically abandoned, created to destroy and so lonely :(

I’m not sure why though, but I did find it funny that there was all this confusion of “wait, you’re a girl?” and “yes?” and calling Salazar “Mother” – again don’t know why it was funny, maybe the undermining of Salazar’s snobby take on men being better than women idk. I chuckled nonetheless.

I also enjoyed the basilisk’s birth, the specification of scales and such was so scientific and very unlike things I normally read. It was concrete and textile, so what I did there :P I liked your approach to a birth-so different than the emotions-shows just how cold Salazar’s take on everything was-so distant from even excitement. He gave his orders, and the adorable giant snake followed them without outward question. I know think I feel bad for him, as a tool for murder and not an autonomous creature. Very interesting one-shot :)

-hugs-
ellie

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Review #24, by notreallyblonde44The memories in your biscuits: The memories in your biscuits

11th November 2015:
Hey Chiara! Here for our review swap, and how can I resist a one-shot dedicated to my two favorite characters??? So excited :) Though I’m afraid of where this dark turn is going, yikes!

This was an interesting, if not a bit scattered take on some events in McGonagall’s life. I found these elements added some new depths to her character, like her struggles in becoming a Professor and her interest in baking biscuits (thanks to Edda, which was a sweet twist –seeing what I did there :P ). I’m not sure I think McGonagall is a loner baker type, but anything’s likely in fanfic land. It’s sad to think she can’t perform a corporeal patronus anymore and I liked the added scene of her experiences in the first war. Though I’m pretty sure Voldemort killed Dorcas specifically.

Either way it gave her some new depths and it’s quite a different portrayal of Minnie. And then Severus saves her?? It seems like that came out of nowhere though the rest jumped around a bit in the timeline and I didn’t realize we hopped back in time (which I’m never seen that done with the second person, so I think that’s the struggle here) which confused me midway through too.

‘Black had fooled him, had fooled you, had fooled everyone.’ NOO not Sirius, sniff sniff, he’s good Minnie, he’s good!

A few bits of CC:
1. They would likely say professors, not teachers. And I’m not sure they would say something so slangy as “wanna”, but there are nitpicky things.
2. ‘"Good luck." you said with a last smile.’ – Either use a comma instead of that first period in quotation marks, or keep the period and capitalize you.
3. ‘milky-white cheeks suddenly turned cremisi’ – I feel dumb, but I have 0 clue what cremisi is lol sounds like a strange descriptor for someone’s skin. Also this is the third mention of his skin o.O

This definitely went through all the emotions, from happy, to stressed to sad, to all the things. Tugged at my heartstrings a bit, for some reason the houseelf and flashback to that time in Minnie’s life was my favorite scene. Best of luck in the challenge!

Ta for now,
Ellie

Author's Response: Hi, Ellie!
Thank you so much for swapping and for the lovely review! :)

Remus is my absolute favourite character, so I was incredibly thrilled when I received my prompt. I must say that this is not at all what I expected myself to write...

I'm glad you liked the elements from McGonagall's life. Oh, well... we really know McGonagall only as the strict Professor, but I wanted to give her a more human, fragile dimension. And I personally like the image of her baking alone.

Yes, you're absolutely right about Dorcas being killed by Voldemort in person. I realized it when it was too late, and I couldn't think of another character that would work as well there... so I just ignored that detail...

You're not the only one who found the switch from "present" to memories a bit confusing. Someone suggested me to italicize the memory scenes, I could try to do that... As for Snape... I needed someone to come to the rescue, and he was the best option, or at least so I felt. I wasn't expecting it either, to be true (I wasn't expecting half the things that happened in this story. It just sort of wrote itself...)

Oh, I know... Sirius... :( But we know that's what everyone thought at the time...

Thanks for the CCs, I'll keep those in mind. As for "cremisi"... That's "crimson" in Italian... For some reason I was convinced it was international! :P

I'm glad you felt all those emotions. :) And Edda's scene is my favourite too! ;)

Thank you so much again for the amazing review! (By the way, what do you mean with "ta for now"? I always have a bit of trouble with acronyms...)

Much love!
Chiara


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Review #25, by notreallyblonde44Summerbee: Summerbee

11th November 2015:
Hello!

I've read this once before, and realized I never left a review (shame on me), and wanted to say that this is a very interesting one-shot. Have you ever read the Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath? It seems like you have to me, as what you describe is so similar to that book/her experiences. If you haven't, you may like it.

You did a wonderful job, I'm only wishing for more, which isn't necessary since you handle everything so well, but is a mark of good writing. When a reader wants more, you know you're stuff is interesting ;) And it's amazing to me that you did the whole alphabet back and forth! Amazing challenge, you should be happy with the result and hope you did well in the challenge itself. I admit I had to look up xenial haha. Fits so well, pacing is nice and fluid despite the letter restriction.

There's a bit of mystery here around Lucy's circumstances, and Norah completely. Lucy clearly had some form of a mental breakdown, and I hope she's OK and working on managing her stress and desire for attention in a more positive, less harmful way. For Norah, I can't help but think that Norah's sexuality could be related to her Summerbee stay, as "treatments" were once called for and could be still (though I would like to think not!!). I hope I'm wrong to some degree, either way there's definitely something just lurking below the surface with the "voices" that's so very sad and fragile in Norah. I enjoyed the girls' dynamic, and hope that they see each other again but that it doesn't involve Lucy going back if she doesn't need too.

Overall, really creative and sophisticated one-shot, I enjoyed reading it, thanks!

-Ellie

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