Reading Reviews From Member: notreallyblonde44
153 Reviews Found

Review #1, by notreallyblonde44Blue Blood: PROLOGUE

7th October 2015:
Hello there :)

Love the banner. Love the build up and this whole new territory/world you are building with glimpses into a post-war world and Bastille. I'm excited to see where the next chapter goes and where this story is going in general. It's hard to grasp that Ron and Hermione are dead, but I'm curious to see how that happened and how Rose and Hugo will behave now that they're orphaned, etc, etc. Wonder why the Malfoy Manor is the safest space and interested in meeting the rest of the cast. This story has a lot of promise!

The only thing I noticed is that Ron is mentioned throughout the summary to this story, and Hermione's death isn't. And that they're dead in a garden in the story (what is Covent Garden, excited to find out!), when the summary says side of a that may be worth making match up? :)

xx Ellie

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Review #2, by notreallyblonde44Thestrals: Thestrals

5th October 2015:
Nooo! Not ickle James.

Wait, wait, wait, about half way through, (SPOILERS FOR THOSE PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF THAT SOMETIMES READ REVIEWS FIRST) I’m sitting here thinking Harry is dead. James saw him die. That’s why it’s cold and everyone is a mess. AND. I’m right. Is Harry haunting them? Eek such a strange ordeal and so very sad :(

Your writing was really smooth, flowing very naturally, even with the second person, which is insanely difficult for me, so mad props to you! Hope you did well in the challenge because this was enjoyable (thought that’s not the right word for something so sad, but you know what I mean right? Ha).

Yeah, you captured the moment and scene well. I’m fascinated with after life possibilities and that this was great, a little Sixth Sense like, but still original in the fanfic landscape (esp with the added dimension of seeing Thestrals, which is so poignant for Harry) and the selection of Harry as the reader is cool here. We’re so used to reading from Harry’s third person POV, but this in entirely different. Seems to make sense to such a POV when he’s passed away.

Another great one-shot!

xx Ellie

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Review #3, by notreallyblonde44The Voice: Chapter One

5th October 2015:
Oh hello there, Avi! I read a few things on your page during the Silver Scales, and I’m here for the Oct Hot Seat to get cracking on some reviewing :)

You have a penchant for creepy terrifying voices and dreadful predicaments for your character, horror/mental manifestations is all over your page, and all very well-done! You really know how to get into a character’s mind and explore fear at its most primal level (with Pansy, Hermione in Tetraphobia, and somewhat with Lily in The Wild Rose, etc etc).

Ick, who/what is this creepy voice? Is it really happening?? Mirrorland is getting scary. And this may have given me a plunny??

I’m reading this and mentally screaming at Pansy: Don’t do it, girl! Killing them isn’t going to solve anything!

Yikes, so creepy. And rather believable really. Reminds me of this show called Snapped. *shivers*

So, while I think you captured the tension and emotions and this warped mirror-land persona Pansy, I feel like the switching back and forth and use of italics wasn’t as clear to me as it could’ve been. Like I couldn’t tell if the flips were in the past, present, or if they followed a pattern…they kind of lacked an internal pattern to me. And maybe that was your point, which is fine, but I definitely got tripped up over when things were happening when you flipped to the italics. I think a one-liner or clue may be helpful to ground the reader a bit more when you flip moments. Idk, just a thought I had.

Anywho, another lovely creepy one-shot. Fantastic balance of description and thought, great flow/pacing of the building of feelings and delusion, if I can call it that. Look forward to reading more of your work :)

xx Ellie

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Review #4, by notreallyblonde44I've Already Walked Away: I've Already Walked Away

5th October 2015:
Hi MCG, more reviews for this month’s swap :)

Yikes the Scorose tension! You must not be a big fan of this ship haha as this is the second anti-Scorose I’ve read on your page. This is a very short clip, so I don’t have much to say here. I think you invoked the emotions well, and I’m curious what Scorpius said to trigger these emotions in Rose. Just having it be based on blood status, at this point, seems interesting. Guess I’ve read too many stories where Scorpius grows out of that nonsense, but it’s likely that the family still has some prejudices that manifest. And it sounds like Scorpius treats Rose horribly, so I’m happy she’s getting away and stays strong during this process!

Again there are some missing commas. In dialogue there needs to be a comma before someone is addressed. For instance: “Don’t you get it you stubborn ***?” should read “Don’t you get it, you stubborn ***?”

xx Ellie

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Review #5, by notreallyblonde44Of Tacos And Firemen: Of Tacos and Firemen

5th October 2015:
Hi MCG, here again for another review :) M TACOS!

AW :( Her husband died and she pregnant and she felt like she had to leave the magical world, which is honestly a very smart idea/move on her part! IDK why Texas, but she definitely needed to get out if everyone she knows and loves is being hunted down or something (for things they may or may not have done)….Yup you build up the reader’s sympathy really well here with all these details and, if I was her, I was want to poof too.

Sad they never got tacos in the end...I love tacos. They are glorious. Poor Pansy, she really gets drained by life here. Being a single mother and then setting her house/food on fire while trying to survive in the Muggle world. The premise of this story makes me wonder if anyone ever visited her or wanted to make sure she was surviving? Just a though on my end, but knowing how the pureblood world may work post-war makes me think that’s unlikely.

Some things I noticed:
‘Of course latefr I was foud innocent of all the charges that were placed on me and was released.’ – spelling errors: later and found. I have to note that while Pansy may have forgotten what these charges were, I think it’s important for the reader to know what they are. Without knowing the full setup of the story, it doesn’t make a lot of sense that Harry’s coming up to attack them in, what I assume is broad daylight, without a known cause and killed Marcus, but Pansy was charged?

There are a few times that your writing/clarity is hindered by punctuation errors, mainly missing commas and periods between sentences. Without these little details some of the pacing because confusing or distracting. These are very minor things that a Beta reader could catch if need be :)

Example: Pansy’s “No”

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Review #6, by notreallyblonde44The Thunder Rolls: The Thunder Rolls

2nd October 2015:
o.OOO so dark! So intriguing. In such a short amount of time you conveyed a LOT of emotion. The song really helped set the tone and pacing, and the lyrics were nicely interwoven.

The scene was interesting. I wonder who this mysterious other woman is and why Scorpius did this to Rose :( I can't say I think he deserved death, and oh that last two lines were so emotional(!), but what he did to Rose is awful. What a jerk. I liked the scenery and the way the thunder hits at the right moments. Your pacing seems lyrical as you definitely have an internal rhythm to your writing, which is cool and hard!

Some quick typos I noticed:

'I’m so glad I made him take the car to the James’ bachelor party' - to James' (no the needed)

'But where could he be He should' - missing period before He
*also not sure if you need to bold this section as it's not doing much to emphasize two sentences. Usually bold would be used for one word or a few words to make the emphasis a very stark contrast.

There are a few other moments where there appears to be missing periods or something, so those should be easy to catch on a quick read through ;)

Overall, interestingly depressing Songfic one-shot...definitely have not read something like this on here before. The line that really resonates with me is "utter the words my parents taught me never to say" - Rose is clearly at wit's ends and it's so hard to witness her breakdown and this tragic ending to two lives :(

~october pit review exchange buddy~

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Review #7, by notreallyblonde44murmur.: one.

21st September 2015:
Hey Maia!

I said I would drop a note as a thanks for dealing with my mods and banner insanity on TDA, I really appreciate it :) I'll likely R&R something else on here too to express my gratitude!

What a nifty challenge and creepy concept! Who cursed her??? Sounds so freaky! ahakar. Wonder if that's how Ginny felt under Tom Riddle's spell. I think you did a great job capturing the mood and overall creepy factor...she may not be crazy, but goodness something's up! Wonder how outsiders see her behavior...yeah her friends notice, but I would love to see their POV (get the opposite side of the stick). Such an interesting concept :)


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Review #8, by notreallyblonde44Kill Your Darlings: Adjustment

18th September 2015:
21 chapters in, and I'm finally reviewing! I've been reading your fic like a love-sick addict. I love this story, I love your portrayals of the Black sisters, and love the pacing of one of the best pairings in the hp-universe!!

I don't think I'll capture everything I've wanted to say as I've been reading, but I was on my iPad and thoroughly too engrossed in the story to stop and try to type on that thing :P So I'll try to leave more in the future as I continue...Oh and I think I've cried an upwards of five-ten times during the first 21 chapters. And that's such a good thing! The beautiful and ugly feeels~~

OK, so you take the full time needed to explore the depth of these two characters that come from such different backgrounds. You explore the darker aspects of being a pureblood, what that means, where there biases come from etc (is that Scourgify book canon or something you made up? either way, it's brilliant).

I mean you realy tackle the details well, which is so important to the believably of this pairing in the end. Like they don't just get over all their experiences and the hate lobbed at one side or anything because of ~love and chemistry~ (which they have too! and that one scene was hot hot hothotohtohtt) but they go through the process of talking to each other and gosh, you are so good at showing the reader what's happening and giving each scene it's due focus as opposed to glossing anything over. Like we need the chapters of growth, without Ted, of seeing Andie fail and be with her family (which are so awful to her! but Sirius. the Sirius scenes warm my heart every time!) and try and go through these inner conflicts on her own. Her growth is so integral to the plot, it's so much more than "just a love story" it's beautiful.

You've really thought this fic out, very well plotted, and goes through an entire school year without you ever needing to directly be like "this is what month it is" (which I do and hate when I do it because I feel like it takes the reader of the emotions, etc,etc /end soap box rant). I'm sitting here like, this may almost be over yes and no?? Torn. I want her and Ted to happen so badly, Ted's the sweetest on earth yet he's not going against his values too and like really puts Andie into her place and vice versa when need be.

Your writing is excellent, the dialogue even better! It's not just banter for banter's sake. It's real characters speaking to each other with real feelings and histories and yeah, gush gush// I'll try to say more next review, but I love this fic a lot and wanted to let you know ;)


Author's Response: Oh goodness, thank you for such a thoughtful and sweet review! This was one pleasant surprise to find waiting for me upon logging in.

Ha! Not that I'm happy you cried, but I'm happy the story MADE you cry. Is there a difference? In my mind there is.

Scourgify is book cannon, but I wish it were just LIFE cannon. It would really come in handy.

It means a lot to me that you found their personal and relational evolution to be natural. That was one of my biggest concerns when writing--that something about their progress wouldn't ring true. Baha, and I'm glad you liked little Sirius. Not gonna lie, writing him in was maybeee important but mostly just a guilty pleasure on my part. :)

Anyway, I'm so, so happy to hear you enjoyed the read. Reviews like this make me all the more eager to keep writing! Thank you for taking the time to invest in the story AND to check in and let me know your thoughts. Hope you continue to enjoy!

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Review #9, by notreallyblonde44Chandelier: Chandelier

18th September 2015:
Hiya Nix! Review, review, reviews for you part III :)

*drool* banner. Really sets the high class tone of this one-shot! And a Sia reference, yes!! Love her to pieces, and anything with a Slytherin-focused cast.

Oof, poor girl losing her parents! I bet she didn’t see that coming indeed. She’s very warped about her surroundings: / Though they didn’t seem ideal, losing someone that you’ve always had around and likely taken for granted isn’t easy. She’s, she so cold about it though. Very scary! Her observations were interesting. I don’t think she really would have connected Crabbe’s death, but maybe she’s more intelligent/better at deductive reasoning than I give her credit for.

Pansy’s sister, who? Curious. There scene was very awkward and they were not remotely sisterly or affectionate. Which is very pureblooded of them, but I’m curious why you gave Pansy a sister? I don’t know if it really added another layer to Pansy’s characterization. To be honest it didn’t give her any further depth or deepen my understanding of her behavior. Maybe it’s because the sister is just mentioned casually and already leaves? I guess I don’t get it, sorry. Also, wasn’t she not supposed to talk about her, telling Draco and Blaise seems very off to me, but maybe Pansy doesn’t care at all. That wouldn’t shock me. Does she not have a Houseelf to be around here at all?

Pansy really doesn’t get that Draco doesn’t give a fig for her, delusional much? Yup, she’s brainwashed. I’m glad Blaise called her out on it, she needed a reality check. Your summary is spot on, she’s not handling it well. I think it’s a very accurate portrayal of her character post-War. All the shocks are a real blow to her system. Poor thing. Uhm, people couldn’t recognize her from her hair color? Interesting as well. (It’s creepy that she chose blonde, I must admit lol)

Lol, are those two dudes still in the room during the Blaise/Pansy? That was an interesting plot-twist/reveal. Hopefully Blaise will help restore Pansy’s sense of self now that’s she’s got someone to turn to again. She’s very insecure, and it’s so sad to watch her drown herself in alcohol :( I think her quick jump to Blaise shows how lost she is, and what she’ll do to ensure she’s not alone or without someone to guide her in life. Not the best reason to start a romance, and she was quick to be like “OK”, but we’ll she show she fairs, I guess. At least she’s not alone anymore. She does seem some comfort, she’s been through an awful lot. Hopefully Blaise is good for her and understands her in a better way than Draco for sure.

Overall I think you picked an interesting time and character post-war. I love post-war and Slytherins, so I enjoyed seeing your take on these events. I think you were realistic with events, but, some CC, maybe not so much with the emotions/feeling in the prose. Granted you choose a character with limited emotional depth/understanding, but she seems to do things without like any thought all around. Which maybe that’s just Pansy, and I’m off base here, but the thoughts and actions lack any feeling to me. Even her sad collapse about being alone in the house, there wasn’t so much build up there that it fell kind of flat to me.

Again your command of language and pacing were really good. The short snippets really felt naturally broken out and showed a full view of everything! I hope I’m not being too harsh :/ I think you have a solid backbone for writing and characterization, just a few hitches on the delivery. The hopeful ending is great too and I think you captured a Slytherin post-war reality accurately.

xx Ellie

Author's Response: Hi! I'm slightly afraid to read this review and I'm just gonna say it upfront that I know this is not my best work. This was written with very little time and did not turn out at all the way I wanted it to, and I've been meaning to rewrite it once the challenge entries have been judged and the winners announced but I'm not quite sure when that's going to happen.

But I don't think you're being harsh in this review, there definitely are a lot of issues with this story, and a lot that hasn't been fully fleshed out. I really wanted to include more with her family. I have a whole headcanon set basically on what Pansy's parents are like and how they and her sister treated her growing up, and why she is the way she is. There's just so much that's been left out and hopefully once it's rewritten (I'm planning on turning it into something with multiple chapters) it will all make more sense.

Thanks so much for all the reviews! I really enjoyed reading all of them!


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Review #10, by notreallyblonde44'Bring a Muggle to School' Day: 'Bring a Muggle to School' Day

18th September 2015:
Hiya Nix! Review, review, reviews for you part II :)

I definitely read this when the Silver Scales noms were going on, and just didn’t have time to review it then. This was definitely one of the top funniest ones nominated! What a clever, and not-so-clever, idea! Muggles going to Hogwarts, lifted off the streets. Melina is a wild one! Very likely to be friends with the twins haha. I would have come to Melina’s meeting! Or, I wish I was nabbed to go to Hogwarts *dream come true*

Again I didn’t see any typos and you are really good at dialogue/backs and forths. You did a swell job with the twins; I fear I would bucther their characterizations, so I always enjoy a good rendition of their antics. And Hogwarts is a ick name I would be skeptical of too, nice Muggles haha.

One minor canon thingy: Muggles see an abandoned building and beware signs when they come across Hogwarts ;)

Funny and creative one-shot!

xx Ellie

Author's Response: Hello again! I adore Melina and the twins. I've been meaning to write them again, but haven't gotten around to it. I also loved the idea of the Muggles at Hogwarts, of course I did not come up with that, but it was so much fun to write.

I did later learn of the abandoned building/ruin that Muggles are supposed to see instead of Hogwarts after writing this, I'm just not that bothered to fix it since it's not the only quirk in the story. I know there's more that's wrong or unlikely, but this was written in a day or two and I just wanted it to be something quick and fun. I'm very glad you enjoyed it though and thanks so much for the amazing review!


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Review #11, by notreallyblonde44Scars from Tomorrow: Scars from Tomorrow

18th September 2015:
Hiya Nix! Review, review, reviews for you :)

Epic banner.

I’m only about a third way through, and I really think you nailed Draco’s tone so far. I can hear him saying all these things and his dialogue with Pansy is very spot on. Spoiledish sounding, and very haughty. Draco’s one those characters that really, really gets rung through the ringer in fanfic, so it’s refreshing to see you capture him well!

Yikes, well-chosen setting, the backdrop of the Astronomy Tower (given the following night’s events) sets up a sharp contrast and demonstrates fully why they cannot be together, which I believe is the point of the challenge, so well done!

I know it’s AU and all, but I have to say I’m not sure if this Harry felt true to his characterization to me. Didn’t he practically love-hate Dumbledore at this junction, like confused about all the half-stories and weight of the stress of being the “savior”…and he’s such an awkward lover/romancer, I just don’t seem him as an ardent lover. But who knows, he’s also snogging his sworn enemy all around the castle, so this Harry is capable of a lot of different things than the book haha.

Anywho, the tension was great and I sense some semblance of redemption for the choices Draco’s making here, and enjoy reading his side of the 6th book events in this fic :) Your dialogue was very natural, I didn’t see any typos, and thought you did a great job with the challenge and one-shot overall!

xx Ellie

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you think I've captured Draco so well. I do love writing him and he's one of my favorite characters to write. Yes, the Astronomy Tower seemed like the perfect place for them to meet, ironically. I don't know that Harry hated Dumbledore at this point... but I also haven't read HBP in ages and it's something I've been meaning to do since I plan on writing more Drarry. In the movie, he seems so much more go-with-the-flow than in previous movies, but maybe that's just the director/producer's interpretation. He is kind of awkward with Ginny though in the romance department so I can understand that it might seem a bit of stretch for him to be so open with Draco.

Anyway, thank you so much for the lovely review! I really enjoyed it!

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Review #12, by notreallyblonde44That's Life!: The One With the Runaway Bride

14th September 2015:
Hi again! Figured I would keep reading and reviewing since it's such a nice read :)

You write in such an effortless way, or at least it reads that way (since I know how much time it takes to actually write something one loves enough to post haha). I didn't even realize I was reading present tense too, which you're doing a good job writing in . I found it really hard personally, you'll notice I stay on past tense. I like how it works for your story a lot.

Two minor things:

1. There is a bit of showing rather than telling when you describe this case like Elle's past. You give an overview of it and then direct reference it later in conversation. May be just me but I like reading about things naturally, like in dialogue, then reading a summary about it.

2. I'm confused by this sentence: "“Look, if you keep saying * like that, you’re uninvited,” I advise him, although after a moment I wish I hadn’t. If he’s uninvited then maybe I can have Charlotte all to myself." -so Molly wished she hadn't told him he was uninvited? Seems like she would benefit from that? May be a modifier issue, as 'hasn't' refers back to her advise, which seems to be the beneficial part. Idk if I'm explaining this well, I'm half-asleep haha. Again very small things ;)

Overall I like the ease of the story's plot. Like I wrote above your writing seems so natural and well-paced. I liked the funny bits thrown in there--you balance comedy and romance and sadness really well. I'm also enjoying your characterization of Lucy, how she seems more like Percy than Molly (which is different in loads of NextGen fics), so I'm enjoying this change of things :)

Onto the next,

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Review #13, by notreallyblonde44That's Life!: The One With the Wedding Dress

14th September 2015:
hi moonbaby :) hope you are well, and happy review exchange!

I have never delved too deep into the Friends universe, but I recall a scene where Rachel shows up in a wedding dress at the I assume that's what you are referring to here?

anywho, good introductory prologue. you set the stage of the characters and their personalities a bit. I liked that we didn't know it was Molly straight off the bat, enjoyed that bit of mystery and natural exposition. poor girl :( I would be pretty devastated if something like that happened to me. and looks like charlotte got burned too, wonder if they bounce back haha.

not much to comment on here. you wrote very natural sounding dialogue and a bit was showy vs. telling but I assume that's because the focus isn't on the past, but the present, and I liked that contrast between summary of past and dialogue in the present with a spot of new action at the end. looking forward to reading what happens :)


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Review #14, by notreallyblonde44A Snitch's Lament: A Wild Pursuit

8th September 2015:
Hello EvilOtter :) Hope your well, I was strolling through the recently added section and thought your summary sounded clever and popped in to check it out!

“But I have not won the struggle” lol! Poor little Snitch! Is it a thing? I have never known it was a thing, how funny, and I guess awful since it’s “captured” every game. Wonder if one ever gets away. Oh, and you answer that, boundaries. Right. Lame :P

I like how you use a bunch of older language to portray the snitch’s thoughts, like breathe and kin, because it's likely older and uses language similar to its creator and has been around for a long time. I wonder if he comes up with strategies. I thought it was cute that he was like, oh woe is me, why do I even bother. The ‘Until next time’ ending was funny to as it’s almost like it’s a war/struggle every time haha. Cute and creative one-shot.

-Ellie from the HPFF forums

Author's Response: Hey Ellie,

It always made me wonder what they think (if they think) during a game. Since they try actively to avoid capture I assume they have some sort of intelligence.

Thanks for the very kind review I enjoy them because it gives me an insight into what my readers like.

I was trying to get it ready for the Dobby noms, but maybe next year.

Thanks again,
Evil Otter

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Review #15, by notreallyblonde44Dementor's Kiss: Dementor's Kiss

8th September 2015:
Hello nininora :) Hope your well, I was strolling through the “Other” category in the queue and though I would check out your first attempt at third person, which is one of my favorite POVs to write in!

Whelp, I google mapped where St. Ives is. You know as someone that uses St. Ives lotion, I’m happy to learn where the is happening and where it’s made-if it’s actually made there that is. Anyhow, I’m curious how you picked the location, unless I’m mistaken is the Burrow around there? Neat spot.

Aww it’s so sad. You gave us hope for a moment when Sam blinked, then snatched it away. I’m sitting here like, he’s a shell, now what?? I feel so bad from the brother-in-laws and best friends. Why were they out, why were they attacked? Where is Sam’s son and what is he going to do with a hollow father :( So sad. Such a random and awful things. I assume this happens after Voldemort released the Dementors from Azkaban, but I may be wrong. What if Sam is actually an escapee? And Phil helped him dash for it? *so many possibilities*

This is truly an interesting concept you’ve written about! Definitely made me think about the post-Kiss in a new way.

Some things I noticed/may be worth thinking about in future writing:

“Phillip,” Sam shouted as he stopped and turned. May be better as “Phillip!” I think it would let the reader know he’s yelling right away.

The formatting got spacey in some places, which I thought indicated a change in scene. Especially when it looked double or triple spaced (example: right before “Not willing to accept his fate. and the section where “Phillip got to his hands”.) I know formatting is not the easiest in the online tool, as I over/under paragraph break all the time when pasting from Word, but it’s something small to look for as larger bears tend to indicate a shift in the scene to readers, and this is super minor, so feel free to ignore my suggestion ;)

Another super minor thing, I think JK typically capitalizes things she created, like Dementors.

Overall I think you did a swell job with 3rd person! The emotions and scene were very clear. I felt terribly for them, the Kiss is such an awful thing to have happen to you (as you illustrate well).

-Ellie from the HPFF forums

Author's Response: Hi Ellie!
Thanks for the review :) To answer your question about why I chose St. Ives, it's because I've been there and know that it's a nice touristy place. Philip and Sam were supposed to be on a small holiday there, but I didn't make it very clear because I didn't want to distract from what was happening. I also wrote this as an idea for a longer story, but modified it when I came to a bit of a block of how to develop the story-but I will come back to it and will hopefully have some more ideas.

I know that the formatting can be a bit confusing when copying from Word, but I forgot to go back through and sort it all out before I submitted. Part of the reason why I format it the way I do in the Word document before posting is because it helps me to find specific pieces of information if I want to go back to recap something or change something (I know that there's a find tool, but I can never remember how I worded it).

All in all, thanks again for the review-hearing what readers think on how well I write or what I can do to improve does mean a lot to me, and I do always take it into consideration as I'm always looking to improving my writing. :)

Thanks again,

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Review #16, by notreallyblonde44Break Me: Chapter 1

8th September 2015:
Reading another one-shot because I'm here and why not? haha

o.O OH WOW. Love it!!! I am not particularly fond of Tonks as a character and adore Remus to protective-pieces, so I prefer this to canon and think it fits nicely into canon, so now it's real :P

Yikes the feels, so many feels in a second. Poor Sirius. Half-poor Remues. Meh I care Tonks is being used, but meh. And very interesting POV selection! You did a good job with it. I didn't know I was being "you'd" until about midway through lol


Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

That was so sweet of you to stop by and read another one-shot.

I actually don't like Tonks very much myself either and I sort of ship Wolfstar, so I had to try and find a plausible reason for Ronks to happen. I'm glad you like how I envisioned them getting together.

There are a lot of feels and most of them are sort of depressing.

I'm thrilled that you didn't notice the "being you'd" until halfway through. It's always my hope when I do 2nd person that I'll be able to make it fit within the story.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #17, by notreallyblonde44The Forest: Run

8th September 2015:
Hi TreacleTart! Here for ze review swap! I've been eyeing this piece for awhile, so I'm happy I get a chance to read it cause I love Dean, he’s so underrated as a character. I’m excited to read this though setting seems ominous and sad. Any Dean is better than no Dean at all ;)

Oh interesting bloodline, wonder why he can’t prove his half-bloodery, missing a parent? Dynamic characterization already. Very real and terrifying stakes for this run, be safe Dean!!! *only mildly freaking out* Also, very good with wandwork very a muggleborn, wish death eaters weren’t so awful abhor them. Ah very sweet of Seamus!!

What happened? Is he OK?

You did a good job of picking up a canon moment and fleshing it out for the reader. We know about when this happens based on context clues. Dean’s fears about Harry’s survival rate are spot on how I think most felt during this time period, holding out for hope but also so removed from everything who can be sure what’s what? Good job with the panic-tension building. I enjoyed the snippet of second war running (though I prefer to see him happy), this put me a good mindset for my own writing, so thanks for that unintentional boost haha. Good luck in the challenge!


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Review #18, by notreallyblonde44Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans: Rum

5th September 2015:
Hi! Ellie from the Pit reviewing your story whilest reading Silver Scales noms.

Blonde hair!! Scorpius there or Lysander???

To go back through the chapters, you create nice tension, build up, and characterization in this story. I see everyone so clearly in my mind, their personalities believable and distinct. I feel awful for Rose, but you added a second layer of the tension because originally Lorcan was Dominique's (if you believe in ownership and possession and "code" when it comes to Love, which who knows if that holds weight. clearly not in this story ha). I've actually been in a somewhat similar situation (no engagement or wedding though, yikes too young hah) but still it is just awful! I feel for everyone but Lorcan. I hate him and his dumb-dumb lack of integrity. I hope he kicks a swift kick.

I love Ron's emotions at the party, it was so protective Ron! Idk why, maybe I'm in a weird emotional place, but I almost teared up with his reaction and love for his daughter. Very in-character adult Trio characterizations too.

Oh, also, really like the theme of the story, with the chapters being different flavors of Bertie Beans it's a great wizariing-relevant analogy. We haven't actually seen her at the shop, so I assume that's coming. I'm hoping Rose feels better as the story progresses!

xx, Ellie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review Ellie!

Yeah, there's not really a 'code' in this story. Well, not for Rose in that situation anyway!
Sorry to hear you've gone through something similar! I hope it all worked out in the end for you.

I am so glad you like the trio's characterisations. It was so difficult for me to write them as I've never written about canon characters before, and I really like keeping things to canon!

The shop is coming quite soon actually.

Again, thank you so much for reviewing!!

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Review #19, by notreallyblonde44Past Tense: fourth.

5th September 2015:
Hello ad astra! Ellie from the Pit here, combing through all the Silver Scale submissions.

This is a really interesting concept, I've seen a few Squib/Muggle teachers at Hogwarts fics, but this is the first I've read through. This is a really well written and executed! I found myself really connecting with Steph and the struggles of post-profession after Uni lol.

And the twist at the end- we finally get her last name!! I bet that will add a new layer to the plot and I'm excited to see where this goes. You've really dived into Hogwarts as a problematic schooling system, which I appreciate. And the line about appropriating Latin was hilarious! I'm not sure which chapter that was in, as I'm doing a giant review as opposed to individual ones, but there's a lot of funny one-liners in here!

Overall your dialogue is really quick, easy to follow, and quippy. Steph really doesn't take anything from anyone, and I think she's bound to put her foot in her mouth soon. I look forward to it in a way as her jaded-ness is so far different from everyone else's "I LOVE HOGWARTS" glorified wizardingness. Quite a refreshing perspective :) I hope to see some familiar faces and deeper characterizations soon. I feel like I actually don't know much about Steph outside of her disdain for her family and past (which I totally get why she is this way), but something is kind of missing from her character to me, like a certain likability factor or her passions outside of schooling or something? i can't put my finger on it, so I apologize about that.

Anywho, definitely keeping my eye on this, really want to see where you go with it :)

xx's Ellie

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Review #20, by notreallyblonde44Eyes Like Skies: Your dreamer’s eyes light up the way they only do for me

3rd September 2015:
Hi Kapa!

Yay this ship. They get together! So adorable they seem so in love and happy and, more importantly, they bring out the best in each other (though this seems like the "honeymoon stage" of the relationship so I hope all these things are true haha). Very short and sweet with just enough description blended in with the feels.

I must admit, the first line was confusing to me. Is Imogen calm or not calm? o.O

Thanks for letting me know there was more Domogen!

Author's Response: Welcome back, again, Ellie! : )

Yes, this is definitely the 'honeymoon stage' of this still very new relationship! And they do bring out the best in each other, at least here... The next story I'm planning (as long as these finicky characters decide to cooperate) will be about their first row, and there they might bring out other things in each other, haha! But yes, very much in love, and I'm happy you say that there's "just enough description" because this is a much less description-focused story than Red Silk, and I'm happy to hear that it still works.

And haha, that's what I get for trying to be poetic! Imogen /is/ calm, and she's thinking about how she's only really calm when she's with Dom.

I'll make sure you know when the next Domogen is up!


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Review #21, by notreallyblonde44Hunger: Hunger

30th August 2015:
Happy Hot Seat in the Pit Part 2!

Ohhh Reg/Remus. I think I’ve read one of these before a long, long time ago. Very excited to see where you go with this pairing, and how it happens :)

“then, out of nowhere, it stopped being an accident”-hmm intriguing. naughty Remus lol

I like Remus’ observations and how you capture his mood, and mention his transformations in an effortless way. Meaning that you bring them up just the right amount of times, and in the right way. It’s like you really are in Remus’s mind, where transformations never quite escape them, but he’s not brooding over them and it’s not mentioned once and never again (usually done in a way that feels like a checked box when writing Remus scenes, but that’s not the case here). Basically, what I’m saying is, I think you write a very natural Remus. I never thought he would hate the dark and stargazing, but it makes sense here.

You said you were considering a novel, so I’ll leave my questions to that: wonder what Sirius would do if he found out? Wonder what they talk about or will continue to talk about, esp if war is around the corner? (You wrote a few scenes, but mostly told us they were talking, and didn’t always show us the conversations. Like I would have loved to “see” the scene where Regulus says he’ll beat someone up.) Will Remus tell Regulus? How far will this go?? So intrigued. Such a good pairing. All the angst elements I love. I’m happy Remus found someone to share himself with. That was always the sense I got with the Marauders scene that Remus really didn’t and did belong, but was lacking some true love :)

Another great piece of writing,
xx’s Ellie

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Review #22, by notreallyblonde44All Existing Matter: Chapter One

30th August 2015:
Happy Hot Seat in the Pit :D

1. Lovely banner.
2. Wah this summary, what am I about to read?
3. No wonder this is nominated for “Most Original”- very interesting concept!

OK…on to actually reading this.

I ned a box full of kittens in my life!! Cough, continuing…

Ahh I worry something really, really bad is about to happen. Everyone seems so calm and collected. The buildup to Janas is killing me, and may kill Rose, we’ll see. And the way you set up her character really puts the reader in her shoes. I feel like I’m panicked and going with her too. Great anticipation!

OMG! What an opening chapter. Bah what are they going to do?I cannot believe they left them?!?! Who does that? What, what, what will happen next? Also, Carson seems rather pompous or miffed, idk, he is not very helpful. I imagine the tension between them is going to be amazing.

All about this,
xx’s Ellie

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Review #23, by notreallyblonde44Her Favorite Holiday: Her Favorite Holiday

25th August 2015:
Ahh Selene, don't mind me, I'm just over here crying just a bit. I'll be fine though, promise //sniff, sniff//

I'm honestly not one for Valentine's Day, but this is so sweet and sentimental and brings in all the feels. Arthur/Molly is one the best pairings ever and you really did them justice with this sweet piece. Arthur's never ending love, Victorie's proposal, ahhh the feelz at the end. Not my best review in terms of actual content, but I enjoyed reading this and after lines like "Fifty-three special Valentine’s he spent by her side. And this was his first, his first one alone." How am I supposed to have words?? Well done!

-Ellie from the Pit

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Review #24, by notreallyblonde44The Wild Rose: Chapter One

25th August 2015:
OH SNAP! What a twist indeed. I feel like I read the HP-version of American Psycho-Scoprius a la Patrick Bateman over here. This was really well-written. The main staple of this one-shot is that pacing. Yes, the twist was awesome, but the slow languid language just made that build up so believable and possible.

Congrats on the Dobby Finalist nod last year, much deserved! (oh and I totally enjoyed the prequel too!)


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Review #25, by notreallyblonde44The Recombination of One's Soul and the Psychological Aftereffects: a Case Study: Tom Riddle

25th August 2015:
Hey Rumpelstiltskin! Just doing some light reading for the Silver Scales, and wanted to review your one-shot because it had me laughing! And then really horrified!

About mid-way through I am guessing this is Lockhart talking to a Healer in the Janus Thickey Ward, let’s see if I’m correct. Either way, very funny stuff. “Tom as he likes to be called” LOL

Session 0012 is hilarious! The name exchanges and such. Very good dialogue banter. I assume they are roommates? And with the references to females names, I’m switching from Lockhart to Rita or Umbridge? I love that we don’t know who the narrator is just yet. Your mystery narrator has quite the poor bedside manner >.>

Potter = a chair haha (if you haven’t read this yet, though it’s a much darker story, HollyH’s Hogwarts Sanitatium, in which the roles are very reversed! But equally intriguing)

A few minor types I noticed along the way:
‘You, see I was unable to make contact with him until now’ – I don’t think that comma is necessary?
‘patient 9 wont be able to see you.’ – Patient 9 won’t
‘We can't get much passed him here.’ past not passed
‘“But you wont let that happen, will you Maggie?”’ –add an apostrophe in won’t and there should be a comma before Maggie since Tom is addressing the narrator
‘“In my shirt!” he whispers, excited.’ – capitalize He

OK. WOW. That ending. I just, did not see any of this coming at all. You really sucked me in. I was enjoying it, then it took a sick turn (serpent kissing ew), and then it like exploded and wow. Really strong writing and characterization, loved the point of view. You made a lot of smart observations about power struggles and control that fit with what I think of Voldemort, and the colored circles were creative! Freaky stuff. Such an unreliable narrator too (that I guess really is a Dr. Foster/sofia/maggie person and not someone we know already hah, I was wrong).

Awesome one-shot!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for stopping by!

I think that laughing and horrified are a terrific combo.

Unfortunately, the narrator forever remains a mystery, but I loved making an unreliable narrator. This story is full of my personal brand of crazy, so I'm glad that you found it funny :).

(I'll have to check out Hogwarts Sanitatium).

Ah yes, thanks for the CCs -- this story was in desperate need of an edit.

And then everything went insane! :D I'm really glad that you liked this! Thanks again for your review :D!


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