Reading Reviews From Member: DandN
  
194 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DandN:

26th February 2008:
*very audible purring*

Sammers, my dear, you really are one of the most talented writers I've ever had the pleasure to meet. The way you weave raw emotion and glorious description together is absolutely breathtaking. There's just this enromous power within your writing that grips me and won't let go until the words come to an end, leaving me craving for more.

Furthermore, as a more egoistical level I have to say that this could be an continium of certain story of mine; I'm sure you know which one I'm refering to :P

Just bloody brilliant, my only complaint is that it's too short *scowl*

Author's Response: *watches as ego inflates*

You, my dear, are far too flattering. *blushes*

As for your own ego, well I can tell you that this, and whatever follows it, has been inspired entirely by the certain story of yours.

*grins innocently* I'll write more...in a month or so...


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Review #2, by DandNSmall Crimes: Small Crimes

15th December 2007:
Oh Bambi, you did it again...You got me staring at the screen and reading this piece three times in a row before I was able to actually type up a review.

I love the atmosphere, so dreamy yet real. I love the use of third person, it pulls me and makes me to become the characters. I love the way you have used all the senses; hearing, seeing, smelling and feeling. It gives me as a reader really incredible 'sensational' feel as I read on, absolutely fantastic. I really wish more author's would get into the style of using all senses when writing, it would give so much more depth to the stories...

And then the charactarisation, just simply amazing. You completely proved that names are overrated; it's so effective to use other means to show who the characters are...And not for one moment had I wonder who the pair was. Phenomenal, that's all I can say.

As I already commented in the 'No Words' you really have a way with using sentence lenght to give the story excellent rythym, which both makes the flow smooth and keeps the reader interested as there is variation...

Man, Agent, I will join Antonia in the quest of stealing your talent!

10/10 and to favs!

Author's Response: Ah D! You indulge me so... I told you my ego was going to be of astronomical proportions. In any case I always do love your reviews - they're so thought provoking.

I too love third person - I just feel like it gives so much more room for indepth characterisation. Lots of people think that first person is more reader inclusive but I don't. I'm glad you thought the characterisation was on par - as I said in my Author's note, this piece is much more abstract than my other stuff.

Thank you so much for this beautiful review D!

xox Kylie


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Review #3, by DandNNo Words: No Words

7th December 2007:
Yanno, Bammers, I think you just made my mind explode *ponders*

People often ask me what I like to read in HPfandom and I usually say 'canon stuff, and occasionally Dramione--but a good Dramione is so hard to come by I usually don't bother', but you my friend, just became my All Time Favourite Dramione Author.

Everything in this shot was just absolutely fantabulous; the description threw me straight into the scene, the charactarisation was so clear that there was never any names even needed to deliver the point that who were the two in question, the flow and pacing of the story made it all seem so utterly plausable and realistic. You just left me more or less speechless.

Especially the short, three/four word sentences in the middle punctuated the story so perfectly; in a sense gave it the emotional intensity and binding urgency that shut the rest of the world away from me...

The setting, the library, was The Place for this to take place. I loved your description of it all, and especially the way you weaved the whole setting to the story, just left me breathless...

Even the kiss, which usually is rather cliched and poorly written in Dramiones', you wrote 'just right'. It didn't sound awkward or forced but realistic and believable.

Man Agent, you really made my mind explode.

10/10 and straight to favourities

Author's Response: D! Thank you so much for this absolutely glorious and thought-provoking review. I assure you that when I decided to take a quick look this morning for any reviews, I had not expected such a delight :D You really made my day, hun. Thanks so much.

xox Agent Bambi


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Review #4, by DandNSudenhetki: Sudenhetki

30th November 2007:
*howls too*

Honestly, m'dear, you really know how to pull a reader into the story, you made me be him. The picture you painted in front of my eyes just left me speechless, and the imaginary was just superb. I could feel the cold air on my skin, feel the silence and anticipation as he waited.

And yes, I even got the urge to howl too.

Btw, I just realized, you never once named the character, and now that I'm reading this, I'm thinking it could either be Andy or Fenrir *ponder*

All in all, simply fantastic shot!

Author's Response: *Huggles D and then hires Andy to guard her writing talent from potential thieves*

And yeah, I noticed that it could be about Fenrir as well. How very fitting. Hmm, I think I will leave it up to interpretation :)

Another wonderful review *hands over pinecones*


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Review #5, by DandNWhen Life Hands You Pinecones...: When Life Hands You Pinecones...

30th November 2007:
*lmao*

The things one simple statement can lead to *snicker* I've never had more fun reading a story based on a quote (from me or from anyone else), you really got me laughing out loud for real :P

I love your take on Peeves. The psyche of the poltergeist is something not many have dared to tackle in the first place, but I think you did great job with him. Also the brief glimpse of the Twins was hilarious and McGonagall was right on...

And your describtions, man o man, would I love to be able to write the describtions the way you do. You really have the knack of pulling the reader straight into the story to see the events from the perspective of the characters *is envious*

Yah, I believe now you can write Non-Andy stuff too, and you can do it pretty darn well too! Awesome work and thanks for the dedication *blushes*

Author's Response: Peeves...amuses me lol. He's great because you can write him with the actions of a child, but the thoughts of an adult, so it's like, clever childish actions.

Hmm, another comment on my descriptive talent. *Wonders if she should keep it locked and guarded by Andy before anyone attempts to steal it*

Thanks for the review D *huggles.* And you deserve every inch of thanks I give you.


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Review #6, by DandNTheir Dance: Their Dance

12th November 2007:
*deep sigh*

Oh Bam Bam, this was absolutely prefect. The imaginery you used, the opening and the closing, the general mood...I'm really struggling to find all the proper words to describe this, and the feelings it brought up in me. It was just so touching and so perfect.

I felt that your charactarization of Regulus was superb, the gentle soul that tries to follow the expectations of his family and fill in the blank Sirius left...I also like your OC (and why is it that we seem to think Regulus should only ever feel for someone called Anna/Ana?). I would definitely read a longer fic around these two, but on the other hand I think you said everything there's to be said in this one...

Absolutely beautiful...one of the few fics I've ever given 10/10

Author's Response: Ana/Anna + Regulus= Happily Ever After (except in this case because they both died :( but generally speaking :P )

Anyway moving on... thanks so much D for this fabulous review. I really wasn't sure how this would be received as I had never written an OC or Regulus before - so your words totally made my day.

*flying tackle hug*

xox Kylie


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Review #7, by DandNMorsmordre: Antonin Dolohov: Offered

5th November 2007:
Oh my Sami, I'm seriously impressed here!

This shot has all the elements of great writing; the flow is great, not for once did I feel like it was too slow or too fast, and it didn't get interrupted even by the flashbacks that often make or break the story...in this case they definitly made it!

Your charactarisation of Dolohov is very interesting, plausable and I dare say quite realistic. His reaction to Voldemort's propousal, the duel and even his use of crucio all support each other and give rather balanced (albite rather twisted) portrayal of the DE. Especially the following quote really stood out;
" You are evil"."Yes," Dolohov muttered, turning away from the body, "I suppose I am."

The third thing that you really desrve praise on is the descriptions. I feel that you did fantastic job introducing the scenes, you really made me feel as if I was there myself. Absolutely fantastic!

One little thing that slightly caught my eye, especially in the second paragraph was the lack of sentence variety; you started many sentencies on a row with subject and I think you could have had more solid result with a bit of variety ^^

All in all, amazing job! Well done Sami!

Author's Response: Aww I love you so much. *Huggles* I kind of based Dolohov on Bella, but less...possesive.

" You are evil"."Yes," Dolohov muttered, turning away from the body, "I suppose I am." - I rewrote that line about five times because each time it just sounded wrong. Finally i just settled on the simple version :)

Thanks so much for the Review D, it means a lot. Really. A lot! :)


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Review #8, by DandNJust a Dream: Scattered Thoughts

24th October 2007:
Wonderful work Drina, truly lovely!

I'm usually not big fan of song fics, but I think you pulled this of fantasticlly. The lyrics really fitted the plot (can I say plot? maybe it was more of a moment *ponder*). I especially liked the opening, the confusion and tajunnanvirta (sorry, my english abandoned me in there for a moment). Very captivating way to start a shot ^^

Charactarisation was very good in my opinion; Remus really felt like canon Remus and I think you explained his relationship with other Marauders wonderfully. In a way I got the feeling you hinted towards a slash relationship between Remus and Sirius, but the way you did it really made it feel 'real' (and this is coming from a non-slash fan, mind you :P). Even if Sirius wasn't really there in this shot, I think you got him portrayed extremely well...and you really got me intreagued who was 'the one who came later'.

The R/T also came across very nicely; how Remus felt like he had to hold back as he was 'too old and too dangerous'. I'm not a big fan of R/T all in all, but I really liked this piece of yours ^^ The flow as great, charactarisation right on, and the use of song and the fic was superb!

I have to read more of your work :P

Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review!!! I know it's not much af a plot but more of a moment :P The song gave me the idea of the tajunnanvirta kind of mood in this and it was fun to write it that way.

Thank you for complimenting my Remus! He is one of my favourite characters to write so I'm happy you don't think I do it too badly. :) And that's funny that you got the slash hint! It was never meant to be there, but I started to feel while writing that I was going that way. So I might do a real Remus/Sirius some time just because I'm already almost doing it by mistake. Oh and I just sometimes like to think Sirius had someone. If you want to read more about that you should read "Almost Forgotten" in this same collection.

I'm happy the R/T was visible there as well. I was afraid I toned it down a bit too much in the end. And you are just complimenting me too much now!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this great review!


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Review #9, by DandNOnce There Was A Darkness: Year One: Prologue: Mourning of the Sky

16th August 2007:
You had extremely beautiful description, that didn't go overboard, but instead illustrated the scenes and the general mood to me, wonderful job! However, perhaps you could try more indirect way of letting the reader know what Ellessa looks like. The way you have it written out now works, no doubt about that, but I feel more indirect telling would lift the chapter up a notch ^^

I think you did great job writing Snape, his thoughts and reactions felt very realistic, especially his feelings towards Ellessa, though I must admit at parts he felt a bit too mushy...But I think you can get away with it as the general portray of him feels so realistic!

Overall, I felt that you have a very strong opening here. You have paced yourself very well in here, and the paragraphs were in balance, there wasn't any that felt too long nor too short. As I said before, you have a great knack on descriptions, wonderful work there. Both of the characters felt real, and I was especally fond of Ellessa in her coldness. Dialogue was also good, it had a good flow in it ^^

Technical issue: the spacing in the beginning felt too wide to me ^^ I spotterd some multi-line sentences, they get confusing quickly and might distract the reader from finishing the entire piece. Oh and it's Severus' instead of Severus's :P, small thing, I know, but just caught my eye.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, and I'm sure you're right. Describing outright has always been my style, but I'm sure it can be a bit awkward and boring, so I'll try to be a bit more subtle with appearances.

Yes, I too must admit that Severus' was, perhaps, a bit mushy when it came to his daughter, but I also realize that people change and this was several years before Severus is the Severus from canon. I still tried to make him as callous and collected as possible, but I thought that he wouldn't be completely so, since this is before Lily died (and, yes, I was figuring in the death of her long before DH. This story has always been written from the viewpoint that Severus did love Lily) so I thought that he might not be quite as callous before that happened. I also tried to show how much he did care about his daughter and how much her loss effected him, but I didn't mean to make him seem mushy. But it's a cliche that I'm not sure how to avoid. I'm glad you liked the characterization otherwise though.

I'm glad you thought my characters felt real, and that my description was good. It is something I try really hard for. And dialogue...I'm glad it had a good flow, because I don't like it when dialogue seems unnatural, awkward, and cliche.

And, yes, I'm aware of the spacing probelm. It was the first thing I submitted to these forums and the spacing confused it (it still sort of does). I'll try to get them fixed, but I want to do a read through of this chapter first, because I'm aware there are a bunch of typos (like the Severus's thing *headdesk*) and I want to get those smoothed out as well.

Thanks for reading, thanks for being honest, and thanks for reviewing. All and all, I hope you like the story and that you'll continue to read


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Review #10, by DandNHow I Killed my Lover -or - Why You should Never Love a Werewolf: Counterjinx

25th July 2007:
*doesn't know wherther to cry, laugh or shake some idiotic werewolf*...*does all three*

Another fabulous chapter, the emotions were so intensive they really dragged me along...And as usual the interaction between Sirius and Remus was just simply fantastic *huggles the poor Black* the idea of Tonks and Remmy making brownies was just too cute, and the way you executed the scene was just fantabulous (I'm really running out of positive adjectives here *lol*)

It was so funny when I read DH and Remus & Tonks relationship was brought up, I just immidiately thought about this fic of yours, it's just so spot on with canon...and you didn't even know what the canon was going to be by the time you were starting this. I think that speaks leaps and bounds about your ability to 'read' JK's characters *worships*

Author's Response: You flatter me too much :P I really did take a lot of the Remus/Sirius argument out of Epitaph. I think it sounds better in this fic. ^_^

I was seriously giddy (and yet dissappointed) to see that my characterizations were right. :(

Thanks so much I should have a new chappie soon. :D


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Review #11, by DandNThe Time It Takes to Kill: My Confession

19th July 2007:
Whoa, now that was interesting ship ;) I can totally understand why you'd hate it *grin*

I think your writing mechanics are in great shape. Grammar and spelling were pretty much flawless, and you had good sentence structure variety as well as vocabulary ^^.

I thought, however, that even if this is a response to the 'most hated ship'-challenge, your approach to the characters was a bit stereotypical and somewhat flat. It's hard for me to say if you did that on purpose for the sake of the story or not, but I personally prefer the more in depth take on the characters--especially the Slytherins ^^

All in all this was definitely one of the most unique one-shots I've read!

Author's Response: thanks for the review. i appreciate it.

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Review #12, by DandNAt The End Of All Things: At The End Of All Things

19th July 2007:
Lovely portray of Minerva, she felt humane and realistic there...Also I love the way you described her feelings towards Dumbledore indirectly, it really added a refined feel to the story.

I spotted some superlong sentences, I suggest that if a sentence is a couple of lines long, perhaps you could split it into two or three. It'd make reading easier at least for me ^^

All in all your writing style is a pleasure to read. You have very good balance between action and description, and it's just lovely to see someone using indirect telling on their fics :)

Author's Response: Hi, thanks so much for your review! I am so awfully sorry I couldn't respond earlier - I was on holiday.

I'm just so glad you liked my portray of Minerva!
I now see what you mean about the superlong sentences, thanks so much for pointing that out, I'll work on it as soon as possible. I guess I was just too eager to avoid sounding simple because English is not my first language. That's also why I feel very flattered when you say you like my style. It really means a world to me. Thanks a million for your review!


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Review #13, by DandNEyes of Mourning: Eyes of Mourning

19th July 2007:
Aww Very cute fic you have here ^^

You used quite melodramatic scene in the beginning, and from there the story unfolded quite nicely. I especially liked the interaction between Neville and Luna, they really are cute together. Especially with Luna you had done wonderful job, she felt absolutely right on.

Writing mechanics were quite good in my opinion, though at parts you used a lot of 'he said/he thought/he grinned' to begin the sentence. It's not grammatically wrong to do so, but I think it'd further enhance the flow if you'd add even more sentence variety ^^

All in all, quite lovely one shot, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Yay! I always get so worried about Luna, because she is very difficult to write. Yes, I have troubles with the "he said" sort of thing at the beginning of each sentence. I have to work on that. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the one shot and thought it was cute. Thank you very much!

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Review #14, by DandNHow Will We Get Through This?: For You From Me

17th July 2007:
Awww such a cute chapter! even though the plot is progressing very fast, I somehow didn't feel it was rushed at all...You've transferred the 'love at the first sight' feeling very well to the chapter, great job!

I noticed a lot of people 'walking over' here and there ;) I'm sure you could come up with other ways of expressing a movement which would make the chap bit more vivid ^^

Author's Response:
I'm glad you enjoyed. :) I can express those movements in other ways, and I'll try to edit so that they are expressed differently.

-Carrie


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Review #15, by DandNHow Will We Get Through This?: Learn To Do It

17th July 2007:
It's cute how George obviously is head over heels with Aubrey ^^
Aubrey herself seems to be very well developed OC, it's lovely to read about imperfect character, makes the whole story feel very realistic and convincing.

Again, most of the sentences begin with subject+verb structure. Even though it's not wrong in any way, I feel that inserting more varied sentence structures would improve the flow ^^


Author's Response:
I'm glad I've developed her well and we're only in chapter two! :) And yes, Aubrey is meant to be imperfect. No one is perfect, and I try to make my OCs that way. :)

-Carrie


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Review #16, by DandNHow Will We Get Through This?: Lonely People

17th July 2007:
Props for choosing an interesting pairing. I also thought you had an interesting approach to being twin as George felt as he had been a third wheel.

One thing that caught my eye was sentence variety ('he said/he thought/he walked'); there's a lot subject + verb structuring, which I feel disturbs the flow somewhat. I spotted a similiar thing with the dialogue: you use a lot of explanatory 's/he said' even when the replic would stand alone just as well ^^

Including Lee was a very nice touch, and his interaction with George felt very natural and convincing, great job! I'm also intreagued by Aubrey, she seems like a very interesting OC, and having her look after her nephew was very well thoughtout detail. You've most certainly steered her away from Mary Sueness ^^

All in all, a good first chapter and it left me eager to read more :)

Author's Response:
Thanks! I'll have to revise those subject-verbs and s/he saids.

-Carrie


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Review #17, by DandNHow I Killed my Lover -or - Why You should Never Love a Werewolf: Not the Dcor

16th July 2007:
"Don't count your Doxies before they've hatched" *scribbles down to her list*...*rofl* I love the 'Like a white spot on Snape's robes' but that won't work in wider context..unfortunately.

I loved the almost poetic way Remus appeared in this chap; he seemes to have hold back his umm..well..'romantic nature' (sounds cheesy, I know, sue me...:P) quite a bit, but the his approach and reasoning just feel so very much like him. You really did change my mind about Remus/Tonks pairing ;)

Remmy in a lether pants..*drool*
Awww poor wolf in such a state of awkwardness there *huggles the said wolf*. Oh and the mental image of dancing Tonks was hilarious XD.

Funny you should mention OotP, I was watching it yesterday and when ever Tonks and/or Remus appeared to the screen I found myself searching for the small things you've made them do in these fics of yours. You've totally brainwashed me!

Author's Response: There was a total lack of hints for *them* but there were a million hints for the *pair that got me booed at :D* Glad to have brainwashed you though. ^_^

I had to throw in the remus in leather pants. *sigh* *lusts*

Yay! A new convert :D *cough* you've been reading all this time w/o liking the pairing? I'm quite flattered.

Yes, he's awkward, but that *so* him in my head.

So my formula for making wizard phraes is to take brit/enlgish phrases and replace key words w/ wizarding words :P Its an art :P

Thanks so much D.


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Review #18, by DandNMemoirs of a Kelpie: Life and Death

15th July 2007:
Oh, the perfect way to end this story...

You really have an uncanny ability to draw from canon, mix it together with 'real' mythologies, add your own characters and write it all out brilliantly. I've enjoyed this story immensly, every single aspect of it as a matter of fact.

I feel I'm repeating myself here, but you are an excellent writer. The story flows on naturally and every aspect of it feels realistic and convincing. You have way with the words and frankly I couldn't spot a single thing I would have changed.

I'm afraid you have gotten a rapid fangirl out of me *grin* 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for that great review. The lexicon and wikepedia are great tools that I use often. :) It does help that I'm into mythologies and horses. Truly appreciate your reviews :)

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Review #19, by DandNMemoirs of a Kelpie: Human Encounters

14th July 2007:
I just love this story of yours, I really do...

It's unique, your telling is well flowing, Seidon (I love his name too, btw) is lovely character--one of the kind I just get obsessive about--and his (mis)-adventures among humans are to die for. I was especially impressed by the hand *grin* he takes things very literally doesn't he?

Only one thing made me wonder; where on earth has he heard about chimpanzees and their social behaviour? It was a well done detail and written out lovely but chimps felt bit out of place :P

All in all, just as good chapter as the previous one, and I'm thrilled you wanted to share this one with us ^^ 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for pointing that out. :) I'll have to add an explaination for that in the first chapter.

His name? I've decided that the kelpies ought to be named after Greek water deities. Seidon was derived from Poseidon. :)


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Review #20, by DandNMemoirs of a Kelpie: Upbringing

14th July 2007:
Wonderful, absolutely amazing beginning! And not only because I've always been facinated by the Kelpies ;)

You are an excellent writer, the story truly flows in your hands, and all your characters have an unique voice. Your descriptions sometimes sweep close to poetry and yet never feel artificial nor forced. The indirect telling you use is fantastic and really gives the chapter a refined feel to it...Shortly, I'm at awe and can't wait to read more!

This is one of the very few stories I'm giving 10/10 and if you wouldn't already be in my favourite's list I'd surely add you after reading this chapter ^^

Author's Response: Thanks for that lovely review. I do love Scottish Lore as well. Glad to hear that you liked this writing style.

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Review #21, by DandNOvercoming Reality: Flames

14th July 2007:
I found this intense and emotionally almost overpowering one shot. You handled the description/action balance well; not once did I feel you were using too much time on the description but instead you moved the scene along together with describing it. Ginny's emotions, thoughts and reactions felt all very plausable, she didn't appear to be OOC at all ^^

The only thing that caught my eye was your sentence structuring; you use a lot of subject + verb structure (she said, she felt, she thought) which isn't a mistake per se, but can get bit tedious to read in longer fics. Adding more variety to your sentences would further enhance the flow of your story and is in the end quite easy thing to take care of ^^

All in all I found this well planned and executed one shot, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Glad you feel I handled the balance well, and that you feel Ginny is IC, she is my fave charrie to write :) alright I will work on my sentence structuring then, thanks for pointing that out, but this isn't a one-shot. lol..its a novella :)

thanks for the review and the wonderful compliments!!

♥Cait


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Review #22, by DandNCounting Back the Years: Leaving at Midnight

14th July 2007:
Ah the third chapter didn't fail me either ;) it was just as good as the two previous ones ^^

All in all I think you have a wonderful beginning here, the plotline is interesting and you have created a whole bunch of believable OC's who interact with canon characters in a very natural manner, well done!

The writing mechanics are also in order, you have a nice flow going on and the pacing is just right; the chapters don't feel too slow nor too fast. You use a lot of indirect telling which I like a lot, and your sentence variety is also great.

All in all this is a very good beginning. Keep up the good work in the future!

Author's Response: Thank you! This story is completely out of my realm, which is romance, and it drove me mad writing this chapter. I honestly didn’t think it was good, so it’s really great to hear you like it. =D I love creating OCs, and I’m really thrilled you find them believable. Thank you again! Your reviews really made my boring day not so boring. ^_^

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Review #23, by DandNCounting Back the Years: To Find a Timeturner

14th July 2007:
Again, a lovely chapter ^^

I really enjoy the way you have developed your OC's, they feel truly real and very convincing. Especially Charlotte's relationship to Ginny is portrayed in a very realistc manner. Though I also enjoyed her chat with Tonks a lot ;)

Again you had a great flow in here, and the pacing was also excellent. I'm most impressed with your grasp of dialogue though, it really leaves me at awe ^^ Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: I’m grinning like an idiot right now, your reviews really made my day. In my other NextGen story, the main OC is very close to her parents, so I made this one a bit different. Charlotte is somewhat closer to Tonks than to Ginny. I had a paragraph explaining about Tonks and Remus’ relationship to the kids, but I cut it out because it wasn’t really important. It’d be explained in the fourth chapter though. I never thought my dialogue was good, so thank you. ^_^ Thanks for the lovely review!

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Review #24, by DandNCounting Back the Years: Charlotte's Plan

14th July 2007:
First of all, you have a very interesting plot line!

I like the kids a lot and Ginny feels very much in character, even if we have never seen her as a mother before. The interaction betwen Shawn and Charlotte, it feels very natural and realistic!

Overall I found this well written opening chapter, and using an action scene to open the chapter and dialogue to close it worked very well. Overall the flow and pacing were great and I was very impressed by your dialogue, it was extremely well written! Great job ^^

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Shawn and Charlotte are slightly different from my other OCs, and I wasn’t very confident about posting this story, so it’s really nice to hear that you like it. Ginny was tricky to write, but I’m glad you think she’s in character. ^_^

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Review #25, by DandNTom Marvolo Riddle...I Am Lord Voldemort: Of Little Books and Roosters

14th July 2007:
I loved the way you pulled McNair into the story, it felt very appropriate and real. Another highlight of this chapter was the way you explained how Tom got his diary. It was very convincing little side story and I could picture him sitting in the common room, writing..

All in all I think you have some raw talent in your hands. The story flows well, you use description in a balanced manner and your sentence structure is superb. I also think you have gotten into Tom's head very well, I'd suggest watching out for underlying his attributes too much ^^

Keep up the awesome work!

Author's Response: I just had to include McNair in this chapter, he just had to be the one who would kill the roosters, you know?

Yes, the little side story.. I hadn't planned on it, but it seemed necessary. It just came out one day, and I love the result!

Thank you for all your reviews, like I said, I really appreciated them. And thank you very much for the CC you gave me!


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