WOAH usually I don't comment unless I have atleast a bit of constructive criticism. but I do not. because this story is fantastic. you know what my favourite part of the entire story is? the protagonist and love interest didnt kiss until chapter 27, instead of chapter 3 as per usual. update soon or I will be mad. Report Review
I'm loving the story so far. It's funny and cute but I don't think the protagonist is that weird. even though she always states that she's weird. It would be alright if she alone thought of herself as an outcast but even others call her a "freak". so...make her a little weirder? please? Thanks, and keep writing Report Review
i find it kind of odd that he called his cousin "babe"... but i guess its not weird for purebloodsAuthor's Response: I did actually think that but by that time had done it too many times to change. Report Review
aah i love the slapping then the punch, that was a good touchAuthor's Response: Thank you, I thought so as well. She needed to vent her anger. Thank you for the review. Report Review
i really like this story - its written really well and amora is a good character. i like how you didnt make other people think she is perfect - like the minister pitying her because she was drunk etc. i sort of skimmed through alot of the beginning though but the dialogue did make it more captivating. update soonAuthor's Response: thank you so much sugarhigh! im really glad you liked it! i was thinking of rewriting bits of the beginning and chapter 5 will be along this weekend! it will have plenty of dialogue too!
thanks again for the review
toodles~ Report Review
mm finally something happens! niceAuthor's Response: Yes it does. Thank you. Report Review
i wish you would stop using so many exlamation marks!
(see how i used that exclamation mark there? i'm witty, i know)
i also wish you had introduced the characters sparsely throughout the story - not giving away all their personality traits right away. but i do that all the time so im trying not to complain that much.
pros - i really like stories that actually start off with everyone hating eachother instead of diving right into the romance. we all know the romance is going to happen, its about how it happens. so nice.
oh another con, but more of a rant. its not directed at you in particular so you can just stop reading here if you would want. im geting tired of the marauders getting set up with the complete girl version of them - the "badass" with Sirius and the shy but smart one getting with Remus. sometimes opposites attract.
i know i may sound like a meanie but i dont mean to. if i didn't like your story i wouldn't comment on it and i'm totally about to read the next chapter, so...see you thenAuthor's Response: The exclamation marks are only used when they are needed so sorry if that bothered you. The explanation I gave of the characters wasn't their full personality, it was only a background. As I said at the beginning, it was only an introduction chapter so that people could get a small insight and not be confused if I have to stop and explain twice as much as is needed when something is happening.
Thank you, I much prefer writing them fighting first. You're right, we all know it's going to happen so I throw in different things to keep people off balance.
As for the opposites attract thing, I never said or suggested that any of them are going to get together. In fact I think I'll surprise you later on with relationships if you continue reading. So I wouldn't judge the story about those things, because I have a few tricks up my sleeve.
Thank you for the review, enjoy the next chapter. Report Review
love this story - nothing else to say as of now. Author's Response: Thanks, glad you like it! Report Review
There are some spelling errors that show you haven't taken the time to edit, a few are acceptable but you have very many in the first two chapters. You told us that courtney is mysterious but i dont see that yet, i just see her as having no personality. I like how their conversations were similar and since it was courtney and sirius who both thought "Denial is the first step to love", i think it'd be cute if they were actually going to get together. Author's Response: Dear sugarhigh,
Well, I've been having to have to type very quickly and I haven't been able to check for editing. But if it makes you happy, I'll check on them more!
Your Obediant Servant,
The Phantom Report Review
the first chapter is hard because you feel you have to establish everything - what people see them as / what are all the relationships going to be, etc. but you have over-established. I most likely know who is going to end up with who and how, blah blah and theres no mystery. I will read on, don't get me wrong, it isn't bad, and hopefully i will be surprised.Author's Response: Dear sugarhigh,
I love your honesty. I need the criticism!
Your Faithful Author,
The Phantom Report Review
its pretty funny, i'm liking it. Have you ever read the story one sock left - or something like that. This reminds me alot of it...or what i think i can remember of it, i may be wrong. ANYWAY update soon!Author's Response: I checked out the story, and yeah, it reminds me a lot of mine. Haha. It seems most people perceive James in the same light. But thank you, and the next chapter is coming along. Report Review
I have a question too - will the point of view change? Please tell me it won't, I think it would be such a well done story if it stayed just Lily. Yes...don't really know hwy this came into my head, but ok.Author's Response: Good question. For the majority of the fic, the point of view will stay Lily. There will only be a few things that are not in Lily's point of view--literally just a few small things. But you won't catch me announcing "James's POV" or anything of the like, and the whole story will remain in third person. Report Review
I'm really loving this story so far, it's really well written, but i'm just worried that it's going to get too long and tiring and just have generally too much. Just try too keep it too whats important and exciting, but yes...I'm really enjoying it so far and hope you update soon!Author's Response: Thank you very much-ly. =D Eh-heh, yeah, I do have to watch out for it getting long and tiring...because I tend to make things pointlessly long. So I really will try to make things as short and to-the-point as is possible. Report Review
i presume you have read gossip girl, right? You seem to be missing chapter one right now. Anyway, it is very interesting, though confusinng with all the letter-as-a-name business. I like it so far, keep writing. Author's Response: yeah and sorry about the mixup.. its a little unoriginal but hey... thanks for the review Report Review
great great great chapter, though i do want sirius and faye to get together soon, or atleast start being sexually interested. good work and update soon of course!Author's Response: Ahaha... that's what so many people are saying! XP I'll see what I can do about that... Report Review
chapter 2. in england subway = underground. just a little mistake but thought i'd mention it. Report Review
am i the only one who wants henn and sirius together more than gaby and him? but i like gaby and i want her to be happy...i like the lily wrist thing though i probably wouldnt if i hadnt read the whole story. i think if you write about her getting over it well it'll be amazing. update soon! Author's Response: That's funny that you want Henn and Sirius together instead of Gaby. I sort of agree with you though; I like Henn's character better than Gaby's, although I really like Gaby's character too. I still need to think about it, but I think I'm leaving the initial couples the same. Report Review
if you want to describe the characters, please do it in the actual story. just try to work it in somehow because it seems kind of stupid and unprofessional (not that fanfics are very professional anyways...but still) if you do it apart from it.
the first chapter:
"the boy called Sirius said with a fake English accent and a small bow." sirius is english. his accent would not be fake.
" Inside was a solitary girl who" and that was it, you didnt finish the sentence.
some of the dialogue seemed a bit unrealistic and corny. lily seems way overconfident, but that might me how you want to portray her i dont know. maybe you should go into more detail and out of dialogue so much as that is what seems to be most of the first chapter. Report Review
update geeeeeeez. also try to work on the layout, use some spacing between dialogue, kind of difficult to read. I'm excited to read your new version of the story! loved loved looooooved the old one, hopefully this one will be even better, if possible. UPDATE! Report Review
amazing chapter!Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
Love your story! i read it all in one sitting (swear on my life) and i speak on behalf of all your readers HURRY UP AND POST MORE. That will be all for now. Good work so far;)Author's Response: Wow, one sitting? That's so crazy! I think I've read your story before, actually... it's really good. Haha I think I read it in one sitting too, lol. Report Review
Your story is very good so far! I'm just curious to how long you plan it to be because so far it I find it a bit slow. Keep working on it and update soon! Report Review
it was alright. When i first saw it, i thought it was going to be more dark and angsty or whatever and i personally think you wrote it a bit too light. but it's still pretty good and i'm looking forward to the next installment :)Author's Response: Hopefully, the chapters with Remus and Peter will get more angsty. I guess it was my happy mood from the holidays that made the stories so light. Thanks for the review. Report Review
it's a good idea....but its not written very well. you should try to go into more detail and expand, then it would be great Report Review
its pretty good so far but you should probably work on the layout just to make it a bit easier to follow. anyways good job so far, im excited to read the rest ;) Report Review
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