Oh my.

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Awww that is just sad. Haha I like sad stories this is the second sad Neville/Luna one I read, actually third, my sister is writting one, I read one on another site where Luna had got shot. Le sigh

Author's Response: most neville/luna stories are sad, at least the ones i've read. THANKS SSSSSSSOOOOOO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Woah such great detail. I love it, I can't believe Lucius and Bella had to find them, Oh well I mean it's better to know all characters then presume any new ones. Great Job.

Author's Response: Lol, you know, before I wrote this, I had no idea I could describe things. :P Thanks for commenting, it's highly appreciated as always! *grin*

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Hello, just change these simple mistakes. Don’t hate just helping you out mmkay.

“ What are you think about, Neville?�-thinking
Shadow to shadowed.
Tail to Tale.
Person’s
Take the s of Divantion.
Change one of the be’s to me in Trelawney’s giant speech.
Quiddich to Quidditch
Lonny to Loony, I presume.
Change all the Russian to Bulgarian.
I have no idea who Pocrates is too.

In the first part but other than that everything seemed really good. Try rechecking your work one more time. I thought the humor between them was well done and Trelawney is still a trip. The humor is good but somewhat dry. Also you confused me when someone was speaking. For you did not add Neville/Luna said to some of the short dialogues. Such as “You must be really wimpy then. Even Argus Filch is still fighting and he’s a squib.� then the next paragraph mention Viktor laughed at Luna though the content of the sentence can clearly point out it was obviously Luna it was still pretty confusing.

Though mid way’s through I can sense epic battle here. Which is cool because it’s like seeing it through these secondary character’s point of view. Like all the Crumpets, I think that’s cute nickname actually. Woah, Gabrille and Charlie? Word? Hehe I haven’t read anything about that just yet. Good Job. Keep on writing… can’t wait for a battle scene or some strange hit of violence.


Just Recheck it.

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Hello it's me Hogwarts Mafia this is my other name, Just Email me at witchfiretonks or go here for the basics http://www.angelfire.com/planet/psychokitty85/harrypotter.html

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