Ok, before you think this is a flame, I assure you that it is not, but what I will say about it might surprise you. I'm having a difficult time deciding if it's extremely well-written or extremely badly-written. Present tense stories usually make me recoil and I immediately stop reading when I find stories written in the present tense. But for some reason this one drew me in and before I knew it, I was finished. This is the first thing of yours I've ever read, so I'm not sure what your style is like. But just because I hold a bias against stories in the present tense doesn't mean you've written a bad ficlet.

I think what I loved so much about the story overall is that your syntax and diction flow together well with the story. It starts out at the beginning with reflections on the past, keeps the story text in the present tense, but at the end jumps to a glimpse of future tense, giving it that well-rounded 'complete' feeling. It's the same thing you did with the title: very well-rounded, brought together at the end and the beginning. It was a nice touch.

I did find one sentence that didn't make much sense to me. At one point you say " James filly draws silent and stares at the table," I'm not exactly sure what you were going for there. Finally? Fully?

Altogether, it had a sort of brief, stream of consciousness feel to it and I liked it. It was not quite my typical story, and a bit short for my liking, but I think overall you did fairly well.

Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it even though it is a bit different. I'll make sure I'll fix that typo, thanks for catching it.

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What a great story. Please continue with it. *adds to favorites*

Author's Response: Aww... you guys make me feel so loved.

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Very good and quite interesting. Keep up the wonderful work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!!!

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What a unique story. I would imagine that the founders had set up a trust for the school, but I suppose even those can go bankrupt. I did see a few puncuation errors and at one point you used "bride" when I think you meant to use "bribe," but all in all it's a fantastic start to this story. Please continue!

Author's Response: Sorry about the bride and bribe thing, I'm gonna go fix that now. Good point about the founders. Thanks for the review!

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I's interesting. You don't often see much of Hermione's family life. YOu could have turned this story into a huge depressing-fest, but you ended it on a positive note. I like that. I can't say I review too often, as I haven't been active on the site in almost a year and I didn't review too much before that either. I must say I haven't heard the song by the way.



Also, you left me a review on one of my stories a few months ago asking for a banner. Are you still wanting one/some? Let me know.

Author's Response: OH yes, I did, didn't I? For this story, I no longer need one, but I'd love it if you could make a banner for a different story - hasn't been posted yet, coz I'm waiting, but email me (mmonthlyx12@aol.com) and I'll send it to you. :)

Why thank you, I am actually writing a [rather fluffy] sequel. I don't like depression-fests, do you? So....icky.

I must say I'm so glad you reviewed - I haven't gotten many for this fic. And it's an amazing song, I LOVE it. :)

Cheers,
Dragonette

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It was... a bit unlike anything I've ever read. McGonagall smoking a cig with pink panties and lipstick. I'd pay to see that in the films...lol. It sort of had a Faulkner-esque feel to it, only with a lot more humor than he ever got into. I liked it.

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It's an interesting spin. There were a few mistakes here and there. One of the very first sentences:

“I swear is he weren’t Dumbledore’s little angel, I’d curse Potter to next Tuesday.�

I think you meant to say "if" instead of "is." Also, the writing is a bit choppy in some places but not incredibly so. It's a very interesting inner-monologue on a character I never gave much thought to. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for pointing that out... This story was written so quickly, that I just must've missed some things.. :) I'll go and fix it now!

I'm so glad that you were amused by his inner monologue... he was pretty funny to write :) Thank you again!!!

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A few grammatical mistakes here and there, but nothing too major. Good story.

Author's Response: Thanks, grammer never was my strong point :)

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Remus seems to understand quite a bit for being so young, unusually so. It's well done though and I liked it: enough to go onto the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks! Remus to me always seemed advanced for his years, my sis said the same thing when she read it so mabye I did make him too young!

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It was very short and after reading it, I was sort of wondering what the point of it was. It was well-written, but sort of odd.

Author's Response: You know what TomFoolery.. I really have no idea what the point of it was either. It's what you get when you are bored and hiding from studying. -Shatzi

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There were a few spelling mistakes but nothing major. You definately captured the love/hate thing so prominent in James/Lily stories. Good job.

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It was a pleasure to validate and promises to be a good story. I enjoy your vivid descriptions. A tad depressing with little plot but superb explanations of the setting. Do update soon!

Author's Response: =D Thank you very much. Yes, this chapter has more or less no plot, but I assure you, it dives right in after this. And also thanks for validating for me. ^_^

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Dear bob, steph, megan, kim, and john, from your IPs, it's apparent that you're the same person. Please stop flaming the stories of staff members, as further abuse will result in your ban from this site. Thank you.

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I'm beginning to feel like there's something deeply sinister about our beloved Riddle. I love the way you write! Good chapter.

Author's Response: Heh heh, thank you! *smiles secretively*

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Excellent cliffhanger! I really hope you update soon!

Author's Response: I shall try! (I have it written, I just have to find time to type it up...)

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Handwriting lessons are an interesting way to bring two people together. I really enjoy your descriptions. However, Tom Riddle doesn't seem to be the type that would smile all that often, at least in a sincere way from pleasure. It was still an excellent chapter!

Author's Response: Yeah, I know he normally doesn't seem like the "smiley" type, but that may change as their years at Hogwarts go by. *hint hint*

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It was such a good story I had to take a break from validating to let you know I thought so! Most Tom Riddle stories are rather cliched but I don't get that vibe from this story you've written at all. It'll be interesting how you chronicle his descent into megalomania. Good job and update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^

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A founder's fic... This has to be one of the best ones I've come across and I have to say, it made me take a break from validating to come review it. Do add more soon!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your compliments and review! The next chapter has been added, it's called 'Helga Hufflepuff'. It is currently in limbo:(

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Such a sad story. It's almost the sort of story that would have been better spread out into more chapters so that you could learn a bit more about the characters, but this was alright as well. It was a pleasure to read. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I thought of it as a story, but well, it was quite good as a one-shot.

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It's interesting. It sounds much like a sad summer romance that might turn into an even sadder story of revenge. Then again, that's not what your summary says so you've kept me guessing. Good job! Update soon!

Author's Response: Yeah, it's not my best. thatnks for reviewing!

Author's Response: I've decided not to continue, and focus on my newest story, Cruise. The first chapter is soon to be posted. I thought, as my only reviewer, you ought to know.

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Why does this sound so much like my story?

Author's Response: Srry, but i have never read your story before, and i even checked to make sure. I hope other than that, that you like it. Thanks so much for your review!

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From the Terms of Service:
"Although harrypotterfanfiction.com encourage creativity and discussion, we reserve the right to remove, limit access to, or censor posts, threads, or other material that we believe are inappropriate for this website at any time."
On a note to reviewers, please do not give out telephone numbers in reviews. It's for your personal protection. Also, flaming a story is unnecessary and pointless. I'm sure the authors would appreciate constructive criticism, but railing on them and their story is immature and continuing to do so can result in undesired consequences for you.

TomFoolery

Author's Response: HA HA HA HA, MARY!!!! AND CORY!!!!! YOU GUYS GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THE MAN!!!!!!!! OOOOO, WHAT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love Bubbles and Liz (I guess)

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I really enjoyed your story and was glad that you placed wel in the duel. I really like the "He Who Could Not Be Named" part (tres hilarious!) I was surprised when I looked for your penname and only found this writer's duel entry as your only story. This little ficlet was pretty brilliant and I was wondering if you were going to post anything else?

Author's Response: Thanks for your kind review! It means a lot to me coming from someone whose work I really enjoy. (Please continue with Lost Letters - It's one of my favorites!) I'm glad I could make you laugh anyway. ;) This was my first fan fic and I'm pretty proud of it, but I am working on something new. Check back in a week or so... Thanks!

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Ok, last time I think I directed this at the wrong person: the author. Please stop spamming the reviews thread xangalanga and Sam. The reviews threads of stories are for reviews of the story alone. Chatting in the reviews thread to discuss your personal lives or anything else is a violation of the Terms of Service and will result in your suspension from this site. Again, this is your last warning.

Author's Response: I already told Sam to stop and she said she would. She also pointed out that it wasn't directed at me last time. I feel stupid now. Thanks! ^^

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It's not bad. "Goodness" is one word, but that's the only error that really stood out at me. It's not bad, all in all. Keep up that writing!

Author's Response: I'm always getting that word wrong for some reason! Thanks for pointing that out Janelle. lol And I have to agree it's not bad for me writing it in 15 minutes.

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