Fantastic! I actually laughed out loud - and even better, it's one of the best-written fics I've read here! Minimal to no spelling/grammar/punctuation boo-boos and laugh-out-loud? BOOYAH! + favorites, no doubt.Warmest, tom Report Review
This story is definitely worth checking back to - and I will! My only suggestion is not to put the translations of the foreign languages after Sola speaks; it's somewhat distracting, and most of the phrases are recognizable even by people who don't speak Spanish/French/German/etc. The Russian and Romanian, I realize, might be a problem... but by then we've pretty much recognized she's asking what languages he speaks. Have a little faith in the reader! And I hope you post soon; you've got me curious. Warmest, tomAuthor's Response: ya thats a good idea
thank you very much for reviewing :) Report Review
Don't have too much cc for this chapter, though it was quite a bit shorter than I prefer. I do like that you've kept Hermione pretty IC, and the scene at the end was very pretty - though I have to point out, I understand that 'LAD' is an acronym for the story's title, but using that repeated as a divider is very distracting to a reader, since it is actually a word in its own right. I spent about thirty seconds trying to figure out when a boy had come into the story before I realized it was just the title! I do look forward to seeing more of this story; it - again, this word - has a great deal of potential which I think, if developed, could result in a truly stellar story. Warmest, tomAuthor's Response: Ooh, sorry, it's just that I get a fun little divider on FF.net, but I don't know how to get it here. Sorry for any inconvienience, I'll keep that in mind.
I am in love with constuctive criticism, and I need a lot of it. I know I do this a lot, but I despise when people say "OMG I LUVVV THIS STORY!" or "this sux." Personally, "this sux" is better criticism, at least they're being truthful.
So thanks, kind soul.
*Emilie Report Review
I really like the concept, and some of the interactions in this chapter - especially those between Violet, Emmy, and Rosy - were very cute. As far as cc goes - you might want to lengthen your chapters (though it's very possible the others might already be longer, in which case, ignore this please!), and really think about what's going on. The story is kind of "bare bones" right now; when you're writing, try to think about what your character looks like, and what they're doing, where they are, who is with them, what time of day it is, what they're touching... anything. Insert the details that might bring it to life more for your readers. Like, you could detail how the orphanage (that's what it is, isn't it?) is freezing, or smells like mothballs, or how the girls are all wearing nightgowns that are too small and thin - things that really bring it to life. This story has a great deal of potential - I look forward to the next few chapters! Warmest, tom Report Review
Not only was this a subject matter I've never seen pursued before, but it was also masterfully written. Absolutely fantastic!Author's Response: Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection